I wouldn’t say you’re exactly like pulling the baby card because I definitely recognize and understand that it’s difficult to do what you’re doing in that position. So like her saying you’re doing that is kind of a little bit rude because obviously no matter what you’re going to think about your child first and imagining putting them through a long car ride might stress you out or whatever. But at the end of the day if you don’t do this it’ll just go down in history as you being a bad friend and Your friend will probably never ever be able to forgive you for it. It’ll definitely cause a permanent rift in your relationship with this person so if you don’t want that I would definitely suggest you go. If you haven’t ever lost a parent before I lost somebody really close to you you have no idea what she’s going through. When my dad died I had a lot of people kind of treat me less than desirable in that way and I will tell you it’s been 7 years and I still haven’t forgotten and I don’t think I ever will. To do what’s right, you should definitely go.
I’d want you to drive the 4 hours and I would have loved to see your daughter to maybe take my mind off of things for 5 minutes.
This coming from someone who lost my mom at 21 and I was a single mom at the time of 2 little boys. I had 2 very close GFs at the time and wouldn’t have made it though it without them.
She’s goin through so much. I mean her mother died MONTHS ago and she hasn’t been able to really start the grieving process til this is over.
Pack up your child and make it a fun road trip. Maybe stay a few extra days to see other family and friends.
You need to be with her.
Your friend is being unreasonable. We still have covid and it is surging. You should not be bringing your child into a crowded event like that.
She grieving but yes having a baby at a funeral won’t end well. Baby will make noise and racket and upset others that are also grieving.
Stop trying to please her. And stay home. Or…
Stop trying to please her and go.
But go for you. Or stay for you.
Either way, she’s already offended. So do you.
I had no choice but to bring my daughter to not one but two separate funerals of uncles when she was under a year old. (One involving a couple of nights stay and she didn’t sleep or settle). I also had to get an immediate passport for my 6 month old son, who was breastfeeding, to fly across the world with me for my grandfather’s funeral and leaving my daughter and husband at home (for 3 weeks) as we couldn’t all afford the flights. No kids are not perfectly well behaved and it’s expected during an emergency. Funerals are awful and in an ideal world none of us would want to go to one.
You’re friend may have said that as lashing out because she really was relying on you to be there to support her as planned. If your child is really uncontrollable during the service then you simply step out as you would during an older siblings school play or any other gathering. Whatever your decision you really need to try and support your friend and be expecting for her to say things out of character. It’s not worth her losing a best friend as well as her mother.
You need to go. Best friends are there for each other no what.
Either bring your daughter or tell the father he needs to adjust his schedule
Be there. No matter what.
My best friends grandmother passed away a few years ago and I was living away
But I couldn’t not go! So I packed my bubba and drove from Newcastle to Sydney and back in a day
I stood most of the time outside the church when bubba was getting worked up but when she settled I’d go back in
Till today I wouldn’t of done it differently 
I took my 2year old to my grandfathers funeral, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. It’s not about naughty children it’s about paying your respects to the dead. No funeral I have ever been to has had people pissed off over a crying kid and the parent takes them outside for a bit to settle them. Your best friend needs you and it’s a shitty thing to let her down in this situation. I’d drag all my kids and nieces and nephews to a funeral to support my bestie in a heartbeat.
Her saying I will remember this sounds a bit manipulative like she’ll get you back later which is super rude. I don’t know on this one. I’ve never been in her situation or yours. I hope you can make a peaceful decision.
Simply put. You aren’t the good friend she thought you were.
If she truly is your best friend, you need to suck it up and go. Tell your kid to behave herself stop pulling the baby card and just go. Your friend needs you.
She’s mourning and her emotions are out the roof! Try to go. This is the time when friends are really needed and true friends come through.
Remember she’s in a lot of pain from losing her mother.
Wow. I expected to read more supportive answers. I mean, I lost my mom, and I had plenty of friends and family there to support me. I can admit, if my boyfriend hadn’t made it I would have shit a brick, but if he couldn’t make the 12 hour drive it’s not like I wouldn’t have had anyone else there to support me. I would have gotten over it… probably. I was carrying his child at the time though, so… idk… that might be different.
I’ll tell ya what, though. People here must have really reasonable toddlers. I panic having to take my ADHD kids on a 2 hour drive (one is ASD too), so 4 hours both ways with only one night in between is a lot, imo.
People here saying you need to show up for your friend, like “fuck that baby,” but how come no one said the baby’s father needs to show up for you?? That’s some bullshit, if you ask me.
Not to mention, that’s a lot of people to expose a child to in the middle of a pandemic (which people seem to be forgetting about). I missed a funeral for my uncle that was 3 hours away, because I had a newborn and it was in Queens right next to a measles outbreak. But it sounds like y’all would have gone, right? Ok. Great parents.
So, if you now feel totally obligated to go… Is there another friend you grew up with there, who either already won’t be at the funeral, or who wasn’t as close to your girlfriend and doesn’t need to stay long? Someone you trust, who would be willing to go to the wake, then come back to watch your baby for a couple hours while you attend the service/burial and repast? Then maybe you stay an extra day, even, just to give the baby a longer respite before the 4 hour drive back.
Or you ask if your girl can wear an airpod in one ear, or something, and call you, so you can be in her ear the whole time to support her, and you can participate, but not disturb the funeral with your baby (mute if baby gets loud) or expose yourself and the baby to other funeral goers?
