skip the party and stay with Hubby, He is right on this one.
6 Likes
Damn it , don’t ya just hate it when the husband is right ?! 
You said she didn’t treat you right either. I would hold your mom at arms length. I’d suggest you and she go someplace for lunch to celebrate your birthday. Tell her hubs & stepchild are not over her betrayal just yet so they prefer it just be the two of you. Being in a public place hopefully keeps the drama to a minimum, and once you’ve had dessert you can just leave.
3 Likes
I’m truly hoping this whole thing is a joke…
3 Likes
Why place your family and yourself through something that can be very volatile?
That’s the future of his CHILD no wonder he’s meann
No party. She treated you bad, then back stabbed your husband, and talks to his ex gf, refuse the party, your loyalty lies with him, your mmm can’t be trusted I’m afraid. Say no to the party. He’s not being selfish.
3 Likes
At the end of the day, are you married to your mom?? It’s time to grow up.
4 Likes
You’re being selfish smh that man was run through the mud by your mother
If I was your husband I would be the exact same. Why would he want to be in your mums company ? I sure as hell wouldnt
5 Likes
I don’t understand why you’re torn when you know how she treats you and how she almost jeopardized your husband getting custody?
1 Like
If this is true and she has basically been an utterly cruel and manipulative dick to both of you, why are you even contemplating going? Why is she doing a party for you in the first place as she must know he at the very least doesn’t like her?? All sounds odd. I’d be telling her not to throw you a party as you won’t be there and take a step back, cut those ties with her
Why are you all even married. I mean I know times are tough so economically people are wanting roommates to split the bills but… this sounds so extra. You both sound disconnected and out of love. Divorce or couples counseling then probably still divorce
I agree with your husband. He had every right to hate her and it’s kinda funny how suddenly now your mom wants to be all nicey nice and wants y’all to just forget the recent past
2 Likes
Stay home!!! Your mom is your mother but your husband and step daughter Are your family. Don’t let someone tear yall apart and let it cause and problems for u and ur husband
I wouldn’t go myself if my own mom was conspiring against me and my husband in a child custody battle. I would still love her but not be around her. That’s not right
1 Like
you wouldn’t have much fun at that party. Change your phone number or move away where you won’t have this uglyness
in your life.
Your mom sounds toxic.
No your husband is NOT selfish. He is right.
1 Like
Tell him “if it’s a women’s job to clean, it’s a man’s job to pay the bills”. See what he says to that. If he won’t do his share of the housework, you won’t do your share of bringing in money. That should put things in perspective for him. If it doesn’t, there is a bigger problem that probably either will take marriage counseling or divorce to fix. You most certainly should not be working full time and doing all the housework.
8 Likes
I’d say he’s being selfish, but I’d also love to be able to hire a maid or house cleaner. I don’t have valuables to worry about people touching though. I’d personally check it out and see what the cost is and see if that changes his mind. And I’d also refuse to pay the bill since he’s the only one that feels the need for the service. My husband works 12 hour swing shifts and doesn’t help around the house much, but at least he watches the kids when he can so I can somewhat keep up on the house things as I work full time as well. Good luck whichever way you end up going!
1 Like
Typical dumb ass answer from a male. Only a small fraction of males think as a TEAM to pick up an maintain their home in their busy life. Of corse he would ask for a maid to do his or BOTH ur parts…have you ever thorght…maybe that’s what he thorght of you when you were just maintaining the home?
His answer really annoys me… you are NOT being unreasonable. He’s being a KNOB
I would say he’s being selfish and lazy, but that’s just because my husband helps with the cleaning around the house. We alternate doing dishes, like he’ll clean them once or twice and then I’ll clean them once or twice. We both hate washing dishes so this works for us. I refuse to let him do the laundry because he would constantly forget to take pens out of his military uniform so I would then have to do damage control 
. He vacuums because I hate it. One of our kids is old enough to bathe himself and we rake turns on bath time for our youngest. Again, I’m judging your husband based on what my husband does. I would kill for a maid and honestly if we could afford it, we’d have one. You would just need to make sure it’s through a service that vets all its employees and is fully licensed and has insurance.
