I have been with my husband for 3yrs, but married two. I have a 7yr old from a previous relationship and we also have a 2yr old together.
Our relationship has honestly never been okay. When we first started dating, I caught him talking to an ex, he told her how I trapped him by getting pregnant, I found all her nudes on his phone. I caught that all two days before our first Christmas together. I have caught (found receipts) him before going to bars while he was supposed to be at work. A month after getting married, I caught him paying chicks for nudes. He has also physically cheated on me (I caught them). He has raised his hands like he wanted to hit me, but this past February, he actually did hit me in the face. He drove drunk and high on cocaine with my oldest in the truck without me being aware… Now, he has stopped drinking, doing drugs, talking to other females and all the non sense, but here’s the problem.
I love him, but I’m no longer in love. I’m stuck right now because I just took a new job with a major pay cut because in the long run, I’ll be making way more eventually. I just hate to rip our family apart. I feel like it’ll make me look like a bad mom to my kids… I really did hope that things could one day be okay in our marriage, but I have no trust there at all, we don’t have sex (my choice) I’m physically attracted, but mentally I’m not anymore.
How do you just leave and not look back when kids are involved ??
Because nothing toxic benefits the kids. If mom isn’t mentally and emotionally happy at some point the children will be affected. Start saving and making a plan to move.
That shouldnt6be a question. Idc if he has “changed” or not. I would have left him or worse when i got my hands on him after he was done driving high as a kite a cotter brown drunk
You don’t. You can’t leave and never look back when you have kids involved. He will be in your life forever. Something made you stay with this man through a lot of combined behavior that most women wouldn’t have after one incident. If you really believe he has changed all that, maybe counseling would help the two of you build a strong relationship.
You should have never married him, especially catching him doing all this bullshit before getting married. Think of the example your setting for your children staying in a toxic environment like that? Smh. He didn’t change. This is temporary, his true colors will show again. You’ve already checked out of the relationship. Find local resources. Talk to churches. Leave.
Hes telling you you’re not enough without actually saying it… believe it & move on… if he’s saying & doing stuff to paint you as the villain in the relationship he obviously isn’t committed to…
How could you not with kids involved get past you and think about them the right choices get the hell out of there and never look in the rearview mirror
Trust is earned not given…HE needs to show YOU
Question,are YOU happy??
Yes you can seek council…Pray ask GOD to show you what to do…
Go with your heart not your head…
I mean you don’t… you have kids so looking back will be a thing however how can you stay with the kids knowing the damage he’s causing all of you… bring the kids to better places they will adapt I have autistic child and one suspected of and a little guy and they are adapting even special needs kids can adapt it’s hard I know I’ve left their father 2 years ago and jumped into an abusive relationship now I’m moving heaven and earth to get out and the oldest doesn’t understand why we are leaving the abuser I managed to protect her enough that what she has seen she doesn’t want to accept as abuse …
GIRL, know your worth, your definitely worthy of loyal honest love. Let your kids see the struggle and love and when time s get tough you love on then. My kids are almost grown with exception to my 4 yr old. My boys know my struggles and what I went thru to keep them with me. Pack your clothes and move on. You will struggle but there are programs available. It’s only when your flat on your face will you climb back up stronger. Do it for your kids and you. Leave Now
Myself I just picturedthe future walking into one of my kids houses and seeing what they grew up to.be acceptable and have to sit down and keep quiet because I didn’t teach them any better by keeping their old man around. So 11 years later the kids have all thanked me and i know I did it very late but atleast I did it.
U just leave smh your post comes off very nonchalant i didnt even get half way thru and red flags were flying and u obviously see them and already know what you should do for yourself for your kids so do it.
If he hit you once he will again. Is this the kind of relationship you want to show your kid? No one… has the right to hit you. EVER! Run n take your kids with you. Go to a shelter or friends place anyplace but where you are.
Find yourself a place you and the kids can go and take essentials x anything else can be sorted after x domestic violence helpline is amazing and can help you put things into place xx
You remind yourself that having children with someone, does not mean you have to be with that person. No one deserves the shit you’ve been through. I can’t criticize though, because I’ve been there. Been with a man that treated me and my children like shit and stayed because I had it set in my mind that eventually, I could change him. I was seriously wrong. And once stuff like lying, cheating and abuse is done, it’s impossible to recover from it. Leaving and taking those kids won’t bother him one bit. He will say it does, he will blame you for breaking up the family, but in reality, he doesn’t love you (if he did, another woman would have never even crossed his mind) and he doesn’t love those kids (if he did, he wouldn’t put them in harms way).