Even if you just suggest these options, so she knows you want to be there for her. Then if you decide to chose the safety and sanity of yourself and your child over her, you at least tried. Hopefully she will recover once the trauma of this has subsided. No one is thinking clearly in these situations. We feel like everyone should mourn our loss the way we mourn it. But of course, we forget, this isn’t your family. You can’t call in favors like you could if it had been your mother or grandmother, when people come running from everywhere to take your child for you while you tend to things. We forget that there are other priorities out there, and those priorities are reasonable. We forget this because for her, nothing right now is reasonable. Life isn’t being reasonable. God (perhaps) isn’t being reasonable. Nothing is ok, right now. But life goes on eventually. And it may (or may not) be more reasonable down the line. I hope it works out, and you find a way to safely and fairly support her. Wear a mask if you go! But, bottom line – make sure that baby is your priority. That was the deal you made when you gave birth. -Period-
Put your kid in the car and go.
When I lost my dad, those who actually showed really proved who my true friends were… there were “bestfriends” who didnt show up and it took me a while to forgive them… saying you have no help.is playing the baby card… people have kids, you learn to adapt and take them… if you dont go you’re a shitty friend in my eyes…m
My dad died May 2019. My best friend ghosted me for months after. We aren’t friends anymore. If she is your best friend you show up no matter what. Especially during her worst time.
Still go and be there for her but maybe don’t go to the service. Stay at her house and clean and do things for her while she is at the service. Get a babysitter in either place. Take your baby with you to the service. How old is she? Bring snacks and a tablet or use your phone for games she can play. Your child is not a reason to not go.
You know what… mom bashing you is not right. You need to do what’s best for you and your baby. If you don’t feel comfortable driving all that distance then don’t go. Send a nice card and flower arrangement to your friend.
People are crazy. I would never bring my small kids to a funeral unless it was a close family member. Especially with covid, my kids don’t go anywhere. Kids come first, even BEFORE best friends 
I’d support my friend no matter what if I had my kids I’d bring them with me
Ur pulling the baby card… her mom died. Once. Not gonna happen again. She needs.you now. If your not there now, how can she rely on you… ever?
Tell her to suck your left t!t
You should be there. With your child if that’s how it has to be.
I’m sorry. But if the mom died 4 mos ago how come they’re just now doing the burial service? We don’t wait long to bury in my family. 5-7 days Max. But you need to be there.
It depends. That is a far drive. I won’t visit people that live 40 mins away because my 4 year old can’t stand long car rides she’ll literally throw up and my 4 month old screams and cries the whole time in a car seat. My son who is 2 I would take him every where cuz he is my quiet child. If it was close by a different story but far away to a funeral that’s tough. People without kids just don’t understand. I drove 1 hour with my kids and it was the worst hour of my life. Try finding a babysitter a fsmily member or something because this is a time ur friend needs you but if you can’t they need to understand. It’s a tough situation try figuring something out but I agree with you I wouldn’t take my kids on a funeral or wedding because I wouldn’t be able to even sit and talk to anyone.
Honestly put your big girl panties on and take your kid with you, I dont understand how females need everyone to sit there kids for them to do stuff, I take my kids with me everywhere
If you dont go she will never forget it and how would u feel if it was the other way around, put yourself in her shoes . You could always go and stay with her and maybe she knows someone who could keep an eye on your child for the service
If it were me… I’d take the drive at night so my child sleeps. If I was worried about my kid during the service I’d at least go & be there to support my friend. To just be present when she needs me the most even if it’s not at the service. You could help her keep her head on straight & be there for her when its all over. You can help her clean up the house & remember to eat. When my dad died I really needed just someone to be my backbone & remind me to care for myself that weekend of his funeral.
I’d move mountains with my kids on my back for my best friend. Cause I know shed do the same…
I guess I’m a different type of breed…
Well if she was really your friend then it wouldn’t matter the circumstances. Your “friend” just lost someone important to her and I’m on her side. I lost my brother and my so called best friend knew him for 10 years and showed her face for 5 minutes before playing that same card oh well the kids are in the car and so is my boyfriend so I have to go. Makes you realize who is really a friend and who is fake…
I’d go and just do what you can.Also ask her if she’s knows any one in the area that could maybe watch your child during the service.Having you and your child there might be a welcome distraction for her…
Send her a card with a hand written letter. She should understand and know you are with ber in Spirit. That is true friendship. At thw same time understand she is hurting and may see things differently when this all passes. You being there with no judgements is also the meaning of friendship.
What…
She’s your friend … and she lost her mom… she needs to know that she has the support. Pack your kids up and suck it up for the next few days. That’s just how it should be…put yourself in her shoes. Your excuse is a terrible excuse and honestly, I would be rethinking our friendship if I was your friend … if you can’t figure out how to be there for her when things are tough, why on earth should she allow you to be there for her when things aren’t rough…
I went over 900 miles to be with my best friend when her dad passed but if I could not make it she would have understood that’s a true friend
By her say she will remember this is not taking your situation into account
As you can see so many people have opinions. Some say go, stay or even drop her as a friend.
Look, you can find other child care providers. Care dot com is one of them.
In the end do what you want to do. Good luck.
My great granddaughter drives 3.30 hour one way ever 2 week to see her father. Children are not breakable.she will survive and no permanent damage will be done. Stop coddling your child!
Honestly your kids should matter the most to you and if you don’t think it’s the right thing or situation for your baby then that’s it. Yes being there for her is great and she needs you but she is being immature and selfish.
I would not take my kid to a funeral especially not during this (covid)…absolutely not. My child comes first and I wouldn’t risk their well-being being/health for a funeral.
We aren’t getting to have my dads funeral, passed a month ago. Even if we could I wouldn’t want nor allow people to bring their kids.
I’d go for my best friend but I know that’s hard between your kid. 2 days out of a life time though wouldn’t be much. It’s a lifetime of a supportive moment to your friend.