If a father never goes to a school function or extra activities because his girlfriend isn’t able to go. Is that fair to the kids? He’s missed every holiday being at work and the first year he is able to be there, he has this new girlfriend. I only stated for right now I want it to be just you that comes. Is that wrong of me? For wanting mine and his children to have mom and dad present for school activities? If this relationship goes bad with them two I don’t want them so attracted to a woman they will never see again. They have had enough heart ache of loosing loved ones and mommy and daddy splitting up. I keep him involved wth Every thing. But he refuses to go to anything. Even their graduation unless his girlfriend can come too. I’m not wanting women coming and going in my kids life and I’m not sorry for that.
Yes, it’s wrong for you to think that you should have that amount of control over your ex’s life. You need to let him do whatever that he does and you need to start your own life and quit obsessing over his. You are 100% in the wrong. It’s none of your business what he does anymore. It is your job to show up for your children and grow up, because you seem a little immature. Your children will know who was there for them and they will also see how Petty You Are as they grow up.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is it wrong that my childs father doesn't come to events unless his girlfriend can?
It’s not up to you if his girlfriend comes. That’s pretty petty as you honestly. You can try and tell him this and that about not wanting his gf to come but I dare you to try that bs in a courtroom with a judge and see how far you’ll get. It’s petty af. Seems like you still got feelings for your ex honestly
This issue crops up in a lot of divorces. You have to learn to deal with it. Will he have the same issue as you, if you meet a BF? Quit trying to rule his life and accept it.
Personally I think he should be allowed to bring who he wants to. Unless it’s a new woman every week I don’t see the problem.
Just let him bring her the kids do not care they just want their dad there… You are the only one that feels that way
You know what everyone will answer. 
are you looking for validation? Let him be selfish and move on. Your kids will know when they grow up who was always there for them. Don’t waste energy on why or why not he is there. You need that energy for your kids.
Sounds like YOU are the one who has the problem, he wants to come, but you are saying no. If he has a different gf down the line, let him explain that to the kids. He could take you to court and force the issue. You are trying to control your children and him. Loosen up, you will be happier.
I could understand if they just started dating and he’s trying to involve this woman in their lives but if they have been together for a little bit and it’s someone who plans on sticking around that I don’t see an issue
Absolutely not. As someone that is a mom herself and in a relationship with a man that has children, whether I can go or not he is still going. Period. It is not something that is up for debate because it is far more important that he is there than him not going because I can’t be there. If he missed important dates in the kids’ lives simply because I couldn’t go, that would not go over well between the two of us. It’s just not okay.
However, his ex-wife has also never not included me in things involving their children and I have never excluded him from events with my son. She even made a point to include pictures of me and my son on family boards that their children did at school. We ALL co-parent those babies: my boyfriend, his ex-wife, her boyfriend, and I- her boyfriend and I obviously get to voice our concerns and thoughts as the bonus parents, but the choices ultimately are made by my boyfriend and his ex-wife. I understand your concern momma, but you cannot exclude the girlfriend simply because you don’t want her there. You are going to have to work on getting through those feelings and move on.
Sadly who he brings along with him isn’t your business !! If he is willing to show up with this gf of his who are you to stop him ?? As hard as it will be you need to let him be him and bring who ever he wants , I get what your saying and where you are coming from but he’s willing to attend these things it’s you that’s stopping him
You want to be able to protect your children from every possible hurt and heartache; that’s natural and understandable. But this is one area you can’t control. As their father, your ex gets to decide what his relationship with them looks like – including who he introduces them to.
Everyone is attacking this woman for calling her a bitter baby mama…
I think the dad is in the wrong… he should show up regardless if the baby mama doesn’t want the gf or if the gf gets upset she is left out.
Children.are.the.focus 
The people who are at the center of their lives are the children & they deserve parents who show up for them. And never feel as tho gf/bf are being chosen over them.
If they do have a serious relationship… I would highly encourage talking to the gf to get an understanding of what yall think is best for the kiddos.
Then you will need to accept that she is in everyone’s life.
If it is a function that you are not holding personally, then you don’t get a say. Public places are public places. If you don’t want her a birthday’s or Holidays then he needs to have his own with his kids and the company he chooses to keep.
