This is such an easy fix with communication and payment records. Talk to them.
I would let it go. Just let him explain it to them and move on. Itâs not worth the headache. At least you know what a lying troll she is and you can write her off!
Get them to ask the parent that didnât pay
If ur husband was going thru the courts he shld have some type proof he paid. My dads first child is 54 years old. He always paid even when deployed to Vietnam. After his death my siblings and i found the pprwrk issued to him stating his child support obligations were finished and completed. If he paid by check and you still have the same bank⌠they shld have all your records still of the cancelled checks.
Basically show them the hard proof your husband did pay and whatever they have been lead to believe has no ground
Just explain to his grown kids that their mums full of shit and even get your husband to get the bank statements showing he paid her and prove it to them!
Stay out of it and tell his children to go ask their mom where their CS went⌠Show them the proof of his payments and leave it at that.
If you have profe pull it out and show them
This is not your problem to handle your husband needs to tell the kids he has been paying
If he paid, there will be a record of it.
Why doesnât he just tell/show them he did, why do they believe he didnât?
Get copies of the case from support office at court house and mail them all a copy
Let your husband deal with the mother of children
Show them the receipts?
Why is this any of your business
Have your husband handle his grown kids. Find the proof and provide copies to all of them. Leave it there and they will figure it out.
Not your place to question it
Get proof from state child support office that he paid or has no balance.
So Iâm a child who had no idea my dad even paid child support. I found out this year ( Iâm almost 29) that my dad did. I honestly am so upset at the fact my mom made him out to be this p.o.s I havenât even brought it up, because I already know how itâs going to go. Not to sound harsh but it isnât your place to be involved in, that is between the kids and the parents
Let your husband provide the proof and they can take it up with their mom
Why do you care so much? I donât see how it matters, he paid so if they believe her or not, it really doesnât matter!
Seems like they are blaming youâŚmaybeâŚunderline maybe as Iâm not sure but maybeâŚsomeone along the line is suggesting it was your faultâŚyou didnât or donât like them. Let them ask the dad about the payments. He is still around âŚyes?
He needs to show the records, if there arenât any did he actually pay any ???
Itâs just a question why are yâall being dicks. They have been married for 30 years how is it not her place to question it when her step children that she has been in their lives for all this time would ask such a thing wouldnât you be concerned knowing your husband paid his child support all those years lol
Its on record very clearly if he actually did and are easy to get from the courts registar. Thatâs the only way everyone will know.
They are adults. You shouldnât even be in this, they should ask their parents, if they need more answers.
At this point, itâs just petty to even be living in the past like that.
You are helping fuel it by staying involved.
If theyâre grown-up Adults let them ask him!
If it went through the court thereâs a paper trail.
I mean how would the kids know about child support if one of their parents wasnât talking about it? To quell the arguement have him show his kids the paperwork that he did indeed pay and leave it at that. Donât make it an issue because the kids are being manipulated and donât need to be made to feel any worse. Once the proof is shown then the kids can deal with their mom about it and you all stay out of it.
I wouldnât entertain it much. Iâd simply say it wasnât true and move onâŚ
Sheâs wondering if any of the following no doubt :
The father paid and the ex said he hadnât to the kids and used to money for herself.
The father didnât pay the ex and told the current he did pay, to spend the money elsewhere .
If he has paid and has proof then thereâs nothing to worry about. If he hasnât paid but told you he has then heâs lied
Somebody is lying, either your husband or the ex-wife, but nonetheless, donât feed into any drama. It should be simple enough for your husband to talk to his kids and then let it go. Is it possible he wasnât paying? Or is she creating an excuse because she managed the money poorly? If the kids are all grown now, why does it keep coming up, it seems as though your husband didnât address it the last time? Is there a reason he isnât?
This is something entirely upnto your husband he needs proof he paid loyally and up to date. Other than that leave it alone really itâs none of your affair
He must have some proof that he paid?! Show them proof!
