I’m a mommy who is stressed to the max… ok over the max… I hate venting but I think I need to vent and then get some advice. sorry If this is really long. I have an 18 month old. Her daddy and I live together and are in a relationship. Ever since she was born he hasn’t done anything to help out unless asked to or told to. It’s super stressful because I have sacrificed my job, mental and physical health, and MY money for our child. I have to ask him if he can buy stuff for us and he gets a little pissy about it. Now that I have a good paying job, I was doing work from home and delivery jobs for the first 15months of our child’s life to be with her, I have to pay for daycare which is more money out of my pocket but the job helps pay the outrageous amount it costs for daycare per week. I also must say I get paid weekly from my job but I’m still living paycheck to paycheck and he is sitting comfortably with a minimum of $400 in his account every week. We are getting ready to move into our new townhouse next week and of course I had to get everything setup. I called to get the water, electric, and did the uhaul. I packed 90%of everything up with his 10%of help after being told we are packing because I’m not doing it all myself and getting mad at him. He doesn’t help out around the house either unless told to do something and then he huffy and puffs about it. He even told me that when me move it better be on a day he has off because he isn’t going to go to work and then come home and do more work. That made me mad and I told him well I go to work come home and take care of our kid, clean, make food, and still have time to dick around on my phone before bedtime. All he wants to do is watch his stupid YouTube videos. It’s quite annoying and I have told him I wish his phone breaks. He just rolls his eyes when I say that and then sooner or later turns off his phone And pays attention to his surroundings. My whole thing is I should not have to ask you To help out. You you should just automatically know that I need help if that means putting our child to bed holding the bottle for her because she is a pampered princess and won’t do it herself do-it-yourself or even send hoping feed her For dinner we’re getting her clothes out for the next day just some sort of help so I’m not doing everything on top of everything I need to do for me. Even help pay for stuff and don’t ask me Hey do you want me to pay for this because you know I’m gonna tell you no I’m gonna tell you no because I don’t want to hear your attitude. Just get your card out and pay for it don’t ask me if you want to pay for it then pay for it. Honestly is that too much to ask that too much to ask? Am I being too unreasonable? Is there any way or any advice on how to get this through his head that I am not a single mother Even though I pretty much am with Him still being there. Because that’s what I feel like I feel like I am a single mom and he is just there To be there he doesn’t take any pictures he doesn’t do really much anything and I get he is a first time dad but I’m a first time mom 1st time mom I don’t have PTO have PTO at work because I’m still at my probationary. My probationary. So I sacrifice my money for our child if she is sick or she has an appointment it’s on me Not him. I’m to the point of if he doesn’t shape up within this lease that we have then I’m taking our child and actually going to be a single mom on my own. Please help because I just don’t even know anymore.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Just needing to vent about my relationship: Am I in the wrong?
Take him for child support. Move on.
Your acting like a single mum even with him around cut him loose
People won’t change unless they want too. And they usually don’t change unless they are dumped/get rid of partner or when they try to impress the next “catch”.
Stand your ground and tell him straight up “your not moving in with me”. Then just move out.
You are the mother of two
It sounds to me u are a single mum that is very unhappy so go be on your own and take him for child support
Leave this man. Like you said you basically a single mom anyways. If you decide to leave him tho go file child support against him and give them his job info etc then go to court and file for custody.
You’re not going to change him. He knows he doesn’t help with sh*t. But it stressing you out is only causing bad vibes in your home. If you are struggling for money take him to child support and be happy with you and your child. Children pick up of the negativity!
He should help with all costs related to your child, including child care.
Many men expect mothers to handle all of the daily chores, because their mothers did. Time for a serious talk, likely with a male couples therapist. He needs to hear it from a man.
Sounds like you already have a plan He is not going to change save money and do legally what you have too.
you’re already doing it ALL. 
cut the dead weight. he isnt going to change 
GOOD LUCK
You sound like you are unhappy with him and don’t like him one bit.
Separate. Work out the child support and a visitation schedule, if you can. Put it in writing. Get it notarized.
And get on with your lives.
I wish you all well.
I feel as thought I could have written this post myself. I feel you and you aren’t alone. No advice but best of luck.
You are a single parent already.He doesn’t want to stop being selfish and be right. Maybe he never will but it’s his lost. He’s an anchor. Free yourself now Mama. Believe me you can do it. You will be soo happy and free I wish I had done it sooner I wasted 15 years I cant get back my youth I’m 42 now. Don’t waste another day. I’m soo mad hearing about your guys laziness because my guy packed and moved an entire house with 5 kids on his own!! Your guys truly low he don’t deserve another day of you… Please don’t move with him.