You need to grow up. It’s not your place to say who he can and can’t bring around for the kids events. Any judge will tell you this. You’re putting your feelings first and not even worried about the kids
We went to a sports event and saw 4 adults cheering on a child and their team on enthusiastically, and wondered who they were… It was a beautiful blended set of parents… Mom and dad divorced and both had new partners. For the sake of the kids, they co-parent. If a child can have 4 adults who care, isn’t that a bonus? Shouldn’t parents keep it about the kids?
You are definitely in the wrong and you sound bitter. That man is allowed to date another woman and still see his children. I also think it’s dumb for him to allow you to control his life with his girlfriend. You have zero say so when it comes to who comes to a school event 
Aren’t they gunna meet the gf anyway on their visits w the dad? I think you shouldn’t have a way of the gf comes or not, atleast the dad would be there, but the fact that he doesn’t go bc his gf can’t is a whole nother can of worms. It’s not about you, him, or his gf. It’s about the kids.
My kids dad and I split up like 6 months ago and he just recently got a new girlfriend and they both get invited to things that involve the kids. You can’t control who he has around BOTH of your children. It’s a little selfish and controlling. You should be working together, not against each other.
He isn’t going to let you control him and he is making that clear now instead of later…
Good luck with trying to shelter your children like that. I completely understand where you’re coming from, but seriously good luck with that controlling mentality
You really can’t control who he invites into their lives and as their father, he has a right to introduce them to whoever he pleases. How about you stop trying to control the situation and just say, of course your friend can come, just ask that she is introduced as his friend rather than more until it’s a bit more serious.
Ummmm NOPE, HE is the DADDY ,HE has All the Equal Rights Momma Has, and ALSO the Same Responsibility and OBLIGATIONS. That’s CHOOSING to be Absent. What a Slap to the Face of Truly Alienated Father’s!
I’m so tired of bitter baby mommas you don’t want her involved but your mad he won’t come with out her?
Bc it’s awkward and from a gf who has been in the picture for 4 years I get involved with all events bc my bf invited me to everyone, regardless how the mom feels.
The more people who can love the kid the better
The more you keep excluding her the more your hurting your kid
Grow up.
This is why we shouldn’t always have babies with people we arnt staying with.
My god.
This sounds like a woman who still have feelings for the kids father
You sound controlling
At the end it’s his decision as long as the father is able to be in the kids life’s that’s the most important thing leave ur jealousy far away just move on
As long as he comes. That his personal life you can’t control who is in his life or who he dates unless you wanting to get back with him. It is loss if he don’t come to the events, it’s good if he attends but life goes on with or without him coming to the events. Just letting your child or children know that you are there still let’s them know somebody loves them and support them. Hopefully he wants to be in the child’s or children life whether the girlfriends can come or not.
Tell me you’re a bitter baby mama without telling me you’re a bitter baby mama!
As the divorced mother of six, you’re being very selfish. As long as he’s there, and as long as he wants to be involved in their life - LET HIM. it’s not about YOUR comfortability.
Think about why he won’t come without her. Because she’s probably doing the exact same thing that you are doing. Telling him he can’t go if she can’t go with him. Just let her attend. Then at that point you can tell him that in future he needs to have been dating a girl for at least 6 months before she starts becoming involved in your children’s lives. But remember the same rule applies to you.
You do not have a say in how many partners your kids will see from their dad, and they’ll see her at home anyways when they’re with him, so tbh you seem to be doing this out of something deeper than your morals, and if it is only for your morals, Acceot that when a man gets invited somewhere, his partnee is expected to be there as well.
Is the same going to be said for when you get a new partner? That he stays away for all events? Come on girl, don’t be that ex
Speaking as someone who had this situation with my ex where he didn’t want my boyfriend around, don’t interfere with your ex’s love life.
Maybe take it as an opportunity to see that she has interest in your kids. Get to know her. Start a parenting relationship with her. She might not be going anywhere and the extra hand can always be a good thing.
He absolutely should be showing up for his kids.
But it’s also not your place to control his relationship. I understand where you’re coming from though wanting your kids to feel stability…but that’s something he will have to deal with if this woman leaves and his children start asking questions.
So think of it this way, you are literally denying your kids father to anything because he wants to bring his girlfriend. You can not dictate his life and who he brings with him. The only time this would even be acceptable is if the school only allows 2 people because of pandemic regulations but again that would be school rules. You have to choose your children and by that I mean choose giving them everything including their fathers girlfriend if that means they get their dad. It seems like your blaming him for choosing peace and not giving in to your dictatorship which is hurting your kids.
