Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is their relationship inappropriate? - Mamas Uncut
Set boundaries and stand ur ground
He better cut the crap out or ild leave… disrespectful to u he is not considering Ur feelings one bit and needs to put that bitch in her place
Legal abandonment is 7 straight years. And he has rights. U take her to court showing she is doing this, he will be given his rights. Possibly custody if can prove she unfit
That’s definitely inappropriate behavior . Him n her have no reason to be snap chatting . If it was me I would cut ties with him n let them be a family . She’s prone to burning his ass so just let her burn his ass again. They playing house knowing he has a partner n his ex has feelings for him still . If they want to go some where in public with child then you should be included n meet in public . Cheating behavior is already taking place . Not everyone gone like what I had to say but imma say it anyway . Good luck with that situation but she is a trifling baby mama
1st I would def tell him how you feel. If is fruitless i would leave i wont swallow my feelings for my partner ever again. There are more appropriate ways to communicate with kids mom. As far as visits go to court and tell the judge. Court just want kids to be safe they dont want fatherless kids to prove a point. The judge will look down on immature/unpredictable behaviour like that from a parent in coustody court.
I’d be uncomfortable. I’ve always been in my daughter’s life so it’s not the same but her dad and I split up when she was 2. For 10 years we secretly had involvement while with other people. Not something I’m proud of so I’m not bragging. I’m just saying if you feel something is off it’s likely that it is
You need to stand your ground and let your partner know how this makes you feel, if he can’t handle that then obviously he isn’t worth it. It does sound kind of odd to me in a sense, go with your heart, there’s nothing stronger than that
I would be concerned. Trust your gut.
Why use snap chat to communicate set your boundaries and your terms if he can’t respect it then leave.
Ttust your gut. This is BS
Set boundries or be walked over your choice
girl leave him you sound like you a woman that has sense and knows her value. Aint nobody finna put up wit that epically if yall don’t got kids together. Okay on to the next and you said you been putting up wit her disappearing for years? yeah he tripping sis let em go and see what happens. Sh!t don’t be worth the time.
He needs to start by getting an agreement so he does have rights to her. I’m friends with my kids dad (they’re older ) and we sometimes talk about things that don’t involve our kids but there’s a line neither of us cross as far as convo.
If he is legally the father he can take her to court for refusing to allow visitation with his child. His child support payments should show lack of abandoning even if she isn’t allowing him to see his child.
Nope, seems strange to me. Not saying he’s done anything, but the situation is definitely strange and if it makes you uncomfortable, he should respect that.
I would call her (from his phone) and put it on speaker. I would tell her how inappropriate it is for her to speak to him the way she is. You can see his reaction and hers when you say this to her. If something is going on, i doubt she’ll keep quiet about it because of the way it seems she is already… he can’t get upset at you for standing your ground. If the roles were reversed, I’m sure he’d feel insecure about it too. Set your boundaries or they’ll continue to take advantage of you and the last thing you need, is to be stuck with someone who would cheat. Get answers. It sounds like your gut is already telling you that something isn’t right… trust but verify!
First and foremost he needs to take her to court for visitation so why hasn’t he done that in all these years ? But listen to your intuition it’s there for a reason. Most females don’t stay hook to their exes unless their ex is playing with their emotions just FYI
Seems fishy to me. Why Snapchat ? Because the chats delete. So there’s something being hidden. There’s no way this would fly with me. How would he feel if you went places with your child and her father ? Promise he wouldn’t approve. Maybe you should bring that up.
Heck to the no! There is no need for Snapchat… period!!! I understand he may want to be around his daughter… now is the time to get the courts involved. He didn’t abandon his daughter, the mother made it impossible to be involved. There is so much wrong with this situation!!
Tell him how you feel and set boundaries. If it doesn’t change then LEAVE!
