You lost me at unemployed !! Nope I don’t do those… Bye
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Girl you’re basically already a single mom… might as well make it official and save yourself the heartache
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Time to get this POS OF A HUMAN BEING out of the house. Get your self to court house serve him papers. Once that’s all said and done yes he’s not working right now but courts will garnish everything. Your single mom of 3 already. Take him for everything. He needs to grow some balls to. You deserve so much better. Not sure where you live but infidelity is not a thing with the courts they are not fan. Good luck momma
I meannnnn if you wanna date a bum that’s cool
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Where dose he go that he NEEDS to be gone ALL day? Being at a friend’s house or whatever that long everyday he must well go move in there. What you allow will only continue!! He does not want a family!!
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He’s cheating.Maybe not sexually,yet.But there is someone occupying his time and it isn’t a male friend
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If he wanted to be with you, he would.
Wait so who is working tf
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Kick his ass out he ain’t part of the family! He does what he wants and you deal with the responsibilities! Man sounds like a boy!
You said your kids are they not his? He should be at home more then out I would leave him
Nope move on. If he’s not working should not be gone that long. He’s got another girl friend. You and the kids don’t need that bs.
If he wants to act single let him be single. 
You’re literally being a single mom already & don’t ever beg for nobody’s attention, if they want to give it to you they will otherwise move on and find somebody who will.
If your kids are at school all day, why are neither of you working ?!
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Bye dude. Nope nope nope. You need a better man
If he doesn’t want to be there, give him what he wants…give him all the space he wants…in the form of divorce papers. No married, unemployed, father of 3 has any right to be gone for the majority of his day. And gaslighting you because he doesn’t want to be a grown ass man is narcissistic af. Run. Run far, far away. You deserve SO much better than this loser. If he wants to allow someone else to occupy his time, then make him a single man so he has all the time in the world. I was married to someone who did this to me and let me tell you, after nearly 20 years, it NEVER got better and now he does the same thing to his gf.
He sounds like a selfish POS and you sound like you are already doing it on your own . You don’t need him!!! He’s not adding any value to your life
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First off your job or his unemployment isn’t anyone’s business. Life is shitty right now with the pandemic its nobody’s business how bills are getting paid and how you guys are surviving!
Second no your not controlling at all but something is going on and its probably enough to break your relationship up. Your a strong woman you can do bad on your own! Leave him and when he gets home at 12 am let him get a letter… wonder if he’d even inquire? You deserve better!! Your worth more!! Believe in you!!
My ex did that and found out he was cheating.
Change the locks. Bet he would answer your calls and texts then. 
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If he cared would be home helping with family-he is helping someone else
Sounds like he’s doing more than you think
Pack his bags next time he leaves.
Where is he all day and all night? He is not participating in the marriage and family and you are already doing it on your own.
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On unemployment?? He should b home not out every day at “friends” houses…sounds like u need to find another bf n boot his ass out
He would have some respect for me and our kuds or he would be out the door permanently sorry NOT SORRY
Hes gaslighting you to make you feel like your the crazy controlling one by simply asking him to be home to be in a relationship. Partnership works both ways. If hes not happy at home and with his life every single day and takes off… you need to understand hes just not happy and hes pulling you down with him. If you love him enough to stay and go to counseling then he will do the same. If you can’t afford counseling then have an honest talk with him. Or write him a letter…tell him what you are wanting and if hes not willing to change than you need to leave and start a plan to move on.If hes not working and contributing to the house…if hes not there contributing to a father role…or partner to you … what is he contributing to your life?
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If it were me, when he eventually came home, there would be divorce papers on the counter, and my kids and I would be living at my parents house. 
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Dump him and find someone else who cares for you and the kids! I know easier said than done. I finally did it…and so much happier now than ever before.
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I’m surprised you didn’t mention you suspect him of cheating on you. It’s time to face reality if you haven’t already. What you described sounds like someone’s cheating on you, then again he may not be, but a man that doesn’t work that’s gone all day until after 9 pm? I would be “investigating” that! Not that that’s something I do for a living or ever had, I wish I did! I’m good at it! lol I would do it out of curiosity. Either way, that would be a done deal with me. I would move on. You shouldn’t have to beg and ask him to spend time with you. If he wanted to spend time with you, he would do it without you asking or begging him, and he should be answering the phone when you call him!
