If These are online only then maybe you guys can work it out. Maybe he talks to them the way he wish he could you but doesn’t wanna be trash or scare you. I’m not excusing his behavior but I don’t know if I would throw away ur happy marriage either. If he was acting on them then I would say leave. But sounds to me like he’s not taking anything away from U and this just maybe an outlet for his sexual fantasy. Talk with him. But give it time before u do so u can sort out how u try feel. Nothing in this situation is easy. You have to follow your own heart and do what u can live with. No one can tell you how to feel and or judge you.
I’m sorry you may find it insensitive to say get out now, but no one wants to give you false hope. Sure you can speak to him, have a heart to heart, seek counseling but you have to be able to truly forgive. And broken trust like this runs deep. No one doubts you love this man, you built a life together. I’ve been here with my ex…started out small with just porn and it escalated to where you are now and one point he was even going to lie to me and not come home for a break from his deployment (he was a soldier) and go fly to her instead…a woman a stranger whom he had nasty calls with. I married to this man for 10 yrs. You can love someone and discover they are only a small chapter in your story. After our divorce I met and married the love of my life and qe have a toddler together now. Now don’t get me wrong…Im not saying you two are doomed to part ways…but my situation even with intervention and counseling, I continued to catch him for several more years before I Finally chose myself. It’s okay to choose yourself first, you have children who need to see to see their Momma happy. Good luck 
He sounds like a sex addict. Would he possibly get help? I left but there was more to it for me… only you know what you believe is possible in your marriage.
Honestly only you can make the decision. What do you want to do? Do u feel like, even if u do couples counseling and things dont change, that you would have wasted your time and energy or do you feel like good you knew you did everything you could?
Ask him if its ok for you to go have a romp in the sack with a hottie!!!
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i never had that happen … wow id be hurt… guess start with talk it out since you dont wanna leave, if not youll pop
I think honest and open communication about what you found is warranted. Perhaps it’s just a kinky fetish. But he needs to understand how this makes you feel and to keep his impulse at bay. Why does he feel the need to do these things online? There’s usually a reason. Maybe a marriage therapist can help guide you. I’m sorry.
did counseling, couples and perhaps individual as well, occur after the first infidelity? if not why not. counseling helps all to learn trust, expectations, mutual honesty. what partnership means. communication skills, and so much more. so would counseling assist in this situation or not. that must be decided by both individuals with reasonings of why and why not.
Get out now baby.
It won’t improve.
You and your children don’t deserve this.
Run for the hills. xxx
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Can you suggest marriage counseling to him?
Does he have his own phone, why is it on your phone?
Porn isn’t a big deal to me because I watch it and insta models aren’t a big deal looking at those half naked models are the new dirty magazine but it’s a whole other level being on a video chat website and commenting gross stuff on pictures. I would have to look him dead in his face and ask if a man did that to his daughter would it be okay?
Men are always going to look, but acting on it with a real person on video chat is a no-no.
That would bother me to no end…
I don’t have any advice I just wanted to send you love 
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I’m currently going through the same thing and I’m asking the same thing.
I’m so sorry u have to deal with this. Go slow, pray, seek counseling
If I were in your shoes I would try marriage counseling. I’m sorry that you’re going through this.
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I would never… resentment would grow for me! Good luck
People do change only if that person wants it
I have been in a very similar situation… I’d be happy to share if you’d like to PM me.
If he wants to save the marriage make him delete all social media or he needs to give you the passwords to everything.
If it offends you and you feel hurt and betrayed in any way then leave him
Save the trouble. He was videoing another woman off a nasty site etc. Don’t stay blind. Its time to leave for sure unless you don’t respect yourself enough
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You need to talk to him about what you found and see what he says he might have a problem my ex husband had a problem with porn after so long I couldn’t take it anymore and I left with my son he has to want to change cause if he don’t nothing will ever get better it will just get worse believe me I know I lived in it for years because of our son but I just couldn’t do it anymore I wish you all the best
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Me and my ex were “happy” too, and then I found out he was having online affairs for months behind my back. That was the first time for us, but it still completely ruined me. But I was willing to work through it and we went to counseling. And THEN he did it again as soon as I went on deployment 
my mindset is I can forgive anything once, but if it happens a second time then that’s no longer just a mistake or bad decision, that’s a behavioral change.
