Well here we are almost 2 years later and he now drinks 8-9 beers every night. (Never liquor.) He doesn’t abuse me or our children. He isn’t a messy drunk either. He is short tempered though. If I ask him to do a favor, he gets angry if it isn’t a simple task. His skin has turned bright red now & on the weekends, he chooses to start drinking around 1pm and go until 9pm. It’s hard to do activities with him because once he drinks, it’s hard to get him off the couch. I tell him that I’m worried about his excessive drinking but he says he’s fine and that he will “cut back soon.” Financially, we’re doing okay. No issues in the bedroom. We’re in our 20’s and this is new to me. So I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has experienced alcoholism with themself or with loved ones and if this is the start to something more serious down the road? Or if I’m just being dramatic about it.
As an individual who has experienced problems with drinking myself (beer only too), the only advice I feel appropriate, is for you to focus on yourself. You can’t tell your husband that he’s abusing and/or an alcoholic because it wouldn’t do any good anyway.
I suggest you try Alanon which is for those who have a family member who is an alcohol abuser/addict. Don’t focus on trying to get your husband help … focus on you and your children, and the help available to you, so you can make healthy choices/boundaries. Alanon will empower you to be steadfast in your journey. As the adage says, “Let go and let God” - put your trust in a higher power that whatever is meant to be - will be.
Best of luck to you!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is my husband an alcoholic or am I overreacting?
Alcoholic. Daily drinking period is considered a problem. That many he needs to stop before it causes lifelong health problems. My husband struggled with drinking like this and I eventually told him to choose his family or alcohol bc I wouldn’t bury him at 40 he atopped
Yes it’s something to be concerned about.i was in a relationship for 15years with a drinker and it only gets worse.
My husband had a drinking issue I eventually had to tell him it’s the alcohol or me. He started with the drinking like you said then it went to more and anger issues and mouthy very bad. I told him he had to choose. He chose me and has been 2 years sober!
I would be very surprised if he does keep control. This situation will only get worse unless he cuts down NOW. My husband is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. I know the signs. This is basically all of the signs in one. He is am alcoholic. This isn’t normal.
Im not sure if he is or isn’t. If it really bothers you I would talk to him. You might look up Alanon online, its for families of drinkers.
Trust me, speaking from experience, it will get worse. Encourage him to figure himself and this issue out.
Yeah, sounds like alcoholism, or at least the beginning of it. He should see a doctor about the bright red skin though. Sounds like his blood pressure is high.
I mean, yes… it’s the beginning that’s for sure.
Drinking every day is a problem I’d tell him he needs to see someone or you are done.
Is he an alcoholic? …I couldn’t say but I suspect he’s becoming dependant and its time to stop. If he doesn’t stop he will get to the stage that he cant…alcoholism…
Unfortunately, it is progressive.
Take care of yourself and your children.
Active addiction withoout acknowledged need for help is a wicked heartbreak for loved ones
Alcoholic who doesn’t want to admit to it. He’s not gonna atop.
Me and my husband were both alcoholics and we would drink till we passed out and as soon as we were up we would start drinking. Keep a close eye on him and watch what he’s drinking. It dose start off like this and turns worse. Hope he can get the help he needs before it’s too late
Oh no… This is bad news. This is just the beginning. Unless he is a very strong-willed and determined person and he can get real with himself. I personally have been through this with my ex partner. It was the worst time of my life. 8 years. I loved him so of course I wasn’t just going to give up and I made excuses for him and I allowed it to go on for way too long. But in the end it’s only misery within that relationship. Do not have children whatever you do! I’m not kidding. This is the beginning of a long life of having to realize that you cannot have a casual relationship with alcohol. Very very sad. Alcohol is the worst! It literally ruins even the best of people. And it definitely ruins families. I think it’s the worst because it’s essentially legal and on every street corner store. Please do not take this lightly. This is very serious stuff. And honestly it only gets worse. Sometimes these types of people will tell you what you want to hear but when it comes down to the time when they need to put the bottle down for good they will make excuses after excuses.
He’s a borderline alcoholic and getting progressively worse. He needs help before something happens. PM me if you need to, I’ve been through the same thing.
Alcoholic, I lived with one for many years and was married to one
I promise it will get worse
8-9 beers a day is definitely alcoholism. And it’s taking around $100/week from your family. He needs to do medical detox and seek help through meetings and counseling. SMART recovery has Zoom meetings all day every day if he’s not into the 12 step stuff but they are online too. I wish I could have quit in my 20s. Sober 4 years tomorrow.
