Leave!!! He will do it again
I really think he needs therapy. It seems like his emotions are all over the place having never really dealt with the loss of yāallās child. His cheating is NOT and excuse for that and maybe you both could benefit from couples counseling as well. At least youāll know from a professionalās help, if itās worth saving or moving on. It takes 2 to make or break a relationship so itās really up to yāall to decide if counseling is worth it to save your marriage.
If he refuses, thereās your answer.
3 Likes
I know from experience. Yes once a cheater always a cheater
What reading this story but you keep having babies with him.You lost one sorry.But theres others issues going on.You took him back knowing that.Hes telling you how he feels and you still stay.Having doubts he has a history wake up.You need to get counseling to speak about that too.
most times yes-also when you get ready to marry just look at the persons mother 99% of the time they will be just like her and decide if that is what you want
He was ready to drop you and his children for some girl at workā¦ Like do you really have to ask?
2 Likes
I believe once a cheater always a cheater. The question you might ask yourself is. What are you willing to put up with.
1 Like
I couldnāt stand around and know Iām someoneās 2nd choice. Relationships are hard when founded on true love and you are expecting this to work when he is in love with someone else. I know it hurts but you should be with someone who can give you their whole heart. JS.
2 Likes
Life is too short to settle for less than you deserve.
2 Likes
Yes he will cheat again. Or betray you at minimum. If he has to hide what heās ashamed of itās a betrayal
1 Like
I have a different take on this. My husband started talking to this other woman that he worked with but in different states so they only talked on the phone. I was going through some really bad stuff and was taking it out on him without realizing. He was planning on leaving me and moving to where she was. I took the high road for the kids sake and wanted to remain friends. After talking through what our issues were he realized that he loved me and didnāt want to leave. We worked through it and he never cheated again. We will be married 34 years next month.
9 Likes
One thing . Love yourself . If he still has feeling for her he is gonna cheat again
1 Like
I donāt believe once a cheater always a cheater, however I do believe that if he could do all of that to you he will eventually do it again. Iām sure he loves you bc youāre the mother of his kids but you donāt fulfill his heart. Otherwise he would have never cheated. Not sure anyone can fill his heart but he will cheat again and again until he feels his heart is complete.
No. But it depends on the circumstances. In this situation it seems he is only staying because it is convenient for him. Youāre convenient. He will always love you because you gave him his kids. But does he TRULY love you? It doesnāt seem so with what youāve said. He only stayed because she left him. He would have left you for her. Thatās not true love. Sure heās kissing ass now because maybe he realizes youāre wouldnāt let him stay if not? I think he needs to get out and he if he does truly love you he will prove it to even with time apart. Now he knows youāll let him stay even if he sleeps around and men can not maturely handle those options. Heāll do it again.
not true. my husband cheated when i was pregnant with our son an he changed 100%
1 Like
Sounds like you need put some space between you and him. In my past experience a cheater will cheat again. But he sounds like he needs some therapy himself.
Sounds like he wants to stay until he finds somthing betterā¦ people can change but thatās pretty heartless he already planned on leaving you and the kids until the lady got smart and ran for her life.
2 Likes
I dont feel it is true but it seems heās staying where heās stuck and not where he wants to be. On top of that he still loves this woman. You deserve someone better
6 Likes
Leave that man. Unless you like being his second choice. 
3 Likes
I believe in second changes but it seems like youāre his second option and heās just staying for comfort. You deserve better for yourself and your children.
2 Likes
Sorry but itās not good for the kids to have the two of you staying together for them
No absolutely not. Kick him out. He is only choosing you and the kids now that she doesnāt want him. He needs to go.
8 Likes
You must think very low of yourself to let that slideā¦ Not up in here! Ohhh no no no.
1 Like
My husband cheated before we were married or had kids. We were young. I forgave him.
Heās a very different person now.
If a person really wants to change they will, itās up to you to decide if youāre going to move forward and support his growth.
Just know, that if you decided to stay,
You canāt always hold the cheating over his head. Constantly reminding someone of their failures doesnāt help them grow either.
