It felt right and you did it. That should be enough. Just make sure he dont take advantage of the idea that you are giving a gift from your son by asking for something unreasonable. Your son is young now, but they grow fast. You’re doing fine
Return it and buy the person who supports you the most through all of this something nice.
Not weird at all. You are teaching your child the right way! It’s about your child, not the parent! Bravo
I think you’re doing a good thing, I do, but if he’s abusive and not sincerely, nor actively, involved in your child’s life… well that’s going to give him the idea that he still has control over you. And I definitely would not have him at Christmas dinner.
I buy gifts for the ex
I personally would not. Especially since your ex disappears for months only to reappear for bigger moments.
If you did that, that’s what you wanna do. Just remember it may not come back to you…ever. dont be supervised or shocked if the live isnt returned.
My son is 9 and my baby daddy and I have been apart from 5 years but he still likes to get or make a present for his dad so I let him. His dad and I get along most times now, even if we didn’t in the beginning, so that’s a little different from your situation
In my opinion it’s wierd cause your child is not old enough to think about buying a gift so the gift is really coming from YOU ! If a man wants to be involved he will be on his own …sounds like you should stop wasting your time.
I help my stepson buy his mom gifts because he wants to even if hes lucky to have a phone call from her so no I don’t see a problem with it at all
I give my son money every year to pick out something for his dad and his dads parents for xmas. Some years it’s from the dollar tree but we always get something for him to give. It makes him feel good. He also appreciates that we do these things and will remember me helping him draw a homemade bday card etc … I can’t stand his Dad anymore but I love my son. Good for you.
No because hes still your kid father.try to put yoyr differences aside.if dont work out you tried .
Good 4 u follow your heart and let all the negative go. Good mothering and leading and seeking common ground Momma. Your a bigger person than me maybe.
In most cases I would say that’s really sweet and shows your good character. Which it does. But… you’re basically rewarding his bad behavior and enabling him to keep being an absent father. Giving him a gift is kind of like saying “hey it’s okay you’re not around, you’re still a good person” which in reality… he’s not being a good person especially not a good dad. If he’s only coming around for holidays for pictures with the baby to showboat and pretend he’s involved I would be PISSED. But it seems like you’re giving him the benefit of the doubt which can be dangerous… you don’t want him to start feeling entitled or like what he’s doing is good enough because it’s absolutely not. He’s not doing you or your baby any favors by coming in and out of your lives and being inconsistent. I usually don’t have strong opinions but I STRONGLY suggest you return the gift and don’t give it to him. Someone said bug nice gifts for those helping you I would just do that instead. Don’t give him the time of day because he’s clearly not giving you or your baby a second thought.
I do it and my kids dad does it as well. I also get him and his wife something.
U do what u want my bd hasnt been around for a full year yet my lo 4 but i have already caught him up on gifts like important ones like we all have trins with her date of birth and name and i gave him a braclet that resembles her ect
I personally wouldn’t, sounds like your kissing ass when it doesn’t need to be kissed. When your child is old enough to pick out a gift for their father then I would say sure. Your child won’t know anything right now so it’s pointless and silly to me. To me it seems like you still have feelings and are using your child as an excuse to buy him a gift because you don’t want to say that you are the one who wants to buy him a gift. It’s your money though, so you can spend it how you see fit
My mom would do the same from my brother and I.
Hi, I am in a similar predicament. Baby daddy didn’t even buy a present for his own sons first Christmas last year! I, however, tried to do the right thing and bought a small gift and made a card. This year I have no idea what to do. I mean, how could he not buy his son a first Christmas present? How is that in any way okay?! But I feel like I want to teach my son about the gift of giving and kindness, so will probably make something rather than buy something this year. I feel your struggle!
