I think for the sake of your birthday it’s something that i would deal with for my partner but everyone’s entitled to their own feelings. I can’t really blame him for not wanting to go. She’s really hasn’t done anything nice to or for him so if he doesn’t want to be around it then… that’s what he wants. Maybe your mom and you can get lunch instead since it’s more casual for you two and have dinner or other plans with your husband & stepdaughter.
Ur husband is right. He makes his own choices and he’s not stopping u going if u wish. That could have cost him his daughter x
He’s in the right. That sounds very toxic and he’s choosing to remove himself from the situation. Your mom is 2 faced. 
My goodness while I get that that ur momma put urself in his position. Ur mom has done so much damage with him it’s unfair to expect him to just be thrilled and enthusiastic about it. I wouldn’t be if someone almost cost my my child and while I get that she’s not ur child that’s his baby. I don’t think he’s being selfish he’s hurt and protecting his family and u should probably have a serious conversation about what’s gonna happen if ur mother continues to disrespect him and his child.
I think up know she’s toxic and just trying to save face. I would just tell her no thank you and stay away from her.
None of you should go. Stand behind your husband and support his decision and feelings. Your mom is causing the toxic friction in your marriage
Your husband has a right to protect his and his child’s inner peace. Your mother fails to realize that your husband doesn’t owe her anything, and doesn’t have to accept her behavior.
Stay away from the party
Your husband is right stay away!
Personally I would remove myself to. He’s got every right. However it is your mom if you want to then go.
Noooo hes just fine. That woman is toxic twords him and his child… and from the sounds of it the ex wofe that your mother shouldnt wven have contact woth (thats weird af ) would incote her to YOUR party jist to instigate. Toxic is toxic. And he doesnt have to deal with it if he doesnt want to.
If you want to go, go. He doesn’t have to, don’t make him feel he does.
No he ain’t being selfish. You might think he’s selfish cos you low - key think your mum wants to do this for you out of love… YOUR MUM HAS A HIDDEN AGENDA!
Stand by your husband and your daughter 
!
Ur mother is a biotch and I’m on ur husbands side… you really need to defend your family(husband and daughter)at some point …
I wouldn’t want to put myself in the position to have to go somewhere that I knew I’d be miserable and unhappy. Your mom honestly shouldn’t be speaking to the ex. That’s weird af. But okay. And you should defend your hubs at this point. Go if you want to go but don’t drag him and her into an already unhealthy environment.
He is protecting himself and his daughter. I wouldn’t want to be around a person that actively bad mouthed me and was trying to meddle in a situation that literally has nothing to do with her. She has been nasty to him, it’s unfair to expect him to be thrilled, even if the party is for you. Your mother has been toxic as heck up until now, she’s got something brewing… and it’s probably not good. I would stay away.
I wouldn’t go myself. 
your mom obviously doesn’t like your husband. Maybe take your husband’s feelings into account on this one and stand by him.
Usually I would say go alone…but she could have cost him his daughter so in this case I say your husband is right and you should back him in this. Tell your mother no thanks
You should spend your birthday with your husband and daughter! If your mom is toxic to not only your husband and daughter, but you too, then avoid her! I understand that she’s your mother, but you’re an adult, with your own family. YOUR family is your priority!
Lol I would not know that’s the only way my husband know how to be
Why is your mom talking to
His ex? How would you feel if his dad and your ex talked crap about you then threw him a bday party.
Your mom has no say in your relationship.
I’d be kicking it with my husband not someone trying to tear my family apart.
If she’s not the dramatic type talk to her over coffee… set boundaries.
Your mom is a b***tch. Stick with who has your back. You just said she tried to screw over the custody and is on the ex’s side. Draws the line in the sand don’t you think???
If your mom said bad things about your husband, he has every right to stay clear.
Come on you can’t be that dumb …… the ex is going to be there …. And you need to see your mum is a narcissist going against her daughters husband like that.
No he’s not being selfish. Your mother sounds very toxic. What was she doing talking to his ex to begin with? That doesnt strike you as odd and disrespectful? That was disrespectful to you and your husband. He doesnt need to like her or want to be around her. He has every right. And you shouldnt want to either after the way she treats both of you.
