I’ve been told that I need to stop running to my baby the moment he cries and to stop sleeping with him for his comfort and to let him be more independent. The hard thing for me is to allow him to do that, and I feel like with being a new mum I find it as though I am neglecting my children needs to be comforted if I am told to ignore it if it’s just for cuddles or wanting to be picked up. My question is, what are the negative effects of not letting your child self soothe? And if you did let then become Independent, what was the hardest thing you had to teach yourself?
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Depends on the age. .y personal opinion is not before 10 months.
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My parents co-slept with me til I was 5. My mom let me self soothe as an infant but the majority of the time, she didnt wait too long, if I hadn’t stopped crying in 10 to 15 min she came to me. My step sons are 10 and 11 and sometimes they still want me to sleep with them. I am super independent, have been since 18, I was 12 when my little brother came and we let him self soothe, hes 15 now, super independent, as well as intelligent.We both have quite high I.Q’s, he plays hockey. My parents are very loving, and expressive people. They also allowed us to “march to our own drum.” It honestly depends on preference and the babies personality. Every kid is different. Good luck mama!!!
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Baby…independent? What? 
Comfort your baby all you want. Why would you let your baby cry?
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Depends on age and what exactly they are waiting/needing. Before 2yrs old, no. Don’t let them cry it out in general. They don’t have any other way of communicating wants and needs. Could be hungry, tired, too hot or cold, sick, nervous, ect. Co-sleeping is a tricky subject and most people are either fully for or fully against. So, that’s on you to choose if you want baby in bed with you or if you need your space
No momma you dont have to let the baby self soothe at a young age, i personally waited until my son was a year old before we started doing that. You are doing the right thing comforting your baby and snuggling with his mom only strengthens yalls bond, again i waited until my son was a year old before i started letting him sleep on his own in the room with me.
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If ur bubba doesn’t settle after a few gurgles and groans, go and get him,
Soothe him and get him back to sleep if you can… im no expert, but I really have mixed opinions on self settling / controlled crying at infant age
I didn’t do cry it out until my oldest was over one. It wasn’t just let him cry either. First night was 2 minutes then gradually increase. I would even just sit beside his crib sometimes when I knew he didn’t need anything.
I really don’t think it’s healthy emotionally for them to cry it out my youngest is 13 months and I wait w couple minutes and if hes still crying I go see. Sometimes he just falls asleep after a few minutes.
I am a little old fashioned however if I knew mynbaby was fed and was comfortable I’d let her cry cause I knew she was tired but if her crying got worse then obviuosly there was some discomfort and cuddling was needed use your own discretion is the best option
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Isn’t your job as a parent to be nurturing? I never understood the letting them cry it out people. They are babies. Not manipulative adults
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Self soothing for reasons like the child was told no not to play with something due to not being safe let them cry a little bit they soon will be able to move on. If baby crying for unknown reasons maybe the world is scary at the level their on it won’t harm a child to be held and soothed it helps them to learn to soothe and one day they’ll be 14 not needing you for cuddles… if bed sharing is the plan then do what you want and not everyone needs to know the plan for your children.
You do what you feel is right. Don’t let other people tell you what you need to be doing. That’s your child.
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How do you ask a fan question on this page?
Go with your gut. Self soothing is learned in time. I think our littles need as much comfort and security as we can give them.
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I once let my son cry it out and he almost fell out of his crib and cried in his sleep even when I was holding him. That memory still breaks my heart and my son is 21. You do whatever you feel is right for you and your baby.
Enjoy your babies and give them all your love . when they get older they will want some independence and you will feel a little left out but that’s all about being a mom I don’t think it’s good for you to sleep with your baby there have been to many accidents that have been due to rolling over on your baby
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They don’t learn independence, they learn no one is coming and give up. They cry for a reason, the world’s a pretty scary place when you’re little. I’m all for comforting, regardless of the time. Being a mum doesn’t stop at night
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No! Self soothing comes after being soothed hundreds, thousands of times. It comes after the security of knowing you are there. Soothe and comfort that baby
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No you shouldn’t stop. Its his only way of communicating with you. Yes other people’s advice can be good and helpful but you know your child best.
