Just needing to vent

He has no respect for you or the kids.

You can show him a budget of hours and include childcare. Show how much you’d make an hour in your field in median range for 40 hours a week and find your take home pay. Then find out how much childcare would be for your area for the amount of children you have. I did the math for mine at $17/hr and 3 children, 2 with special needs and I’d be paying $25 a week to the job to work (so -$25 in the red). That’s factoring in travel expenses. That’s why I’m a stay at home mom that babysits.

I think you need to evaluate your position. It sucks, and maybe he didn’t intend for it to come out harshly. It was an idiotic comment, and you staying home saves a lot of money towards daycare, and with you watching them, it’s better than people you think you’ve known, or complete strangers. Who knows what would happen with them. Depending on the hours worked, daycare would likely cost as much as you made.

Here is what you need to evaluate. Are you otherwise happy with him? Still attracted to him? Is there some sort of struggle, possibly financially that he’s currently depressed with? Maybe try counciling first. If you’re completely disgusted, he treats the kids like crap, he’s physically or otherwise emotionally abusive, then I would leave. If it’s something that you don’t think would be salvaged, cut ties and do what you need for yourself, and your children. It’s better to be happy alone, than to be belittled, abused, and unhappy. But, only you can really determine that. Do what’s best for you and your kids, regardless whether it’s staying or leaving. You have to be happy for yourself, and only you will know how you feel, truly, deep down. Good luck, and I wish you well for whichever option you pursue.

Being a parent is a full time job, maybe he can pay for a nanny, see how much it costs, he will hate it

He is ungrateful and needs to realize what you do. You need to sit him down and breakdown the costs of everything you do. FYI, you should have a contingency fund for emergencies (nobody wants to think the worst will happen w/their relationship) but be prepared as much as you can. Make sure you know what money is where, what accounts are where. That being sad, you may just be going through a rough spot, but make sure you know all about your finances.

Figure out day care costs in your area and let him decide if he wants to spend that amount vs having you at home taking care of the house and kids, etc.

Put the ball in his court.

Go back to work and let him figure out how you are going to pay these outrageous child care prices, maybe then he will learn his lesson. However some men are just who they are, this sounds like hes pretty toxic and like you deal with much more im sure. Talk it out, if you can’t come to a compromise and hes not willing to help or see it for what it is then weigh your options… KNOW YOUR WORTH!!

I was a single parent with my oldest for 6 years, no help from anyone including family. I still managed a place of my own, afull time job and obtaining 2 bachelors degrees without a car… walking & riding the bus rain or shine for a year but we did it!! Don’t ever EVER think being a single parent is “too hard to manage”, its whatever you put your mind too. A toxic relationship where you are belittled isn’t worth staying for, it teaches your children bad behavior from both parents!

Then go get a job and he can pay for half the child care and he will have to travel less to pick up more of the responsibility for his children

Leave his sorry behind! Trust me, when he has the kids, alone, he will wake up!

100% of humans are assholes… my hubby and I went through a season where he paid me to care for the kids so he didn’t have to. Yes we lived as roommates more than the married life during that time. It sucked in massive ways. We both learned we want more in life and we can choose to love eachother or ignore each others needs.
We have to choose our “hard” each day.
Perception change through our feelings.
I’m sure he is feeling like he isn’t enough for you and your kids. Leaving you with the burden of emotional load he put on you. He’s wrong for doing that. Keep in mind you don’t have to carry it just cause he’s trying to hand it over.

Wtf maybe he was just mad. But still not cool. My man worked 6 months on and 6 months off concrete in another state. I didn’t work. For two years he did this. This year we decided he would take a year off. So now I’m working 40hrs a week & he stays home with the kids. He still finds ways to make money tho. I would try to talk to him. How can u work when he is gone?