Yes he’s an alcoholic. It’s an addiction, and he will not stop until he’s ready for a change. However, you can also choose what you’re willing to accept and not accept in your household and relationship. I suggest having a talk with him, and ask him the root of why he drinks. It could be depression, anxiety, stress etc. I would also highly recommend that he make an appointment with his physician, if his outsides are showing clinical signs, then so are his inner organs. Hearing liver damage can be a huge wake up call. There are also medications to help wean off alcohol, as well as possibly treat any underlying condition your husband may have like depression. Support him, but don’t enable. Addiction is unfortunately a family disease and not one that’s easily treated. It takes a lot of time, patience and work. I hope he finds healing.
I’m an addict in recovery (6yrs in April) and my hubs is also in recovery and this is NOT uncommon for the pandemic. He’s called a functional alcoholic. And truth be told it will probably get worse before it gets better. He not u or anyone else HE HIMSELF has to hit rock bottom. It sucks for u and he doesn’t realize it yet but it sucks for him. Weather it be beer or liquor he will need to detox slowly and very carefully at home because u can die from alcohol withdrawal. I don’t mean to scare u I’m just being honest. Bot my parents drank beer my whole life M-F 5pm til they passed out and on weekends after their cup of coffee/tea til they passed out. Im the oldest of 4 n we always had what we needed n most of what we wanted and a roof BUT I didn’t know until I went to AA, detox, rehab,ect. that they where alcoholics and it isn’t a good way to live. If talking doesn’t help you have to take action for u and yr kids weather it’s separating u til he gets sober or him going away to get clean. Alonon I heard works wonders for family of alcoholics/addicts and even if he went to an AA meeting he will hear something that will help even if he doesn’t realize it at the time
Hes a functioning alcoholic. My dad was too. My mom made a deal with him that he can drink nonalcoholic beer instead. Tastes the same.
He’s already one foot down a slippery slope. He’s gotta start cutting back now before he causes damage to his body.
Sounds like he’s either depressed and that’s how he’s numbing his pain. Just from past experiences…that’s what I would guess is going on with him
I lost my fiance to cirrhosis of the liver & all the stuff we went thru was horrible. I have promised myself I wld never be with an alcoholic again. Thank God we didn’t have children I didn’t want any because if the situation no good. It’s easier said then done ur going to do what u feel not what anyone tells you because we love them but just make it a point ur not going to put up with it. Make him seek some help always try tonwork on that so he knows he can’t get worse it’s not good I promise u it’s a miserable life & if he don’t want to do any activities now image in a year
Definitely an alcoholic, the treatment of you and the kids will only get worse
This is how it starts unfortunately.
Functional alcoholic and it will get worse before it gets better, get him help now if possible but he may have to slowly cut back bc alcohol is dangerous to withdrawal
Anyone who has to drink daily is dependent. You’ve said it has increased. It’ll probably increase more. Promising to “cut back” or stop drinking is common. It shuts you up for awhile. Its always false promises though. He won’t slow down. Hell increase. He needs to want help or nothing will help.
This is just the beginning. If he doesn’t stop, leave. He will destroy your life & your kids lives. If he’s depressed he can see a Dr.
It will only get worse. My ex was a social worker who started just like that…11 years down the drain. Alcohol over everything, including his 3 kids.
If one has to drink everyday …this person is an alcoholic…
That’s about 63 beers per week. Yeah, I’d say he has a problem lol. Just because it’s not liquor, it’s still alcohol.
It definitely is the start of something
Sounds likes it has progressed already. 8 to 9 beers a day is alcoholic doesn’t matter that it’s not liquor.
He’s turning to alcohol to cope. That’s an alcoholic. Honestly, sounds like a coping mechanism for depression. He needs to see a counselor, needs to understand what he’s fighting against, and has to want to stop drinking to focus on getting him mental health in a good place
It’s boring cus of lock downs and places was shut so alot of people justw Anna buy a drink at home n chill but now he should start to cut back
Save all the cans up everyday bag th up and then after a week leave on the side n show him
He better stop now but he will have to won’t to stop for his self or he will not stop sorry but to answer your question he is an alcoholic and it sounds like he is digging deeper he needs to stop now
Definitely will get worse if not helped very soon! Me and my children lost their father due to his alcohol abuse. He was only 41 when he passed after he had some ruptures in his esophagus and had a heart attack during a procedure to repair them. Ended with him in a coma for over a week but after 10 minutes with no oxygen his brain never recovered and we had to take him off life support. His sons were only 17, 12 and 10 at the time and it was absolutely devastating. I’d tried for a good 14 years to help him and force him and beg him until I finally left him and he died a few months after. You’re not being dramatic trust your gut!