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I never let my babies cry. They are babies. They are tiny, brand new, and helpless. It’s literally my job to take care of them and tend to their needs when they are BABIES. What they need is to feel loved and secure.
They’re not babies for long.do it your way.
You do what feels right in your heart. 
You spoil milk… not babies.
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I did all of this with my little one! She’s now just over a year old and walking. Shes very independent.
Trust your feelings. New babies can’t be spoiled. They need you. That’s why she cries.
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You can actually do long term damage to letting babies “cry it out” they don’t self soothe they give up so they just stop crying 
your child isn’t going to go to college wearing diapers or sleeping in your bed and they are only little once. I suggest you love your baby the way that you choose to it belongs to you and noone else. My kids are 3&5 and still come to me crying to kiss boo boos or come to my bed if they have bad dreams. They are plenty independent as well.
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I mean … my first question is how old is your baby lol
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How old is your baby? I was told that for the first three months to answer baby’s every cry as this is how they gain trust. I also didn’t do cry it out. My son is 16 months old and occasionally will cry in his crib in the night, we usually give him about three mins because sometimes he puts himself back down. If he cries longer we of course go in to see what he needs. Every baby and every Mom is different. Do what is right for you.
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Babies need mom they cry to communicate. I hate the whole self soothe thing, they learn no one is coming for them.
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Do what you feel is right for you and your baby, there is no wrong or right way.
My children didn’t self soothe, and they were walking and talking before 1 years old, both extremely independent.
All children are different and they all progress differently and at different times. Don’t be pressured by anybody.
Your baby needs and loves you. You do whatever feels natural and don’t let anyone put you down or tell you, you are wrong xx
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I did this with my now almost 3-year-old and he is doing just fine! He mostly coslept until he was 2ish and nursed on demand until 22 months. We just did what felt right for us! Now he is a very independent little dude and I have seen no negative side effects from “spoiling” him😊 do what feels best for you momma
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I didnt let my baby self sooth or cry it out so i rocked her and held her until she was 8 months old. It was very difficult. I decided one day to just let her cry it out for her nap. She cried for 2 min and went to sleep! Ots definitely very hard to let them self sooth but if u dont u will have to help them sleep and so on until who knows when! As long ad they r fed clean diaper some cuddles i think its ok to let them cry. Just get a routine and schedule and that is easier for baby also. Some days r easier than others. But like u cant spoil ur baby. But letting them self soothe in the long run is better for u and baby. Good luck!
I always checked on my child to make sure they were okay while crying. If they’d been fed, they don’t have a mooshy diaper, etc. then sometimes they just cry to be whiny. I always used a bouncer or anything I could to avoid holding my kid 24/7. Of course sometimes is okay but independent children are so much easier to deal with when they’re older. Unless you want a 2 year old clinging to your heels. I would sometimes let them occupy themselves & not be so dependent on your attention ALL THE TIME.
I can careless what people say when my baby cries i pick her up don’t listen to what people say
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Hes a baby only once
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Every child is different. There are no instruction manuals handed out at birth. You do what you feel is best.
I never listened to anyone when they criticized my parenting style. We cuddled and co slept, and I would always go to her straight away when she was upset and we now have a very independent 1.5 year old. Dont listen to anyone, do what’s best for you x
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I promise you won’t be holding them as teenagers, hold that baby as long as you can. I can remember the last time I held my youngest. I put her down to never pick her up again.
I always had people telling me to do the same with my first. I didn’t listen to them. I went to her every time she cried and cuddle her every time she needed it and held her when she slept. She’s now 3 and perfect. I felt like crying it out was bad and I didn’t feel okay with it. She’s now my little side kick and I couldn’t be happier
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CIO is cruel and has been proven to cause long term damage. You run to that baby whenever you want to. They wont always want to sleep with you or want to be held. Whoever is giving you this “advice” needs to butt out and let you do what you think is best.