Go on your own, you’re mum sounds to toxic and your husband and his daughter should keep well away…
Why would your husband want to hang out with a woman who hates him that much? If roles were reversed, you wouldn’t want to hang out with his mom either. These are the consequences for YOUR mother’s actions. What did she think would happen? Of course he doesn’t like her.
You should definitely be more supportive of your husband… imagine if his parents treated you bad, how would you feel?! Personally idc who it is… if you don’t respect my husband and treat him appropriately then we can’t have a functioning relationship… Period.
Seems your mom likes drama. Misery loves company. I understood why he don’t want to go and if you want a good laid back stress free birthday I would suggest you don’t go either. She’s got something up her sleeve.
If she treats you poorly and talks badly about your husband(unless it’s true), why would you want to go? Why would you expect him to go why would you want to be uncomfortable?
Never come between a child and a parent in a custody battle
I think it’s fine if you just have a relationship with your mother . He and his daughter do not have to though .
Your family you built is more important than the family you came from. Your mother trash talked your husband to another woman and you don’t see the red flags? She is the issue & your husband has every right to refuse to go
I’m sorry your mom has a relationship with his ex girlfriend and you don’t see that as a problem in itself? And you expect him to want to go to this party? If I was him your mother wouldn’t even be allowed in my home anymore. Look at it from his point of view
Nah. Get rid of your mom til she leaves the ex alone.
Set boundaries, if she’s not been good you need to let her know that and that if she doesn’t stop causing drama in your life you can’t entertain her parties. However being a mother: is it that she’s not been good or that she looks out for you? You are her flesh n blood so do not mistake her caring as not being good to you.
Accept that he has decided to walk away from your mom but appreciate that he isn’t putting you in the middle. I’ve stepped away from “family” and it made my life much more peaceful.
Definitely sounds like a hidden agenda. She hasn’t treated you great, she talks shit about your husband, tried to get him to lose his daughter but now all of a sudden she wants to throw you a birthday party and they all invited. Nope nope. Sounds suspect
Say no to tour mum, I don’t think your husband is being selfish at all, I know she is your mum, but she has treated you like crap as well as your family. Your husband and step daughter comes first. Through your own party or go out and do something with your husband or daughter, I can understand why your husband has said no to him and your step daughter going. Xx
Why go to a party where your mom can target them directly? Your mom is your family. But you have your own family now. Hes not being selfish. I have family like this and I refuse to take people there because they always run their mouths behind our backs.
Sounds like your husband is a smart guy. Perhaps you should consider standing by him and support him and stay away from your mom.
She was trying to cause you not to adopt his daughter? He’s completely justified and I’m sorry if you go that means you support her decision to bad mouth your husband and you didn’t want to adopt his daughter.
She probably invited the EX
You attack my husband you are attacking me.when you marry No one comes before him…
That’s the relationship I have with my in laws. After 9 years, I decided I was done- told my husband that he’s free to have any relationship with them that he wants- but I absolutely will not. My only regret? Not doing it sooner. It’s not selfish of your husband at all
You’re the problem. Why are you even entertaining your mom after she did that shit?
I honestly would have gotten rid of my mom, gone low contact, move where she can’t just show up, and kept her restricted to phone calls only. Your mother is toxic and abusive and you don’t want or need that in your life. She’s just going to continue to make problems. Not all mom’s are good mom’s or even worth keeping around. Get rid of her yesterday. She’s only going to hurt your family
He doesn’t want to be around her can u blame him . Let him have a daddy daughter day with his daughter that day .
If my mother nearly guaranteed that my husband not have custody of his child I’d never speak to her again. That’s vile. And there’s no excuse for it. Of course he doesn’t want to be around her, and doesn’t want his daughter to either. Tbh I’m kinda perplexed why YOU want to be around her.
He’s right! Don’t force them into something with your mother who has been awful to him! His feelings matter!
