If we if he is willing to change and be committed to you fully then there is hope. If he’s not willing to change his behavior then I’m sorry you cannot change him.
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Everyone has a bag of problems that come with them. Be honest with him with no judgment, it is a turning point. You either learn to be honest with each other, or part ways. May God show you the way. 
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I would say that’s all terms for divorce, watching porn is one thing but when he’s gotta hide it and actually talking to them, easy pass for me time to move on to a man who’s only about you.
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It’s extremely Disrespectful to you and your marriage. It’s not ok EVER!!! Cheating is cheating… that is exactly what this is. I am so sorry and I will be praying for you.
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The age old question:
Are you better off with him or without him?
Odds are neither one of you is going to change.
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We teach people how to treat us by how we let them treat us the third person in a relationship is not the problem it’s the one who entertains the third person if this is the second go around with this and not just one woman but a few women first time shame on him second time shame on him again but the third time you cant really say much cause you know what he is if you leave what’s the worst that could happen you love him but it sounds like he is chosing himself to so this marriage is all about him I would pray real hard that God would show me what to do.
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I blocked internet and put parental block on his phone .Then got an attorney and filed for speration. A year away and he knew I was serious !
Took him back after he begged !
Never had a the problem again!.
Was married for 32 years
And sadly he passed away .
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i think its up to you -can you forgive him honestly and move on - if not then there is no reason to try to save the marriage -if you can then fix it-i have sacrificed to stay with my husband because of my kids -to me them having a present daily father is the most important thing, and that’s not a popular opinion - so many people just walk away and it destroys the kids -i believe marriage is good times and bad times-this is a bad time but you can get through it
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a slight history is akin to being slightly pregnant…you may need to start thinking first about yourself and your children…do your best for them…and you
Do you. I’d talk to him and explain how it makes you feel. Then ask his intentions and go from there. It has to be a painful situation, sorry
If I cant be #1 I sure wont be #2. Its obvious you are not enough for him. Ide be broken hearted as well but Ide have to take a Break from him. PRAYERS…
If you still love him and want to try to work it out, it’s going to require counseling. If he’s unwilling to participate, it’s over!
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If there is smoke, there is fire. If this or something similar happened 8 yes ago, chances are…he never quit. Multiple “cheating” accounts. If you let this slide, it will never stop. They just get better at hiding it. Be strong and make a.major move. Make him prove his love and loyalty to his family. Don’t be nice or easy. Make him work at being the husband and father…put up or shut up. You’ve gotta make a believer out of him.
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I think you need to have a conversation with him. If it’s a problem affecting your marriage- is he willing to put in the work to resolve it? Online chat rooms are such a grey area, maybe he needs to be told literally and clearly how much it’s upsetting you. And then see how he responds.
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This is just my opinion but chatting to someone online and meeting someone for sex are totally different situations. There are so many reasons why men and women want/need attention from the opposite sex. The first part is obviously being unhappy in their relationship/unsatisfied/unfulfilled/bored/looking for a way out. However, most people engaging in online ‘sexting’ are usually insecure/have issues with childhood trauma, emotional/physical abuse, neglect, attachment issues and use the attention to self soothe, nurture their inner child and boost their ego. Which means, much of your partners behaviour has nothing to do with his lack of desire or love for you, but his insecurities and unhappiness from within. If you feel your relationship is a happy one, I assume his behaviour stems from a lack of love for himself and problems stemming back from past relationships and childhood.
Being upset, humiliated, betrayed and hurt is a natural response. Anyone would feel the same. Moving forward, I think you need an honest conversation with your partner and discuss the reasons why he feels the need to do this. Also, think about what you are afraid of. Is your fear realistic? Would he act on the behaviours? Has he cheated before?
I think to move forward, acknowledge how his behaviour made/makes you feel, try to understand what bothers you the most and then look to take care of yourself first, whilst working through his behaviour as physical reactions to stress and upset will make you feel ill and have an impact on your children too.
Maybe consider counselling too. You can choose individual or couples counselling, which may help you.
If you are unable to forgive him, then consider practical matters such as where you would live, custody arrangements, financial arrangements. If the thought of splitting makes you feel physically sick, you know you aren’t ready to move on and give up on your relationship. If you are ok with the practicalities of a split, you have already made your mind up as to what you want.
Whatever you decide to do, I hope you look after yourself through all of this and know you don’t deserve to feel this way
I hope this helps in some way. Take care Xx
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I would suggest calling him out on it and base it off his a response. He will try to Weasle his way out of it then that where u decide which direction. I suggest talking through it together of why he goes to those sites before yall got married and now. I don’t have to much insight but I would rather feel I tried everything I could before I call it quits. I hope for everything to work out for u.
