Almost any man can father a child but that doesn’t make him a dad.
You don’t say if they have a father figure in their lives but all you CAN do is love them enough for both of you. You don’t say how long after you had your second that he left but it sounds like they probably don’t know or remember their sperm donor. That means what they might be “missing” is nothing more than the idea of their father. Be honest with them as appropriate for their age but be careful not to talk down about him too much. They know that he’s half their DNA and you don’t want them to think if he’s bad, they might be too. It’s tricky though because you don’t want them to feel abandoned or that they weren’t good enough for him. I just said things like “not every one is cut out to be a parent” and did my best to reassure them it had nothing to do with them. I was lucky to meet someone who helped raise them as his own and was able to point out that while bio-“dad” chose not to be part of their lives, they had a man who CHOSE to be with us.
When they are old enough, they can always reach out to him on their own but they need to be prepared to be disappointed. My oldest 3 were raised by me & their dad (not their sperm donor). All 3 are full grown adults and none are interested in seeking him out because they say they were raised by their “real dad”.
Trust me when I say you don’t want a “father” in their lives who is only there out of obligation because THAT will do more harm than good
Give it up. He isn’t going to change. Let it go
It doesn’t make sense to most people but some are just selfish and self centered your kids are off not knowing him
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What a dirt bag the kids father is
One day at a time.
Hunny I went through this. My husband was the bread winner and I a sahm. Then his health declined. He tried various less physical jobs and tried to keep working but ultimately he ended up not being able to and I had to reenter the workforce after 7 years of being a sahm. It was hard and I felt many of the same feelings you are now. They needed me home to help care for my kids and help him but I needed to work. It was hard. But I got through it and carried my family it gave me a sense of empowerment to know I could. Now I own my own business and it’s successful. I make my own hours and spend as much time with my family as needed. It will be hard but take it one day at a time. Hold your head up high. We as women can do so much more than society thinks we cam. You got this mama! 
Your a mum. You won’t fail. It’ll be hard at the start but you will adapt, your Child will adapt.
Take a break and don’t lift a finger once you get off work. Stop and get yourself a quick dinner and let the people at home fend for themselves for a few days.see if they decide to start appreciating everything you do. It’s tough love but it will work if you hold out until they see things your way.
Take a vacation. Rent a hotel . Let them all fend for themselves until they appreciate you .
Take a Vacation. Choose a great hotel that has a spa and treat yourself for a few days. Let them know you’ll be gone and taking a break. Let them learn the hard way you’re not a Slave, Maid, Etc. You’re a Spouse and a Mother. They need to realize their actions. Let them fend for themselves for awhile. Go on strike. Best of luck.
Find yourself a man that appreciates you and helps!!! I was with my ex husband for 15 years and dealt with this exact thing.
Forward to my fiance … he is incredibly helpful with my kids and his. Helps with everything without asking.
Change your job, and everything else can fall into place. If children can’t help you, why bend over backwards for them plus do a job you hate. Let the older ones figure it out.
Your happiness matters too.
Your family will do what you allow.
If they KNOW you will do it all they won’t do anything.
Assign “jobs” to each member age appropriate and start from there. As far as your spouse goes they need a reality check too!!
If it doesn’t get done DO NOT do it. As hard as it may be just leave it….
Eventually they will recognize your not going to do it.
People can only take advantage when you allow it. I wouldn’t have a husband or kids I’ve 11 in my house not doing chores. We are a family unit and everyone in the house has assigned duties. Tomorrow take yourself out and get your own dinner come home and rest. When they say where is dinner say I don’t know. Let them know you are no longer doing everything by yourself. I wouldn’t taxi, cook, clean, do their laundry, none of it. Your husband should be your team mate and he’s disrespecting you so do nothing for him either. Tough love, but you have to get your respect and appreciation back. No arguing, yelling, none of it just say you not doing anything else for any of them until they start working as a family unit.
I leave. Yep, a weekend and they remember and know everything I do
I went on stock once. Didn’t cook, do laundry etc. And didn’t give in. They came round
Breathe. Then just Stop. Stop doing everything for everyone. (I know - easier said than done.) Determine what you think is a fair split of chores with everyone in your fam and and make it super visible for all ( chore chart)! Then commit to yourself that you won’t pick up the slack (And don’t; this is key). They will realize you’re no longer going to be the catch all and they need to pull their weight. But if you keep doing it all, all it will make you is unhappy and bitter. 
you matter too!
Put your foot down. Seems like you’ve done it too long, too often and now it’s expected.
Hand out a chore list n go on strike do for you n the young kiddos who can’t fend for themselves yet n let the older kids n hubby deal
If you are tired just STOP doing it !!!
Eat before you get home and just take a bath and go to bed .
Disappear for a whole weekend and see if they will appreciate you more or not
I’m a firm believer in the old saying that you can do bad all by yourself If you are doing it all alone anyway put them out!
Breath . Take of YOU FIRST and don’t worry about everyone else. Teenagers know it all. Let them fend for themselves. Your husband can also… don’t worry about whatever… Life is too short to be miserable.