He needs to take her to court and he needs to start getting visitation rights. Everything needs to be on paper… UNLESS he doesn’t wants to pay child support. Because once you start going to court, the first thing the judge will ask: are you paying child support?
If you can’t handle that situation, it’s the best interest and healthy for your child to have a safety and healthy relationship with his father, without mommy and daddy drama.
1000% this is inappropriate. You need to stand your ground now and tell HIM he needs to make the changes or make the decision. Completely disrespectful imo
That is incredibly inappropriate.
He’s riding the fence between you two and if you stay you’re allowing it!
It is inappropriate, BUT if that’s the only way I got to see my child, I would probably do it also. Your husband is really in a hard spot. I would maybe talk to him further about it and see what his perspective is and why he is engaging with her in this way without prompting that “it’s the only way he gets to see his daughter”
No reason to be communicating over Snapchat, especially since he’s been alienated from his child. Why would you not hate this person with a burning passion? If she’s actively trying to keep him away, there is no way that the court won’t at least allow visitation, especially with her moving and not telling him. At this point, I would prepare for the worst because there is no reason is heck that someone should be buddy buddy with someone who took their kid away from them.
He’s entertaining her… This situation is strange.
Tell him to cut the shit…
Yeah no. I text my ex when it’s time for pick up or anything about our daughter. I don’t hang with him or text him random stuff. Sounds like they both got something going on because he’s allowing it.
The problem is him. If he can’t set boundaries then that’s an issue in itself.
Young one - you two are one - package deal-
Soon to be ex husband?
The red flags just keep coming girl. He needs to put this woman in her place and figure it out. A parent who wants to be a part of their child’s life would for sure have found a way and left the woman to be trifling on her own. He’s allowing her to act that way. And allowing her to grip his gonads and run. And if Y’all are to get married then you should really consider getting a lawyer and handling it legally because that snapchap deal is sus.
He is having his cake and eating it too. Do you really want to share, even before marriage? What would he do if you were doing this?
He is probably terrified she will run off with his daughter again and is trying to keep her happy so that doesn’t happen.
If he wants you he needs to act like a fully committed man. Make it known.
You’re not but they’re always going too be part of each other lives and you don’t get too be included in parenting a be child that’s not yours
He hasn’t learned his lesson with her yet! He is dumb and probley needs you to lay the law down to his dumb self!
I hope you give him a hard ultimatum on boundaries or else get out before you get tied down. He is playing both of you.
My husband ex has the similar behavior. She has not changed in the 8.5 years we have been together.
She did similar things. He would talk to her and try to keep things about their son but never worked and she would go on tangents.
If you are concerned I would just ask him what is being said. And if you trust him then I wouldn’t worry about it.
My husband lets me know what she says or if she randomly messages him.
His ex also tried to “cause problems” but it did not work.
Best solution is to get his custody in writing and rights legally. And that will help the situation if that is what he is wanting to do.
In all of this communication is key and the ability to communicate. Support him in needing to co-parent and help him navigate it and support him in it.
Nah there are boundries. Just because yall share a kid doesnt mean you need to act like yall are still together. If ALL of you can co parent that’s great but its inappropriate for them to exclude you and do that stuff together. Especially if she is talking about sexual stuff! There is NO excuse for that behavior.
At least you know before you’re married lol. You already know the answer. What you allow is what will continue.
Please untie your star to him. You won’t be happy sharing. People will show you who they really are …
Believe them the first time!
That may be the only way he can see his kid and she is playing the game or he is doing it because he wants too and has nothing to do with there kid anyways I would be going to the both of them preferably at the same time you need to step up and play hard ball and if that results in him leaving then let him.
Ya he’s gonna cheat don’t marry this guy he sounds like a d bag
All this time chatting with her can be spend chatting with a lawyer on how to get access to his child.
This isn’t about her… it’s about him. If you can’t trust him with her, you can’t trust him period.
And he does have rights to his child if he serves her with papers now… when she’s in town. She leaves, she’s in contempt.
