I’ve lost close loved ones and never put pressure on anyone to go to their funerals. When grandpa died some of my best friends couldn’t go but they were there for me during many calls when I cried
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My daughter cried for most of her great grandma’s funeral service. One of the family members that spoke said that ggma would have rather my child be there crying than not be there at all. I vote be there for your people. Babies cry 
.
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She lost her mom and is about to bury her, she will never see her mom again and she wants your support. She’s allowed to be as “unreasonable” as she wants too right now. Make it happen.
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Be there for your friend. Take your daughter with you. If it were you, you’d expect the same from your friend. Friends are supposed to be there for each other during rough times. If the funeral is too much for your daughter, then you can leave but at least you’d be able to say you showed up to support as much as you could.
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I get the hesitation and there will be hard parts. But its doable. I was stressed going on a plane with my toddler alone but it worked out better than i expected. Same with driving 19 hours to our new home.
I went to a funeral with him and there was a back room with a TV screen for people with kids etc I was able to use.
I think you should call her and tell her you’re sorry and that you will be there.
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Maybe having your kid there will breathe life into the people of mourning, children make people smile and it’s good to realize both exist when one hurts so much. If she’d rather you and the baby be there than not then you have your answer on if it would be disrespectful. Your friend seems to find your absence more disrespectful than the noise your child will bring. Go, be there for your friend and let your daughter be there for your friend it’s important to her
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She’s your best friend right?? I don’t know how old your daughter is. But I would go. When my baby brother passed my daughter has a 1 year old and a 2 week old. I’m sure someone at the service can hold her to give you a break. Kids love car rides. Do your best to get there. Good luck
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To me it all depends on age of the child… i love my best friend to death and I would probably make my partner call out of work… but my 7 month old and 5 yo are not about to be going 8 hours in 2 days sit still/be quite and be respectful of the whole funeral. To me itd be more rude if I brought my children and they showed there butt and I was more into my children then actually being there…
Quality vs quantity… maybe go the next time he is off so you can go by yourself and be there for her…
Plus pandemic I wouldn’t be bringing my children…
Also I had to bring my son to my grandfather funeral and it was awful I couldn’t be there for my father/ grandmother because my child wanted my attention and to keep him entertained and quite and not rude to others… it wouldve been better if I couldve let someone else watch him… she may want you there but you being there and not being about to actually be there for her because of your child or your child screaming because there upset… shell get mad at that too because you weren’t there for her… its an impossible decision for you and im sorry
Jeepers woman I’m about to drive 10 hours in 24hours to go to a dentist… I’m prioritising it as it going to be the cheapest option. For a friend I would load all 3 children in the car and be there 100%
For my BEST friend, I would travel across the world.
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Babys love car rides maybe dont go to the service but atleast show up after and be there for her
A real friend will understand and wouldnt want you to put your daughter through that… you can send flowers… a personally made up care box… facetime all the time… lots of places are live streaming the service so you could watch it …
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Get a babysitter .u have to go if my best friend didnt turn up that’s it friendship over
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If she’s your best friend then this shouldn’t be a question. Your baby will survive a long car ride. Stop making excuses and go comfort your friend. Im sure you would expect the same from her.
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My best friend was there for my father’s funeral and I’m thankful she was… Had she not been able to make it I dont think I would have ended our friendship but I’m sure it’d be different… I’d probably have my husband call off work if i had to… I’d definitely need to be there for her if this happened to her as she was for me… I have 4 kids… Id find a sitter if not I’d have my husband use a day…
I remember who was and wasn’t at my dad’s funeral 6 years ago…the ones I’m still close with were there supporting me…if she’s important to you you’ll make it work…be there
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She just needs you plz go even with your baby and be with her she doesn’t mind she feels alone x
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My bff grandma died, I was there, her cousin died, I was there, if she lost any of her parents I would drop everything for her and I know she would do the same for me. Friends for 30 years and I’ll always be by her side when needed.x
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Your here best friend… Do what you have to be with her xx 
I know baby can be channelling at times but that might be the distraction she needs xx
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I just lost my dad two months ago to cancer. As a mom of three, I get it and would completely understand if my best friend couldn’t be at the funeral, which she wasn’t. How much support can you provide your friend if you’re busy and distracted by your daughter? You can still be there for her without physically being there. I also know that my best friend would agree if I was in your situation. She wouldn’t disown me as a friend because of it. Our friendship is stronger than that. In fact, I could not attend her father’s funeral either, because we are a military family that was living overseas at the time.
