Is my marriage over?

I’ve been with my husband 10 years married for 4. We had a great relationship at the beginning. When we had our children everything’s changed. He has 3 older children from his previous wife and it’s been a living hell ever since we had children together. He doesn’t help with the kids never has then gets mad when they always want/ask me for help. He works and I’ve always stayed home. My children also do online schooling and I’m also in college doing online so things have been rough. We haven’t been intimate in over a month (I just don’t care to) then he gets mad when I don’t want to because I’m physically and emotionally exhausted. Well over the weekend after the children went to bed he tells me that this is bs and if he cheats it’s my fault because I don’t want to give it up. I’m at a loss for words and feel like I’m marriage is at it’s end because we’re supposed to be a team and I feel like it’s always been me.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is my marriage over?

Try having a talk with him. Men that I know and my ex never helped once, not even changed a diaper! Hopefully he will change! Tell him how u feel!

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Finish your school then kick his butt out

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Girl run. If he’s saying it now then he’s already cheated

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Being intimate is part of marriage. If you give it totally up then you cant expect him to and no it dont mean he should go cheat i think yall need to communicate and have a talk about everything and see if you can save yalls marriage.

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Girl leave him throw the whole man away

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Girl you do you, finish your school and shine!!!

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Cutting off your spouse sexually is a great way to kill your marriage.

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Unfortunately I think that was his way of telling you he did or is going to cheat… Basically an ultimatum. He works you stay home… Maybe he has it in his head that since you stay home you are super mom and he shouldn’t have to help you… So many ways this can be seen. The question is… What do YOU want? How do you think things could change to make it better for ALL parties? Then give him an ultimatum. You help me with this… We can sneak off and go have sex…

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Any man or anybody tbh that would say that in a relationship is just a pos. Period.

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He’s selfish and childish. Likely will never change.

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Sounds like he’s probably already cheated :woman_shrugging:t3: I think I’d be leaving. Like right now. Throw him in the trash.

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Girlllllll give that man some coo ….I don’t even see a problem here …you stay at home he works :eyes::eyes::eyes:try doing all three …working …school and kids …some of us wish we had it that easy …rule #1 never take the cookie away :joy:

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If you have to ask strangers if your marriage is over, then you already know the answer

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Yeah… thats a shit husband… if my husband threatened to cheat on me the paperwork would be waiting for him in the morning

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One thing I recently did with my man is ask what we can do better for eachother. I told him for my mental health I need help and love. Even if its just a hug. For him, he said sex, for his mental health. So far, so good. Hes been helping, which means I dont have such a heavy load, which leads to not being so drained and feeling like sex is another chore for me. Its what worked for us. I wish you the best. Don’t give up. Try, for what its worth. But don’t you ever take on “cheating” to be your fault.

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I believe intimacy is very important in a relationship! Everyone gets tiered, but you need to take that time for your relationship to grow (husband & wife time). Express to him the mental and physical exhaustion your having. Perhaps you guys can compromise on something

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Nah. He threatened you with cheating just cause you are to tired for sex. That’s the end of it. That shows both a lack of sympathy and respect.

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Run as fast as you can.

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Sex is not your “wifely duty”. If he’s pressuring you and threatening you that he will cheat - he does not respect or care for your needs, only his own. You can tell him you’re too tired for sex and need help and support, if he’s still a twat then you might need to consider your future with him. I wonder why he got divorced previously?

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Do you want it to be over? What are the benefits of “making it work” for YOU? Your kids? His kids? Him?

Lots of factors. But there’s always the pursuit of happiness in life that needs to be considered.

Counselling?

He threatened to cheat on you & preemptively blamed you for his cheating??? Hellllll no. Get out of that. Honestly I would not be shocked if he’s already cheating & trying to set his narrative to blame you for everything……

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Sexual manipulation is sexual assault. Period. Took me a long time to realize my exhusband constantly guit tripping me into sex was bad for my mental health. I went to my doctor and I was like I have low libido. She explained you know the normal stuff like stress and depression. However, she was like there’s no pill to help your sex drive if you hate your husband. :neutral_face: sometimes we all get bogged down. Before he said that bullshit statement I would’ve tried getting dressed up and going on a date. But with that dumbass statement I say he has to go.

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Divorce him and take him to the cleaners

Oh look it’s a bunch of red flags sewn into the shape of a person

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Only a few reasons to end your marriage. Cheating and abuse mental or physical. Too many children in two parent house holds. Honestly it takes 20 minutes for adult time. Your lucky to be home with your children and because your home it feels like you are the one doing everything. Partnership isn’t easy. And you can’t tell me he helped you before you had children, so you knew what it was going to be like. Mom, wife duties never end. Husbands duties never end providing what the family needs. Don’t give up

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So if you don’t give it to him, he cheats on you, will you stay?

