He sounds miserable!! Maybe he needs antidepressants!
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He won’t ever change. Leave him baby. Their are better men out there. You & your children deserve better. Don’t settle for his crap when you could be so much happier
Fuck all of that. Girl you’re already single.
He needs to move out an live his single life alone and cook,pay bills ect for himself. File for child support an let him be a dad
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First of all so sorry you are going through. No his behaviors are not ok and probably will never change. You need to take care of yourself so you can be a great mom to your children. Seek therapy for yourself and get resources and plan to move forward by yourself and children. Best of luck
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It’s not you that needs to change things
He needs to chill out and stop treating you that way
Put all his stuff in black bags, outside the house, change the locks, and carry on with your life - you are perfect just the way you are, and if you going to battle it’s probably easier to battle without him.
Don’t tell him just do it.
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It’s time to move on. You and your children deserve so much better
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Maybe do a trial separation that way he knows your serious about every thing changing but also you get the space you need and can feel good about trying before you leave for good. If he starts doing what’s needed than slowly get back together if he doesn’t then you know what you need to do and you will already be out the door and have some independence. You need to take care of yourself before you take care of someone so selfish and doesn’t care about your feeling’s so why should you care about his b4 your own.
Take ur children and leave or boot him out. I’d tell him Ur pretty doing it on ur own now minus we’ll be single doing it the way he’s treating u is abuse in its self u don’t deserve this behavior u and the kids will be happier without the man due to the fact that he not helping with them or bills or the home n no ur house isn’t gonna be 
all the time with kids in the house keeping up on it yes it’s important but for him to expect it to be shiny tell him to do it if it not good enough for him. If anybody needs change is him not u.
My ex was the exact same way!! Get out run and don’t look back!! If u pay all make him leave. Obviously he has the money to start over.
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I existed in this life, I say existed because it was not living! Turns out he was spending his money on drugs and alcohol, and who knows what else! Trust me walk away! There is a beautiful life waiting for you, life is what you make it, you can either exist or make and exit and experience the goodness of life! Life is short! Pray about it and let the Lord lead you out! It is worth it !
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Has he always been this way? I hate when ppl call their so narcissist and throw the term around when it shouldn’t be, but this man def has all of the narcissistic signs. Like this sounds awful! You pay the bills snd pay for your kids care already, you would be ok on your own with them. This is seriously troubling.
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You don’t need a live in garden boy. Find a new one.
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Shiiid…U shuda BEEN GONE!!!
What you have is an ungrateful overgrown and entitled kid. Why are you being a mother to a full grown man? Why are you taking up his responsibilities? He shouldn’t start a family or be with someone if he can’t be a man!
Throw him out until he’s ready to do right by you before taking him back. On top of this whole mess, he’s abusive?! Ugh! 
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Kick his ass out.
He don’t wanna pay bills. He wants to put you down.
Then he can go.
Get out! Red Flag 
‘s!!!
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I would leave, life can definitely be better then what you are living right now. Dont be afraid of being alone, because we are all alone when we die 
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What are you getting out of your relationship? Heartache that’s what you are getting. Next time do it right, get married!
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Omg why do women put up with guys like this? This isn’t as good as it gets. This isn’t even love. You can do better. You are worth more than being treated like a door mat. I’m not even going to tell you to run! I’m telling you to throw that whole piece of S#@%! In the bin!
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Firstly have you read what you have written? My god the shit women put up with 
You ask is this as good as it gets?
No it’s not as good as it gets!
As good as it gets is not being in the relationship at all! You’re already living the life of a single mum anyway this sack of shit just makes an appearance occasionally only to make you feel worthless and useless. What kind of life is that for anyone?
What can you do to change things for the better? Omgeeee hold my beer” 
How the actual fuck do men do this to women? Like seriously your constantly treated like a slave running around looking after six kids, cooking ,cleaning paying for everything no doubt probably trying to please this creep sexually ugggghhh vomits!!! And when you’ve done all this your still useless to him?
Well fucking tick tock! Clocks ticking you needn’t waste another moment of your time dear stranger!
What you can do to improve things make things better? Well….pull out some self confidence that’s been almost strangled out of you put some Beyoncé on like irreplaceable you know set the mood get ya foot tapping and send this unpleasant wanker to the left. You know like send him packing , like do yourself a solid favour! You’ll be feeling as free as a fucking bird in no time!
