My mom is a severe alcoholic. She has vodka for breakfast, drinks daily, and gets sloppy and loud/mean after only a couple of drinks. I’ve told her that she isn’t going to be able to allowed to babysit and things if she doesn’t stop drinking, but she says she doesn’t care and doesn’t seem to take me seriously. She and my father are still together/live together along with my brother, so I can’t exactly cut off contact, and I don’t mind her visiting if I’m around to monitor how much she’s had. But I would never feel comfortable leaving my daughter there with her. (She once picked up my bf’s nephew from my aunts without my permission driving drunk with him) I’m almost six months pregnant and am sure she’s going to try to be there for the birth, but I’m not sure I’m comfortable but also feel bad to say no. She’s always been (still is) active in my life, but her drinking has been out of control for a long time now. Would I be awful to say she can’t be there? Or babysit?
You know the answer to this. NO
My Grandmother was an alcoholic, and due to circumstances my mom did the best she could but I was exposed to it as a child. From your child’s perspective, please, do what you feel is safe.
No, not awful. It’s the natural consequences of her relationship with alcohol. Please think about checking into Al-Anon. 
Why is this even a question? You are feeling guilty for what? For her habit? For her addiction? She could 1. Hurt your child if she baby sits because she’s do messed up she may get violent. 2. Not pay attention to your child, if she babysits, and something bad could happen to your baby. Do you not realize your child could possibly pass away with a severe drunk watching him or her on their own? I just don’t get why people think that this is even an option. Who gives a shit of shes your mom. IF SHE CANT HELP HERSELF THEN KEEP YOUR HELPLESS BABY AWAY FROM HER.
As for her being in the roo. while you give birth…Let her know she needs to be sober or you’ll have her escorted away.
NOT awful at all . - You have to act in the best interests of your child/ren .
She should not be there nor should be be permitted to babysit. That is putting the child in a terrible situation. And i can’t imagine a hospital will tolerate someone drunk in the waiting room at that time. Best wishes to you and new little one.
Heck no you’re not wrong! My dad was an alcoholic of over 45 years. He would start drinking as soon as he woke up. A fifth of Kessler whisky or 7 crown and a case of carling black label. All of this before noon. I would never have allowed him alone with my children. I loved my dad dearly, but he made his choice and I decided I was tired of dealing with it!
No. Set boundaries. You are responsible for your child. Not your mother.
I’d set rules right now. Stick to them. She’s not allowed around baby unless sober. Her choice now.
As far as babysitting, don’t feel guilty. Your first job is protecting your child. You’ll see that when the baby actually comes. Protective instincts are fierce and you’ll do what you need to regardless of her feelings. As for letting her in the room for the birth, I’d make the stipulation she has to be sober. If she’s sober and supportive let her in. She acts up boot her out. The hospital has security if she won’t go quietly. They will side with you and even step in it she’s really disruptive and you don’t know how to make her leave. Your comfort is their first priority.
Someone like that says what they mean. She doesn’t care and even if you asked her to babysit she would probably say no. She’s telling you all you need to know. She truly doesn’t care. That’s a harsh reality. I hope you can find support from your significant others family, and hopefully your mom will realize what she’s doing. Sad.
This is not acceptable. If you allow her to sit, and something happens…there’s a big chance you will be liable and have the baby taken from you (it almost happened to someone I knew), because you knew what the circumstances were prior to letting your child be in her presence like that. As far as the birth, if she isn’t sober she can’t be there. That way whatever she chooses is her choice, not yours.
🤦 i mean obviously you dont feel its safe and you already seem to know the answer to your question not sure anyone here is going to tell you to leave your infant with a drunk 💁 its your infant’s life you would be putting in danger if you do leave it with her so that should be common sense
My mom was the same… I told her she wasn’t allowed to be around me or my child if she continues. My mom checked herself into rehabilitation really soon after and is 13 years sober this year because she wasn’t willing to give that up… choices love. I would never EVER allow that. She has a choice!
No way I whould never let anyone baby sit my child that is like that or be there with me
My dad is an alcoholic too since i can remember. A big pink elephant in our room. Now that i have my own family, no matter if he is my father i will never let my son experience the horrible things i did because of him. only people with true and sincere love, respect and concern are allowed to be near me and my love ones. i dont feel guilty disposing toxic people away from us. life is short. i have been robbed of my childhood innocence because of others, i am determine to live my life to the fullest this time.