Why are you confronting their mom their grown adults?.. If it bothers u that ur step children are saying this then tell their dad to prove he did or explain why he didnât to them but you should stay out of it when it comes to them your only going to make things worse⌠And if u want to continue ur friendly relationship with their mom Iâd leave her the hell alone about her babiesâŚ
I would also refer them to their dad why he didnât he provide for them. But always remind them that you and your new husband provided for their needs. It not about blame but to move forward. They are adults now let them confront the father.
I doubt the ex would have been so friendly all those years and birthday parties if she wasnât getting a child support check. Why would she tell the kids that she received no support?
Why do 30 year old adults care about child support from their childhood years? Theyâve all clearly exceeded the age itâs paid thru. If there were concerns shouldnât they have been brought up at least 12 years ago.
He probably did pay but she never told the kids.
Its fairly easy to get proof that its been paid. Just find the records and show the kids. Theyll realize who the real one is.
What are you going to do if it turns out he never paid though and this whole time he supported you and your kids and not the ones from his previous marriage? Hmm.
I would tell your husband whats being said if he doesnât know already and get him to speak to the kids but they are grown now if you know your partner paid his way for the kids but his ex either just lied to the kids or kept the money for herself then thats on her and let the adult children believe who they like the main thing is he paid for them when he was ment to. What they believe isnt relevant xx
Do you have receipts where he paid his support? If they keep bribing it up show them! They are grown.
I would provide financial records to the adult children and then let them take it up with their mother. Either their mother has lied to them about their father not providing support or your husband has lied to you.
Honestly in front of everyone I would give the kids the court records. Obviously mom manipulated the kids and told them he didnât pay. And then say to them, this is all part of the past so we should let it go and move forward. No one needs to be upset over this, your mom did the best she could and maybe she was more angry with your dad than we realized so she exaggerated the truth. Here are the payment records and details of the divorce. All we care about is your happiness and this keeps coming up so now you have your answers.
Then never address it again. My mom did the same to me. She wanted me to hate my dad.
Iâd be fuming wanting to know what my husband had been doing with the money if he hadnât been paying the child support personally Iâd ask him about it x
Since you all seem to get along fine as a family unit why not get together and have an adult discussion. Since everyone seems to be of age at this point. No one can lie if youâre all there.
If you know for a fact your husband paid then the mom wasnât showing it to the kids.
And then again thatâs one of the sources that she took care of the kids with so she really dont have to tell them shit and you really should not have went to her about it.
You should have told your husband and then he can show them proof.
Theyâre also grown so TF!!!
Itâs not your place. Let your husband handle his business.
I would refer them to the child support office. He can get a printout I think
Have an open discussion in front of everybody and let the truth sort it out
If he didnât pay his support the court can still take his money even thought the kids are adults.
There will be a past due balance.
But heâs a grown ass man, let him handle his shit.
Now that the kids are adults you can cut the baby mama out and let her create her own drama with her kids.
Sheâs obviously trying to stir the pot.
Those kids may have been talking about growing up and why they missed out on certain things so they asked her and that was her answer. She redirected them. So they wanna know why he didnât pay and why they missed out on account on him .
Especially if the other kids were taken care of and missed out on nothing.
You really gotta look behind the questions they are asking. Thereâs a reason why.
Would she of came to parties and so on and been friends with you if he was not paying?.. Something would of been saidâŚ
But they are adult children Iâd let the dad sort this argument/issue and just tell them the truth you have always assumed he took care of them financially.
She doesnât need to tell her kids about her finances. She used the money for their upbringing. The kids were not entitled to the money. It was for their care.
He can go to the child support office at the court house and request records showing his payments if itâs that important all these years later.
Im sure the ex wife spoken bad about your husband saying that he doesnt help financialy. Kids are asking okay so they deserve an answer. It doesnât matter how old they are. They should know. I think that calls for a family meetingâŚbut you donât say anything. Let your husband do the talking. Just him and his kids while you and the ex wife sits there. Evidently even though the kids are adults it been bothering them for years.