Sounds like ur protecting urself more than what the children need by having their father there. If he had a different gf every 2wks then yes that would be a problem but it’s about the child
Of course it’s not a good thing . But there’s nothing you can really do to change his mind. If he’s putting other people first then that’s on him. The kids will figure it out on their own. Kids are resilient and as long as you aren’t bad mouthing their father and your doing what they need from their mom. You are doing the right thing. You also can’t tell him what he can and can’t do or who he sees. If he chooses the girlfriend thats his choice. You can’t interfere or decide how attached the get to other people either. You need to let them build relationships on their own too. Of course if things go bad it will be awful. You will help them. You can’t control everything. Just be the best you can for them and don’t worry about him so much.
How long has he been with this girl? I can understand if it is a very fresh relationship but if they have been together for a while that is pretty petty of you
To be honest, I didn’t read the whole thing but you just need to do you and let dad do him…. You’re only going to interfere your relationship with your daughter. After all, he’s your ex- you don’t get to control him and his daughters relationship.
So if you end up in a relationship does he get included? Think you’re being unrealistic
It’s his gf I feel you just being a jek towards her u no what’s not fear is the way ur treating her…trust me yo kids will be just fine either way it’s part of life…
The bottom line… the kids will see that their dad showed up in the crowd. They won’t notice her. Let your kids have that moment for their heart 
As a lawyer and a Judge both told me " unless you can prove that person is abusing, neglecting, or abandoning your child, you have NO SAY in who your ex has in the kids life!"
I have been the ex’s girlfriend and I have been the mom with a controlling ex . Honey, I get you are jealous, own it and get over it because you really cannot tell him she can’t be there, plus you will be much happier.
If he needs his gf to be around all the time or he can’t go then let the kids see how much they mean to him. Don’t stoop to his level. I’m sorry but if your spouse is more important then your children then you shouldn’t be a parent.
Dose the father have time with the kids? If so the kids would know this person already. So you would be the only one with the problem. What’s wrong with more people supporting the children!
Meet the girlfriend first and explain why you were worried. Then invite both of them, the more people cheering for them the better. Be friends with the girlfriend, make it a happy blended family.
I think most of you got this all wrong. She’s saying the father won’t go to their children’s events without the girlfriend, not she isn’t allowing the girlfriend to go… besides why does the girlfriend have to go? He needs to think about his children first… when and if the dad and gf have a future together, then that might have been different.
While it is heart breaking to be the child who gets close to gf/bf/step parents who eventually leave…
Have an open candid conversation about your fears of creating abandonment wounds with in the children if there are multiple partners coming in/out of their lives.
Either the father will understand the fear & create a solution to lower the risk of potential wounds by setting timelines/boundaries with partners with the children.
Or he will accept the risk while doing as he pleases.
Long as you are openly communicating with their dad what you want for the kids. Then everything else will work out. Unless you have clear proof she is unfit to be around the kids… you can’t force her to stay away…as much as we do not like the new woman sometimes…
When those negative feelings come up just focus on how happy the kiddos are to see their dad.
— other perspective…
What if the gf is creating drama that she insists she has to go. So the dad just plays opossum to keep the peace
That’s just ridiculous he wouldn’t come without a girlfriend. Sounds like he’s just showing off to her honestly. My ex does that. Only if there’s someone to show boat too 
Without fully knowing the conditions of the Divorce, who has Custody, kind/type of custody, Visitation rights, and etc. this is tough.
My oldest Son’s male parent had a girlfriend, later on became his wife.
I let them take him for a visit once. GF told me, they were going to take him from me. Never happened. Eventually, they stopped coming around.
Later on Karma bit the two of them in the tail. They got in trouble for Child abuse. They were locking his half sister up in her room.