I’d just walk away from the whole situation sounds like you already know what is going on I wouldn’t wanna be in there drama sounds like the deserve each other
didn’t read this all. Even if she moves, blocks him, etc, it’s still his daughter he will always have rights, He needs to take her to court to get those rights. But it really seems you are more concern he will leave you & go back to her !!! There really isn’t anything you can do about that, if he wants her, & he is stupid enough to go back, he will or won’t
He should go back to court and get the rights to have his daughter on certain days and so on court ordered. Cut out the middle man. Sounds like a cop out to me. Just because a child is around it doesn’t mean a damn thing. If there is a will there is a way.
So why doesnt he FILE for rights while shes around? She wont be able to dip off again she will be held in contempt of court. I could not be with someone who didnt fight to see their children.
First things first. He needs to get a lawyer & file for visitation rights. Once he established rights if she moves without court approval it’s parental kidnapping & he can get custody. I always tell parents to always go through the courts. This is 1 reason why. If she runs once notified of a court hearing she’s in contempt. A lawyer will find her.
Second it sounds likes afraid of loosing his daughter again so he’ll go along with her. The mom is controlling him & using the daughter as a pawn. The courts won’t allow this behavior if he goes for rights legally.
She’s playing games with him and he’s letting her. I would exit stage right with this toxic relationship. Its not just inappropriate. Its toxic as heck… He can’t keep you out of it if you’re the relationship he’s serious about and leave everything about the child. And if he wants something to do with the child legally he can get a paternity test done and get his dang rights. He doesn’t need her permission, just a lawyer and get some visitation established so when she thinks she can do it again to him she will be in contempt. He needs to fight for his child bc he does have rights. Abandonment lol right if he went to court right now showing interest the courts will back him. They did my ex who showed interest after 5 yrs.
They should be talking if it is pertaining to the child any other communication is unnecessary. The whole going out with her and his daughter he is right either you trust him or you don’t…
If another women steps in. It’s because he let it happen. A man who loves an respects you won’t. Need I say more.
If they talk on other things there is no reason they should be snap chatting .my bf has 2 previous baby mama’s and neither are on snap chat. And they only talk about the kids involved. The one tries to over step her boundaries sometimes and he shuts her down. You need to express to him how it makes you feel and what your expectations are and if he can’t respect them then I’d leave cause it won’t change. My bf knows what I expect and he would never do anything that I’m not comfortable with. Snapchat is a no for sure it’s a very sneaky form of communication.
Since the baby mama keeps his daughter from him her is probably just doing what he can to have time with his daughter. He needs to get proof of her keeping their daughter from him screen shot proof of being blocked and take baby mama to court get a parenting plan in place that gives him visitation rights and next time she denies visitation take her back to court, every time it happens.
Typically legal abandonment is deemed by the court. So it’s confusing because even if she didn’t contact him, the court would have to prove the abandonment at a court hearing How did he never have a court date or any paperwork served to him? If he wants a relationship with the child he should get a lawyer & file a petition with the court to rectify the situation. If he has rights then he can keep contact with his daughter through visitation & she cannot just move & cut off contact when she chooses to.
Is that any of your business
Definitely not appropriate.
I don’t think this is about trust at all. You can trust someone and still be uncomfortable with situations they put themselves in. Not to mention, even the best most loyal people can be tempted; it is human nature. So putting himself in a situation, repeatedly, that could lead to inappropriate behavior is the issue here. Yes, he needs to communicate with the mother of his child so he can have visitation; however, it does not have to be constant and snapchat is a bit much. If you are truly concerned you can see his snapchat history and every message/snap ever sent. You shouldn’t have to go that far and it’s sad he’s putting you in this position. He should respect you and your relationship more than that. Ask him what they talk about so much, I have four kids and I couldn’t find that much to talk about concerning them…
Support him
in his relationship with his daughter but give him an ultimatum with the ex. You deserve better than having to live constantly uncomfortable.
