definitely not cheating but sounds like you’d be better off on your own. A household with a couple in it should have BOTH parties participating on house chores.
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“off and on with your children and marriage the last 6 years”
Sorry 6 years is a long time to deal with BS like that. Stop letting him come back.
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- Watching porn/masturbating is not cheating
- You should have ironed out expectations/division of labor before he moved back in
- Y’all need therapy
He has sexual needs that you’re not fulfilling. What is he supposed to do? Of course he assumed you were back in the bedroom when he moved back in for you to live as man and wife, unless you told him beforehand it wasn’t. I don’t think masturbation is cheating because he feels doing himself is better than going without. Porn, I don’t necessarily think it’s cheating but not what I would want my husband to do. He’s telling you his needs and you should tell him how you feel about him not helping out. Always be honest no matter what. If you’re not having sex with him he will eventually step out of the marriage, you’ve seen this before. You both chose to start anew so you both need to do your part in all departments. Talk to him 
Watching porn and masturbating isn’t cheating but everything else in your story sounds like you two shouldn’t be together
You need to either forgive or let go of the relationship. Masturbation is not cheating.
It’s natural an if you aren’t going to add that back into the relationship… then what else should he do??
Helping out around the house should be automatic. Seek counseling - individual and marriage. On and off again for 6 years… that is unhealthy for your kids and yourselves.
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Imma stop u right there. The past is the past. If u want a real future with this man u need to understand. The time to grieve is over and it’s now time to move forward. If you can’t then let that man go. If u don’t want him to masterbate… then make love to him! It’s literally so simple.
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100%
Sexual pleasures and pull starts in our mind, right?
enuf said …
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Ur literally using him for money then.
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Why would you allow him to come back ?
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It’s not of God…. I’ll say that much. It’s cheating on God, and that’s the worst person we can cheat on.
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Point blank you cannot fix a relationship if you’re holding onto the past and withholding intimacy under the guise of grief. Masterbation is not cheating just because it hurts your feelings. It sounds like you just wanted someone to pay your bills so you didn’t have to work or do it on your own while also expecting them to do housework and help with the kids. You are grossly putting more responsibility on him than yourself and using your special needs son, which then changes to 2 special need kids, as an excuse for not doing this or that. That’s really sad in itself. You also make it a point to mention getting the kids to bed for school. So it’s not like you have all 3 24/7 with no breaks or help. You’re not going to fix anything if you expect him to do everything while you give him NOTHING in return.
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Oof. Never would’ve walked back into that.
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Get rid of him!!! There are REAL MEN TOO LOVE YOU AND YOUR SPECIAL NEEDS CHILDREN!! DO NOT LET ANYONE MAKE YOU FEEL YOU HAVE TO HAVE THEM!! KICK HIM OUT!!!
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Get rid of the boy for good.
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If you are going to keep withholding sex than he’s gonna cheat eventually so the choice is urs really ! 
Not sure where to start. Are these for real questions??? No, Masturbating is definitely not cheating. Especially when you are not giving him any. What do you expect him to do? My husband and I have sex all the time and I will still masturbate in the shower here and there. It’s no big deal. As I’m sure he masturbates too. It’s a private thing leave it alone. Believe it or not in a relationship you still are your own person and Can please yourself if you choose to. It sounds like you are pretty much using him for money. This doesn’t sound like a relationship… How are you showing him that you appreciate him? You expect him to work and provide for your family and also to do stuff around the house and also not get any sex? Honestly I feel bad for the dude. I get that he cheated on you before but you chose to take him back. So the past doesn’t matter anymore… If you are still grieving the hurt he caused you in your previous relationship then you should not have taken him back. Did u guys sort out his reasoning for cheating and find out why he did it? Did u constantly withhold sex from him? Not saying that makes cheating OK But it’s good to know the reasons and then have both of you work on them. If my husband wasn’t having with sex with me for a long period of time I wouldn’t want to stay in my relationship. I would not cheat on him but I could see how some people would be tempted To cheat In that situation. Maybe you guys should try couple’s counseling if you really want this to work. Otherwise this just sounds like an unhealthy relationship on both sides. Also if he hasn’t been there for your kids and he was cheating on you thenwhy would you think that giving him another chance would be a good idea?
If you don’t plan on having sex with your husband, what would you expect him to do? Yes, you are withholding intimacy from him. You said this is his third week back home. That’s almost a month. If all of the kids are in school that means you don’t have them at all times, so why are you a SAHM? You want this man to work his ass off, come home and help you out with what YOU have to do, and then not even not even try to actually work things out? He doesn’t sound like the problem here tbh. You sound really lazy.
