I just want to state in advance that I have nothing against homosexuals whatsoever, I’m just a little confused and unsure how to feel about this particular situation…
Today, we spent christmas at my in-law’s, for the first time since my husband and I have been married… just a little background info- it’s a small town so these people have all known each other their entire lives… So my husband’s (step)sister’s husband happens to be a very very close friend to my husband… (since they were born, according to him)…
anyways… throughout the entire day they were, like, cuddling… and stepsister’s husband was caressing my husband’s hand and thigh… at first I sincerely thought it was a joke and they were just being funny. Well, they weren’t. He says they’ve always been like that because they’re like brothers and grew up together.
Here’s the thing, I come from a SUPER dysfunctional screwed up family so I have no idea where to draw any lines to be perfectly honest but for some reason this is just not sitting well with me!! I couldn’t tell you why… it just feels… idk… weird?? I sort of brought it up to my husband when we got home, at first to see if they were just being funny or if he was trying to mess around but he basically told me that wasn’t the case him and i joke with each other a lot so i did make a few jokes about it with him just to gauge his reaction and the first few times he just kind of went with it and tried to laugh it off and then got super defensive about it and i really could not tell you why this is bothering me so badly but it is.
i guess my question would be: is this normal behavior for two grown men (in their 40s) if they grew up together and are super close? orr is this weird?.. he’s not like that with any of his actual brothers or other relatives so it just rubs me the wrong way. maybe i’m just reading too much into it… i have a tendency of doing that at times… opinions please…?
Girl run it’s definitely what you think it is and he wasn’t showing this same affection with his wife .Nope 
he probably g@y , I say go thru his phone, and find out the truth this aint nun ima jus let sit and guess about.
Nahhhh, that’s weird. I’ve NEVER seen two grown men EVER do that the most they do is hug for a spilt second, dab or something. They bumping and grinding behind your back girl. I would NOT be okay with that…
That’s not normal. At all.
You’re not reading too much into it. Guys do not cuddle with their guy friends and they don’t rub their hands and thighs either. He could be gay but he could also be bisexual. He needs to be honest with you.
Listen to your gut 
Uh yeah something is off there for sure.
Seems off for sure. What does step sister think? I might ask her if she noticed too!
Sorry sweetie, but that’s definitely not normal 
Always listen to your gut.
Nope, I’d be having a serious conversation with him.
Doesn’t seem normal to me….
Yeah, he’s didling the bro and probably has been since they were teens
Grown straight men do not cuddle or caress other men period.
Definitely not normal at all. Even more Sick they do it because they are like brothers and grown up together BIG red very Weird
Not normal not even for brothers
Just because it’s not normal to most doesn’t mean it’s not normal to them and for they Grew up 
. I would tread lightly because if that is how they just are and you ask he is going to be super upset you insinuated something else.
Sorry, but that is not normal behavior between two straight men.
Idk. My friends and I are all grown and super cuddly, touchy-feely. If you’re uncomfortable have a serious talk with him, but some friends can be just that close.
Yea that’s definitely a red flag. I would just ask him. Do the rude about it but understanding. He might be bisexual
I think the best way to look at this is to apply it across the board. Is it appropriate for your significant other to cuddle with someone who he isn’t related to? Regardless of who it is, the interaction isn’t appropriate at all. No one but you should be stroking your husband’s thigh, I don’t care how “long” it’s been done. Hopefully, he can be honest with you and both of you can move on
I think you know the truth.
Trust yourself and your intuition. Don’t second guess your gut.
This doesn’t sound kosher.
You saw what you saw.
If it walks like a duck and it talks like a duck. It’s a duck.
It’s unusual in our culture, but it definitely sucks that straight dudes are expected to meet some standard of masculinity. Some of these comments are such a bummer.
My brother & my ol man work together. My brother will literally run across the shop & jump on my ol man, at which point my ol man will catch him (think of a child running towards an adult & jumping to have them catch them- that’s exactly what it is, but with 125# and 300+# full grown men) & they’ll start air humping each other. They’ll periodically rub each other’s nipples, slap each other’s asses, etc. They’re an odd bunch, but they crack me up. My best friend and I will go over to each other’s houses just to climb into bed with each other & take a nap, we also have a tendency to cuddle while we watch movies & stuff too. I’ve helped her shower & wipe her butt when she wasn’t able bodied do it herself, & same with her with me. I’d go around this earth a gazillion times for her. She’s been my best friend over 25 years.
Nope. They probably messed around when they were younger.
I mean you’re married so hes never been around his brother in law before? Is this new behavior? I’d say the way you’re describing it seems out of the norm for your husband and so clearly theres something a rye. Idk though
Yup…something isn’t right. I have never known a guy to be like that with another guy unless they are gay…
Nah not normal at all…it doesn’t matter if it’s a man or a woman. He shouldn’t be touching anyone but you like that. Inappropriate and disrespectful. Also…I’m curious how the sister in law reacted ?