What’s important to you is what’s most important. Right, wrong or indifferent, doesn’t matter, inebriated = unable to properly care for a baby as well as unable to behave appropriately, whether in the room with you birthing the baby or in the waiting room. That WILL affect how you feel, the stress is something you don’t need and if she can’t appreciate and respect that, that’s on her. If she isn’t willing to compromise long enough to see the miracle of this baby entering the world or holding this baby right after birth, then she can sit at home and see the baby when you decide to visit. You visiting her can make it easier to control the time and capacity of her interaction with the baby. Most importantly, this isn’t about her, this time is about you and your new baby. Speak with the nursing staff upon admission, they will fiercely protect you like a bunch of mama/daddy bears and it’s nothing less than AWESOME! Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the best of luck and congratulations on the upcoming new addition to the family.
You’ll feel even worse if she’s drunk and accidentally hurts your baby. That’s your priority now, not her feelings.
No no no! Her addiction is not your problem. She won’t change until she wants to change. You have to set boundaries. Tell her if she’s drinking at that time of the birth, she needs to wait to see baby when she’s not drinking. Sounds like she’s a pretty severe alcoholic and you can’t expect her to have had nothing but you can tell when she’s had too much to hold baby. Absolutely no to babysitting. But hey, that’s up to you.
I would say no and no. Given your mother’s addictive relationship with alcohol it’s fairly normal to feel guilty about holding boundaries, it’s a “codependent” pattern common in those in some sort of relationship with addicts. When you understand the relationship dynamic it’ll be easier to step outside of them and put your needs, and those of your baby first. A valuable book is codependent no more, or checkout the Holistic Psychologist’s page
No your have every rigjt to protect your self and child against anyone toxic is toxic
NO, NO, NO!! She needs to deal with her issues, for being an alcoholic, and than be there for her family and than for being a responsible grandma!! Please don’t feel guilty for not having her there!! Obviously she’s choosing booze!! God Bless you and your family!! All the best.
I cut my mom off of babysitting when I returned early, found her passed out in a chair with a boiling pot on the stove, along with a completely burned down cigarette. At least it was in the ashtray.
You can and should cut contact between her and your kids, until she gets and stays sober.
It’s your responsibility to your baby to protect them from toxic and unwell people. Even family members. You can NOT fix your mom. She has to fix herself.
You’re asking a fucking question you already know the answer to
No it’s not wrong at all. Do not let her in for the birth or babysit. So dangerous to leave a baby with a drunk.
Umm how about NO! Absolutely not! It doesn’t matter if shes your mother or some stranger on the street your child’s safety comes first. How is this even a question?
Addiction is her choice, and by continuation of the addiction, she’s also making the choice to not be a part of her Grandchild’s life. There repercussions for poor choices, enough said…
My Mother is a drug addict, gambler and irresponsible parent. I did not invite her to my wedding the same way she refuse to attend to my every school graduations and events because she has “gambling sesh and cannot be bothered”. I am not pregnant with my first child and I don’t bother myself to invite her to come over and see her very first grandchild. It’s enough that she scarred my childhood and my adulthood, I must protect my family from her damage.
I did that to my mom. My kids were about 7 or 8 when they got to know my mom. Didn’t want them to see what I had to see.
Absolutely not wrong. You have every right to protect your child, and it’s better you set boundaries early on.
Dear Heart, You answered your own question in the first sentence. You know alcohol is not a good babysitter. Essentially, if your mother is seriously involved that deep, it’s going to be the booze of choice that is in the forefront. Your mother needs to detox and join a AAA program .
Do NOT put your child at risk. Your baby comes first. Sorry not sorry. They say what they mean. She truly doesn’t care if she isn’t getting sober. You are absolutely right and you need to send a message your daughter is your number one priority. Don’t let her ruin not only your birthing experience but also your bonding experience with your baby right after birth. This really is something you know, it’s just extremely hard to accept and I’m sorry for your pain. But facts are facts and your baby matters more than her feelings/addiction.
I’d tell her yeah mom, I want you there to be a part of the birth but if you are drunk and out of control, you are getting kicked out! I’m not having it, this is my day and I’m not babysitting YOU! It is her job to be in control of her own self if she wants to be a part of this. I’d also tell her that you need her to be there for you. It might change things around a bit. Babysitting right now, would be a hard no for me. Unless you are comfortable with it. Good luck honey and I hope you have a very smooth delivery. You need your mom to be there for YOU.
Your mother isn’t capable of appreciating the importance of the birth of your child. Alcoholics are selfish. She is not going to change for you. You have to set boundaries with her. Do you want your child to have a dysfunctional relationship with your mother like you have. Don’t feel guilty for making the decision to put your family first. If your mother wants to be in the child’s life she will have to get it together.
Not even a question.
No it would NOT be terrible or awful!!! You have the right to protect your child!!! How bad would you feel if she harmed your child!?!?! Choose to feel bad now if you must, Or feel bad after your child is harmed!
This is a precious moment for you!!! Don’t have it marred by the presence of an addict!!!
No. She’s toxic and dangerous to herself and others. She needs major help.
