Legally what can my ex do?

I'm in a very unpleasant situation, been with my partner for 5 years, we had a 2 year and the problems started 8 months ago when we stoped being intimate he would always find excuse we tried therapy didn't work and a month and a half ago he kicked us out of the house we've been living at his mum but I decided to go back to my country after he suggested it also but I am planning not to come back anymore. The problem is legally what can he do, he threatened me he will come and hunt me down to get the baby from me, how can I defend myself and what legal action or rights I have and is there any authority that will give him the baby, also forgot to mention we live in UK, thank u so for the help!

First off I don’t think he can do much simply because it’s not kidnapping. Where are you and the child citizens of? I’m not sure how that would play a role. But if neither of you have legal custody he would have to play it out through court as the cops will not get involved in a probate matter.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Legally what can my ex do?

Married or not married? Look up parents rights when it comes to split up couples. Not sure how it goes in the UK for married or unmarried. I know in certain States in the US,unwed single mothers have full custody rights over the child in question,but married soon to be divorced is a different story tho


Contact your local womens refuge, if he is making threats like that you will be safe there as they wont give out the adress. I am from uk and know someone who has done this. Married or not if you or the child could be in danger you dont have to see him personally. Contact can be arranged in a contact centre later on down the line, if you do decide to stay in uk.

Usually u cannot move to another country if u don’t have full custody. I mean it’s not legal and it’s not moral for the kid, unless he was abusive or hurting his kid and even then u need a court order

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Birth certificate. Is he named on it. As over in the UK to have parental rights you have to be named on the birth certificate. He can take you to court and obtain rights to be put on it though but it will cost x

I only know as my friend doesn’t have the father named on her children’s certificate and she left the UK without any permission from him as he doesn’t have parental rights through the certificate

Me on the otherhand, even taking my kids on holiday outside the UK I gain written consent from their father and take with me x

If he really wanted the baby he wouldn’t have put you and the baby out of the house. So he’s going to have to answer for that. you would not have left the country if you were not made homeless.

He kicked both her and baby out, where does he reserve the rights to take his child from her?

In Pennsylvania you are not allowed to move a child out of their out of their COUNTY of residence without the knowledge of the other parent. You need custody on paper with the courts. As far as his verbal threat to come find you, again it has to go thru the courts for a protection order IF he has hurt either of you before. IF you have proof he said you can leave then just file custody paperwork in the courts where you live.

You would have to get full custody to be able to decide the residence of the child. My husband and I spent 2 years back and forth in court for his daughter, but we now have full custody and we are the ones who can decide where we live. Regardless of what the mother says. Legally, all he can do is get a lawyer and fight you for custody.

F*** him he wasn’t worried when he put you and your child out ,as long as your not married you can take the child where u want! If unmarried no one has full custody ! The parent who has the child fulltime is the one to make decisions !

In uk unless his name is on birth certicate you have sole parental responsibility, what local authority are you under? Xx

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Like stated above if you are not married the mother has full custody of the child until a court says otherwise. You can move where ever you want, that is most states not sure about the uk. Just looked it up online or call a lawyers office and ask them, most will do free consultation over the phone.

Also highly unlikely he would be awarded custody unless you are the world’s worst mum, what country have you come from? And keep any communications where he has told you to go xxx

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If his name is on the birth certificate he could technically come and take your child and then you’d have to fight to get your baby back seek some legal advice regarding parental rights etc if there’s abuse involved then that needs to be discussed with whomever u contact

Find out the law where you at pertaining to your parental rights. Let one of your relatives that you trust and he doesn’t know about take care of your child. Stand your ground. When he see you mean business he’ll back off…

If you have it in writing that he told you to go back home, he’s actually screwed himself. Do you have anything in writing/message?


After six months he would have to petition the courts in your country. I would wait it out if I were you

I’m thinking the fact that he kicked you and his child out of the home would be considered abuse of some kind. Where would he expect you to go? What a jerk!

