How do you deal with your partner who does not meet you intellectually? I really feel like I’m getting dumber as a result. Don’t bash me, please. I just love my husband so much, but we are not even close in the range of intelligence or education. This used to not bother me, but lately is getting so tiresome to have these watered-down conversations about nothing when there’s a whole world to explore and learn about. He doesn’t want to learn anything new; he has no interest in getting smarter.
What the actual fuck? Divorce him if you don’t like the same person you married. Normally I’m not so rude, but seriously? I can’t believe you’re like that. Why would you want to change the man you married? I feel sorry for him
So, you’re saying you weren’t “intelligent” enough to choose better…Never criticize your spouse’s choices…you were one of them
So much for unconditional love
He should run for the hills
He sounds beneath you. I’m so sorry you have to put up with that.
Whew doesn’t sound like love
I ended up growing out of the relationship, it was hard after 10 years but you either grow together because of choices or you grow apart because of choices
Sometimes people don’t engage in conversation with people who already know everything. What’s the point?
Well you said not to bash you. So respectfully, to your husband. I think it’s time to look into divorce. You can do better man.
So… going against the grain here. I think the goal of any marriage is to GROW together as people and a couple. I would sit down and have a conversation your partner that you’re really interested in x,y,z and ask if they would look into it more so that you can have conversations about it together. It’s important to you, so it should be important to them. Then offer to take up something they really enjoy to do w them also. Baby steps.
“I really feel like I’m getting dumber as a result.” “I just love my husband so much”
Like what?! How do you even say those things in the same paragraph? You knew who he was when you married him. This is crazy
Well, this is quite shitty.
I feel bad for him lol because you are not the dictator of his life or choice.
It’s not your job to fix him. He’s an entire person. Not half of you.
What if he changes his mind in 5 years?
Don’t make permanent decisions on temporary feelings
So many BS articles on everything but nails. I am out!
I’m deleting this from my feed…this is beyond stupid. Have fun!
Wow, you’re something else. You should divorce him so he can find someone who deserves him. I cannot imagine saying such rotten things about your husband.
This is something to consider before getting married. It’s unfair to make someone change after you’ve given the impression that you’ve accepted them for who they are.
I know exactly what you mean. I love to read, I have always enjoyed learning and spelling is important to me.I have even read the dictionary and try to learn new words often. My husband sounds similar to yours.He’s told me before that he didn’t even know San Diego(where I lived for years) was in California and that Denmark was even a place. He can’t spell very good either so things are usually butchered and we can’t really have conversions without me having to explain it really well a few times. He also doesn’t remember alot of what we discuss. It’s very frustrating and I know he feels stupid when I try to correct him using words that don’t apply to what he’s using it for and trying to tell him how to spell a simple word. I don’t want him to feel dumb or like he’s beneath me but I don’t know any other way to try and help him sound more intelligent. Which is only important to me because I want my kids to value that and he’s working on being promoted at his job.I try to ignore it as best I can and let him know my help is always available
You can see someone’s potential but you can’t make them live up to it.
Sometimes you grow together and sometimes your growth takes you on different paths. It’s ok to go
Too busy getting his nails done
I think having a variety of interests is not the same as intelligence.
Marriage should be based on a spiritual love and understanding of each other on a fundamental basis.Not IQ.
If you’re looking for intellectual companionship, then you’re not looking for a husband.
I predict that this marriage isn’t going to last long unfortunately.
Stupid fake crap on this site
Then learn it yourself, join a group to talk about stuff with. I’ve done more things than my bf, but he’s always willing to go somewhere new or do stuff. But he reads more than I do, we just like different things sometimes. If learning isn’t his thing, then do other things with him. No harm in doing your own hobbies/things without your spouse sometimes.
Sounds like he is going to get left behind . Happened to my girlfriend 20+ years ago.
Get some more diverse friends or enroll in a course at a local university. You knew this when you married him and you cannot expect someone to change for you OR for someone to be you’re entire world and share your every interest
You were clearly attracted to it at some point! This is clearly not unconditional.
Ugh, poor guy. He deserves better
So sad! He deserves better than you!
Wow to post this on fb is truly disrespectful…he really needs to file for divorce!!
I know that situation. But funny enough, the guy started elevating himself somewhat. He went to an event one time and folks were discussing “whatever it was” and he couldn’t join in but said to himself, "damn I bet she knows what the hell they talmbout’ cause he didn’t have a clue. But yeah, he started getting better at learning stuff. He formed some weird opinions but yeah, he tried.