Here in New York the courts can tell you NO boyfriends or girlfriends allowed around the kids until marriage! I’ve seen it done many of times. Luckily my sons father and girlfriend bounced. He to would not show up without a bunch of freaking people who didn’t need to be around without permission, to my home, 5 visits is all they’ve had and my boy just turned 15
You say you’re “not wanting women coming and going” in the kids’ lives but you really have no control over the way your ex’s relationships pan out from this point on. He could get serious with this woman and a few years down the line split with her. There’s no way to shield your kids from something like that without completely cutting them off from their dad. Sometimes you have to let go of the things you can’t control and accept what is. Imagine they find out you were telling him not to come… not cool. I think you need to let go of your desire to control this and let the chips fall where they may
That’s what happens when you split up. You no longer have a say in what they do and if it’s unsafe go to court. It sounds like you are still hoping to give a “whole” family feel when in reality your fine the way it is also. He has every right to decide what’s the right time for himself. I am divorced and remarried and it was hard enough without the kids dad trying to make it harder. Dad could marry the girl tomorrow and then she would be allowed to do a lot more. As my sons step mom I have the right to doctors visits and school communication. Anything he says I can do and the judge was very clear to my bonus sons family that he has the legal right to decide what’s best for his own child including who his partner is
As long as there is not extreme safety concerns… he is the dad and you shouldn’t have any say to be honest… so many times parents have this attitude and cause drama for no reason at all… “let him” you know as.far as.courts go he is perfectly capable of choosing to have his partner involved with his own children … dam!
My partner has a son from a previous relationship and I never used to come to school events unless my partner still went he would never miss out in his sons school thing just cause I was.working or somthing it didn’t bother me
People come and go in and out of their life every day. Surely if she doesn’t stay around long they won’t get attached if they do get attached after some time and she leaves that’s also life. People come and go and teaching your children to handle that is not exactly a bad thing. It’s not your decision who dad brings into their life.
Its not your desicion to make his actions will reflect on the children but all you can do is explain it to them in the most productive way
Or simply say hes working.
You’re in the wrong here. You don’t get to decide who goes where with who. Kids don’t care. They just want to see their people. You’re the one preventing that and that’s unfair to your kids. You’re being petty. Dad gets to bring who he wants just like you do. Stop this controlling behavior now before it backfires on you later.
You sound bitter 
why can’t his gf come to things with him he’s trying to include her in his family yes he should do stuff with the kids without her but do they live together how long have they been dating ? He will have to explain if they break up it’s none of your business I get protecting them but your not doing that you know why you don’t want her there .
I feel sorry for his girlfriend in the long run with the relationship with the father… They are not even married yet and the mother is already trying to be controling and trying to set HER RULES without considering the father wants to be there… Don’t be bitter and don’t be that woman…
I’m probably usually more gracious than this…but I’ve had a couple of glasses of wine at this point and you are sounding extremely whiney and selfish. The more love the better for our children. This sounds more like your problems than theirs. Let it go.
They’re going to form an attachment no matter what because she’ll be there when they go to his. That’s part of growing up in a split family. He’s allowed to bring who he likes - you don’t get to dictate to him anymore
You can’t control the situation. The sooner
You let go of that the better for everyone especially your son. Let dad be free to attend whether it’s wifh his gf or not. At the end of the day it’s really not your decision.
I’d say the same thing 
But that would also be a rule I followed for myself as well.
Children are priority. You both might have moved on, but the children need you both all at the same time. And if one can’t make it, then so be it. Just get along for the kids sake. Always.
Uh… he’s not your partner anymore he has a life too? If he has moved on has a new girl that WANTS to be part of your children’s life then who are you to stand in the way he is half of those children. You wouldn’t have them without him and that seems to be something alot of mothers forget. It is 100% not your place to even say anything unless she is mean or abusing your children keep your nose out of his life and stop trying to control him?
It’s his choice if he wants to include her in their lives, just as it would be your choice to include your new partner. He should be attending events if he is able to but I think his partner should be welcome to attend with him.
Maybe his gf means more to him than you’re willing to admit to yourself and he wants to involve her. To include her in his life with his kids.
I think you have the right to be upset. Don’t listen to anyone say otherwise. You can’t just be in your kids life part time and expect the full time mom to be chill with you brining her around your kids. Unless it’s a serious relationship and they’ve been together for years I wouldn’t tolerate it. You absolutely do have a say so in who’s around YOUR child. You don’t sound bitter you sound like a mother trying to protect her children.
Did you say graduation? Bro. Let that man live. If it’s not a new girl every week, let it go. You don’t get to decide who he has around, just like he doesn’t get to with you.