My husband starts therapy, group meetings, he made a lot of changes to show that he was serious.
You arenāt dumbā¦ you know if heās serious or not. Trust your instinct girl.
Itās okay to stay, itās okay to leave.
4 Likes
If he love u then why does he love this other woman. If he was truly in love with u he would of never fell in love with her. You are his second choice after she didnāt want him. And his comfort zone. I would say figure out what u truly want. Can u forgive him of his betrayal? And if he was so quick to up and leave u for her then chance are he will do it again. Or if she wants him back then ur left in the dust again.
6 Likes
No, you need to leave. Heās using you. As soon as someone else comes along, itāll be back to the same thing. My mother has done this to my step dad three times now. They donāt ever change. Leave, find someone who truly wants you, loves you, appreciates you and wouldnāt think twice about hurting you and disrespecting you and your children.
2 Likes
I guess you need to ask yourself if she was available would he still pick you ? Leave 
3 Likes
Hunny your story hit to close to home. First off Iām sorry for your loss.
Now I will try to tell you my story in short.
I was married 20 years, We lost our son at 3 years old, a year later we were having another boy he wanted so badly to have another but I went into a really bad depression while pregnant. When our son was born I had to let go of all the pain of losing our first. I found out 2 years later he was in his 2nd affair. I left him. He couldnāt take that and promised to never do it again. 5 year later he did. Now we are divorced.
He I now married to her.
And it has been 15 year since our son passed and still hasnāt healed from it. & never will.
So my answer to you get out now. You canāt fix him. You need to focus on you & your children. He will keep cheating.
Prayers to you.
1 Like
My ex cheated 5 times been separated almost 5 yrs now
Nothing is 100% but yes 99.9% of the time once someone cheats theyāll chest again. Itās their lifestyle.
1 Like
If one of your children married someone like your husband who treated them this way, would you advise them to stay?
2 Likes
Move on! Heās only using you as his last option and doesnāt want to be alone so he is sticking around! He is just putting on a good show to mentally confuse you. Do yourself a favor and save the heart ache down the road! If this was real love you wouldnāt be asking yourself these questions in the first place , your mind would be at peace.
2 Likes
Lmfao!! So clueless. Typical asf. Lmfaoooooo
If she wanted him back, would he go back to her?
3 Likes
No. I used to be a cheater but got married and no way in hell Iād cheat.
2 Likes
Yes in my experience he will do it again. He was planning to leave you and because that fell through youāre his fallback until he finds someone elseā¦
1 Like
Your the backup plan
1 Like
No I donāt think once a Cheater always a cheater but I have some issues with your man. I feel like if the ow hadnāt ended things with him then he would still be with her especially since he still ālovesā her. And for those reasons, I donāt think you should take him back. Yeah, so whatā¦ he is helping with the kids and being more caringā¦ those are things he should of been doing anyway. He doesnāt get a medal for doing what he should of always done.
Let me ask youā¦ is he sorry? Truly Repentant? Or is he just going through the motions and saying the words to get what he wantsā¦ his #2 back? And Iām sorry, but you are his #2, because there is no doubt in my mind he would still be with the ow if she would have him.
2 Likes
You were his backup since she dumped himā¦cmon girl be smarter then that.
1 Like
Do you really need to ask advice heās told you he loves her and she ended it thatās your answer
1 Like
Amen hallelujah donāt be a fool for no man men have games that they plays so yes he will cheat a gain
It will always be in the back of your mind. Is he going to do it again, when will he do it againā¦you still love him, but the love you had for him will never be the same as it once was and you will never trust him again. You will always worry. I know Iām in that situation now. My husband cheated on me a little over 1 year ago and I have forgiven him, but all those thoughts run in my head everyday. If you do decide to work it out be careful. Put your feelings first, trust your feelings. I wish you the best darling.
2 Likes
I donāt think itās true ALL the time. In your case tho I wouldnāt trust it
2 Likes
Take him and her to court she can be charged just as he for adulty
1 Like
No I donāt believe once a cheater always a cheaterā¦ But I do believe he only chose you because she ditched him. And I know that hurts but you were his second option.
