God won’t give you more than you can handle. Prayers
I had to go to work after 13 years of being a stay at home mom. It was hard at first but kids adjusted and I just kept putting one foot in front of the other every day. With GOD’s help and love I managed.You can do this!!! Put your husband and son in GOD’S hands and it will all fall into place.
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Prayers to give you strength.
I know it will be tough on you. It will be scary. How is your husband’s insurance? Maybe you could get a visiting nurse or a health aide to look in on him while you’re at work. Maybe his insurance allows for him to change doctors. You don’t necessarily have to stay with the ones you have now. You can change to other ones. Explain how you were treated, and ask for help with his condition. As far as your son goes, are you able to get close with any of your neighbors or any parents of any of his friends. Could they take your son on some of the bad days or nights? A lot of times, churches can put you in touch with free financial assistance. The advisor can help you set up a budget and help navigate the bills and expenses. While you’re talking to the people at the church, ask them for spiritual support also. They can put your family on their prayer list. They can also involve your son in youth group if you want. That may be helpful for him. These are just some ideas. I hope they help. Hugs and prayers to you and your family.
Your husband can get disability and this will help with your income also.
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Please get him some assistance at DHHS or Social Security, it’ll help a great deal. Prayers
Take a breath and if possible you can get a work from home job
Its ok to be sad at times times, try to make some time for yourself. Hope your husband gets better!
You won’t fail!!! You are trying to make things better for your family and that means you aren’t failing! It’s nerves because changing your routine and family’s routine is sometimes scary. You got this!!! 
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Feeling sad is normal, things are changing. YOU GOT THIS! Time to step up and show YOURSELF just what a strong woman looks like! Everything will fall into place but you have to do one thing… Stop worrying and doubting yourself. STAY POSITIVE!
Maybe you’re worrying is part of the problem
Sorry but most of us have had to work for years!!!
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Your a wife and a mother therefore a warrior
YOU GOT THIS:pray:t4:
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I am unable to work, and qualified for social security disability. It takes 2 years to be eligible for Medicare after being approved for disability through social security, so I went on my husband’s insurance through his work when I had to leave my job & benefits behind. Now I am receiving benefits through Medicare, and they have all kinds of wellness checks & benefits & helpful information.
If your husband is unable to work, he needs to apply for social security disability. I don’t know your circumstances, but it can’t hurt to apply.
Also, check with your local DHS (department of human services) to see what benefits or programs that you and your family might be eligible for. Depending on the state and local resources, you might be eligible for assistance with housing & food & daycare. You might even be eligible for job search & educational benefits to help you be more successful at finding a career.
I know you are scared, and worried. You will overcome your fears as soon as you start taking control of the situation by moving forward, one step at a time. Rely on your faith and your church to help with spiritual & moral support.
When our kids were just 1 and 2 yrs old, I was laid off from my job. I was 30 yrs old, had worked since the age of 14, and had never had to rely on anyone else for help. My husband had been a hard worker, but his income alone was not enough for us to survive. I felt embarrassed and ashamed to go to the unemployment office. All of my friends and family encouraged me, explaining that I had worked hard for many years, and that these were benefits I had paid for, and earned. I didn’t have a choice … we had 2 babies to support, and I was determined to do whatever I needed to do to take care of my family. Once I was able to overcome my fear, I was able to move forward.
That was many years ago, but I remember the fear and the worry. I know how you feel. Rely on the programs & resources available to you, and try to stay positive. Your son will adjust, when he sees you adjusting and moving forward.
I wish you all the luck in the world, and I’m sending good vibes & prayers your way!
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Where are you located and what kind of docs do you need? Maybe someone here can recommend some.
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For his disability: Check out the National Institutes of Health (NIH), the Mayo Clinic, organizations that deal with niche diseases to find doctors who get it. Look into medical trials for experimental treatments for whatever ails your husband. Look into “medical mysteries” cases to see if anything sounds familiar. Sometimes it takes years and lots of different health care practitioners and research and chutzpah to find what you need, but don’t give up. If your husband can use a computer he can do a lot of research and advocating for himself.
For your mental health: Schedule joy just for you and for your family. You, your husband, and your son should individually spend time with friends having fun. Have cultural nights at home where you dress up, have food, drinks and movies/entertainment from another country. Learn a few words in that language. Have a dance party where hubs can shake whatever still works.