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Get a quote forcdaycare for each child and this should keep him quiet

Shoot I got told that even when I was working two jobs and cooking, cleaning, paying daycare, paying bills, and doing as much as I could for and with the kids. Then even more when I stopped working for a while after having our daughter. I left when I was four months pregnant with our twins. If he tells you this now… No matter what you do, it’ll never be enough. Trust me…

Don’t clean or do anything the day before he comes home. Let him see what you actually do at home. Remind him if it wasn’t for you he would come home to a disaster and no food or clean clothes :woman_shrugging:

Don’t contribute? Raising kids is a bigger contribution than any paying job. I’d be having a serious conversation about this.

He wouldn’t be able to do what he does without you. This is what team work is.

I would call three daycares and get prices on what it would cost to send the kids there. Then I would sit down and tell him that. Like I can go back to work full time and then we have to figure out how to pay $xxx in childcare. I’m hoping he won’t think it’s purely your responsibility to pay that bill. Come at him like you’re understanding what he is saying. This is basically throwing his own remarks right back at him in a positive way lol.

If you leave, can you go home to family that could maybe help? Do you have a program where you live where the government will pay child care if you work or go to school? In the United states we have CCR&R for daycare costs. They paid 100% of mine until I graduated.

Tell him to stay home n look after the kiddies, he will soon shut his trap then, don’t let him get to you , you are doing all you can, good on ya xx

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Kids full time is a job whether they are 5 months older, 5 or 15. Tell him to watch the kids and you will go to work.

I can understand, as I was sometimes away as long as three months. My wife had a full-time job with the county and raised our three children I would take our son with me ( three years old ) from east to west coast until he started school. then in the summer, we would all travel together. Then I went back to my first job, at home every night and weekend. We are both retired and together 24/7.

So ask him who is going to care for the children if you work???

I’m always in need of a friend. I’m sorry you’re going through this difficult time.

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Tell the jerk he can stay home for two weeks while you look for a part time job. But he had to take care of the kids, do the housework, cook, laundry etc. that will shut him ip

You take care of the kids plus work so you contribute ALOT and he needs to realize that.

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Don’t cook or clean for a week, let the kids run wild. He will quickly acknowledge what you contribute.

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would he even notice?

Umm say you need space and leave for a month. He’ll see all that you do when your taking a break.

I would tell him to find day care for the children then and get a full time job good luck to him

Just being a Mom…you work! Stay strong Mama! :heart::pray::v::muscle:

Think over clearly what would make you happy . If leaving is the answer … GO👍

Trust your gut. If it says leave, then leave.

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Go girl. Sounds like he isnt around much anyway

Never leave your kids . Love them they will grow up take care of you.

Get a good reliable babysitter save enough money and leave him he don’t respect u

Hats off to you,do what you need to do!

I wish a man would. You are being walked on by her Husband.

Lol make a services chart… List out the tasks you do daily and weekly. Attach a fee to them.
Call a the laundry service and ask what they charge for laundry… And use that price.
Ask a cleaner what they charge for light cleaning and deep cleaning. Add those fees to your “fee schedule”
You would pay 25 to 30$ for a meal out. So everytime you cook charge him 25$. Find out how much personal shoppers charge and charge him that every time you ho to the grocery store.
Sometimes you gotta paint them a picture.
Let him see in writing. And then toss some day care charges in there. So he can see what hed be paying for. And then tell him to kiss your whole contribution and go suck it!!!

Leave f- him if he doesn’t understand what you do 24-7

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Just staying home and taking care of the kids is saving you soooo much money! Tell him to stay home while you work and see if he can handle even the thought of it.

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Iwould leave and start over it takes 2 to make a marriage work

Girl two things level up and forget him

He’s probably cheating….aye when they’re away all the time and just start starting shit.

Take your children and leave.

Taking care of his kids is a whole job. maybe he don’t love u. I’m a stay at home mom , full time and I don’t get complaints at all. As long as me and the kids have all we need ,that’s how he is. Infact he supports me getting job after some yrs when the kids are grown just so ‘im not bored nd have something to do’ also so that I don’t always have to wait on him when I want do my things and get things I like.