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Sound like you’re doing it all on your own already. Maybe it’s time to drop the dead weight. Sounds pretty harsh, but in the end you wouldn’t have to spend time worrying and wondering and being told untrue things. All the best to you.
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Nope.
You’re not crazy… yet.
Your wants and needs are not out if line at all.
Come to Jesus talk needed.
Now.
A very old saying…
“Shape up, or ship out”.
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COULDNT be me.
Sounds fishy to be 100% honest with you.
Grounds for divorce in my eyes.
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wow uh no, is he a man or a child? If he ain’t working he should be out looking for a job or home helping you with the kids and housework. To be gone all day and night not spending any time with u is disrespectful af. Mad at you for having to work around the kids schedules? seriously? im sorry but he sounds really immature. YOU deserve better and so do the children.
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Throw the whole man-boy away. He isn’t a partner to you, he isn’t helping you in any way. He is undermining your self confidence, and making life harder for you. Get a lawyer, file for divorce, get child support, the only way he’ll ever be “responsible” is if the state garnishes his unemployment.
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Doesn’t sound like he’s even present in your relationship…how does he show up for you? He’s not being considerate.Always live by the rule- if he wanted to- he would.
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It’s wrong of you not to kick him out the front door, he’s obviously using you for somewhere to live nothing else! Waister of a man , you can do hell of alot better than that …best of luck
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If it were me he would be workin and too tired to be runnin or I would be working and he would home with the kids. No time for non workers
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This guy doesn’t love you or the kids. You’re better off without him.
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It won’t get better, he’s not going to change. You should leave him, show your children your an independent woman and not show them that the relationship you have is not normal. Set the example for them because he definitely is not.
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He should have some form of responsibility to be home when the kids get off school. He doesn’t even work. And as a husband and father he shouldn’t be gone all day and barely showing up for you and the kids. He sounds like a piece of shit tbh. I would toss him. Lots more men that can do these basic things. You not asking for the moon. Your asking for the minimum. Forget fair. He doesn’t deserve you. Neither one of you sound happy but honestly your the only one who deserves to be happy. You could have a more present father figure for your kids with a different guy. He’s taking you for granted. You can do better. You’ll be surprised how much easier and less upset you’ll be without him. Even happy after you move on with a REAL man.
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Change the locks, he doesn’t need to come home if he isn’t willing to be a husband or father.
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You shouldn’t even be in a place where you have to ask. He should be home. He has priorities.
Tell him to step up or step out.
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It would be one thing if he was working. But hes not and he’s being super selfish also I agree with the other ladies, he’s acting very suspicious. Cut your losses and leave. Someone better will come along and your whole family will be better for it. This is unacceptable in a partnership.
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News flash you are a single mom … sounds like he come around for a place to sleep maybe 
he’s not a father ,not a husband and not a provider … so what does that make him a bumb ass dead beat who probably out cheating while he added who don’t even respect you
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It’s not that it’s wrong of you to ask, it’s wrong that it would even be necessary.
Where is he? Where is he sitting around all day? Why? Why is he unemployed, or what is he doing about it?
His responsibility and priority every day should be you and his children.
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Ohhhhh snap!!! How the hell would he even have the audacity to go out all day and not help with the housework and with the children. Sounds like a sore excuse for a man … you need to level up. I feel for you and don’t see it as one bit controlling.
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Your putting up with a lot more then I would…do yourself a favor & move on…for yourself & your children…Best of Luck
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So he’s not working??? He’s out all day??? There are bigger issues than him not being home. I’d be pissed off if that was me living that. My husband works and I appreciate the few hours we have at night. But I also cherish the days that he takes the kids to see his dad and I get to spend the day alone. The times I like the most are weekends when we are all gone together and enjoying our time. So, yes, you have every right to be angry,upset that your significant other isn’t there with you.
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Absolutely not! He should be home helping you. There is no reason for him to be gone all day every day.
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Sounds like he has already made his decision…use this time wisely. If you don’t have a job start applying, set up a separate bank account, call a divorce lawyer.