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Leave his ass in the dust! Know your worth and what you deserve!
Apparently he enjoys extracurricular activities that involve other women! He’s not honest with you.
Life is too short to live it always suspecting what he’s up to. Being happy is a choice and I’d make it by kicking his ass to the curb!
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Is he paying to “chat” with these women? So rude and disrespectful!
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Speaks volumes that he has no self respect for himself let alone you.
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Flip phone and no internet, if he’s willing go to therapy. If he contests then he should hit the bricks.
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I think you have to decide if it’s that big of deal to YOU and can you get past it. Only you know what you can live with. Ask God for guidance!
It seems he likes to repeat, is it worth doing this again in the future?
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This isn’t normal behavior. How old is the girl? How crude. He needs to go
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Do you really want your kids to potentially find out about this one day and think that behavior is acceptable? Would you want them to stay in a marriage where their partner was doing this to them? If your answer is no then you’ve also answered your own question. I’m not gonna say your husband doesn’t love you but he absolutely does not respect you. Staying at this point is only telling him that what he’s done is ok and setting yourself up for it to happen again.
so he is a cheater, he is also giving his time away to other instead of you and the kids,so what you are not worth anything and you say you want your family realy so if you are misrable your kids will feel that, your family is you and your kids stop being a doormatt.
Mine did this and met someone while I was on chemotherapy at home. Anyway, we’re divorced now.
Being together that long and having a family together is serious. I would sit him down and lay out the evidence on paper. Explain how it hurts you. Ask him why he feels the need to do this ?
Is he having sex with these women? Or is it the sexy talking? What can you put up with?
Just don’t let him have the prize… Hell,maybe have an affair or a little playmate Just tell him exactly what you want I mean you are friends,right?
U have to weigh pros and cons,talk to him and tell him what you found ,read his reaction, listen to his responses, decide what’s better for your kids to be around and deal with in the future ,and above all decide does this make you happy ?
Sis, respect yourself more than that. Your happiness matters too!
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Meh if you’re considering staying might as well hang on through the next 7 “oops” you will just be training him that 1. You’ll accept it AGAIN 2. Do better to not get caught 3. Hopefully choosing wisely so you don’t end up with stds 
good luck!! Know it’s hard but know your worth!!! You only deserve what you demand
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If he not going to them in real life . Then just let him have his fantasy dream. And enjoy your life together.
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Right there with ya girl and I completely understand. Only you can make that call. Many prayers for you
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….you know what to do, just listen to yourself
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Marriage counselling, get to the bottom of the problem then decide what you want to do xxx
He could be doing worse stuff besides on the phone. You just haven’t caught him yet
If you can support your children and yourself ditch him.
He’d be gone!!! Respect yourself
Im going through the same thing and could loose my place to live because of his shit
I know it’s wrong and he’s broken your trust but it can be fixed. The hard part is seeing if he’s willing to put the work into fixing it and if you’re willing to go through it with him. How important is it to you to fix it. Don’t listen to the outside world. Listen to your gut and see how hard he’s willing to work with you on gaining your trust back. It is what you believe is best for you and no one else. You said you felt the love so go on that and see what your inner self wants the most. You are important trust your self and do what you want. You got this it sounds like you’re a strong person dealing with something that has beaten you up some. But again you’re strong and no matter what you decide you can come back from this. Trust yourself and know you’re strong you’re great no matter what.
Try counseling… if that fails, you may have to leave. No, not easy .
You didn’t ruin the marriage, he did. You’re only seeing the tip of the iceberg.
My ex was loving for 28 years, we had 3 children, but he thought he was slick “talking” to the local whore on chat and then they sent naked pics back and forth and I saw them… 
(it wasn’t pretty). Anyhoo… I divorced him in just 5 weeks and I got divorced and took the house (I deserved to keep it) He did it, not me, his actions were responsible for the end of our family, not mine. His actions disrespected me and our vows and I wouldn’t tolerate it.
Don’t tolerate it, because he will just push further next time. I highly recommend divorce attorney Alysia Baker in Goshen.
Good luck
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Once a Cheater always a cheater!! You know your worth way more than that!!
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If your daughter came to you w the same situation. What advice would you give her? Take that advice & roll w it
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Im going thru it now. It has destroyed my marriage. He has become such a coward he makes up lies about me being abusive and getting me arrested so he can have his fun. I’m not saying that’s how every situation is. That’s just how mine is.
