Is it wrong to leave my boyfriend because he doesn't have a job?

I have a question is a bad of me if I leave my current boyfriend because he can’t seem to keep a job? We’ve been together for 6 years and hasn’t kept a job longer then 4 months? He treats me so good tho, he makes sure dinners always done and always cleaning around the house and he does make me feel super loved and always make me feel beautiful but it’s just the job situation I am having. All his money mostly comes from asking his mom when I ask if he can help me with bills. It feel super selfish to think of that’s the reason why I would or need to leave him. What are your guys thoughts?


My ex husband was the same way it was hard I was with him for 12 years but he could never keep a job and I myself work 2 jobs to survive

I’ve done more and got further in life in the 3 years without a sponge than I did within a decade with one!

Get rid of him because he is living off of you. Find you a good Godly man because Time is Precious
My Godly woman Died 11 years ago and I miss her everyday
We put God first and we was 2nd
Everyone said we was a great couple but we have a great God with Love

Absolutely not wrong!!! Boy bye! I can do all this by myself!

I’ve always been able to support myself. If he’s loyal keep him because these days thats rare! I’m sure he will get it together! Just talk to him. Don’t find yourself by yourself because of that.


Nope! Stability is important! Especially if you want to build a life and family!

This sounds like you may have a difference in values and life goals and that is most definitely a valid reason for parting ways.

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Having a job and keeping it is more than just about money. It shows that he wants to better your life together, it shows commitment and contributions for the future 401k, retirement etc…
It shows that he invests in himself as well and his children’s future. If something happens to your job or health. He’s there to financially support.


If you are living together . Get married. Commitment makes a difference. If he is ill stay. Kick him out he is free loading. He should be paying at least half the bills.

I’d talk to him and let him know how you feel… Does he have any disabilities?
What if it turned and he was working and your home. Would u still feel the same?

But do sit n have a conversation with him. Let him know exactly how u feel. Than give him a chance to make a decision

My fiancé is the worker of the household. I babysit in the am, and work a part time job tho. I just went back to work three months ago.
But, I also have several health issues and he is completely okay with what we are doing.
This is what works for us, and to each their own. He has also made it clear if I need a break bc of my health, I can do so.
Why? Bc if you’re not engaged in the mindset for better or worse, in sickness and in health then how will you marry that person?

Again, not enough information, u don’t mention that you love him or how you treat him!!! If your thinking of spliting have you been treating him not good? Ask yourself some questions. If you believe your partner is weak or not a man for not providing, ask yourself what do you need to do about it? These are just a few questions for yourself to answer for yourself. No one is living your life, also no one can tell you what to do as your the only one who knows why this is happening…

I really love to work! I had a child at 18 so one of us stayed home and one worked. If my husband couldn’t keep a job then I could. Fast forward 13 years and we now have a 1 year old. My husband started his own company and I help out with that but I also work part time to help make ends meet. If my husband could just stay at home with the kids I would work all the time. It comes down to having a job to support the household as well. I would communicate first. There are things you can do to help him find a job he wants to keep vs trying to help a man be a respectful partner. Good men don’t come easy in this world.


It really depends on what you want out of your life/relationship. My husband has health issues that make a regular 9-5 job difficult for him. He told me early on that he would love to be a stay at home parent; I personally prefer to work outside the home, so it wasn’t a deal breaker for me.
We’ve been together 8 years and now have a toddler. He stays home and takes care of her and his elderly aunt. If he decided he didn’t want to be home anymore, we’d be paying through the nose for childcare. It works well for us.


Question Are you in love with him ? There is a different loving someone and in love with him. Can you pay the bills on your own? He treats you good that’s a plus .Sit down tell him how you feel. Be honest. To me he’s a keeper. The way you said he treated you.


do you want a man or do you want a housewife lol

It’s sad but if it is bothering you now then that is not going to go away. Either except what is without complaint or move on.

Communication is lacking here. He knows you need help with bills that should give hom an incentive to be employed. Sit him down & tell him how you feel and go from there.

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Life is so short word of advice imagine if you all had kids together what that would be like :crossed_fingers: good luck! Ask your self if you enjoy taking care of a grown man & Does he deserve you?


Run. Now. Before you have kids. Before you get married. I stayed married to a freeloader for 14 years. Nothing ever changed. I struggled to support him and our daughter the entire time. The warm feelings and coziness you’re feeling now will soon turn to resentment. The fact that you’re even questioning the situation yourself is telling you what you need to do.

If you’re OK being the bread winner then keep him. If it’s important to you to get financial equality with your significant other than breakup. Both are legitimate reasons to go or stay.