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He’s not home because home is where the responsibilities are
He’s not answering your calls because he’s with someone he shouldn’t be with
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Sounds like you have 4 kids, not 3.
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Seems like his priorities are messed up. I don’t think it’s wrong to want to spend time with him. Also he should be present for his kids. Maybe it’s time to have a serious conversation about where this is headed
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Pick your hard. Being a single parent is hard and being in a marriage is hard. It’s all hard. I wouldn’t give up. I would be firm with your expectations and needs. Stand your ground. Tell him
To choose. There is something else going on I feel like. Maybe try marriage counseling . Try to save your marriage. for the kids. I’ve heard and know couples who went though at lot and should have divorced but figured it out. your not crazy and your not controlling. At all. Your a good wife and he needs to be thanking the lord for a great wife like you
That has put up with his chinanigans. God bless. I hope
You guys figure it out. Stay strong. Hugs!
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It’s wrong that he’s put you in the position to ask… Nope… I wouldn’t bother asking… just change the locks…
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It’s wrong to want to spend time with him, because he does not value you. Leave this man. I’d rather be poor and rely on myself than have to lay down family responsibilities for some man-baby who plays with friends instead of working and loving.
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Have another man sitting there with you when bozo comes home. Tell him you hired someone to fill his position.
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I know it hurts & it won’t be easy but think long and hard about what you are accepting in your relationship in front of your children. They deserve to see a partnership and love/respect. A happy home is the best thing for them and to be frank my dear you don’t seem happy. I promise if he can’t step up, there’s a man out there that will.
(My current partner came into my life & stayed. He took on my crazy life & 2 kids (one being special needs) and he’s stayed. He’s cleaned up puke, did bus stops, drop offs/pickups at school when one gets sick, he’s sat in drs appts w us, he’s cooked for them and he works full time at 16 hrs a shift. To this day if I mention something needs done it’s done before I even notice it again. I promise mama there’s still good ones out there) wishing y’all the best 
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He’s using your home as a flop house…stop letting him. I know the confusion and heartache, but you have to evaluate whether you want to put up with this being how you live, or wanting better for you and your kids. He’s not willing to be a part of it, and trying to throw blame back on you. He can only do that if you let him. Been there, done that for way too long. Don’t waste a significant part of your life on a man who isn’t worth it. Love isn’t enough to get you through. Only you can make that decision, you have that strength inside of you, just have to pull it out and use it. Good luck to you.
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Won’t be with you does he want you um, going out at night it happens, but refusing to answer your phone calls and texts no offense but it sounds like he’s cheating and doesn’t want the other woman or you to find out so he can’t respond when he’s busy with someone, otherwise why wouldn’t he answer your phone calls or at least your text, going out once in awhile is one thing with no Cliff few cuz he’s not a child but not every day when you have kids and a wife no, the kids need him need to see him at home and being a parent and helping them.
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Get out. You don’t deserve to be treated this way. Go ask to stay with anyone who will let you till you get on your feet. Dont answer his phone calls or requests to talk to you or see you. Be done with him. Nothing you try will change how he is treating you. It IS possible to believe that there is a MUCH better partner for you out there.
I know all of this from personal experience.
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Mine did this for 6 months everyday, he was served divorce papers.
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Doesn’t sound like he’s worth a headache, darling. He knows well where the door is… I’d even say don’t let the door hit ya on the way out
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Pic a day like a Saturday make up something to do that day and tell him stay with the kids, make sure when he calls is like something keeping me back. Let him stay with those kids whole day till night let him see how it feels 
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I’m sorry to say this but EFF that! There is no way you are being unreasonable. Parenting is a two way street so if he isn’t willing and wanting to be there send him on his way.
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My advice is for you to pray n ask the Lord Jesus to guide you and once you really decided to let go and you have enough reasons , you still have to examine yourself and re think , you must learn to forgive and forget , it’s hard but there will come a time that * your heart and mind * will be the one to tell you that it’s over . You will start feeling the numbness and you can no longer feel the pain or hatred coz you stop caring already .