My husband is kind of the same way. He milks the fact that he gardens/ mows in the spring/summer, and I dont……
In my experience, Maids dont actually help ease much of the burden. They dont do the laundry, daily dishes, and straightening that need to be done every day. Its nice to have things cleaned better- but I ended up cleaning for them to come anyway.
3 Likes
Just get a maid. It’ll make both your lives easier and less stressful. Make sure it’s an insured company that’s licensed.
4 Likes
He’s being a doofus. You are not asking too much, working as a team is how it should be. I’m a control freak and do a lot of stuff myself because I don’t like how my husband does it, so my extra burden is my fault, lol. I’m trying to get better and he definitely helps where he can with the cat boxes and vacuuming, but laundry and dishes are usually left up to me
From another husband’s point of view, he is very selfish and a lazy bastard. You’re his wife, not his maid! His priorities are all screwed up.
Sounds like he’s being lazy , or he needs to get a second job cause it’s not on your shoulders to clean everything. Team work is how households run. If you’re not comfortable with a maid that’s the end of it.
1 Like
I work full time so does my husband but I still do all the cooking and house work, don’t get me wrong he will help if I ask , and make meals also here and there but we also have teenagers and I make them do chores I think it just depends on the dynamic honestly
1 Like
He’s being lazy as hell. He is use to u doing it all. He need to man up and help your not his mama.
1 Like
He may change his mind when he sees how much a housekeeper will cost.
1 Like
Since he suggests it just get the maid, make him pay and never offer assistance… to answer the questions yes he is being selfish and quite frankly, lazy too
Yes. It’s SUPPOSED to be a team effort, but apparently not everyone got the memo. (Did his mom do all the household chores growing up?) Embrace a house keeper…out of his salary. But he’s still got to help with folding laundry, dishwasher, trash. He doesn’t get off scott-free. That’s not how this works.
I stay at home and my husband provides the income and still makes sure dishes are washed, house is picked up, cleans up after himself. It’s just a natural flow. I have a daughter so it does change things when it comes to messes, but he knows he’s a dad and he doesn’t “help” he parents and takes care of the home. I do a lot of the things like laundry and bathing my daughter, etc but he steps up without me even asking.
10 Likes
Nope. I work full time from home. Husband works full time overnights. We both do house work/ handle our son. You don’t get to clock out of parenthood or your household 
You would be working to pay the maid not worth it, both need to pitch in on caring for children and housework. Every marriage is different but whether you’re a stay-at-home mom or a working mom taking care of children is a full-time job so you do need help around the house from your husband when he gets home whether that’s him holding the baby so you can get a load of dishes done or him taking out the trash however you divide your chores make a list and set up a structured schedule of what needs to be done and when. This is a very common issue in marriages. There’s nothing wrong with having a maid if you can afford one but going back to work solely to pay a maid would not be worth it financially. Some people have a maid come in once a month just to do a deep clean but at the same time both husband and wife need to pitch in in household chores regardless of one being the income provider. Again every marriage that looks different but if you’re doing the dishes then he needs to help out and hold the baby or if you’re doing the laundry he does the trash in the dishes it changes and again every marriage is organic and different the best advice I can give you is right out a list of chores discuss it and how you want to thrive in your life and in your marriage. It also changes with the season of life that you’re in if your children are babies that’s going to look differently as opposed to having a child who’s 10 years old that can help out with the chores in some instances whether that’s laundry or dishes what have you. I hope this helps you’re not alone.
I think he’s being lazy but honestly, if this is an option then use it. And make him foot the bill since he has chosen he can’t help at all.
24 Likes
Housework is NOT a woman’s job! It involves all that live in the household.
As another commenter said, if housework is a woman’s job, then it’s a man’s job to pay the bills and support the family. At this point, I’m assuming that would mean he takes on another job. So, he can either take on another workforce job or he can take on the the job of sharing the load at home. His choice. 
