If your step children were still young I would advise not to. But considering these are adults and picture is being painted I would address them. Tell them you’ve reached out to their mum and say that you respect and have always got along with her. However, you don’t want them viewing their father in a bad light when it isn’t true. I mean it must bother your step children for it to be brought up twice, they clearly believe it. Good luck hope you can resolve it
You are confronting the ex wife/mom but she isn’t the one asking. Show his kids proof of their dads support payments and let them deal with their lying mother. It’s not your job to find out why she is lying to them. That’s their job!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is my husbands ex a liar?
Did he pay his child support tho???
Its not your responsibility to clear that up… its his
What is it you need advice on exactly? Either he really didn’t pay, or the mother used it to pay things like food, bills, and other things. I don’t know any mother who saved all the money they got and then gave it to their kids when they turned 18. Why would they say he never paid child support in the first place?
Create a group chat with bm, hubs and the kids, ask her there.
Did he pay? If so tell dad to show them a paystub or banks statement. But really what does it matter, it’s water under the bridge by now the kids are grown.
Go to court get the paperwork showing he did…end of discussion
First off it’s none of the kid’s business what he did rather the mom paid bills with it or bought the kids treats with it. The mom is bashing the dad cause y’all must be living right while she is out there living with the devil
Have hubby flat out tell his children he paid, have him tell them if they were told he didn’t they need to take it up with their mom because she apparently used the money on herself.
There’s always a paper trail for child support payments so I would start w that to show the kids that proof is black n white on paper. N just leave the lying woman to reap what she sowed by lying to the kids
This isn’t your place to clear anything up…that is between him and her and their kids… Imo you’re over stepping!
Why not just show them proof? Pretty simple, your problem is solved. They can then take it up with their mother.
What did he do pay child support under the table & not through the courts. Is that why she is saying that stuff because there is no proof
It’s not your issue. Maybe the money went to bills and just general upkeep of the children. Did they think she was supposed to put it directly into their hand?
Your husband or the courts should have records of payment. That’s easy to clear up.
Have him go to child support and get all payment receipts to prove that he paid… we had to do that and quickly it got resolved
My mother-in-law did the same thing. She asked her ex-husband to pay child support until my husband was 21. She kicked him out shortly after his 18th birthday. Never told my husband that his dad was still paying child support. Never told The ex-husband that she kicked her son out at 18. My Husband and I have been married a little over 30 years. He found out about four years after we were married and his mom had done that to him. My husband struggled for years because of it.
They are grown adults now & can handle knowing someone is lying…their mom in this case. Just let them know you aren’t overstepping you also raised them and they should know the truth.
If she won’t answer you, she’s probably spent it on herself. So you have to talk to his kids. She is most likely broke and wants money. So my advice is trust your hubby and keep the convos of her not answering. The best thing is to stay out of it, as hard as it is to not stand up for your husband. The truth will come to light in time. So just don’t try with it anymore. Thats my best advice.
If she was on any kind of assistance they probably took the child to pour it in the kid didn’t see anything
How do the kids know whether he actually paid or not? Does your husband have proof he can show you? Regardless… If the mom used the money for bills, clothes, groceries, utilities, car payments, etc. the kids wouldn’t see a dime anyways… ridiculous to fight over after so much time has passed. Just be thankful you’re all alive, healthy & still have eachother!!!
Why does it matter if they are now grown?
If they’re filing taxes together and the taxes aren’t being taken then he paid them.
Provide the paperwork he received for the courts saying he met his child support obligations, then it’s settled
I would get the documentation where it was paid and give each child a copy.
I’m sure it’s causing resentment and friction between the kids, their dad, and yourself.
If it was court ordered & came out of his check then there’s proof. If not I don’t know how to track it
To everyone who say it’s overstepping, you honestly sound like a bitter ex with insecurities. They are married, those are her bonus children and her and her husbands money. Obviously she cares about those kids as well and wants to just make sure they got the money they were supposed to get. That is far from overstepping when it is her finances involved as well.
Get a transcript of the support payments and send it to her and the kids… you need need to find out for yourself if he paid it all, was ever behind, or didn’t pay some of it. Don’t further comment or make a scene about it, as transcripts would be proof enough and let them see it for themselves.
You need to get reciept of child support payments and hand it to the kids no need for any other explaination.