That is a red flag :triangular_flag_on_post: He needs to figure his life out… You need a partner who is financially stable and can help provide. Asking his mom is not okay and will be short lived. You don’t want to have kids, look back and ask yourself what was I thinking. It will all be on you.


No, you should definitely leave him if he can’t figure out how to hold a job. I would have a serious talk with him first about. BE DIRECT. Tell him straight up that you aren’t comfortable with supporting him any longer and if he can’t figure it out then it’s not gonna work. Tell him that you love them and you don’t want to see that happen. Tell him you want to help him find a solution. Talk to him about what types of jobs may be a good fit. Some people do better working for themselves… does he have a skill he could turn into a business? Like being a handyman or something?


Sounds like he wants to be a house husband if that’s not what you want then break up with him now lol


No it is not selfish or wrong of you. My SO works full time and still cooks dinner cleans and now he also is a big help in taking care of our little girl. My man spoils his daughter and I yet can keep a job bc to him not only is it important to help out around the house but to also be a provider for his family. I get that he treats you well but there are plenty of men out there that will be able to treat you well and spoil you all while keeping a steady job.


Talk to him seriously about it. Don’t beat around the bush. Give him an ultimatum to either get a job, keep it and help out or you’re moving on. Let him decide :woman_shrugging:t3:


Tell him grow up be a man

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Communication is key. Sounds like he does a lot that not every guy will do. Cooking and cleaning and maybe Laundry has to make your life easier especially after working all day. So he’s trying. Maybe he needs help finding a job doing what he likes and that pays well. Talk about it. Just remember that when he goes back to work, you may have to pitch in and do some cooking and cleaning that he always did before.


You spend the rest of your life making excuses for him and supporting him! Then what happens one day if you have kids and want to stay home and raise them, you won’t be able to depend on him. Trust me resentment will grow for who he can’t be. Then after a few years they resent you for being the bread winner and in control when they wanted you there and put you in that role. Sound like I’ve been there, I have. Run now.


I wouldn’t if he treats you so well in other ways. It’s hard to find a decent man. Does he ADHD or n the spectrum or something, anything that could be effecting him keeping a job down. Maybe have a chat with him and explain look find a job you want to do and try and stick to it, offer him supporting he is struggling. Explain how you both need to contribute to bills etc and how you could both save and do thing, go on holiday and all. Set some targets or do a bucket list.

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If you can accept the situation for your future and not lose respect for him, stay… if not, cut your losses and aim higher. You don’t have to accept one or the other. You can have both a man who treasures you and one who isn’t stressing you out while making ends meet.


Sounds like he really loves you. If you don’t love him back then leave. It’s not fair for him treating you so good when you’re wanting to leave. A relationship takes two to work and two to not work. Sounds like you don’t want it to work so all his care for you is in vain.


Sounds like you have a girlfriend.

It’s absolutely a reason to leave him if he refuses to grow up and keep a job .It is suppose to be a team effort when you are a couple .


If the initial agreement was not that he would be a stay-at-home guy, then you need a conversation. It’s not so much you supporting him as his inability to support himself. Don’t do an ultimatum unless you intend to follow through. You’ll resent him more the longer it goes on. If it does last forever, his social security will be based on his highest paid 35 years of employment so don’t count on much retirement. It’s great he treats you well, everyone needs to be loved and respected. That should not change if he gets a job. If it does, then he’s nice because you’re his meal ticket.

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what if this was a man posting about his partner? women can stay at home and be the house wife dinner maker, cleaner etc etc and a man goes to work and that’s fine? so what if the roles are reversed? id much rather have a supporting emotional partner who looks after my soul and our home than a working partner who don’t give a crap.

Maybe he wants to be a SAHH (Stay at home husband). It sounds like he’s pulling his weight with the responsibilities, just not financially. Have a calm conversation with him. Maybe the two of you can come up with a solution together.


I think what’s important is WHY he can’t keep a job. Is he unreliable? Are they just short-term?

Every man worth salt has a job to support his significant other. Leave him and look for better.


Not everyone feels the same but, you have to have a J O B if you want to be with me!

I’m so surprised by this comments section :neutral_face::neutral_face::neutral_face: Now if this were turned and a man wanted to leave a woman for the very same thing, ya’ll would be singing a different tune though.

Where’s his credit for cooking, cleaning and doing the unpaid labor??? And I’ve seen ya’ll do it for women in this very group before when it’s the woman in question🙄

I’ve switched career paths so many times I can’t count anymore! Being neurodivergent, working when you don’t care about what you’re doing is incredibly challenging! Folks get disability because of this all the time.

