How often is too often for my ex to contact our two-year-old daughter? He literally blows me up to “talk to her” once an hour all day. I feel like this is a bit much, but he will not stop. He does talk to her and doesn’t talk to me much, but it is cutting into my day-to-day schedule when I am constantly stopping what I am doing to answer his call and give my phone to my toddler. I am not trying to keep her from him or anything, but this is too much, right? How do I get him to stop doing this?
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I feel like this is a bit much. I get calling daily and maybe even twice a day…but this is overkill!
I would get her a little smart watch for kids that can only accept a couple of phone numbers.
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Be happy he wants to talk to his kid??? You know how many women would die for this to happen you don’t realize how lucky you really are
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I think it’s very nice he does that
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Well my kids dad doesn’t call, see, text…anything for him. So be happy she has a dad who wants her.
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We had issues with SD mom. We had to set a schedule. On the weekends we really didn’t care as long as it was well before bedtime. During the week from 5:00-7:30. She insisted on asking after 8pm. After the no’s started rolling out, she called during the correct times. But, it has died down. She usually calls one to two times during our week.
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Depends what you class as too much? I bet you don’t go all day without talking to your child? He clearly misses his child, your child is lucky… be grateful
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I totally understand where you are coming from and it is too much to be calling every hour, especially if your out. And she is only 2. I would put it to 3 times a day, one in morning one afternoon and one before bedtime and just give him longer calls, that way you can have that time to do what you need to do while she is having her phone calls. And before people jump on, I have also had a dad that didnt bother with mine but every hour is just far too much, give him the set times. Your doing a great job x
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Set boundaries, agree on what times your happy with and stick to them, dont answer the phone to him at other times 
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I agree with a few set times every day like in the morning, during the day and before bed. When she is with him do you call constantly?
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Do u have a parenting plan in place?? Maybe try and make some type of schedule. Like hey I know it’s ur child but I have stuff to do where I can’t be available constantly. I mean she’s only 2.
I would say up times when he can call BUT stick to those times.
No way, once an hour all day is rediculous
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Set up an agreed upon window of time when he can call and you can make her available. He should have access to her but not be allowed to inconvenience you. Maybe send a couple pics would help ease his mind too but make sure you are setting and keeping boundaries.
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I think it is good for not only him but her as well. It shows that he still wants to be a part of her day not sure your situation but I would allow it. not convenient for you but it is what it is sometimes you have to do what you have to do for you children, just make boundaries with him if you got to
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I disagree with the comments above about being greatful he wants to talk to his child etc!
There is a big difference between wanting to be a big part of your child’s life and having regular contact with them which is positive to him calling once per hour per day. That is absolutely ridiculous. Any solicitor would tell you that it ain’t isn’t plausible and would be classed as harassment. Boundaries need to be put in place! I’d say he can call once a day (when it’s convenient for you but set a time and stick to it)
Does he have contact with her on set days like every other weekend? If so I presume you don’t call him every hour to speak to your child. It’s just not necessary! Definitely put boundaries in place and seek support from a solicitor X
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He is doing it to annoy you. Yes it’s too much and can be considered harassment. Keep track
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I agree, hes controlling when he isnt even there!!!
Defo need positive regular contact that suits both.
What can change per hour, every day??? Sounds terrible to me!!!
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Maybe he can get her a phone or set several times during the day for there time. My son missed his daughters first 2 years of her life (moms fault) in a blink of an eye 
they grow however you have your life and taking care of a little one etc. will only make you salty in time. So co-parent
God bless
Wtf… farout your an idoit and if he wasnt calling or wanting to see her your’d be moaning your srse off… SHUT UP and be thankful you had a kid to someone who actually cares and not to someone who doesn’t give a FCK…
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Imagine if he had your daughter everyday…how often would you want to call if you were missing out on being there
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Why dont u Let him take her out that way he can spend time with her without u feeling hassled to answer ur phone … I agree he’s ringing abit much but maybe if he could spend more time he wouldnt be such a bother ? I really dont know the situation I’m just throwing out suggestions … it does sound like he cares and misses her tho
Omg Hello he is using the child to get to you I’m sorry but this is called stalking & intimidation through a third party it happened to me for years
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This is my sons dad. Not so much now as he has his tablet that he rings him on just as much. Controlled me for years
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Tell him he can buy her a phone and pay for the plan if he wants to call her all the time. Doesn’t he have a job? How does he have all this time to talk?
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She is two years old she does not need a phone and he needs to stop I would get a restraining order and stop this something is wrong with him
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Give him custody… see how you like it if you can’t live with your kids.
