I’d say it’s a good celebration to start your family with just the three of you go out have dinner have a night on the town just the three of you you’ve earned it and let Mom stew in her own juices
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Pick your battles 
go or don’t but THEY will not be in attendance 
That’s it , that’s all. He’s not being selfish. If anything he’s sparing some turmoil and upset that could be caused if he DID in fact go and said something to upset you/family still.
Let it be♥️
Happy birthday.
There’s nothing you can do. Your husband is an adult and that’s HIS daughter. You should be disappointed in your mother for not staying in her lane. Divulging information to his EX was clearly a conflict of interest and poor judgement. These are the consequences, for now. If you were wise, you wouldn’t discuss either your husband or his daughter at your birthday dinner. If she brings them up quietly get your purse, thank her for the evening and leave. You can make a statement without making a statement.
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I tell your mom to kick rocks , I don’t blame him one bit . Your mother is a toxic malicious woman . Period !! As for you , you support your husband .
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I would tell your Mom “thanks for thinking of me however I really don’t want a birthday party” then spend the day with your family 
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Support your husband go if u want but he’s not don’t put pressure 
My husband feels the same about my mom it’s his right to not want to be around her
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Nah. Your husband is not being selfish. As an adult I WILL protect me and mines peace and wellbeing at all cost and it doesn’t matter if they’re family or not. She sounds toxic and I understand it’s your mom but I’m with hubby here. You can go if you want but he I’d NOT selfish for choosing to not be around your toxic momma.
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You need to support your husband
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Well unless it wasn’t true (crap said), I wouldn’t fault your mom. Yes he’s your husband, but you could have some blinders on to some of the things that happened prior to your relationship. He technically lost custody of his biological child, to his girlfriend for a certain amount of time.
With that being said. You stated your moms not treating you correctly, that’s a whole other reason not to be around her, if she’s just out to cause drama when there is none and she just thrives for it, she might just like to stir the pot too.
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Your problem should be with your freaking mother. Like how are you gonna allow her do to what she did? Ur husband must be a good man bcuz he should have walked the moment u started condoning what she was doing to him and his child!
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Sounds like your mom likes to stir the pot. I wouldn’t go.
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I agree with him… she betrayed him…
Unless what she said was the truth and in the best interest of the daughter … then she wasn’t out of order…
But if she was saying nasty stuff and it was toxic then I don’t blame him one bit…
And ur mother has a nerve to even think that he is in the wrong for not going…
She sounds toxic…
Stand by ur husband
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I’m on his side on this one.
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There is far more to be considered than this post tbh. Why did his ex have his child if not the mum? What was said about your partner by your mum? Was it true? Why are your mum and his ex so close?
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Nah, your mom is toxic.
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You better stand your ground and stand by your man. She’s treating him like this because you LET HER .
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Stop listening to your mother. She hasn’t been that positive support a mother should be for her daughter. As for your husband respect they don’t want to be around her. He has good reasons to not want his daughter around that
Sounds like high school drama 
🤦
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Stop and look at this from his side… he is your husband and has a kid that should be your mom’s granddaughter blood or not… I wouldn’t go around my in laws if they didn’t treat my daughter the same as his. It’s all or nothing over here… as a parent your mom would have a hard time being around any of my kids for a while.
Messing with him messed with the child’s wellbeing too. We don’t play about kids around here!
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Support your damn husband & child… Duh 
Screw your mother !!! She should have backed you and your husband.
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I’m with him on this. Your mom crossed a line and you’re just letting her get away with that. She had absolutely no respect for him. You’re allowing her to talk about him and treat him poorly, you need to step up and speak up. I’ve been in the other end and when your partner doesn’t stand up for you it says a lot.
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No he isn’t, don’t blame him, I wouldn’t either if I were him.
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No. He’s not being selfish at all. Your mom was in the wrong here
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Y’all sound messy as hell.
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I have a hard time with this one because it’s for you. I wouldn’t expect him to go under literally any other circumstances but this is your birthday party. If you don’t want it and don’t want your mom to throw it then say so and don’t go.
I’m with him. I wouldn’t go either.