If you love him, help him find his path, support him and find ways to assist him in figuring out which way to go.

At this point though, he deserves better than you🤷‍♀️ You’ve got a great partner that you’re ready to give up on over materialistic reasons and he deserves to be loved the way he’s loving.


He needs to be working. You should tell him to get a job and keep it unless he wants to lose you. As a man, I can’t imagine staying at home while my lady worked.


Not at all. I will struggle with a person if they are trying but I won’t struggle because of a person. Guy needs to grow up and be responsible. Parents won’t bec round forever to get hand outs from.

What’s his reason for not keeping a job? Maybe he needs to decide what he wants to do and maybe go to school.

Seems like he is a free loader wake up long as you work and take care of him he won’t work

It depends, do you want a little boy to take care of or a grown man who pulls his weight. His momma won’t be there forever to pay his way.

I was married to one yhat didn’t work. He was abusive. I wouldn’t tell you what to do but think really hard on it because there’s alot of trash out there.

What’s the reason he can’t hold down a job for very long? Does he have adhd or something like that? Is he bored of the work so is feeling unfulfilled? I wouldn’t break up with him over that if he’s good everywhere else. It’s hard to find a man that treats you well, cooks, cleans etc willingly and is actually loyal. I’d work on getting to the bottom of why he’s job hopping so frequently and go from there.


You cant really survive on 1 income anymore and his mom shouldnt have to cover his ass anymore

He’s auditioning for a househusband position. If you’re not on board with that then it is time to have some serious conversations with him.


Walk away! When I was young I worked at jobs I didn’t necessarily like but it paid the bills. I have also seen examples of what you describe. Being nice doesn’t pay the rent!

He may be great but if he can’t afford to live there and has to ask his mum thats a real issue. Maybe ask why he’s not working and see where he is mentally but you’re not a bad guy, you have to know you can rely on one another.

No I went through this also. We moved into a house we knew we would both need to work to keep, and shortly after his father passed away unexpectedly and he went into a spiraling depression. I kept him up for almost a year but eventually I ended up telling him if he can’t get a job, we couldn’t work out. It’s not fair to me to have to work and pay everything and it’s causing me stress and depression because all I do is work to pay bills. If he actually loves and cares about you like he says, he will find a job he can tolerate and stay at.


He sounds like a good man . Sit him down and talk to him about financial independence. Let him know that inflation is breaking your back! If he still can’t grow up and chip in financially then it’s time for him to go live with ATM momma.


Mary Elizabeth Colon unless HE stays home and raises the children. Men can be homemakers too…

I guess it depends on the reason he can’t/wont keep a job……there have been stay at home wives forever way before wives worked plus it’s 2023 aren’t we all suppose to be all inclusive and gender equality and all that. Women fought to be equal to men on the flip side of that men are equal to women. I think depending on the reason this is something you will get past if you love him. It’s your box in your mind you want him to fit into that’s not about him that’s about you.


I would not blame you, help with bills is important.

I think that is awesome to have a guy that goes all out for you a job will probably stay longer in the new year maybe it’s just not his time to shine all the best I wish I could have a man like him money doesn’t bring happiness


Not selfish at all… maybe explain this to him! Ask him how your supposed to start a family if he can’t even keep a job

Men don’t have to be the bread winner , Men can stay home and be house husband , Men can be a stay at home dad …

You’ve got a man that treats you amazing that’s worth its weight in gold and then Sum.

Let’s say you couldn’t keep a job and he was the bread winner would you want him to be like where over you can’t work enough?


The honeymoon is over, there are stages to life and in todays world it generally takes 2 incomes to achieve financial goals, unless he’s a SAHD then fairness dictates he is contributing

Sounds like he’s the woman in the relationship.

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Flip the gender for a moment… would you want a man to leave you if you didn’t have an outside job but was otherwise good to him and kept up with the house? This is a conversation that should have happened 6 years ago.


I think instead of running to the internet for a bunch of different opinions that won’t even help you that you and your bf have a talk. Does he even know how you feel? If you want answers the only thing that will help you is to talk to him!!

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It’s so much more socially acceptable for the man to hold down a job and the woman to stay home keeping up with the house, having dinner ready, grocery shopping and treating her man well. Flip the script and society and people start yelling he’s a freeloader, run, he’s just using you etc. But listen, if he’s consistently treated you very well, taken care of the house, cooked your dinners and is loyal to you I’d seriously think about why you want to dump him. You’ve been with him for six years and apparently he’s been a good man other than not holding a steady job. You have to figure out if it’s your own belief that he’s a man and therefore should be holding a steady job or if it’s the pressure you feel from others and society in general.

