Do you consider porn/masturbation as cheating if you aren’t sexually active with your spouse? My formerly estranged husband to our two toddlers and infant recently moved back in. He had been off and on with the children and our marriage for the past 6 years, but we’ve been getting along great and the children seem to finally be happy that daddy is back and on good terms, hopefully to make this family work. I’m currently a sahm, and he promised to provide for us in order for me to take care of our special needs son. However, although it seems like things are great in front the children, it seems like we are already falling apart again week number 3 of him being back. He doesn’t help with the housework, or ask about the children’s needs. He assumes since he’s breadwinner that he shouldn’t have to do any dishes, laundry, etc. And while I agree to a certain extent, I do have two special needs children and infant, so alittle help would make me feel appreciated. He has also assumed sex is on the table, the first 2 weeks he didn’t try anything. Now, he’s badgering me. And told me that he’s going to have to masturbate until I’m ready. I feel like this is hurtful and cheating. He cheated several times during our marriage and that’s the main reason we separated, but it seems like I’m not allowed to Grief that and I’m “withholding sex”. What would you do in my situation? I found all his porn in his tablet and phone, he lays in another room at night and does this while I’m up getting our children bathed and to bed for school. Should I confront him?
Definitely adulterous. One that looks at another with lust in his heart, has already cheated. You need a stronger man, or one thats willing to work with you.
No. But run so fast away from this dude!
Bye and off u fuck!!! Sorry I hate porn and if my man watched it he’d have to find somewhere else to live xx
So no sex and think he isn’t going to please himself?!
Kick his lazy ass out. You’re better off without him. Here’s a manipulator.
No but I would get rid of him for the other shit
Oh please. Humans have needs. There’s nothing wrong with fulfilling those needs alone. As long as he isn’t having relations with another person then there’s nothing to fuss about. But likely this isn’t about porn or masterbation… it sounds like yall aren’t a good match and are looking for excuses to not be together. So just leave now and save the kids the heartache of watching it slowly spiral to ugliness.
Noooo I think it’s healthy on both parts
He sounds like a piece of shit and it has nothing to do with the adult videos lol…Most men/women watch them and it’s a very normal thing to do. The actual cheating and being lazy is the real issue here.
Some people consider it cheating. My husband and I consider it cheating. But some couples watch it together. Its all about your relationship. You have to communicate with your partner. If it’s bothering you, then bring it up to him! And if he can’t give up porn for you, then say bye. (Honestly though he seems like garbage. You should say bye regardless)
You have to communicate though!!
People need what they need. He’s not going out to get it, but he needs some release. I know when I’m not sexually active, I get angry and I’m not a very nice person:rofl:
🫶🏼 I don’t think it’s cheating, but that’s my opinion. Think about what he needs as well. Everyone is different, and some people really need that stress reliever lol.
I personally don’t think it’s cheating. When I was younger I did but growing up and exploring more, I have become a lot more open with it. However, I do think he should respect your decision that you’re not ready to go that direction yet.
You wanted him him and he’s home. What are you expecting him to do if you don’t want to have sex with him? Do you want him to go somewhere else for sex? I’m Not sure you know what you want
You need to get out and stay out. File for child support and/or assistance for your special needs children so you can continue to stay home and care for them.
No. Cheating with himself?
Let him masturbate, it’ll save you a chore. Also, when he gets done and has endorphins running through his body, ask him to do the laundry and dishes.
Personally, I hate porn. However, if one isn’t physically satisfied and the other is saying no (completely within their right, no bashing there) then the one deprived has the right to do it themselves.
Remind him he is there for the kids and the marriage is along way from being a marriage. Maybe an arrangement for rent needs to made so he completely understands he’s a Tennant/visitor in the house.
Good grief grow up
There is alot to unpack in what’s been posted but bottom line no him watching a movie isnt cheating
He can’t expect you to satisfy his every urge but you cant expect him to just not have urges
Masturbating is healthy. It is NOT cheating especially if you’re not interested.
Your kidding right about pork and masturbation being cheating right. So your not having sex with him so he should just ignore his desire or need for the relief. Wow
No not chearing it would have to be the fact he would already have cheated that would make me want nothing to do with him…you are worth more
Imo. Its normal to be watching porn and masturbating to it.
He has his own needs. You’re not comfortable with doing the deed with him so he is finding it in masturbation.
There are some red flags to this relationship that make me believe this is not a healthy relationship and wont last too much longer.
Masturbation is NOT cheating. Porn is NOT cheating. Both only become an issue if it interferes with a healthy relationship and sex life. Your relationship is anything but healthy. Six years of back and forth is not a healthy relationship. Seek marriage counseling.
Watching porn and masturbating is far from cheating.
They never want to help with anything. Tell him to take his porn and go to he**!