Did you both not discuss expectations prior to him moving back into the home? Is he moving in as a husband /SO or as a provider so you can stay home ?
For the sake of the children, as well as, your relationship all of this should have been discussed prior to him moving back in. In my opinion, by allowing him to return home, you chose to left the past go and move forward. You should not withhold sex because of the past. If you wish to not have sex, then have the adult conversation with him. As far as masturbating and watching lien, only you can decide if that is cheating, does not matter what anyone on hear things. Some may find it acceptable, while others do not.
You both need to sit down and have a long, possible hard, conversation about expectations (including household duties, caring for children, romantic involvement or lack of, term of the relationship, etc), in order to prevent resentment and hurt feelings.
3 weeks is a long time for a man to go without sex.
Masturbation itself isnt cheating…with whom would they be cheating? Themselves?
If youre a SAHM you are 2 halves of a whole. Yes you should help EACH OTHER buuut he makes the money, you get the kids and house. Sucks for us sometimes cause mommin is 24/7 but its only fair. You want him to help you around the house why dont you help him financially?
Just leave this dude, 3 weeks isnt grief its sexual withholding and is considered abuse on your part. Sex isnt a weapon. You may need to have a lot more of it if youre this high strung. Why stay w someone that cheated anyway…unless you really do consider jackin off cheating then that explains a lot.
Is it that you like to complain? You knew what he was, looks like he is worse and you just sit and complain! Do yourself a favor and kick the bum out!
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this whole situation is a very toxic. AS for him masturbating, get over it,
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Why are you with him?
He is not worth the trouble period go find your happiness
If masturbation is cheating I’ve cheated on my husband 163947382828 times in the last 6 years 
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yes this is cheating!! if it crosses your boundaries and what you’re comfortable with then yes it is. you need to better communicate to your husband how his actions and behaviors truly are affecting you! while masturbating isn’t cheating , using porn and other images of women is cheating because it is objectifying another woman and looking at her in a sexual way. i would either have a sit down discussion on what you can do to get y’all closer together so he doesn’t need to rely on that, if it happens again after you tell him how you feel then BE GONE! cheating should never be tolerated even if it’s not extreme
Kick him out. Sounds like a bum. As for the masterbation some ppl consider porn cheating and others don’t.
You withhold sex and require for him to help around the house. Your a SAHM. So your kids go to school. You need to do your housework and if the guy masturbates then leave him alone because no man goes without sex. You expect someone to pay your bills that’s all.
Sounds like you are very unhappy. What is it that you really want out of this marriage? A husband/ father or a checkbook? Many men do not help with chores and children. Its not uncommon. Hire some help and babysitters so you can have time for yourself or a date night. If he has been unfaithful many times before chances are he will continue the behavior. Lots to think about the choice is yours to make here
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Maturation isn’t cheating. You might not like it but he is touching HIMSELF. Not another person. Throw that thought out of your head. Whatever you got going on in your house doesn’t seem healthy. You can’t have him come back if you are not over what he did. You can’t hold on to the past with someone and try to make a future with that same person.
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You’re still together, but your relationship is in critical condition. You need some professional help, not advice from the internet. Too many issues here for any simple answer to be accurate.
Before you look at him, take a careful look at yourself. This is really hard to do, I know. But if you are wanting a loving, devoted, intimate spouse…you first need to ask if you are one. Period. The starting point isn’t the other person, it is you. If you are a loving, devoted, and intimate spouse who provides for him sexually…then there is a cause to say he may be engaging in behavior that is cheating. But look at it this way, if a random guy, not your husband, does not have a loving, devoted, intimate spouse—single guy with no partner, let’s say—would you say he was cheating if looking at adult videos and masturbating? If yes, why? If no, why? Why would you care?
Now, I can’t judge the loving or devoted part, but your post implies there is a gap in intimacy that you have caused. So I think it’s safe to say he doesn’t have the “full enchilada” of a spouse right now. Not saying you don’t have the right to withhold and/or a need to grieve. Absolutely you do. But there is a cause under your control, and you are seeing the effect.
Again, I am absolutely positive there is more to the story than that. You guys need professional help. But taking a look at yourself going into that help, and understanding at least some cause/effects in your relationship, will be advantageous when you get that help.
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You got to be joking …lol you seem very pleasant lol
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Not if he keeps one eye closed and. Use. Opposite hand 
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Porn is an addiction. There’s help for it. There’s even a porn group on fb so you you can join and read testimonies or ask for advice.