6 pack, to a 12 pack, then onto to a 30. It only gets better when they decide to seek the help.
My husband buys a 4 pack every 2-3 weeks that lasts him a few days. He had a stressful job, our finances aren’t the best and we have a new baby on the way. If that doesn’t make him turn to drink then I don’t know what will. They’re not excuses, unfortunately your husband is drinking excessively on a regular basis and that for me does signal an alcoholic. Maybe speak to family to see if they can help or support you in confronting him about it. Good luck
Drinking everyday is not normal .
8-9 beers a day? Alcoholism. It will only get worse from here.
Can he go 1 or 2 days/ nights without drinking? If not then yes there is a problem
Yes it doesnt matter the type of alcohol. You need to figure out how it makes you feel and clearly communicate that to him while he is sober. My personal thing is that it’s ok to drink in the evening on the “weekend” or whatever off day. If it is interfering it is a problem you should be able to relax together. If it becomes a huge issue and he doesn’t want to work with you you do NOT have to put up with that. Everyone has their own ideas of what’s healthy and what isn’t but he should be willing to listen to you and your concerns. You need to be calm and patient approaching this he may be having depression issues. Just because you think things are not stressful doesn’t mean he doesn’t have stuff going on. If he cannot control his drinking he needs to seek help or you need to remove yourself from the toxic situation. Having a couple a day is alot different than getting drunk. You are right to have thoes types of boundaries.
If you would have said one or two beers a night I would have said maybe you’re overreacting because you said all other aspects of life are fine. But 8 or 9 every night seems like a lot or like it could be headed down a path of alcoholism. I would start with a compromise to see if he can in fact cut down. As him to drink no more than 4 beers a night. Or better yet only 2 beers a work night and then a 6 pack on weekends. Or a case of 24 that must last him 7 days ect. For me and smoking cigarettes cutting down before quitting made it seem like small steps I could succeed with. The word alcoholic might scare him. Id use the words cut down to make you less anxious that it will become a problem in your marriage
What aa told me, if you have to question if you’re an alcoholic, you are. Doesn’t matter if drinking happens everyday or if you keep drinking knowing you’re a bad drunk. If I were you I’d look up some alanon meetings near you, it’s support for families of alcoholics.
You should try him on tennents super at 12 percent alcohol, he will be shit faced after four of them,it would stop the drinking but he will drink less cans.
My husband and I started dating when we were 13, we are both 35 now. I’ve been there for all the highs & lows, the nights of downing full bottles of hard liquor, vomiting blood, blown blood vessels in his eyes type of hangovers. He “slowed down” and switched to beer… he could kill a 30 rack a night. This went on until he was 33, when his health started deteriorating. We had 3 kids, one under 1 at the time… he had to decide for himself to completely stop. He never considered himself an alcoholic until his doctor told him his brain was swelling & his organs were shutting down. He is now 35, taking about 7 pills a day and hating himself for not stopping sooner.
My only advice, I guess, is to love him through it. Talking with him and figuring out why he feels the need to drink so much a night, and trying to show him how his excessive drinking is affecting his health & yours. He will have his “aha moment” in his own time, but it sounds like he’s not ready to admit that there is a problem.
Yup sounds like an alchi
Girl, mine has been during that for years. They like their beer.
Yes that is alcoholism
Sound like alcohol issues. Many people are functioning alcoholics. Look it up and see if it rings true to ur situation
One beer a day is considered being an alcoholic. I left my fiance because he was doing 2-3 30 packs a week! He went to an outpatient rehab program for over a year. He was also a mean drunk (never ohysical but verbal)
Unfortunately yes he’s an alcoholic that is slightly functioning. You need to understand that he’s always under the influence with that many beers… even the next morning driving to work or the kids to school, while working, and he has to drink bc he’s prob getting withdrawal symptoms. At some point he’s going to stop being functional which I think the fact he can’t do anything but sit and rink means he’s no longer functioning. What are your plans for his DUIs? How much financially are you willing to pour into this? Are you willing to have insurance premiums go up, the health issues, etc? Do you have a plan for the childrens safety bc he can’t be trusted to care for them.