Just pack yours and the babies things and leave what is his. Go and be happy .
You are a single Mother of 2 children
You dont have a partner… you have a teenage boy and a baby. You are a single mom of 2.
Leave the dead weight.
File for child support.
DO NOT GO BACK TO THE LOSER.
You are a hard working woman trust me you will be happy alone!!! Good luck only you know when you have had enough. God bless you and your baby girl.
You need to ask yourself, why you are with him? And for the sake of your child , watching this behaviour , is going to set up what she thinks is normal behaviour with in a household. Also a happy mum = happy child , and same with a father. Do what is best and right for you and your child
Leeaaaavvveeee hiiiiiim! He’s your second child. Been there, done that girl.
Sounds like yr a single mom but still in a relationship… let him keep his 10%… he is holding u back from being great because he doesn’t wanna help n be great with u. He has had plenty of time to get himself right. New home for u should mean new life too!!
tell the deadbeat to get lost and take him to court to pay child support. That’s the only way you’ll get money from this loser. Cut your ties with him now, he’ll never change.
Know your feeling to a certain point.
And your going to continue in this relationship knowing he’s useless as tits on a bull? Insanity!!
Why even sign a lease with him. Get the heck away from him! He’s a selfish person. You and your child deserve better.
He’s a selfish manchild. You’re not wrong at all. He needs to grow tf up.
Leave…he will not be the person or daddy you want.
If you ain’t happy and he is making no efforts to change…move in…he is excess baggage and dies not seem committed. He should be happy to help with everything!!! Tell him, I need you to do this. I need you to pay this. I need you to pick up this. you are not alone man band. A partnership is give and take. If he loves you he will step.up!!
You shouldn’t have to ask for anything…period!
Dogs don’t change there spots so it’s on you if you want to live that way he needs to grow a pair!
Sounds like he just wants to work away from you and the child,and get paid little money. You are trapping yourself with this townhouse move ! Think about when the child sees this toxicity! I would get out now!
Everything you just typed out you need to say to him. When he asks if you need him to pay, the answer is yes. Stop doing everything and being upset that you’re doing everything. Split the bills including her day care. Split up the house chores. Tell him what you need him to do and if he gets upset tell him he’s either gonna be a parent or a kid. A parent gets to be an adult and stay. A kid has to go home to momma and stop playing house.
Moving in may not be the best choice right now. If you are already doing it all… why include him… take care of you and your baby until you meet a king!
Why these ladies keep popping puppies with these dogs, I’ll never understand. Go to court, get child support and wait for someone who makes a commitment to love and care for you.
To be honest. As someone who’s partner was like this, qnd it turnt domestic, and I got away and stupidly let him back in my life and now on my 5th day trying to piece myself back together after he done some unthinkable stuff. I’d say get out earlier rather than later. It’s so much better being an actual single mum and not cleaning up after a grown child or having arguments that aren’t needed in life. Much better just being single and letting dad have visitations however it works for you. Before we did weekends this time round it’s contact centre. If I had just left when I knew I should have and stayed that way it wouldn’t have added so much heartbreak xx
I’m going to take a different view, I think you need to sit down and explain your expectations. A lot of what you said is “I shouldn’t have to tell him, he should know”.
Men are stupid and don’t know what we want unless we set very specific expectations. Before running for the hills, maybe try “hey, the daycare bill is x amount, your half is Y”.
Or “hey, while I’m cooking dinner, can you get the babys bag together for tomorrow”.
Or “can you get this tab since I paid for the last one.”
NEVER SETTLE. A real man would do everything you’re asking and more. My husband even remembers to pick up pads before I even start cramping, he starts my morning coffee before I’m even out of bed. A real man that WANTS a family and to be a family will do whatever work is required. This child is holding you back from the man you should be with. Cut your ties and leave now and know you’re worth more than what he has to offer. You and your child deserve a man that’ll help, clean, cook, work, bathe the kids, all that good stuff.
You’re a single mom to two children one just happens to be an adult man baby who helped create your real baby. I’d tell him this is what is expected of you bc you are the other parent or you can get out an you’ll pay child support simple as that. You just have to tell him you’re sick of his crap and that you will not except anything less than what you expect him to help with an actually do. Unfortunately he sounds like a child and you don’t need that. Send him back to his mother so she can take care of him instead.