3 Likes
He is using you clearlyā¦ if Iām correct from reading. He was gonna leave you for another women until she found out then didnāt want him now he wants to stay with you againā¦ that is not love honeyā¦ you deserve someone better
9 Likes
love dosnāt EVER put you second, especially to another girl.
The fact he probably doesnāt have anywhere else to go, as well as sounding like heās just telling you what you want to hear so he still has a roof over his head.
You deserve someone who will not only put in the time, as well as make you feel like the only girl in the world. You shouldnāt be left to wonder.
4 Likes
He needs therapy. You need therapy.
And if you want to try to make it work again you need therapy together as well.
If he really loves you and wants to fix things he will go, period.
You also need to put down boundaries or at least learn what your boundaries areā¦
1 Like
He literally only chose you because his first choice changed her mind. Iām not trying to be cruel, but you need to realize in plain terms how messed up that is. Run. And show no mercy in protecting yourself.
8 Likes
People can change itās rare but it happens sometimes and totally possible to love more then one person at once and pick one if both isnāt an option different people give us different things itās the cheating and lying that is the issue but sounds like he needs to see a psychologist and work on his mental health still
1 Like
Hes only back tracking because he has no other options. She sees her self worth and wonāt tolerate it. You shouldnāt either.
7 Likes
Wake upā¦HE TOLD YOU that he LOVES HERā¦Should she want him back he would be gone ā¦he might be trying to be a good father but he definitely NOT A GOOD HUSBAND ā¦YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!
8 Likes
He needs to get out and get therapy, it means that he will just do it again, he has no regards for anyoneās feeling except his own.
1 Like
Hun for your piece of mind just remain friends he choose to go to her instead of being there for you and the babies he is not a man he is a coward and ran to another womens arms instead of being there to console you as he is the man you choose to be your husband ( if you want him to stay ask him to write a letter to his mother and let her know the shame he feels and see if he can treat her like that) good luck
4 Likes
Whatever decision you make remember your children will learn from your actions as well as his.
6 Likes
I dont think once a cheater, always a cheater but he didnāt just sleep with her as a one time mistake. He planned on leaving you and now that she left him, you would be willing to take him back? Hell no. LEAVE HIM. You are better than that. You and your kids deserve the world. What happens if later she changes her mind and takes him back? He will leave you again and youāll be feeling even more shitty the 2nd time around. He aint worth shit. Leave him in the dust
Youāre the consolation prize since he canāt have her aka second choice. In his mind he doesnāt want to be alone so heās willing to accept you. He hasnāt chosen you, he just canāt have her.
3 Likes
It is estimated that if someone cheated before, there is a 350 percent chance that they will cheat again, compared to those who have never cheated. In the same study that states that cheaters will cheat again, they found that those who have been cheated on will most likely be cheated on again.
1 Like
He didnāt change or regret his decision she dumped him he just doesnāt want to be alone
1 Like
Once a cheater you will never be able to trust him again because you will never forget. Always wondering if he is late where has he been. Even online cheating is just as bad. Pack his bags and see an attorney he is not worth it but your children are. Good Luck
5 Likes
There is no greater humiliation a man can do to his wife than get involved with another woman. If he wants someone else be a man and say he wants out of the marriage. Playing around is just wrong on so many ways.
I think if they get caught the.first time, they learn how to be more careful for the next.time
In my opinion once a cheater always a.cheater.
3 Likes
NO! they never fucking change and you will never be able to trust him again. Itās a shame that someone can throw away everything for a fling.
Once a cheater always a cheater on the same person, I think people who have started new relationships and cheated before can change there ways but not with the same person. From what you say he is there because she donāt want him, but what if she changes her mind. He wanted out so put his ass out like he wanted.