All of you are playing games 
take it to court or let it go
Being able to see his kiddo is great. With that being said, he needs to put boundaries in place. Maybe he’s afraid to do that, due to what she has done in the past. Communication between him and you can figure that part out. If that’s the case, he could get a lawyer and go to the courts, now that he knows where she is. I can see playing nice until then. But, if that’s not his/your guy’s plan, and he can’t put up boundaries, I’d move on. Sadly, you can only control your own actions and your own situation. Sorry you’re in a shitty situation. How it all works out for the best.
Definitely would leave
you are not wrong… if he wants to be with you then you should be included whenever he is around his ex. no exceptions. how would he feel if you hung out with your single ex and kept secrets
Nope. Your husband should’ve already cut her out
pack your bags and move on
He doesn’t need her to be around to get custody. He need to file with her current address and send it priority so she has to sign for it or show an I D. If she doesn’t show up she will be held in contempt if she doesn’t show up the next date. Then full custody will be automatic. Sounds like he still loves her for her to show up and control everything like that. He has some choices to make and so do you.
He’s a coward!! He’s afraid to step on her toes so that’s why he plays along with her games. If you don’t say something to her, obviously saying anything to him isn’t working, then this will just continue. Of course you’re going to look like the bad person saying anything to her but he will then say thank you for doing what he knows he should have done. That right there is a red flag that he indeed is a coward when it comes to her. Say something to her or cut him loose. 
To me, Snapchat is too far. If he has nothing to hide, then make him change where messages can be read for 24 hours before disappearing.
Your instincts are spot on…trust your gut!! Do not marry this guy…he still has feelings for his Ex…trust his actions not his words!!
Hes still seeing her
Trouble on the Harrison…she’s winning him back…there’s really nothing you can do…
Tell him to take her to court quit being a pussy.
There are so many red flags here.
I’m sorry I would give him 2 choices you or her!
Sounds like he still wants her but doesn’t want to give you up. I’d tell him you want a break till he can figure it out
Nah. Get away from all that.
Get a lawyer asap start recording all interactions with her and the child sorry to say it sounds like he gave up on seeing her and let her go just to not deal with his ex but if he wants to see his child take it to court he knows enough about her to file against her it doesn’t matter if she blocks him and changes her number try and set boundaries and trust him if something happens its on him and not her this is not the best situation for this baby girl remember that and make sure none of you are taking it out on her even by accident
Red flags on him, she’s irrelevant. If it’s not her it’d be others. Probably is. And he’s not constant in his child’s life. What future would this be?
It sounds like he’s easily influenced and quick to jump at the snap of her finger. I would rethink marrying him, or at least postpone the wedding.
I’ve been n same situation hes cheating.
She’s not the problem he is at least not your problem you need to talk to him and have him stop adding to it
You can get the snap convos even if deleted…do that
I mean what woman would feel comfortable allowing their man to go off with another woman who blatantly wants him ? Youre not wrong for that… if he has respect for you and your relationship, the best thing to do is for him go take it to family court … file a petition… if he cannot afford a lawyer … one will be appointed for him. Filing a petition is free. Have him go down to family court , ask security what floor “petitions” are on … have him go up to a clerk and explain his situation and what he needs, they will direct him to best his poa and take it from there.
In the meantime… why isnt the mother allowing him to be alone with his own daughter? Why does she have to be there and why cant you be there also? If this man loves you and considers you to be apart of his life then he should have no problem with telling the mother of his child that he wants to spend time with his daughter but doesn’t think it’s appropriate or nessesary for her to be there also. He should make it known to her that he is in a serious relationship with a woman he loves and would very much like you to meet his daughter and get to know her also.
She might not like that… but have him text or email this to her, that way its all on record. If she refuses to allow him to see his daughter just because she cant be alone with him… thatll work in his favor in court.