I always bought from kids to dad. Now i take grandkids shopping to pick something for my ex daughter in law, their mom. It’s important to them to be able to get both parents something. When ild enough dad should get you 1 from her as well
I think that would be fine when your child is older, however, the kids an infant so that’s a gift from you for sure
I always let my sons buy their bio dad (and step mom if they want) a present or 2 for christmas and birthdays, same with my step son, i let him pick out 1 or 2 things he wants to get his mom and i go and buy it. (My husbands ex and us have had our issues, same with my ex and his fiance, but i do it for the kids, i dont want our issues rubbing off on them and them thinking we dont like each other)
Why blacken your heart because he isn’t a good guy? That would be stooping to his level.
Honestly, because of the childs age. I wouldn’t. It’s not really coming from the child at this point. Its really coming from you. Like someone else said, the kids not old enough to think of it, let alone say it. If the child was even a 2 YO, or up, and they wanted to, then absolutely yes. Im all for co parenting and being civil. But In this scenario and from what you have said. I wouldn’t get the gift for him. And it could send mixed signals to him.
I do have a concern, and it’s this, if he is making your family uncomfortable or uneasy, and your not together and you know that he’s doing it just to showboat. What ever wound passes you to invite him to your family’s Christmas gathering knowing they felt this way? Really the child is an infant. They won’t remember him being there.
Very sweet of you, love for our children’s fathers are unconditional.
If mine ever came to see his kid we’d give him a gift from her. But the sucka never shows
In my opinion, you are doing the best thing for your child. I think you should buy him a gift for Christmas, his bday and Father’s day. It doesn’t matter what ge does, you do the right thing. My husband walked and never looked back and I still sent a card with pics or a gift for those holidays. Good job momma…
There is nothing wrong with you letting your child get his other parent a gift. Sounds like you’re a bigger person than the people in your life.
I think it makes you the bigger person for doing it for your child
Not at all. It’s great that you guys are still amicable.
I am re-married and I let my daughter pick out a gift for her dad every year (been doing it for 8 years!) My daughter loves picking out a gift for her Dad and it makes me happy to know she can do that.
Even though he has never made the effort to do anything, It makes me proud to know I am trying to show my daughter we are all family regardless because we are all part of her
I did for my sons dad when he was kinda in his life. My son saw a cup and said his dad wanted it for his birthday so I bought it. My son was 3 at the tome
Yes, I think you’re crazy. If he’s not involved and probably won’t buy you or your child anything then why would you waste your money on something for him. Instead you should use that money on your child or save it. Sounds like you just still have feelings for him and want to get him something for Christmas yourself. It’s not a present from the child. Now if that’s what you want to do then by all means do it, but I agree with your family.
Now if the child was older and picked something out in the store and was like “I wanna get this for daddy for Christmas” then that’d be a different story because it really would be from the child.
So, generally the answer is yes, it is okay to get your ex holiday gifts from young children. My ex got me a Mother’s Day present from our two boys ( a toddler and an infant) and he did the same on Father’s Day. When we were together he always made sure his teenage daughters had gifts for his ex-wife, their mother. But he is a wonderful father so I don’t mind doing things like this. In your situation I would stop being so kind and supportive. He is doing your child wrong and neglecting his parental duties. With your kindness and gifts, in a way you are saying you approve of this behavior. I would give him the gift- with a polite but stern letter about how his behavior is affecting his child.
I find it nice and proper
No. I do it and he also buys me something from my son. We do Father’s day and mother’s day gifts too. We do our best to get along for the boy.
Yes I would. You a the bigger person n others can learn from you.
The child is an infant. They didn’t pick the gift, you did. I’m all for civil co-parenting, but no. And if he was verbally abusive to my family, I sure wouldn’t include him in their holiday celebration.