The good news is society is shifting and opening up and becoming more accepting of non traditional relationships.

The bottom line is you have to figure out for yourself what your priorities in life are. If having a man holding down a steady job is important to you, then by all means let him go.

There are so many women who would take him in a heartbeat because they’ve had traditional working husbands who were not good men outside of holding a job.

So many women who love their jobs and careers who would love and appreciate a good man who keeps the household running, dinner on the table and treats them lovingly.

Being a good housewife or husband and doing all the house things and doing all the cooking IS a job in itself.

Nobody yells dump her, she’s a loser, she should be working and contributing financially when a woman chooses to stay home and run the house, but many people are quick to say that about a house husband.

Again, it just all depends on what’s most important to you in YOUR life, being treated well and taken care of at home or being handed a paycheck.

No judgement either way, I just think you need to look at all the pros and cons objectively before you accept advice or the opinions of people on the internet. Good men who do cook and do housework and take loving care of their partners are hard to find whether they have a job or not.

If yours was a lazy slob who laid around on the couch all day and played video games, and then expected you to come home from work, clean up the house and cook him dinner and pick up after him, I’d agree that you should dump him quick.

From what you posted that doesn’t seem to apply. It sounds like he’s very much contributing to making a home and caring for you.

Just something to think about before you decide to dump him because he doesn’t hold a steady job and hand over a paycheck.

But if you need a breadwinner and someone to contribute to your financial well being in order to be happy in a relationship, then yes, by all means, walk away and find a breadwinner man. Only you know what your priorities are and what will make you happy.


If you’re ok with having a housewife and footing the bills, keep him! If not, have a serious talk with him


If you are not okay with being a primary breadwinner for a partner whose primary contributions are domestic labor, then he is not the right partner for you. Many relationships work with a similar dynamic but it seems to only come under scrutiny when it’s a man doing the domestic labor.


Nope. We aren’t pulling these dusty dudes through life like we are sugar mamas. No ma’am. You go get you an upgrade. Or just decenter men in your life and see how big of a glow up your life gets. How peaceful and fulfilling.

My daughter married a guy she dated 2 1/2 years. He was fired from 17 part time jobs in that time, of course it was never his fault. They were married 18 years and he never contributed a dollar to the marriage. This is where you are headed, you will resent and regret it in the future.


No I went through something like this. Could never keep a job no matter what. Broke up with him, and now over 10 years later he’s still not able to keep a job, in and out of jail for DUI and driving with no license (repeatedly). He’s homeless. It’s not worth it and omg, my husband now has never been without a job. If he got fired or quit today, he’d have a job tomorrow doing whatever he had to do to provide for our family! I would say just leave him!

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It could be social anxiety. Ask him about in home jobs that are more round his schedule. Or if he likes doing the house duties ask if he’d be willing to get certified as daycare and take on a couple kids. I babysat when I didn’t have a car. Never missed a day. Dreaded going to jobs with people

I can understand you wanna leave cause if I’m working everyday I sure wouldn’t like the fact that my significant other was setting at home. But another thing if he is taking care of the house making sure you have dinner and if he treats you like a princess that says alot as well. But like I said I do understand I just hope you don’t find someone that does have a job and then don’t make time for you cause he works to much and also doesn’t treat you as well as he does. I say it’s a lot to think about.

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Why can’t he keep a job? If it’s because hes not doing his job or showing up I’d leave him. If he keeps getting fired because of a mental or cognitive issue help him apply for SSI.

Many women don’t work & are completely financially dependent on their bf/husband/family. Many women here are. Nobody thinks anything of it. But when a man doesn’t work outside the house but cooks, cleans etc it’s a bad thing.

Is he just switching jobs every four months, or is he remaining unemployed each time? If he gets a new one immediately, I don’t think it’s a huge deal. He may have something like adhd though and that could be contributing to the job hopping. If he does everything else at home, I don’t think it’s the end of the world if he also wants a job he enjoys and doesn’t want to stick with one that he doesn’t. Just have a conversation about these things. This seems like something that could be worked out, rather than just ended after six years. It doesn’t sound like it’s a laziness issue, if he’s still cooking and cleaning for you.


It’s not like he’s sat around doing nothing but it’s entirely up to you

one of my good friends went thru this with a guy and he never changed she left met a really good guy and shes happy ….he still bouncing from job to job right now so no regrets on her part

Sounds like it’s going to be a big problem if he can’t hold a job and pay bills. He’s an adult, he needs to act like one and to take money from your parents nope that is just wrong. I would get out of that relationship now.