Your husband needs to kick rocks and get with the times.
17 Likes
Depending on how far you have to drive… It should be a partnership. .Honestly… I worked 2 full time jobs and still had my house on point… So to me it like WOW…REALLY? A MAID? JUST MY OPINION
I think it’s ridiculous but make him pay for the maid.
My hubby and i both work outside the house we come home and make sure dinner is done and the house is cleaned. It’s a team effort
Get a maid! I have always had one.
Sounds to me like you married and boy and not a man
He’s definitely selfish & lazy. Stop doing it all. Cook dinner, wash dishes, do laundry etc for you & your kids. Do so until you’re able to take your kids & leave. The little boy you’re married to won’t grow up.
Hes being selfish and lazy. He helps make the mess, he can help clean it up. Stop washing his laundry and cooking for him and see how long it takes him to change his mind.
9 Likes
He is selfish and lazy. Hire a maid. Make him pay
He is being lazy and gross but honestly I’d hire a maid if possible, it’s so helpful, even just doing floors and bathrooms/kitchen.
LOL it’s a woman’s job = I’m too lazy
I hate when men say that shit
Might as well stay home entirely if he’s not willing to help with the house. By the time you pay a chef (because bugger cooking every night after working) and a cleaner, there goes a fairly big chunk of what you would have been earning. And if housework is a woman’s job, then working outside the home is a man’s job.
He needs to grow up. We are all tired at the end of the day, but you do what you have to do unless you have the luxury of being able to afford such services.
By the time you pay a maid…you might as well stay part time!
I would tell him he can pay me to stay at home and clean😂
Your not being selfish. It’s not uncommon to have someone come over and clean when both parents work as it doesn’t take away from the 30 percent left he doesn’t need to be a dick about it but maybe if he said it like this you would be more open minded…
Well his mindset sucks!! However, does he work 40 hours or does he work 60 plus hours a week. As a professional cleaner, I know from experience…a lot of couples hire a cleaner because one or both of them work far more than 40 hours a week and simply don’t have time to keep up with the home. I am not trying to sway your decision his way…I hate when men act like they shouldn’t have to do any housework…but he may have a valid thought on this if he simply works a lot. There are affordable cleaners and there are cleaners who will help with dishes and laundry…just have to shop around.
I’m so over men who think this way!
Yes it’s what most people do. It’s what makes a marriage work where the partners work together to get the household stuff done. It’s not fair to put it on just one person. If he wants a maid he needs to pay for the maid himself and none of your money goes to a maid especially when it was his idea not yours. If he can’t get out of this mindset that it’s a woman’s job to clean then maybe you should just stay home and tend to the house and watch how quickly he changes his tone once there’s only 1 income coming in and it’s only him.
It depends on the job. Someone working hard manual labor out in the heat or cold will be more tired than someone with an office job. He suggested the maid, take him up on it, you get a break too.
This is a pretty big issue that you’re dealing with. He doesn’t think he needs to be an active participant in the household. I think you need to sit down with and lay out alll the jobs that would need to be done. Show him what the maid would cover and what he would still need to step up and do. And personally I think you may need to start working just so you can start preparing. This kind of treatment isn’t healthy in a relationship.
I have same problem I do 16hrs a week and do all the house work and most of the cooking. He works full time and doesn’t really help cooks the occasional meal if I’m lucky
If he wants to hire cleaning person, he pays her out of his pocket, sounds like he’s just being lazy to me
I’m a stay at home mom, my husband works long hours often out of town for 5 days at a time and when he’s home he still helps clean up, cook, do laundry and whatever else just needs to be done and has never complained. It takes a team to keep up with a home.
Housework is NOT only a woman’s job. We aren’t in the 1930s anymore. It sounds like he’s just being lazy. I work, my husband works, we both clean. He’s an adult and there’s nothing wrong with him helping. Your husband is being lazy and selfish.