I caught my fiancé doing this once, he was doing it for a few months but once I found out he had a huge mental breakdown and still blames himself for almost destroying our family. I consider it cheating but everyone is different. I don’t fully trust him still, and I go through his phone often but I genuinely don’t think it’s something he will do again. Only you know how your SO is, so if he doesn’t seem guilty or he won’t be honest about it, then I would suggest leaving. Maybe ask him if he’s not feeling satisfied in bed and y’all can talk about maybe experimenting or something because that’s a side of relationships that don’t get focused on as much.
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Do what you feel in your heart is best for you. Maybe get some marriage counseling
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My husband ‘left’ me for another woman. He saw her profile on social media and called her, pretending it was a mistake (she is the sister of his cousin’s wife)! They started talking and a year later they have fallen in love! She is married with kids, ranging from 13-19! She lives in another country. He has sent money to her and has promised to help her financially and help with buying a house for them, all the while, I have been the soul provider through this pandemic! The money he has sent, the money he spent for her to go on vacation, to pay the credit cards, his car, her doctors bills, it’s me, paying for everything! But, yet, I am at fault! l love him, I am scared of the future without him, I am scared of being with someone else, I am scared of being alone, I am scared of the memories with him! A part of me is scared, I love him too much!! i got broke down in tears almost every night until Doctor Ebhome came to rescue my marriage by breaking every bound between my husband and the woman, it wasn’t easy but am glad to tell the world that my husband is back home to his family and he have cut all communication with the woman who almost ruined his family and finances . you can contact Dr ebhome to repair your broken marriage or relationship. you can chat me up for if you want to contact him
You do what’s best for you
I completely understand I was with my bd for 6 years and he did this from the beginning. I always said it’s only online and struggled with whether it’s cheating or not. Eventually he did end up sleeping with another woman and that’s why we broke up. So in my personal situation, it would have been better to break it off since he couldn’t respect that it made me uncomfortable and I didn’t want him to do it. It hurt way more in the end to find out he actually ended up sleeping with another woman while I was pregnant with his second child. Btw porn never bothered me. Watch all you want but to actually message women we know and make fake accounts to talk to women he knew wouldn’t talk to him if they knew it was him, was too much. I should have left before I ended up hurt way worse in the end. Maybe actually leaving will shake him up enough to actually change though since you are otherwise happy together.
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Maybe he needs counseling or maybe ya’ll should spice it up in the sex department . Watch videos together, men are visual creatures,leave the lights on during sex, try new things .Definitely get to the bottom of why he needs to talk and look at other naked women and maybe join him if something you wouldn’t mind doing .
No way Jose!! If he really loved YOU he wouldn’t be out looking or wanting
Simple as that.
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Sounds like a cheating but hole and once a cheat always a cheat kick his ass out raise your children then you can find you a perfect partner !!!
Go to counseling!! Together if he’s willing, but definitely individual. A marriage can be saved from this if you are both willing to put in the work and he’s willing to change his behavior. I recommend counseling for you to heal from the betrayal.
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Deal with it or get out!
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I feel like his actions are a sign of immaturity & addiction & that he doesn’t plan on giving this addiction up if he has not already.
So I’d at least step away from the situation & you will be able to see where his heart is & what he wants & if you even still want to pursue the marriage. 
who knows, you may be done already & not realize you’re just holding on for no reason.
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Love never means destroying your spouse for your own sick pleasure. If you have to think about leaving, you already know you should. Do you want your children raised in a home where cheating is okay? Kids learn by what they see us do, not by what we tell them.
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In my experience, this leads to actual physical cheating.
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The marriage can’t be that good…if he’s cheating on you 
What an asshole. Sorry Sis, if he’s on a dating APP? Time to go. You will never trust him, even if you say you can, you wont.