For your son: Kids are pretty adaptable. If dad can still show love and interact somehow with your son he’ll be OK. But you all should definitely be in support groups for people in your situation. Sometimes there are summer camps for kids of specific family situations so he can interact with other kids going through the same thing. Be part of a caregiver support group. Hubs should be part of a support group for whatever he has. Check out library books and movies about people who have triumphed over adversity for inspiration.
For your husband: Push the limits of your husband’s disability. Roll the wheelchair onto a tour boat, hit handicap hiking trails, go to park performances. Go camping. Find others in the same situation and have fun together. Have him participate in handicap and Paralympic sports teams. Find the limits of his new abilities. Have him do whatever he’s capable of to help the family, the community and the world. Let him make decisions and put him in control of whatever he can manage so he feels needed and useful. Maybe in charge of getting your son ready for school/daycare, homework help, teaching him chores and life skills, just listening to him to strengthen their bond. Maybe he could be in charge of menu planning and grocery lists, and learning to cook if he’s not into that already.
If needed, get antidepressants or anti-anxiety drugs to get you & hubs through the tougher parts, as well as therapy to help you cope. Take up meditation, Tai chi, yoga (can be done seated or modified as needed), or progressive relaxation as a family. Be part of a spiritual community. My Unitarian Universalist church is intentionally welcoming to people with all sorts of disabilities and has activities and discussion groups. Is he able to read? Have him join a book group. My church has groups just for men in addition to several others. It’ll give him a social outlet and intellectual stimulation.
For your health: Take your vitamins, eat healthy, and get enough sleep. Plain yoghurt with granola, raisins, nuts, and/or chocolate chips; bagged or other prepared salads, fresh fruit, cheese sticks, cut vegetables and hummus or other dip, steamable bagged veggies (add leftover meat, fish, cheese, nuts, and/or seasoning if you want) are all quick, easy and healthy and make good snacks. I like Goya black bean soup over 90 second packs of microwaveable brown or white basmati rice for a dinner in 5 minutes. Nuke the soup, nuke the rice, pour soup over rice, squeeze lime juice on top & add some bits of fresh or dried onion. Fruit with whipped topping for dessert and you’re done.
Get some exercise. Follow a yoga or Tai chi or any kind of movement video, put on music and dance, take an exercise class of your choice, walk, run, do martial arts. Everyone can manage 10 minutes of something: sit ups, stretches, jumping jacks or jumping rope, mini trampoline, running in place, push ups on the floor or against a wall, yoga poses. Three 10-minute exercise breaks and you’ve done your recommended 30 minutes a day. It’ll keep you healthy, fit & give you more energy & make you happier. At work I always took the stairs and took a lunch I could eat while taking a walk on nice days. Some employee or health plans include gym or Rec center discounts.
As to a job: Think of work as a necessary evil where you can get away from your family stresses, drink all the coffee, tea or whatever you want (depending on the job), maybe occasionally free donuts or sandwiches even!, maybe make some friends or friendly acquaintances. Keep expectations low so you may be pleasantly surprised. Focus on the aspects of the job you like & consider the rest as payment for the fun parts and the money.
I used to even enjoy my commutes because I could escape into books on public transportation, have great conversations in carpools, or be free from demands and expectations as I sat in traffic and listened to whatever music I wanted.
And who knows? You may grow to enjoy your work, get promoted, find your niche, make great networking contacts to get a better job, and possibly have benefits that help!
Try not to worry about things that haven’t happened yet and take one day, hour, minute at a time.
Sending love and strength to you! 
Beleive in yourself, you can do it. You are strong invincable You Are Woman.
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This gave me the push I needed, maybe it will help you.
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Sometimes we don’t know how strong we are till we are forced into uncomfortable situations. Change can be scary, but we can adapt when we need to.
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Remember God won’t give us anything we can’t handle
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First of all, so sorry you’re dealing with all this at the same time. But, you can do this! You are just as capable of working and supporting your family and your child will be proud of you and fine!
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Pray God’s got you !!!
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Take a deep breath. Do not worry about the future. Deal with what’s in front of you now. Deal with each thing as it comes up. You got this.
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Why so negative, it will work out its up to you , Stay positive your doing the best you can … LOVE YOURSELF …
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You will not fail.Have Dr. Put him on disability. That will help with the bills. In the meantime try to get assistance with daycare and food stamps. Just accept help wherever it’s needed. If need be. Talk with insurance and get another doctor for husband.
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Have you applied for disability benefits for him
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You can do this and God bless you all:pray:
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Lady just take it a step at a time as you will be worried but you can do it have faith be positive. Your husband did it for you but now he is ill and needs you to take charge the kids will be fine as they sometimes understand more than what you think.
