Ugh going to try to give facts and make sense. Emotions are high and I Really need unbiased opinions
Backstory. Best friend of 15 years. Brother passed away in a motorcycle accident 6.5-7 years ago. Almost 6 years ago I started dating his best friend. She wasn’t happy about it, she’s a swinger but tried telling me she’s in love with him and told Him not to date me (she had a long term boyfriend at this time)
Fast forward 3.5 years we get engaged. NO congrats. she just falls out of my life, Not for a lack of trying. I’d try to make plans she’d ignore my texts unless it was about small talk.
For the past 3 years she hasn’t once reached out to me…. Until yesterday when I announced I was pregnant with our first child. Now she’s texting me asking how I’m feeling……
Side note I live in a two family and rent out the upstairs and ‘miss too busy for me’ has come and hung out with the kid upstairs. She also drives right past my street daily, I’m 3 minutes from her work. I wanted to respond “ how am I feeling? I’m feeling like I tried for the past 3 years to have you in my life and you chose distance from me, and I was never sure why. And now I’m not sure why you care how I’m feeling.”
Maybe when he died it hit her hard and she got lost. Maybe she has other things going on.I would just ask her plain and simple. Tell she hurt you and of that’s how it’s gonna be your done.
ignore her stay away from her u tried and she made a choice all because of a man protect ur baby she sounds like someone who would harm you or unborn baby
She is drama in the making. Avoid this situation. She will cause problems in your relationship and with pregnancy hormones she will turn it around and make it look like you are crazy
If she wanted to distance herself from you, she was allowed to. She clearly needed or wanted the space from you. And that’s okay. It’s also okay for you to be upset about it. She’s reaching out and it is up to you to decide if you want to rekindle the friendship or not.
People get close when you’re pregnant, babies are cute and cuddly. That’ll pass when the baby is a few months old. Don’t fall for it, I did one too many times
If you been trying for 3 years and haven’t gotten anything out of it from her don’t don’t bother responding she just wants to be nosey now that your having a baby with the guy she supposedly loves just move on
Cut ties. She was in love with him you didn’t listen you lost a friend and now she wants an update 3 years and you having his baby probably wants to hang around to get an in with him while your hormonal. Leave it alone keep your peace. Make sure he doesn’t hangout with her she will reach out to him to under the pretense of her late brother. Not your problem, she wants to create havoc, dw about her and focus on your journey this only happens once and it will be but a memory. Celebrate your journey.
Sounds toxic to me and I would cut ties. I had a friend supposed to be busy friend and I finally had to cut the loss. I’m better now but it took awhile to get over it. Hugs and best wishes .
That’s not wrong of you to decide to ignore her now if she’s been ignoring you for 3 years if I had to guess word of you being pregnant makes her want to be back in your circle so she can always have the inside scoop pregnancy can be rough on couples she might be looking for a way in to cause problems or drama who knows y ppl act how they do but if you’re with a man that she was interested in before… the whole coming back around three years later now that you’re pregnant could have a lot to do with Petty drama and I would ignore her personally but that’s just me
I don’t know what to say is it you she wants in her life or your husband it’s too complicated but if you see her I guess tell her that she was in morning when this took place maybe took it out on you but I wouldn’t trust her
Shes jealous. Even more so now. She tried to lay a claim on him (like a psycho) didn’t work, now shes knowingly doing things to try and upset you. Id move and block her
Um seems like she was and is jealous of your relationship and she felt some type of way for awhile. She’s either over it and misses your or she’s just being nosey cuz you’re about to have a baby by a man that she wanted to be with. Either way it’s messed up that she was that close all that time and ignored you that long. Honestly if she can go that long without talking to you and blowing you off instead of just talking to you about how she feels and working it out the mature way then you don’t need this girl in your life. You were fine the last 3 years. She couldn’t be happy for you then what makes you think she can be happy for you now?
This is a prime example of why I have 1 female friend because I’ve been hurt by so many “friends” that I just started being a loner and focusing on my kids and relationship and my family and stopped worrying about anyone else and I’ve never been happier. I don’t have any unnecessary drama. I say you don’t need her you have an amazing man and a beautiful baby on the way. Enjoy it because they grow up FAST!!
Coming from someone who lost a brother almost 6 years ago that really does something to your head and maybe you dating his best friend was something hard for her to Process.What kind of friend was she before the loss of her brother? If she was a good one then maybe open up the lines of communication again.It doesn’t hurt to say how your feeling and maybe she will open up more and you can go forward from there depending how she responds to you.
Wow absolutely not do not let her into yours or your husband life unless you want serious issue and to possibly lose your now husband she’s nuts and will make you wish you never met her been their done that
Why would you keep contacting her, so you can rub the fact that your engaged to someone she wanted to be with, and now pregnant by him. Did you get engaged first or pregnant first…please post again in a year so we can see how this all works out for you.
She could have had an wake up call or an epiphany. Or, there’s some sketchiness brewing inside her head. I’m going for the second. But that’s just me. I personally would not entertain her whatsoever.
