I used to feel I was lucky to have what I did and that I couldn’t do better. If you start to feel like that, chances are they are really bad. If he’s not making you happy then why are you staying here? It sounds as if you’re a single parent anyway. Get one of the kids to mow the lawn. What value does he add then? I suspect it’s nothing.
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If you are already paying everything on your own and after so many years and no commitment (not speaking just marriage but stability or partnership) u could file for support and have more help than u do now. Sometimes men take advantage where we become complacent. It’s hard to feel like you are starting over but to not be belittled and the peace that comes from finally not allowing things to just happen but take control of your life is so worth it.
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Sounds like he is over you. You are beneficial to him as the housekeeper and nanny. You need to make moves to benefit and protect you.
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Why would you tolerate this or live like that. Kick him out
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He’s not a husband,he’s a roommate & not even good at that! I assume your kids are older & you work full time. You either need counseling (with him) or it’s divorce time. He needs to chip in & pay bills & help with housework. It’s not 1950 any more!
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If you can afford everything yourself kick him out. He sounds like a real POS
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Y’all seem like y’all are getting tired of playing house maybe even growing apart time to switch sumthn up he shouldn’t expect dinner plus you may have to Find time for your self u seemed overwhelmed an exhausted just communicate verbally an take action for change … xoxo
Make your self happy you an the kids u gotta Keep ya self Happy it all starts with self first don’t settle
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Omg that is just vile behaviour, you’re the mother of his children, it’s not easy raising a child let alone 6 of them. You and your children deserve do much more. Honestly I know it’s easier said than done but you and your children need to be away from him you guys will be so much happier. As soon as you leave him you will instantly feel so much better and happier and that will also reflect on your children. You don’t want them to think that it is ok to be treated like that as they grow up. I wish you all the luck x
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Get your kids to help with some chores.and tell him if he keeps putting you down there’s the door if he doesn’t like the way you are that’s his problem not yours .don’t be made to feel like a door mat
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I’ve been there and done that and it don’t get any better and the kids don’t need to be seeing and hearing all that negative stuff that he’s doing or saying to you so you need to leave him cuz it don’t get any better could get worse could get physical if it hasn’t already and the kids don’t need to be around all that stuff so just leave those places out there that can help people out there that can help just my opinion I just say leaving
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He’s just there for a roof over and his head and a meal in his belly by the sounds of it. You deserve more!!! After being together so long you shouldn’t be stuck in a rut and his stuff his and yours yours, that’s crazy! Xx
What you’re experiencing is domestic abuse. You and the kids deserve better than this life he wants to give you
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Umm leave. U deserve better than that.
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Child support good by free loader! It won’t get any better! You let him take advantage and walk all over you so nope!
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You are to young to be living this way! Quit complaining and kick him out!! He is using you as a housemaid not an equal!
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You aren’t married so just kick him out. He clearly doesn’t love you and is only living with you because you’re a free maid and nanny. He’s not your soulmate, why waste anymore time on someone that’ll never love you?
Emotional and financial abuse is real !! If I were in your position, I would start making a plan to bug out. With the kids of course. Do You have family that can help you with a plan to get out? You asked if this is as good as it gets? The answer is, as long as you stay with this man, yes this is as good as it gets. You do have options though and thank goodness you are not married because that makes it easier to bug out. This man is responsible for his children, whether he thinks so or not. If you have family friends you can trust, include them and have them help you get out and get back on your feet. Having 6 kids is hard on all levels so you’re going to need help. Once you get on your feet file child support on him and while that is going through the motions, file for SNAP and TEA benefits, The state will make him repay that money. TEA will help you with vocational training if you need it and will help you find work and with child care. If push comes to shove start packing and putting the things you want to keep in storage and start making a bug out bag for each of your kids… Feel free to DM me if you have questions. Once you have everything set up, hopefully family will let you go to them, but if this is not possible then I would take my kids and go to an abused women’s shelter. He may not be physically abusing you but he is abusing you. The Shelter will help you get on your feet and file the necessary paperwork to get you on the programs you qualify for. emotional and financial abuse is usually a gateway to physical abuse. I know this is a lot to take in and like I said feel free to DM me, and we can chat more privately. I have been in your shoes and I am grateful the POS killed himself before he killed me. I hope this helps and I look forward to hearing from you. I would really like to help.