1st thing is move the leech out, go down to court house file for child support, you are already doing things alone so with him being gone you would have one less mouth to feed. Half of the laundry to do. The child support would help pay child care fees. You would be less stressed, and possibly extra money as maybe you could hire a household helper a few hours each week or so. Good luck, but you have to take the proverbial “bull by the horns” and do it
Why are you still with him? He’s using you.
You shouldn’t have moved in with him or bought a new house. Hopefully it’s a rental and he’s not in the lease or you can get out of it. He’s not changing… trust me
If you feel this way then you shouldn’t have your name on the lease if you choose to move out and be a single parent
DO IT! My daughter just went through this bs! When the lease is up don’t tell him shit and leave! You are ALREADY doing it on your own. You’ll meet someone one day who won’t make you feel alone in everything. Until then do for you and your baby!
Talk with him in what you and the baby need, and if he can’t do it and your still doing it by yourself then make changes. But men don’t know what we need unless we tell them. He may be feeling the same but about different things. You have to communicate with each other. Don’t assume. If things don’t change do you why you must for you and your child.
I had same issues but I was a stay at home mom. It took me to tell him that I needed him to step up and help. Talk to him and hopefully it helps if not do what you need to do for you and your little
You have two children to take care of, one’s much smaller than the other.
Get a real man who will step up
People only get away with what you let them get away with. Crack that whip and divide all house hold and day to day expenses down the middle. Give him that bill every month. No pay, No stay!!!
Write out all the bills. Then split. He either pays half or you kick him out.
It sounds like it would be easier to just have him pay child support than keep on the way you are. At the moment you’re looking after you, a baby and a man-child. You didn’t give birth to the man-child or sign any adoption papers, so you’re not his mother.
Honestly you are a single mom! I would talk to him. Let him know these are our child’s expenses & need to pay half. He works full time & you work full time, he needs to do half of the chores in/ around the house. These are the household expenses he needs to pay half. If he can’t/won’t without throwing additude he needs to go. Make sure you can cover the new place by yourself because your doing it by yourself anyway.
He sounds useless. I’d tell him to either step it up or get out. Personally, my life is much easier as a single mother.
The problem is some people see stuff that need to be done around the house as work and it is not. It’s simply things that needs to be completed then relaxe because if it’s not then neither gets to relaxe and it’s unfair and builds resentment and stress. For financial over the baby talk to him of contributing more or set up an account for things needed for the little one. I for one see a lot of red flags so make sure this is really what you want. Be over stress & constantly fighting won’t be good for your toddler. Wishing you best of luck.
I went through the same thing with my daughter’s father. I have since move into my own place and am still working on getting my life together. But honestly as hard as it is doing everything myself it was 10x harder when I was with my ex. Asking someone to step up and be an adult or parent isn’t your job when you have an actual child to think of. They are aware that you step up and cover your butt plus everyone else’s. If talking to him doesn’t help or light a fire under him then move out. You already take care of everything having one less human to be concerned with will be less stressful in the long run.
I’m sorry to say but you are a single parent. Get rid of the dead weight on your back. You need peace in your life in order to raise a happy and mentally healthy child. Good luck to you.
When the bills(daycare included) come in, hand them to him and tell him you need his half. Tell him he’s lacking and need to step up and ignore his attitude.
I’d straight up tell him either you start doing your part or get out. And mean it!
Leave him and get child support.
Lol move out, give him 30/70 custody and make him pay child support. Or just straight up sue him for half of the cost.
Stop being a doormat. Give him option. Either he is in or out!
By allowing the condition to remain you are teaching your child that when they are grown that this is how they should be.
Do not put your name on a lease with him ever. And he will never change. Be your own single person mom. It will be for the best
Get your own place. He won’t change and you are wasting your time
What would you do if it was your child in this situation? What would your advice be? It’s not going to get any better and what happens when you have another child (if you chose to)? He’s not a first time dad, dad’s actually are involved with their children, he’s a first time sperm donor and if you’re doing everything on your own anyways, then leave. I get how hard it is to walk away from someone who doesn’t help raise your child because you don’t want them alone with your child, but then think about that? You don’t want to leave someone you don’t trust to take care of your child. Find better.