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This is someone you consider your “best friend”… ouch. I feel sorry for her. She deserves better friends. 4 hours is not that bad. Her mother died. Damn, grow a heart
For just one kid? I wouldn’t think it’d be that difficult. My son slept a whole 2 hour trip in his car seat🤷🏽♀️ and also I remember kids being at my grandpa’s funeral(I was maybe 11/12) and I just remember them being cute. Had no idea who they were tbh, but it was more adorable than anything. Just a thought and if your friend wants you there, I’d go regardless if I had the means financially.
You should be there for your best friend
Your friend needs you right now. Take your daughter with you. I know it’s hard I’ve been there and I have no regrets.
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Your daughter will be fine.
For her to say"I will remember this" maybe she is not as close a friend as you think. Does she have no one else that will be there? When my Mom died I was in a daze for weeks. I have no idea who was and was not there. I ALWAYS put my children first. Over anything. I am not sure if your friend will disown you or not…but I know my kids will always be there. #kidsfirst
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If shes really your best friend she will understand things happen . hot car and child don’t mix I agree. If this breaks the friendship then she wasn’t really a best friend
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You are being unreasonable! You call this person your best friend and you can’t be there in her darkest hour?!
You are absolutely playing the “baby card” and I wouldn’t be furious and heartbroken if I called you my friend.
I’m sure she will remember it and you will too when you need her and she isn’t there.
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Both sides are valid points at the end of the day it’s your call how important it is to be there and what’s best for your daughter and while I’ll remember that may seem childish I think she gets a pass she lost her Mom and now her best friend who’s suppose to be her person of support is saying sorry not coming I’d be hurt too even if I understood personally no way I wouldn’t make it
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My husbands grandmother passed away 2 days ago. I told him to go without me just for that same reason we have a 1 year old. Come on no power of life could keep her quiet that long and not become the center of attention. Plus pulling my husband away to help out. Its not mean or nasty or the baby card. Wtf. Baby card is she a mother? . she dose know there is no off switch just bc its a funeral?. Your trying to be respectful. Dont hold any shame.
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Yeah I was on her side until she said “I will remember this” that is abusive and toxic and threating. Fuck that - cut her off
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How old is your daughter? Like literally you know no one else that will be at the funeral? I’m sure someone would hold her if needed depending on how old she is. You left her age out. I’m sure she would snooze most of the ride there and back. 1 child yes can be a handful. I guess you should ask your self how valuable your friendship is?? Yes your daughter is important but I don’t think it will be that bad to take her. Is the funeral going to be hours long? To where your daughter would really act that bad and act up??? You couldn’t bring anything to occupy her??? You make it sound like you let your daughter run wild and she can’t be contained. Like I said how important is this friendship? She shouldn’t have said she’ll remember this but I’m sure she’s hurting and is counting on you being there for her since she no longer has her mom.
I would go. Your best friend needs you. Your little one would be there if it were a family member. To me a best friend is family.
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Do what you can, if you feel you kid will be too distracting then try to mak3 out another time. If she is your best friend she will understand that sometimes shit happens in life and not everyine can always drop everything at the same time and stuff comes up… just try to be there in different ways
Kids absolutely come first but I would give it a try with Baby if your friend is ok with it. Worst that’ll happen is you need to leave the service early. Make sure Baby is fed, burped, and has a clean diaper before and it should be fine. Bring snacks if she’s old enough.
And the car ride excuse is lame, IMO. My 4 kids, my husband, and I all travel 4.5 hours every other weekend. We’ve been doing this for 3 years. They’re 8, 7, and two are 4.
I lost my mom and I needed my best friends. Someone who understands you like no other that you can be vulnerable with. I personally would go, you don’t have to stay long if you’re daughter is losing her mind. But people love babies, she may even help for a few smiles. It’s a long drive but she’s right, she’ll never forget that moment and if you were there. 