You said your phone not his.
Why are you as a grown woman looking through a grown man’s phone. Curiosity will kill a cat. Now ya feel really bad don’t ya. Now ya wish you didn’t know what you know don’t you. Now you’re on the internet asking a million strangers for help in a situation you created all by being insecure and nosey. Now you’re mad and hurt when if you would just have kept your nose out of his phone you would still have that Happy marriage. Men do this its its their nature. Hell much better on the internet than the actual real thing. I made this same mistake this is why my post seems sarcastic. And i apologize for that. But i ruined a dam good marriage and broke a home over a internet bitch. Knowing the man was home every night . Knowing it was more my insecurities. But still running with everything I had on him. Only to end up the most hurt. Choose your battles. Until you have him bending the bimbo over a couch in pictures let it go.
Sincerely from someone who walked in your shoes.
You can always expect the most expert personal advice from wastebook!
Money well spent
I don’t understand why people are posting questions on a Holiday page??….
Pray about it! God will let you know what to do.
Some man sucks been tru it .you just live him move on
I hope you work so that you are always ready to take care of you and your kids. Don’t sit back and think child support will provide you with enough income. Tell him that anybody can post a fake picture on one of those sites. He might be talking dirty to a female that he wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole or it might even be a male. If these were the real women in the pictures, why would they need to talk dirty to him on the Internet. They would already have a mate. Tell him to quit being an idiot! Eventually they will probably ask him for money.
Go on holiday.
See how you feel later
Follow Michelle Dempsey on Instagram as a start. Michelle Dempsey and here
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is my marriage over or should I work through online infidelity?
In my personal experience, I did counseling and everything under the sun. He still couldn’t act wright. You have to have a tough conversation with yourself, what can you live with in order to keep your marriage thriving? I stayed until my kids were out of school, biggest mistake of my life. I taught my kids, who could feel the tension and unhappiness that being treated a certain way is okay. I hope you can come to the answer that’s best for you and your kids. Without trust, what do we have?
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This sounds like a consistent issue. I think most couples can get through infidelity ONCE. But if it’s on going I would cut my losses and move on. 
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Ask him to look into sex addiction help (like alcohol anonymous there are groups that meet free). If he is willing to go, you absolutely have a chance.
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Honestly everyone’s marriage is different but I don’t even like my husband looking at porn. I’d be outraged if I found this
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Might be an unpopular opinion but Porn bothers some women to the point of break up, but live video chat! That’s a massive nooo from me! He’s interacting with this person! Thats cheating whether he can touch her or not… how long is it until video chat isn’t enough to fulfil his needs? What if he ends up going for the real thing elsewhere? My advise is to walk but I wish you all the best regardless.
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I think it’s similar to men keeping a stash of porn to themselves. For his “alone time”…
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Did he show regret? Remorse? What does he say drove him to feel like he needed to do this? Healthy relationships have hard conversations. If he’s not willing to have the conversation or he’s not willing to be honest with you or himself then it’s time to consider you having an unhealthy relationship and bowing out gracefully. Kids would rather see two happy parents separated than two unhappy parents together. It teaches them to accept things you wouldn’t want for themselves.
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I mean… that would be it for me. He did it in the past, knew it wasn’t acceptable, and continues to keep doing it… don’t let the door hit you on the way out to each their own though, if you want to keep dealing with this every few years then knock yourself out.
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Why were these things found on your cell phone?
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Sometimes you have to decide can you keep hurting yourself , you will never forget what’s happened unfortunately no matter how much you try …I chose to end a relationship but I wasn’t married so was easier. Only u can decide your next move.
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Don’t make any rash decisions. Go to counseling to get some clarity. Is he acting out in this way do to something unrelated. Does he have sexual needs that are not getting met? (not that that would excuse his behavior). Hopefully therapy will help you figure out next steps
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Happy men do not do this. Maybe he has a problem that he can’t control. Don’t try to fix him. Get fixed yourself as to why you’re willing to put up with this. Cheating is cheating. Don’t make excuses for him. The chances are that this is a pattern. An addictive behavior that’s not your problem. Seek help for yourself only. Know your worth and your self respect.
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If you’re not okay with it please don’t lower your standards because he’s done the wrong thing.
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Honestly that’s something only you can answer honey. I have been in a Similar situation (no children though thankfully) and I chose to stay and try but it wasnt something I could get past, because whether it was physical or not it was still cheating. With your situation I understand it’s harder because of the kids but do you really want to teach them that this is a acceptable way to treat or be treated by someone you love? Only you can decide if you can stay no one else can give you that answer. I wish you the best of luck and am hoping for healing for you especially.