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You aren’t at all in the wrong. He is gaslighting you. That is abusive behavior. I know how hard it is to really see that until you are out of the situation and I know how hard it is to leave. It sounds like you’re basically a single parent and doing a great job at that, you CAN do this on your own mama. You already are. He is dead weight at this point, you don’t need another child. Leave him and find the man you deserve someday.
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There is a total lack of respect that he has for you and the family. I would definitely suspect that he is cheating. Definitely not something you should continue to tolerate
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I’m in your same shoes. But he is working most of the time (my husband) but the time that he is off he is off in his own world and is just grumpy are the house and with the kids and my self. I try to give him his space and I have given him the opportunity to change his attitude and he does, for a while them his back to the same. I think men have PMS as well. Good luck to you and your family
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You are definitely not crazy. Instead you are in a very unhealthy marriage. Where is he and what is he doing? He certainly does not want to be married or a father. As someone else suggested, you n
should get your finances in order and speak to a divorce attorney. It might seem incredibly difficult to consider divorce but you can not only meet someone who loves you and your kids and wants to be with you but you are also strong and can do this on your own. You have proven this to yourself already because you are already doing it. The kids will notice that he does not want to spend time with them too. It’s not a healthy environment for any of you.
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A man or woman that is into you and wants to be with you will NOT make you wonder how they feel about you.
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You obviously know this is not right… were does he be going all day wen we are in a lockdown he shouldn’t be mixing outside hes home… if anything he should be at home more now than ever before… everyone would deal with this different it’s up to you to decide if it’s worth trying to save your marriage… me personally he be long gone theres no way I would put up with someone thinking there home is a half way house come and go as you please without doing anything…
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Talk to him friendly … !! Discuss what’s wrong with him … don’t leave him before saying nothing… U should try to solve ur problems first… give him some More time as u r not alone u have kids … !! Atleast I can’t suggest u you to leave him before clearifing ur matters… Good luck …
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You need to get counseling to help you make some tough life decisions. Am I better off with him? Or without him? Then decide what is best for you. However it sounds like he is struggling too. These are tough times financially,emotionally, and spiritually… good luck!
Really? This is just attention seeking. You said in the first 8 sentences you say he doesn’t want to be here. So take control back.
All of a sudden he’ll want back. Again up to you. Toughen up or shut up.
It’s not wrong. He either doesn’t understand or simply doesn’t care that things aren’t fair. You need time away the same way he gets time away. You need to make a decision and decide if your gonna keep putting up with it. He isn’t very considerate , those are his kids to and he needs to step up or get out. Try being straight up and ask him if he even wants to be a family. You may not get a straight answer but it’s worth a shot
Serious question, why are so many men like this? I just cannot understand how or why there are so many like this, surely it cannot be the way they were raised? Because us women didn’t turn out like this, is it societal influences? I just hate how us women have always ended up with the short stick, as so many men act like they are gods gift, and behave like spoilt brats?! It drives me insane seeing this same pattern all the time EVERYWHERE! Regardless of race or status. It just breaks my heart for all the women having to deal with this shit all the time 
Sounds like it’s time for you to leave. No, you’re not wrong at all. He clearly doesn’t want to be there with his family. Everything you’re feeling your kids are feeling too and wondering why. I think you know what needs to be done, I hope reading these comments helps you see that it’s the right thing to do for you and your kids.
I think you have been given some pretty good advice. If I were in that situation, I would be done talking…his actions scream. Okay, now what. I would start figuring out what I was going to do. I wouldn’t tip my hand and let him know I was up to something. I wouldn’t exactly think he was honorable, or trustworthy. Line up your ducks. Figure out how you are going to make this happen going forward. Once everything is figured out, then I would address him, not before. As hurtful as this has to be, you have already been dumped. I don’t see a possibility of salvage from what you describe.
Sounds like he doesn’t want kids or to be married because a husband and father does not act like that he enjoys being with his family and loves spending time with them this man does not sounds like he is interested in being part of your family kick his ass out and tell him to kick rock and blow bubbles that’s a sorry ass man sorry so blunt idk what is wrong with men anymore they dont act like men more like little boys grow the fuck up ppl you putting up with this is just as bad give his ass an ultimatum either he wants his family all the time not when its convenient for him or he doesn’t actions speak louder than words if he dont let him go you’ll be better off for it I promise there is better out there girl
You have said it yourself, he doesn’t want to be at home with you or your children. Hes clearly not worth bothering with, pack his bags. His loss not yours
Sounds to me like he doesn’t want a family. Also, if a man doesn’t have a job, gone all day, doesn’t answer me when I reach out to him… it’s a good chance he’s already out the door with someone new… he’s just having his cake and eating it too.