If you both have custody you cannot go out of the country unless y’all go to court about it. But if you have full custody, he can’t really do anything about it unless he takes you to court. The way you said he would find y’all and hunt you down to take the baby , it sounds like he might be abusive. If he is abusive to you or the baby the courts need to know that immediately. And if he is abusive you need to file a restraining order for you and the baby and that will help you if you go to custody court. But if he’s not doing anything abusive and if he’s a good I would think about it a little more bc whatever decision you make, the person it affects the most is your baby. But then again he can’t be that good of a man if he kicked the mother of his child and his child. If he really cared about his child he wouldn’t of kicked the both of you out. I would need more info before I can really tell you in detail what advice to give. The only advice I really have is your number one job is to make sure that baby is safe, and to make every decision by doing what is best for your child. To me tho, it sounds like he doesn’t care for either one of you. He knows you aren’t from this country and he kicked out you and his child. You were forced to live with his mom. That just doesn’t scream a dad who cares about his child. My second daughter, her dad is harmful to her. Every time he came around even tho he visited at my house, he always ended up hurting her every single time he saw her I would see it with my own eyes. He always said they were “accidents” but it’s him not listening to me and not paying attention to his actions that ended up hurting my child. And it was every single time he was here. He pays child support, but I have full rights so I told him until he takes parenting classes and a cpr class he can’t be around her at all. He keeps threatening court but he can’t afford it, nor does he have a stable home life. So if we do go to court I know the judge will decide with me. I’ve raised my daughter by myself for almost two years now. So in my case I know he doesnt have the means to have her ever by himself even if it was just 50/50 custody, he’s never had her more than a few hours at a time, he has no idea how to care for a child. See if it’s a situation where you are scared that if you coparent with him that it would hurt you or your child, then it would be a little different. If you see my comment you can always message me and I can help more with more info I have.

I’d ask someone there because I’d also figure there could be issues pertaining to where the child has citizenship. Like if it was born in the US you have it because that’s where you used to live but would you also need to get it for the child as well? Or would they still be legally considered to have it here? I’m js mostly because I’m unfamiliar with how that works and I’d double check that :sweat_smile: like would you need to apply for the baby to have it there?

You should probably ask a real lawyer instead of Facebook know it alls lol :joy:

You should contact a lawyer. You need the correct info from a professional girl.

You cannot remove a child from a country without both parents’ permission, and how dare you even consider it.


He’s not coming…go to your country quietly and stock with your laws


Here in the US if there’s no court order than there’s nothing he can do. U can leave and take ur child. Now if he files for custody and wins u will have to move back. He can also ask the judge to stop u from moving so many miles away from him. So u will be stuck where ever he is at. That is only if he files for custody and wins though. Then he would het the child every other weekend and every other holiday. Something like that.

Legally you can’t leave the country with the child without a court order if he is on the birth certificate.


Go to court, if he kicked you out and your support is in another country the judge might understand and approve it but I’m afraid if you just leave he can have something on you for leaving with his baby .

The only thing is hopefully you didn’t delete any texts or him being crazy. If you have those texts or proof that he agreed for you to move out and go back to your country. Then those will help you in court. Always keep your texts for proof!

In a situation Were you are not legally married……Unless there is a legal document (court order) that states you need the other parents permission, then you don’t need his approval to leave the country. Cops will not interfere if there is no legal document/order. But at the same time, since there is no legal document, he also has those rights to go get his kid and leave too. If you leave before he can do any court filings, then he has to go and search for you to serve you legal documents to appear in court. And he has to prove to the court that you received said documents. Then if you do receive them, you will have to appear or file documents from your own country. And if you don’t appear, and he’s proven that you were given notice, he can be granted a default judgment and even full custody. Then he can use that order to force authorities to retrieve his kid but only if he follows up on it, otherwise the document is there incase you return and will be put into effect immediately. I traveled with no issues. He could not stop me because there was no legal order. If he really wanted to, he could of taken me to court but he never did.
And you can go get child support order first without having to go get a custody order. But once you leave the country you will have to notify child support and they will know where you are if you are still wanting to collect. And he can use that to find you. This is what I have experienced.

If you are married…. Pretty much the same applies, unless there is a court order he or you can take the child anywhere you please. Again, cops will not interfere unless there is an order. But in a married situation it will make you the bad guy for leaving and taking his kid if he does try to fight for his rights. He can use that against you stating that you have already ran off with his kid. In a married situation, it is more sensitive.

I’m in CA
Good luck

If he is on the birth certificate or u are married u both share 50/50 responsibilities for the child. Yet if u have proof of threats and violence then contact the courts and got a order that states if he has the child under law he has to bring him back to u. Leaving with the child is a hard one as u can say ur taking child on holiday if stopped at airport. There is quite a few custody support pages on Facebook for the uk and a lot of knowledgeable people who have been in this situation

U not allowed leave the country more then 3 months with out he’s promission??

In the us I think you are only allowed to move a total of 150 miles without the other parent’s permission in writing and permission from judge. I tried to move to another state and was denied. Even though he was a dead beat father he still had rights

Figure out what the laws are in his county. Once you tell the judge he kicked the baby out too he’ll more than likely lose the case. Keep proof of threats. In some states of the US fathers dont have rights unless he’s established paternity with courts if the child is born out of wedlock.