He can do whatever he wants and don’t help with anything . if he lives elsewhere well he wont be able to stay there for free you have the upper hand. I would ask one more time if he don’t help go file for a eviction notice he will have 30 days to get out.
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I once told my abused girlfriend that her worthless man must be a total stud in bed because he doesn’t offer anything else to the relationship. she said “No- in fact he cheats on me all the time” Honey, people will only treat you how you allow them too and you allow this man to treat you like a dog and if you aren’t careful this is the example that your kids will use!
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You not married do it,it will be a eye opener for him
Leave. Take your children and leave.
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You can leave him. But you’re not going to.
honestly leave. file for custody. This is most certainly not the “best it gets”. He sounds narcissistic.
Been together that long & its basically like youre single anyway so mightas well be.
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The question is not what can I do to BE better…it’s what can I do to DO better. And honey, the world has options!
Dump him. You do it all anyway.
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Leave take your kids and start over
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Leave with nothing but your babies and the clothes on your back you can make it trust me I did 
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Put him in check if these things can’t be fixed thru communication between u two. your only option is too leave with the kids. Stop paying them bills, stop cooking his food… your not his b*itch an if he can’t love you & respect you then toss him.fr 
Hunny, you and your kids deserve better than this. He’s behaving this way because it’s gone on for so long, he thinks it’s just ‘how it is’ now. It’s time for you to SHOW HIM ‘how it is’. Stop accepting this kind of treatment. Put his @$$ out yesterday!! And STAND YOUR GROUND!!! Don’t fall for the “oh baby I’m so sorry, I’ll change” BS, because after 21 years, that’s all it is-BS. You and your babies deserve so much better and it’s out there!! You just gotta stop settling for what you think you’re stuck with for the rest of your life. I truly wish you the best of luck! 
Sounds awful, I’d kick him out.
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There’s only one thing to change, him bein out of y’all’s lives. You’re already doing everything on your own, might as well get rid of the abuser and make him pay child support the kids he made that he can’t be bothered to raise. He obviously can afford it since he’s always using his money for whatever. Y’all deserve so much better than him, especially after 21 years. I can’t even understand how you could stay with someone who emotionally and financially abuses you like that.
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I think the best thing you can do is leave him and never look back. If you want something better, you just have to go get it. It’s out there, I promise.
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You know your answer you are living it. If you choose to stay start giving yourself some personal self care slap some makeup on take a nice walk with the kids start living a separate life and stop focusing so much on him
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You need to think about what you truly want. Do you really want to live this way the rest of your life? Do you want your kids to think this is a healthy relationship? Is it worth all the pain, stress and abuse? Based on your post I don’t see it changing. You’ve got 2 options… Stay or go. So GO!
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It Sounds like he is a looser I would not put.up.with it. It would be. Shape up Or ship out.
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It sounds like you are doing everything you can possibly do. There’s nothing else you can do to make him love you more. He has issues within himself that is affecting your relationship and family. I know it’s going to be hard with 6 kids, but I suggest you find a way to leave and save money without him knowing. Pretend everything is “normal” while you get your future planned out. It’s the only way. Otherwise it’s just going to get worse.
Someone above said you’re doing it all anyway. I agree with them. You’re doing everything. What is he doing or contributing to? Think about it…
Wishing you and your kids the best 
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Don’t leave put him OUT. Sounds like u have pd for everything u have there and u only rent so give him the boot and don’t look back. U can draw Child surpport and u will be better off so GET IT DONE.
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…this case I’d bounce. He doesn’t respect you. Doesn’t seem like he cares for you or the children. Move on. It gets better sweetie! My man works night shifts more than he doesn’t work. And he still finds the time for our relationship, our children, the house and animals. He sacrifices his sleep (obviously he has to sleep during the day to work at night) to get any time with us or to get any errands done. He goes out of his way to make me happy and make sure I feel loved. You deserve that too!
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Since you pay for everything it seems he isn’t needed financially and he gives you nothing emotionally so I’d say either kick him out or find a new place for you and the kids. There is no need to stay in a toxic relationship and it seems at this point from what you explained leaving will only improve your life. Good luck!