Ok. So you bought him the gift because you think you can guilt or manipulate him into being a father (news flash: you cannot). And you posted about it, because you feel bad for trying to manipulate a situation that you already feel responsible for creating. Maybe you thought giving him a child would finally make him love you? Only you know that. Regardless, I think if you believe that you’re doing this for the right reasons, then you shouldn’t need validation. But that’s par for the course for someone with self worth issues. That money would have been better spent on a therapist instead, but it’s nice that you’re trying to include him, even if it’s to appease your guilt. I’m sorry if that seems harsh, but that’s my opinion. I’m not always right… but I’m not always wrong either.
My son is 4. I buy his dad a gift from our son AND a gift from me every year. Even though baby daddy never does it back eventually it’ll look shitty on him and I’ll look like the generous one
I buy gifts for Dad, step-mom and step siblings every year.
I did and do and he’s never reciprocated (even when we were together). I have even bought presents for him to give to his other kids that aren’t mine and not in our lives. If you feel it, do it. You are never wrong for showing love, kindness, compassion or generosity. God gives us all these undeserved. It’s right to pass it along. Let your light shine momma! And Merry Christmas!
Do not buy him anything.
My mom always did for my dad and his wife on christmas and birthdays from me until i was old enough to get a job. He never did for my mom.
The child is still an infant & he disappeared for several months? So, most of the child’s life, so far. Yes, I think it’s weird. An inconsistent, manipulative parent is more harmful than a completely absent parent.
Your being a good parent like people don’t understand once you make a child with someone even if your not together you have to put any feelings you may have to the side for your baby so good job mom:clap:
I always take the kids shopping for their dad for xmas and his bday. He does the same
He doesn’t need a reward for not doing shit for your kid. I think you’re creating an awkward situation for yourself.
Your never wrong for doing things that heal your heart .
Nope, if I was in that boat I would by him gifts from the kids.
Last year I got my bd Mario bro socks from our daughter it’s the thought that counts he never gets us anything but I don’t hold it against him like even if he doesn’t come around I know my daughter is good and has everything she needs
I say give him the gift make his ass feel bad.
I think these are 2 different issues. First: the present. Do what you like. If it makes you feel good and you’re spending your own money, do what you like. Since your kid is an infant, she has no idea so, realize this is strictly for you and your doing. Second. Why would you invite your baby daddy to your family’s house/party when he’s been disrespectful and abusive towards your family? Why would you potentially make them uncomfortable in their own home? That is selfish. You want to do a Christmas thing with him and the baby, then do it at your place or go to a Christmas light show and exchange gifts there or do one of a million other things and don’t shit on your family’s Christmas.
It doesn’t matter what anyone’s opinion is, you did it with a good heart and will be blessed for it. Don’t worry about what anyone thinks. Do what you feel is right.
Yes buy the gift as this shows your child you can be civil and respect his daddy he may not do it back but one day he just might it also teaches a child even though mommy and daddy are not together than can still be friends and talk and they love me enough to do this
Nope he don’t pay child maintenance so I ain’t wasting a penny on him maybe a card from the kids if he did pay lol
My mom bought my daddy & bubba something for there birthday & Christmas every year from us! He was the same way, my bubba isn’t my moms kid but she makes sure to buy them one every year
If he’s not really been there for your baby I wouldn’t give him the time of day. It would be different if he was a good dad .
I would not do it nor would I let him come to my family’s gathering. It would be different if your child was not an Infant and could verbally express to you that he wanted his dad to have a Christmas present or to come to Christmas, your baby can’t do that…your child knows no difference at this point the only people that do are you, him and your family…dont make those who are around when it counts uncomfortable. You either think that doing this will guilt him in to being the daddy you want your baby to have OR you aren’t over him and are trying to get him back. Don’t invite him and don’t get him a gift. Let him see his child on his own time not your family’s time
You’re teaching your child to be a good human by listening to your gut if it feels good for you and your child and it is only advancing your child’s capacity to love and be considerate you’re doing everything right. F*** everybody else’s opinion but yours
It’s not weird…kindness is kindness. Just don’t feel obligated, of course, to buy.