Hey there lady! First of all, love yourself. He doesn’t have to say anything to you to make you feel bad about anything at all. Just don’t pay attention. He’s obviously a bully and the best way to deal with a bully is to ignore him. Do what you’re good at. Take care of yourself, your health, both the emotional side of you and your body. Please don’t give him the chance to hurt you… eventually, you’ll either grow strong enough to leave, or he might just decide to use better words for you… in any case, be smart. Smile and let it pass… some people are idiots and that’s not your fault…
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Are you crazy leave him you are showing a bad example for your kids. Also get on birth control
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Either you need to do couples counseling or end the relationship and co-parent. It sounds like neither of you are very happy. It’s hard after a long time, I’ve been with mine 12 years. But you both have to commit to doing what you need to to make it work or go your seperate ways, one person trying won’t do it both of you have to try and it sounds like he’s not trying at all. There are plenty of happy healthy relationships but they didn’t just happen, it takes a lot of effort.
Throw the whole damn man away. The one you have is garbage because NOBODY deserves a marriage or relationship like that. Look at it this way… If it was your children in a marriage or relationship like the one your in what would you tell them to do? Remember your example is what they will eventually base their views of relationships off of.
Love yourself. Find your happiness. You don’t need him. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. Live your life because it is truly too short to be living it that way. You and your kiddos deserve so much better. You’re already doing it on your own. You just have an added stressor sucking the life out of you. You can do it by yourself and be so much happier. 
I would say it’s time to leave.
When I first started reading I was prepared to say that maybe he’s clinically depressed Or point out things that could serve as a conflict resolution.
But after reading? I think the best thing you could do for yourself and your children is to leave the relationship.
If he has access to your finances it’s time to change that.
Consult with a lawyer (consultations are often free).
Start squirreling money back when and where you can.
If you have friends or family reach out to them. If you’ve been keeping how bad things are from them…it’s time to be honest with them. That way you know where they stand on things. Who will be willing to help if you need it and who may side with him just in case…so you know who not to disclose things to.
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Leave or put him out. He’s emotionally abusive and he’s warping his children to be as ugly as he is. Your allowing it. If you aren’t willing to leave then at least stand up for yourself to him and in front of your children. The next time he insults you throw it back at him and tell him that you’re better at it than he is and he needs to stop projecting his own shortfalls on you.
If you’re not willing to do any of this then you continue to live the miserable life you’re living and watch your children grow up to have issues from the toxic environment they grew up in.
I understand this is a difficult decision but it’s one you have to make.
If you start standing up and speaking out for yourself he might start treating you better or leave on his own. Either one would be an improvement in your life
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A couple is what yours is mine and mine is yours. It is ours. Our kids our house our bills our money and our fun. You may each have your own hobbies or friends but when it comes down to it in a committed relationship everything is shared. You are his housekeeper and maid. He’s showed you your feelings matter very little. I’d say move on get support payments and find a partner. Good luck
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I think its time for u to open those wings and fly…
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Talk to a real good atterney. Leave him. If the kids go against you leave them with him. They will be begging you back. It’s time for you to lay down some ground rules.
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Like the hundreds of previous comments, start making a plan to separate. This is definitely NOT as good as it gets. Talk to a lawyer quietly and file for custody and support. Financial and emotional abuse are both very real. He’s had 2 decades to want to be better for himself, and for a healthy relationship with you, but doesn’t care to.
Your children deserve to see their mom content and happier.
-What would you tell your daughter that had a SO that treated her similar to this?
-Do you want your sons to become men that abuse their spouses like this?
This is your life too, and you’re just a few decisions away from a completely different, hopefully happier, life. Best of luck. 
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Why is it that the woman is always told to leave. This woman has 6 kids. She pays all the bills etc. Kick his ass to the curb. Pack his crap and sit it out in front of the house. Change the locks. What good is he. Apply for all the government programs you qualify for. If you already pay all the bills then you should be fine. Good luck.