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You’re never going to be a family he’s proved that…so why stay…take your money elsewhere and be happy…if some of your kids are young enough get child support
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Kick him to curb! U are paying bills.
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Leave him. Sounds like you’re better off considering you’re already doing everything on your own anyway.
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Kick him to the curb! Tell he he needs to start looking for a place and explain why, by phone or text not in person. For real tell him to start making other living arrangements. Don’t cook another thing for him. Tell him to go!! There’s nothing he contributes to you , your efforts or the family but demonstrating womanizing abuse for your kids to see. Kick that devil to the curb! Tell him you not renewing the lease and you are moving back home to your parents and he ain’t coming!! Yes, girl. You do you like he don’t exist!! On his days off up and take your family out and leave him home. Sit down with your family and do dinner on your schedule. He can start eating microwave dinners that he better pick up before he comes home. After 21 years this is the worst you get?? Some whining man-child complaining about everything??!! There’s so much more out there for you like your peace of mind!! Kick that dog to the curb!!
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not much of a life…leave start a new life…
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We have this one life to LIVE! You should be happy while LIVING! Best to you🙏🏽
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Have some respect for yourself and kick him to the curb, is this teaching your children how to love and respect each other as they get older and start dating or getting married themselves, and they think well mum put up with that. So I guess I can too, really, if you don’t want it for yourself, do it for your kids, good lord woman, how low does this so called have to go for you to say enough, especially if he is trying to get the kids involved by disrespecting you, 21 years, 15years to long, you are a single mum in all other ways so just get rid of that pig …
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You feel like he doesn’t love you simply because he doesn’t. I would never ever let someone treat me that way. You do better by leaving his sorry ass because you have to accept the fact HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU!!!
You don’t have to stay in an abusive relationship. You can become roomies who get a long, respect each other and start just coparenting. He can and should should share the cooking and keeping the house and bills.
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So my fiance and i have 6 kids together 2 his 4 mine, we both work full time, we both do laundry, we both do all chores and he is always telling me how amazing i am. So you need to run away from this boy!
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Most questions like this are already answered, most want advise but usually don’t take it. I don’t see you leaving after 21 years and 6 children. You have let him slide on his responsibility for so long nothing is going to change. He is selfish, the calling you names and putting you down is showing you no kind of respect, do you want a child of yours to talk to a partner the way he does you? Your children see this if not corrected they may think this is normal and treat someone like this. I would in no way allow my children to chime in on the abuse he is giving you, and it is mental abuse. I would not be taking care of the bills, house, children and his disrespectful, ungrateful @@@. The only one that can make life better for you is you! That choice has to be yours. People can only walk on you if you allow it! Change is scary it’s hard. 21 years with someone is a long time. But the life you have now is it what you want? Are you strong enough for change? Have you talked to him said how you feel? Talked about counseling? Good luck in what ever your choices may be! God Bless.
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Time to make a new start b 4 your to old. Maybe if you can move out or tell him to leave he will miss you and realise how awful he’s been and that he misses you. If he don’t care then you know you have done the right thing. Good luck.xx
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You need to realize when it’s over and move on
You’re in a loveless relationship
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He’s cheating on you. Please believe me he’s cheating on you. Know dick in this world is worth it. There is to many out there to be with a asshole.
I don’t usually jump to saying leave him I usually suggest counseling and whatnot, but this is absolutely not as good as it gets and you should definitely leave him! None of what you shared is okay period!! Make a solid exit plan file for sole custody of your children and leave him! It’s not going too change after 21 years! And none of the stuff he’s doing and putting you through is even remotely acceptable. Please free yourself and go find your happiness, I promise you it’s definitely not with him!
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He is never changing and there is nothing you can do to make life better with him. You have given it your all, there is nothing more to do. Leave, start all over with your kids. You will meet new people, you deserve happiness and love and there is someone out there who can treat you with respect and love. DO NOT waste another 21years with that selfish being
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After 21 years… you won’t be married, you won’t own a house with this man, and you won’t find some random spark that isn’t there. What you can find is some confidence and backbone. If you want to stay for whatever reason, at the least, make changes, cook for you and your kids if he isn’t there let him get what he wants out of the fridge later, same with cleaning and tending to needs of a man who degrades you. Start a stash for if and when you do decide to leave. Start standing up for yourself, tell him not to speak to you that way and say it in front of your kids tell him so they know too that it’s not okay. He might do you the favor and take off. On your days off go out and take your kids places for the day, dont let his lack of involvement reflect on how you parent. Parks, lakes, museums, whatever is free or dirt cheap so you aren’t dipping into that stash. I hope you can make changes you need to be happy. 