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A person was rude to his wife AND actively tried to keep him from getting custody of his daughter? Regardless that the person is your mother, both of those things are pretty big. If I were him, I’d be telling her to get fucked.
So you’re toxic mother whom you know and willingly admit is toxic is trying to push the thought that your husband is abusive or toxic himself into your mind and you’re asking what to do… cut your mom off or go low contact. That’s my advice.
Your husband unless he’s doing things you didn’t mention here (which could explain why his ex had custody of his child he didn’t share with her) he just won something your mom obviously didn’t want him to win, she went behind your back to hurt you, him and your step child and you really think she’s just ok now and put the whole thing behind her?
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You are being ridiculous. You’re not backing your so after your toxic mom tried to block him from getting custody. Tbh he should’ve left you
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I wouldn’t go either tbh
I feel like there’s some important missing variables in this story. If he feels uncomfortable though, don’t push him to go. Maybe consider going without them as he said, and have a talk with your mom, if she’s willing. Why does she feel that way about him? Why does she talk to his ex behind y’all’s back? Why did she not want him with his daughter?.. I dated a guy who acted different around my family when I wasn’t around, and I never understood why they hated him so much… I’m not saying your husband did anything like that, but you’ll never know the full situation until you confront her. If you know for a fact that she’s just being petty, or following rumors that you know aren’t true, then cut her toxic butt from your lives. Leave that party as soon as you get your answers, and then go home to celebrate with your real family. Good luck 
Why In the holy heck is your mom talking to your husbands ex? Like why? Im so confused….
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Why do you put up with that crap from your mother. You are torn? Please! Support your husband your mothers toxic
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He’s not wrong or being selfish. Your mom sounds like an ahole and very toxic to your relationship.
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You and hubby need a counseling to help you establish healthy boundaries with your mother. I can relate to this way more than most people. Its natural that you love your mother regardless of the past issues. But its not only the past if she’s still causing drama now. Time heals alot. If your mom stops causing friction in your home, eventually your husband will probably tolerate her in small doses again and go from there.
My fiancee and my mom was the same way. I told them to put the past in the past. I asked them both to say sorry and focus onto he present and future and the kid(s) put first. It’s been 3 years and they are on great talking terms now. I don’t hear nothing bad from either of them about the other one. That’s all I can suggest, it did take a while for them to get on great talking terms.
I agree with your husband.
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No he’s not being selfish. If he doesn’t want to go, don’t force him.
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Who comes first? Your mother or your husband? You shouldn’t even have to ask!
She is the hiker who got between the grizzly and her cub, some actions in life are hard to come back from, and a birthday party is not a heartfelt explanation and apology
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Your mom is toxic to you and your family. Respect yourself and your family and decline. An invitation is not a summons. Do you really think your mom is throwing this party bc she lives and cares for you or for other reasons. Don’t let her drive a wedge of separation between you and your spouse which will happen if you go. Him and your daughter will have valid feelings if you’re chummy with someone who tried to hurt their relationship.
Also you need boundaries you shouldn’t even be going deep into your immediate family decisions with your mom esp since she’s the cause of drama. All she should be told is yes or no if they’ll be in attendance if you decide to go.
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You cant stab someone in the back and then expect them to play nice. I dont think hes being selfish
You stand with your husband. She has no right speaking to his ex and she shouldn’t be bad mouthing him. You should be standing up for him. Your mother is beyond toxic. Like what the fuck?? If you’re so ‘torn’ then you should leave him so he can be with someone who stands with him not against him.
That’s what your mom shouldn’t be doing, talking behind his back then trying to be goodie goodie to his face. I’m with your husband, that’s a hard pass for me. Nope
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I agree with ur husband…& I guarantee the ex-gf is invited too and there will be drama…the party is likely a facade to get everyone there but the point of it isn’t ur birthday it’s to stir the pot because ur mother obviously feeds on drama…I wouldn’t step even a toe at that party if I were u 
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Why is this even a question? Your mom speaks ill of your husband and it almost cost him getting custody of his daughter. Your mom talks to your husband’s ex. As his wife, the woman that said, " to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honor you all the days of my life." The key word in this sentence is “honor” do you feel that what your mother has done and is doing to your husband is right? Stand up for your husband. Go to bat for your husband. Be his wife. Yes, your mom is still your mom, but as his wife, you shouldn’t allow that behavior to transpire. What if the shoe was on the other foot? What if his mom was doing everything that your mother is doing, how would you really feel?
