Is it weird to buy my ex a Christmas gift from our child?

So I have a question for the single moms and daddies. Would you buy your child’s parent a gift for a holiday or birthday from your child? Even though he more than likely will not buy anything for your child or you? So here’s my story. My family thinks I’m crazy because I bought my baby daddy a gift for Christmas, something I know he will love that will be only from our child. Our child is still an infant, but I feel its important for him to get something from our child, especially since he is coming to my family Christmas dinner. He is not really active in our child’s life only comes around for big events where photos will be taken to show off he is involved(which he is not) in the beginning he was around maybe every couple weeks then once in the process of me filing for child support he started coming a few hours per week trying to get me to not file or the court not to make him pay. Once it was set in stone, he had to pay; he disappeared for months only reaching out through text ever few weeks till the holidays; then, he wanted to be there for the actual day. Being me, I was more than welcoming even though my family wasn’t comfortable since he had been verbally and emotionally abusive to me from pregnancy till recently since he hasn’t been actively involved. But he had not only done it to me but had been verbally abusive to family members of mine. Needless to say, I do everything I can for my child including putting up with him, and I always go above and beyond to make sure things are civil between us especially in these situations because I don’t want my child to feel as If I didn’t give him the chance to be daddy or just be involved to a point. When I bought the gift, I got a lot of backlash from my family and close friends because of this. My best friend was on my side said I was a great mom for putting my feelings aside for my child. But am I wrong for doing this? I know I didn’t need to buy him anything, but I just felt it was right. Idk I feel all over the place with this situation. Anyone else in this situation, I would love ur opinions on it.


My parents divorced when I was 9 and always made sure we had a present to give the other parent. That’s good coparenting.


I believe you are doing the right thing, in putting your feelings aside for the long-term benefit for your child.

You are also setting a great example. Don’t let the opinion other’s deter you.

dont buy make something

Do whatever you think is best for you and your baby. That’s great coparenting, atleast from your side :slight_smile:

You are out of your mind.
Sounds like you still want to be with this loser.
You need professional help


So he’s not there for his kid , and you are buying him a present ??


I buy presents for ex every year. He doesnt do the same for me. His wife wont allow him to even speak to me. But I do it for the kids. And I always send a card saying thanking for being a great dad

My sons father and I did this for many years, it meant so much to our son. Once we both married, our spouses respectively took over.

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Actually it’s not weird it’s called adulting more people should do it.

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Not at all! I would be doing the same .
You are a grown woman, and your kids feelings should always come first .
If he has changed his roles and is trying to be a better person after all that. Let him . Doesn’t happen often .

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Your child is an infant. The gift is 100% from YOU, not from the baby. I do think it’s weird. I think it makes it clear that you want him back and still have feelings for him…


I honestly wouldn’t buy my ex anything! He doesn’t even deserve a happy birthday from me! He’s only a dad every other weekend and has every excuse not to make Christmas concerts, open house, etc. he is not active in that babies life, stop being nice to him!! I wouldn’t even invite him to the dinner but that’s just me!


My son always made something for his father or at times bought something for him. It’s called being an adult for the sake if your child or children! Nothing wrong with that.

You’re a better person than me, because I would have gotten him nothing.

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I usually buy wether it just be a box of chocolates /scratch tickets or sometimes I just frame the kids school pictures

Sweetie alot of parents do that dont let others influence you with negative you wanna buy a gift buy a gift god bless

I think it would be a good idea and perhaps help keep communication between father & son open in the future.

If you get along now I don’t see what not. 6 yrs ago I couldn’t even look at him he made me mad. But now we actually get along better than we did married. I’d say go for it

No my parents did this forever when they got divorced

My mom and step dad split almost 5 years ago. My step dad will take my sisters to buy gifts for my mom and my mom will take my sisters to buy for their dad every year. It doesn’t matter what what arguments they had or what happens that year. They still take the kids shopping every year. Just like they did when they were together.!It helps the children cope with their parents not being together. It’s great coparenting too.


If he was an active parent then okay but since he is not then he doesn’t deserve anything… just my way of thinking. My kids father is only around for holidays and we do everything separate… I’d never buy him anything… he don’t even buy the kids anything…


Well, my sons dad has ALWAYS been in his life, and never disappeared for months at a time, but I always get gifts from him on holidays that he has bought from my son. And I do the same for him, for holidays and Father’s Day, etc.

I think it is. I don’t buy any gifts for my ex

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I think that’s very sweet and mature of you.

However since he seems like such a flake I would return it and use that money to buy for yourself or your Child instead.