Bc he will cheat so if cheating is a dealbreaker, this ‘warning’ he gave you should be a dealbreaker.

You’re not expected to have sex with anyone. Period.

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Sounds like you can do it on your own and be happier

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If he’s stressed he’s gonna say stupid shit to get you going. After being with someone that long, you know what to say to get them fired up. If he was gonna cheat he would have by now, you guys have been together a long time. Guys go through phases and you seem pretty busy so even though he’s a grown ass man, I’m sure he’s dying for some attention. No one is perfect but marriages take work and sometimes daily life over powers you and people tend to forget they have a partner to take care of. It’s excuses from both ends, you said you weren’t feeling it right now but I’m sure if he didn’t want you for a month then he would be questioned about cheating because he’s not feeling it. No one ever gives men enough credit for what they do. Your a stay at home mom, I can relate, my husband works his ass off though snd doesn’t have a lot of time to help me out with the kids either but I already know that so I don’t hound him about it. I’ve been married almost ten years and honestly neither of us are the same people we were in the beginning. Everyone changed and we go through some hard time but we get up and fight for it every day. Have a talk with him, maybe talk to someone yourself? Don’t just assume your marriage is over because things are changing… you both took a vow so if you don’t fight for it snd at least try to figure out what’s missing right now.

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men can never find the clit but they can always find the audacity

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No words I’m sorry your having a difficult time everyman I’ve been with I went through that and it’s only been 3 all 3 times it was over

He threatened to cheat ? That’s bogus… but maybe marriage counseling before calling it quits ? Your exhausted and could use that help too. But him threatening to cheat would make me go off :joy:

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Listen…the fact you had to post on social media …you already know what to do.

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I remember these days. I felt my husband didn’t help enough, but to him he was because he was working full time.
Maybe try to compromise.

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It’s not over if you don’t want it to be… but it is time for both of you to sit down and have an honest conversation, a true… deep, conversation, one that you both sit knee to knee and tell each other how you feel and what each of you wishes to see out of the relationship going forward. If you both want to be married to each other you’ll both make it happen. Kids, school, and every day life stress can wear on a marriage… communication is key… I wish you the best, and pray God guides you both in this tough time.

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Some men think just because they “work” and bring in income they are exempt from doing just about anything they don’t want to do! They don’t see all we deal with at home as work…I feel for you , I had a similar situation but finally came to the realization that he won’t change and you just gotta do you!! Good luck!

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if youre on tiktok, there’s a lady whose entire account is about marital coercion. @mending.me

The b s is if he cheats it’s his fault he s the dummy.

You need to go off on him! It sounds like he is taking full advantage of you, he’s seeing you as something he owns or someone who works for him rather then a mate or a wife. That is not okay or fair to you. I don’t know him, so maybe deep down he’s different or has changed, or maybe he really doesn’t realize how horrible he is being. I say talk to him, give him One chance to make it right, tell him everything, telling all that you’ve been feeling and doing and how you can’t take anymore. You deserve to be happy and it doesn’t sound like he is doing it.

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Sounds like it 2 me. Iv pretty much dealt with the same thing without the cheating. No reason he should ever say that. After 13 years my hubby and I are splitting. U shouldn’t have 2 put up with that. Ur feelings matter too. When uv had enough uv had enough.

No it takes two to work on relationships it sounds like he’s cheating does he come in late at night . These woman today will lay down with anyone.

:triangular_flag_on_post:As soon as he says if he cheats it’s your fault :triangular_flag_on_post: He sounds like a narcissistic douchebag, I would 1000% leave. How does one even try to get into any kind of mood after hearing their spouse say something like that? Is he an idiot? Lmao. Like him saying that will never go away, it will always be stuck in the back of your mind. He obviously is to dense to realize that you need to feel loved, wanted and appreciated to have sex. Like who tf just does it to please their man. Insane. Fuck this guy. I wouldn’t just walk away, I’d run!

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I lived this myself and yes my marriage was over, walked away 2 months ago, the first month was hell and it sucked, I won’t lie but now I’m so much happier!