My exhusband and I split 9 years ago we lived in ky I moved back to nj cause that’s where I’m from and my family nobody stopped me and I didn’t brake any laws for you safety and ur child’s (if he is abusive ) move back home with family

So many factors. Is it a euro country or further a field? Where is your support system?
Does he want shared care?
Why did he kick you out? Was he emotionally abusive?
You need to seek confidential advice.

Don’t know how true it is…but I was told when I had my daughter since me and the father weren’t married even tho he was on the birth certificate I had full custody of her even tho we didn’t have any court papers…im in the US

If you haven’t been to court and there’s no custody agreement or order you can live wherever you want because you both have the same rights right now… basically if he found you and took the baby and didn’t want to give it back he could also do that too and it’s at that point where you can file with the court to decide custody… he could file for custody here in the US and request that you bring the baby back but that might be a long process since you’re now in a different country… the question is how did you leave the country? Since to get the passport for your child you both would have needed to sign and agree to it. If he was ok with your child having a passport then that’s his problem too… but know that once it expires you probably won’t be able to renew it without his signature again and it’s at that point you may want to file to get full legal custody…

Unfortunately if his name is on the birth certificate you need his permission to take the child out of the country

You are kidnapping the child if you are going back without his content …it’s illegal😶 if you both have custody you end up in jail


If you don’t have an order in place you can leave the country.

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I’m in UK. They won’t do shit if you come home n don’t go back. The US might though if you go back so make sure your 100% sure your not going bk to US x


In the us, if the baby is with you he can’t take him/ her without your blessing, because without a court order you each have equal custody. If the baby is with a relative or anyone else, he can, and it’s not kidnapping and he doesn’t have to give them back either. Went thru similar situations, both myself and friends.
Generally it would be done or filed wherever the childs primary residence is.
If you’re not married and he’s not on the certificate/no acknowledgment of paternity then you’re golden, he’s got no rights unless he wants to petition and pay for a test. If you were married he’s on the certificate even if he’s not the dad. Had a friend have to fight his BM ex husband bc she was still married when she had their son and her husband’s name got put on the certificate. It’s bullshit. (Imagine if it worked like that for women; husband gets mistress pregnant, and the wifes name goes on the certificate… patriarchy)
I think you should start with an order of protection for the threats, and petition for custody immediately. In some places in the US you can get what’s called an Ex Parte order, so he can’t take the child while awaiting an actual hearing.

Your best bet is to seek legal advice out there. Someone who truly knows the laws of there. I wish you the best of luck

If you have legal aid I would suggest going and talking with them

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Yes u can leave the uk for up for up to a max of 30 days IF he is on the birth certificate . If your married he also can get a induction on you to NOT remove your child within a certian distance and gains visitation rights

However if your NOT married and not on the birth certificate dispise him legally being the dna fathers he has no right in saying where you and your child can live and does NOT have any legal

right for visits even if he pays for the child !

Please keep all evidence . Texts . Emails . Photos.letters. recordings as IF a legal summens went to court you will need to prove corsive behaviour from him … wish u all the strength as ive been their and done all of that x

In situations like this take him to court first. dont let him see the kid especially unattended cause if he takes baby you wont get baby back until yas go to court .as of right now you both have rights to the child so if he takes baby nothing you can do. same youve got her so nothing he can do but take you to court unless you hand babe over to him or give him oppertunity to take babe(it would not be kidnapping he has rights to).seen as your in another country take him to court first then he will have to travel where you are if he takes you to court first you might have to go back to where he is for court(not sure about what will happen cause of covid ).get legal advice from a lawyer as soon as you can obviously if your not going back to him its better you take action before he of luck to you and baby

I went through the same thing with my x threatening to not being my son back to me after visitation… The solicitor told me that as long as I have residency, it would be against the law for him to take and keep my son… Even though we had joint custody i could call the police and get my son back. Usually the parent who the child lives with, has residency… But go see a solicitor anyway, just to be sure it’s still the same as this was 20 yes ago. Plus if he gave you permission to take your child to a different country then you’ve done nothing wrong. Good luck.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Legally what can my ex do?

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You legally can’t move the child out of the country without his consent if the child was born in the uk.


If he is a good dad and have no reason for you to stop him seeing baby then you would need his consent and they would let him have visiting rights anyway x

You left the country after he suggested it. Therefore you left with his permission.


You can’t stop him seeing his child over your relationship issues you’ll have to set up contact somehow sorry that’s wrong


If the child was born in the UK you cannot remove the child from the UK for more than 4 weeks without express permission of the other parent and or a family court judge


It sounds like it was his idea for you to move back to your home country?!

