QUESTION:
I’ve been raising my grandson for the last 4 years. This is my son’s son. He was placed in my care by Child Protective Services at 5 months old, which ended in me having full custody of my grandson. My son wasn’t in the baby’s life until a year ago.
My grandson calls me mommy and my husband daddy, we have literally been his parents emotionally and financially. In the last year, my son would make a once-a-month visit with his son.
In the last 6 months, I have caught my son telling the baby I’m his grandma, not his mommy. I understand I’m Grandma, but it’s frustrating he feels he has a right to do that.
Baby will know we’re his grandparents when he’s old enough to understand. I also let teachers, doctors, etc. know I’m his grandma.
This has led me to tell my son he can’t visit with the baby. Am I wrong for not wanting to confuse baby right now?
My son doesn’t help with him financially and he already has another girl pregnant. He thinks a once-a-month visit is going to make him daddy."
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1 Like
I too, raised my granddaughter from the time she was 18mos until she turned 6. She called me mommy and my husband Daddy. She knew her mom too as Mama but she lived across the country in the military. I had 4 younger children that called us mom and dad and she naturally began doing so even when we called ourselves Nana and Papa. She has since moved back in with her Mama. She calls me Mom sometimes and Nana too. She still calls him Daddy as he is the only male role model she has. I think he should call you Mommy and his “dad” should be eternally grateful for all you have done for the little guy.
Well then maybe daddy should be raising him himself 
3 Likes
That would be awkward in public places with both dad and grandma there. People thinking that’s your baby mama when it’s actually your mom. 
No one knows your situation and should not judge anyone, but you should not be allowing the child to call you mommy. IT is after all your grandchild not your child. Nip that in the bud before it gets confusing
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Similar situation with my niece and her grandmother. It’s weird.
I’m sorry but no mom is mom and grandma is Grandma. I wouldn’t want anyone else to be called mommy but me. I mean maybe come up with some other kind of name special for you guys but not mommy
4 Likes
I mean, you’re his grandma, not mom. Seems about right he calls you grandma (or whatever he uses for grandma)
2 Likes
I’ve had my Grandson since he was a baby. I have custody. I have always been, and will always be Mommy.
12 Likes
You could always have him call you grand mommy to keep peace in the family.
2 Likes
I strongly feel he should call you Grandma. You’re not his mother.
3 Likes
The child has a right to their feelings. How dare anyone box them in because their situation is different .
4 Likes
My nieces mom passed away when they were very very young. They were raised by grandparents and called them mommy and daddy but are fully aware of who their parents are and about their mom and what happened to her. Theyre now grown with babies of their own. Theyre fine, i think it all depends on the situation and how it works for that child.
8 Likes
Oh please the man or the real mom should step up and do their job the child is confused he doesn’t know any better but you can bet he has someone that treats him like a mom and so what the gramma loves him he wishes he real mom was there we called my gramma mom and we are just fine we had good parents that understood
1 Like
I raise my granddaughter. She called me grandma until she started school. I also have a son only 1 year older than her. People always asked how is she grandma if she is his mommy. She started calling me mommy to make it less confusing for everyone. I never asked her to or not too. She knows I am grandma. Anyone who matters in our lives knows I am grandma. Anyways just my 2 cents worth…
8 Likes
There seems like there maybe more to this than we know? Such as: where is the child’s mom, how old is the child, has there been a conversation with the child about mom and the list goes on. Sense we don’t know the answer to any of these questions or many more for that matter ? We can’t really make a honest opinion. What I will say is God Bless the child! 
So after reading the full story, the issue here is that the father is trying to be more involved in his child’s life. He should not be barred from doing that because of your selfishness of wanting your husband to be called “daddy” (and you to be called “mommy”). It’s extremely messed up to deny a father visitation to his son because heaven forbid this boy’s actual parent wants to be in his life. Honestly, I hope he gets a lawyer and gets some custody. Then maybe you’ll wish you hadn’t been so petty over a name.
My grandson (my sons son) lives with us and calls me momo but mama sometimes cuz thats what everyone else in the house calls me. He calls his MOMMY so he does differentiate between the 2. I dont care what he calls me but i wouldn’t want him to call me mommy since he has 1
No, I have to disagree - Grandma is Grandma, not Mommy! Even if I was raising my Grandchild/Granchildren, I am their Grandma!!! They will know that!
3 Likes
My aunt has raised 2 of her grandchildren for 12 years. The youngest getting ready to turn 13, the oldest just turned 16. So they have been with her more than they have their own parents. So yes they call her mom. They know who their parents are but their grandmother is their mom through and through.
7 Likes
I have had my 6 yr old grandson here with me for 4 yrs now and he does not call me mom I am Grandma to him and he knows he has a mom out there to
If Grandma is there and “Mom” chooses NOT TO BE!!…The child will decide who’s Mom! God bless the children!
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I called my grandmother Mom. I met my “mother” for the first time when I was 7 years old.
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She’s raising him that’s the only mom he knows. Screw what everyone else wants this is probably what he wants since his mom is absent
6 Likes
I noticed several women that are now raising their grand kids seem to LIKE to call them THEIR daughters and definitely LIKE the kid calling them mom!! I think it’s weird but they seem to get off of it like it’s a second chance to be a mom it’s odd. But common it seems
If Grandma is the only one doing physical care giving duties that’s who the child is going to assume as Mom. Don’t like it then he needs to man up and take care of his child and or the biological mother needs to pull her head out of her ass and take care of the child. Otherwise grandma is doing what is best for the child. End of story
That really depends on the situation.
If grandma is raising the kid then its up to the kid and grandma whats acceptable.
2 Likes
Your the one who is raising him if the child wants to call you mommy that’s great your his mom
6 Likes
Well, if they raised their own kid, there would be no issue.
You are his mom! I have raised my granddaughter, who is 21, from the day she was born. She knows I’m her grandmother but calls me mom as she feels I am her mom. She also calls her mother mom when talking to her in order not to hurt her feelings. When talking about her mother she calls her by name. She is intelligent enough to know that biology isn’t what makes you a mother.
3 Likes
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If she has been the only parental figure in her grandson’s life - no. I did get aggravated when my son called my mother “ma”… he lived with us, not his grandparents. She was “ma” for a long time and I was “regular ma.” Then she was Granny Ma, Granny and now Grandmother…
Your son is old enough to survive being upset. If he had done what he should have as a father in the beginning, or spent significant time bonding with his child, maybe he could be upset with reason. In this situation, your son is being childish.
My sister’s daughter call her grandmother mom-mom, her babysitter was mom and her mother was mommy. I see nothing wrong with it.
People are getting hung up on the semantics and not seeing the larger issue. It doesn’t matter if the child chooses to call her mom or grandma. Biologically she is grandma, but since she’s been raising him for 4 years and has legal custody she is effectively his mother. The issue I see is that bio dad has shown up and tried to undermine her position after 4 years of being a deadbeat. He should be tripping over himself with gratitude that his parents gave his son the stable loving home he refused to, and should be thrilled that his son has a solid mother figure. Instead he’s trying to change his son’s perception of the people raising him and interfering in the relationship between his son and what are now his son’s parents. I think if bio dad can’t respect Grandma’s boundaries, she’s right to boot him. He’s done enough damage to his son.