Can’t relate to a stay at home parent. Having to rely on one person to carry the family financially is frankly selfish in this day and age. It’s a unnecessary strain on the marriage when each spouse should be contributing. And it’s incredibly dumb to be honest, as that person could up and leave you any time, and then what? All those years staying home to tend to your children- not having any skills to be able to carry them or yourself in a job. You’re basically screwed.

I get what people say when the cost of daycare is astronomical and it doesn’t make much sense to spend all that money when staying home equates to the same amount you’d be paying in care, but it’s not a loss. Your children will be learning tons of skills that you yourself can’t teach. They’ll be ahead of the game come time for real school. THAT is what makes daycare worth working for and paying for.

Let him quit his job and do what you do. He’ll change his thinking real fast.

Do whatever needs 2 b done…

My husband who use to travel for work before this pandemic use to say to me, I did the much harder work by caring for the kids, him and the home. He always had to remind me how much he needed me to do my job so he could do his. I thank him everyday for being supportive. I hope someday, your man will realize how valuable you truly are. And if doesnt doesn’t, you have to ask, how much more of his abuse are you willing to take and pass that form of abuse down to your kids. The kids will learn from his actions

If you don’t make a large amount of money, a daycare or babysitter can easily cost as much as you make in a month…and it’s just not worth it. I work 10 hours a week and mostly gave up my job so he could take a promotion where we both work. No way would I ever tolerate a man that treats me like I’m less than I’m worth.

A family with no support will struggle with responsibilities. Either your hubby needs to compromise better with you and your situation or he needs to go live on his own. And you’d be better off being close to friends and family.

Leave. He truly does NOT know your worth and clearly doesn’t understand how hard being a sahm is 🤦 im so sorry

Why should you leave! Make him find a place to go and make him pay for it ! I left with my 3 kids and all he would pay for was my car because his name was on it. I let him have everything! Fuck him!

Dont leave… pretend hes not there

Please stay and work it out at all cost

Maybe ask him what he means by that and what he feels you can do better? It’s important to validate everyone’s feelings. Is he feeling overwhelmed himself?

Then he needs to change jobs so you can and if he can’t do that then yes I’d leave him seems like he just wants to make you feel bad about yourself.

Ťell him to fĺy a kite. You stand your ground and be strong . Charge him for being at home. This ridiculous.

I left a crap relationship with 2 children years ago & have a hubby that told me to stay home and care for the children after 5 years of being a single mom. I think it really is dependent on whether this is a constant issue or just a right now issue.

I’m laughing because being a mom is a never ending job. You do work and contribute. Depending on how many kids n where you live. Daycare/Childcare is expensive and unfortunately sometimes you work to pay for that care should I mention the dangers because people suck. If he did it alone for a week what you do he’d stop complaining.

My husband does it too. “What do you do?” LOL He hasn’t cleaned a toilet in almost 20 years of marriage. Men ( no offense to all men ) often times get tired and feel like “It’s not fair, I have to leave and work, they get to stay home” not realizing how much work staying home is. Some people are also childish to be honest. I’m not sure what your issue is. Not that you have to answer to him, but make a daily list of what you do. So when he accuses you and tries to get you excited by acting like you don’t do anything, lol you can pull out the notebook and tell him to start reading. LMAO I swear that will shut him up. I understand about being angry, but be the mature one. Only you know if your marriage is worth saving. But don’t let him bully you or manipulate you into feeling like what you do as a mother and spouse is not valuable. Separate note: Don’t give up ever working or having a work history. Maybe when the kids are in school, find a part time job or even full time if things are different for you. You don’t EVER want to be dependent on your husband and have to start fresh after 10, 20 years when you are older. Make sure you can/could be independent.