It’s completely up to you, do what your heart tells you
I think it’s a big move of you! It shows that your capable of being the bigger person. It’s also good that your able to understand and ok with the fact the he may not do the same.
I personally try to make the best out of every situation. I bought a gift for my husbands ex wife and said it was from us. To me it was important to get her a gift because of everything she does for the kids. She’s a big part of their lives and that made me want to show an appreciation for her as well. Even though she doesn’t like me and has tried to get my husband back despite the fact we are married and expecting. Lol I still chose to be the bigger person just because that’s who I am! You should never change who YOU ARE based on someone else’s actions. So I say good job mama!!
Yes you should and take plenty of pictures. No matter what happens in the future your child can look back in later years and see that who helped you make them was important to you and him/her. I bought a present for both my sons’ dad, they have different ones for every holiday and birthday and fathers day. When they became employed at 17/18 they took over buying it for their dads or not, then it’s their choice. There is never anything wrong with modeling the behavior for your child, even as an infant, that you want them to grow up to be. Now my oldest son is raising 2 step sons and he makes sure he is repeating what he learned from me and that is a thank you that is so heartwarming to see.
If u have an amicable relationship then why not i think its a lovely gesture x
Do what feels right to you. My ex and his family still is invited and comes to my children’s birthday parties, holidays and other celebrations at my house.
If my children ask or tell me they need to get their dad something, of course. We also do it for their 1/2 siblings for birthdays and holidays.
Nothing fancy, just a little something. No biggie.
I always give my kids 20 bucks to get their dad a present from them. I take them and they pick it out. No matter how much he makes me upset. It is always from them. It makes them happy too.
Well if it was me I wouldn’t get him a gift like that until the child is older and understands what it means. But if the father isn’t really involved I probably wouldn’t do it at all unless the child came to me and said they wanted to do it. Since he has been verbally abusive to not only you but your family members I wouldn’t have him come to the family gathering. He can be a father without be invited to your family things. If he really cared to put in the effort, it shouldn’t only be you trying and pushing him.
Nope it’s called co-parenting! You did good!
I do. But she’s 7. It makes her happy. And that’s what matters.
Yes. Nothing wrong with having a beautiful soul
You are doing this for you and your ex. Your child is too young. I’d return it for the monies and move on
This is an infant we’re talking about here, so this has nothing to do with the kid. It honestly comes across as you trying to get back with him. I truly wouldn’t. When your kid is old enough that they can make a decision about what to buy, absolutely. But until that time it’s very odd and has nothing to do with co-parenting
I think making something for dad related to baby is fine until he is ready to pick out his own present. However, what I find troubling is that he has been verbally abusive to you and your family, yet you allow him to come to your family’s Christmas party? He shouldn’t be allowed to go to someone else’s home if he is disrespectful to them, or even at your house, as in this case family comes first. Set up a time time to exchange, or rather, give him his gift.
You know I do every year for birthdays Christmas Father’s day ect. As well as help our son make a card.
He has never one time returned the favor. This year I said I wasn’t going to do it and then I changed my mind while I was at the store because I decided just because he’s a jerk doesn’t mean I have to be 🤷
Don’t let these petty little girls on here make you feel bad for being a good person, your kids will grow up with the example to be kind to everyone
I think its sweet! I’m buying my new boyfriends ex wife a gift for Christmas for his two kids to give to her. It shows that you are a good person. Dont change your character because of someone else’s!
I do it so my daughter can give her father something, it’s not weird at all.
Your child is an infant and doesn’t know what’s going on… Had the child been toddler age and up… I would say yes, great idea (let the kid pick it out) I’m not against that one bit… But for someone who isn’t even involved in the childs life… He doesn’t deserve a damn gift.