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Doesn’t sound like much of a friend. Cut your losses
It really depends on the kids age. I’ve gone to two funerals with mine at around 1yr and 3yrs and both I wasn’t even able to be in the service because he was way too loud and distracting, also I can say in the heat it’s so much harder to do. Had to sit in the car at the grave side for the second one and it was miserable. And that much riding in the car in a short time and alone sucks with little ones no matter how much they sleep because of the millions of bathroom breaks and eating and cramps. It’s hard, so if you don’t think you can do it alone, don’t let anyone guilt you for it. Try to go down before or after when your husband can watch them, or you have a little more time to make the trip and not have to worry about the little one being disruptive.
She won’t understand until she has a baby. Neither do most people here who side with her. Children are unpredictable. I’d have gone just to show her how hard it is and expect her to help if she was actually my friend. Saying you’re playing the “baby card” is mean and not understanding to you, so it’s pretty hard for me to understand her when she mentioned it. I don’t think she’s a good friend at all.
Anyone who cant understand you not wanting to drive 4 hours one way by yourself with your child is just crazy! That alone is a valid reason! It’s a tough situation but at the end of the day YOUR CHILD is more important than any friendship and if you lose a friend over that then they were never a true friend!
Idunno, if it were someone i loved that passed, I’d want to say my goodbyes, regardless of having children.
Since when do we get to take off and leave our kids because they are too much work to handle by ourselves?! Pull your big girl panties up and be a woman.
Go … be there… take your daughter. It will be ok.
Don’t worry about it!
Yeah hopefully she remembers it when she has a baby of her own and will be like oh shit she was right
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If it was my best friend that lost her mother I’d be there with my child or not. If it wasn’t a super close friend or the death was a more distant relative then I would probably skip it and stay home.
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With it being yr bestfriend I’d be there fr her no matter if you hv to bring yr kid or not.
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I think you should support your friend - with or without your child
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Depends a toddler running around at a service isn’t right either …
Loosing your mom is difficult enough… Not having your best friend there to support you is another blow… I’d figure out a way to make it work… ask someone to come along to watch baby or something… I hope you work it iuty
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I think she’s just hurting. Don’t take it to heart, but do make sure to do something special for her to let you know that you are with her in spirit. You have to do what’s right for you.
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It’s your BEST friend’s MOTHER. I have an 11month old and I’m a single Mom w 3 dogs, I’d find a way. If I were your best friend, I’d never speak to you again. As long as she doesn’t mind your kid being there, I’d go.
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Lil one would probably be a welcome distraction.
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Don’t listen to her. You’re in the right. #1 it’s too damn hot out for a baby to just be sitting in the sun for a while #2 any child under the age of like 8 shouldn’t be attending funerals. And I use that specific number very loosly.
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It sounds like she need your support, I would just go and bring your daughter
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But can I ask why they’ve waited so long for the burial?
I lost both my parents not even 3 years apart. And my friends all have kids and brought them with them whenever they helped me do something. I didn’t care, but having them there was so helpful and important to me. If you decide you can’t make it I suggest getting her something special. Loosing your mom isn’t easy.
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She obviously hasnt got a baby.
I think your friend needs you right now or child or an old child. Make it work so you don’t have regret. If She was upset that you were not coming that tells me that she needs you.
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I wouldn’t go either if I couldn’t find childcare .
I’m not saying how she’s gone about it is right. But if it was me, I would want my best friend there with or without her child. She needs your support. I took my baby to my grandfathers funeral. Just take lots of things to amuse the little one and lots of snacks. X
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I have similar. My sister in law said no kids and had someone to take care of kids. My son is special needs so I couldnt go. She was hurt. Only time will help. She is grieving and is trying to cope.
You should go. Even if your toddler starts acting out, you can take her outside. Your friend clearly needs you. She won’t be there for you if you need her when you weren’t there for her in her darkest hour. Just go. Your friend will understand if you had to spend time outside with your child, because she knows she matters enough to be there for her.
Your child won’t remember being inconvenienced but your friendship will never forget. Maybe you aren’t her best friend if you cannot understand.
