Unpopular opinion here but i personally talk to my ex as a mate an occasionally hang out eg Christmas day we were all together including my partner at my house. I drive him place sometime like the shop as he doesn’t drive .we definitely aren’t interested in a relationship just can be civil so i think its possible… however if ur being excluded that’s just suss
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your instincts are right on!
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Well put your foot down and stop all of that before you go down the path of actually getting married. If he has a problem with it, you kniw not to get married.
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If I was him I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near her but maybe he’s doing what he thinks he needs to do just to be with his daughter
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He’s probably giving her what she wants when they’re together to keep her happy so he can be with his daughter but it’s wrong either way the whole Situation is messy
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Get a lawyer go to court so he can have rights then when she runs off she will get in trouble
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Very fishy. Tell him the toxic relationship has to end. He has already lied about custody of his kid. He could have petitioned to get 50/50…the fact she got abandonment means he didnt make an effort. Lies sbout one thing…Dont know why he is even in the picture still…
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Think twice before actually marrying him
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Here’s my thing, his child should always come before any woman or relationship. You may not like what he’s doing to see that daughter, but he’s doing whatever it takes because he’s been deprived of that child. You either trust him or you do not.
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Nah…he being shady girl… and she gone do all she can to get him back
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Its happening bkuz you’re allowing it set your boundaries
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He can either take her to court for parental rights that she can’t interfere with, or he can let you leave
Because he’s definitely trying to hook up with her if there are snapchat conversations
Sorry but why tf do they need to talk on a platform that immediately deletes the messages after they’re read? Thats not about their kid, its about them.
And the “were gonna have kids with us” is a bullshit excuse. Cuz my man and I have driven around to get babies to sleep just so we could get some “grown up time” before so I don’t see the difference
Maybe this is something that needs to be discussed with him. And set boundaries. If he loves you, he won’t hide things from you, and from my experience, snapchat is the best way to hide things like photos and chats.
Get a lawyer…
Abandonment gets custody switched.
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Get a lawyer and order a DNA test through courts because this happened to a guy I know for years just found out the kid isn’t even his she manipulated him knowing he had moved on and was well off enough and didn’t have his own child yet.
Tell him they need to take it to court & be legal about it, he’ll get 50/50 if he is trying & the court will see that, the fishy shit will end from there & if it don’t then you know there’s more going on. Do not be fooled there’s ways he can go about it without having to be up her ass 24/7.
Girl… Sit his ass down and set some serious boundaries…
If he refuses, I’d bail…
1st- you need to trust your soon to be husband, despite his ex, if you think he might go along with her and cheat, you shouldn’t be marrying him.
2nd- that’s their child, and they should be able to have time together without you, especially if the daughter wants just mummy and daddy time.
3rd- he needs to take her back to court, record times and days he’s seen her, and if the mother goes ghost again, he needs to get a lawyer and tell them she’s taken off, not just sit there and not even try, bit shitty on his part not to take that further and fight for his daughter in my opinion.
4th- take a breath, it’s a super hard situation for you to be in, and unfortunately out of your control, think a sit down deep conversation needs to be had, especially on how it is making you feel, and how he feels, get on the samp page, make a plan together, and go from there.
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Tell him how you feel & if he can’t stop seeing her leave " do it before it’s too late ,
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Do you have a child with him? If not I would cut all ties. But their way, I’d be done with the relationship.
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He wants have his cake and eat it too. Better to move on
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Yeah I have a son and I’m not with his dad. His dad has a girlfriend. We really only talk about our son except for an odd occasion here or there or a joke. Mind you neither of us have feeling for each other. But even if I still had feelings for him I wouldn’t be trying to hit him up if he was with someone else. We don’t really go places just us and our son, unfortunately we aren’t a family and we don’t pretend to play couple for our son
The Snapchat is super fishy. They can communicate via text and phone calls. Why on earth would they need a social media outlet where the picture disappears automatically? Hmmmm. Not to hard to figure that one out. Also, no ex’s that I know of go off to do things together with the children. He needs to get into court to fight for his rights to his child and be done with this game she’s playing. I would give an ultimatum. He either stops with all the Snapchat and hanging out or I’m out of the relationship.
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He needs to establish boundaries with her and so do you. After all the things she’s done to him, why would he WANT to go anywhere with her? Why would he even entertain her? WHY would he have her on Snapchat of all things when she has a history of being sexual towards him and all that stuff can go away in half a second with no proof?
He sounds just as fishy as she does. There’s no reason for them to be Snapchatting or texting and damn sure not going anywhere with just them two and the girl.