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Tell your mom
She had her cake now eat it…
Leave her to party alone
.those who stir the sh!t pot deserves to lick the spoon
Let him be mad
You to don’t have to do everything together
Also I would have told my mother to shut up be respectful
She may be your mom but she shouldn’t be such a mean person
Uhm your mother tried to destroy your husband and you think he is the one being selfish? Support your husband, cut ties with your mother. She sounds terrible!
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I guess it honestly depends on if what your Mother said is true or not. But even so, she has no right to run around spreading rumors, especially if they are half truths or lies. I would cut ties with her. She sounds completely immature and toxic. If you are not careful, your mother will destroy your marriage.
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I wouldn’t go if I were him! Hell no. Ur mom sounds like a horrible person.
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Ok all ya all need to grow the Fuck up. This isn’t a split family and ya all are promoting family segregation. To be a family unit regardless of his, her, ex, step. You have a bonus child… and He has a wife and family that need to Stand Strong and together Don’t let ignorant mean people overcome your strengths as a family. Teach your daughter how to be a strong stable human being. Sticking a nose in the air and not going is childish. It’s your day you control the atmosphere dosen’t matter who’s giving the party. Good Luck. Maybe find a nice family counselor to get all ya all going in the right direction? JAS
Girl, get your man, your now daughter and throw the deuces at yo mama. Nah. Sorry. If my mom disrespected ME like that??? Oh no no no no no ma’am. Your husband is protecting you. You better stand by your man or whatever Tammy said. You gonna be left with just your mama and confused. Your mama needs to learn her place and it’s not your space.
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I would respect the fact that my husband doesn’t feel comfortable being there.
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Fuck your mom she is toxic as hell and you’re allowing it!
Why is your mom talking to your husband’s ex?
Why are you still in contact with your mom if she tried to sabotage your family?
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Nope. He’s trying to protect his daughter and himself (and even you) from someone toxic. I absolutely would, and have, stood behind my husband when it came to toxic people. Even my own father. He is not being selfish, he is being responsible.
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No ur husband is not being selfish. Ur mother would and should be cut off. Ur husband has every right to not wanna be around her! Idk why u are not on ur husband side on this 1. She does associate with his ex!? Where is ur mothers loyalty???
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You can’t talk bad about some one and especially if it’s used to try and take thier kid then think all will be forgiven.
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I see where your hubby is coming from with this one. Your mom doesn’t like him and tried to come between him and his daughter by giving his ex stuff she could use against him in court. But whatever she gave her didn’t pan out or he wouldn’t have custody of his daughter. I wouldn’t want to go either if I was in this situation.
I wouldn’t go. You know the ex girlfriend is going to be there. Your mom sounds like a drama queen.
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You need to cut your mom out like the cancer she is! If my mom EVER spoke like that about my husband, she’d be de@d to me. Not a chance in hell would i go to anything she was at.
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After all that’s happened how can you still be torn? Its seems you still don’t understand fully what your mom did and how it could have cost your husband custody of his daughter and if you cant see and understand him for not wanting to go then something definitely wrong with you…
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My opinion may not be what you’re looking for … but here it is.
Mom is stirring the damn pot. You are an adult, in an adult relationship, with a stepdaughter that is going to get drug through the mud if you and your husband don’t stand together. If that means standing against your mom, so be it. For a mother to be anything but supportive of her daughter, and her daughter’s chosen partner in life, is not acceptable behavior if she wants to continue a positive relationship with you. She said hurtful things about your husband, which could have affected his (and your) relationship with his daughter. Why would you trust her?
I support your husband on this one, and so should you. You’re married to him; stand with him.
I realize it’s not a popular opinion, so please save all the hate responses for someone who might listen.
You should always have your husbands back. Your mom is toxic. Why would you even wanna be around that?
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Sometimes we have to make a choice no matter how much it hurts. This sounds like one of those times. Your life is now with your husband. Tell your Mom that you don’t want her to give you a party and until she can show loyalty and change her ways you are limiting contact.