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I wouldn’t rush straight to divorce. Maybe you could try counseling ?
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I think right now you’re hurt and embarrassed. I would be devastated BUT, you’ve built a whole life. It sounds like it was never any physical adultery. Honestly, I would try to work it out. I’d probably need some space first. I think I would go to counseling and probably ask him to delete his SM profiles. Then go from there. Best of luck! I’m sorry you’re hurting.
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I think you should talk about it with him and find out the root of why he chooses to have those pages and then you can decide. He may be completely and utterly happy with you but still want for something else. I’d suggest counseling if this is an end game sort of thing for you.
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Honestly, in my eyes that is cheating even if he wasn’t necessarily physical with any of the women he’s chatting with or looking at. I believe in trying to fix the issue, but to do that he has to see his behavior as wrong and want to change it. If he doesn’t think it’s wrong or refuses to change, then your only options basically are to stay in the marriage knowing he’s doing this or leaving him.
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Put the choice in his lap. If wants to continue to carry on these “chats”, that’s fine, he has a choice to make, family or fun?. He is having fun at your expense and that of your children. If fun is what he wants then he has to be made aware that actions have consequences. You may still love him but do you trust him?
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I would personally confront him about it. Ask him why he feels the need to do these things. I’m wondering if he’s seeking validation from other women. Ask him if there is anything you could do different in your relationship together that would put an end to these types of behaviors, or does he think he has a problem.
From my personal experience my ex husband and I “worked through” that issue (or so I thought), but he wound up cheating on me for 2 solid months before I found out (as far as I know) and still doing the internet thing as well. Tried counseling as well.
Broke my heart, shattered my world, so I would say you can try but if he’s hiding a “small” thing, he won’t mind hiding a bigger infidelity in the future. IMO
I’m not gonna tell you to leave…but from lots of personal experience…it’s never gonna stop. It may for a while, but it’ll always happen again…and he’ll just get better at hiding it.
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The question is does he love and respect you because in my opinion he would not be doing this if he does so if you feel you have enough love for both of you then just pretend it’s not happening because he will keep doing this and whilst doing it he and you are teaching your children that this is the normal and they will do or put up with it themselves one day
The question is can you overlook it and continue being together whether or not he apologizes for having done it or if he doesn’t want to stop? Those are the questions that you have to ask yourself. Only you can truly answer this question. We can give you support. Just know you are not the only one to go through something like this and have to make a decision only you can.
You say you’re both happy, but is he actually happy? How’s your sex life? If your sex life is boring and inconsistent and extremely routine and predictable then there’s your answer. To go that far to actually engage with another person is not just simply looking at porn. This man isn’t happy with his sex life, and you have to be willing to look at yourself honestly. Do you satisfy him sexually? No need to respond, best of luck.
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I dont know if this will help …but…if you love him as much as you say I have friends that just stay with their Man and he grows out of it. Cant do it forever if you cant live with it then end it…If he is actually meeting with these girls that’s another thing .Me I have left him and now I’m alone. Whatever keeps you saint and happy…pray on it…Marriage is a Commitment talk to God
I personally am not willing to work through fidelity. However, this does seem a little extreme. Is he just a pig or does he have an actual mental illness going on? My friend has bipolar disorder and sexual conquest is one of his behaviors while manic. It’s something he’d NEVER do while in his right head space.
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My personal experience my husband cheated on line and in person. I was devastated. We came close to not making it. But we tried anyways. It’s been 5 years since any incidents have come up. We’ve been together 18 years and both cheated on each other at some point. But we did the work we got healthier and we pushed through. Now we are amazing. We’re very happy now and the past still comes up and ruins a mood but we work through it.
That fact that he has a history of doing this is concerning. In my opinion in a marriage/relationship he should only have eyes for you. Yes, men watch porn which is okay if im like not around to help his needs but going to other woman whether online or in person for sexual pleasure is wrong. Try having a honest conversation or counseling if possible to see if that can change things first.
My ex cheated all the time swore up and down that the people telling me were lying and bla bla bla he would also private message people on social media saying he only married me for health ins. My experience is he won’t stop. If you put up with it it will continue. It is hard but you deserve someone who wouldn’t hurt you like this
He won’t change even if he says he will. You said he did this before so he will so it again after this. It will be hard but you can do it. If you dig sone more you might even fund he has sone more and worse.