No he’s absolutely not being selfish and I can’t understand why you don’t understand why he feels the way he does. 1. Your husband and now child is your main family. Your #1 priority. Why would you ever let them go anywhere near your mom after everything she has done? I would have cut off all contact. Stand by your HUSBAND AND CHILD. That’s a hard no for me.
So your mom talks to his ex (red flag), said bad things about him that the ex tried to use in court against him (red flag), has treated you poorly (red flag), and is now calling him selfish for setting a boundary and protecting himself and your daughter from her being able to attack him (red flag) and you are confused… if she has already proved that she can’t treat him with respect she is likely to do it again. I say this with experience. I’m not bashing but trying to put in some prospective. She is toxic and does not respect him. She has already proved that. He has every right not to want him and your daughter to stay away. It’s not selfish. You and your husband are a team and if she disrespects him she disrespects you.
Try to look at it from his perspective. If the role was reversed and it was his mom talking to your ex badly and disrespecting you would you want to be around her? Would you want your child around her? Try to see his side.
He has every right not to want him or his daughter to participate.
What your mom did is wrong
Yikes, your mom sounds like she has zero boundaries.
Follow your husband …he should come first
Ok …but what do you want tho?
That’s the choice you need to make
Your mom was saying crap that could have cost him his daughter. He has every right to not want any contact with her. He gave you an out simply because she’s your mom but why would you want to invite that kind of negativity into your life?
You’re toxic.
You need to open your eyes before he leaves you.
You should be standing by your husband. What your mom did was wrong and he has every right to act/feel the way he is right now. Your mother did wrong here not him.
Nah. Your mom tried to ruin his relationship with his child. That’s a no for me.
I wouldn’t want to go either. She was bashing your husband which means you as well. You support your husband. When you marry ya’ll become one. You stand by him. He wants deep down for you not to go and stand by him. He won’t say it but he wants you to stand with him on what she has done.
your mom sounds toxic maybe you should cut ties for right now till she can see what she is doing is wrong
No party is worth the peace of your home. Say no thanks to your “mom”.
I dont blame him. And not sure why u want to go when u say she doesn’t treat u well either. No time for people who can’t be kind all the time
I would be standing by my husband and wouldn’t allow my mother to disrespect him it’s your job to stand up to her and defend him. I wouldn’t go either or have anything to do with her if I was him. If you want to continue the relationship with your mom that’s your choice but it’s his choice to not have people like that in his or his kids life and you have to respect his boundaries
Fuck your mom 
she needs to learn to not disrespect your husband. That’s YOUR family. She’s another chapter in another book. She sounds like a hypocrite, talks alot of shit and expects everyone to accept it becaseu she’s the "mother in law " I defend my husband againsts anyones Bs people now and days feel like they can’t not stop talking to their parents if they’re toxic because " she’s my mom or he’s my dad " NOPE. Toxic is toxic. Especially still talking to the ex that’s plain disrespectful it’s like laughing right in his face. He’s setting healthy boundaries, I’d support him. I would not tolerate that.
Stay away from her🦹🏻♀️
Honestly he is setting his boundaries and I would stand with my husband. Wtf does YOUR mom need to be talking to anybodies ex and taking sides with that ex. Your mom is weird and may even be toxic. Don’t have enough info but when I was reading this made me think of the group I’m in where most the moms are narcissists.
Not being selfish. I wouldn’t want to be around someone who seemed to stopping me from getting custody like she was to him
I’m not sure I understand why you’re still even talking to her…she keeps a relationship with his ex 
she came between a parent and their child and she’s deflecting acting like your husband is the bad guy have your partners back and tell your mother to respect boundaries or stay away
Don’t make them go. She can take you to lunch or dinner to celebrate your birthday.
You’re building YOUR family as your mom has already done. Your family comes first and your mom has to respect that.