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Maybe talk to him and ask if you could arrange a time to talk to her? Its great that he wants to have contact but an hour a day isn’t exactly putting you out unless I’ve read that wrong? Apologies if I have
Tell him to buy her a phone
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Wow, you’re selfish! It’s an hr out of your day. How would you feel if the tables were turned and you couldn’t see your child as often as you do now. I know I would be blowing my ex’s multiple times out of the day to talk to my child. If it inconveniences you that much YOU should buy her a phone just solely for him to call to talk to her.
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How often would you call if the roles were reversed? I hated being limited to a phone call per day and at times a week.
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Looking from it from a health point of view .
A child that young does not need & should not be holding a phone or have it up to her head that much …
Some will roll their eyes and shake their heads , but it is a radio active device 
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Thats not healthy for the child every hour, this is controlled behaviour wether he is her dad or not and your the one in control so why are you letting him control your life 
tell him times he can ring and dont answer the other times or it will carry on as your allowing it so he will carry on, or go and speak to someone for advice, and are you saying once a day or every hour? Because every hour is taking the piss, yes he wants to speak to her but every hour isn’t good for her 
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Everyone who commented saying to have him get her a phone… She is 2 yrs old, no way she needs a phone that young! He is controlling your day even if he isn’t there. Even the court system has set boundaries for calling, times, days, and duration of these calls. Although I feel even the times that they set are not enough. Twice a day set aside for calls is not asking too much. I mean there is always exceptions, exciting news, bad days when talking to your child would make things feel better, etc.
But I certainly feel, IMO, that you should probably call an get advice from an attorney because harassment is a serious issue and will affect your daughter in the long term.
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It’s great he wants to be involved in his daughters life but Calling to speak every single hour is not okay. It’s disruptive to the child too. Have you gone through court at all for custody/joint custody or anything?
If so, you could bring this up to your lawyer. A judge is not going to agree to him calling 12+ times a day.
Or Just try talking to him, maybe set up a few times everyday for him and her to talk.
I feel like once an hour is an exaggeration like does he not have a job or do anything? Surely he’s gotta be busy some times too. But he misses his daughter and there’s nothing wrong with that, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop what you’re doing every time he calls. If you’re doing something important, just don’t answer. I’d def suggest a parenting plan and figure out something that works for both of you
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How long have you guys been separated, if it’s new maybe it’s just really hard on him not seeing her and being able to talk to her whenever he likes. Not trying to play devils advocate or anything but if it’s a new break up his way of seeing his daughter has changed completely while it hasn’t for you. Coming from someone who’s dad never called after their parents broke up, maybe he just needs her right now. If it’s a new split you still have the comfort of your daughter everyday. Could just be very knew to him. Maybe set up a schedule where he can face time with her. 
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I’ve had this issue I agreed that my daughter’s dad calling once a day was fine until it started upsetting my daughter she was only young and couldn’t grasp the conversation at some points she was playing and not talking. It was pointless and as she’s gotten older she just gets upset after the call.
I do feel it’s a way of control as I explained it was upsetting our daughter and he insisted he will continue to do it in the end I just took control and said every couple of days for less time. Children at that age done have the attention span for a full hour convo.
It’s strange reading through the comments it’s nice to know that I’m not alone on this as alot of parents are struggling with controling exes.
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I would think once a day is more than enough for a 2 year old to talk to their parent.
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Every hour?? Does he have a job? I think you should set up a video call before bed every night so daddy can say sweet dreams or read a bedtime story. That can be something she may end up looking forward to in her daily routine. Calling her 40 times a day will get old by the time she’s 3 or 4 and she will have better things to do. You need to set boundaries.
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So I had this with my sons dad, when he first left, our son is 14 months and doesn’t understand ft at all but ex wanted to call 2/3 or more times a day, through trial and error we have found a compromise twice a day is plenty since son mostly ignores him anyway, would rather be playing or throws my phone and walks away. And it was hard on me having to constantly follow my son around trying to get him to notice daddy on screen. So now its once in the morning, and once in afternoon, usually when it suits us. Or I’ll ft him if son is doing something new or cute. But it’s got to benefit the child mostly not the parents. Like if son is busy. Or grumpy (hahaha often) ill just say to ex, hes not going to sit nicely and talk to you
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I understand you both. I think he’s maybe missing her a lot. Maybe say to him if it’s okay can you make the phone call at x time of night before she goes to bed and he can have a phone call before bed and he can have the chance to ask how her day has went and be able to say goodnight and maybe see if he wants to take her a little bit more often . I know it’s hard but i would probably be the same way if I didn’t live with mine. Try and come to some kind of compromise. I know she’s two but is there maybe a tablet lying around that you can download messenger on so he can FaceTime that then that way your not having to stop your daily things to answer it. Xx
I would set maybe 3 times a day if he’s insisting on talking to her that much. But at 2 shes not going to remember these calls and once an hr is alot and seems very controlling. It seems like he just wants to see where you’re at or if you have her every single hr
Christ. Tell him to get a life and you’ll call once a day.