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Acknowledge your self worth and the kids’ and leave.
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My personal opinion would be to first consult a lawyer regarding child support. Get all your ducks in a row before asking him to leave. You and your children shouldn’t be the ones uprooting your lives. You already are supporting yourself and your children so why should y’all be the ones leaving? He should be forced to pay child support and possibly other financial support for your children. He helped create your children…he should help take care of them. PERIOD. You deserve to be treated with love and respect too. Once you break free from him hopefully you will gain a new perspective on life. If you stay with him nothing is going to change and you and your children will be miserable. Pretty soon your children will start disrespecting you too. The cycle needs to stop!
Prayers to you and your children!
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you need to leave and start over for your kids!! you can do it already are!
Leave , start over and make u happy. Hes just keepin u around to watch kids an be a punching bag and his slave. No person should go through that. The money part is a form of control, my ex did that too. Honestly its scary but u can do it. Its just scary cause ur use to having him around. Im so glad i left mine or id still be in that same broken person getting mentally and physically abused. Kids shouldn’t be around people like him, if he feels that its okay to disrespect the mother of his children. So run and dont look back . Let him support the kids and a judge will make him help support the kids
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You’re pretty much living a life without him anyway so get him to pack his shit and hit the curb!
You could try to get him to therapy to deal with himself. If that don’t work I say cut the dead weight. He’s not contributing you aren’t loosing anything worth while
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What can you do? LEAVE. He doesn’t care especially if he calls you useless. And he doesn’t care if his money is “his money”. My bf supports me and our boys. I stay home and take care of them. I’d leave him it’s not worth it.
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Far from as good as it gets. You need to leave
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21 years? Not married, with no community property to speak of? Tell him you want to take a break. He needs to get his own place, with “his money.” He is the useless one. P.S. in some states you may be entitled to palomino. Definately child support. You can be unhappy on your own. I think that you will be relieved to be free of the put downs, and insults. Take back your dignity, and get a lawyer.
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You kind of accepted this for a long time and kept having kids now your hitting bottom I say stay init for those kids but you have to find somthing for you art sports stop at your own pub once in a while to talk adults for a while running maybe toget in shape and feel good As for him give him a cold shoulder hardly talk to him feed him fish sticks
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If your kids are absolutely everything to you? And you can’t leave him for yourself? Then leave him for your kids because 100% they’re suffering just as much as you to see their momma disrespected and so unloved like that.
It does get better❤️ on your own and then with the right one that won’t disrespect and will take care of you and yours❤️
Hugs
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What example do you want to set for your kids? If you have daughters, do you want them to think that it is acceptable for a man to treat them this way? If you have sons do you want them to treat women this way? Yes relationships aren’t easy but what you are going through is not even a relationship anymore. It’s abuse. Take your kids and leave. If you’re the one paying all the bills and taking care of the kids you can obviously do it all by yourself at this point he’s just a burden not a partner.
Leave. Start again. It’s never too late to be happy. You are only treated as you allow yourself to be treated. You sound really unhappy and emotionally abused and drained. You also sound strong . Call a solicitor. Good luck.
Sounds like he has narcissistic characteristics and possibly a drinking problem? Everything you said is a huge red flag. It will not get better. That is not as good as it gets. It gets so much better on your own. Don’t be scared, you can do it.
Question is do you deserve better yes you deserve a husband that adores you and the kids and helps provide he doesn’t do anything so why keep him around !??
Ptsd is a real thing and possibly his head is all messed up definitely needs some sort of therapy/counselling of sorts
Start snooping. Does he get bank statements? Stop paying for everything. Open another account at a different bank and tell him he contributes half. No matter what do not pay his half.
Save up and get out. He has you so emotionally abused you even think you need to do better.
No. He does.
You have value. You are in a dead end relationship.
Dump him.