Does your husband have proof he completed his obligation
Its weird to me that grown adults are asking this question! You honestly don’t need to say anything. Make husband handle it. I wouldn’t even bring up to ex. Are they looking for money now?
Why after all
These years are the kids concerned for it?
Go to the court and get the paperwork it’s not hard and boom mouths are shut.
He should be able to get the information from child support either through them the court or there should be a website with information in NYC there is a website that shows every payment made and arrears tel him to contact your local child support office and see if they have that
They probably know she’s lying & the only way to prove it is for you or their father to provide “proof”. Cause if she’s been lying the whole time surely she’s not gonna show them any….
My step brother would always come to the house and tell his dad. Mom wants to know where her child support money is for me. Wants to know when you will be paying it. My step dad and my mom would pull out all the paper work showing him its been paid. She got her child support money for you. After showing him all the proof. He went back asking his mom where did all the money go. Cause he seen all the proof that its been paid and never late.
I’d find paperwork and show them. Tell them you’ve always liked and got along w/ their Mom, but it’s unfair to everyone if they think he was negligent, then show proof. Make copies for each k8d
I would explain to them that’s it’s really non of their concern considering that they are grown now but if they really needed to know and y’all really are on as good of terms as you say have a family dinner and discuss it with all parties so nobody can go back later and say “no that’s not true”
Almost none of this question makes sense.
The ex wife seems to have some type of jealousy towards you .
Ask child support for documentation on all past paid child support payments then hand it to the kids.
If he paid his child support an u know for a fact he did with receipts then show his kids the receipts that way it’s on his ex to explain to them what happened but if he’s saying he did to u an has no proof what so ever then u need to question ur husband
Easy solution… since everyone is so comfortable with each other. Have a “family” dinner or meeting… Confront your husband and his ex in front of the kids. Everyone will find out the truth at the same time. Maybe this is a situation where the mother spent the child support on herself, and the kids never saw a dime. That could be why they are under the impression that their father never paid.
We’re they garnishments or did he just hand her cash? If he had court ordered support, and it went thru the system, then it’s really easy to establish if he paid bc he’ll either have arrears on record or he won’t, and you can figure that out in one phone call to [the relevant counties] child support enforcement office.
Get a print out from them of all the payments and show the kids.
Seems like some thing everyone should let go of if he knows he paid it and they don’t believe him then so be it but no need to make a bigger deal outta something that really didn’t effect him
Oh wow that is crazy! Show them the proof that’s what I would do. I’m glad my step kids know damn well the truth on everything that has happened even though she brainwashed them as much as she could they see how Dad has been with one woman (me) their whole life while she has been through several men.
In FL there’s the website ESIS that shows all payments see if you have something like that where you can screenshot it all.
Her 1st husband paid her child support up to date. Her now husband did not fulfill his obligations to his children who are now grown . Ex wife their mom of grown kids are now questioning him why he did not pay.
I believe you paid child support, because after all them years, of her coming over, she would have said something to you, I will get the papers from the court, talk to my husband, , let her explain
My husband ex wife told their kids the same thing and they still didn’t believe my husband he went to child support and got a print out and showed them he paid it and they now know who was lying
Just move on it doesnt matter yall raised the children right and nothin should matter anymore
First off they are adults and they need to speak with their dad about it one on one and leave you out of it. Trust me on this one. When it comes to this touchy of a subject let him handle it
Get the paperwork from the court stating he paid it then there is your proof after u got that proof it’s up to the kids to take that up with their mother not u
Leave the past where it’s supposed to be the past
He should have some type of paper work or even court orders showing he paid it. Just show the kids the paper work if mom is going to ignore the situation or best around the bush with the kids since the question has come about yet again. The paper work will show his name and hers and to which child it was to be paid for right in it. If needed go up to the local child support office and request a copy they will give it to you.
Just show them the paperwork that he paid all this time
Show the paperwork to the kids and then tell them to mind their business cuz that seems like a pretty disrespectful and condescending question for them to keep asking
Don’t waste your time answering for your husband and his ex-wife. If the grown kids ask direct them to their parents.
I really would just say they he’s always paid child support
Why doesn’t ur husband talk to his own kids about this? They are grown and can have an adult conversation with their dad. Why r u n the ex even taking about it?
Get the records and prove it to them. She isn’t going to fix it… if you want the accusations to stop, then hand them the printout!