Also, just because he isn’t a good partner doesn’t mean he isn’t a good dad. Children deserve to know and see BOTH parents UNLESS deemed unsafe by a family court.


Why would you deprive your child of seeing their father and having a relationship with him? Whatever relationship issues you two have with each other, you do not have the right to use your child as a pawn. Unless he is abusive towards the child, there isn’t any good reason for you to deprive your child if a relationship with their father.

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When you have a child with someone, it’s an invisible contract with that person for life. It doesn’t matter what the parents did to each other, it’s about the kids


Where are you currently living? What is ur home country? What is his home country?


He kicked y’all out he probably dont want the kid he just wants to make your life hell and scare you


You need to break this down into parts. First and foremost you need to make sure you have a stable environment for yourself and the child to live. Once you have found this environment whether it is in your home country or his then you should work towards an agreement of some description. This would need to be 1. you move back to the country he lives and create a home separately to him. Then shared custody. 2. You stay in your country but then arrange for your child to be sent for periods of time with his father in the UK. Either way the father has a right to be with his child, a child has a right to have his father in his life.


Ok, if you left just from a conversation it’s your word against his. There’s no way around that. If you have messages evidencing this that’s a very different conversation.

IF you don’t have messages and it is your word against his you have three options:

  1. Continue as you are and find a lawyer to argue your case and give your reasons for doing so in good faith.

  2. Facilitate contact, video calls, zoom etc. (Even if you’re allowed to stay it would be expected anyway) and potentially infrequent contact face to face.

  3. Be prepared… speak to a lawyer, taking a child without the other parents consent is technically kidnap and can be treated as a criminal offence whether it’s your child or not.

If you have messages to evidence him advising you to go, find a lawyer and stand your ground.


You may need to contact social services for some support and advice, also any text messages he sends to you keep them all do not delete as this will help you if this ends up in court, the best thing for you to do is to allow him to see your child unless he is abusive towards the child, then you are allowed to stop access but theres no other reason for him not to be allowed to see his child, go to citizens advice also and see if they may be able to suggest something but dont try fighting your ex all by yourself, you need legal advice and back up….if he abused you in any way get hold of a womens refuge again if he wasnt abusive this isnt an option but if he was abusive if you go to womens refuge this will also help you to keep custody of your child, you do need to be doing something so the best is acheived for everyone especially your child x

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His child as much as yours.
Grow up…!!
Go see a solicitor and take appropriate action and follow correct protocol.


Is he on the birth certificate cause if not he can’t do anything. If he is you will need his permission to leave the UK permanently with his kid.


You have no right to keep the child from the father


Well that is kidnapping you could go to prison for a long time how dare u take this baby from it’s father


He made u & ur child homeless! Get yourself to a family lawyer for advice. He gave u his consent to go home, go back to your family, do what’s best for you & your baby! Good luck


Go to the court and take full custody. Plain and simple


The child is usually considered a citizen of the country they were born in.
You are not a citizen of that country.
Yes the father has a stronger claim in most courts to the baby if he is a citizen of the same country as the baby.
He can take your baby & deny you rights to your own child(you not being a citizen) just as you are trying to do to him.
Be careful, may God bless you & this family.


Some real double standards on here. If it was the dad wanting to move to another country with the child because the mum kicked them out doubt you would be saying the same. Social services are there if she wants to stop contact, if the dad is not interested then he will sign his rights over, but surprised how many people think that one shitty action warrants an OK to move to another country regardless of what the other parent wants


Take it to court, they are the only ones that can sort this out for you.


If you are feeling threatened by him and fear for your safety and your child’s safety then it may be an idea to seek refuge in a women’s refuge and make a report to the police stating you fear for yours and your child’s safety


IMO… to save yourself from being charged abduction. Go back and go to court and ask for permission to go abroad.

“The welfare and best interests of the child (in particular, if the parent wishes to take the child abroad for a better life); whether or not the proposed move is an attempt by the parent with care to stop the child seeing the non-resident parent; any harm that may come to the child; the capability of each parent; and the child’s wishes.”

But don’t keep your child away from their father. Let them have that bond. Try to be civil because it will affect the child. It will be an ugly battle, just try not to make it ugly for the child’s welfare. Remember it’s about the child, it’s no longer about you and your ex.


For everything taking his side did y’all skip over the part where he put her and their kid out? I can understand making her leave but the kid as well. No sir. Speak to an attorney and have proof he put y’all out. Yes he may still have to have visitation but he’s not to be trusted if he can allow his kid to be homeless and it was because of him the child was :woman_shrugging:t4:


Make sure whatever you do that you don’t let him make a contingency fof geographical restrictions.