You need to draw a line. Either he establishes FIRM boundaries with her, or he can go live with her HC toxic ass.
It’s not too late for him to get rights. Get a lawyer and get the process started. Then he won’t have to talk to her in order to see his daughter.
Put your foot down and demand the respect of him not acting sneaky with his ex.
Nope no way should he be texting or snapchatting with her. Let it be known that that nonsense is totally unacceptable and will not be tolerated…especially when he told you she wants to be with him. Women can be viscous when they want their man and some resort to just about anything. He should take her to court for visiting rights before she takes off again. Fatal attraction alert.
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Girl what? Do not marry him.
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Nah her reaction to you should be enough for him
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Ask for his snap login. If he fights you that’s your answer
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Inappropriate anyway you look at it!
So a few things. I have 2 boys with different dads. Sometimes we shoot the shit during drop off/pick up. And we have fb and snap chat also but that’s bc we were friends long before we had a kid. Also we NEVER just snap or text about random or weird things. Maybe a comment about what the child was doing in the picture or whatever but that’s it. My bf also has full access to my phone if he wanted it, I have even said “hey can you check that”! If my bf wanted me to delete them as friends I would for the simple fact that I don’t need to have those to co parent with them… I also think the comment from him " you should trust me" is a little far fetched in my opinion. If she is talking to him Like that HE needs to address that immediately by saying no STOP don’t talk to me like that or whatever to her! I have said before woman are sneaky and bitches. Some woman only want what they can’t have so they will sabotage or create hostility between couples… he might be an innocent party but she certainly is not and he needs to fix that bc he is entertaining her!!!
Nay nay … Its probably time to walk away. You have your own responsibility with your daughter. If he doesn’t understand what he is doing is ruining the trust then move on. You deserve better. Sounds like he needs to handle his past.
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Not cool… Better nip it in the bud
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Why would he want to be so friendly after all she’s done to kerp him away from his kid? He needs to start using proper channels of communication and keep records so maybe he can get some rights??? Snapchat is not that…
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Maybe he’s talking to her to be able to have contact with his daughter 
you can’t really be upset with them chatting especially if it gives him the chance to have his daughter in his life again. If you trust him than what’s the issue 
even IF they did take their daughter some place it shows that they are able to co-parent and still get along with one another WITHOUT the other also having feelings, as long as you know about it and it isn’t being kept from you then let it be he gets a chance to be with his daughter. If it bothers you that much that they have contact with one another have him take the mother to court for full custody of the child since clearly the mother can’t make the right choices in regards to the child
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his fcking her do not marry this man its a red flag already that is not normal there’s supposed to be boundaries and they both over stepped it all 
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He needs to go to court and petition for a paternity test, first of all. This female can’t be trusted. He should be nice so he can serve her with the paperwork. She’ll have no other choice but to comply. He can’t get hit with abandonment if she dips out with the kid. He needs to be more proactive about this.
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There is a way you can keep the texts sent for 24 hours on snapchat ask him to do that and if he fights you then I would leave. There is no reason to communicate over snapchat if he’s trustworthy.
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He needs to save every conversation between them and file for visitation.
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Too fishy. He can go to court and fight, ask that she have no contact with him except for in regards to child. But the fact that they are on Snapchat a lot and things and he claims he doesn’t feel the same about her is super fishy.
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Quite frankly this isn’t something you’re going to get anywhere with. She is abusive. Walking away from anything that woman wants means he will have to walk away from his kid. Unless he can find a way to prove all of the manipulation and emotional/mental abuse, he will never win. So I’d walk if I were you. There is no way for you to get him untwisted from this woman, especially if they took his parental rights. It won’t be you vs her, she’ll make it a you vs his daughter.
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That’s got red flags all over it…I can’t imagine trying to go somewhere alone with my kids father, knowing he’s engaged (personally I wouldn’t do that period, but yikes). You can do things as an entire group, or with the kids separately… but if they’re intentionally keeping you out that’s weird af.
And snapchat is always concerning because why can’t you talk on a platform that DOESNT immediately erase what you’re saying🤔
Her intentions are clear and you have every right not to trust her, but he seems to be feeding into it and I wouldn’t trust him either
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Me and my ex partner talk all the time, still go out as friends together, take the kids out I don’t see the problem personally? Be the best co parents you can be
Look if he didn’t still love her he could easily get full sole custody of his kid. He wants her.
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Sounds like a husband problem to me
You already know. Just boot him to the curb. Smh…
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Dont get married for sure. I’d leave actually.