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You parent how you want to parent.
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- You know your child more than anyone else and you know what works for your child.
- My daughter is almost 2 and I still go to her when she’s upset. I’ve done it since she was born. When I go to her, we’ve practiced taking deep breaths together to calm down. It’s only been about a month since we’ve started that and I can see a significant change in how well she calms herself.
I might add that I’ve never bed shared. She was in her own crib from the first night she was home.
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“Appears to protect children from the effects of toxic stress”
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Not it tho say him and be the parent you k ow in your heart you should be
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Crying for a few moments is fine as long as you feel comfortable. I slept with all 3 of my babies until they were about 3 years old. I nursed when they were upset. I didn’t let them cry it out either and my oldest is independent. She will get what she needs and if she needs help she asks.
First of who told you this…and since when do adults need to do as told…make up your own mind on what works for you and baby there is more then one way to parent …
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Girl i didnt listen either when my mon told me that i now have a 5 year old who is attached to my hip and wants to ALWAYS SLEEP WITH ME STILL i take him back to his bed 10000 times a night we did it differently withmy daughter and she sleeps 10 hours a night since 6 moths when we moved her to her crib
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Babies cry for a reason. They’re not toddlers having meltdowns because they don’t get their way; when they’re young it’s because they need something. I’ve never understood the cry it out method. All my kids were held and rocked to sleep, coslept etc. They’re both independent kids but they are also very sweet and loving. They will always randomly come hug me or cuddle and say I love you and they’re 5 and 9. You won’t get this time back and this is where you create your lifelong bond with them.
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The best advice I’ve ever received was that you cannot spoil a child with love. I never used the self sooth method because it didn’t feel right to me. My 4 year old is one of the most independent kids I’ve ever seen. Don’t worry so much about what other people think, just what feels right to you. If you want to try self soothing, try it. If you don’t, then don’t. You’ll find what works best for you.
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Do what you feel you need to do. Every mother has different experiences.
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Depends how old they are, if under 3 months, i don’t really see an issue, I jumped every time my boy cried for the first few months, but he started sleeping through at 2 months old, i never let him cry it out, he started self soothing on his own, id put him down to go do something, and he’d fall asleep by the time I got back, and stopped crying for me, and was happy just chilling on his own, hes nearly 2 now, takes himself to bed every night, says night night and blows me kisses, and drifts off to sleep on his own, ive seen parents who do the cry it out method end up with super needy kids that still don’t sleep, every child is different, but its beneficial in the long run for them to be able to self soothe, wether it be for a time you can’t be there, or for daycare naps, or for when you have more kids, them being able to self soothe will make life easier on you.
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You do what you need to do for your baby. Whoever is telling you that can do what they need to do for their baby. That may be two different things and that is okay. And if whoever is giving you that advice continues to harass you with their ways I would definitely let them know that you are not interested. You do not need to deal with that.
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You cannot spoil a child. Maybe not rush immediately if they cry but at least check on them then if they continue crying pick up and comfort them. Babies can’t communicate besides crying. It does not hurt a baby to be picked up when they cry
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I never did this with my son. I couldn’t bring myself to just let him cry. If he cried I went straight to him, I let him sleep in our bed, rocked him to sleep, all of it. You do what you feel is best mama. Every baby is different and I personally feel like a lot of people, particularly professionals, forget that. Every child has their own personality and learns and does things at their own pace. You know your child better than anyone else. Parent your child and do whatever works for you and your baby.
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You do what YOU think is right!
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How old is your child?
Age is a huge factor about what is and isnt ok.
After a certain age it’s ok to not respond immediately. It’s ok if you finish rinsing the shampoo from your hair. It’s ok if you take just a couple minutes longer to get out of bed rather than hopping up immediately and sprinting to them. It’s ok if you finish the last couple bites of your meal.
Then a certain point after that…its ok to put them down and let them cry for couple minutes while you switch laundry over or get dinner started.