He may have a sexual addiction…in which case he might need to get some mental help…tell him streight that he disrespected you befor and its hard to get around that…and hes not helping with the added bull, and he also needs to show you some respect…maybe go to the church also…ya know…try couple .wholesome family events…maybe he’ll get a grip on it…no pun intended…sorry
Yes, I personally do think it’s cheating. But thats because I’ve had a horrible experience with it with my ex. He took it to another extent as far as reaching out to fake women and trying to meet up with them and was addicted to porn and lied about it, and actually did meet up with women offline and cheated. I think that he should respect your boundaries. If you think it’s cheating and don’t want him doing it it shouldn’t be that big a deal to not watch other people having sex… And if it is. Bye!!
Nope he’s just using you
Would you rather his hand or another woman?? Plus he’s pleasuring himself which is not cheating. Neither is watching porn, some people need visual stimulation to masturbate. Now if he starts watching live videos where he can see them and they can see him, thats another story.
with holding sex for manipulation & control is abusive… no, porn isn’t cheating…
It’s not cheating and to be very honest at least he isn’t going out getting it from someone else.
Just let him wank, if you don’t want it then why does it matter if he has a wank or not. But by the sounds of it he’s lazy and is only back because it was too hard to do things for himself. Kick his ass to the curb.
good god, masturbation is healthy and in no form cheating. If your not giving him any he needs to get his release. Men get testosterone build up and he will be cranky and just over the top. Let the man get a release jeez
This is such a complex question with so many opinions… my opinion is no…it isnt cheating. But while I say this, I also disagree with it when in a marriage/relationship ship. It’s hurtful. It’s disrespectful. Not everyone views it this way, and that’s fully okay as long as discussed among your partner. But if you feel it’s wrong, then it is wrong for you and your relationship ship and need to voice it. And if it isn’t something your partner can agree upon then that isn’t the partner for you. Because it will always be there in the back of your mind, is he doing it what’s he watching when where ect. It can weigh heavy on a woman’s heart when they aren’t comfortable with it.
As far as your husband in general…jeez. why are you with him might I ask? He sounds terrible. First of all, to assume sex is on the table when there has been infidelity issues on his end in the past is absolutely absurd. The ball is in your court here and if he can’t handle that then um BYE! And don’t even get me started on a man not helping with his own children and household. Im sorry but breadwinner or not, he made half the kids, he should be HAPPY to raise half the kids. Same withthe house. A marriage is picking up where the other lacked in a day. Maybe you had a bad day and the house is a wreck and you’re barely surviving. He comes home and sees that. He best pick his ego up along with them toys on the floor and wash them damn dishes for good measure. Plus the whole other level of care you’re on for your children here, my kids aren’t special needs but I can’t even handle them half the time. I would be so incredibly hurt on top of exhausted if I had to deal with a husband who thought it was okay in any way to not put effort in to make a house a home. And although masterbation isn’t cheating per sè, doing it when you’re taking care of your kids and household? Dude needs mental help. There’s a time and place for that, and this ain’t it.
Personally I’d kick his happy a** back out. For good. File for divorce and find yourself a REAL man. Send him off to a brothel since that’s the type of no strings attached relationship he seemingly wants.
Sounds like an ass hole 
I agree masturbation isn’t cheating, and it should be recognized he’s doing something healthy vs cheating on you again.
However, I think your feelings need to be communicated. From the way you’ve described things it sounds like he’s returned bc it’s convenient for him. He gets you and the kids and yet hasn’t made an effort to actually be present within the family.
Talk with him and explain how you’re feeling. Honesty is the only way you can make this work
Why would you withhold sex? He’s your husband? He’s not using you? There will always be a woman that is willing to sleep with him. You need counseling or just break up. Sex is a big thing for me. Deal breaker
In my opinion. You should never have let him back in because he sounds like he wants a mother figure rather than a wife. I’d let him masterbate…ALL.THE.TIME! Who cares saves you a job…WINNING!
I don’t think it’s cheating.But he is a total a… Hole. Knowone should treat you this was. I would kick his butt out so fast lol. I would work to jobs to get rid of him. Disgraceful and lazy. . So many men like this now. It’s sad.
Gross how so many comments are ok with his behaviour. Yes it’s okay to masturbate but his intentions are disturbing. Why isn’t he concerned about why you’re feeling like that and just using it against you? Definitely a lack of communication going on anyways.
No its not cheating hes giving himself release as u are not ready yet i think he is giving u that space at least he’s not going out and getting it from someone else. In all honesty u can’t expect him to just do nothing everyone has needs and right now he is his only option. When a person is not being sexually active they tend to get sexually frustrated so the only way to take care of that is by masterbating to get the release they need. But its not cheating when its with urself. I would let him be with his vices since right now u are not interested its only porn and himself. If he was going out and getting it elsewhere then yes I would be upset and say something but he’s not doing that so if this is how he is satisfying his urges then u need to let him do that because he’s gonna have urges and u can’t expect him not to.