Do your kids have phones? Cars? Go out at all?
TAKE IT ALL AWAY until they can learn to help.
YOU are the parent, time to step up and take control.
Tell your husband to either help or get out
Just clean up after your self let the others fend for themselves
Then let them use dirty clothes let them eat from paper plates and eat cereal for their three meals stop killing yourself u r not appreciated they can survive on cereal and sandwiches they make themselves free yourself from your own prison go out and have a cup of coffee walk thru the mall have a treat yeah I did it have a drink with lunch read a book on the beach yea u can
I sometimes enjoy my job but it is tiring. I have 6 kids ranging from age 15 to 9. Most of the time I won’t lift a finger to anything in my house because I get tired of working 12 hour days 6 days a week to them being home and not doing anything. My husband puts his foot down to them and so does my brother in law. And most of the time I only have to do laundry cause my husband doesn’t want the kids to break the washer again. You have to put your foot down or this will continue. My brother in law is my saving grace as well.
Sounds EXACTLY what I am going through! It sucks!
Easier said than done, but stop doing everything.
They will figure it out one way or another.
Why do I feel like this post is about me? 100% feel where you are coming from. It’s never 50/50 when both patents work. In my case it’s like 95/5 and that’s only because I have to “boss everyone” around to help some.
Worry about you and I’d you have young children that can’t fend for themselves, the others will step up when they have no food, clean dishes or clothes
Take time for yourself. Even if it’s simply taking the long way home. Stop doing everyone’s laundry. If they’re capable of doing it on their own, than make them. When you go grocery shopping, bring in anything perishable and leave the rest in the car for them to bring in and put away. When it comes time to make dinner, tell them to help. Maybe they can peel potatoes, set the table, get the condiments ready, etc. When you’re all done eating, everyone can assist in cleaning up the kitchen. When they’re being selfish or ungrateful, call them out on it. Oh, and if they’re old enough to get jobs, strongly encourage them to do so. Stop putting up with the way your husband treats you. As soon as he says or does something that you’re not comfortable with, say something. Tell him how you want to be treated and accept nothing less. He’s a parent too, if he’s not helping with the kids, in any capacity, tell him to. If you’re rushing around to get your kids to and from where they need to be, while he’s got nothing going on, than tell him he’s picking them up or dropping them off. Don’t ask him. Tell him. It’s just as much his responsibility as yours.
Sounds like you’re a Mum!!! Go on strike,its the only way… no meals or clean clothes that magically find there own way,neatly folded into drawers,they’ll soon realise how much you do.
BEST OF LUCK.
I’m team f them kids I would literally just go on vacation and not answer my phone 
Find you a husband that appreciates you 
Just go to work and don’t do anything when you get home. If you’re living with your “husband” and he can’t pick up after himself i would leave him 
my 4 year old and boyfriend helps me with housework everyday, there’s no excuse they can’t help you being teens and a grown man
I know what you mean and it’s just about impossible to undue once you’re already there. Thinking the same thing today. Then when.the kids finally grow up there are grandchildren and parents. I don’t want to play anymore…wait thats it I do want to play sometimes not just work work work. That’s the problem there. 
Stop doing anything for anyone else except yourself and any of your children that are under 18 you should probably still take care of their basic needs at least, since they are minors and still technically your responsibility. but don’t give them unnecessary items if they don’t want to help out around the house. Your grown husband can take care of himself ,along with any other children or family members living there that are adults. 
Stop doing everything. Just go to work, eat before you come home and then retire to your room and lock your door and your husband out of room for a few days they will get the hint
I agree go on strike. Do the bare minimum to keep everyone safe and alive and when they complain tell them you can’t do ever single thing alone. I also thought about making a chart to show how much I do compared to husband or kids who can help out more than they do!
Girl put your foot down and end this
Quit. Quit doing it all in the house. I’m serious. Take pictures throughout a week. Just quit it all. They soon realize how much you do. Only agree to be back on if you have a chore schedule for everyone. If they don’t agree, stay quit!!!
Save up money and go on a vacation, just you. Don’t tell anyone but plan in a way that your S.O. will be able to take care of the kids without issues. Tell them after you’ve already left that, as you’re the only one who takes care of the house you’ve decided to give yourself a break and a much needed vacation away. Let them deal with the house, the laundry, the meals, etc. If they complain, tell them they’re being dramatic. After all, you were able to do it all without issue or help so why should they be struggling? Sometimes if a person won’t listen to your words, you need to show them. So show them why they should be helping out by making them do everything on their own.
Teach the kids to do their own laundry and assign a day. Go on cooking strike and have somebody else cook.
Go on strike!!! You need to teach them how to treat you. Don’t put up with that!!
This is the story of my life…I totally feel u…
Don’t… don’t do shit for them! Husband and teens can take care of themselves for the most part.