Hes a parasite, sucking the life out of you n anything else he can get hes selfish n immature if he has ptsd its his responsibility to recover not yours to change in the hope that things/he will improve. Things wont get better till he recovers and sees what hes done yrs later n he dun nothing 2 recover he can blame u the house kids weather or others but hes the 1 who needs to make changes. Id leave n focus on me n the kids while he gets help for his ptsd and domestic abuse issues its coz he bin putn sticking plasters over his issues for yrs that its got this bad. Start again. It will only get worser n as long as youre around your enabling him to abuse you n be like this towards you. He sees you as a doormat n that he can do anything he wants to you, this aint love (no matter how long u been together.) Hes already grooming the kids to be like himself that is soo toxic, so now its no longa between you two, hes tryn to turn the kids against you too. Thats sick!. I reckon hes tryn to make you leave so he can have house n kids then he will move another woman in to take your place. Get your kids outa that toxic environment not sayn itll be easy but the lessons it teaches you n your kids n the peace n sanity youll gain will be worth it. Trust n believe in yourself. You can do it.
Why are you still there? Why are you letting your children think that is the right way to treat you?
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Leaving would be a perfect start!
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Not easy to leave with 6 kids!! I would show him this message you posted. He too may be going through his own dilemmas. What he’s doing isn’t right but he probably needs help as well. All the financial pressure is on him. And you have the kids and household pressure. It’s not easy for either of you. If there’s any love left try work it out. Together in good times and bad. This is life. You have 6 kids. That alone is hard. Sit down with him and talk. Try make time as a couple. The week he has 2 days off try make one of those days as a date night. Don’t give up yet. It takes work. It’s not always going to be roses and rainbows.
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You have allowed this behavior. You already know what you need to do. There is no such thing as “staying together for the kids”. That’s not healthy for anyone, especially the kids. You need to teach them that it’s not ok to take emotional abuse. He will now have a new thing to spend his money on; child support.
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He is verbally, emotionally and financially abusive. This is domestic violence. You document. You work on getting a job. (If you don’t have one) And you speak to social services or a DV shelter about things like wic, food stamps, etc. You file for child support. And you find an apartment, and leave. A DV shelter will help you with everything.
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Leave his ass as fast as you can your already paying all the bills there is someone out there who will love you and your kids best wishes
Start researching narcissist abuse. Sounds to me that’s what’s going on. My advice would be to work on a plan to leave him. The sooner the better. Don’t let him know tho. I’ve been in a situation similar to yours. They love to use other people as a extension of their abuse, it’s hurtful to the children. Don’t let it continue and be thankful you didn’t marry
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Find a good support system, work on your confidence & build up your self esteem then when your strong enough ‘put that foot down, hit that man with an ultimatum’ then if he doesn’t care LEAVE for not just yourself but your kids too
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Tell him to get on board or make plans for yourself and your children
You’ve been together 21 years and he’s always treated you this way? Then yes, this is as good as it gets. Why on earth you chose to bring 6 kids into this mess is beyond me. It should have been obvious with the first two. Make a life for yourself now, while you still can. Oh, and that B.S. about he would never “leave his kids” like other dads do? He has you spending your money on HIS kids while he goes down to the pub with his mates? That’s messed up. He’s not “there” for his kids. He just likes having them for show and having a live-in maid.
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Ummm, u let him do all this from the beginning!! Why now ? What has always been. Accept the life you chose 20 yrs ago or leave. And I stopped after first paragraph
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This life you live, you live it because you allow it.
If you want things to change, speak up. If things don’t change, move on.
The amount of time that you have invested with someone and the number of children you have with someone are not a reason to stay and continue to be unhappy. You have given him 21 years and 6 children. Doesn’t sound like he has given you much in return. After 21 years with him and not being where you want to be in life, you could leave him tomorrow, meet someone next week and be happily married, owning your own home, with someone who values all you bring to the table by next year.
YOU are the ONLY one who can decide what to do with your life. YOU are the one who lives with the consequences and outcomes of the decisions that YOU make. You have no one to blame for your unhappiness but yourself.
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I have learnt that life is to short to be miserable. I wasted 10 yrs of my life being miserable with someone. I’m a single parent now and struggle, but I’m a whole lot happier.
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The only thing you can do is make your own financial situation better. That will give you more options to take action
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Would couples counseling be something you may get him to go to? Express your pain. If he can’t even empathize with you a little I think it would be time to look into separating, but first establish a job. What he’s doing is financial abuse and mental abuse. Look into a domestic abuse advocate. They may help set you up with resources. But I do want to know if he’s truly doing this on purpose or if he’s just comfortable that he knows he can be a douche. But if he doesn’t want to change and realize that it also takes him to make a healthy relationship then it would be time to move on. I’m single with 6 kids. I make it work. I also have no extra help from relatives or friends. It is what it is.