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I couldn’t make it from NY to FL when my Best Friend’s Mom died. She was ill and we knew it was coming and I was planning to be able to go. But between a coastal storm and my son starting school, it was just too chaotic. My best friend understood the circumstances had changed and we were both sad I couldn’t be there. But she understood.
It would be so uncomfortable to have people staring because the baby crying… You can’t stop a baby from crying and stuff but yeah…
If it was actually my best friend I would bring my child… loosing a parent is going to be hard enough on her and then not having somebody that should have her back not there is kinda like a stab in the back…if it was just like a friend not my best friend then I wouldn’t do that but if it was my best friend I’d make it work … but that’s me 
you do what you feel the need to … just don’t be surprised if you get cut off for a little bit the sting of that sort of thing will take some time to forgive
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I bawled when I couldn’t go to my best friends grandmas funeral 8 hours away because I knew how bad she was hurting. I ended up going a few weeks later to be there for her. She once knew I was going through a depression while we were in high school and had her dad drive 14 hours to surprise me on my birthday so I didn’t feel alone. She was in town only 24 hours because I just needed her. Best friends are there for one another during their weakest moments. She will always remember the one person she thought could be her rock, didn’t. It’s killing my best friend not being here for the birth of my son because I live in a hot spot for the virus, and her work would make her quarantine for 14 days when she got back. So me and my husband plan to visit her when he’s a month or so old. I know when I lose my mom I will be so lost and distraught. I’ll need her more than ever. I’d do anything in the world for my best friends, and they’d do the same for me.
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She needs you. She is telling you she needs you. It’s up to you to decide what you do with that info. But she has let you know your decision matters.
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Being in the friends exact shoes you should be there!! I had to wait 3 months for my dads funeral my friend couldn’t be bothered with attending and she was 15 mins away! And take the kid! Some may find it a refreshing distraction.
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I’m just curious why wait months after a death before burial . I understand the frustration if it was right after it happen but this woman had months and I’m sure her best friend has been supportive throughout.
8 hours away and two days drive is hard and very stressful and seems to me to be very dangerous. I know love ones who have died trying to make it to funeral. I say you are making the best choice for you and your daughter and if you dont think you can’t do it then dont.
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Sounds like to me, your best friend wants and needs you there for support. So suck it up and make it happen! She needs you. Fussy kids are part of life and if she bothers anyone so be it, it’s life!
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My best friends husband died and I took two weeks off of work and practically moved in with her and her kids to help however I could. When tragedy strikes you don’t get to make things about you, you step up for the ones you love despite the inconvenience it is on your life. If I was her and you didn’t go I would seriously question your place in my life.
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I think if you honestly want to go but are afraid about the child situation, go back and speak with her gently tell her it was only out of consideration for her and others who may be grieving but if she is fine to have her there and understands you ya duck out if she becomes disturbing then you would be there for her.
On a side note when we love someone as a close friend we owe no man but to love so I don’t think there shouldn’t be conditioning on a friendship (if you don’t come “I’ll remember this “) there still needs to be considerable understanding on your situation,go because you love her and want to support her not because you feel obligated
I don’t think kids should go to funeral. Maybe your husband can take day or two so you can go.
If that was my best friend I wouldn’t care if it took me a day. I’m going.
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If my bff mom passed no questions I would be there kids or no kids.
But my BEST friend would never speak to me that way either. “Baby card”…she may be hurting to care about a filter…
Plus, my bff would want to see my kids regardless of the circumstance.
I would step out when needed or sit in the back row. I have gone to a funeral with 2 littles before. It was not the easiest thing to do but the older people enjoyed seeing them. Snacks and something to distract them. Even if it is a tablet with no sound.
Do what you gotta do mama.
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Naw you’re just not a good friend. If she was my friend I’d just take my kid & make sure she wakes up super early & burns a bunch of energy so she will sleep through the services.
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If it would cause you hardship to go then dont go. Tell your bff you will come up and spend a few days with her when you have a babysitter. You can still be there for her without actually being there. A true best friend would put herself in your shoes instead of being selfish.
Take an extra day-leave a day early and break it up in hours, so your daughter will get some “out of the car” time.