Ensure your husband healths is taken care of so that you both can stand as one to take care of your family.
It wont be easy but it is worth it!
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Many blessings wished for you and your family, I’m sorry this is happening !!
One day at a time, you can doit.
God bless you and your family. Don’t worry about it, just ask God to help you and do the best you can.
When I got divorced, my ex got remarried two weeks after the paperwork was signed. My ex took seven years to find his way back to our son…
In the meantime, I went to my dad and brothers to step up and be there for him. Today he is a college graduate, professional, planning on marriage!!
I suggest you find other men, family, mentors, pastors, friends, etc. to step up and be there for you and your kids. 
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My girls are going on 18 and 19. They havent seen their bio dud (I will never call him a Dad) since they were 2 and 3. The day I introduced my then boyfriend (now husband of 15 years) to bio dud out of respect. I guess he took it as his chance to run? My girls have never felt like they are missing out on anything. They have 3 bio half siblings on his side, and they have no interest in meeting them. Idk if it’s because they have a “father” that raised them or not, but they have never expressed they are missing something. And I’ve had plenty of talks with them about it. I’d like them to reach out to their siblings if/when they are all ready and over 18 so he can’t push to be involved.
is his family aware of this? Maybe they think since the divorce, you want nothing to do with them. Since you sent the kids number to their grandmother, maybe reach out to her & see if she would like to see her grandchildren, Now remember kids that age, don’t’ want to spend all day with their grandmother, I knew this with my grandson, Kids that age want to be with their friends & they should be, As for their father, just tell them he is a different person, not that he doesn’t love them, but his life is complicated right now, But the door is always opened both ways
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We have same situartion…
Lots of guys like that. Having contact with them would make HIM feel uncomfortable for abandoning them and having to answer the kids questions. He doesn’t want to be exposed as the loser he is and open himself up for criticism. Imho
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My Daughter will be 26 in September. Her Dad never laid eyes on her except through pictures. The last pic he ever saw was at 6 months old. I was always in the same place, never moved. He knew where to find us. He was an alcoholic, and had been in trouble with the law and ended up in prison. I went through my entire pregnancy with only my family around me. He stopped writing long before I had her. The last letter I received, before her birth, he told me he would write when the urge hit him. I did inform him of her birth, sent pics etc…. I finally had ENOUGH. Our divorce was final on his birthday. I always told my Daughter the truth about her Dad. I also told her, once she hit 18, If she wanted to find him, I would help her. She told me once she was 18 that the ONLY reason she would want to find him was to tell him off and show him what he missed out on. I found out a couple of years ago, that he has passed. She grew up around her Uncle and had her Grandfather around until she was about 7 years old.
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You have done all you can he’s not worth the bother.
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I can understand.My ex left us to go to a new job in Alabama…hundreds of miles from us.He couldn’t understand why the kids were crying…3yrs and 18 mo.He thought they should be happy for him.Now when he is old doesn’t understand why they don’t want to be bothered with him.I guess he thinks he is possibly going to die.???
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Let it go. Your kids know the truth. That’s all that matters
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I raised my kids that way their dad lived in the same neighborhood went to the store behind their house never came around as they were little now my oldest is 35 and he still never calls or comes never has met our grandchildren he’s on Facebook and sees Eve it still nothing so good luck my kids grew up just fine without I never talked bad about the dad to them they know
I raised my daughter without her dad for 14 years. When she turned 17 his step daughters from his 3rd marriage got in touch with her. she met her dad and left the State!
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You can’t force him .but they can meet his family if they (his family) want to …if not tell them the truth and keep it moving
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I haven’t talked to my dad in 17 years. I was 5 when he walked out. Trust me, the older we get the more we hate them. Mine acts like I’m a stranger. I’ve ran into him and he said “who are you?” I’m a spitting image of him. It’s confusing at that age still but eventually they’ll see a man that is like a father figure to them and it’ll be nice
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At this point, they do “know” their “dad”!
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doesn’t make sense to me either but your children “know” their father and sadly know he doesn’t want to be part of their lives.
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That’s not your choice to make so stop forcing it on him. To me honestly it sounds like he never wanted the entire thing and you forced it on him from the beginning.
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It’s truly amazing how everyone is bashing him but no one knows his side. If she is trying to force the kids on him maybe that how she had the kids in the first damn place. Maybe he never wanted it. So quit bashing someone if you don’t know both sides of the story. There is something she is clearly leaving out.