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It isn’t going to change after that long, live your life for yourself and your kids. They will grow up thinking this is how a relationship should be? Im so glad I left my relationship with my kids that sounded similar.
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First of all i have ptsd and that is no excuse to treat someone this way. Hes a grown ass man and is 100000% responsible for his actions his words and his mess ups. With that being said you mentioned hes only acting on being part of the family however to me it sounds like hes not acting or part of the family. Since you pay for everything take the kids and go. Clearly financially you can do it and you may even save some money by having one less mouth to feed. I dont know how old your kiddos are but if you leave think about getting child support. The my money is mine and your money is ours is such a red flag. Talk to an attorney and maybe see how your credit is. Buy some land and a house. Sounds like emotionally youve been checked out for some time. Good luck
Why doesn’t he help support you & your children???
That is crazy, too boot he works!!!
“What should I do to change things for the better?”
Leave👏him👏
You’re already doing it all yourself. I honestly don’t know how or why you put up with this for so long.
Idk if you have a daughter or not but if you did, what would you tell her to do in the situation?
Say your best friend is in the situation asking for advice,what advice would you give?
You’d tell them to leave,wouldn’t you?
Now is your time! You can do this. There is way more to life than what you’re living right now.
You said you pay all the bills anyway right? Kick his butt out.
Thank God you guys aren’t married.
If he’s not contributing any money then it’s just like having another kid in the house you’re supporting
You get what you settle for. It does get better than this, but clearly not with him. If he’s not open to change or couple’s counseling I’d pack your shit and leave. You only live one life, and that life’s too short to be unhappy.
Wow…HE IS THE USELESS 1.
I would have longgggg ago had him sliced up.
No man eva mouths off at me.
Leave him.
Seek housing or have him removed.
Fix yourself up and curl your hair and have a girls night out.
You deserve it.
You are very important and beautiful.
Leave his ass aloneee…and do YOU & YO KIDS.
I didn’t even finish reading it. Leave him and build the life you want! You only live once and you are literally wasting your life. You are teaching your children that this is normal and it is not. Just because he’s a man doesn’t mean he gets to be a shitty parent or partner. You deserve to be happy and love properly! Your kids deserve to see you happy and they deserve a loving father! Get out for you and them. You do not want to wake up in 20 years and wish you had left. It’s not easy but love is not enough and it doesn’t sound like love at all.
Get out before he breaks you down even more.
He said he would never leave his kids??? Why would he?? If he leaves or IF You Leave, he has to PAY YOU CHILD SUPPORT!!! Duh! It has nothing to do with love or devotion! He’s got you and has kept you right where he wants you, he gets to be in control and do whatever he wants, keeping you feeling like a piece of crap! He’s got his cake and eating it too! You need to get you a BACKBONE and leave his selfish butt! Go see your local county attorney, get in touch with churches or shelters or anyone else who may have help or a support system for you and those children, you all deserve a Happy life!! I’m going to pray that you leave asap, you have given enough of your life to this jerk. 
You need to move on. You’ve wasted too many years with this guy.
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So why do you continue to be with him?
You clearly don’t need him to survive, you’ve already stated you pay all the bills.
He gives you 0$
Only you can decide,no matter how many of us tell you to leave +get your own place,you won’t unless you’re ready to better your life+stop being a doormat+maid+cook+ a lay when he’s horny.
He sounds like a narcissist.
6 kids? Think of the child support he would have to pay! Unless they are too old.
You’re q single parent already basically so why support a grown adult. Id put him out and move on with my life.
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You guys are in serious need of couples therapy thats if you wanna make it work yall need couples therapy and he definitely needs individual therapy you also need to stick up for yourself and put your foot down if you have someone you can stay with I would recommend you and the kids go stay there for a while or kick him out temporarily while yall work on yall also I recommend setting aside time for some date nights regularly its important to yalls relationship again only if you wanna work on staying together but if not then get away from him as far as you can they have womens shelters for a reason and file for government assistance they will also help you find a place with an affordable price and put him on child support he has to pay or he goes to jail and get yourself a job
Since you are the total support system in your family I say take your children and leave. You can do it on your own since you have been all along. May be he’ll come to his senses. Praying for you and your children
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Tell him to smarten up or GTFO . The amount of child support he will have to pay will probably pay the rent for you and your kids and you won’t have to listen to his verbal and mental abuse any longer !! You deserve better mama !!