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I’d tell her if she wants him In the kids life to go to court n get arraignments set up. I Kno it’s not typical since the "abandoned"thing but he can fight n heir she will show proof of her changing numbers n addresses n whatnot. I’d also ask hubs when possible to show y the Snapchats n screen shot them and save texts, emails, phone records so he can fight for her n show proof it’s the mum being the brat not him. I get him wanting to be friendly to see his kid but her BS is outta line. But me, I’d get hee number, be very nice n appropriate and keep records of everything she says to u too
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Start being like that with your bd & tell him he should trust you!
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You’ll never win. Run! And fast! Never look back! This is just trouble
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I think he should go to court and get some legal rights, maybe he’s going with her, talking to her however she wants so she dosnt take his kid away again?
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Run. Let the trash take itself out.
He probably doesn’t want to lose his child again. I would file court for rights and if he wont do that then leave.
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If you have to ask you already know… he’s not respecting you at all. Kick him out
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This is not a her issue, this is a HIM issue!
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How has he never had any legal visitation? Did he not bother with the court system? He needs to start there first. Is his lawyer advising him to go and do and have all of this contact to prove he didn’t abandon the child but that mom disappeared and now that she back he’s immediately being active. Also coparenting relationships can be very involved like this or they can be different it’s whatever works best to have a healthy safe environment for the child/ren. Also he is right you should trust him if you don’t then don’t get married. It sounds like your previous husband wasn’t a great coparent if he couldn’t even bother to be the one in contact with the bio mom and she had to contact you.
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If he’s on his child birth certificate then yes he does have legal rights to his child. He only doesn’t if she didn’t put him on the birth certificate, doesn’t give the child his last name or she went to court to get his parental rights terminated
Tell him if it doesn’t stop u may have to leave and if he doesn’t stop u need to leave.If they are not having an affair now they will soon
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I mean. Me and my ex took our son to a heart appt together when he had a gf and she got mad bc we rode down in the same car. They didn’t last.
Number one rule in my relationship and home… NO SNAP CHAT. .
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Nope I definitely would not be okay with this.
Maaaan run while you can sis
If you don’t trust him, let him go. The issue is you, not him. If you think she can so easily lure him away, let him go.
Man is having his cake and eating it too. Next!
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This is definitely not a problem that you need to have with her. This is an issue you should be having with him. He is allowing all this so you need to confront HIM not her because she doesn’t owe you a single thing.
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Unpopular opinion but… I see it all the time. You either trust him or you don’t. This woman may always be a part of his life. Courts go extra mile to not shut out a parent. If I were in his shoes I would NEVER allow my partner to yell me when and how I should be around my child’s parent . If you do trust him keep communicating get court orders. If not then cut your losses
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He needs to take her to court. also, you do need to trust him or move on. Because either you trust him or you’re miserable. Not every relationship is the same, nor every baby momma situation is the same. Odds are your situation won’t change so your options are to deal with it and trust him or be so jealous that miserable that you eventually leave.
Any man who won’t just bite the bullet, hire a lawyer and get set custody time will always be a slave to the mother of their children. Yes, there will be entire seasons of life where that works out for all b/c the Mom is in a good mental place, but she can also make him hop, skip, & jump through hoops whenever she desires.
This relationship can’t be appropriate until he takes back some power, through the courts with set custody days
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He already broke your trust when he didn’t file to get rights to his daughter and tell his ex to kick rocks so I would just end it … bc a real man would go to court get his rights and tell her to fuck off even more so after all the shit she has put him threw
Sounds like they deserve each other… Kick his disrespectful butt out and let them have at it
He wouldn’t be going unless I went and the Snapchat would stop phone call would be listen to by me! Trusting him??? If he does all this after all the things she’s but the family through!! Trust really?? Visits would be outlined and that would be that!!! See how much she really wants the visit without dad around!!! I think you’ll find she’ll disappear again!!
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Nope. I’d be putting my foot down. First he needs to go to court and get access to his kid incase she dissappears again, then she’ll get in trouble if she does, and by access like for him.to.see his child without her.
No 2, you need to put your foot down, if you and he are going to last he needs to stop letting her flirt with him, playing happy families with her. It’s damaging to the child as well as you. If they are going to dosney world,the beach a zoo he needs to invite you. If he’s happy going with his ex and leaving you behind your second best. Yes he needs time with his kid but there’s no reason you can’t join in, or he ex can’t stay home. Nothing to do with not trusting him, he’s not respecting you, or earning trust by going off doing family things with his ex whom is not his family. Should be him n his daughter, n eventually his partner
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He should try to file for visitation while she’s still in town
Question is how much do. You trust your SO
The issue seems to be his lack of consideration for your feelings. If he’s not willingly putting boundaries up to show his commitment and love for you then that should ring alarm bells. If she’s openly saying she wants him back then he should be “showing her” this isn’t an option but he seems to be encouraging it with constant attention.