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Work with him and set up times that work better for you. In the long run your daughter is better off with a dad that cares and calls vs a deadbeat who doesn’t care. That’s much harder to explain to a little girl, and so painful. IMO if he’s not trying to talk to you and is only interested in his daughter you got lucky in a way.
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Does he have visits? I’d talk to him and tell him I have a schedule for our child and it’s a bit much when my phone keeps ringing. You can call absolutely but the best times for you to call and give him a time during the morning and during the evening. I know this may sound harsh but if you are in the middle of something you do not have to answer your phone you’re not keeping him from his child I don’t feel that at all. You are right with your thought process.id set phone times for him that work for your home and your sched
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Lets just think if this were reversed…you would expect him to answer every phone call and let you talk to her whenever you want right?? Yes its excessive but the man has to have a job or something right? Maybe do set times but make sure it goes both ways
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Wow if the tables were turned would you want someone saying you’re calling your daughter too much?..
Is there really a too much when it comes to a parent contacting their child?
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According to the Childrens Court, guidelines two times a WEEK is more than officiant for a child under the age of 5. They do not grasp the abstract of a phonecall or even video call. You will see that there will come a time that your child will be irritated or fuzzy whenever she just hear your phone ringing. That is because the brains signals are going wild because a phonecall does not and will never replace a true visit.
Even once EVERYDAY will be to much for your child.
Go see a therapist or social worker and let her help you set op a parenting plan.
Belive me. I type this out of my own experience.
Good luck.
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Be grateful your daughters father is in her life. Don’t force him out. Let him love that baby. There are bigger issues to worry about.
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Wow I wish my baby dad would call my kids that much. Certainly not something I’d complain about.
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He just misses her. Answer the phone
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I think it’s excessive. Is he emotionally struggling with the breakup? Is he trying to make sure you’re not moving on? Doesn’t he work? Inform him you need some space and give him a time to call that is convenient for you. Tell him you will try to text pictures or updates during the day but you are no longer available to answer the phone every hour.
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Not being mean, but I have to question if you recently split? Was he working from home if you were together? The reason I ask is if that’s the case, he misses her being apart of his day if this is the case. Any SAHM who has been at home with their children during this pandemic would possibly doing the same if their child wasn’t home. My kids are 17 and 14 and when they go to their dads, I’m calling his phone or they’re calling mine . But, he had zero to do with them for 5 years straight and the heartache they endured. He didn’t pop back into their lives until they were old enough to take care of themselves. Imagine the hurt in your child’s eyes, asking why daddy doesn’t want to see you? I hunted his butt down and did what was necessary to try and get him back in their lives and so far it has been a happy one and it’s going on 4 years. However his own parents don’t even associate with our children and that’s okay. My point is, is sometimes parents love their kids so much that they want to see every aspect of their lives especially when they’re little. Maybe sit down and discuss with the other parent of your child about possibly a phone call each night before bedtime and one after she awakens and try compromising. You never know how the other parent of your child is feeling unless you communicate. Don’t get annoyed by him wanting to be apart of your child’s life as sometimes it’s hard when you’re away from your children.
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Fathers are allowed to miss their kids too!
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Wake up, he is bugging you
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one time a day is enough
Honestly I would let him talk to her as much as he wants, he has every right to want to talk to his child it’s not like he’s trying to talk to you he just misses his baby 
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Wow lady! You should be thankful her father loves her, cares for her, and wants to be in her life. You sound extremely selfish.
Honestly it’s probably annoying , but a good thing at least he’s calling, and If she likes it let her. Maybe set times that fit with your schedule with him
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Idk maybe be happy your child’s father is active in her life? Lots of Dads just disappear.
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Be grateful! Some moms wish their kids das would just call period!
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I feel like if he wants to call just to listen to her make noise. Let him. Could be worse. He could not care at all. set the phone down and let him go for a few minutes.
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It defiantly sounds like your trying to cut him out of her life, if he’s making an effort to regularly keep in contact with her why would you want to stop it ?