I know life is crazy, but he seems to still desire you so I don’t think your marriage is over yet. You have a lot going on but you do need to make time for him too (not saying it’s all you) I’m saying you two need to sit down and have a serious talk about everything and maybe plan a date night! Doesn’t mean you have to go out, recommend he helps with getting kids fed and ready for bed while you do your college homework then once kids are asleep y’all select a good movie, or relax and have a glass of wine and talk about “remember when we”d” and go from there. Sounds like you both are stressing out! Make time for eachother!

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I don’t care that he’s working full time. The fact that he chose to threaten cheating on you instead ot sitting down to discuss things is disgusting.

No way I would look past that.

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Y’all both need to learn to give. I’ve been through the intimate issue and sometimes you just need to “give it up” for your dang husband. He works every hard every day to provide for you all. I’m sure there’s days where he is exhausted and doesn’t feel like working but he does it anyways. I’m not saying that it’s ok for him to threaten to cheat at all. But you both should learn how to treat each other regardless of what you think they do or don’t deserve and regardless of how you “feel”
Maybe communicate how you’re feeling without coming after him. It’s not just one fault or the other, this is both of you and you have to learn to work through this together.

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So sorry you’re going through that. That is absolutely ridiculous for him to say it would be your fault. That’s complete bull shit and not true. Ditch him, you know what’s right. Not ok at all. You deserve better.

I mean maybe just give it up, 🤷 sometimes that’s what both of yall needed a stress relieve, don’t make it hard just go for it, enjoy it.!

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Marriages go through so many phases. Sometimes life just gets hectic and you lose connection with each other. Sex has always helped my husband an I regain that connection.

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Baby girl, if you aren’t fulfilling his needs of course he isn’t going to care when you ask for your needs to be met. Happy spouse, happy house.

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I don’t really know how to explain it but I was wondering if maybe by chance he feels like he doesn’t belong anymore. You handle everything just fine on your own and I wonder if he’s feeling worthless …on top of that you can’t even make love to him.
Maybe just maybe he’s hurt that he’s not needed and honestly barely seems wanted.
No excuse for the comment but could this be a possibility

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Try marriage counseling. Marriages go through this kind of thing all the time, I don’t think it’s necessarily a make or break moment. But I do think you may need some counseling to help you both learn to work through these times in a more healthy way

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If he’s saying that if he cheats, it’s YOUR fault. Girl, he’s not worth it

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Marriage is a team effort. From what I read you have been a stay at home mom and he has supported the family. He should help with kids as the dad that is a given…your part of the team is running the household. If you live him and want your marriage to work you may need to be intimate even if you are tired. Look at what you described from his point of view…she doesn’t want me anymore I have want to have sex and we haven’t in a month. Just some things to consider.

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Lindsey Elizabeth not only that but to say all that plus getting mad bc the kids want time with him

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He has no respect for you and it’s disgusting. Do not let him talk to you like that first of all, because if those words were reversed and came out of your mouth he would probably snap. If you really want to try to save it I would find a marriage and intimate therapist. You need to stand up for yourself and be heard, TELL HIM to help, TELL HIM to be respectful.

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Now you know why his last wife left him.

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Relationships change significantly after children come into the picture. It is a struggle for many couples. Maybe marriage counseling?

If your partner has mentioned they might cheat because you won’t have sex, that would be end of line especially with having kids too, they don’t need to see their mother being treat that way. He’s probably already cheating :facepunch:t2:

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Try marriage counseling. He needs to co-parent and not just throw everything on you. Kids need interaction from dads too.

The fact that he brought up cheating is a concern. He might be cheating already.

I don’t think it’s at an end. Well for me it would be if he threatened to cheat and blames it on me…but something needs to make him turn on his brain. A lot of men don’t understand that being a stay at home mom can be very difficult. I would take a weekend off by myself to make him see how hard it is to care for the children when you’re tired. Maybe it’ll work, maybe it won’t. Usually when men don’t get it, they grew up in a home where the woman did EVERYTHING for the house. If possible, I’d get his mother or grandmother to try and talk some sense into him. No it’s not recommended to involve family in your relationship problems, but it may work.

To the ones telling her she “should just give it up”, that is disgusting. Intimacy should be between TWO willing and consenting individuals. If you’re doing something you don’t want to do, just to get the other person to stay or not cheat, then that is rape. She should not have to do something she doesn’t want to just to get him to “hopefully” be happier in the relationship.

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Try a get away with just you two. Even if local to do dinner and stay at a local hotel. Sounds like you have not had much time together with no kids/work. Also try talking to him about how you feel and listen to him about how he feels. Communication is key if you want to be in this marriage. Counseling for healthy ways to get through tough times is also an option. What he says regarding cheating is not ok even if mad at you - he should respect you enough to work through this with you. Just keep an open mind and don’t think with your emotions. Use your head.