Quite honostly I just think this woman is using their child as a pawn to get him alone so she can make her move. She had absolutely no interest in allowing him to see his daughter while she was in a relationship or off doing god knows what but now that shes lonely and wants him … all of a sudden he can see his child. Its a pawn move for her own selfish desires … and she desires your man! She could care less about having the father in their daughters life and shes proven that time and time again. Shes just trying to get his D. With this type of woman, she could care less that hes in a commited relationship… its a game to her … the fact that hes taken and in a relationship makes the prize even more worth while. Shes going to be relentless with trying to seduce him. Shes selfish and thats the only thing this woman cares about. Make sure he has every response documented.
If he refuses to handle this situation the way i mentioned … then theres definitely misleading happening on his end. He didnt abandon his daughter… if anything the court would charge her for kidnap! This meeds to be handled in family court in front of a judge and as long as he is a fit parent with good intentions… it will work in his favor… from what ive read shes the only parent whos been in the wrong and the judge will also see her for what she is!
Have him fight for his daughter! He has every right to her as the mother does! In fact, unless theres things you havent shared about him… court will definitely work out in his favor!
Yeah, sounds great, stick around and wait for this liar to finish…NOT!
Red flag Id be putting my foot down nope nope nope is all i.can say
The thought that she is interested in him again is laughable, if she did all those things to keep the child from him then she is a “successful” manipulator and you cant be one without someone to manipulate, she’s just back to reload and attack
Red flags for sure.
I would tell him one final time how you feel and why. If he can’t respect your relationship, it’s time for you to walk away.
There is definitely something going on & it sounds like he’s letting it.
Get rid of him before it gets worse you can find someone se.
Cap this all up and end it keep it on text message and see how that goes , he has zero contact with his kid but has all that access to the mom
My significant other and I set rules with each other about our interactions with our kids other parent …I have 3 kids that’s aren’t my SO bio kids and their dad’s involved…and he has a child with a women that does this same thing…chooses when he can and can not be involved…but due to past issues of not trusting each other or making sure the other feels comfortable with what’s going on we don’t hide anything as far as communication… He does contact his ex with me around… mostly due to some past issues of lies…his exs mom is friends with my dad…and there was rumors that my man was trying to " work" things out with his ex to see his child knowing he was with me…I flipped out…and he had no clue…he showed me the msgs where he asked his ex if they could leave the drama out of them being civil with each other to both be there for their daughter…and that he didn’t want her upset trying to use their daughter as a pawn so he would be willing to work with her on making his ex comfortable enough ( due to her being shifty on feelings and her word and taking his ability to see his kid away due to how she feels) but he cleared up the “working it out” phrase wasn’t then being together but being grown up enough to be there…my ex and I get along pretty well…and he sees his kids when he wants and when they want…but again we set rules due to my SO being insecure at first on me and my ex really being done seeing as we were still mutually able to get along…so very early in our relationship we set rules and boundaries…that we were picking each other over our kids having both parents but rules for it being done so that our relationship and grow on trust and not be so much trust and insecurities from not knowing what the other has going on with an ex…I don’t allow my ex to pick up his kids unless my SO is home…I let my SO know every time there’s communication with my ex and I give him a heads up on visits or planned times that my ex will be picking up the kids…and am more then willing to show my phone anytime…the same for him…we tell and show and communicate on every level and detail about anything with our ex so we are on the same page…but no I would never go with my ex without my man to eat,shop,or anything that’s rude and disrespectful…and I would not do that…your man can go to court and say he wasn’t aware of the child and when he became aware it’s been a bunch of games and bargaining with the mother to just be involved and that if he refuses to do or giver the mom her way he loses his daughter…he can fight the abandonment issue if he really wants to…but I’d respectfully ask to sit and talk with him…let him know your insecurities and issues…and if he is willing to involve you in the communication…also speak to him about hiring a lawyer and fighting