Some men have no idea what needs to be done around a house because they were never part of it growing up. You can’t expect him to drop everything when you need it done without an attitude. Start with a talk about as parents we need to work as a team, give him a list, these are the things I need your help with daily, weekly, etc. I need your help with this makes him part of the team, the list lets him get it done on his own time within your time frame. Make it small, not overwhelming, things that help you, vacuum, put away the dishes, getting the clothes out, reading and playing with the baby to give you free time, picking things up at the store on his way home. Tell him how over whelming it is for you doing this all on your own and how important his help is. Thank him for his help and remind him how this all helps the two of you. According to my husband he’s trainable because this advice came from him, if they have no experience with this growing up it’s all new and foreign to them. My hubby was raised by a single mom who had medial issues before she passed when he was 13, he knew what needed to be done because he did it growing up. Don’t right him off yet, think of it more like some men need to be taught what needs to be done not told what needs to be done.
Maybe you could make assignments for him like he buys all the supplies and you put them away, or you buy the supplies and he puts them away stuff like that and maybe three or four times a week he takes the child by himself for an hour or so to give you some free time maybe to get a pedicure or a massage. Maybe it will be easier for him if he knows exactly what there is to do. Tell him that you guys are a team. 
Sounds like you have a full grown child. It’s up to you what you put up with
He needs to move back in with his mother ? Who’s harder to take care of your kid or your “ man” if you don’t leave this piece of shit. Your load will be lifted 10 fold once you know your worth & leave. Also make sure you file for that child support ASAP. So you can have that comfortable $400 instead 
Get rid of the dirt bag!!!
Welcome to motherhood. How old are you both? Some Men need to be asked/ told. How was he brought up? Did his mom do everything for him too?
This sounds like it’s all coming from you feeling unappreciated, exhausted, and overwhelmed. You’re upset because he has money in his account, he’s supposed to in case money comes up short. You’re upset because he can’t read your mind but you expect him to. Ask him for help so he knows what your needs are.
And ur daughter is a pampered princess?
Why would you get a new place with him if doesn’t do anything now?
Honey you have two kids. Let go of the first one and focus on the second. Pack your stuff and move without him.
You feelings are valid. However, I feel like he maybe like this because you allowed it for so long before getting upset. It’s impossible for someone to “just know” what you want. That is unreasonable. He should be helping you physically and financially. I think there’s a lot of miscommunication here in my opinion. I would suggest getting a babysitter or putting the baby to bed and have a long hard conversation with him. Explain what you want, need, expect and have him do the same. I would Insist you both write them down and compare notes. Tell him what 100% must be done by him and you both compromise on other stuff. If either of you don’t follow the guidelines you make together make it clear the relationship will be over. I’m assuming you still want to be with him because you’re moving in together to a new home again. Good luck mama 
ounds to me that you have a second child and maybe its time to open your eyes.
It sounds to me like you’ve answered your own question. If he doesn’t shape up and makes you live like a single mother, you might as well be one. It sure sounds like he wants to be a single man… doesn’t want to do anything around the house, you ask him and he gets all bent out of shape… kick him to the curb. Bond with your child and the two of you go it alone.
Why are you with him? Don’t have anymore babies with him a d might as well be on your own
Sounds to me that your raising a second child and if it were me I’d open those eyes wide. If he doesn’t man up now , he never will and it will only get worse as your daughter gets older .
Get out. He sounds like a useless pos and you’re allowing him to take advantage of you so he’s going to keep expecting it. Don’t let him move with you, eff that.
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Well time to make up your mind before you move if he’s not going to change !are you going to carry on like this ? The ball is in your court you know what he’s like is this what you really want put your baby and yourself first what’s best for you !!! I didn’t think he will change as you keep putting up with it get the new place in your name if he doesn’t change kick him to the curb
Leave your don’t need a bum like that
Reread what you wrote! You are already a single mom. He sounds mature than your child. I suggest doing that now. A grown-ass man doesn’t need to be told, let alone watch you struggle and still NOT HELP. Rethink this whole arrangement and go file to get child support. The he’ll have to pay a certain amount. Hope you leave and start a new life without him.
Stop doing everything. Stop washing his clothes. His dishes. Stop cooking his food. Tell him straight up. You’re a grown man. I shouldn’t be doing it all. If you want clean clothes wash a load. Trust me . He will either start washing his clothes or go naked.
Doesn’t sound like you have a partner at all. Are you sure you want to move in with someone who cares so little about his partner and child?
I wouldn’t even enter a new lease with him! You’ve been enduring this for that long, he’s obviously a selfish person because not one time during your venting did you mention a SINGLE positive thing about your partner! That should speak volumes to you.