My husband would say this is not normal for a straight man
They have had a 3some that’s just to close for comfort
I think you know the answer
My husband has friends he’s had for 40 years and he’s never done that
When I’m comfortable with someone, I pat, hug and touch them when I’m around them. Male or female especially if I’ve known them for years. I’ve been accused of all kinds of things and none of them are true. However, if my spouse sat down and told me it made him uncomfortable, I would try to not do it. Even if they did do something in the past, it’s in the past. I was also raised in dysfunction so I get the internal battle. When you plan another event with this guy, make sure you remind your husband that it makes you uncomfortable and see what happens. If he is gay but chose to marry you because of his love for YOU, is that so horrible?
They fucked girl that’s not normal
Uhhh that’s weird. If they were joking I’m sure after a certain point they would of laughed and stopped. Not normal at all.
Well homophobes, and people insecure with 2 grown men showing affection will tell you it’s not and he’s cheating.
I however have a weird ass group of friends comfortable with their sexuality, and it is totally normal in my friend group to see 2 people of the same sex platonically cuddling or showing affection. In fact in other countries we’re the abnormal ones because we usually aren’t affectionate with our friends.
Very close people may hug /touch on meeting regardless of gender…fair enough…but this sounds like more than just close friends.
Is he a touchy feely person with everyone or just this guy ?
I do have friends who have lived a straight life, got married, had a family then went on to have gay relationships. I had one with children who stated he may go back to living straight as it caused less problems
Personally id like to think my partner would have been honest about his past life if he’d been a sexually active gay man before he met me so that we could discuss what that meant for the future of our relationship.
Past is past but why would he want to hide his true self and live straight …
That is definitely strange and not normal. I would talk to him about it and tell him it makes you uncomfortable.
Mine would punch a friend for caressing his thigh 
They’re into each other and Def done something this isn’t normal behavior at all
Nothing normal about it…unless they’re a couple!! Married people (any sex) shouldn’t cuddle ANYONE else outside the marriage (any sex) .
Your conscience is telling you something’s wrong. Listen to it. This is not acceptable behavior.
VERY strange indeed! 
I had four brothers in all and they had friends over alot and never have I ever seen any of them caress each other’s hands or cuddle! They would probably punch the other one for even trying and yes they grew up w their friends in a small town. There is something to this. He might be bi. I would also ask his parents and siblings ab this they probably know more than u . Just to see how the relatives react to a question like that will be interesting. I know three couples that married women to cover up they r gay and cheated the entire marriage. Now all three have came out and divorced the ladies and live w men. It went on for years tho huge coverup
I bet they had a secret relationship and still have that connection til this day!!!
If your gut is telling something is wrong, if you feel like something is off… it is.
This not normal in my opinion.
He is secretly into him. That’s weird as sh*t.
Not normal at all. Ask the step sister how she feels about it. My husband doesn’t hug many male friends.
It would seem a bit off to me. I have a lot of close friends that I’ve grown up with and am still friends with. We don’t do that. I will hug them or tell them I love them but that’s it. It seems a bit over the line imo.
Have you been around the two of them before? Like has he been over to your house? I would assume if they are really really good friends they spend a lot of time together?
I don’t believe this is normal in any way.
My husband has had the same group of friends since they were tiny kids (we’re in our mid 30s now). I’ve been with him 8 years and not once have I ever seen him do this with any of his friends. Everyone is different and I try to keep that in mind but I wouldn’t be ok with this.
Now on another hand my 10 year old son and his best friend play around and goof off and “cuddle” but they’re also only 10 and 11. This is a tough one .
Totally weird not normal
Tell him it’s time to clean out his closet
Weird! Every right to be uncomfortable
They have most likely been together at some point and maybe still are. I have one friend I hug and we have known each other since we were seven years old. Our hugs are not long and drawn out either I might add. Nothing against homosexuals and I feel the same way as you on that but this is your relationship though too and infidelity is the same whether your current husband cheats with a woman or with another male.
Not normal behavior for a married man.
Don’t be in denile too long but he is under cover bisexual in my opinion
Follow your guts… lot a DL brothers out there… just saying…
That’s not normal at all.
He’s bisexual and he was cheating right in front of you.
The first line stood out to me “spent Christmas at in laws for first time since being married” how long have you been married? If they are so close, why haven’t you been around them and seen them interact previously? And is there a reason he kept you away from the in laws and the friend for holidays thus far… the situation seems a bit off… I’d definitely be asking him more questions.
Good luck mama!
That isn’t “normal” behavior for grown men. I don’t think you are looking or thinking too far into it. I would be sitting down and having a gentle, open conversation about it
If your gut is telling you then you know the right answer. Hand in there!
This is nothing to do with masculinity and everything to do with appropriate behaviour. I have brothers and lots of male friends and they’ll pat backs and hug if comfort is needed but this sounds much more than that. It sounds like intimate touching which is making you uncomfortable. It also sounds like it’s just between the two rather than how your husband behaves in general with brothers/friends. If it really wasn’t done as a joke I’d have a conversation with your husband. If he’s gay or bi then that’s fine but he should be honest with you. It’s not fair to hide behind a marriage if he wants to pursue other relationships regardless of whether it’s with another man or woman. He might be afraid or feeling ashamed so maybe support rather than accusations? What does your SIL say about it? Surely she’s noticed?