Tell your BF that you ate coming , that you have to bring your daughter and if she acts up, everyone will just have to deal with it. Your BF can make a decision from there. She can stop the “uglynlooks” byntelling anyone offended it was more important that you be there for her. Then, dont worry about the other people.
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We all have kids sometimes they have to come with us yes babys are difficult sometimes so i say drop the baby card
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Interesting question. Depends on how old your daughter is. If too small and the whole trip may affect her health - keeping covid in mind as well as all the interactions you may have - then stay home.
If shes old enough to sit calmly and not tire herself out and wouldnt get ill as a result of the long drive and heat - then go
Your decisions should be based on your daughters well being. Not your friend not her beloved passing away and not you. That’s how I see it.
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Your friend needs you.
Find a sitter! She’s your best friend! Pay a sitter!!!
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I think the reason why she expects you to go and be by her side during this tragic moment…child and all…is because she believes she would do it for you and cant understand why cant you do it for her. My culture is different and funeral are community gatherings with children…toddlers…babys etc. so i would go in a heart beat. My child can be inconvenienced for 1 day… and the child will probably forget about it…but your friend will never forget who was there for her and who wasnt…
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I’ve taken my 4 daughters and my nephew to my dad’s funeral 2 years ago. Do you think it was easy for me? No it wasn’t. Suck it up and be there for her. Sound like you just don’t wanna go. Might as well be direct and tell her like that that you rather not go.
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My son went to his fathers funeral at a year old. It was hot. Hard. But she needs you there for her…
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Im sorry to say this but I drove 11 hrs in a car straight with 4 kids. We stopped 2 times to get gas, use the restroom and get food from a gas station. The youngest was 6 at the time, then the others were 9, 11 and 17. I also did an 8 hr drive to Florida straight to see my best friend with my kids once again in that same yr. Your kid will sleep for the most part and if u leave out early and prepare yourself u should be fine. Drink coffee or an energy drink or something. Take snacks, and stop to let ur kid go to the bathroom. Your friend needs u. Im sure there are other kids at that funeral as well. Be there for her. Show her you live and care for her. This is a sad situation. Theres always a way if u make a way.
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Your best friend needs you. Many understand the behavior during these difficult times of a toddler.
It would be acceptable for you and your little during the car ride singalongs, talking about things outside the window, or if needed an IPad. During the service she will be interested in others around her or in a special coloring book with stickers. Make the trip a special occasion for lots of hugs, love, and if needed “chocolates” for baby girl. Don’t make it stressful make it easy by being prepared. Lots of luck 
It’s a one time thing… your friend needs you, whether it is inconvenient or not… she needs you. Take your daughter and go.
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I think funerals and viewings traumatize kids…at least it did me when I was a kid
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I feel like if you are that close you can suck it up and go. You’re not wanting to deal with a crying kid kn the car and the hassle of the trip for 2 days yet she is facing something she has to live with the rest if her life… loosing her mother. Single parents do it all the time. I feel that if you truly wanted to be there you would make it happen. This is coming from a single mom of 2.
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I took my 2 young children to my dads funeral in feb one just under 2 the other 2 weeks if they had made a noise tough it was their grandad your bff needs you to be with her
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If you care for this friend at all, you need to go. If your kid starts acting up, politely get up and go in the back. Leave right after the funeral, let your friend know.
Of course she’s upset, she lost her Mom plus probably dealing with family stuff also. Sometimes you just need your bestie when your sad. I’m sure you would want her there if you lost a close loved one
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Her mom died. Let her be mad. Grief makes us angry and unpredictable
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You’re totally pulling the baby card.
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I drove 2400 miles with 3 kids all under the age of 5 for a funeral. I said I would be there. I was there. Back a bag of snacks and stuff she likes and be the shoulder your friend is needing.
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She has every right to feel that way, when my best friends father passed, if i couldn’t get childcare my daughter was coming with me to the funeral. This is very selfish.
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Isn’t in amazing that if it was a vacation so to speak I bet it wouldn’t be an issue her being in the car etc. Death sucks. But as someone who lost their mom and had no one but my best friend. I can say with my whole heart. GO take your daughter and go. Because that’s what BEST friends do
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