Let him masturbate… If he isn’t having sex then he needs some form of release. Do you honestly consider it cheating in regards to him touching himself? You do not control is penis. 
Besides. A man should not even want to think about masturbating if he is with the woman who he cares about and she takes care of him
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LISTEN…With special needs children we understand you do need help with them being a single parent. .as for your former husband moving back in and under the impression he was going to help but not helping in the ways You needed. . with your situation, it isn’t for porn … your ex/former husband has Adapted to watching porn over and over… this Will not change… it’s time to make a stand and do it by yourself… there are other options than relying on a man that doesn’t want to put his women in his life totally … but you can do this… you’re a strong woman,…staying in a marriage like that it’s not worth it. It s a two way street, staying will only cause your heartbreak…it’s a long road.
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Either call it quits, or get some marriage counseling.
You cannot expect him to just do nothing. Everyone has needs. There’s nothing wrong with masterbation and it’s really none of your business or your decision what he does with his own body. It sounds like he’s really trying to make it work this time but you’re too caught up on the past. You should never have taken him back if you weren’t willing to forgive the past and move forward.
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I don’t think masturbating is cheating…but I feel that looking at naked women is…ESPECIALLY if it bothers you…and that’s what matters. My ex husband was a porn/sex addict and it got so bad that he ended up getting aids from doing some pretty sick stuff. Yes, I’d confront him…but from what you’re saying I don’t think it’s going to make him stop. He sounds selfish and clearly doesn’t respect you…this kind of stuff doesn’t get better unless y’all (he) gets serious help. Just my opinion. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Grow up woman and be a wife nothing is perfect but you have to give to receive you shouldn’t have taking him back if you have all these complaints a man will never come back if he doesn’t care so help him and he will help you
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Who cares if he jerks off.What I am hearing he doesn’t help.Hr is not going to help.Get out
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Well at least he isn’t cheating this time. 
He’s following your lead of when you’re ready but he’s a man. Men are sexual creatures so he’s just taking care of himself. The bigger issue is him not helping around the house or with the kids. That is what should be really bothering you.
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Honestly if you weren’t ready you shouldn’t have taken him back. Everyone ahs the right to say no but people also have needs. Now with the helping that’s different. His job dont end when he leaves work. He’s still a parent.
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If it didn’t work the first time, it’s not gonna work the third time and so on. Time to leave and stay gone. Stop trying to fix something that’s already broken
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Lmao. Porn is porn. He’s not going out and cheating. He’s just watching another girl. I’d rather my man sit there and masterbate until I’m ready to be sexually active instead of going out and actually cheating on me. Porn is harmless. Those are actors that aren’t really there for the enjoyment more less the money.
As for help around the house and kids, yes he should be helping to an extent. My husband is a fulltime worker. I’m a sahm. I don’t expect him to do much. Maybe wash laundry when he needs clothes which is rare cause I keep up with it. But he helps when he wants too, which is more often then not but on days where his work just exhausted him to the point he just wants to sit back, relax. I pick up the extra slack. My kids are homeschooled as well, one with adhd other with a learning disability. It can be hard. But it will pass. And I’m sure as soon as you decide you’re ready to be sexually active with him again(at your own pace, don’t rush it cause you feel like he’ll leave ect.) Then I’m sure the porn will stop and he may be more helpful around the house(I don’t know much of a backstory.)
sounds like a councilors job.
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Isn’t with holding sex like a punishment of some sort…don’t sound like your willing to move past things…and the man has needs… it’s you… Rosie palm or someone else…that’s just typical with any man…if they ain’t getting what they meet at home they will go else where. And yes I agree he should be helping with the house and the kids. He us a parent…so thats a given
He is a sick sick animal get rid of him now
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She will be pregnant again
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Everyone must decide what they’re comfortable with. There’s no one answer. You might ask him if he’d be comfortable with his own daughters doing this work. Porn is very abstract to most men. They don’t realize they’re looking at someone’s daughter, who might or might not be doing this voluntarily.
That said, one can masturbate without porn.
But I think the heart of this is the power dynamic between you two. He wants to write all of the rules. You want more of a partnership. This will always be a point of contention. You two need to work with a couple’s counselor on this.
I’ll add that divorce rates for parents of special needs children are MUCH higher than for parents of neurotypical children. There are far more stressors, appointments to juggle, dynamics among the children to negotiate, etc. These are also things to discuss in couple’s counseling.
The worst thing would be for your kids to see their dad come and go. This is not what you want them to learn about a man’s role in a relationship. You two need to either decide to work on fixing it or decide to split. On and off is confusing and unsettling to kids at that age. They need consistency to feel safe.