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Idk I would be pretty pissed if my mother in law tried coming in between me and my kid.
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No. Your husband isn’t be selfish. He just is showing your mother that actions have consequences.
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Wow, I’d def be having my husband’s back over her!
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Honestly I got the feeling that it was a trap but if my mom pulled all that I’d tell her to f*ck off real quick
Your mom sounds toxic. Nothing good ever comes from having a relationship with a toxic person.
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Side with your husband. Your mom is toxic. My adopted mom was toxic about my husband and even my own brother and since cutting them out our life is better and less drama. you want a happy life cut the toxic out.
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Lmfao question is why is your mom talking to your mans ex? Mentally ill or what?
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The ex could be there, don’t do it.
Your mom almost cost your husband his child. That right there would make me not speak to my mother. I’m so glad my mom doesn’t act this way
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Sorry if my hubby wasn’t comfortable I’m not either!
Your mother tried to sabotage his relationship with his daughter and has treated you like crap and you want to ask if he’s the one being selfish? Are you serious right now? Sounds like you’d benefit from therapy, hun.
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Why would you want to go? Your mother sounds toxic towards you. Maybe your husband is right for not wanting to go.
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No your husband isn’t being selfish.
Your mum sounds selfish… the family you are making now is more important. Stick to your husbands side.
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I mean, if the roles were reversed, you were going for full custody of your child and your husband’s mom tried sabotaging that, wouldn’t you feel some type of way? Btw… I’d be pissed that my mom talked to my husband’s ex. Sounds like she likes to meddle too much.
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Feels like a set up. Let your husband and daughter do as they please. You do as you please. Possibly some healthy boundaries and responses for your mum. Try the truth. Good luck xxx
Your first loyalty should be to your husband.
Sounds like your husband is being smart and cutting out toxic people.
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Your husband should be 1st period (except for children) you made that vow. You are being selfish and I would put my mother in her place or 
mom. She already f*cked up imo.
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I agree with dad. She said bad things about him that got brought up in court and could have affected his custody. I wouldn’t be able to trust her
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Duuuuuude. Minute my mom went against us in a custody battle…she not my mom no more. Period.
Minute my mom dared talk down about my man…she wouldn’t have me to listen anymore. Nope. Bye. She’d get a warning that I would not put up with that disrespect to my Mr…if she kept at it, we done. Period.
Toxic is toxic.
You fire toxic people.
Period.
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Stand beside your husband. He’s valid
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I don’t blame him and if I were you I wouldn’t go either… so she can fake smile in his face like nothing happened 
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Throw out the whole mom.
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Why would your mom be friend’s with your husband’s ex? That’s a problem you need to take care immediately! Your mom shouldn’t have been involved in the custody issues at all. Im sorry but your mom is in the wrong. You need to stand up for your husband and tell your mom she is wrong.
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Bye Mom - you chose the wrong side. My husband, step daughter come first - to me. Have a wonderful party WITHOUT ME.
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I would tell my mom that I would prefer her not to throw me a party but instead maybe the two of you could go out for lunch or dinner.
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Whom are you married to ,your Mom or your husband 1st priority should be your family, husband, children then Mommy dearest jmo.
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He isnt being selfish. What if his mom treated you like shit? Would you wanna go to anything with her? I dont blame him and I feel like you should stand by his side and defend him! What shes doing is so out of line and messed up.
Your mother needs to understand that your loyalty now is with your husband. If she cannot respect that then you need to distance yourself from her.
She may need to start with an apology to your husband, it may not make him think anything different about her but at least she had the decency to do so.
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Your mom sounds toxic
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Let me get this straight
Your mom treated you bad
Said bad things about your husband
And you don’t know why he doesn’t like her ???
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You are torn? Wow, that man deserves better than that. A wife’s loyalty should be to her spouse and kids first. A husband’s loyalty should.be to his spouse and kids first. He isn’t doing anything wrong or selfish. I bet he was mean. Most likely because he was hurt. It should never have been a question at all. Would you want him talking to and hanging out with ppl that bad mouthed you and tried to make you lose your child? No you wouldn’t.
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I can see his point I have to say I wouldn’t go myself
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