Snap chat seems very inappropriate and unnecessary, outings with the kid could be ok but constantly chatting on the phone and txt says to me there is at the very least an emotional affair going on. You don’t dedicate all that time to someone else when you have a family and partner to be available for.
Approach him about having an open phone/snap chat/ fb account policy where you can both access each other’s phones. If he has something to hide he will get defensive and angry.
Go with your gut.
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Nope nope nope that’s super weird - leave him now before you have kids to him.
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Not happening, there be set time and it should never be him and her with their daughter.
Get her for abandon ment. She will pop in and out that’s not good for the child. Yes she is trying to get him. Some men don’t see it till it happens.
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Not the kind of contacting that should be happening. I’m sorry that you are dealing with this ugh ridiculous
No. None of this is ok. Why doesnt he take the mother to court? He now has her info. You would think that’s what he would concern himself with. Not playing her mind fing games. Playing her games only hurts the child
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That whole situation seems as if it were handled terribly at some point or in the beginning. He should have went ahead and gone to court and got everything set up for himself and then filed paperwork against her for leaving with the child. Parents can effectively coparent without cozying up and if they can’t then they should never have gotten their divorce to begin with. It is not a matter of whether you trust him or you do not trust him the simple fact is he is disrespecting you and you should not tolerate that. There is a process that allows him to have adequate time with his child and none of that involves disrespecting you.
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Pretend you are your daughter. What would you tell her to do? What boundaries would you tell her she is very much lacking? What red flags would you point out? Then do for yourself what you would support your daughter in doing; “Run, don’t walk!”
It makes no difference whether he is not interested in her or if she wants him back. The fact you are uncomfortable with it is your God given “intuition” telling you they have both crossed YOUR boundary. To spend time together as a family despite you having a relationship and family with this man is disrespectful, insensitive and absolutely inappropriate if any of you feel uncomfortable.
Obviously, you recognize his daughter is important, but if she is important enough, he needs to take legal action to get at least shared custody. If you are important enough, he will no longer meet with his ex without you being present. Guard your heart and your family or watch it dissolve. It does not matter if your man doesn’t have the same perspective or opinion. The idea you feel the way you do is reason enough to safeguard you and your relationship. If he is unwilling to accommodate your needs and demands, then he is unworthy of you. He needs to make a plan with you as to how you will handle future situations, expectations, and consequences clearly stated. You and he must be a team. It begins now, and his ex needs to observe your (both of you) boundaries as a couple that makes your relationship a priority.
There comes a time, for a woman to assert her boundaries and to pay attention to her intuition. Both he and his ex need to be put on notice as to what you will or will not tolerate. I have been married 48 years.This is one of those times!
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To me it depends on how much trust you have. Personally, my kids’s dad and I take our girls places with just us, and we message quite often. Mostly pertaining to our girls, but sometimes for other reasons. We didn’t end on bad terms though, and are legit friends. Which I believe is what’s best for the kids. The Snapchat thing does seem a little sketch. I mean I have my kids’s dad on snap, but normally only my girls sends him snaps, or I will send him memories that pop up of our girls. My boyfriend has trust for me, so it doesn’t really cause any issues with us. I do question though, why he hasn’t went to the court house and filed now that he has her Info though, seeing how she can just up and leave at any moment again
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Uhh if this is the drama your dealing with now think about what it will be like when/if you marry him! You shouldn’t have to wonder what your fiancé is talking about to his daughter’s mother… lay down the boundaries otherwise that’s what your marriage is going to look like because by the sounds of things he thinks it’s ok to talk as though they are still a couple and go places as though they are a couple still. Sit him down and tell him that if he doesn’t stop the contact and talking to his ex as though you a don’t exist then there will be no wedding. All they should be talking about is their daughter nothing else. Not only is he being disrespectful to you by jumping to her immediately he’s showing he’s not interested or committed. He should be putting a stop to his ex as she sounds like a train wreck and a home wrecker, have a good talk to your fiancé before it goes further.
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They only need 1 form of contact…Snapchatting each other is weird especially after so long. Maybe deep down he wants the family life 
he should be able to see his daughter without her there (unless there’s a court order saying he can’t) tbh I’d just stand back and see what happens if you argue about it they will just end up saying you pushed them together 
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Nope that’s not appropriate. Burn all of his stuff!!! Kidding…kind of…but no honey, put your foot down!