Man you dont love him at all if you’re talking about him like that. NEVER ONCE have I EVER called my hubby stupid. You are DEGRADING the one person you should be building up… I’m sure your man builds you up and tries to make you feel good, just for you to kick him back down and call him dumb. You probably have a man that would do ANYTHING for you and youre too selfish and ungrateful to see it. You have NO HEART. NONE! I CANT BELIEVE THE HORRIBLE THINGS YOU SAID ABOUT HIM. ITS DISGUSTING. I’M LITERALLY SEETHING ANGRY. How would you feel if he said these things about YOU behind YOUR back. YOU should be ashamed of yourself.
There are other groups for this cr*p!!! Ugh, I’m so done with this page
I used to think I was more intelligent than my husband when we met, but he’s way better at math and a talented carpenter. He may not be interested in the same things as I am, but marriage is a compromise. I take interest in things he enjoys.
My ex was definitely less intelligent than I was. I actually know EXACTLY how you feel.
I had to leave him. I was looking for a life partner. It just wouldn’t have worked out. He was just too intellectually behind with no intention of getting ahead.
It broke my heart to leave, but I’m so much better off for it. And he is too.
You can’t ask or hope for someone to change. I know that now.
What once attracted me, totally cloyed after a while.
My ex was an EMT. He legit. Dead serious said “am-blance.” I used to flip the fuck out. How can you not pronounce the name of the vehicle you work on for a living?! And he was kidding. He tried to turn it into a joke. Oh no. He was just dumb. And for his job he had to correspond with clients through email. I used to shudder. I loved him with all my heart. I was going to marry him. But the one day I finally said “ your boss actually lets you like…WRITE to clients…?” I couldn’t take it.
I think maybe she is trying to say that they grew apart and that’s ok it happens. Sounds like you guys might need a common friend to try and sit through a little therapy session. If not maybe marriage counseling. Just remember we all think differently and some of us have a harder time grasping new things. Try finding out what his interest are and use that as a conversation starter. You guys can do this.
There is growth mindset and fixed mindset. Went thru this myself. Divorced him and went to college myself, triple major
How is he otherwise?
So, you’re saying you weren’t “intelligent” enough to choose better?? Lol …NEVER criticize your spouse’s choices because you were one of them.
All them fish in the sea…
Cut him loose and let him find someone that appreciates him for what he is, instead of some kind of socio-engineering project. You lied when you married him anyway. Remember? for better or worse… By the way, when you cut him loose, please do not inflict yourself on another man. Stay single.
You married him knowing who he is and accepted it. Now you want him to change. Sounds pretty selfish to me.
Your husband needs to find a new wife… this is the dumbest shit I have ever read
A degree doesn’t necessarily mean intelligence. And not having one doesn’t make you stupid. But that’s probably why it’s best to look for people with similar interests and intelligence levels.
So you’re saying he wasn’t very smart by choosing you either. You sound shallow and judgemental. Divorce him and let him find someone who will love him the way he is
For better or worse.
Sounds like it’s a you problem not a him problem and you need friends who meet your level on conversations.
Join a discussion group, a book club. No one said you had to have no outside interest.
Don’t criticize you when you’re a straight up biatch???
I’m pretty sure you are having “smart conversations” with someone else, and now you are looking at your husband in a different way
Being book smart has nothing to do with having an intelligent conversation……you just need fo find someone that you vibe with on that type of level.
I have a high school diploma and I’m street smart and highly creative in everyday life things where as my fiance has a GED and is book smart and has so much odd knowledge. My comprehension is crap so I hate reading. If your partners “intelligence” bothers you maybe you’re love for him is short lived
Wow, yeah no. That’s a personal choice and your judgement is just sad. I’d divorce someone with his attitude.
Aren’t we all high on ourselves. You married him
I read this up until “dumber” and thought oh wow what an ableist jerk! People have learning difficulties quit being a superficial jerk and humble yourself. You sound more air headed than you claim he is being.
not sure if you mean education or intelligence? I married a man that didnt finish high school and barely got a GED at the ripe age of 21- flash forward 15 years later I got a bachelors degree that I never used and he was general mgr of a huge company making 3x what I made in my line of work - yes I love to read books , not his thing - he would hand me the sunday newspaper along with a perfect cup of coffee- he would later suggest I further my education if that is what I wanted- for him as the head of the company with 100s of employees it was no interest to him- I He had street smarts and charisma - he also could carry a great conversation and could sell a blind person sunglasses BUT thats what makes a person- individuality - I think when you start comparing you are in the wrong situation and simply trying to crawl out - its not always greener on the other side of the hill trust me I know
I really appreciate your concern and understand the whole situation. Firstly you hAve to evaluate yourself, u need to understand that you yourself is not that intellectual what you are comprehending. Life has given this situation to again level up and upgrade yourself for better.