Ask him to share what he likes to look at. Might turn you on. Watching porn is not cheating.
Sounds like he needs to tend to the children while you go watch some porn.
Go to work and let him pay for special needs daycare and a housekeeper. Problem solved, you’ll appreciate each other and find romance again. Quit using your kids as excuse to not clean your house and enjoy life again. We all have a battle that we have to choose so pick yours.
Girl why did you let this man move back in? You obviously haven’t gotten over him cheating which is TOTALLY understandable. I even get you not being ready to have sex with him. What I do NOT understand is why it bothers you if he masturbates. 
The man has to find some way to relieve those needs and as long as he’s not looking for another female, let it go. 
You should put his sorry behind out in the street and forget you ever knew a sorry piece of trash like him. What do you need him for?
If he really wants to make it work why dont u guys go for marriage counseling? So ur feelings can be known to him and perhaps he would better understand how hurtful it is towards u, not only watching porn but also cheating on u previously and also now not helping around the house and with the kid’s… Eventually if u guys want to fix things, sex will have to be on the table but for now while u are not ready, u guys need to seek professional help to get over this together. If not, u guys should just give up now already.
So when he cheated on you last time, did he stick it in another woman or his hand? If it was another woman then why would you take him back??
Seriously love, is normal. You should try it
Oops didn’t read all of it and thought he’s just there till something else comes along. I really don’t understand how some men don’t care for their kids and play with them.
Why are you back with him?
Maturation is the least of your worries.
His butt should be out the door for good.
Wtf?
You can’t cheat with yourself…
So you let him back after being off and on with him for 6 years due to him cheating? Did you see any chances of him changing during the years? Masturbating is no form of cheating at all and maybe he has changed (cheating) in some ways which resorts to him doing his thing 
Do you both communicate with each other? Communication is key ! Tell him exactly how you feel and just because hes the breadwinner it doesn’t mean his day ends when he gets home! Let him know you would like him to help out around the home and with the kids, i cant stand a parent who thinks they shouldnt have to do anything once home from work.
I don’t think porn is the problem here, imo. Everything else you described about his behavior, however…
Definitely not cheating…but it sounds like the two of you should end it. It sounds like a lot of drama.
Go to couple’s counseling, tell him he has to start helping with kids and housework 50/50 and you go to work also. At that point if he doesn’t want to help 50/50 or doing counseling then only thing you can really do is split up and he leave home again or you just accept it and stay learning to just cope with it.
All this:
“let” him masterbate… it’s his body! He doesn’t need your permission.
If you have any trust issues then just stop this relationship because you’ll never move forward in a positive manner with this guy just by what you’re saying. If he isn’t IN IT, let him go you’ll both never be happy and you shouldn’t want him if he doesn’t want to be IN IT!
Both sides need growing up!
I’m sorry girl but I suggest don’t get your hopes up just appreciate for what he is doing as far as going to work but if he just came back n is badgering u about sex he might end up cheating with an actual woman once masturbating doesn’t satisfy him anymore.  get u a support system. anyone that can come help u during the day with cleaning and laundry
It’s not necessarily cheating, but literally every other thing that you listed is such a gigantic red flag saying LEAVE HIM.
You sound exhausting
Definitely not cheating… once a cheater always a cheater in my opinion. If it hasn’t worked out In 6years Why Keep trying? Why keep wasting ur time… it seems he does Nothing for the family so ur basically a single parent anyway.
Masterbation is not cheating that is the stupid thing I’ve ever heard. And you can’t deny him sex and then tell him he can’t please himself you are a very selfish woman.
Porn isn’t cheating. 
Hell no it ain’t cheating!! Maybe you need some help getting your groove back, watch with him… but don’t feel bad about Porn!
Omg! No it’s not cheating
Boot him out and get a cleaner in.
The masturbation/porn is not the problem here. HE is. Him not helping you with the household chores, not helping you with the children’s needs and 'badgering" you for sex…clearly YOU know what is wrong here and what needs to be done…put on your big girl panties and get rid of this “jerk-off”. Find someone that not only helps you in the areas he doesn’t, but, someone that appreciates and cares about YOU and your children. What you have with Mr. Mr., is NOT a “relationship”. You know that. “Nothing changes, if nothing changes”.
You feel him touching himself is hurtful an cheating it’s his body , ?
Only if your vcr can get pregnant.
Well he’s just gonna cheat again
Sex is a part of the relationship if you can’t give all of you to him you had no business trying again, and don’t use your kids as the excuse they’re happy etc
Be the mother you’re suppose to be and do it without him and let him be the dad he’s supposed to be without you
Co fucking parent and adult the fuck up
If YOU are uncomfortable with it, someone else telling you it’s normal will never be enough. Personally it is cheating to me because it’s lasting over someone else even if they don’t know them in real life. You need to decide what you can accept in your relationship. There ARE guys out there that one women is enough for. If he loves you and it’s “not a big deal” it hurting you would be enough for him to stop.