Tell him what you said here and consider joint counseling
I think that you should go to a therapist that specializes in this and you should go together and see what the root causes because just ending this doesn’t tell you why he’s doing it. He’ll do it to the next person so maybe your marriage is still savable.
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sex addiction is a tough one to break
If ANYTHING or ANYONE can make you feel less than you are, make you not feel wanted, or even make you question them or yourself… they are not worth your energy or time! You deserve better.
The bottom line is he’s looking elsewhere so he’s not completely happy or fulfilled and it’s going to lead to other things sad but true
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Yes, I would end my marriage for this. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. Sorry for what you are going through. Good luck.
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Once a cheater, always a cheater. If he emotionally feels he needs to connect with these girls… HE IS CHEATING. Be done with him and move on!
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U have to accept it or leave. For me I left, I know someday I’ll find my other half but my ex didn’t chase me or try to fix us. He was liking other female pictures on social media and said I gave up on myself which I did because I was a new mom and I built my life around being a mom. Eventually he moved on to a girl from his past and I have yet to find a guy to respect me but I have my daughter. He didn’t try and keep his family he even gave up his rights for his girlfriends pleasure and only sees our daughter for a few hrs every Monday. All I can say is look at every out come of the picture.do u think eventually u will find someone new and treat u better?
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My 2and husband came in with many long lasting gifts from other women, sexual diseases. Divorced. He remarried. She always thought he was great but he brought the worst disease home as a gift. She divorced after 30 yrs. Careful of his carelessness! Could be costly.
Find out what he gets out of it, what about it stimulates him. Is there a role that you can play in his sexual escapades? He may not feel like it is cheating because he does not actually have physical contact with anyone else but you.
Men are very different about sex and he may have a higher drive than you are able to satisfy. Ask to join him, do it with an open mind to learn what he likes. Sex is just one aspect of the marriage, unless he is addicted to the point he can’t function normally; it is not worth leaving him over. It does mean this is an opportunity to better understand his sexual needs and being willing to help him have satisfaction in your sex life in a way that does not disrespect you.
Talking dirty to a call girl he has no intention of meeting in person is a sexual release, not a disrespect to you.
Confront him and your guna get but it means nothing DARLING I’m not cheating DARLING I love you DARLING bla bla fckn bla but guess what?? your guna fall for it
Let me guess. When you ask him why, he says that he doesn’t know why, that he’s just stupid. He needs counseling. He’s probably addicted to this. Even though it’s not “physically” cheating, it is cheating. Anything he does and has to cover up or lie about is cheating. And don’t think if one of those girls offered it to him on the down low, that he wouldn’t physically cheat. If he will cheat online, he will physically cheat. (Or might have already.)
Are you sure it’s a dating website? A lot of these guys are looking online which sucks but it’s better than dating. I don’t think you should divorce fir this, it can be fixed. And your babies deserve you trying. Best of luck.
Well he knows he got away with it before with no consequence!
The only reason people give you poop is because you take it.
He’s a sexual addict. So it’s not just a matter of forgiving him. He needs help. Same thing happened with my husband. He was a pervert when I thought my marriage was at its best. Nothing I seemed to say or do stopped it. You need to DEMAND he get help or your choice, as much as you don’t wanna hear it, is to leave. It’s that simple.
He could very well be addicted to this. Ask him if the marriage is worth counseling both for himself and for couples. After that you will have to make a decision depending on his answer.
Idk, imo I’ve always… Encouraged him to be open with masturbating… But with me or along by his side, someone’s watching him watch that peaks my “competition” and turns me on to where I want to please him better than a porn can. It’s important that your partner can feel comfortable and open and honest so he doesn’t feel like he needs to hide things from you and heck of he’s going to do it, isn’t it better that you’re there with him then him hiding it and feel ashamed or guilty?
Let’s face it, he is a man. What he don’t get at home he will look for elsewhere. He may just be looking for thrills and not acting on them. If that is the case don’t worry about it. If he is acting on it, you are in big trouble. Just remember they don’t get better with age. The older the buck, the stiffer the horn.