So, you have two choices. You stay, and live the life you’ve been living, having him set the example for your children. Or, you leave, find your own happiness and peace and set a better example for your children.
He will blame you. It’s called gaslighting. If he cares at all, he will co-parent with you and each of you will go on with your lives, separately.
You’re not thinking about your kids. You think you are but no. Do you want them to raised with a happy you or a you that thinks shes doing right by sacrificing her happiness? Your relationship with your husband sounds over. Sorry. But quit prolonging it. Hes a cheater and doesnt want you. If there was want and love there, cheating and nudes would never happen. You dont have to call it leaving him or breaking up your family. You gotta do what’s best for you so you can do what’s best for your kids.
You should have left after he got u pregnant and went complaining to his ex… I can’t believe you stayed through all that he had your child in a car that would have killed him… If you loved your child you would have taken him out of that situation right then and there.
My first marriage was bad. I wanted to stay to keep our family together. I was talking to a friend and she said to me ‘when the sound of his voice makes you sick to your stomach, you’ll go. There will be a point where you won’t want to stay’
As far as keeping your family together, I get it but our kids know when we aren’t happy. They feel that something is off. Kids are much better off with a happy mom and dad even if it’s in two separate homes. Teach them to be happy, not stuck. There are ways out. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
That story sounds like mine but we were together 12 years I have a severely autistic child not wh him and I divorced him 5 years ago except he never changed I was just stupid u can do it if I can dont waste a decade like I did being miserable girl there are bigger and better things out there I’m now engaged to the most wonderful man in the world who shows me love and loyalty I thought only existed in hallmark movies, you got this
You dont. You’ll always have contact through your children and that has to be civil
Try to part on good terms and both of you do whats right by your kids…they dont benefit in any way by unhappy parents staying together but they can adjust well to parents separating as long as both are behaving like reasonable adults and they know both parents love them.
I didn’t leave til mine hit me in front of our son. I should have left LONG before then, but my loyalty overrode my common sense for so long. Your children need to know it is NOT ok for their dad to hit mom, and I absolutely refused to raise my son in that environment. Here it is 2 years later and still the best decision I ever made was to leave.
As a woman at same place you just get up and leave why would you make yourself unhappy just because you’re scared things work out I had three kids left for just a car and things worked out I’m a better person I love my kids we share the kids he and I are friends and that is it you need to love yourself so that way you can love your kids you need to leave this toxic relationship he doesn’t love you the way you love him and that sad stop being scared and make yourself happy the kids will be fine
Never give excuses because of the kids, unhealthy marriage, you let him slip and slide he did. You should have left him long ago. From the the start, you can still raise kids in different home’s. Don’t put up with this crap.
You teach your children that staying in a bad marriage is not healthy for anyone. Teach your children to find a partner and someone that loves as much as they love and not settle. Broken homes aren’t always divorced, and staying in loveless marriage “for the kids” does more harm than good more often than not.
You don’t want to look like a bad mom to your kids, for leaving?? That’s absurd!! Honestly, and I mean this with the most love for you as possible, you will look like a worse mom for staying! Whatever opinion your kids have regarding your relationship with this man, is ultimately irrelevant, however. You can take your kids to the dentist for treatment, and they’ll think you’re a bad mom. But doing what needs to be done for their well being is far more important than their opinion of it, or you.
You are in a way better position than many women here. You have a job, you have the ability to pack up and leave. Do it. Now! For your kids and for yourself.
You save up money in a separate account you tell him nothing about and just go. File for custody of the kids and for a divorce. He can always start cheating, doing drugs again, or abusing you again. Time to go.
It is never the right solution to stay in a marriage because if the children. Kids are so smart. They know what’s going on anyway. I’m sorry you are in this situation, but you need to make a choice. You have caught him, and what more do you need. My theory is once a cheater, always a cheater.
Don’t stay in a shitty relationship for the kids. That never works and it’s showing your kids how and what they should look for in a relationship/marriage and treat someone they should love unconditionally. I’d have left and annulled the marriage after his first choice of picking and looking at his ex’s nudes and all that other shady things he did.
Honey your excepting this behavior so why ask us if it ok or what you should do if you dont know your worth who else will this sound hash you need to wake up before you cant wake up your leaveing kid hang in the balance what do you think they will go through with out you you aollow this to go on it your fault I know it hard I’ve other womew go throw this but it better to be alone then go through this crap God doent bring a good man in to a bad relationship think about it honey life to short to just hang in one bad stop
It’s only been 3 years and all of this?! This is WHO HE IS. My advice is to remain calm and make your plans! Open a separate bank account and start setting aside some money just in case. Then you take your children and leave. If you have to live in a small place for awhile just do it. Do not waste annnnny more of your life living like this. And this is what your children are seeing as being an acceptable way to be a family member and parent. I would move and file for divorce and child custody and support immediately. Or as soon as is feasible. I can tell you - will pretty much certainty - the feelings you have won’t change. You will just continue to build this resentment. He literally went against the most important bond and foundation that holds your family together. You do t want to look back in 15 years and realize you wasted all that time. You deserve to be happy, supported, and respected.