I’ve been in the lifestyle with my husband for some time please don’t judge everybody has their own… But I find on a lot of the sites you have a lot of married men and you can always tell when they’re not telling their wives… I would say I would start trying to learn some of the things he likes as time changes and we develop our sexual habits tend to change and the things we like… I think this is a great opportunity for you guys to re-explore each other and maybe what new things you like to do… do you ever talk to him dirty, do you ever text him during the day naughty things? If not I might try start doing things like that it sounds like you guys just need to spice things up a little bit. And I know a lot of women would disagree with this but I feel like maybe he’s looking for something that he’s lacking so I would try to communicate and figure out what that is maybe he wants to try some new things in the bedroom… You might even find new things that you like as well or maybe he’s not doing something right either I would take this as a learning experience… If you are trying new things in the bedroom and texting him naughty things during the day to keep him excited for when he gets home and he keeps doing these things that’s when I would say maybe you might want to consider other options… however since you do love him still I think maybe you need to look a little deeper and try to communicate on what both parties are needing sexually because it sounds like everything else is going well…just my thoughts please don’t judge
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From my personal life, was with my man for years then found him to be sending pic of his bits to other women we finished for 4 years, then after time he’d weasel his way back in and we said we’d try again for us and kids (2) though hed grew up per say . Fast forward 3yrs later to find he’s been doing same. Didn’t change only got sneaky about it till I found out one night he’d left his phone open on the chat and fallen asleep drunk… you can guess what they were sending picture wise and as for the chats 
. So glad he’s now an ex and no it’s not easy and I wasn’t married to him I count my blessing on that but we were together for 16 yrs… way I see it a leopard never changes his spots , simple !
I have been in this situation and back then I didn’t know that it was a boundaries I needed to discuss to me it just felt like pure infidelity and to him he didn’t see much different than using other “xxx” subject matter for “entertainment” purposes. I think everyone has their own opinions on where online stuff falls and the context matters. But if it’s something that you aren’t ok with and you can express that and yall have a productive conversation without ultimatums and come to an agreement on your tolerance of this moving forward and he respects that I don’t think it is an end all be all regardless I think the end all be all will be how he responds and how you react and yall deal with it.
I would say try to figure out why he’s doing it. He may not even know. Maybe his childhood has left its marks. Talk to him and see if he wants to stay married or if he’s just unhappy. If you both truly want to be married to each other, therapy is necessary.
At 28 years married, my ex used Zoosk, and then started phone talking with an old high school fling and then just left one day. He may leave you, be prepared. 
I’ve been married for 35 years - if you don’t have trust you have nothing -I tell my 3 daughters this all the time
I was in the same boat last year but he did it over Snapchat and I was 6 months pregnant with our daughter. I found all this out a week before our first wedding anniversary. It was very hard debating if we should split up when we have 1 kid together and another one on the way at that time but I chose to stay. We were in a rough patch in our relationship and needs weren’t being met. We fought a lot so I guess he acted out. He decided to delete all his social media accounts for over a year and we worked that trust back. Now we are finally in a good place. So it’s all really up to you.
In my opinion, if you’re happy with your relationship (either party) you wouldn’t be seeking anything else from another person, even if it’s just chatting online and not meeting them. It would depend on the contents of the chat for me, but dirty talk is 100% a big no no because that’s something you should be doing with your partner and not another person outside your relationship…never mind dirty video anything. I would be so hurt from it that I’d keep bringing it up in future and wouldn’t be able to move past it, it’d definitely cause trust issues. But you need to ask yourself if YOU could move past this and whether it will cause any issues for you in future (like trust issues).
If it keeps on happening it’s a problem that sounds like he isn’t readyto fix. I’d leave.
In my experience, it’s ONLY forgivable if they show remorse for what they did, and actually tell you about their f.uck up, idk…trust is hard after that stuff, but I do know that I wouldn’t of stayed had he not told me literally every detail and showed remorse for the actions. Also, if you spontaneously ask to see their phone and they say no-
Sounds like having his cake and eating it too.
Personally, I’d be out. But do what’s best for yourself and your children.
I’ve known many couples having kids outside marriage , but they still stay home. Now that’s humiliating !
Insist he go w you for couciling. Lots of opinions out there, I’m sure, but couciling will help you understand his need and he will learn about how hurtful this is to you. Then you can work through it.
Good luck.
Talk to each other, and I mean really talk, be honest, but Frank , and above all, listen to what he or she has to say. Forgiveness is a wonderful thing, however, do not be a door mat.