Same here no household or outside help
Go to your moms spend the weekend visiting her
Omg I live that life also
Go on strike!!! Sounds like everyone is pretty much capable of being self sufficient…
Walk out stop being a door mat it’s wrong
Let shit go. Take a nap…
In my house EVERYONE HELPS PERIOD. (Mom of 5)
Go on strike. Don’t clean or cook anything except for yourself. They’ll get the message.
Sorry. The kids will get older and either wise up or move out or both. If a man doesn’t get you, and disrespects you, don’t wait, move on. You only have one life. Find that guy who worships you.
Set a schedule/plan and stick to it even if no one else dose . Give notice that you will cook 2 x a week , give every one a chore including yourself then do your part and no more , yes you house will fall apart and your family can either get it together or not . Take care of you .
Why dosen’t your spouse work ?
Stop doing the laundry and dishes. Other than for the middle age kids.
Go on a long vacay by yourself
Don’t do anything for them, let them fend for themselves you’ll see how fast things will change. Don’t clean, don’t wash, don’t cook then they’ll realize how much they need you
Stop cleaning, cooking, driving, anything. Go to work and come home and relax. They will figure it out.
Book yourself a hotel room for a couple nights, turn off your phone and hit the spa
Understand so sad but i know it’s true
Stop doing it all. They’ll figure it.
Why are you the primary breadwinner ? Unless your husband is disabled he should have a job. Your older kids should have jobs to do around the house. Assign them to them. Have a family meeting and explain to them their expected to help. If it’s doesn’t work out find a different place to live.
Stop cooking and cleaning and doing laundry for the teenagers and husband.
I am gonna be the minority here and tell you going on strike, losing your crap, and taking a vacation won’t change anything.
Its clear your partner has taken advantage of you and will continue to do so so long as he lives in your house, that won’t change no matter how much you beg or threaten, it will only change his actions for a short period of time, your children need to have their own space/laundry/meal preparation, it does them absolutely no good if you are doing everything for them, they won’t know how to cope as an adult, at this point you need a divorce and career change, both of these things are bringing resentment and stress into your life without any benefits beyond your job paying the bills.
Basically you have two choices, deal with the hand you have, or put that hand down so you can be delt a different one.
Go get a room for 2 weeks and let them fin for themselves while you relax.
Just stop. When it gets bad enough rent a motel room. Tell them when they step up and do their part that you’ll be home.
When it comes to the teens and pre teens, you’re the parent. Enforce their chores and contribution to the household, they either do their bit or start losing the extras/tech/ freedom to hang with friends freely etc …
Sit down and tell hubby either he contributes 50/50 to the marriage and family by lifting his weight and doing shit to take some of the load off you since you’re the one bringing in the main income source otherwise he can get himself employed on an income comparable to yours and you hire a cleaner out of his paycheck
Stop doing everything for a while and see how they like it
Stop doing it all they will figure it out trust me! 
We now all work as a team
stop doing it!!! go on STRIKE!!! works 100% of time!! if they know how to operate a phone they can operate vacuum, washing machine and make eggs! screw them ! go on strike my love!! everyone does their own laundry, and clean their own crap! you will teach them responsibility as well!!! teenagers will not do anything an less they forced. if they have no clean clothes, oh well they will not go out hahhaaha my daughter is 11 and does her own laundry since 8 and can cook many different things:)
First talk to the hubby
Tell him you are overwhelmed. Tell him your plan, on getting relief.
Stop doing everything for a few days….
Stop doing everything but the most basic. Boxes of cereal. Pbj.
Put your foot down, go psycho. And tell them how it is. Ur not the only person who lives there, and u won’t be the only one to clean it and cook. I’ve had to do it.
Just stop doing it all. Stop cooking. Stop doing laundry. Stop cleaning. Tunes will change quickly.
So quit doing the house work. Assign chores, if it doesn’t get done then everyone but you does with out! Especially your husband, if he’s able to do the work and doesn’t. Don’t pay for the extra stuff, phones, snacks, cable or internet. Make them earn it! If you call home before dinner and find it’s not done, treat yourself to dinner out. You should NOT be working and having to do everything else. Especially when husband is home! If you have teenagers they should be doing their own laundry, cleaning up after dinner or even making dinner. The smaller ones can help too. This should be none negotiable!
Do You. Your teens can work a video game? Then they can push buttons to do their laundry. Cook their food. Vacuum. And the dad… he’s a waste of space. Not teaching children to survive life and be responsible for themselves. Especially if you’re the one out earning… stop cooking, cleaning, doing laundry. Dump dirty dishes and laundry in their rooms. Ideally in their beds. When they have to go to school or work with dirty smelly clothes, they’ll change. And seeing as they’re so selfish already, sounds like it’ll be the only reason that they do anything!!! For themselves
Oh no girl. I’d be checking right out. No more chores no more dinners. Let them figure it out… I’d eat out just me and let your husband pick up all of it.
Stop doing shit for them when they ask why you haven’t done anything for them tell to figure it out
I have no advice, but can tell you I have a very similar mother. I’m sorry!