Some of when this is appropriate is age but also specifically your child.
Self-soothing is an important skill…and we have to give our kids the opportunity to learn it…but we need to do so at appropriate times and in appropriate ways
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I part co-slept and run to my baby everytime he cried everyone was telling me to stop and I just ignored it he wouldn’t fall asleep without being cuddled and would cry when I left the room, I now have an 8 month old who will roll away from my cuddles put his dummy in and fall asleep on his own and all of a sudden doesn’t mind when I leave the room, I’m now one sad and neglected mum:pleading_face:
Carry on doing you girl they’re not dependant for very long and in my case not long enough 
Many articles on why not self soothing or cry it out…causes alot of mental health issues babies cry for a reason if needs arent met as child its setting them up for failure as an adult
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Girl do what you feel is right and what works for you BOTH! Once your child is 10 maybe stop running to their every cry. Haha
It’s your life ur baby, do what feels right too you
Listen to yourself and no one else u know what to do there only little ounce
You do what is best for you and your child. Nobody knows your baby better than you do sweetheart. Do what suits you best xx
you’re his mama. only you knows what’s best for him. you can get all the advice in the world, but do what feels right in your own heart!!
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I cuddled my kids that are now almost 5 and 3 because they are only small for a short time. We don’t have enough bedrooms so they still sleep in our room. They are both very independent, they still come to me for comfort when they need it but now it’s me asking for hugs. Do what you feel is right. Even experts change opinions and recommendations so just follow your gut
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Do what works for you and your family. For me I responded to almost every whimper, we nursed for comfort, he slept on my chest or in mt arms and we collect until just after his 1st birthday. He is now becoming very independent but we did it all at a pace that worked for us.
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Every human has different needs. You are the mom of an amazing human. Follow your heart. Do the best you can. This little person was given to you because you were chosen.
Basically, baby has their own personality. You can’t make baby be independent. What that really is is babies who have lessened to be alone and not loved. They have emotional problems like trust issues. " learned from a young age bit to trust or rely on anybody" that’s sad. Babies just need love. They can learn about this other stuff when older
Run to that baby 
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I was told by my aunt a few years ago…“my biggest regret is not letting them [her children] sleep with her when they would ask.” If WE as adults sleep easier and feel safer with someone else there, why wouldn’t children? Our 8 yr old, 2 yr old, baby, and dog all sleep in our room lol. My husband doesn’t mind most of the time. I don’t mind at all. Babies cannot communicate their needs except by crying. If you feel you need to go them because they need you, do it. Doesn’t matter what anyone else says. You dont have to explain your parenting style to anyone nor should you feel like you need to defend it or change it.
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trust your instincts
Personally I don’t believe a baby/child will ever truly be confidently independent without having understood trust. Trust is what you teach your baby by responding to needs. Even if the need is comfort and love. Not just concrete needs like warmth, hunger and nappy changes. I find expecting a child to self soothe abnormal. Most adults don’t even know how. Probably why.
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My mom always told me that they aren’t little forever. They won’t need to be rocked or cuddled forever, enjoy it while you can. 
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The only problem I see is if you plan on putting her in daycare. Co-sleepers are very hard to put down for a nap (required by the state). No nap at daycare equals a stressed out caregiver and child. As for crying it out wait a few minutes longer each time they start to cry, and see what happens. We had 1 at daycare who would scream bloody murder but as soon as you reach for him he would stop crying. That was spoiled, there is a difference. It’s totally up to you tho, do what your comfortable with
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I still sleep in the same bed with my 2 year old. I will always respond to his cries because I want him to know he has a safe and secure place in this world. You can never spoil a child with love.
Letting your baby CIO does not create independence… well it doesn’t create healthy independence at least. Here’s a better explanation of this:
I recommend joining these groups for support:
Co-Sleeping & Attachment Parenting Support
The Beyond Sleep Training Project
Biologically Normal Infant & Toddler Sleep
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Baby will be grown in no time and want their space. Cuddle and enjoy unless you want the space and peace of course. Then do what your sanity dictates.