My husband used to be like this I grew up with an alcoholic dad I just talked to him and said hey your body needs a break so he will drink every other day now or drink for a couple days straight and then take a couple days off to let his body recoup I mean it was nothing about him being angry he was never a mean drunk sometimes he might say stupid things but who hasn’t just tell him that your body needs time to recoup I mean I’ve been known to throw a few back too but I limit myself to once a week and because I limit myself it helps him too limit himself and realize he can do it and I’m prone to drinking I used to drink a lot in my youth but I had to realize the problem and cut myself back cut myself down and seeing how I can makes him want to support is very important when it comes to an addiction someone to say you can do it have your back
Been there and IMHO, he’s an Alcoholic. If he gets to where he doesn’t know when to stop…alcoholic. Gotta know your limits.
If he’s not abusing anyone and is functioning going to work and all then what’s the problem
That would be a definition of alcoholic. You have to decide what you want to put up with & is he responsible enough NOT to drive if necessary. It will get worse.
Put up with that far to long,got rid in end
There is an alcohol screening tool called AUDIT-C that you can look up and answer the questions to for problem drinking. Typically I like to ask if someone drinks more than 6 drinks in 1 day, drinks in the morning, and how many days a week they drink then I will continue with the AUDIT-C screening tool.
Yes it is a problem and it will only get worse unless he gets help! Nip it in the bud
Alcoholic. Give him an ultimatum. It just gets worse. Don’t think about the fact he still does things. It doesn’t matter if hes drinking that much every single day. You couldn’t count on him to be there if something happens in between those hours (ie kids get sick and need to go to hospital, any emergencies he’d be drunk and unable to perform necessary tasks due to his alcohol abuse). Don’t accept it. He needs help and unfortunately being blind to that will cause it to be worse and it’s enabling the behavior
He’s definitely an alcoholic
It is called functional alcoholism. Many individuals sit in this category for years and never advance beyond, however many do. It also is one of the leading causes of “buzzed” driving. If it is interrupting your life have a discussion, but unless he is willing to change it may not occur as alcoholism is a mental disease and very hard to work with as many individuals find functional alcoholism acceptable.
As the daughter of two alcoholics and a family fill of other alcoholics I would encourage you to attend an Alanon meeting to find out more about ways to help yourself and your family.
Not sure if he’s an alcoholic or not. Not for me to judge, but the pattern isn’t good & he may need to take a good look at his behavior.
I wouldn’t say he is necessarily an alcoholic but he’s well on his way there if he’s showing compulsive behavior. It’s not a healthy stress control mechanism though and it’s easy to fall down this tunnel. Encourage dry January or something similar, maybe he can break this habit before it becomes a problem.
Definitely not good.
Talk with him and let him know your concern comes from a place of love not judgement. You dont want to see him struggle down the road so youd like him to dial back a bit.
I grew up with a step father that was a high functioning alcoholic. When we got older and moved out it got worse. But my mother put up with it. But the last straw for my mother was when he started to flash himself in front of his adult step daughters where we would refuse to come back. And at that he is not allowed around our children. He went to rehab for a while and attends AAA meetings and has been sober for a few years. I go visit for my mother’s safe. But don’t take my kids and don’t spend the night and I only go if my husband is with me. It took my mother threatening to leave him for him to finally sober up.
Yeah he’s basically being a functional alcoholic, I would talk with him and see if there’s another way he can ease his stress. Maybe a new hobby or something in place of the drinking. Even if he isn’t drinking mass amounts or having catastrophic behavioral changes he is wiring his brain to require the alcohol as a coping mechanism.
Yep and alcoholic I went they the same shit never gets better
Not dramatic. It’s alcoholism 100%.
My sister inlaw is in an acholic marriage. It’s only gets worse and they only change for a little bit.
Yes he’s an alcoholic and you are well on your way to years of an exhausting relationship . Face the facts and stop making excuses for him which isn’t healthy!
Def a problem… nip it in the bud now !
450% increase in daily use in less than 2 years, where exactly do you think this is heading? I suggest you google about the biphasic effects of alcohol to help you learn more about mood swings associated with rising and falling BAC’s
The more you drink you build tolerance levels and you need more alcohol to get those initial feelings of having just a couple drinks. He’s most likely not in a good place mentally and the pandemic added much more stress to people’s lives. When people act like they don’t need your love and support is when they need it the most. The longer he drinks like this, the harder it’s going to be to quit or scale back because once you become mentally or physically dependent on it, it’s not just alcoholism, it’s now an addiction and addiction changes your brain functions and becomes a lifelong battle. Talk to him about getting help, maybe a therapist to help with the stress, etc and even AA.