Maybe you should set up a time and say this is they time you can call her a set time so that it’s not random and unexpected for you
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Do you get to talk to your daughter every hour?.. why shouldn’t he have the same rights… mainly if he is trying.
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I’d set a limit “she’ll call you when she wakes up and when she goes to sleep” and then do the same when she’s with him. That’s it!
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If roles were reversed would you not want to talk to your daughter as much as you could?
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Set specific times for them to speak, maybe once in the morning and once in the evening. If your schedule allows maybe at lunch time as well but at least they will be at times you expect and can plan for.
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Don’t answer every call. Let him know what time to call in morning and at night. Calls between don’t get answered, he’ll get the message when you let him know who’s in control.
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Once an hour? Thats definitely too much. Since she’s 2 I’d say maybe 2x a day is sufficient. Set boundaries and follow the court order
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Seems excessive and annoying to me! I would stop answering the phone.
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Reverse psychology that! Call him every 15 minutes (for her) until he can’t stand it any more. 
Honestly though, I think you just gotta deal with it.
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I would just tell him you cannot keep interrupting your life like that. It’s wonderful that he wants to be involved but I get it. Just tell him straight up and set some times where he can talk to her for longer? Does he see her much or just call?
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If I were in your situation I’d be a little annoyed too, but discuss it with him. Tell him you’re happy he is involved and that you want that relationship for them BUT you have things you have to take care of and it would be better if he called her a couple times within a given window each day. He should be willing to work with your schedule and be understanding
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Um…seriously. it’s his child. Let him be. It might be annoying but it’s his right. Get her a flip phone with her own number and no internet so he calls that or just get a house phone. You are with her all day every day. He is not. What is once an hour…it could be worse. He could be dead or not even in her life. Or prison. Then you would have that to deal with. And on here complaining that he wasn’t a part of her life. Honestly, that awesome that he is doing this. A lot of people probably envy you for having an active father. Count your blessings.
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Be grateful he calls some Dont even especially at that age and she needs to know that he may not be with her but he loves her and misses her
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Tbh that would drive me mad if he was calling every hour. Its so hard to have a minute when you have a toddler in the house. I would try sort out times for him to call so you can plan around it. Great to see he wants to be so involved though but I’d definitely sort out some times as that’s a bit excessive.
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Thats a little bit extreme
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Is this a recent split? If so maybe he’s just missing her. Otherwise, yeah it’s a bit much for any child to be interrupted every hour for a phone call. I’d set times for phone calls and facetimes daily.
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Set a schedule. Morning and before bed. Does he visit with her at all?
Don’t answer it every time
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Thats awesome he calls to talk with her !! Im sure its gets annoying at times. But the call is not for you …If you have just set up certain times morning…day…before bed …
He’s your x. And she isn’t his daughter ?
That’s kind of bit too much. I would tell him the hours that are good him to call and maybe block his phone during certain hours.
Why is he all up on wanting to talk to her so much. That is a bit strange.
Sounds like he’s trying to get your attention not really hers
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I would suggest maybe telling him to limit the calls to maybe 2-4 times a day and try FaceTime ? Maybe he just wants to see her and hear her but calling way too often is causing too much stress for you.
It’s his way of controlling you. My ex tried that.
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I feel like a lot of women on this post aren’t understanding, he calls her every HOUR. In my honest opinion? It’s way too much and gives me a vibe that he’s keeping an eye on you. Set limits and times during the day. If you had a job you couldn’t answer every hour could you?
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I’m just curious why she doesn’t just go with him for a while🤷🏽♀️
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Just let him know he needs to call between certain hours and only answer during that time.
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Give him a certain time to call. If he calls before that time then don’t answer. Once he calls at that time you gave him then you answer so he can talk to his daughter.
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Yeah thats a little bit to much seems to me that he’s just trying to check up on you as well and see if you guys are out doing something id set a time for him to call her 2-3 times a day
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I don’t answer my phone if it’s not convenient for me
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Be happy about it. I have two kids that have a father who died and they would love to have that opportunity.
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Would you rather he wanted nothing to do with her?
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You should be grateful that he trying to stay in touch with your kid…
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A basic parenting plan in Missouri is 10 minutes per day.
I can’t get my 3 year olds dad to talk to him at all. Designate a time. Don’t make it a big deal.
Be grateful. The minute you get tired of it and lash out will be the day you just shit on their relationship
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Its really good he wants to be a father but you haft to set some boundaries because that is way to extreme. Maybe he could have a hidden agenda such as checking up on you as well. I would be nice and try to talk to him about it and if it keeps up i would just start ignoring his calls and limited them to once or twice daily
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