No !!! I raised 4 kids and didn’t let my mother babysit them for the same reasons.
No! Don’t let her problems be your problems.
I only read the first 2 lines and I’m here to say, no it’s not wrong.
My dad was an alci and I never let him babysit because he would forget things or pass out and then what sould happen to my son while he’s like that. Give her an ultimatum. Stop drinking and see your grand baby or keep drinking and never get near him/her…
It is not wrong. BUT make sure the hospital staff is WELL aware of who YOU allow in the room. They will be the ‘bad guy’ and help keep her out.
Absolutely not. Boundaries are vital. The safety & well-being takes priority over anyone else’s feelings. ESP when she already doesn’t care.
Whoever wrote this please feel free to contact me. I literally just went through this and my final decision to deny both privileges was the best one I could have made.
Your mother has to.make a choice her love for alcohol or her family your mom needs help and only she can make that choice my.dear.u.have no choice but to say NO to her looking after your child especially if she is under.the influence. You r the child.mother.please take.responsibilty
When you go into labor, just don’t tell her until after the baby is born. Then she can only visit with you present at the hospital and later at home. She’s a danger to herself and those around her.
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You tell us? Should a raving alcoholic babysit a newborn?
No just say no to her . Your choice is best
No I wouldn’t let her babysit at all
And as for having her in the room with you that’s another no unless she is totally sober , personally I wouldn’t tell anyone when you went into labour until after you have had your baby!
I dont see nothing wrong with letting her be there for the birth but thats it !! No babysitying ever !! Sorry alcohol more important not taking care of a child no way !!!
Your child becomes the most important person in your. Life. Having boundaries, rules for your child’s sake doesn’t mean you don’t love your mom. Why would you want a toxic environment around your child? Honestly, you wouldn’t hire a babysitter like that. No one would. Don’t let her guilt you! You decide when she can visit. You make the rules. Saying no doesn’t make you a bad person. You certainly don’t need that stress in the delivery room. Or in your life.
Don’t do it. 
child in danger…
Absolutely not wrong
I just read the first line and automatically said heck NO! You shouldn’t let her be their for the birth if she’s going to be drunk. My mother used to be a heavy smoker. And when i had my first baby, he was in nicu for 2 months and a half and they wouldn’t let her see him unless she was smoke free (smell free). It broke her heart, i could tell. Plus i told her if she didn’t quit smoking then she’s not allowed to ever hold my baby. He had lung problems that’s why i told her that. But she did end up quitting. If your mom can’t stop drinking then there’s no need to let her babysit at all. If you’re going to let her see the baby, never leave her with the baby alone.
Tell the hospital and midwives no and they wont let her in.
The rest is all fair enough. But not worth stressing about at all yet.
To VIEW her grandchild’s birth? To VISIT with her? To spend some quality time with her? All of which can be supervised. Damn! You can set boundaries, of course. But this sounds like your way or the highway! From an ex alcoholic to you, think before you completely shut your mom out of your life. ijs
You had me at “severe alcoholic “ don’t let her until she gets help . Your baby don’t need be around that even if that is you mother
Not wrong at all but would you rather or brother leave her in charge? Just something to keep in mind
You had me at alcoholic. But seriously, no you are not a bad mom for wanting your baby to only be taken care of by responsible people. You’re a good daughter for feeling guilty about having to keep your daughter from your mother even though it’s not your fault she’s an alcoholic. You’re doing what you have to, don’t be hard on yourself about things you can’t control.
Your labor and delivery
Your baby
Your decision
Be a Momma Bear and protect your baby
No your not wrong… Everyone has to have boundries… Set them before the baby gets here.
If you are willing to risk the welfare of your child. Otherwise, keep her on a short leash and monitor all contact. No drunk is able to use good judgement.
Not wrong at all, baby safety first. If mom wants to be involved then she needs to clean up her act and stick to it, professional rehab.
Why is this even a question? I don’t care if she is your mother. The safety of your child is the most important. If your mother refuses to change then you have a right…no…a RESPONSIBILITY to your child to protect him/her from harm. You wouldn’t drop your child off at daycare knowing the staff was intoxicated. Just because it’s your mother, doesn’t change anything. Mom would NOT be left alone with my child…PERIOD!
i wouldnt she might go to the hospital drunk. and they wont let her in or escort her out… i wouldnt let her babysit either she is not responsible to watch a baby or a kid because of her issues … i wouldnt even try it…
Toxic is Toxic
Doesn’t matter if she’s blood or not. YOUR child is all that matters
no it’s not awful, you’re just protecting your child.
I wouldn’t allow her to babysit, but I would most likely allow her to be there for the birth. If she was drunk, I wouldn’t let her hold the baby.