Masterbating is not cheating. Crazy that people think we can’t touch ourselves without it being cheating… Self love is important
It’s not cheating if he’s watching it and messing with himself…but with holding sex is prob why he’s doing that. But if he cheated on you with other ppl in the past…NOPE to bringing him back!!! Also, if he thinks just because he works he doesn’t have to help out… that is ridiculous and you should kick him out. That’s just pure laziness! My fiance and i both work full time and have a child. He does half the house work and takes care of our child but he sucks at cleaning the house lol…but he does do it…there is no excuse for helping each other out …
The helping n respect is an issue but you cannot expect someone not to get themselves off if you ain’t gonna help n they can’t get it elsewhere. That’s a shock to me, not everyone has the same sex drive or needs. As long as he ain’t sleeping or chatting up other women I don’t see an issue. My (currently separated) partner n I have really high sex drives but still have to get off because we are trying to fix our relationship we aren’t helping each other we have to help ourselves or we would kill each other
Men need sex more than women do it’s just a fact. Not just wanting it but actually needing it to function properly. Do some research. I would rather have my bf beat his meat to my pics tho 
No having a wank is not cheating.
It’s his body he should be able to touch it. You sound terrible as a spouse
Also sex is never a weapon. Go to therapy. You need help
Honestly don’t feel like him watching porn is the problem in this relationship….
Well !!! What do you expect him to do ?
You are the reason why is doing it.
But , seriously why you keep trying to save a marriage that has been broken long ago .
My question is if it all has to do with porn. How old are y’all? If porn has been your problem all 6 years you know your answer as to what you should do. I’ve been with my husband for 21 years and yes porn was a part for both of us at times. Never in the same household but not a “cheating” way of release. If it was real cheating I would say differently but porn is so small compared to other avenues. Men and women masturbate for the same reasons. You cannot say anything if you did so with or without video. Same thing really. If it is just porn ease either get help or just leave. Pornhub has a lot of what we won’t offer.
You’ve asked the wrong question. It’s not about the masturbation at all it’s about the absence, your job doesn’t stop when you clock off and he’s not giving you any respite at all and then expecting you to have energy to fulfill his needs. Especially after he put these exact same needs over the family’s needs previously which caused the insecurities you are feeling. Sounds like there is no communication or consideration and without either of those this is going to be a tough road ahead
If you want the marriage to work, try The Love Dare challenge, the 5 love languages and get counceling, solo, couples and family.
Show me one bloke who doesn’t
And I will call him a liar
95% will admit to it
The other 5% will lie about it
Everything in this post screams red flag with him. Him touching himself is whatever but I wouldn’t be ok with the porn either🤷🏻♀️ He’s given you multiple reasons to leave him and you keep taking him back so of course he doesn’t think he needs to change anything
Cheating with himself 
So your not ready for sex, and that’s fine… but he’s not allowed to touch himself? That’s ridiculous. Doesn’t sound very “my body my choice” to me. Is he “paying for only fans/locals?” …What do you expect him to do, sit just as miserable? You want him to work, do the house, not have sex, not touch himself… nothing. …What are you offering? If this ain’t what you want let that man go!
And you got back together with him for what reason? He has shown you exactly who he is, believe what he has shown you and don’t expect him to change. It’s only been three weeks and already he’s showing you the real him, move on with your life and forget about him, he doesn’t sound like someone you should waste anymore of your life with.
Why are you with him?
The masturbation isn’t the issue. The lack of consideration for you is. He chose to have children with you. They are special needs and require much more than standard care which is exhausting. If he cared about you or the children he would be more involved other than bringing home a paycheck. Another thing, sex is personal. He has betrayed you before and that hurts. Sex starts way before the bedroom and if they are inconsiderate and distant, that spark will never reignite within you. Do not waste 26 years of your life like I did. Move on. Collect child support and find a way to exist without this cancer of a man or let him masturbate as much as he wants but your body is unavailable.
Confront him…more like get rid of him
What he works and yes u have to special needs kids. Porn. Is not cheating. Wth u told him to Jack off. Honestly u sound boring and selfish…
The kerb is waiting for him
That’s not a relationship.
I’d tell him pick his bags up n get outta my door before I put him through him tbh
Let the man have a wank or two
There is a whole lot wrong here and you can feel that. He is definitely not the answer to having support while you care for your children. I recommend getting out of this situation before it gets worse and looking for additional support through family, friends and your local community.
No… Masturbating, visual stimulation… No it’s not cheating
It could be worse she could seek it else where 
- at least his being honest with you. You either both make it work or you don’t.
Don’t let the kids suffer in the mean time.