If you love him accept him completely you may disagree with his way of life but he is your man so let him be like that. This way you will be upgraded in many way. In short u have to work on urslef.
Now what you can do to him use better words for him, let him understand the importance of openness, imptance of learning with simple but effective examples, letc him realise how enthusiastic you are for learning new things new ideas new better perspectives of life and other. BUT after this don’t expect too much the slightest improvement is all enough.
I am quite sure you will be at better position after this. And yes you are intelligent enough though life want you to be More.
Thanks and regard.
my dad was like that too while my mom is well educated. she is miserable sinking in his level just to keep peace and our family not broken when it is really toxic because of my dad close mindedness hindering everyones growth. Already told my mom to just cut him loose but she is just too stubborn. now in her 70’s she is still miserable and worst than before.
How long have you been married? I’ve been to that phase too. I think there was a time where I rolled my eyes180 because of the stupid shit my husband said. In my mind how come he can say things so ignorant and even illogical? He’s always on the phone, but he never try to learn, so much to google, so much to read, and it’s free. But he’s oblivious to what’s happening to the more developing world, most importantly what’s not tolerated anymore. But then he did measure up somewhere else, he’s very hardworking. Our intellect might be different, he might not understand but he never fights me. He tried his best even he don’t know how. I’m sure you can think of what your hubby good at in other ways, as long as one is not illiterate, and he has means to support financially, a degree doesn’t really matter.
Love is unconditional and we all have strengths and weaknesses
He should leave you. Are you kidding me? Dumbing you down? Girl, stop. Since you sit so high on that throne… he probably hates conversations with you as well. You sound like a real treat.
Are you for real .if so leave that man so he can find someone worthy of him
I feel like you’re seeking our permission to divorce your husband for whomever you’re currently having intellectual conversations with. No. You don’t divorce someone simply because you’re having a hard time. That’s a NO from me.
Jaesa McGee here you go
Comparing others r yourself to your husband isn’t fair or right in my opinion , you met dated married him out of love for better r worse n should appreciate the positive things not looking to belittle n criticism over something simple who had better education r such;”( my husband never finished high school I did n went to college 2 yrs but he’s much smarter in many ways n things than I am !! He can rebuild cars n transmission n clutches lawn tractors paint homes build wood things fo electrical n plumbing n carpeting etc, proud yes hell yes I’m proud!! So what if he didn’t finish high school I love anyways;”)
Sounds like there isn’t enough room for “smart” people at your house. I am educated and my husband isn’t but it doesn’t matter. He is a good man, he can do anything, and he is a great father to our kids. He isn’t so mighty that he pulls the man card - we work together in our business, our home and our world. You need to look at yourself because he knows who he is.
Sad that you’re not happy with your husband as he is,maybe you need to rethink about why you choose him & why it’s Now just bothering you,unless there’s another man whose tickling you’re intelligence. FYI! Educated smarts is different from street smarts but it doesn’t make him any less of a man.
Honestly, I believe it has nothing to do with intellect, it has to do with interest. Both my husband and I have degrees but we don’t have the same interest which makes it boring. Doesn’t make us dumb just out of sync with each other. For instance, I love to dance, he doesn’t and that kills me but we get along fine just not interested in the same things. Find other ways to entertain that part of you. Like these other women suggested. Especially if you love him. There is always a way! Unless of course it’s a turn off for you, then I can’t help there. My opinion ladies, that’s all this is!
I’m actually dumb struck at all these negative comments. This person is feeling some kind of way, reaches out to share and is attacked by everyone for voicing how she feels.
People get married and love each other, over time some grow closer and move through life together; others grow apart.
If I ever need to seek others opinions, I know not to come to this group for support or guidance.
Maybe you are out growing each other. Maybe he’s not into the intellect. Maybe you’re not satisfied anymore. Whatever it is, figure it out so that you can move on together or apart. Life is short
If he is so adamant on being stuck in the rut and you are not happy with being on different intellectual levels, then you should leave him. He is just being complacent, refusing to improve himself.