I would simply explain to them
that child support is paid to the guardian or parent not the child. I would then remind them that the food, clothes and roof over their heads growing up was not free and child support was used for that. If they wanted cash this this something they would need to take up with their mother.
And the question is again
I will be the odd man out on this. They got married, he had kids and she had kids. He paid his child support the way he should but in doing so that was an expense they both dealt with. His child support had to be looked at as a monthly payment and dealt with the same as any other monthly payment. Iâm not saying anything against child support⌠except for the fact I never received any from my dead beat ex⌠it is something that needs to be paid and done so willingly. In essence, she also paid child support on his kids. I think she has every right to be involved in this discussion.
Go to the bank get the statements show the kids . Let them be the judge
He can go to child support websites and pull up his payments. Or call them to ask they send notice if it was paid off. Then show kids
Sounds like the kids are spoiled, and are looking for something. Obviously if he didnât pay no way in hell would there be a good relationship between the EX. The kids were fed, clothed, and had a roof over there head. What does it matter now that they are older if the dad gave or didnât.
I donât get itâŚat this point what difference does it make, why are they in your business, and who cares who told what? Personally, Iâd look them all in the eye and tell them where to go. You didnât mention your children and that maybe they mentioned it to their step-siblings, or that maybe your husband could have mentioned it as an off-hand remark to his ex. Personally, I wouldnât bother with the nonsense. Whatever happened or didnât happen, years ago, about child support doesnât have anything to do with them. They all had a roof over their heads, sufficient food, clothes on their backs, loving parents, and a educationâŚshut up already!
Their mom I bet told them growing up that dad didnât pay her child support and thatâs why she couldnât buy them certain thingsâŚ
Canceled checks are an irrefutable proof.
At this point in your life its unimportant. If the kids want to know let them ask him. The dirt bag
If they are grown just show proof. Nothing else needs to be said.
Just show them the proof that he did and tell them they need to confront their mother as to why sheâs lying and ask them to not bring it up again. They are grown. It shouldnât matter anymore.
Not your place. Find your place and KNOW IT. That is a conversation for the kids to have with their mother and father, NOT YOU.
Did she bring him to court or is it heresay? Thatâs your answer. Did you have access to his account thatâs another answer. The ex playing dumb but telling her kids is another answer.
Well maybe the wife as kept it not spent on kids anyway and that why they asking now!
How about mailing them proof of payments and tell them ask their mom where it went
It sounds like itâs a issue to he discussed between the ex wife and him, and the children.
Did mom lie and tell them dad wasnât paying when he was (to gain the kids favor) OR did you assume dad was paying when he wasnât?
Donât stress about something like this - the children are now adults & can do their own questioning
Iâm going to say they are probably asking why didnât he pay it while they were children. If heâs been paying for 30yrs and just now finished his obligation then he was really in the arrears with back child support. Maybe they want to know why he wasnât paying when they were children and it took 30yrs to pay it off
This is not Your battle. Let your husband handle this issue with his kids. Their mother has done what she has doneâŚor not done. He chooses how to respond to themâŚor not.
Donât confront the ex lol
There is a paper trail will supportâŚshow the adult kids.
My advice to you as a woman with similar situations is to bring this up in the persences of all the family, by Godâs grace you are all alive so please sorr it out now.
Thereâs proof!! Tell him to get it & show the kids. Someone is lying some where. If itâs mom, then it will come out with paper work.
Maybe the grown children need to ask their father why he never paid? If they are old enough to do that.
I donât see the problem?? HE didnât pay his child support!!! Is this affecting your marriage???
Itâs not your battle to fight. I donât see how itâs relevant 23+ years later. Yours husband needs to deal with his ADULT children.