Super…strange especially since they’re family & both have wives there with them 
I would be questioning it too so don’t feel bad!
Mine does this with some of his friends. I guarantee it could mean nothing. But always trust your gut.
Dont judge someone elses friendship as “weird” because it’s not something you would do. It’s okay for females to do that with their friends and not be judged right? Don’t judge him
Ok. Let’s turn this around.
Do you sit snuggled up with your best friend stroking their thigh and hand or would that seem weird?
Brothers don’t “caress” each other!
You know the answer
In my opinion this isn’t normal behavior and your husband may be bisexual which is totally fine but you need to set ground rules for what is and is not behavior you’re comfortable with.
Ask yourself if it was a woman that did that to him…how would you feel?
Because it’s exactly the same. Intimate touching is sexual, no matter if it’s a male or a female doing it.
Sound the alarms I would think that maybe in the past these two guys have had an affair because both of them knew the boundaries and went ahead anyway there is an attraction there he could be bisexual he could be fighting that he’s a closet gay but go with your gut keep your eyes and your ears open check his phone to see if there’s been any contacts since Christmas or on the side or if they’re meeting up somewhere I would be very suspicious hun
He’s GAAAYYY!!!
No one does that shit. Man I swear this doesn’t take rocket science to figure out. It’s common sense he’s into to the dude. I’m sure being a straight man he wouldn’t be doing that with other dudes. Even heterosexual people who are into each other do these things 
they’re into each other. Confront him about it and if he gets defensive there’s your answer 
So just flat out ask him. Ya not gonna get any answers here - I’m sure you weren’t the only one who noticed. Maybe he has a past you don’t know about - whatever it is only one way you are gonna find out.
Between two straight men, I’d expect a handshake, 1-2 second hug, or pat on the back or shoulder. Since it makes you uncomfortable, and without joking about it, I’d talk to your husband about it again, calmly and privately. With that kind of touching you described, how frequent, and in front of others at a gathering, I would also immediately think they were both bisexual —least at one point in their lives. As his wife, I’d think you deserve to know this but without judgement. 
Personally I think there is nothing wrong with men showing affection and cuddling. To me this could be nothing more then two guys who are close sharing affection.
I used to do the same thing with my female friends and it was never anything beyond friendship or friend love.
If it bothers you talk to him and ask him about it more in depth and tell him about why it feels uncomfortable for you. But also just because it’s new doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Have you spoken to your SIL? What does she say?
Me reading this right now
I’ve never seen that behavior with straight guys. The few times I thought I did, they all ended up coming out of the closet…
It is weird. Caressing hands? And thighs? Not common at all.
In this situation, it seems like there may be more to their relationship than just friends. Maybe they are more into one another than they want to tell you, but he needs to be 100 percent honest with you.
The fact that you’re asking means it’s not normal to you. There is nothing wrong with trusting your gut.
It sounds to me like he may be bi. That would be the only reason I could come up with an explanation for why he is like this with this particular friend and nobody else. My boys do not caress one anothers legs. They are all very close in age, too.
Talk to him in private about it and have an open mind. He may feel awkward telling you about their specific relationship that isn’t “normal” to you, but he needs to be honest with you, himself, and his friend about what is really going on because it’s definitely more than just friends.
I personally don’t think you’re overthinking this. It’s very strange to me as well.
It’d make me uncomfortable, and not at all in a homophobic way. I’d be just as uncomfortable if the person was a female.
Bottom line, if it makes you uncomfortable he should respect your feelings and not do that anymore
Would it be weird if he was caressing another woman’s hand or thigh, when he has a wife? Yes. Same goes for this situation.
These comments are gross and sad 
so many homophobic people here
Ummmm…this is where you make an enormous scene ….
Not normal at all! I think u already know this. Be careful seems like he’s in the closet.
I would be uncomfortable with my husband caressing anyone else besides me regardless if it was a man or woman.
Uhhh sorry that’s not normal I know plenty of men that have known each other their entire lives and they don’t act that way
I don’t know. I know alot of men who do that stuff jokingly. I’d honestly just have a talk with him. No one on the internet can give you definte answers to this, only you husband.
Maybe talk to the step sis about it?
I’d wanna watch… I mean come on… does everything now a days have to be a scandal. If he wants to wet his willy in his best friend. Pull up a chair and pop some popcorn girl. Damn… Just saying.
That’s extremely inappropriate. To me that is cheating. Regardless of gender, you do not cuddle or caress people who aren’t your wife.
My best friend and I do that all the time.
Not normal. I don’t believe in the term homophobic or transphobic. I believe we are allowed to disagree and think it’s not normal. I believe others can love it encourage it however they please it’s just not for our household to think it’s normal and okay. I would flat out ask him that would make me sick to see my man acting that way with another dude nope not okay not normal yuck lol not here to judge others this is my personal opinion and I’m not sorry.
No they are together together I think your husband may be gay or bisexual sorry
No this is not normal … id never do that with my best friend/sister.
There’s definitely some funky business going on.
To each their own , however don’t be greedy pick one or the other.!
Honestly everyone is different so it may entirely be a joke to them, but to everyone else it’s not some people joke like that