Whether you agree with the situation or not the UK legalities are that the child cannot be removed from the UK without the permission of both parents
However… if there are issues of child protection concerns and threats etc to the mother social services and the police should be immediately informed… everyone has a duty of care to protect vulnerable persons and can report such cases to the relevant authorities
Wherever the mother and child are in the UK they have access to relevant information and assistance
I was a child protection and safeguarding lead in 2 London boroughs and it is the same legislation nationwide
It is somewhat complicated by the fact that the woman concerned moved in with her mother in law… there may be additional underlying issues concerning that… but the woman concerned must contact the relevant authorities immediately

Legally hes has 50% parental rights as the law change back in 2004, unless up go to a solicitor and get a full custody order

Take bubs on holiday he cant stop u unless he has a court order . I’ve been there . U go a have a break. To get u head together a get advise . Has he been visiting the bubs .

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I was left high and dry by a Romanian man and I’m a British citizen, he also left me pregnant. He is not on the birth certificate and dosnt have any contact with me either.
Do what you think is best for you and the situation the man put you in. X

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All depends if he’s on the birth certificate or not. If he’s not, then he has no paternal rights and can’t do much. If he is on the birth certificate, you can’t take your child to another country to live without his permission. I would contact a solicitor and they’ll tell you where you stand and take it from there. Good luck. Xx

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I don’t know your rights over in UK. However I’d go and not come back. You’ve put your child first and he didn’t. Here he has to prove he’s the father. Maybe he won’t go through the trouble to do all that if he kicked his own child out. Good luck.

Just go and don’t look back!

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“I will hunt you down and take the baby” sounds like a real nassasist to me. That being g said though it is illegal for you to withhold him from seeing your child unless there is real concern. So I would do as most people have suggested and seek legal advice. Keep all communication with him logged so you can prove why you don’t want the dad involved. Remember though it is YOUR child that will suffer in the long run. So please make sure the child is put first, no matter what

Any man that kicks out his child and makes them homeless, is not a real father, and the judge will say the exact same thing. Kicking him out says he didnt want him to start with.


Get a lawyer like now and make an application to the courts to move home so you won’t be worrying he made ye homeless at the end of the day he hasn’t left you with much choice

Go to ur court house and file for full custody…right now you both have custody till one of y’all do that . Then make his ass pay for a lawyer to fight for his rights if he wants them …chances are if he kicked you out then he probably don’t care enough to do that …so I would take my child leave and go where my family is …point blank

Call citizens advive burea, call family law advisors citizens advice could direct u. Call womens aid. Call the local towns council tht u have returned to.

The courts can protect you.

Whatvu need is advice. Not judgement. No presumptions. Facebook is so opinionated. I trust in your judgement and respect everythingvis not black and white.
But you mustvfeel secure with you child. Call all these places they will direct u to who can help.

Good luck. And dont worey will all work out on the end xx

U win now. U lose later

You must go to court first and file a petition for custody. In the US here they will serve you with a Habeas Corpus and bring you right back. Make the first move to protect yourself.


If you don’t have a custody order from the court it could be considered kidnapping that you have the child in another country and preventing the father his rights to the child. You should go back and get this straightened out legally asap

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Keep all his messages about hunting u down to take the kid etc u will need them for any court, but I’d say jump on plain back to U.K. maybe try a women’s refuge for advice as gives paper trail also useful in court

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I seriously would ask a lawyer. I know people try to help but I hate to have you get the wrong information.


Honestly it’s unlikely they’d extradite you or your child even if legally you weren’t allowed to leave. I’d just go.


You can rent here, ask for legal advice (through legal aid if you are on low income). Family lawyer will be able to advice you. Unfortunately without say so of the court, you can’t take your child abroad for more than 3 weeks a year. Contact women’s aid at the place of where you are.

Please handle this the right way, with professional advice. Get in touch with a lawyer.


Get advice from lawyer.

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Obtaining temporary custody is your first move

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If he’s on the birth cert then he can go to court to stop you moving out of the country or area. If he’s not then he can apply to be on the birth cert, and you’d have to remain until that is done. After that he can apply for regular contact, shared care or to be the resident parent. He’d have to prove you are unfit to be the resident parent to change though. It depends what country you move to and their laws if he wants to follow you there and abduct your child and bring them back to the UK. If you ring a Family Law firm ask if they offer a free 30 minute consultation. If they do, make an appointment and ask lots of questions. That way you are informed. Good luck