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Child support and cut him off 
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It’s as “good”as you have allowed it to get. Talk to him about the situation and get counseling. If he refuses, ask him to continue his life as a bachelor in a different venue. He is a terrible role model for your children. And you have to set an example for your offspring. Saying that you have been “together”for 21 years is a gross inaccuracy. I don’t wish to sound harsh or critical, but, at this point, you need a wake up call. Please extricate yourself and your children from this unfortunate situation. And if he won’t get counseling, get some for yourself and your children.
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21 years and stayed with that with no ring on ur finger…screw that…Also do u work also outside the home …??if not I would advise you to find employment ASAP …ladies never rely solely on a man …
I lived that life for 12 years… control freak…I left him in the dust…and never went back…your better then this…get out…
Your doing fine. He is a bum.
He has already trained you to do it all by yourself and your doing an awesome job. LEAVE HIM!!!
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Seems like u already single parenting… But just doing extra chores and tasks for an unappreciative human who is ripping u off your self esteem and self worth
If he loved u he would never let u get to this point of been so broken. He would take an interest an invest in his family in every possible way if he valued u all.
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You don’t need too change anything sweetheart he’s the one who needs too change.
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Move out and make him pay child support for 6 kids.let him finally feel what a family responsibility means.and ptsd bull shit there is help for that
Leave take the kids and move he will break you that’s not love.its called abuse.Good luck
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Yes, this is as good as it gets.
But… it can get better if you make better choices.
Fucken leave him already!! You gave birth to 6 babies not 7. Stop paying bills and MAKE him pay the way if not time to go your separate ways stop being the door mat and get him with child support. Good luck mom stand up for yourself.
Find another place for you and your children. File for child support and let him deal with him.
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Start focusing on making YOU and your kids happy. Do what it takes and fuck him. You deserve better and so do your kiddos. Goodluck
Ps… it’s going to be scarey and you will want to give up at times but you got this. Think positive and about how happy the future will be without someone like that in your life.
Get up and leave with your kids x
I would lose him it sounds like your doing it all by yourself now. Make time for you make you happy 
. And get child support it’s the childrens right.
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Leave and take ur kids get out he is a self center jerk .
Right from the get go if he wasn’t sharing in the bills then out you go!! It takes two. Like everyone has said your doing it all, so tell him to get out & get a restraining order! Hope you find a real man one day & he treats you like a queen!
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Kick him the hell out. He’s not helping you whatsoever! You’re already a single mom. You don’t deserve to be treated like shit!
Bye boy. Kick him out, file for child support and move on
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Know your worth .get your kids and get the hell outta there You deserve better
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You’re already doing it alone…
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Why are you still there? I’d been gone a LONG time ago. F*ck that mental abuse & lazy a$$. He ain’t even a good lay. Your basically doing it all yourself anyway so GET OUT and find yourself then a new, better man
This isn’t true love if he loved you it’s not what they say but what they do. He has complete control over you coz you let him. You need to leave him nothing will change sounds like your miserable. Life is too short to live your life get out now. Do you have family that can help you? I wish you the best God bless you and your kids.
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Get rid of him. This IS NOT as good as it gets. It IS NOT as bad as it gets. It will get worse. Move on and live your best life. You deserve it
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Leave him you are already doing it alone anyway. Drop the dead weight
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Time to contact a lawyer and send him packing
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2 options only. Either put up with it or don’t.
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Kick him out and change the locks. You deserve better!
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You deserve better. It’s not too late. Verbal abuse usually turns to physical. They are learning this is normal. Leave now and teach them otherwise. You are not alone. God is with you and will give you the courage you need. Just ask him. God bless.
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He needs to leave. Kick him out, if you’re paying for everything alone anyways, why keep him around? Tell him you want him to leave or pack up and leave with kids and get your own place. Please don’t let your kids grow up thinking this is normal behavior!!
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I am sure his behavior didn’t just begin. You should have worked out the emotional feelings and financial problems before having 6 kids. You feel trapped and that is horrible for your children. He needs to financially support his children and pay the household bills. You have a major decision to make. Good luck
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Tell him how you feel an don’t put up with the crap
If you’re doing it all anyway leave him, take the kids with you, and let him pay child support so that you at least have money to help with the kids needs.
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Tell him it’s his turn, and your money is your money… He gets to pay now
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What you can do to make things better … Take the kids and leave him
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