My husband has no (and never had) interest in education. Zip. I was a straight a student, top of class blah blah blah. Married 17 years. We balance each other and because we see each others strengths and play to them. We own a successful business. It is a lie that you have to further your education in order to be successful or grow as a person. Don’t force him to be something he is not.
Edited to add that he is waaaaay smarter than I am
My hubby drives me crazy sometimes, as I do him, and we love each other as deep as love gets.
So to me it sounds like you aren’t in love with him anymore. You have begun to nit pick him for something you knew before you married him. Time to do some hard thinking. Let him go if you can’t love him for who he is.
Does he have nit pick complaints about you? Are you aware of your own flaws and try to change them.
This post has got my mind and heart going
Im just curious why you would marry someone you feel is so obviously beneath you ? You can’t say you love someone and then bash and belittle them by calling them stupid and how you feel dumber being around them. He is the same person you married. I feel like you are looking for excuses to leave for whoever you are having ‘smart’ conversations with.
If he’s content and you are not, that’s a problem…not his problem but yours…not bashing but how would you respond if he said to you that you’re boring and he feels dumber after talking to you?
This page is a joke and solicits arguments between people by posting ignorant questions from anonymous fans. Seriously… Who does this?
I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is.
College is not for everyone. Education should not be a deal breaker for love. I am about to go for my Masters degree… my husband are not has a High School diploma. That does not make him less of a man, husband, or father. In fact…he makes more than double what I do.
Sometimes people are comfortable with where they are at in the moment. Doesn’t mean in time he won’t want to advance in learning new things. Focus on what you say you love about him, there is a reason you took marriage vows with this man. If he is supportive, loving, and and a trusted spouse, those are definitely qualities to feel fortunate about. He also may be suffering emotionally if he is feeling disinterest or unmotivated, may be good reason to find out where his issue is stemming from and help and support him.
Aren’t we all high and mighty?
Maybe you’re the dummy !!! And he might be crazy for staying with you !!!
Idk I have a Masters; actually nearly 2 Masters Degrees and my man has a high school diploma and some community college credits and I see no difference. In fact I think he’s more intelligent than me on most things
Dang girl…ruff crowd…do whatever you want to do…have conversations with him. Good luck!!
Sounds like you’ve outgrown eachother.
People should change and grow, pretty boring to stay exactly the same.
Not every marriage will last and that’s okay.
Don’t stay in a situation where you’re miserable.
Life is too short.
Get a divorce but be honest about how much of a shitty partner you are.
It’s obvious you overlooked his short comings when the spark was alive and now that you’re down the line you want more. I will tell you to have a conversation with him but not to ask him to change but to explain that you’ve changed and you want more. Maybe he’s gotten so comfortable he’s slacked on all the other areas he was great that made you overlook his lack of intelligence or drive. Keep in mind he might be completely ok with things as they are and you may not be able to change this situation. So you can accept it or you can move on. It wouldn’t be fair to expect him to want to learn or be the man you need right now. But definitely have that conversation.
I feel the same way about my husband who does not care to make his body and mind healthy. Insists on continuing his life of physical and emotional pain (even as a health professional) and acknowledges that he will die younger because of it. As a person who spent a lot of time not addressing some of my issues, I get that “being frozen” feeling (maybe where your partner is?), but it is grating the hell out me because he should know better and get his grown-ass shit together (maybe where you are). #ifeelthat
Not sure what he does, but I have a huge respect for the blue collar jobs that keep our country running. College is NOT for everyone. (I have a master’s degree and taught elementary Ed for 34 years. ). Don’t sell your man short.
I have a med degree my husband is a farmer and we are fine. He schools me and I school him. 36 years and going strong
Time to move on princess.
Do him a big favor and leave him! He deserves much better!
Did you not know this in the beginning😐
Yikes… judgements from everyone eh? Must be nice to be as perfectly content as all these negative commentators must be. my advice to the author would be to try to spark your partners interest in new things, compromise and find new interests together to keep yourselves interested and growing emotionally, mentally, and yes educationally. Take a step back from any judgements you may have and try to listen to your partner. If he is telling you he is not interested in something respect it and ask about something he is interested in. You may very well be more “book smart” then your other half but you may be surprised what he can teach you. just be patient!
Maybe he’s just happy with being the man he was when you met him . You know, one woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure
Wtf, you think you’re better? You sound like the problem !!
How’s the weather up there on that high horse? Geez
Sometimes you grow out of people. Especially if you are young