Oh you’re not over reacting he’s definitely an alcoholic…
Yes and I hate to say it, but it doesn’t change. He will keep promising to “cut back” and it will last for a little while and then he will go right back to it. I love with the same sort of person and it is so hard to get out once it starts
I was married for almost 11 yrs to a man who could not go a day without drinking . He went from drinking beer to hard liquor when he couldn’t get enough of a buzz from beer. Spent all my 20’s with this man and I still to this day regret not leaving right away and I am now in my 60’s.
Unfortunately my estranged husband is an alcoholic… same pattern… his became worse on weekends (pre pandemic) he would start drinking beers as soon as he woke up until he went to bed. Yes your husband is an alcoholic, im so sorry to say, it is one of the most devastating things a relationship can go through. I left my husband 4 years ago, I’m still madly in love with him but I just cant do him… he’s too ill… he still loves me but he knows he must stay away. There are children involved that he doesn’t see, not until he’s well… this we’ve agreed on. There is seriously nothing more devastating than this disease… i feel stuck… im so sorry
I have watched my partner drink every single day off, same time every afternoon, for the past 10 years… And at least 4 times a week all year and now it’s everyday lately. It has caused so many problems with the kids, parenting, communication, etc relationship is non existent as he continuously chose to do that despite my pleas and trying to talk to him. He won’t go to counselling, it’s really a trigger for my anxiety from my previous DV relationship which I was lucky to get out alive with my 2 kids. It will only get worse if it’s not addressed now and it’s a horrible life to have to live. Speaking from experience here…
YOU ARE NOT OVER REACTING!
Almost Everyone drinks or smokes
If it’s not causing any issues except getting him off the couch I wouldn’t worry so much
If he was Bing drinking constantly allday and all night then I’d suggest being worried but 8 to 9 drink on week days and drinking a little more or longer on weekend doesn’t seem to be a problem
But I can’t tell you how to feel but I wouldn’t be so worried at this point
Uh… he has a problem!
My Dad has literally been drinking my entire life. I’m 30. On days he works, the moment he gets home he’s cracking a beer. By the time he drinks himself to sleep he’s had at least 13. He does that every work night. Then, on his days off he starts drinking by 10 in the morning and drinks a shit ton by the time he actually goes to bed that night. When I was younger it was a smaller number of beers, but back then he partied all the time with liquor and trust me… life was not easy for his 3 daughters (with me being the oldest). Alcohol changed him into a monster, and he drank every day.
When he started out he was doing what your husband did, a couple beers to relax. But the longer that went on, the more he needed to feel relief from it. I’m not saying your husband will be the same and become violent, but I am letting you know from someone who grew up with that… its not something that gets better with time if they don’t stop and get help. My dad has been on the verge of a heart attack multiple times due to his potassium levels being f$%!ed, he dehydrates himself so bad with all the beer that it’s like a zig zag. Up and down. The water he drinks in the morning can’t keep up.
hang in there!
Yes it’s definitely a problem
Sounds like he’s on the slippery slope already. My family has alcoholism all over. There are definitely different kinds of alcoholism, however it sounds like your husband is definitely turning into an alcoholic. It will slowly get worse.
Sorry but he’s addicted to drinking. Bet you if he goes a week without drinking he will get withdrawal symptoms
If it is negatively affecting his life in any way shape or form then yes, he is an addict
Get him help ASAP…just stay calm and nonjudgmental about it!! It’s now a disease….does he have other family to help you get him to some help??
Defo has a problem. My dad is, and always has been, an alcoholic. If they can’t go 1 day without a drink, there is something wrong. I hope he gets the help b4 the damage is irreversible. My dad got told to drink the more expensive drinks, cos the cheap stuff has more carbon in it, and that was inflating his belly, and causing damage.
Every night, it’s definitely a drinking problem and he will never “cut back” as he says it will. It’ll just get worse.
Never measure addiction by quantity. If he needs it, it’s addiction.
This does sound like the beginning of alcoholism. He needs to see a Dr and a counsellor and get his life back together.
That’s how my dad started… then now he’s up to an 18 pack of beer every single day… he may be calm now but that can change real quick… my dad can’t go one day without drinking.
As a recovering addict myself, This isn’t alcoholism but this is for sure start of addiction but if he don’t get help he will be lost to alcoholism soon enough