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Yep it’s time to go, I don’t have a job but even my husband will tell everyone “my wife is the glue that holds this house together.”
Get you a man like that where he knows your role in the home is just as important as the role he has.

Please see a marriage counselor ASAP. For your sake and your children’s, too.

Tell him to find some full-time daycare so you can get a full-time job if he wants to complain about it then make it his problem

Your children come first

For goodness sake’s don’t leave your husband I’m quite sure it’s more than just your feelings at stake, as your children probably love the stability of not living in a broken home, you had a fight he said something unwarranted out of frustration, work it out book them into day care and hand him the bill after paying your bit, get therapy and you both can learn better communication skills and how to deal with pressures. If you want to be in a marriage and a long term relationship you have to learn how to handle peoples bad bits as well as their good bits because we ALL have our bad bits!

He is all about money, not you or the kids, and what is best. Leave asap.

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Sounds like it’s time to trade a man for a better model

And support them, how?

Is he stressed about something? I know it’s never okay for this but is something going on that he’s taking it out on you?

If my husband ever talked that way to me he would be divorced. If he travels for a living he should hopefully make enough money so you don’t have to work. Sounds like a word of an unfaithful man. A faithful man appreciates his wife raising kids if he can afford all the bills and you stay at home. What an ass. I’d pack and go. I’ve heard those words before in the past. They sound like the words of the new woman he is with on his business trips. Lol sorry girl. Pack and go.

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If hes saying that then maybe its a clue to chip in. He may be feeling overwhelmed and if you do leave, it will be more than likely you have to work anyway. Work 30 hours a week. Its not too bad. And youll still have plenty of time w the kids. Or you could work full time and he could stay w the kids. Lol there are always options. You have to compromise in relationships otherwise you are just being stubborn and selfish. We dont know this man so we cant just assume hes a jerk. There’s always 2 sides

Gaslighting at it’s finest! I would leave ASAP…he’s a narcissist

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Go on strike for a few days. He will change his mind!

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Go back to work, save your money, find a sitter for kids, then leave.

Tell him to sod off! Cheeky sod!

Just go if you got some money saved then go whr you can be happy

I would and leave him the kids :laughing:

Then put the children in Daycare and get a JOB. When those charges hit the Bank account HE will have the opportunity to RETHINK his words, And you will have an income should you decide to slap his dumb ass with Divorce papers. I wouldn’t leave, I’d wait for his check to be deposited and retain an Attorney, You want Sole custody of the children, Domicile of the HOUSE, Max child support/ spousal support Half of CHILD CARE expenses bc his ONLY other option is 50/50 Shared custody, Where he Dosent travel and he’s Home Parenting His children No less than 50% of each month .

Umm who takes care of the kids and house and work what a jerk !!! Most men couldn’t handle being home with kids would be nice to have someone plan meals 3 times a day 365 days a week clean clothes clean house wow does he think :thinking: that just magically happens :face_with_symbols_over_mouth:

I know this isn’t 100 percent related but yet it is… I just want to put this here because this same kind of shit just happened all over the country and we (women) were made to take on more than our fair share of EVERYTHING and not many husbands, employers, politicians, etc appreciated the sacrifices we women made and some that we make still or some that we make in choosing to be a SAHM to give our best to our children! If he can’t appreciate you within your family unit, he will certainly always have unreasonable and unrealistic expectations of you. I was with someone just like him and if it’s not your income, it’ll be the house chores, or some other excuse as to why there is an imbalance in your household and somehow he is better than you. Recognize the red flags. Work on getting your ducks in a row. Then if you’re still dealing with the same, leave. If not, you can re-evaluate your situation. At least you’ll be ready.