Theresa Aramburu what did you even read cause literally none of that is what she said . Friend had a whole ass boyfriend. Tough cookies if she was crushing on some other guy not this girls problem. Also she tried to make the friendship work and reach out which over time fizzled out… Not that she has been constantly contacting her for 3 years and she clearly states she got engaged first. You good? You need glasses
I wouldn’t she sounds jealous and toxic. Too much stress esp if your pregnant. Let it go and enjoy your pregnancy and new family girl. Move on baby! Best of luck
This is a hard one. Maybe since you are pregnant with his child she realizes yall are serious? Maybe she grew up and understood she was being an a$$? If its were me, I would give her ONE last chance. But thats me and I am very forgiving. Go with your gut, its not usually wrong. Good luck
I honestly would just text her and lay it all out and let her know how you feel about it and tell her basically that you realized how toxic your guys ‘ friendship is/was and with you having a new life and starting your own little family you think it’s best if you guys don’t reconnect on your friendship because you don’t want that kind of situation and drama for your new family. Yes, when family members die everyone grieves differently so maybe she thought it was best that she distance herself from everybody but if she looked at you as a true friend she would’ve reached out to you so you could be the shoulder that she cried on but she didn’t see you that way.
If you do start to melt some ice just keep her on a short leash, your going to be a mom and dont need drama or games, if she respects your cautious attitude maybe she’ll be worthy of understanding her immature actions some day
Maybe she has weird feelings because she loved her brother and his best friend feels like a connection to him. So she either wants to be with your husband because he reminds her of her brother which makes her happy, or she doesn’t want to be around him (and hence, you) because it reminds her of her brother and it makes her sad.
I’d just ask her questions point blank like why the ghosting for so many years, why couldn’t she be nice, is she in love with your man, why is she communicating with you now? Even if she doesn’t give you a straight answer you can see her reaction. In any case I’d be wary of her and think carefully about letting her back into your life unless this is the result of 6 years of her being in therapy.
Leave it as it is. When someone doesn’t directly reach out & formerly try to help you understand why they dropped off the face of the earth, they ain’t tryna come back an be buddy buddy again. Maybe some people do have good intentions but, majority come back to create drama, be vindictive & manipulative & that energy is boring & high school field drama. The way you described her responses since being pregnant sounds like she has an agenda. And not a great one. I’d stay clear & say exactly what you said on your post, to her. She fake as hell mama.
I would ignore her. That’s a long time to put effort into an obviously not great friendship while getting nothing out of it. Being her friend or allowing her to be yours now tells her that that kind of treatment is A-ok in your book. Nope. The ship sailed. Let it go.
My adult side says to just delete her. My petty side says send that
My ‘bff’ did this to, right after my 2nd child was born… I hope she knows I also have twins now. Coz I’m petty and I know she always wanted twins.
I definitely wouldn’t be responding while you are pregnant. I always tell people “saying nothing says the most” and it’s true. Your emotions are high and it’s probably not the best time to respond. I’d maybe wait till after the baby is born to have a conversation if that’s something you wanna do but now is a time for you and him to enjoy your pregnancy and it’s not worth it at this point trust me the added stress is nothing nice while pregnant. I hope this helps.
No point staying hostile or angry for the rest of your life whether it is long or cut short either way life is just short when you think about it!
You said she was your best friend for 15 years prior.
You put the message out there as it bothers you. Message her back. Ask her for a coffee and just get on with it! Ask her why in person.
I would say she was struggling with things… her brother, the best friend, you! She was going through stuff and possibly matured.
If she was that good of a friend which people call family just talk to her and literally move on and be happy! Moving on doesn’t mean you’re best friends again… it can or at least get the conversation over with and move on with clarity and not hate and questions!
I say block her . Like someone commented some people do come with good intentions and some come with evil ones . Don’t wait to find out hun . Leave her ghosted like she left you . There is no need for that in your life .
Repeat after me.
You. Should. Not. Have. To. Beg. Someone. To. Be. In. Your. Life.
How would you feel if it was your kid in this situation instead of you?
Think about that. If you dont want him in that position, do not put yourself in the situation;
Like wise, dont respond to her and cut ties with her.
Friends don’t do that to friends PERIOD if she’s mad about a man n he picked u, she should’ve left it alone and remained friends and talking but now that ur pregnant she wants to come around after these years um naw just stay where you been at. U can either talk to her or go upon ur business. But PLEASE DON’T STRESS YOURSELF OVER THIS SITUATION NOW THAT YOUR PREGNANT
Sounds like jealousy. You’ve got the man and now a baby. Block and keep her far. I’ve seen some movies that start this way and have some bad endings lol
Do not even respond. She didn’t wanna be in your life and honestly sounds like you’ve done great without her. She sounds like she would be bringing a whole lot of toxicity into a time that is supposed to be a blessing for you two. Congrats on the baby!!
I would reply just as you said. And…protect your relationship. Pregnancy can be difficult. It might be smooth sailing for you or a bag of emotions and hormones throughout. Don’t bring her back in for that….
she’s nuts and will make you wish you never met her been their done that
no way of d trust her to be my friend again.
I personally would not entertain her whatsoever.
. Friend had a whole ass boyfriend. Tough cookies if she was crushing on some other guy not this girls problem. Also she tried to make the friendship work and reach out which over time fizzled out… Not that she has been constantly contacting her for 3 years 
and she clearly states she got engaged first. You good? You need glasses 