Keep her away from your baby. Its NOT worth the risk. Seriously consider if something awful happened to your child…could you ever forgive her or yourself?
I didnt even finish reading past the alcoholic meal plan. No youre not wrong.
No. Ur child, ur life. Choose what is best for you and your baby.
You know the answer is no!!!
You’re absolutely not wrong. She needs to get her habit under control
I cant see any hospital being happy having a drunk person in the delivery room. Your mother or not. Its your delivery room and you choice who is in there.
I very very rarely drink (the last time was may I think and it was a small one) I certainly wouldnt drink while looking after children. Shes already proven she puts kids at risk while drinking and babysitting (the drink driving incident) so no. Stick to your guns, your doing what’s best for your children x
If you don’t want her at the hospital or alone with your child, those are valid concerns and you don’t have to feel bad for them or change your mind to save her feelings. If she’s important to you, and you were as important to her, she’d be taking steps to improve her life and be trusted around your children.
Your baby, your body, your rules!
If she is an alcoholic and not even trying to quit then no you are not wrong
Absolutely do not let her babysit if you can’t trust her 100% As for the hospital, that is entirely your decision. But keep in mind, labor is hard and exhausting. If you think she would make you more stressed, please don’t let her back there. You’re a momma. You have to think of your baby first above ALL things. Toxic is toxic. It doesn’t matter if it is a family member or not. Trust your gut. Good luck and congrats!
Oh hell!! Please don’t let her babysit
Helllll no it’s not bad… I didn’t have anyone in my birth suite just my partner… there is no way in hell you should be letting her baby sit. This is your child… you do whatever you want to do… not to mention how unsafe it would be to leave the baby in her possession. You have all the right in the world and shouldn’t feel bad one little bit she has to take responsibility for her actions
I didn’t allow my mom and she’s not an alcoholic!
Nope. She doesn’t need to be unsupervised with that baby.
All I had to see was alcoholic and vodka for breakfast. Do whatever you think is best
Not to be the biggest asshole on this issue ever, but “am I awful not letting her babysit” is going to turn into “how could I have been so awful and let her do that” when she drunk drives with your baby and crashes killing them both (or just the baby because drunks normally survive), or she gets sloppy drunk and drops your baby, or you name it. Fuck that. If she cared enough to want to be around your baby she would be willing to do it clean and sober.
Say NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! I have many reasons, so please trust your gut and cut her off!
Absolutely not! Stand for your child, alcoholics only think of them self’s . Maybe it will trigger a change in her. Only time will tell. Bless you!
If you don’t want her there then say that. It would put you at ease. Also tell the nurses. They will do whatever it takes to make you comfortable, even if that means telling people that you don’t want there to leave.
Do we have the same mother?
Seriously, don’t leave your child alone with her and I will tell you from experience, I really, really regret allowing my mother into the delivery room. She was trashed and it took away from the entire experience.
I have 4 kids. All 4 kids I only allowed my husband back there and don’t regret a thing . That was an amazing moment for us and i didn’t feel the need to have anyone else back there and I have a good relationship with my mom . But everyone is different . And who you want back there is YOUR choice .
As far as babysitting… that would be a strong no !
I work at an Addiction Treatment Center and have learned many things first-hand but also from working here. You can NOT make people change. They have to want it. I recommend looking up local AA meetings and just giving her a list. You can show you care but we can not enable. You have to do what’s best for your baby, mama. You get to decide who is there and who is not. Best wishes to you!
Your child doesn’t need to deal with that. No she should not babysit.
It seems like she doesn’t want to stop drinking so I wouldn’t let her watch the kids she might go to the hospital drunk
Absolutely not , do what is best for you and that baby , regardless of who she is or how active she’s been in your life , you don’t want that around your child, you have EVERY RIGHT to remove toxicity no matter who it comes from.
No, honey, not at all. YOU are now fully responsible for a tiny, cute, helpless human being whose life - or death - is in the hands of the adults that you allow around her. If your mother can’t stay sober for your sake, especially since you were once hers, there’s not much more to say. During the birth she will be in no shape to help you, the doctor doesn’t need your blood pressure up because she’s got you upset. Tell the nurses to just say no during the birth. Afterward I would never, ever leave my baby with her. If she ever gets sober and stays that say, you can reevaluate. Good luck!
I stopped at severe alcoholic. I wouldn’t have my mom around my kids if she was an alcoholic. Period
I honestly wouldn’t let my mom babysit if she was like this so don’t feel bad because what if she put your baby in a vehicle and drove while she was drunk I mean she could severely hurt someone else and your baby so don’t feel bad but the final decision is yours to make
You choose who is there and as I am a recovering alcoholic I can see where your coming from. If she wont give up the drink to be near her grandchildren, then it is her loss. No don’t let her anywhere near your happy moments with you child.