There’s so much out there for women, look into state resources for abused women. Get out, it’s not healthy. My friend started over she left the state. They found her housing and school, a job. Find out what your state, or women shelters can do
You tell him now you’re the one that feels trapped now, and you’re doing what he didn’t have the balls to do. You want your children to be able to walk away from bad relationships. This is a great first lesson. Keep that in the front of your mind and it’ll make it a little easier.
Listen Sis!
Your more of a private investigator then a wife, he has put his habits before you & your family.
You won’t look like a bad mom for leaving, in this situation I applaud you walking away & if people don’t its not they’re situation so leave them to talking.
Do whats best for your family & your sanity.
People can love you right & this ain’t your husband.
Just bc he stopped doing those doesn’t immediately replace the hurt and abuse you’ve endured. Get your ducks in a row. Leave and get into therapy bc this takes a toll not to mention figure out why you stayed through all of it and your oldest may need therapy for things she witnessed. If insist he work programs for alcoholism and drugs if he’s serious about being off them. Just for your youngest sake bc he’s prob getting visitation.
You force yourself too. Yeah it’s gonna hurt for a while but don’t waste anymore time. This is your life. You’re not getting those years you’ve already spent back. If you stay you’re just going to end up really bitter and hateful and that’s worse for your children than you two splitting up.
Lots of us have left with kids involved. It’s not easy but your kids deserve a happy mum. You can only rear them properly while in a happy home. Be courageous and do the right thing for you and your children.
You just plan and move yourself and the kids. I mean you’re not even in love with him anymore…he has done so much In the past it’s no wonder you don’t love him. It will only get worse.
Do just that… leave and don’t look back. You have already overstayed your welcome, you stayed so long that you lost feelings for him. He chose to break up the family, not you. Here’s some hope: I packed up 2 suitcases and 3 carry ons and my 2 kids and flew to my dad in New Jersey leaving all I’ve ever known in Louisiana 2 1/2 years ago with nothing but our clothes and shoes. I had to start over at age 24. I enrolled into college 3 months after moving here, enrolled my kids into school/daycare, and they put me on all the assistance I could get. This May I will be graduating college as an Echocardiographer. I have plans to pay off all my student debt, get a new vehicle, our own place, and save so we can return to our family in the South but bigger and better! You can do it!
You do not want your kids to group up thinking that mess is ok. I can only imagine the home environment. You do not want to mess your kids up by staying.
He has now hit you in the face …
He isn’t playing
It gets deadly as time goes by. Your child is in IMMEDIATE DANGER
GO when he ISN’T HOME.
POLICE WILL HELP YOU
OUT.
Once a person starts using cocaine they hardly ever completely quit. They just hide it well. The anger and hitting you will eventually get worst if he is angered. Protect your kids and you and move on. Someone will make you lots happier and treat and show your kids how to treat a person the right way
Speak to a lawyer or Legal Aid for advice first and then leave with the children. Why are you so afraid of breaking up the family? He did that when he cheated. Put yourself and your children first. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Don’t settle for less.
Common Sense would tell you he ain’t into you, and you should have never married him. Marriage should have been a null. You made your bed, now lay in it or get out. He will never be faithful to you.
Your kids watching him treat you badly, and seeing you sad and depressed all the time, is worse than them seeing you take a stand and making sure you’re safe and sane by leaving him. Kids are very observant, and tend to understand more than you’d think.
You leave because that is the best thing for your kids…don’t show your kids that you accept being treated this way…get out find someone that respects you
He’s cheated on you multiple times and you still married him. He put your child
In danger and you still didn’t leave him. He has hit you. And you still haven’t left him. You need to put your kids first and leave that man.
Make your move. You don’t want to raise your kids on “dysfunction junction”. Also, anyone who would put your child in that kind of situation has no respect for you or said child.
I’m just wondering why you married a man if he cheated on you beforehand. Even if it wasn’t physical, he still cheated. You just leave. You’ll miss him for a little while but you’ll see how much better you feel after being away from him for a while and you’ll stop missing him and you’ll move on with your life.
You need to live yourself and your children more than you love him.
Get out before his advise(any kind) escalates and the children witness it.
That’s NOT how you want to raise children.