There was a whole lot of unnecessary information given. So in other words some 30 + year-olds care that some child support may or may not have been given to their mother… Because it wasn’t going to them it was going to their mom for them. And it bothers you that they extra grown ass are worried or care. I myself wouldn’t even be worried bothered or concerned I would let him deal with that on his own
Show them the paperwork. Just cause they’re grown doesn’t mean the lies didn’t/don’t hurt them
Tell the adult children the truth about their lying mother!
I feel the people saying they’re grown and that it doesn’t matter probably pulled that shady shit themselves
If the kids are adults they can research it themselves. If it was court ordered there is a record of it. If it was just an agreement and he paid but check there is a record of it. If he paid her cash it was not a smart move and they need to get their parents together and hash it outin any case. It is the parents issue to resolve not the step parents.
Seems like the kids are lying 🤷
I had this same problem so I got a print out and gave one to each of his children and simply said… We will not discuss this any further here is black and white proof of what was done. Now anything further you can take it up with your mother.
Why are you mad ??? You have proof … show the kids… move on.
Tell the kids to ask her and show the receipts for child support
Why does it matter? They grown now 🤦🏽
Let it go and move on, you both know you have he paid so why worry
Answer the kids, tell the truth. It’s her fault if she lied, not yours.
Since the question keeps coming up so you can’t just ignore it, I would get the child who is asking and the ex wife together (even if by phone) and ask Infront of the child why she is lying and if she denies it again I would provide the child with the paperwork. Hopefully this will put an end to it. This will give her a chance to be honest and if she isn’t it will prove to the child she is lying and hopefully you never have to explain again
We got custody of my stepson when he was 13. And his Mom tried that.When we got custody of him the only way we could get his mother to sign our settlement agreement was if we paid her an increase in CS for the 3 1/2 years we fought for custody.We we’re trying to get custody as we feared he was being molested by his sibling.Of course we agreed,because we just wanted him out.His mother told him he had to give her “permission” to sign the papers and that he was sacrificing himself to “save” his brothers(because she was told if we went to trial and we won the courts would remove her other children as well). We had him a year when we figured out he was molesting one of our Nonverbal twins.We went through the Juvenile system and had him placed in a facility.His mother refuses to admit he was molested by his brother or that he molested my son.When he got out at 18 he asked the courts for supervised visitation.His mother refuses to see or talk to him.She doesn’t respect his boundaries and wants him to come to her. I sure hope she’s good at holding her breath. If they are adults they will see the light and figure out who was telling the truth and who wasn’t.
Don’t worry the truth will come out. You know what you both did . So no worries Love you and Peaceful Rest
Let your husband handle it
If he has the proof then he needs to show them! Key word here is him. He needs to speak to his kids and find out who told them this info and if it was the ex they all need to sit down and have a family meeting . You thought you had a good relationship with his ex but if she stays shut when asked obviously she doesnt feel the same . What matters now is that all the kids are healthy and grown time to leave the past in the past after the convo .
The support money doesn’t go directly to the children.
I wouldn’t say it’s any of they’re business.
Yep you can only say u did … move on
As much as you don’t want to start an all out war she has lied, she made her own bed, you only have to say that it was always paid, show the evidence of it if they push for it but you don’t need to say more than that.
Casually mention it to her in front of the grown kids and see how she reacts. Surely she can’t continue the lie to them while right there in your presence.
Probably spending most of the money on herself
Call child support and ask for a copy of his payments and show that to the kids.
They are grown, tell them the truth
We’re the kids loved and cared for by both parents? Did they have everything they needed? If yes then why are the kids concerned they wouldn’t have gotten that money anyway
What does your Husband say about it???
It is your husband’s place to clear up if he did or not pay not your place too
Sounds like she’s trying to make it to where their kids hate their father. Just show them proof that he paid it
Ah si she spent all the child support on herself ehh??
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Tell the kids one more time the truth and tell them that you don’t know why their mother is not being truthful. Then leave it at that, you have been married 30 years, no your problem if she is bitter. If after all this they continue with it just ignore them, only so many times you can tell people something.
Grown kids wanna know something have them ask it’s not your job to be the go between…
She took it for herself. I wish the banks looked into this more & the legal system.
Wow his ex sounds like a real piece of work. Sounds like she kept the kids money for herself.
Call child support. They can mail you documents that prove he has paid it.
Up to the dad to say and set straight.