It is possible he has changed. It is also possible he does love BOTH of you and that neither of you fulfilled 100% of his needs. Donāt throw a marriage away while someone is putting in effort like you say he is now. Work on the marriage
1 Like
NOOOO I HATE THE SAYING ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER ughā¦anyone can change ANYONEā¦not to say he will I have no idea follow your heart do whatās best for you ā¦I know im going to get lots of negative comments but I donāt care ā¦I think if someone realy wants to change and made a mistake were only humans none of us know what were doing we all make mistakes sometimes catastrophic ones but we are all winging it ā¦u wanna stay then stay just know he may change he may not u have to deal with what happens u wanna go then move on !!
5 Likes
If he loved you, he wouldnāt have found a second option.
3 Likes
Marriage counselling definitely needs to happen
2 Likes
So I donāt necessarily believe once a cheater always a cheater HOWEVER if there is a romantic aspect of the affair then it needs to be done. Itās just not fair to you, your children or hmm.
Not necessarily once a cheater always a cheater. However, he says he still loves her. What does THAT tell you? Youāre better than this. Love yourself and your kids and let him go. By staying, youāre feeding into his narcissism
2 Likes
Is it always true? I donāt think so. Is it true in this case? Probably. The way he treated the two of you like you were interchangeable tells me that.
Girl he was on his way out and he put you on the back burnerā¦ then she decided to not be a second choice so he came back to you so he wouldnāt be aloneā¦ donāt be a second choice. I feel like if he finds another girl heās attracted to, heās gonna put you on the back burner again
5 Likes
Girl please grow a pair wtf.
1 Like
Get counseling honey. You need a professional.love to You !
Tough situation ā¦ sorry you are going through this.
Counseling. Next time hitman.
1 Like
Iām trying to find the nicest way to say this. Heās an asshole. Make him leave.
Dehors Ć coup de pieds au cul.Ƨa presse .il te prends pour boucher les trous
So sorry ! Easy to say on the outside but I think Iād try to leave him. I know personally I would never truly be comfortable and settled in that relationship, knowing he would have left me and the kids for someone else
I told friends to leave there cheating husbands fast forward 20 yrs they are all still together doing good . Yes I think there husbands changed
Iām pretty sure he is staying because there is guilt there and also I think that he doesnāt have another option right now so he is chosing the easiest option right now. I donāt think he is doing for the right reasons. He may still love you in some way but its not the same as before. Im sorry this happened to you and Iām sorry for your loss!
This is something only you can decide. If you feel he is still looking, kick him out. If you feel he really puts you and your kids First. Give it a chance. You both will need to work on your relationship . If you feel you cannot trust. Time to separate, trust must be there for a strong marriage.
Never be second choice
I would be kicking him out myself.
Donāt treat yourself like a snack when you know damn well you the whole entree!! If she wouldnāt have left him, he would still be on his way out of leaving you. Heās only trying because his first choice left his sorry ass. With that being said, you need to leave his sorry ass too before he does it a second time and makes you look like an even bigger fool for even staying in the first place. Know your worth, Queen!!
I will try again with himā¦for the sake of the kidsā¦ love or no loveā¦doesnt matter anymore if he is treating the family betterā¦ i will give him a chanceā¦ a one last chance for the sake of 4 growing kidsā¦
Get rid,he treating u like a mug!! Fucking hate men like this,ur worth 1000Ć more xxxx
Your 2nd choice,the warm safe lace to land. I feel,for youā¦yes he will cheat again.
Every relationship is different. You need to work out what you want. If you want to stay with him, then youāll have to figure out how you can move forward together. Its soceasy as a stranger to say kick him outā¦ but none of us know your relationship, you or him. Talk to a psychologist to work through this. Good luck.
So he was willing to leave you and your kids to be with another woman, and only chose to stay with you after the other woman broke things off AND he admits he still loves her and neglected you and your children while he was with her and you need advise??? Foolish
Follow your heart. You have a lot of children and responsibility and thereās time. Heās definitely paying the consequences decisions and selfishness but that doesnāt mean you canāt fall in love again. Pain teaches people valuable lessons. And you have to figure out you and if you can forgive. Some folks are more forgiving. Itās your life itās your story make it the best.
I think that you must have very low self esteem higher your standards girl find your self worth