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He must be thick as 2 bricks to not see the pattern there! If he falls for her rubbish then let him go because you do not need to dance in that conga line like he does.
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Maybe it feeds his ego that ex is coming crawling back to him and he is enjoying the attention. Idk… But you should have a heart-to-heart with him and point blank tell him, he would not allow you to treat him that way! Its about consideration and respect to you and your wedding vows. Time spent with her, is stolen time taking away from you and your kids. If he doesnt see a problem, tyen Id go visit an attorney for a divorce! He doesn’t love you, if he prefers to be with her. Remind him you did not agree to be a ‘sister wife’!
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Well one…he did abandon that child. While blaming mom for it. If my partner took my child and disappeared…guess who’s doing everything possible…including hiring a private investigator to find her…so we can serve her the papers for court.
So let’s not make excuses for him. Ex is a bitch, but he let her do it. Didn’t even fight by the sounds of it. She disappeared out of his life, not off the face of the earth.
I’m tired of men that blame the ex but did NOTHING themselves.
Now beyond that. Nope. You all ain’t gonna be playing family…
But what we would be doing is filing with the courts for visitation. So dad can see his child, but without mom present.
If he can’t respect that, then we done🤷.
It’s not about trust, it’s about respect. I trust him, but I need him to respect us and our relationship. Also need him to respect our relationship by respecting the boundaries and enforcing them with her to.
Playing house with the ex isn’t it…esp if I’m not invited.
I’m all for him seeing the child…even seeing the ex on occasion. But if I’m excluded completely…what you hiding?
Sounds like he is still seeing her on the downlow
I’d be running so fast
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I don’t think it’s inappropriate for the way he is interacting with his kids mom.
It is however, crossing boundaries within your relationship, is he aware that these are things that you’re not comfortable with and knows there have been boundaries set? Communicate your expectations and what you are and aren’t comfortable with. Maybe he just doesn’t realize that what he is doing is uncomfortable for you.
Borrow someone’s car he won’t recognize and follow them
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No that’s not appropriate set up visitations and that’s it
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There’s something going on behind your back and I’d run like hell in the other direction far away from both of their messiness.
Nah, he can delete Snapchat. N he has no business going off playing family with her n their kid without you
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I co parent with my ex we only discuss things about our son. We don’t communicate with each other on any social media platforms. We accept phone calls or text messages but it’s nothing sexual or inappropriate at all. I know everyone co parents differently. To me this is a red flag why can’t you be apart of the picture. Why can’t he spend time with his daughter one on one? Why does his ex have to be there? I understand he has no rights due to his situation. That’s crazy. He really needs to get a lawyer and start taking the appropriate steps to being able to have some kind of visitation schedule. To me it sounds like his ex just wants her needs met because she is currently single. Which is not right. They should have some type of boundaries and he should have respect for you. Either he gets his shit situated or you might have to make that choice and leave him. He can’t have his cake and eat it too.
Why do u put up with it if ur gut feelings are telling u different then when he takes off with her again just pack up and leave file for divorce quickly as u can. He’s making u feel stupid and ur just letting him do that to u.
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“If you don’t trust her, trust me.” That’s exactly what an ex of mine said before cheating with the same person he was talking about. Snapchat? Really not necessary to co-parent. Snapchat also erases stuff after a while. It’s not really seen again, so that would make me uncomfortable too. It sounds as if he still has feelings for her too. They made a child together. He wants you to think the extra forms of communication are normal. I would just drop it. Forget the drama that comes with it. If he really wants to be with you for the rest of your lives, he should respect what boundaries you have.
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Yeah no! I’d slap them both if I found out my man did this shit! Then I’d leave! Snapchat is a no no because shit can be erased and theres no getting what was said in chats back!! 
And secondly, he doesnt need to constantly text/talk to her especially if she has made it known she has feelings for him. Talking and texting should only be about their child and unless its important appointments, they have no reason going places together without you! Listen to your gut girl because what you saying in your post, is telling me hes being sneaky and is gaslighting you into thinking this is normal behavior! 
You obviously don’t trust him so move on… simple as that
You’ve been married before? Maybe your still thinking of that relationship. Oh wait you mentioned that. 
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He loves his kid. If you trust him chances are he’s trying to be ok with ex to see his kid but trying not to upset you same time. My hubby’s ex played this game for yrs using kids as weapon cause wasn’t on one kids birth certificate. Easy way to stop control was I made him do dna test. Once we had paperwork to prove this she soon stopped trying to use kids as a weapon to get own way.