Show the kids the receipts. I canât believe the kids never once brought this up while growing up
Mayb just say to the mother that since itâs become an issue now for the kids to tell them the truth. But really who cares at this point
So your saying your husbandâs kids are asking or your kids are asking? Because it sounds like your hubbies kids are asking you not your kids. I know you said ypu donât treat them differently and visa versa, I get it but dome are his with said ex and some are your with said ex. 1. If itâs your hubbies kiddos then let them know their dad did pay. If they say mom says he didnât. Get the proof. Easy enough to call the bank and ask for old as records. And if she the ex says I never said that then family meeting time and confront the issue with her head on. You could make it a letâs get together dinner and not tell anyone why and just come out and ask the questions you need answered. Iâm not one to like family secrets and we have always had open honest conversations even when uncontrollable or confrontational. It all works out and you will be stronger as a family for it. 2. If itâs your ex and your kids Iâd say have them talk to their father and ask him why. You took care of them, raised them, handled all social/emotional issues. If he didnât they already know the answer. Let them know you understand they have questions about why he chose to do what he did but you canât answer those questions for him. Itâs on him to answer them himself. If he refuses at least you can tell your kiddos they tried and thatâs that. 3. Help them to move on. Life is to short. Canât take back or change the past so set forward to newer greener better parts of life. Good luck and God bless.
Ummm First of all, You shouldnât be confronting the Ex about C/S, that is an issue between her and the kids Dad. Secondly if he met his obligations then there would be RECORDS of doing so, If he has recently met those obligations then what his children are asking IS legit, He was in arrears when they were children. Which AGAIN is HIS responsibility to explain WHY, I wouldnât be so QUICK to assume thier Mother is Lying if you couldnât pull out paperwork to show otherwise. How much do you REALLY know?
As a child that went throu all that fun stuff but opposite genders if itâs through courts or money orders u can find proof of it all and show the kids it all u can just hand them it and say it was Paid her u go donât fight with it all if thereâs no proof then u canât really do much on it but just sit down and explain hey this is what we did we never knew this this and this and involve the mom cause when u put a person on the spot it makes it harder to lie on things
Itâs nothing to handle. Donât show up for Poop Show.
It is DEFINITELY her business especially if she been doing the finances, and even with that the fuck you mean she shouldnât be in it? Sheâs been married to him for years and guess what if they tried to go for back pay child support it could screw up their finances even more. She has every right to be in the middle of this and anyone who is saying itâs not her business are ridiculous. However the kids considering theyâre now adults shouldnât be giving a fuck about child support but Iâd show proof still.
This is your husbands business. Even though youâre married a long timeâŚ. Heâs the one that needs to deal with it.
Buncha dummies on here.
I wouldnât even bother with the ex as long as the kids (adultâs) now know he did pay and all the obligations were met who cares.
How would you not know if he wasnât paying child support? Did he have his wages garnished? Did you never see a pay stub of his or not ever look at your bank account to see the payments being made? Why donât you let him and his ex handle this and you stay out of it?
You can get back support through the courts
She probably got the payments lied to her kids n kept the cash for herselfâŚbut let her kids take it up with her n if he did pay support let him show proof even cash can be provenâŚdunno y at over 30 years old these grown adults r bothered, they should be more concerned why their mom jacked their cash⌠just sayinâŚ
My ex-husband didnât pay court ordered support either. Our children questioned him in front of his 2nd (now ex) wife. He said we agreed that he didnât have to pay support. A few days later, my son took the mail out of the mailbox and found the yearly letter from the county court house about how behind he is on support, but since my children are all over 18, there isnât anything I can do. But I still get they yearly notice of how behind he is on support because he has not told the county clerks office he doesnât live at my address. I guess if he would tell them he moved, he would have to pay the consequences and back child support.
Not your circus not your monkeys. This is a situation your husband has to sort out with his child and ex wife.
And if you are doubtful after 30 years of marriage if he is a good father that was giving child support then that question should be directly asked to him, but I guess after 30 years married sure you figured this out.
Simple make a copy of the child support paid with no error & send it to the adult children.
Well itâs honestly none of your business. Why does it matter?