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I could not stay in that environment! To hell with him ! Start thinking about you and kids. Feed you and kids before he gets there feed him what’s left over cold pick over who cares. Find you a boyfriend or new husband . Let him go to pub . Look for other things to do.
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Life, really is much better than this. Please step, don’t look back.
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Leave! Thats no way to live! Lifes to short not to live happy! Everyone deserves to be happy an live a good life! 21 years or not id leave!
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PTSD will be a factor but sounds like you’ve out grown each other. But after 21 years when it’s all you’ve known it’s hard to leave. Also because he wont leave the kids not going anywhere just both living a life neither of you want.
Sometimes as well if someones being horrible to you they are are trying to push you away maybe so you make the decision to leave and it’s not on him. Horrible as it sounds it happens.
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I’m not going to write out some long spiel to you, although I want to, I am just going to simply say this: IT DOES NOT GET BETTER. At least not with him. You could have an amazing, happy fulfilled life, but that is NEVER going to happen with him. I am sorry but, he has showed you who he is. Do you honestly think, in your heart, that he is just going to magically change? Do yourself and your children a favor and begin a new, happy life, as your own family.
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Make a life for urself… the longer u hang on hoping it will change the worse u will feel… u make a life … he is obviously a very selfish male… tell him u need more support… the wk he has two nights off… take one for urself . Even if its just driving somewhere to sit in ur car… but take it… make him get involved with the kids more… get urself a part time job for the mornings that he is home… then u will have a bit of ur own money… stop paying for his stuff… and do not take his abuse… tell him he is useless because he is… and when he steps up and does what he is supposed too thats when u “might” respect his opinion… until then, don’t. Try to ignore it… why would u take on board abuse from a bloke like that… u work ur butt off for ur family home and kids… he is just a lazy gd for nothing a hole…
… take ur life back
Do not stay where you are unwanted.
Kids are resilient, they’ll be okay with your separation, especially if it means they will get to experience the best version of you who isn’t weighed down by your unloving husband.
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Sending prayers for you to find your strength and courage
A good theripst to find out why you stay in this marriage and a great lawyer. Why are you staying?
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Sounds like he needs a taste of his own medicine.
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This is not an environment I’d stay in. Furthermore, I DEFINITELY won’t allow my kids watch this and think it’s all right. Sons can grow to believe they should treat women like this. Daughters grow to think this is ok to be treated like this. I left something similar for this same reason.
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If that is as good as it gets I would rather be alone. It sounds like he’ll would be a better option. I would take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself if this is how you want to be treated the rest of your life? It’s more like is this as bad as it gets. 
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Leave. Not ok. Abuser.
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Yes I would definitely take him to court for custody and child support. Nothing changes if nothing changes. He definitely is not going to change. This environment is not any good for you or the kids. You must be feeling depressed for all of these years where he has been financially and verbally abusive. It’s like being on a hamster wheel, the same thing day in and day out. As for the life he is living he needs to be a bachelor. Doesn’t sound like there is any family interaction or communication at all on his behalf. You need to get on with your and your children’s lives and give yourself and the kids the best shot at life. I mean from what you’re saying he doesn’t contribute to you or the kids in any way, shape or form. You would feel sooo much better if you were to take the kids and leave. You wouldn’t even know yourself. I mean you are doing everything as it is, you are it. Also being put down all the time makes you start to feel like the names he’s calling you. Please for your sake and your kids move on and make a better life for all of you. May God bless you all.
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I know it starts out great and when we feel like leaving else reflect on good time and stay,but what was is not what is a vicious cycle going to come of this where your sons will think it’s ok to treat women like he does and your daughters to accept such treatment as alright.you can’t pour from an empty cup sort yourself out he’s NEVER GOING TO CHANGE so I’m sure you know by now what to do best of luck my love
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File taxes solo and claim them all. If he literally provides nothing it is well within your legal right then you have money to start fresh. You can file early already.
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Leave!! You will feel miles better your already doing it on your own anyway!!
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21yrs is a bloody long time to give to someone and them treat you like that 
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Leave his ass and get child support. It’s better to be alone than deal with that nonsense. He’s getting all the husband benefits without being a husband and contributing to the family and treating you well. Don’t let your kids think this is ok.
Teach your kids that is not a way for a man to treat a woman
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Get rid and move forward with ur kids xx
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