He sounds like a dumbass! Mothers do the most work! So you had to quit your full time job because there’s no one to watch the kids because Dad is always Gone! So now you work part time and still have the 24/7 duties of a full time mother, being a care giver, a teacher, a family manager, a chef, a nurse, a housekeeper, a Event Planner, a Chauffeur, a Counselor and a Activities director!!! Tell your HUSBAND to get off his LAZY ASS and CONTRIBUTE to the damn FAMILY & try to walk in your shoes for a day!! I bet he couldn’t handle it! So next time
He wants to open his dumb mouth just show him all the things YOU’RE RESPONSIBLE FOR!!! Just my thoughts as a Mother!!! :100::muscle::muscle::muscle:

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You’re contributing everyday – Does he think children raise themselves?? Pffft.

I’m sorry you have to listen to such BS. You matter, you are vitally important to the lives of your children and don’t let his words devalue you and your position in this world. :purple_heart:

Sending you much love and patience during this trying time.

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I feel like this is only a snippet of what actually goes on. Sounds like you’re at your breaking point

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Well first if he didn’t have you home most of the time he’s be spending thousands on daycare like we do.
Second how disgusting and disrespectful of him!!!
He’s not home he travels and works instead of thank you for all you do for the family he tells you you’re not contributing. My husband would never say anything like that to me but if he did he’d also know not to eat or drink anything I made for him cause chances are good it would include things it shouldn’t
I’m sorry he said that to you. You are the reason your kids are safe happy and taken care of. Screw him

Smh :woman_facepalming:t2: the pay rate for being a SAHM. Is priceless snd he could never do what you do EVER. SO tell him I may not get a paycheck but neither would you if I wasn’t here.

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Those are his kids too. Tell him to look into the cost of daycare. He is probably just stressed and took it out on you but definitely stick up for yourself. Remind him he is only able to have the life he does because of your sacrifices aswell.

Tell him he can stay home with kids, clean, cook, transport kids wherever they need to go, keep up with pediatric MD visits, arrange play dates, get homework done, grocery shop…and YOU will go to “WORK”

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I’ll tell y’all like this. In 2012. My mom died. My kid’s were all young like 10/8/4. My X was giving me so much shit about EVERYTHING. So I took my kids to his house N said you think it’s SO EASY. Lawtttttt Chile he told me he could do it with 1 hand tired behind his back. LMFAO :crazy_face: well that was December 27th he told me that. By January 9th. I eas at his house :house_with_garden: and helping HIM. Yah girl REAL LIFE I promise you. Men can never do what we do. PeriodT 48 years old now my kids are 20/18/13 and they are my absolute 🪨 🪨 🪨

On his next day off make some nice dinner, put the kids to bed. Have a heart to heart talk…
Put all your worries in words and then let him talk as well… maybe he’s just tired… maybe he can look for a job that won’t require him to travel so much…
Lots of jobs available everywhere because lazy people don’t want to work with the extra money the government is paying them…
Good luck,… Communication is KEY :key:

Does he not realise that he can only do what he does because you do what you do!?
Maybe suggest that you go back to work full time, he then questions who does the child care, you tell him that’s for him to sort out since it’s apparently so easily done.

I stayed home the entire time my kids were growing up…not once did my husband ever make me feel like less then an equal partner…its respect …if he is concerned about money discuss that and maybe babysit an extra kid…but it need to be discussed…

Find a job at home . I work from home, I don’t have no kids at home now, and you can still work and watch your kids. I work as a CSR and love it

Leave. He clearly doesn’t appreciate you.
Let him stay home with the kids for a month while you bring home the bacon. He will be singing a different tune then. He’s an ass.

My husband has always thrown that out there about how he works harder & he makes more money

Make sure you have atleast $5k hidden to help pay for your half of the divorce and a new place to stay

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So you put them in daycare and work your 35 hours again
There are options you just aren’t using them.

He is a dumb ass. I’m sorry but it’s harder to stay at home and take care of children and the house that it is to go to a job. I’ve done both. See ya dumb ass.

Tell him to stay home and do the housework and take care of the children and you will go to work… freedom girl😉

Let him stay home with your kids and see if he feels the same way