Kids are boring .period . Little by little you should be sitting the child in a safe space and keep doing this slowly till they don’t cry every time you put them down. Trust me your setting yourself up for a toddler who will not self sooth. Try baby Einstein YouTube. If you like your baby cuddly by all means . But I can’t stand having baby on me at all times. It takes months and months of putting your child down o get them to a point they won’t cry anymore.
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You do what you want to do. Be careful with co-sleeping, you could roll over on to the baby.
That’s so sad you’ve been told for the baby to self soothe . I have 3 kids ( all adults now ) and when they cried , I picked them up ! I never let them “ cry it out “ . I think that’s awful . If I were you , I would do what I feel called to do as a mother . Babies and kids need comfort when they are upset . Mine all turned out great !
If you don’t tend to your baby’s needs or cries the baby will learn to stop crying when it needs something because no one comes.
Run to that baby its bonding time together and for baby to build up trust and comforter.
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How old is he? Honestly there is an age and usually, you’ll be able to see it and naturally start letting him self soothe. I would run to my daughter the moment she made any noise, but now that she’s 13 months old, if she falls and it isn’t a bad fall, I don’t jump up and scoop her up.
No one knows better than you.
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Do what you feel in your heart is right!
Do what you want to do and what feels right.
I could never do that I tried. Do what you feel is best. I feel like they trust you more when they know you will be there when they cry though
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Ok one who told u this? Unless it was ur child’s dr then it’s just advice. I only let my daughter self soothe at bed time n nap time. And only for 10-20 min . Any other time if she’s crying I automatically pick her up or try to figure out why she’s crying. In my eyes the cry out method in uses other than sleep training or nap training is neglectful. Especially with kids under 2-3. If a child is crying there is a reason. Even if that reason is they’re just wanting to be held. He’ll I’m a grown ass woman n there r days I just wanna be held🤷🏼♀️ you do what YOU believe is best for YOUR child. Remember, YOU decide how u raise them. N friends n family will give u advice but u don’t need to take it.
The biggest question is, how old is the baby? Older babies should be allowed to self soothe within reason. But newer babies should not be ignored. It’s not natural or normal and can cause attachment issues. It’s important to know what is developmentally appropriate.
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When a baby cries that is how they communicate. They don’t know how to feed themselves or cook for themselves or make a bottle or change their own diaper. So I feel if a baby is crying trying to tell you something you should respond. Even if it’s just to be held for cuddles. There’s nothing wrong with that. You are the mom and it’s your baby you do what u please. As long as ur not harming anyone why does anyone care what you do to your baby?
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Sometimes babies cry because they can. If they are clean dry, fed, burped, not sick, not too hot not too cold etc etc etc then they are just crying and let me tell you something you will know if your babie wants something or is just crying because they can. Again not all babies are the same so while we all have opinions please note none of us have your baby.
So do your thing.
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Go with what works for you and your child. My son does better independently. I wasn’t ready for him to move out of our room, but he wasn’t sleeping well so it was clear he was ready even though I wasn’t. I did sleep train at about 5m when I knew he was ready (again I wasn’t but he was). The best thing about it in my opinion is that he sleeps so well now and doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night. He’s a fantastic sleeper now (22m) and is independent (but he’s also a true boy who loves his mama and would rather just be right next to me). He isn’t scarred or harmed by the sleep training and does well. If your child is under 5m old and people are telling you to ignore him then they are soooo wrong.
Additionally when sleep training I don’t ignore my child, I just wait a few mins before going back it to reassure him.
You should pick up your baby when they cry. They cry because they have no other way of communicating. But you should lay your baby, swaddled, wide away at night to go to sleep. That will teach them to go to sleep on their own. I do that with my kids and never had a problem at bedtime. But it is your baby and nobody knows your baby better than you. You do you, you’ve got this.