Ask him if he thinks he’s living in a hotel… 
He can go chill all day and you’re at home with 3 kids? Not okay… but since you are doing this all by yourself already, throw him away… You dont need another child:kissing_heart:
… he has a so and children. His butt should be at home. I can understand maybe going out once and a while, just like you should be able to. But no. This is wrong. I wish my husband wouldnt answer my calls or texts. 
nah.
Sorry to be blunt but honestly he’s checked out of your marriage… if he wanted to be home he would be.
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Think she knows the answer already …
You practically raising your kids alone already as a single parent. …you don’t need a Xtra kid you need to give a curfew to ect …kick him out divorce him as simple as that his showing no intrest in you or the kids or being a family man or a head of the house …
You will be much better off without him 
strongs mommy
Sounds like you need to kick him out until he can man up and start taking care of his responsibility as a husband and father.
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Why do women put up with this it makes me want to scream your allowing him to act this way by not putting your foot down and telling him how you feel your letting him walk all over you just get rid of him I’d beat his ass while he was sleeping I swear it get you a frying pan and whopp his ass lol not joking
Tell his lazy ass he also made your children so while he’s not working he can also stay home and help you make your home a home for you children!!
You want your husband to be a husband not another child to take care of!
Know your worth
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People do to us what we allow them to do. Stop allowing him to shaft his husbandly duties.
It sounds like there are plenty of reasons to make choices in your life that no longer include him. Stop pursuing him. Hes offering you none of his time or companionship or help. Stop calling and texting him. Don’t ask him for any help. Start living your day as if its just you and the kids and you can do whatever you want. There is nothing holding you back sweetie. If he doesn’t want to spend his time with his family, then that’s his loss. If he isn’t going to act like the husband and father of the house, don’t give him the perks either.
Clearly wants the single life!! No attachments etc… get rid of his ass, you and the kids should be the priority here. You don’t need a boy like that dragging you down .
You said the words yourself. He doesn’t want to be there. Time to get rid of him, and find someone that does.
Sounds like he needs his ass rearranged. If he’s not working he needs to do more at home and help you out. No excuses. You have every right to tell him that he needs to bring his ass back home at a certain time.
It’s not wrong, but honey you are wasting your time with someone who has no respect for you.
There is nothing wrong with going out on occasion and having a good time and even staying out late, but he should be respectful to you as a partner. And sounds like he isn’t respectful to you or the kids.
Also, I want to note I said on occasion. Not this galavanting around who knows where and refusing to answer.your calls or be home at a decent hour and so on is bs. And if he isn’t even working, then he needs to be saving money and looking for a job, not wasting gas and running around
It’s not controlling or asking for too much,if he’s not home it’s because he doesn’t want to be , I hate to say it but if you can move out keep in touch with him ,don’t let everything you do be about him, it’s hard because families need to stay together ,but if he’s not there then he’s not there for you and your children , you’re just being put on the back burner , he can’t miss what he hasn’t lost , it will be better for you ,your children, and him in the long run, .May God bless you and your children.
Sounds like he is not the guy for you. And if he is not working or out looking for work he can be home helping you with the kids
But always examine yourself first , easy to give an advice but it’s hard to do . It really takes a lot of courage , lots of tears , reasons before a person could let go .
Your not controlling anything. Your the one being controlled. I spent my life like that. You need a safety plan. Get all your important papers in order, birth certificates, car titles, insurance papers. Get a good lock box to keep them in, stash in a safe place , your parents? Friends? Safety deposit box? Being angry for no reason is scary. He is making excuses to not be with his family. He always knows where you are and what your all about. I think if you try to distance yourself he will try to control your actions. Remember, when you try to leave a bad situation the controller becomes more violent.
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Wonder how long he would tolerate it if the shoe were on the other foot. My guess is you’d be gone by now.
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