When my step son was younger we always bought something for him to take to his mom.

If he doesn’t do the same for you, then no.

No matter the age of your child, it starts a tradition. Even tho he treats you badly, you’re teaching your child to be the bigger person. To love their daddy even if they’re not around much & to think about them. I think it’s awesome :woman_shrugging:t3:

While I think it’s super nice & mature of you for wanting a positive co-parenting experience with your ex, I wouldn’t buy presents for events when he doesn’t put forth the effort to be an ACTIVE participant in your child’s life. If anything, give your kid some construction paper & crayons and let them doodle a Christmas/bday card (whatever the occasion). If it’s simply about letting your child do something sweet like that, that’s plenty enough. Throw in a bag of candy if you’re feeling festive lol.


Then why in the hell are you inviting him to big gatherings and buying him shit. You’re not just a parent during big events. You’re a parent from the time the mother finds out she’s pregnant and you being a parent doesn’t end. Yes you’re out of your damn mind.

I get my daughters dad a gift from her and her sisters. It’s nothing expensive. One year he got a cup, another a photo album. But yea its normally something cheap and sentimental. It’s not for him it’s for my daughter. She likes gift giving and it’s a nice thing for her to do


Not weird. Great parenting

Not crazy at all. As your child gets older it will teach him to be a giver and not just a taker.

I think if you can afford a small gift from your child, as the child grows they’ll appreciate it. You are setting a good example!

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Well if hes not going to buy at least your guys child anything i wouldnt do it tbh.


I mean I wouldn’t have. But I think it’s nice that you want to do something nice for him even though he’s a shit.

I make sure my kids have a gift for their dads and their step mothers every Christmas and for fathers day and their birthdays. My mid daughter’s dad isn’t the greats person or father but my daughter loves him so it means the world lol d to her to have gifts for him on these days so I get him gifts for her. Its doesn’t matter what kind of father he is or how you feel about him, it’s about you child.


I wouldn’t do it. But that’s me. If you feel you need to do it. Then go for it.

We do this for my bonus kids mother and their half sister for holidays

Let him make something from dollar tree. Paint it, glue, color etc. And make him a card. I wouldn’t buy a gift that doesn’t represent the child.


I’d have the kid make him something

If hes an active parent, its not weird. Kids want to gift their parents. If hes NOT and does nothing for the child(ren) then you’re off your rocker :joy::joy::joy:


I think its mature :woman_shrugging:


Maybe if he was very active in child’s life not abusive in any way and you two on very good co-patently level… Then I would say go for it and screw what others think… However that’s not what seems to b the case. The way you explained how he is I wouldn’t. But u do what U feel is right for ur kid. Still screw what others think it’s your life not theirs

I think that’s awesome of u 2 do. More people should b like this.

That’s an excuse. That’s a baby . Return that fift. Your family and friends are correct. When the kid is older,then I can understand and it should be 5 dollars or less. Why do you accept him at your family dinners? Your baby dont know an ughhh thing and pictures to prove a false claim! You are setting your child up for failure. As he will see these lies and be expecting that as he grows older. Return that gift ASAP!!!


I think it’s super nice of you! &I personally would do the same even without getting a gift in return IF he was there for his child… not just for the big holidays.!

Girl stop letting him do that to you. If he can’t be there all the time then don’t let him be there any of the time and make him do his own stuff on his own you are not his mom or his babysitter and your child should see the truth. Because when they get older they will think that their father did all of those wonderful things and they will be expecting it instead show them that you are there and you care and if their father wants to he will do the same

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No it’s not weird. If he’s a loser then just do something small

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No. That’s weird. When the kid gets older and asks for your help it wont be weird. I helped my kids make their stepmom a gift for mothers day and she helped them make me one. Because the kids asked.

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My daughters dad and I have been buying gifts for each other from our daughter for birthdays, Christmas, and mother’s/father’s day for years. Our little girl loves picking the gift out herself. She feels so special. I see nothing weird about this. You are simply showing your child what a healthy co-parenting relationship looks like.


Do you really want someone who is abusive and disrespectful around your Baby . No father is better then a bad father . Your child will learn by watching You and him . Plan to be without him. Your little family will be happy , and your child will grow up with love and respect. Your prince will come when your not expecting it.


Yes regardless of who or how parents act children like to give their parents gifts so you’re doing the right thing mama.