U just said he has done it before ,so u have already showed u will allow it
You need to love your self and not let anyone make you feel like that. And your children are learning it’s ok to hurt others
You say it happened before. Then you say you just recently found a chat between him and another female. And that he’s got a social media page on a video dating website where he looks at and converses with other females. What you didn’t say was if you think this behavior never stopped. He may have been able to hide it from you until now. And why did you find it on YOUR cell phone? You also didn’t say if you suspect he’s actually acted on any of his private chats with these girls. Him keeping this from you indicates he knows what he’s doing is wrong. Any place in the relationship where trust has been broken as a result of a person’s behaviour will feel like a betrayal. Sexting someone other than your partner is cheating. The physical and emotional intimacy you have with your partner, if you’re not in an open relationship, belongs just between the two of you. Once you slide into DM’s and your partner doesn’t share these with you, it’s a prelude to cheating. IF you want to stay with this man, he’s got to come completely clean with you. That’s telling you if he’s acted upon any of these conversations, is he dating outside the video app, how long has this been going on, did he ever stop when it happened years ago? This should all be done in the presence of a marriage professional. If he refuses to go, you’ve got all your answers. I wish you the best of luck.
That’s only what you’ve found what haven’t you found or seen they’re good at hiding it they’ll go to every other site because you found those I know what this feels like and sorry your going through it What about the trust now Look deep inside you my situation took me 16 years to finally have enough. But we had a business I thought we were happy spending time together by choice also It was the guilt. If he actually felt any stay strong girl. It’s a messy ride if you choose to stay I wound up physically I’ll
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How do you know that any information you may see about his online encounters is true or not!
They could be local and dishonest with their location!
You have your health to also protect and consider!
I’m sure you want be, happy, healthy and there for your children and grandchildren if or when that times comes!
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“slight history”? Is that like being a little pregnant.
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I would have a conversation with him to discuss the issue, see if he is open and honest about it and if he plans to continue. This is very disrespectful to you. Communication and honesty is key. If he denies it, then make your decision as obviously he is not an honest man.
Make your decision it a on line they don’t touch each other disgusting yes he selfish all men do is thing sex all the time and when take no pride in being a woman stay with him if you won’t too give him hell.
Being someone who dealt with a similar situation there really is no way of knowing if he was loyal for those 8 years. It’s very easy to make online relationships vanish. You need to decide if this is something you can deal with for the rest of your life or not. My marriage was not healthy in any way shape or form and it wasn’t just the cheating that made me leave. It seems like you were happy in yours so it makes that decision even harder. I don’t think you deserve to be treated that way but you need to decide if you can deal with thus possibly happening again.
You need to talk about this with him. Why does he feel the need to do this? Maybe he’s not happy? What does his big picture look like vs. Your big picture? Is there something you can do together to alleviate his need to turn outside the marriage for things? I would get thee both to a counselor. It’s not a deal breaker if you don’t want it to be a deal breaker.
I’ve dealt with cheaters (and others who have also). My best suggestion is that no matter how much they apologize & say they’ll never do it again they’re generally lying. In my mind once a cheater always a cheater, the trust is gone. I get out as soon as I can. Good luck with whatever you decide.
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I’m not justifying his actions however I would try and understand where this is coming from. Ask him! But be mindful about how you do. Does he feel something is lacking? Would he like for you to dress up occasionally or mix/spice things up? Maybe he’s embarrassed to say? Or is it the secrecy etc? I think once you have a better understanding, your decision of what to do for your future with him will become clearer. All the best and sorry to hear you’re hurting, it’s awful to feel any kind of betrayal 
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I would start with you letting him know that you know. The other thing you need to accept is that it probably never stopped, he just got better at hiding it from you. I would start counseling alone, and probably tell my partner he needed to as well, and after you’ve sorted through your feelings, then the two of you can come together with a counselor and discuss.
I’m not one to jump to divorce, but there is a pattern and the amount of deception stems past this once incident. Would you be okay if you find this again? Do you want to live always wondering? A counselor can really help you sort through all your hurt and embarrassment about it all.