His loss! Children are better off without Father, than him staying and the Father showing them every day how much he dislikes them!
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He has to atone for his sins eventually. Stop beating a dead horse.
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Can’t miss something you have never had
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I ask that same question about my ex and my oldest. He has 3 kids that he doesn’t take care of. None of them. Three different baby mama’s. His mum is fully active in my oldest life and she will be the reason to him knowing tht side of the family.
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Biologically creating children doesn’t make them a mom or dad. If your children reach out when they are of age it’s up to them. My granddaughter is 21 and has never known her biological father and has said she could care less. She has a family who loves her and that is all that matters. Someday she may change her mind but it is her choice.
I always told My kids he will need them before they need him…Let it Go those kids will be better off…I dealt with samething and you cant force someone to do the right thing besides its his loss …HE WILL ANSWER TO IT ONE DAY IN FRONT OF GOD…God Bless your children and you…
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Continuing to push for that relationship for so long could be like pouring salt into your kid’s wounds… I’d try to be there for them, allow them to cry to you if it hurts, teach them about the power of forgiveness (and it being for them, not for him) and letting go so they don’t live with bitterness, make sure they know that it’s not their fault and that no matter what, they’ll have their mom…
My son is 19 his “dad” lived with us for a little while when he was about 8 years old. He seen him a few times as a baby, then left state one day, but when he needed something from me, he contacted me, of course. My son was asking about his father so I let him stay until he could get back on his feet and get to know my son, I know our son, I’m protective over my son. Well things didn’t work out but my son seen for himself just how his father really was. And still to this day he doesn’t know his birthday. It hurt him at first but now he can’t stand him. Just be honest with your kids and let them make their own decisions about dad. They don’t need him if they have you!! Sounds like you are doing a great job Momma 
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I don’t even know who my bio dad is. Don’t care.
My adopted dad was great. They might just be missing out on a cess pit
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He probably just doesn’t want to pay child support. He may think that if he sees them then he has to pay. Definitely pursue the child support. Even if you don’t need the money. You can save it and help the kids with a head start in life.
You can’t force him to be a father and you can’t force his family to accept your kids either. Why would you even want too? Obviously none of them want to be involved and if this is the kind of people they are your kids are better off without them. Be happy that he at least pays child support and don’t open a can of worms that you may not want your kids to have to deal with. 
Karin Ellis Read the post.
The Mom said “he always paid child support”.
So it is not that.
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Ugh. Sounds sooo familiar.
My kids are 7 and 10 and their “dad” decided he didn’t want to be a father anymore when I ended things with him 7 years ago. He moved across the country and deleted all traces of them from social media and wouldn’t make any effort to talk to them no matter what.
Earlier this year he texted me saying he’d sign wtv he has to to remove his parental rights… So I got a lawyer and had his rights removed and my kids names changed to mine.
I’ll never understand either… thats the hardest part. I feel soooo bad for my kids. I grew up without my dad so I really tried to keep communication between them. It’s so strange to me that people have kids one day and decide they don’t want them anymore 
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Out of site out of mind is what he is doing that way he act as they dont exist…
They are probably better off without him… ask the grandmother family health questions so you will have for medical reasons … some step parents are way better than sperm Donors
Confused why his family wants nothing to do with the kids. Usually the grandparents want a relationship and appreciate your efforts. I suspect the father gave an inaccurate account of what happened. Consider talking with the grandparents and emphasize that your kids would benefit from a relationship with them even if their son stays out of the picture. Keep the focus on what’s best for the kids and emphasize that you don’t want the kids or grandparents to miss out because of what happened between you and their son.
He’s no good! Simple as that. They may be better off not knowing him.
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Well sadly this happens all the time… I saw my father for the last time when I was 6. I didn’t hear from him again until my brother died. Then he wanted a relationship again. I said absolutely not. I was an adult with my own child and if I wasn’t good enough as a child I wasn’t good enough then. His guilt for being a shit parent wasn’t going to alter the way I felt. Its not that I was angry, it’s that I no longer needed a dad. I still love my mom more and more everyday for doing hers and his job in one. Now sadly my daughter’s father has done the exact same thing.
Not everyone is ment to be a parent. As fucked as that sounds uts true. Maybe his absence is what’s best for the kids and he is acknowledging that and staying away. I didn’t have a relationship with my bio dad and I don’t feel I missed out. He was a piece.
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Your kids will be fine. He’s the one missing out.
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Stop trying to force a relationship between them, they are definitely better with out him
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I wouldn’t want someone around my kids that didn’t WANT to be around them.