The masterbating isn’t the issue. If he wants to masterbate then why not . I’d be telling him to say hello to his hand and goodbye to you for good. He says you’re ‘withholding sex’ , he goes off to watch porn whilst you have to deal with the children, he doesn’t help out with chores or the children and on top of that he’s cheated in the past. This is a very one sided relationship . What are you getting out of it?. It seems to be all about him. If it was me I’d be walking away from this relationship but only you can make that decision. Plus yes the children may appear happy because Daddys back but as they get older they’ll see the cracks and won’t be happy that you are unhappy in this relationship.
Whacking off is fine.
Whats NOT fine is him being in a room for porn instead of helping with his kids.
Cant he wait til theyre in bed? You know…when its ACTUALLY his time?
I call deadbeat if porn and a cheap getoff matters more than time with your kids.
However…i dont consider it cheating
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Watching porn and masterbating is not cheating being physically sexually active with someone other then your spouse/partner is cheating. A lot of men watch porn. Would you rather him go out and physically cheat or masturbate at home where you know he is not out sleeping with someone else? Men have needs just as women do so. I understand the home situation he should definitely be helping out with cleaning and taking care of his children. He lives in the house too and he helped bring those children into this world. I would tell him he needs to start helping out around the house or he needs to move out. No matter what you do I think you need to sit down and have a talk with him about your feelings and what needs to be done around the house.
Masterbation is not cheating for gods sake. He’s a man, let him whack it if you aren’t into giving it up. I can see why you probably broke up to begin with.
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I would throw him out and move on.
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Young one, you deserve better. Your children deserve better. If he’s cheated already he will do it again. Your children look to you for guidance- this man does not respect you, truly love you, and doesn’t need to be in your life. The foundation for a good relationship is trust, accountability, responsibility and and loyalty- this is made stronger through communication. You don’t trust him, he out in the other room doing “his thing” , he isn’t helping you with both of “your” kids and he’s already cheated on you. Get rid of him now why you are still okay - because he sounds like the type you’d have to take to court for child support because “his feelings got hurt” 
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The porn and masturbation isn’t the problem. Literally everything else is.
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If he can’t get it from you, men have a tendency to do others things-- so what–they aren’t dating other women and they are coming home to you and the children. My husband quit having sex and I did my thing. I never felt that was cheating–however you young folks think anything is cheating.
Watching porn and masturbating is not cheating. Seems pretty selfish that you think he should not be able to pleasure himself just because you don’t want to do it for him…
Hes selfish and how can he expect you to satisfy his needs when he can’t even help you with daily chores and kids?? I’m so sick and tired of these selfish men jerking off to porn while they ignore their wife and whine about it. 
It sounds like he’s trying to masturbate instead of look for his physical needs to be met outside the marriage which you said has been a problem in the past. You can take that as a step in the right direction and acknowledge that it is progress for him. That doesn’t mean it’s progress for you emotionally. You have to choose forgiveness if you’re going to try to move passed cheating in a relationship. It is a choice to build a new slate together if you’re going to stay together. That’s going to include conversations about each other’s needs and how what he feels led to him looking outside your marriage. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with his view but you want to validate both your feelings if you’re going to build a new relationship with trust. Maybe porn is cheating for you but maybe he doesn’t view it that way.
Pack his stuff and put in on the front lawn
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Seems to me like you should have made sure you we’re over the BS that happened in your relationship before that caused the split to begin with. The fact that you’re not over it means you probably should have never let him back in helping with the children is one thing being in a relationship with him simply because of the children is a totally different thing it’s not healthy not for you or your children to be in an environment that makes you feel the way you do you’re entitled to your feelings and no one has a right to take that away from you you should have never let him back into the house. And if this is supposed to be your new beginning as a couple then what happened in the past should not be brought into the present. If u weren’t over his past indiscretions and the things he did to hurt you before in your relationship then you shouldn’t have let him back in the house and started the relationship anew expecting different results. Most people men and women are creatures of habit so if he wasn’t showing you real solid change before and you weren’t real solid on being over the past that happened between the two of you you should have never tried to start the relationship over again imo.
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This man is not mature or selfless enough to be married or a responsible father. You have added another child to your household, who will cheat and bring diseases to you and the children. He will let your kids find porn and get them hooked too. He will go out and get diseases and give them to you, and then the risk of spreading those diseases to the kids is high. Why did you marry him and have kids with him in the first place? I would recommend separation and you live with family for the assistance you need with your special needs son. And the immature dad needs to pay child support. It’s not worth risking disease and porn exposure and possible abuse from him to your kids.