I have a hard time keeping jobs my husband is the bread winner. I do everything around the house. We’ve been together since January 2010 married since January 2011. I had a few short term jobs up until I broke my leg in October 2014. I got a job after I was able to work safely it lasted about 3 years. I haven’t had a “job” besides the very occasional babysitting job that never worked out because the parents would end up not paying then just not showing up. My husband and dad pitched in earlier this year to get me a 3d printer and vinyl cutter and I’m able to make a little extra money that way for us but my husband won’t take that money from me even if I shove it in his hands. He makes enough on his own for us to be comfortable. Anything I make he says it’s mine or worse case scenario emergency money. Now in 2007-2008 I dated a guy that never had or tried to get a job and would be sneaky and get into my bank account and video store account and blow my money so I had late fees and insufficient funds all the time. I wouldn’t ever want that again. I at least was trying and not trying to be sneaky during the times I didn’t have a job early on in mine and my husband’s relationship and marriage.

You’re his Sugga Momma. He treats you so well because you provide EVERYTHING. He’s not stupid just afraid of losing a free life.

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Help him in the area that needs work, he would keep a job longer if he enjoyed going to it, I believe. I wouldn’t necessarily leave, I would give him a timeframe of when you would like him to have a job, and maybe help him. Us women have to do everything if we want it done right :joy:

Go ahead and leave, but when he finds someone else and they build a beautiful life together, don’t try to come back.

If you are not in a position to take care of him financially and have to ask him to help pay the bills, then he needs to be working. Especially if this wasn’t an agreement that you guys both made for him not to work. And it’s not selfish for you to not be ok with this.


He would of been gone !!!

My husband was the same way, went thru jobs like candy. It caused issues. Until I decided to actually sit down and talk to him about why he was going thru them so fast. He didn’t like work for people that knew far less than him, telling him to do things wrong or undermind his knowledge. I asked what he’d like to do. He said to start his own business. So that’s what we did. It was tough at first, but 4 years later and the business is thriving.


Let that man go so he can properly love someone who properly loves them back cuz u aint it


I suppose everyone is different but if it were me, especially after SIX YEARS I wouldn’t want to have to ask for contributions. My SO contributes half, on time, for everything, or just go. I don’t need to add chasing down a grown man and reminding him it costs money for everything we have, and all the bills are due at the same time every month.
Does he work and then leave the job and immediately start a new one? Or are there great lengths between jobs? Is Mom going to someday say no to her son when he asks? If she can financially support him would you be okay with her just paying half of everything on his behalf? What happens if something happens to her, like she passes suddenly…then what is he going to do? Its great that he helps where so many others don’t but it should never be one or the other, he is supposed to be a partner, someone to share your entire life with, not just the parts he chooses and when you have to reach out and remind him to. Does it really bother you that this is his situation, or do you feel like you should be bothered?

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So when he does find a stable job, and keeps it, what are your plans? I think you’ll possibly regret it if you leave him.


If you make enough and desire to have a house husband, that’s great. If he does the housework while you earn money, there’s nothing wrong with that. But if you can’t support everyone on your income, he needs to step up. It is a personal decision though

What am I even reading here wow…

As if people would actually sack their partners off for that…

Back in the days when men went out to work while women was housewives sack their partner off for not working? No they didn’t… they brought the mo ey in while the women cleaned cooked looked after children etc…

We may not be in them days now but what difference is it if its the other way round??? Doesn’t matter if jts men working women at home or women working and men at home as long as they do the house work cooking etc.etc then I honestly don’t see a problem in it

Each to their own tho I guess

Im at this point too, idk what to do

Time to go. You’re asking the question so you know the answer.

I didn’t ever care about a man supporting me, I can do that myself. If he’s honest, respectful, and loyal, who cares? That’s just me tho.


Yes it’s reasonable you want a partner not a child


A grown assed man should have a job. Tell him to get a job and keep it or he’ll be out on his ears

what’s going to happen when his mom


Yes love him for who he is not what he has got if your living together maybe live apart but stay together might help the situation and might help on the bills side as well as you’ll be paying your own bills for yourself but you’ll be able to stay together as a couple and just date rather than live together dont give up something great over bills ie money would be a waste can’t spend money when your dead life is for living and taking every moment

Loser… get rid of him…

Is he a good housewife? Will he support you to get better training for a better job.? Is this what you see in your future forever?

O mean he checks all the boxes but the job. I know plenty of women who are housewives. If it’s not financially putting you in a pinch then who cares