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It will never make sense. Karma will come one day
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You can’t force him to be a father . Trust me . My son is 4 and his biological father has had no contact with him in 3 years . He will see him in public and act like he don’t know who he is . It’s sad that they do that to the children
Unfortunately moms do it too… helping raise 2 grands… she abused them. Son is military…
Won’t pay 100 a month. Only seen them 1 time this yr and we are only an hr from her… her bf had the nerve to say she tries and I’m to busy lol. She won’t even video chat them. They are 2 with fasd and 3 with Autism
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Trust me when I say this. Your kids aren’t missing out on anything. If their father and his family are opting out of their lives, than they’re probably not the type of people you want in their lives anyway. Real family loves unconditionally and doesn’t turn their back on you. They show up, support you in any capacity necessary, they’re accepting and they have your back regardless of the situation. If anything, they are the ones missing out on getting to know your children.
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Just be there for them … you can’t force a parent to have any kind of contact if they don’t want to
I was raised by my grandparents… til i was old enough to take care of myself… my dad had another family out in the city and my mom died when i was 9… ur kids are lucky to have you… even if they dont show it yet… i always wished one of my parents came back… but my dad did when i turned 14?-15?.. i had already moved out of my grandparents tho…
ive always been on my 2 feet… i do stuff for myself esp if my kids want something… im not gonna put my little ones through what i went through… u may not know it yet but your doing good!.. its the fathers loss for not wanting to know his kids
Sometimes it really is a blessing, would you rather force a man that isn’t going to give any? To give half? To not give a shit? It’ll hurt them worse in the long road.
You can’t force anything. My boys went thru the same and after my oldest turned 18 he went by his dad and realized why I didn’t want him around and now at 21 he no longer wants anything to do with him and my other boy could care less about his. My girls are going thru this with their grandma not really being in their lives. My 12 year old is just done with it and my 5 year old hasn’t really caught on but still calls and asks to spend time with her but she can’t or is too busy but questions me why does her other cousin get to be by her and not her. I’m thankful for my family and their aunt who does things with them and all. You just do for them and not let it get to you. You can’t change others.
They’re old enough to decide if they want a relationship with their dad. I’ve gone through the same with my 2 kids minus child support. No matter how much I tried, their dad was an absent father. It’s no longer up to you.
They aren’t missing out because he sounds like a horrible person… So is his mom involved? Since you were able to contact her to give him the numbers does she have any relationship with the kids?
I would never ever want someone around my kids that DIDN’T want them in their life.Just like my ex husband,after I left he never tried to contact my son or even send a card,anything.He knows where my moms lives,her #,yet he chooses to stay away.His loss.
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Karma will get him. He will die a lonely old man without one of his kids by his side
So sad that not only didnhe abandon them sonhas his family. They are not missing out. People who do this are not worth knowing.
Once a jerk, always a jerk
Why would you want him to be a part of their lives knowing he doesn’t want to be there? Why would you want your kids to be around their bio dad knowing THEY know he’s not interested?
I’m sorry that happened but you need to let go of that for your own peace. Just keep being a good and supportive parent.
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Feel blessed that he pays child support, and the rest of it is his loss.
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I have a granddaughter I am raising. Her so called father has not seen her for 12 years. She’s 17 and he never reached out. Just as well cause he would make promises he wouldn’t keep and hurt her more.
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Maybe ask the Grandma if she wants to meet her grandson and any of his other family that way they will know a part of their dad’s family even if he doesn’t want to be a part of their life
If his family is interested, they could definitely have a relationship with them without him. But, unfortunately, it doesn’t sound like they are that interested either if they’ve let it go this long without trying to reach out to them and that’s sad. Just surround them with a loving community, that’s all you can do. I will never understand either how a parent can just abandon their children with no second thought, so I don’t know what to tell you about that.
It doesn’t have to make sense to you, it makes sense to him. As shitty as that is, that’s his choice. He realized family wasn’t for him and left before he resented them. Consider it a blessing in disguise
His family doesn’t even want to know the kids? So sad. Definitely their loss
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Don’t chase him or make your kids be in his life. They see who is there for them. They aren’t missing out believe that.
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Count yourself and your kids lucky. He’s not a good person. They don’t need him… you should have just cut him loose made him pay child support and alimony and moved on found a better man that would have loved your kids as his own. His family is obviously no better … if they didn’t stay in your kids lives either they’re not worth it. Don’t belittle yourself don’t beg … all you had to say was your loss. Move on.
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