He probably has an attitude about it because he fully understands how toxic your mom is and you’re enabling her to continue to treat you badly. Your mom had absolutely zero right to be confiding anything to your husbands ex, who she should not have anything to do with. She probably is only throwing you a birthday party to try to make herself look like a nice loving mother, even tho she probably isn’t and will just use that to later rub in your face about all the good stuff she does for you after the next incident of her creating drama for you and your family. Your husband is setting boundaries and keeping his distance from her and you should also consider distancing yourself from her since she is purposely trying to create problems for you and your husband. Your mom is the selfish one & also entitled for thinking your husband has no right to set boundaries with her especially after she tried to cause him to lose custody of his child.
He’s being far from selfish.
Sounds to me that you need to put your foot down towards your mother and stick up for your husband🙄
I don’t blame him. If the tables were turned and it was his mom that had been taking sides with your ex wouldn’t you feel the same way he does?
I don’t understand why you would even have a relationship with her. I don’t blame your husband…
Um, your mom purposefully tried to stop your husband from gaining custody of his daughter first of all, I would be angry with her too if I was him and I darn sure wouldnt want to be around her… and if your mom is as toxic as you claim, if I were you, I wouldn’t be around her… time for you to choose the family you created or the toxic mess that created you.
Your mom was trying to have him lose custody of his daughter how could you even think of wanting to be around her
If she is bad mouthing your husband not treating you well. Than why go. If I was married and my family was doing that to my husband or significant other I would stand by them and not go myself.
F**k her and don’t go, I’d be standing by my husband and I’d cut my mother off if she ever did shady sh*t like that.
You don’t go, your loyalty should be to your husband, not your mother.
Hello people I know this lady has done wrong but your mom is your mom always he doesn’t have to associate with her but it still her mom no matter what she’s done God will forgive her so should they
None of you should go and I don’t blame him!! Talk about betrayal! Your mom sounds like a backstabber!
No, he is far from being selfish. He sees what your blinded to. The family you came from might be important, but the family you created is your priority. She tried to hurt your family by trying to help keep him from getting custody. She doesn’t deserve to have you or your family around. Your husband and stepchild shouldn’t be put on the back burner for her
Are the things your mom said true or did she believe them to be true? If so he has nothing to be mad about. Don’t let him take your mom from you. You will regret it after she’s gone.
This smells like a setup to me.
Sorry but I’m taking your husband side because at the end of the day nobody and I mean nobody should be coming between yawls relationship and the fact that your mother was getting involved while he was going to court for his child makes it even worse!!!
I can’t believe you still trust your mother. That kind of betrayal should not be easily forgiven. I understand she’s your mother, she doesn’t have your best interests at heart though. Watch your back for that 
I always say how wud u feel if the table was turned & his mom did this too you, & than threw him a part? & be honest w yourself
She sounds like an evil troll and be clearly can’t stand her. Leave it at that! I wouldn’t want anything to do with her either by the sounds of that!
1st. Unless you are in that court papers, you did not get custody.
2. What do you mean wasn’t her bio mom, so this isn’t the first time dude uses his woman to raise his kids?
3rd. That’s all I read.
Your mom has drawn a line in the sand and she will now suffer the consequences. I agree with your husband, I wouldn’t go to the party and neither would my daughter. To be honest I wouldn’t want anything to do with your mom. Your husband isn’t being selfish he’s hurt and knows fully well that your mom is a top notch manipulator and doesn’t want to be a part of her toxic life. Put the blame where it belongs. Support your partner as you would want him to do.
Go to your party if u want he is not obligated to go especially with such hard feelings
how the hell did his ex gf, not the daughters biological mother, get custody of this child
This just sounds broken asf.
Not saying your mother isn’t always going to be just that but she’s also toxic. She should have never, ever taken the ex, her friend, over you, your husband or the welfare of that child. She showed her true colors instead of gracefully bowing out of the situation until it was resolved. She’s a narcissist for thinking after all that crap that you or your family should be attending a party. She has managed to manipulate you and you are currently sitting on the fence…you’re going to really damage your marriage if you allow her to put this wedge between you and your husband. Also you already know the ex will be there, mom is playing a dangerous game. Cut her off until she can respect you and yours.
If my mom interfered with me getting my step kid, my kid will always be my choice. I don’t blame your husband. If you still wanna go then go but I wouldn’t wanna associate with someone who tried to make me lose my kid