the abandonment allegation/charge and getting his rights,and visitation with his daughter…ask him to use her past acts and record future events as proof or evidence to work in his favor . But communication with him… calmly and respectfully…coming from a parent no parent likes to be told not to make an effort for there child…to him being at his exs beck n call is his way of seeing his daughter so don’t just rudely tell him you don’t want it to happen… understand where he is…and what you can do to help ease your insecurities in the relationship and him be able to see his daughter…but have this talk first… research the possibilities of fighting the abandonment allegation and getting rights …do some homework…and show him your willing to help him with whatever you can for him to see his daughter that you don’t want to take that a way…I’d also without accusations ( men don’t like being told they aren’t trusted or whatever) ask to see what he is saying with his ex…yes he is on the wrong …but your going to get where you wanna be if he thinks your just insecure…so tell him and tell him to make it better…if he is willing to conversate about it and come to a boundaries and open honestly and allow you to see and be involved with communication…then that’s awesome…if he isn’t willing to work with you on your end esp if you just took all the blame for insecurities…showed your research and efforts to legally get him his daughter and willingness to get a lawyer on his side…and to just reasure you that he loves you and ease your insecurities by doing whatever esp when your willing to help get his daughter not asking to forget her…then leave him and DO NOT marry him…if he isn’t willing to work with you and respect you enough with your personal efforts to help him then there is something more then just his daughter visits going on…and it won’t stop…and if it does it would only be temporary…that’s his child and his ex…and she seems to keep tabs on him enough to re find re communication and re show up every time she wants to so research some stuff get some legal information…present that and open non disrespectful or disregarding his daughter communication and see how it goes…that and his responses to it should be where you make your mind up on what your willing to put up with…but if their is no trust there shouldn’t be a relationship…it won’t get better if your both not willing to put in the work,and effort to reasure the other in any way with trust…what he is doing is deff wrong but to him he thinks it’s the only way he gets to see his baby…and if someone used my child as a pawn not gonna lie I’d put up with alot to see my babies…I have that thought process as most parents should of my child before anybody…and to him doing what his ex says is how he gets what he wants…if that’s all he wants anyways
Snapchat is for cheaters.
If she had feelings for him she would’ve never left.
Sounds like he’s her last option.
When she has nothing or anybody else to be with, she goes back to him.
The situation is inappropriate. They are not together. There is no need for them to be doing things together, unless it’s a family event for the child (birthday, something related to school, sports or a recital). To be honest though, I think he’s full of shit. If he has no interest in her, he wouldn’t be talking, texting and snapping her. You need to make it clear that there needs to be boundaries. Otherwise, you’re gonna say “I do”, regret it and be back on here asking what to do because your husband cheated with his loser baby’s mom.
Oh no that’s bad news. My daughters biological father and I are on good terms and get along fine, and we text/call each other only if it has to do with our daughter or plans for him to come over for dinner with my husband and I or if we all go to my parents or something, my husband and her father know each other and are fine with each other. That’s how it should be. No shady stuff like snapchat. If he’s doing all that to be on her good side to see his daughter, tell him to set up a parenting plan and go through a lawyer so she can’t just take the kid away
Red Flag for sure!!! If he respects your feelings he’ll stand by u and qhats right, if he continues being a tosser, tell him to do 1! U deserve someone who puts ur feelings first xx
He’s right. You need to trust him. If she is that toxic that his only chance to see his kid is with her there and you not there, you need to not fight him on that.
He needs to step it up and “block” her out of his life. This is also horrible for the child
Firstly if he would have petitioned the court and gone about custody in the right way, it wouldn’t matter if she blocked him on fb. He would have rights to his child. That’s an excuse on his part. Secondly, him wildly crossing boundaries with her is another fail on his part as a partner to you. He is disrespecting you by allowing her in his life through private communication factors, and I’m certain their snapchats aren’t just about their child. They are toxic and probably belong together. Get out of this situation. You’re not being respected.