I have done this before. It was a Christmas pic of my boys that I had blown up, framed, and gave as a gift. I don’t think there’s any harm in it. Just shows you’re a good mom trying to be civil
Doesn’t matter how old your little one is, to me it’s never to early to set an example to your kids what it’s like to be a good person, giving without expectations. Your little one will grow up seeing these things and can learn to be a good person in return. You keep doing you
Patricia Welsh Your idea is great. I also used a picture and framed it for my son’s Dad and in-laws. Always from my son. I don’t think it wrong at all. Issues were between them not the baby.
I do this every year for most holidays from the kids. Now my kids are older and ask for it. We even bought him a cake when he finally got a job promotion. Just because he is an ass doesn’t mean that I can’t show the kids how I can be a descent human being.
There’s no right or wrong here it’s your decision and yours alone until your child old enough to speak and tell you what they want so don’t let anybody bug you about it it’s your call plain and simple sorry for your loss man and you tell them that it is not their decision
Eh from a baby? I get from an older kid but you might be sending mixed signals there. Never give an abusive man mixed signals. When ur kid gets older I can see letting the child do. But this gift is directly from you. And it’s a bit iffy
I agree that it’s sending mixed signals.
Nope. I buy gifts for my exhusbands 3 kids and say its from my 3 kids bcuz those are their siblings
If he isnt even getting the kid a gift, dont. Dont give it to him unless he is. Fuck that
I think your right. This is about your child and his relationship with his father, you need to help establish that now and show that you want him (the father) to be in the child’s life at this early point and encourage it to continue.
At the end of the day your child will know you tried to help them have a relationship with their dad. That is the most important thing no matter how else it turns.
Depending on wha you buy
The thought is sweet, and I get it, but it being something you know he will love is a bit far, box of chocolates would have done, or even better a handmade card with his handprint on it, something from his child, not from you.
I do this but my kid is 9 and I don’t want her to show up empty handed. I give her a $15 budget for birthday fathers day and Christmas. One christmas she got him whataburger spicy ketchup that he’s obsessed with and other favorite snacks. For fathers day she got him a mug that said “dad you’ve always been like a father to me.” Now that he’s remarried christmas gifts will have to be for both of them like candles or something because I’m not trying to go broke lol. Your child is too young to care about showing up for holidays empty handed imo seems kind of like you want him back
I buy stuff for my kid’s father, even though we dislike each other and the kids are 13 and 16. I do it because I try not to show my dislike towards him in front of our kids. No matter what, he is their father and I can’t change that nor can I change the fact that they love their dad. So, I suck up my emotions and put my big girl britches on and do what I need to do. If I see he needs some shirts or whatever, I get them and gift them for Christmas from our kids. I know that even though he dislikes me, he respects me the same as our kids mother. Sometimes I struggle and even though he pays child support, if he sees i need something he pays because he wants to make sure we are not struggling as hard. We both have a mutual respect and coparent to the best of our ability. No, he was not always in the picture but we had a come to Jesus meeting and he knew he needed to put his priorities in check. Now, everything’s been great for the last 3 years. There’s not really a right or wrong answer here. It’s all about how you perceive things yourself and it’s your decision. People think we are crazy but we do what we feel is necessary for our children.
No harm in it, even from an infant/child but curious to know what the gift is 🤷
Kinda makes it seem like you’re not over him given how young the child is just my opinion
Nope. The child always feels good being able to gift the other parent.
I think your promoting a good co-parenting relationship. Maybe he wont reciprocate but you can not help that. I personally wish more people would do things like this.
I think it is fine as long as you hold no exceptions . I take my grandson shopping for his mom and dad who are no longer together. Give is old enough now to participate.
If he doesn’t care 3nough to buy for the baby then he doesn’t care enough to appreciate the meaning behind the gift. Besides he will know it’s from you not a baby. It is more fore you than the baby. Your family is right. Let him go and buy something for your child or save the money as it seems like you may need it in future for the baby.
I do… every Fathers Day, Bday, Christmas, all of em I dont do it for my ex… I do it for my kid.
Yes I have with both of mine’s dads.It’s never been about our relationship,it’s about the childrens.x