Fuck this ______ leave him

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The 2’s are very important in a marriage.
Every 2 weeks date night
Every 2 months date weekend get away
You both need this time with no kids

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Just sounds like y’all need to open up towards each other’s needs, and find a middle ground. With that being said, sounds like he still has to mature a bit.

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Just sit down and talk to him. Tell him you are just drained. There are days when my son was home from school due to covid (and before he went to school) that I was just so drained and exhausted I didn’t want ANYONE to touch me at the end of the day. You could also have some depression going on and going and talking to a doctor or therapist may help. You aren’t entitled to give him sex just because you’re married. He’s an ass if he goes off and cheats instead of just rubbing one out. Being intimate is a part of a relationship, so sit down and say hey let’s work on this and maybe we can figure it out. Hopefully you can figure it out. I wish you luck.

In my opinion you should sit down and let him know how you feel and what’s going on.
Maybe he is saying g that if he cheats its your fault because HE IS ALREADY getting the ball rolling on it by talking to a coworker, or someone he already met and he wants an excuse to go do his thing.
I understand your exhausted but maybe you can also try a date night if even for a few hours.
Maybe the stress of life has put a wedge between you and your husband and you need to rekindle the intimacy and romance.
I’m sure dressing up and getting all glamed out would even make you feel good, like a Cinderella effect.
AGAIN, just MY OPINION

Well… 1.)telling you it’s your fault if He cheats is bullshit. 2.) trying to force you like that Is a type of rape. 3.) they are His children. Even if he’s working- he should be helping to take care of them. That’s what a Father does! 4.) there’s been studies on sahm’s and how the work load is equal to like 2-2.5 Full Time Jobs! If you’re worried about being a single mom- don’t be! You’re already one! If it Is over- accept it as a blessing. You’ve got it!

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He doesn’t respect u,him saying that tells u enough I’m sorry but his considering it if not more…he is suppose to understand you are exausted u do your best and his input is needed at times with the kids,tell him these kids grow and will notice who puts in love and effort…u two need to talk and he needs to take it seriously,tell him where he is wrong and what is expected from him also try to find other ways where u guys could have time for one another. He must have done this before to his previous wife that is why she left perhaps …tell him it’s either he betters himself or u will leave to as cheating is no option when there is a problem u don’t deserve this you doing your best

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Get a sitter and Maybe start a date night

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I am in a similar situation dear. We are divorced and have been trying reconciliation. I got the rudest awakening ofy whole life. I’ve been thought that marriage is for keeps, shitty advise! If your partner refuses to make any effort to assist with the kids or in my situation to seek employment, then his not worth it. If he can’t naturally love his kids then he is not worth any effort. Kids need stable, consistent, providing and supportive parents. If he isn’t meeting their needs then why stay? As for intimacy, you don’t owe him anything, your body your choice. Please don’t allow him to abuse you and your kids mentally or emotionally. It’s time to consider what the future holds and make the necessary moves to get there💖

That statement about cheating is bs. Pack him a bag and tell him to have fun and don’t come back.

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Umm what?! No, if he cheats it is his fault and means he doesn’t really love you! He’s probably already cheating if he’s talking like that. I wouldn’t be with someone like that but that’s just me.

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Threatening to go find someone else is BS. He crossed the line of respect to you.

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I’m a big believer in increasing the intimacy. Its bring you closer together and its important that both feel their intimacy needs are met

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:o who says that!!! I’m so sorry. I hope it works out the way you want it to

He is an asshole and you need to leave him ASAP.

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Tell him he knows where the door is and he can use it he doesn’t help with his own children wow would it be such a loss for him to go? Seriously you deserve so much better than him as for the cheating statement that’s emotional blackmail do not stand for it x

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I don’t think it’s over. Y’all are going through a lot right now with the new baby and juggling life with older kids at home for school. It’s a lot. Yes, he was incredibly disrespectful and shouldn’t have said what he did. He’s frustrated too and many men relieve their stress through intimacy. Any man will tell you that’s what he does to relieve his stress. While he may have gone about it the wrong way, I understand his frustration. Making time to be together as a couple is important.