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Is the present your way of trying to pay him to be in your child’s life… I’d personally make something with hand or foot print…second 17 years ago I chose to not be THAT woman… so I let my ex bounce in and out her life… worst mistake ever


I think your doing the right thing, that’s your sons father and it’s a lovely gesture. I hope that the two of you can put aside your differences and learn how to co parent for the sake of your baby. Get counselling. Go to mediation, get court orders, create a parenting plan. Don’t stop trying.

I think it’s great
Co parenting done right

I personally wouldn’t buy him stuff… I understand you wanting to make things civil and that’s great but he really doesn’t deserve the gift ya know? If anything, since your making it about your child and how its specifically just from the child, then why dont you make something for him? Fathers day one year I made a salt dough (google for recipe) nd shaped it into a heart and one side had my daughters right foot and the left side had my other daughters left foot. And stamped them in it and cooked it to harden it and painted it… and gifted that to him. That’s just an example . You could do anything. That would be alot better than buying a gift for him . This would be nice cause it involves the child in the gift


I used to buy my ex present for birthday/Xmas and Father’s Day but after many excuses why he “hadn’t time” or “forgot” I gave up! It’s a two way street if he can’t respect you as the mother of his child then why should you bother?x

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I’m buying my sons father from our boy and he hasnt been all that active since we split three weeks ago x

I personally wouldn’t do especially since the child is just a baby right now… when the baby is older and can make things and actually help pick out something they want to get the other parent





From the kids that’s great, no matter how he is you are teaching your kids the right thing. Even if the child is to young making it a tradition will make it normal and not awkward as they grow. 
This approach is amazing and your kids will also get the fulfillment of giving.

Great job momma. Put the child first :heart:
Raising one of the soon to be best mature adults.

Lol if your child is an infant then yeah you’re definitely just getting him a gift from yourself. Let’s not sugarcoat it. Now you have the right to do that. But let’s not use the baby as cover for it lol


When they where small I would take my son and bonus daughter to dollar store and let them pick out what they wanted to buy for christmas. They would buy all 4 of us parents something and there siblings. They where so happy to do so. Now that the oldest our 17 and 15 they do it them selfs.

No thats lovely as its from his child.

Your child is an infant… youre not teaching the child anything yet, so this gift is clearly coming from you. But, when your child is old enough to start understamding and wants to get dad a gift, that’s where you can be the good mom when it comes to this kinda stuff.


We do! When they were younger, we would take them to buy daddy & step mom something for Christmas. One from each of them, then one from both. Now they have a baby brother at dad’s, and they are both in school, so this yr they will buy their dad n step moms stuff at the schools Santa Shop and I will take them out to pick out something for their baby brother. He’s only 6ish months so I just don’t think the Santa Shop has anything for him lolol

I think it’s nice and shows great maturity on your behalf… However, he seems very disrespectful and I can see why your family isn’t a fan. Just make sure to be on guard for your child because even picture can speak volumes about a person trauma.

I did it with my daughter, but I would make little keep sakes, like handprint cards and stuff like that, I wouldn’t buy anything. I think a keepsake would be better if she is an infant than a store bought gift.

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If he does nothing for your child then that’s a no,Christmas is for kids if he is that much of a deadbeat and doesn’t do for your child he deserve a damn thing

Hell no I would not give him the time of day


I bought the kids dad a gift from them. Hes a big part of their life and they dont have the ability to get one on their own. They picked it out i ordered it and paid for it

Co-Parenting done right!

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You are doing the right thing. We do it for my daughter’s mother (I am bonus mom) we may not buy the gift every holiday, we coordinate with her mom to see which one if us is taking the girls to get the gift. If she happens to be in a relationship at the time (sometimes she is and sometimes she isnt) we let her boyfriend take care of it. We always make sure that the kids have something to give her. She doesn’t do the same for us but as their dad and I are married it is not necessary as I take care of it.

If it’s a gift from the child then it’s ok , so since it’s an infant then a gift that has to do with the baby ie: baby footprints or baby framed picture. Not a store bought pair of Jordan’s type gift lol cause that’s clearly you wanting to give him something and using the excuse that it’s “from your child”


No. I’d buy my boyfriend a gift of he was an ex and was active in my child’s life often and did things with her, not if he is useless and refuses to be in her life.

I think the fact he’s been absent and you’re gracious enough to allow him to come celebrate with your family should be a present in and of itself that’s just me tho


I’d let that be my child’s choice. I have asked my 12 yr old if she would like to gift her father something and if she does we get it for him. I was married 21 yrs and we have 2 girls 20 and 12. We get along great and both of us have moved on and he still took my youngest to the store to buy me a birthday gift as well. We are still family although separated.