Invite this woman for a cuppa, make an effort with her. You never know. She may be lovely. Co parenting is awesome for kids.
You have to understand that your relationship with your ex doesn’t mean you have rights to stop him from seeing his children, he has moved on and starting a new life style with this person and he wants his children to know he is still their dad and the chance to seeing them at school functions is one of them. It’s hard seeing your ex with someone else but you both broke up and there shouldn’t be an atmosphere between you for the sake of the children… they will come time make up their own minds with their father. If you are both civil to each other in front of the children and his new partner they will act the same. But if you act angry towards him it will affect the children for the rest of their young lives…
Keywords there was “I want” It’s not really your business or place to say. If you have the children’s best interests at heart it won’t bother you.
To be honest if he wanted to he could go directly to the school and get his own access to kids report cards, school events and communication etc and then go to school events on his own accord with no say from you at all.
It’s not up to you you can’t control that so stop trying to. Let him live his life and make his own decisions
How long have they been together tho? Obviously they see her at his house anyway. YOU’RE the one stopping him from coming. I’d tell you to F off it’s a public space. Unless it’s a new girl every other week then who cares? And I guarantee 
it’s not the same rule for you
I feel it’s about the children dad should go with or without her she’s not helping with the kids or is she…
Why are you worried about if he’s in the wrong? Worry about yourself and what you’re doing!! Stop being petty and playing the victim at the same time just allow the girlfriend to go and stop being controlling and selfish sounds like you’re both the problem and need to learn how to put your kid first and stop being selfish
Even if you tell him you don’t want her at public events, it’s not going to stop him from bringing her around them during his time.
I see your side, but that isn’t for you to decide. You’re no longer together, what he decided for his household is his decision.
Step back, take a deep breath, and ask yourself in 10 years from now is it really going to matter if the baby daddy brought a girlfriend to a party. No, it won’t matter. What matters is it the father wanted to be there for the child. Your petty jealousy on the other hand is something that should be looked at
Sorry but it’s not up to you if he wants to bring his partner, if you want him there don’t make waves.
It would look so much better to your kids to see you getting along with your ex and his gf. Put your feelings aside and let them both attend. It will also give you a chance to get to know the gf. NEVER try to control who your kids see unless you honestly think they are a danger to them. Trust me, l am a step mum and the damage my husband’s ex wife has done to her children mentally is wicked, all because she lost ‘control’ of her ex husband. It will be a valuable lesson for your children to see adults can be amicable after a break up.
As the new girlfriend I wanted to make sure our relationship was solid before I was introduced to his daughter and honestly I think that’s the way it should be. If it’s a new girlfriend I can understand your point but at the same time it’s not your place to lay judgement. If they have been together for a while or things are getting serious with them then it’s his judgment call, he knows his relationships. Relationships are not always bound to fail and so long as he’s involved with his children there should be no judgement from you on how he chooses to do that.
Before you hate the girlfriend, she could be the only reason he is coming to events at all, as you stated he never went to anything until she came along.
If you’re not together then why would you tell the other person what they should or shouldn’t do. It’s none of your business. Your business is your child. You can invite the other person and if they show up with someone then they show up.
No. He’s trying to be respectful of her. The more you make a big deal about it the harder you’re making it on everyone else. Who cares if he brings her with? He’s still there supporting yalls kid
So your saying he can’t move on? I think ur being difficult.
It isn’t because gf cant be there, it’s because you’re telling him to go alone. If they’ve been dating over 6 months and she has met the kids just let it go.
Just don’t bring activities up if he don’t asked about any of them he a grown man he know there are functioning at school.
It’s really not your say (choice )
Why do you think you get to choose who the father wants in his life? Your focus is way off base.
Coparent or no parent seems fair to me.
Unless this is a private function at your home, you don’t get a say. That’s it.
Boy, if the tables were turned. Get over him.
What a numpty, it’s ok mama your babies have you to learn from, forget him.
Why not ask the daughter how she feels about it.
Tell him exactly what you wrote
Let him be, you can’t control what’s going on in his life.
Nothing wrong with his girlfriend going also it’s healthy support environment.
Your kids are going to meet and even sometimes get attached to people that aren’t going to be permanent fixtures in their lives until the day they pass away. Grandparents, teachers, doctors, friends. If you actually met and gave the new gf a chance, and push your jealousy away, you might like her.