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:expressionless: yooooour fault ?? Girl that’s his fault . If he doesn’t pick up where he’s falling off at or learn to use :raised_hand: to handle his self than he isn’t husband material :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Well sorry to say time to move on if a man doesnt appreciate you or the things you do then his loss becuse the is someone waiting to do just that

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That’s martial coercian and rape mama. You don’t owe him your body regardless of how hard he works outside the home. A person who loves and cares for you knows this and would never say they would cheat and it would be your fault. That’s manipulative and coercive and abusive. Get out and find a happy life. Trust me your kids will thank you.

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You both need couples counseling. Sounds like he has an interest in someone and has some guilt. We all make are own decisions not your fault if he does.
Have a calm conversation with him and let him know that you need help too and if children are old enough give them a chore a day too. A stay at home mom is hard enough than your children being home schooled and you going to college he needs to step up alittle.

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Sorry but I would leave him for even speaking to me that way. This is a horrible representation of a man.

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I’d throw the whole man away. It’s not your fault if he cheats. If he does then he doesn’t actually care about you at all. Someone who cares about you isn’t going to look for someone else just because you aren’t putting out. My hubby doesn’t do that and sometimes because of conflicting schedules it can be weeks before we’re intimate the desire is there but a lot of times we’re both just too exhausted to do more than cuddle. Even if it’s been awhile neither of us start looking for anyone else because we don’t want anyone else even if it means waiting to get that intimacy until we’re both in a position to give/receive it

I am 65…been in this for over 30 years. If you are being talked to like that he is already considering stepping out of the marriage. He doesn’t own you. Start making plans to be on your own…you don’t have to go. Make sure he knows though. He knows you depend on him for financial reasons. Work towards not needing him. Good luck honey

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Your not too exhausted to sleep with him you resent him for not helping around the house . :woman_shrugging: no one is too tired to put in effort for thier partner. If it was a new bloke you wouldn’t be exhausted. Water your grass

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Please get counseling but before you do that…communicate. sit down and really talk & LISTEN. Every married couple has issues to address. You obviously love him and please do not get your advice from here. Pray for him!

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My opinion and side of advice,
You guys just need to find a routine that will make you both present for each other when it’s needed ! It’s LIFE we get so worked up with our kids and work and being house wife’s aswell as our men do ,
That we forget to take time for ourselves and we wonder why we are so stressed and feeling abit in the dark ! communication rules above all , that doesn’t mean he needs to be disrespectful in his approach to you and you need to let it be known about how it Hurts you !! Just communicate on a level you both can be mutual with each other and understanding xo the kids are the bonus when you guys are content with each other and your lives ! They always will be the bonus but it’s an even better feeling when you are sane within yourself aswell ! Xo you got this mama :two_hearts: and you got all the support

If he said that then it’s definitely over. Go to counseling to figure it out or make plans to leave

Maybe that is why you’re his 2nd wife. He shouldnt have said what he said. Its over if he is unwilling to change.

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When i tell you i wouldve laughed in his face if my husband EVER had the balls to say that to my face lmao. Girl run. Run and dont look back.
You Y O U deserve better✨
“Go ahead do me the favor of finally helping me leave you. Go ahead do it” wouldve been my exact words.
Id refuse to allow him access to my body after that.
No person is allowed my body,mind, soul with that disrespect🙌

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Talking to the first wife is always an eye opener. To bad more of us don’t do this. I am sure she probably felt like you

It’s both of their faults. If they really loved each other, they’d make time for each other. He’s wrong for it helping and she’s wrong for not helping or fulfilling his needs as well. At this point, they need to leave each other if he’s already thinking about other women. It’s toxic.

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You resent him but, you are also too exhausted at the end of the day. Tell him that if he helps out a lot more then, you won’t be so exhausted at the end of the day.

Run. Run fast and far.

I see all these comments. But before anyone can really help you, there are so many more questions to ask yourself, your hubby.

Every relationship is different. When we are hurting, we can say things that we do not mean and people that are hurting will say hurtful things to people they love.

A relationship should never just be thrown away, because there are issues until you exam all sides and see if the people want to make it work?

First and foremost, you both need to sit down and talk calmly, trying to remove emotions (as much as possible) and keeping logic in the conversation.

Then you need to be able to ask and answer the very hard questions?

Do you love each other?
Why does he not help?
Why are you not in the mood?

What can each of you do to support each other and the whole family.

I learned a long time ago, most issues are not one sided and as much as he needs to look inside himself for issues, causes and solutions, so do you.

My husband and I try to remember a very important thing when disagreeing, your issues are not with each other, it’s you and him together against the issues. It will take you both to fix them.

Remember you are a team. Try to remember what you together, what makes you both happy. What gets you excited?

I wish you both the very best of luck.

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if he cheats cheat back lmfao.

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