I give my kids money and they buy him a gift or if I am skint they will make him one. Its from them not me.

He’s not involved so I say no personally, he may show up to events now but that doesn’t mean he’ll come around more often he may disappear completely. Waste of precious energy I’d wait until your child’s at least two and see how it is then then the child can be a lot more involved as well at that point

He was abusive throughout your pregnancy and isn’t really active in the child life so I would say not only no but hell no!! It does show you’re mature but why buy him a gift when he’s not even there for the child it’s coming from??

Youre doing the right thing…your setting the ground for a strong relationship for your child and his father.

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Of course not. How is the child supposed to learn the gift of giving if you don’t teach him. With the closest person in his life…his dad .

A gift yes. Good for you for putting your feelings aside. However I likely would have made something Instead of buying it.

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For the ones saying “it’s great co-parenting” obviously didn’t read. The thing is he isn’t co-parenting 🤦

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You’re giving a gift from an infant to a verbally and emotionally abusive man who is not an involved father?
I can’t imagine a world where that is the right thing to do.


No. I had my kids pick out the gift and help wrap it for Christmas and fathers day. Even if he never bought me or gave me anything. It’s about the kids and what your show them and teach them.


I’m not even going to read your back story…
if your child is old enough to understand gift giving, then you should help them get a gift for their other parent. It can be a homemade gift, or something small that is purchased at a store. Or if they’re old enough, have them earn the money to purchase a gift. Regardless of the relationship between you and your ex, you’re a parent and it’s your responsibility to teach your child to do the right thing.

Do what you want. I get my daughter’s father a Christmas and birthday gift. :woman_shrugging:

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You’ve just explained how awful he was to you and your family. Your child is an infant who doesn’t know what’s going on but you feel as though this person still deserves a present? Know your worth mama. Don’t use your child as an excuse until he’s old enough to give his own present that will be more memorable to him if you want to be civil.


You don’t have to give him a chance to be a dad if he really wanted to he would. I think you’re crazy because I sure as fuck wouldn’t especially knowing he likely won’t even get HIS OWN kid a gift. :woman_facepalming:t3: but it’s your choice you’re being super nice as long as you know y’all are separated for a reason and that you aren’t gonna fall back into a trap. It’s a really nice gesture of you… I think he’s gonna feel bad and know what he lost and he should feel bad… I hope the best you have a huge heart I hope the best for you and I hope he starts coming around more consistently for the child.

I never got any presents lol speaking as a mother who went through the same thing (my daughter is 20 now) and after all my efforts to get them together, he would still make promises and cancel them blaming me. She started hating me saying I was keeping them apart, became depressed, suicidal, acted out. It’s only now when she’s on her 20’s and she’s trying to make that effort on her own that she’s actually seeing what he’s really like.
Make him a little card w baby’s foot prints or an ornament.

Ah love is love! Of course what you doing is great until you let other people’s opinion effect you. I say keep being a great person and screw nah sayers. You don’t buy gift for only people who have helped you out in life you do it to give everyone deserves kindness

That’s sweet your doing the right thing … me and my sons dad are very close! … I always buy him a gift for birthdays and holidays … it’s from both of us tho but that’s just because we’re close and very good friends but your deff doing the right thing


If he wont buy a gift for his own child theres no way i would buy him one. Unless your child insists. Dont put the thought in the babies head. Let them sort it out themselves.

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I think a your child gets older ( even 2 or 3, from toddler years on up) yes, you should. It is the right thing to do and will make your kid feel good and help teach the spirit of the holiday. Help your kid pick out a gift, wrap it ( child helping throughout) and have the child present it to him. Before you child is old enough to comprehend what is going on ( baby-24 months) I would gift photos, sentimental items directly related to the child ( hand and footprint art, pixs with Santa, ect) and that is it.


My son only sees his father once a week and this only started since may. My son is 3. And for fathers day, my sons dads birthday and Christmas I buy my ex a present from me and my son.

I’m not reading all that. But no. It’s not weird. Tell your family to butt out of your business.

I don’t think this should reflect his parenting or lack of. I think it shows your heart. And why change your heart to be black and cold just because someone else’s actions aren’t lining up with our own? I think that if you are doing this for your child and it comes from a good place then don’t question it :blush:. I went through a VERY similar situation with my older 2 and their dad (they are now 12 and 10 years old) and I get along great with their dad NOW. But I feel like I could easily spend time hating him and exhausting myself with fighting about things that may never change, or I could just be me and do what I feel is right for my children to see that there can still be love shown through a friendship, and hope that they learn forgiveness through that.

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