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I have always picked my babies up when they cry. Love and affection is one of their needs they need to know they are loved and safe and that’s what mums do!!! Trust your instinct, this is your journey and your baby, do whatever feels right for you. X
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I wont never ignore my crying baby! Everyone tells me I’m spoiling them but they want their momma for comfort and that’s what they’ll get. My baby cries for a reason, whether it be she’s hungry, needs a diaper change or just needs cuddles. They are so small and this is a big world for them with lots of new things everyday that they have to get familiar with. Babies need comfort. I will never deny my child that. I have an almost 5 year old and a almost 10 month old, and they both have mommy for every cry. I have a bond with my children. I want them to always be able to feel that they can come to me for anything. I co sleep with both of them still, its just as much comfort to them as it is me. But that is me, you gotta do what you feel is right for you and your babies. Of course people will have their opinions on your relationship with your babies, and there is nothing wrong with that, but at the end of the day, you are their mommy and you have to do what you feel is right in your heart. And I’m not judging anyone at all, every parent can do what’s best for their own babies🤗
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From experience, the sooner they are out of your bed, the better. It’s not something they grow out of. With my first, I never let him cry and because of that, he still will not sleep thru the night unless in my bed and didn’t even do that until well after 1 year. He’s now almost two and still in my bed. However, with my second child, I never let him in bed and allowed him to self sooth and he is 8 weeks and will just lay in his crib till he falls asleep for every nap and sleeps in his own bed at night only waking a few times to eat. If he is safe, it’s ok to let him cry a little bit.
Everybody’s an expert these days.
One thing I learned a long time ago is that there are just about as many ways to “parent” as there are parents out there.
Your baby/toddler/child/teen/young adult is only going to be at peace when you are. When you’re nervous, they’re nervous. When you’re frustrated, they’re frustrated. When you’re excited, they’re excited. When you’re unhappy, they’re unhappy. It’s because your child is hyper sensitive to your moods and emotions. When you feel positive and comfortable, they feel the same way. They learn from you, and model after you. If you’re a nervous wreck and unsure of yourself, and you try to force yourself to go against what comes natural to you, your child pucks up on the fact that something is not right, and it makes them uneasy.
Do what comes natural to you. Live and learn. Be happy.
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My son is 4 and the therapist has said that it is unhealthy for you and the child to neglect their neednfor comfort. I don’t do crying it out with any of my kids. They are clingy but they don’t flip when going to school. They feel security with me. When children have stress and anxiety or pain they need their mothers, there is more harm to push them away then to nurture them.
Ugh nooo mom the way you wanna mom
I want to clarify that this is my personal experience only. Other people who I know personally have allowed their babies to self soothe and it was fine. However, with my first born (I was a single mom), I literally coddled him to the fullest. He slept with me, whenever he cried I instantly did everything possible to tend to his every need, etc. He is a massive mommas boy now and he has so much respect and independence. Now that he doesnt need me, I find it to be kind of heartbreaking. However, when I had my daughter, my boyfriend at the time was overly emotionally abusive and intimidated me to a point where I feared him. Anyways, he made it clear that I was NOT to pick up my daughter when she cried and I had to let her self soothe. This was the hardest thing ever and honestly, years later, I regret it. My daughter and me dont have the bond that I want to have with her because from a young age her father made her do everything on her own and refused to allow anyone to help her. Like yes, she is super independent and while I do like that about her I hold a lot of resentment toward my now ex for this because my daughter and I really dont have a bond now and she never wants my help even when she needs help. I feel like I was completely cut out. Point being, do what your natural instinct is telling you to do!
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We never let him cry longer than 5mins at night then we pat his back until he calms back down, aaaaaand repeat. We started this at 7 months mostly to get him on a realistic schedule
I go to my baby every single time he cries. I don’t give a rats behind what other people think. My children are my world, and I can’t for the life of me listen to them cry without going to them.
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Told by whom? Sounds like a load of crap. A baby doesn’t have the ability to self soothe
Nope nope nope…your baby cries…it’s a signal…they are looking to you for help. My baby is 18 months old…she cries I respond…it’s my job…I am mama.
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