I’m so sorry! Men are clueless as to what it means to be a father and spouse! I’d sit him down and tell him that you want to talk to him and really listen. Put your cards on the table! If you’re a “couple or in a living relationship” then it’s everyone’s money! Pay the bills with both incomes together! Take an “allowance” for each other, the rest is household money. Tell him to help with your child and household duties as well! As of now, you’re a single mom and if his behavior is going to continue, you’re going to be a SINGLE MOTHER! You did not conceive this child alone and it takes 2 ppl to care for a child as well a FAMILY! Basically, get your shot together or pack your shit and get out! Good luck!
Why wait? Sounds like your already doing it on your own. Take his name off the lease and drop the head ach. Life is way to short to live like this, especially if you know you deserve better.
Ok…. This is coming from experience with a situation almost like yours. It will NOT get better. How long did you two days before having a child? This plays a factor, trust me.
IF you cannot pay the rent at the townhouse alone, moving is a mistake. Have a backup plan!! Have a family member that is willing to let you stay with them for a smaller rent payment and stack your money like crazy IF things fall apart. You have to plan your life without him. Period. If things improve… great! You will have a financial plan set up to save money to buy a home of some sort. If things don’t plan out you have a backup plan and some HELP with the baby. You can get assistance for daycare that helps offset the cost. Utilize all the programs set up to help people improve their circumstances! Schooling of some sort for a degree or certification. Diversify your income if possible. Make a plan and work that plan. Again, make that plan without his contribution and if he steps up, cool! If not, you got it handled. 
get on some dang good birth control so an oopsie doesn’t happen right now.
It might be a good idea to find some work from home options for days off and part time after your regular job. If making deliveries made easy money then consider jumping into that full time and save save save. Many people aren’t taught how to save properly, many people will be willing to help look over your expenses and find where you can cut corners and save. 
I’m one of them if you want or need me to. I’ll give you some harsh truths and that sometimes doesn’t sit well with some people when I do this for them BUT in the end they thank me for being real ans honest and helping them out of a rut:grin: you need a tribe of women if all ages and backgrounds as a support system women who are struggling, have struggled, never struggled, financially stable, older women, younger women… take all the advice, write it ALL down and use what feels right for you. Surround yourself with love and light and people who aren’t going to cater to your feelings when asking for advice… you need someone to tell you how it is as you navigate this crazy society.
Hit me up if you need to vent and want some support and advice I may be slow responding at first or at times… I have two kids and clearing out things that are my fathers who passed away:grin: but I’m here for ANYONE who wants to inbox me… just tell me what group you are in and hit me with the issue I’m
Here
You are a single mother and the sooner you realize that the better off you’ll be stop wasting your time and money trying to make a man do what he knows he should do when it comes to taking care of and loving his daughter and you. First time parents or not most of what you had to say about him is straight BS and has nothing to do with the fact that he’s a first-time parent, it’s just who he is and when someone shows you who they are you should believe them. Out of respect for yourself you should be ending this relationship and moving into your own place with your daughter and getting things set up properly through a custody agreement for visitation support etc.
I have to say LEAVE. I divorced someone like this. It was easier to be a single mom of a child than to be a single mom with a child and a grown adult who thinks they’re still a child. Also, he will have to pay for half of daycare and child support if you leave
How you tolerated him this long is amazing ! I would have kicked his ass to the curb already, that’s my advise… you don’t need another child to take care of, he needs to man tf up like yesterday or dump his ass… not cool you shouldn’t have to deal with that
I think you already now the answer to your predicament. Kick his butt to the curb and file for child support. Why would you want to raise you child in a situation where you already know isn’t a good one?
Leave him with her for a day
And hopefully, he will understand that you need consistency with everything remaining to a family that works together
What a small, petty, selfish, man baby.
I lived this for 20+ years. Don’t be like me. Being a single mom is so much better than being in a relationship where you feel like a single parent.
Get out of this disastrous, one sided relationship. He is obviously irresponsible. Trust me, it will only get worse. Go to a lawyer and arrange for child support in the form of a Court Order. If you don’t, even if he promises to help financially, sooner or later he’ll walk and leave you carrying the whole load alone. A Court Order can attach his wages which will probably be necessary because I predict he’ll give you nothing without it.
If you’re paying for it all and taking care of it all then you don’t need him around. Do you really need that extra attitude and stress around? Get something smaller and cheaper for you and your kid and make him get up and get his own. He won’t have as much time to sit around. Get a custody agreement in place. He will not change and you’ll be raising two kids.