- If his money is his, then your is yours.
- Don’t buy him anything that’s NOT household meals ( no snacks, no beer, etc )
- Don’t clean up after him.
- If you KNOW he’ll be home, leave the house. Go to the library or anywhere.
- Have you had a heart to heart talk ???
I was in a similar situation and was married almost two decades. It does get better, when you actually make it about your happiness. Even if he is willing to change (so he says) when you are finally “serious about ending it”… He isn’t, he just can’t imagine having to do everything for himself. I have 4 kids with him. So divorced in 2019. I also put him on child support ( even though he pays when he feels like it, it’s more than before). I moved out of the family house to an apartment until I got house back in divorce then moved back. I have been so much happier and am finally living for ME. Mental and emotional abuse is REAL and wanting to have your family together and not “broken” is not the way to be. Getting out will hurt and it will take some getting used to, but you sound like I was when I was finally ready to leave and I’M LIVING MY BEST LIFE NOW. 
3 Likes
Kick his ass to the curb
He said he won’t leave the kids?? Tell him fine & just pack ur shit and theirs & walk out the door! He doesn’t have to leave the kids, he can still provide for them- but nothing says u gotta stay there
Leave him. That’s how you change it. He’s selfish and terrible for you and your children.
You’re already doing everything alone , you’re not legally married, you’re renting therefore according to my opinion it won’t be difficult to end whatever relationship you have with him, I guess you still love him for tolerating the mistreatment and he’s taking that for granted. What you need is some me love without him because you’re practically on your own .you deserve better but that’s upto you to make that decision of staying or leaving. 
It is time to start over and move on. Nobody should continue to live like this. It will not be easy due to routine and such but will be a better life in the long run. lots of support you just need to assert yourself and move on.