Sounds like he was never responsible for household chores growing up smh. Stop washing his clothes for a while. Bet he won’t be going to work in smelly clothes for long he’ll learn quick
It’s 100% effort for both of you to maintain the home when you’re both working full time. It should be 100 effort regardless honestly. In every aspect of home and life.
That’s just straight up laziness and chauvinism. But if that’s what he wants then let him pay and make him take care of his valuables before she comes. If something comes up missing then it’s on him. Also, if he’s set on that then make him help you hire so he can’t come back on you if there’s issues with maid service.
1 Like
Why even work full time if your gonna take money to pay a maid
Me and my bf both work full time. We both cook. We both clean. We both do laundry. We both bathe the kid.
Think he’s being lazy. They always seem for it all the time they think your gonna be doing everything as soon as u mention they may have to do more it’s a different story. Ask him why was it ok when he assumed you’d still be doing all the house work and working but as soon as you mention he will have to help out more he suggests getting a maid like is it just a womens job then. Are both partners not supposed to be working 50 50 together. When one can’t the other picks up the slack until they can and vice versa.
I can help you out with a work from home, set your own hours. Send me a PM for information
Honestly, my husband works a very physically demanding job and also drives 2 hours each way and always put in at least 10 hour work days.
Everyone’s situation is different. He does help but I never ask anything of him and if I do, it’s small. He does help more one of his 3 days off. That’s how we do work as a team. I know he’s more physically and mentally tired than I am so I do most everything. And I’m ok with that. I definitely don’t think it makes him lazy.
But everyone’s situation is different. Also, is this new behavior? If he used to help and now says he’s too tired, maybe he’s working through things. Mentality tires people out. It’s worth talking about.
I’m not making excuses for lazy men. Someone who is perfectly fine and working an office job absolutely should help. Even if the mom is a stay at home mom. But just because he’s a man, doesn’t necessarily mean he’s at his 100% all the time and maybe you should communicate with him and just come to a common ground.
He’s being selfish, BUT if he wants to foot the bill for a maid then GO for it because it takes away so much stress for everyone. He’s basically letting you know he’s not going to contribute to the housework and so you will still being doing it on your own and you will resent him.
I work less than my partner, so I pick up most of the housework, groceries, errands etc., that recently changed and I started to work more. We divided task up and even have the kids helping to accomplish what needs to be done. We don’t do a ton outside our home (trips etc) so once a month I have a cleaning service come in and clean top to bottom…
A home is where everyone lives & contributes.
He’s lazy. Being “tired” is a terrible excuse. We’re all tired. I’m sure you are also tired, but he didn’t take that into consideration.
He should b helping you.i wouldn’t b getting no maid that’s crazy to me.
1 Like
He may really be that tired.
If housework is a woman’s job put him in the doghouse. 
2 Likes
I totally think it should be a team work to clean the house.
But, if he is willing to hire a maid to help out around the house I would take it. But it would be from his paycheck. Because it’s his want of maid.
My husband works full time….I’m a stay at home mom. He still does household chores if I’m behind on things and does anything I ask of him. Because we’re a partnership. And just because I am a stay at home MOM doesn’t mean I’m just a housewife who’s only job is cleaning.
Sounds like he needs to wear a nappy and be fed by a bottle while he’s at it. You’re not his mother, if he can create mess he can clean it. Definitely need to knock some sense into that boy should I say.
I was a stay at home mom for 10 years so when I started working it took a while for my husband to realize he needed to step up. Since he gets home before I do he cleans the house. Honestly the only other thing I do other than work is cook dinner. He keeps the house cleans and helps with homework while I cook once we are done eating. We pick up the kitchen and call it a day. We did make a rule toh. At 730 that’s it. No more housework we just spend time with the kids .
When I stayed home I did it all. When my husband stayed home he did it all. When we both worked we both do it. If you can afford it then hire the maid. We spend so much time working and cleaning. Take the time to do other things like spending time together and with the kids.