If you don’t want to have sex with him, then why do you care if he masturbates???
Now if he was choosing masturbation over sex with you then that would be cause for concern
Maybe you shouldn’t have gotten back with him if you weren’t going to satisfy his needs and then to make a big deal about him masterbaiting when he could actually be out cheating is insane to me, all people have needs and their partners should either help meet them or let them do it themselves until their up for it or it’s not going to work out. Masterbaition is a normal thing that both men and women do and it’s definitely not cheating, grow up or don’t be in a relationship.
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Masterbating is not cheating, it’s natural. As for not helping with the children that’s not on, regardless what is going on between the two of you, he should still be remembering he’s a father first.
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Masturbation isn’t cheating. Lol why Did you take him back when you were not over him cheating. That wasn’t a smart thing to do. Make sure you don’t get pregnant
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I’d be more worried about the things you listed before the adult videos. I don’t consider that cheating. I’ve been with my husband 19 years, married 16 and there’s ebbs and flows with the sexual activity, bet he helps with the household though!
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Masturbating isn’t cheating.
He should be helping with the children and house.
If you aren’t past the previous cheating then maybe couples counseling is in order.
Regardless, a sit down and both of you getting the chance to clearly communicate without it turning into a massive fight is in order.
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If he’s doing his self pleasuring in private away from you all wouldn’t you prefer this to cheating with another person? Also if the porn doesn’t include illegal material like with kids nor animals and it’s on HIS equipment only and not on the household PC that any of the rest of you use, then consider the pressure to perform in the bedroom is OFF. It wouldn’t kill him to do the dishes sometimes or set a table etc or help when they are a bit older with homework etc.
I feel like boundaries should have been set and understood before moving him in. I get the feeling he might have thought you were desperate to move him in.
You need to let him know you’re setting some house rules and he doesn’t agree he can gladly go get his own place and y’all can coparent.
You shouldn’t have went back. You’re wasting your life
Err masterbating is not cheating even while watching porn. Physical needs have to be met one way or another. I jokingly tell my husband where the lotion is.
Now the other things like not helping around the house are some what of red flags. I’m a sahm & all my kids are in school, I do the majority of the house work & cooking but if I’m busy, not feeling well, dealing with something for the kids or need a break my husband takes over.
Didn’t you tell him he has to masterbate until you’re ready to have sex with him?
This is so toxic, you both need some self love. He needs to sit down so you can find you someone who is willing to share the load…
You both never fixed the past situation . It was easier to take him back and let it seem he is trying to be better but the same issues came up because it was never fixed what was entirely wrong to begin with . He expects everything to be normal and he expects you to do all with special needs kids while he demands his sex but no help with children just the money part . Its all smoke and mirrors for the kids to be happy is all it sounds like . Find a better way to let go and move forward or tell him it has to be fixed if you feel you have to be married to him but do it better together . Me personally I would not put up with that type of husband behavior before and after and now .
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ɪ ᴡᴀs ᴛᴏʟᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ᴀᴄʜɪᴇᴠᴇᴍᴇɴᴛ ʙᴇɢɪɴs ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴄɪsɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ᴛʀʏ. ɪɢɴᴏʀᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴅᴇsᴛʀᴏʏ sᴏ ᴍᴀɴʏ ᴏᴘᴘᴏʀᴛᴜɴɪᴛɪᴇs. ɪ’ᴍ ᴀ ᴠɪᴄᴛɪᴍ ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ᴡᴀs ᴄᴏɴᴠɪɴᴄᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴛʜᴇ ʀɪɢʜᴛ ᴘᴇʀsᴏɴ ᴍʀs Kathryn Edwards sʜᴇ’s ᴀɴ ᴇxᴘᴇʀᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀ ʟᴇɢɪᴛ ᴍᴀɴᴀɢᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀʀᴇ sᴏ ᴍᴀɴʏ ɢʀᴇᴀᴛ ᴛᴇsᴛɪᴍᴏɴɪᴇs ʙᴇʜɪɴᴅ ʜᴇʀ ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴀɴʏ ᴘʟᴀᴛғᴏʀᴍ. ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀᴄᴛ ʜᴇʀ ᴡɪᴛʜ ɴᴀᴍᴇ ʙᴇʟᴏᴡ
Leave him alone. Masturbation is normal, and if you’re not gonna have sex with him, then he’s gotta do something it’s better than actually cheating. And NO MASTURBATION IS NOT CHEATING it’s like having sex with yourself grow up.