My 10 year old daughter doesn't have friends, will she be okay?

She has acquaintances and socializes well, but doesn't have anyone who asks her to hang out on the weekends or really ever. She is a darling, super sweet and extremely kind, (to a fault almost....she has a history of getting taken advantage of in certain situations, giving things to people, spending her money on others, etc...) The lack of social interaction outside of sports and school doesn't seem to bother her, and there are no red flags at home or school as far as her keeping to herself or isolating. She thrives in all aspects. I guess more than anything I just feel bad for her. Anyone is else in the same situation with their daughter? Any advice to help me feel like this is normal or will be ok? Thanks in advance
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Omg this is exactly my 12 year old daughter. As a mom it breaks our heart knowing that our daughter is lonely. We as a parent need to look closely how they behave. We need to talk to them alot about it. Make sure she is happy. I talk to her time to time telling her that its ok not to have friends just try your best not to feel lonely. I told my daughter to meditate which helps alot with these kind of issues. Even it doesn’t bother them just in case. I even got her phone with plenty of data so she can use during lunch time to kill time. Unfortunately her school doesn’t allow phones in school. I myself went thru not having friends in high school and because of it I dropped out of high school. I told her how my career was ruined just because I didn’t have friends. I made her understand that friends are not that important and there are even people without friends are happier than people who have friends. It good to have friends but also not bad to not have friends.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My 10 year old daughter doesn't have friends, will she be okay?

My daughter is the same way for the most part. She has one friend and that’s about it. They don’t hang out really, but are great friends. She’s happy, sweet as can be, but she’s just a loner. Kids don’t really go to friends houses anymore, I don’t think.

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As an adult who has plenty of friends and socializes often, I will say some of us prefer to be alone outside of social settings :woman_shrugging:t4: As long as it doesn’t bother your daughter, I wouldn’t worry too much.

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My baby is the same. She’s happy to have her own space most the time once she is done with school and running. There is one occasional friend that will come over but that’s once or twice a month

I was that child. She’s an introvert. It’s ok. She’s happy. If she’s not. She’ll tell you. Build a mom and daughter time to talk. That way you know she’s good. Maybe find a hobby. Reading or knitting or cooking. Warn her of people who use other’s. Especially if she has such a giving heart. Teach her to write in a journal. Help her find an interest. God bless.

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She just hasn’t found that one true friend yet. My 10yr old has 2 friends at school. The other girls tell her she cant play or be friends with them because she isn’t popular. I told her then those are not girls that you should be friends with. You kinda have to be picky who are your friends are.

She’ll be okay. I didn’t have friends either. I was a loner, so was my hubby & we are comfortable not having friends. It’s really not a train smash

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Are there children that she has expressed an interest to hang out with? If so, has she asked them to hang out? Maybe she could ask them instead of waiting to be asked.

It’s hard to know. If she seems content…maybe gently find a way to ask her… I really didn’t care to socialize with many. Didn’t like busy…or gossipy giggly stuff. It just was my nature to have a very few friends…and didn’t really care to do outside social things… Some are very content with not being a socialite.

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Try to get her into some kind of team sport or team of anything

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My 10 year old daughter doesn't have friends, will she be okay?

She’s still young and times have changed. Honestly when my kids are older they are 8 and 5 right now I don’t think I would allow them to go over to friends houses unless I actually knew the parents on a friendship level. It’s not like when we were little you can’t trust anyone these days at it’s sad. Maybe if you have friends with kids invite them over to hangout and see how she responds

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Make sure she falls in love with herself, that she never has to doubt who she is.
I was like that and for a while I had a hard time as I later didn’t fit into people ideals
But I am embracing myself more and more I don’t look like/act like others but I’m me

Forging my own path :heart:

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I was this way, but I enjoyed it and craved my peace. Im still this way. Not many friends, maybe 3 real friends that I talk to. You could try a play date and see if she enjoys it, but if it doesn’t bother her that may just be how she is mama. My 12 year old plays basketball and has friends at school but she doesn’t hangout, she enjoys being alone.

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Why feel bad for her if she’s happy and healthy… sounds like you’re projecting.

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I wouldn’t worry about her right now. From what you said it seems she’s involved in sports so she participating in something with others. You said she has acquaintances and socializes well,I’m no sure why you’re concerned. Just because she’s not going over to her friends or doing sleepovers etc doesn’t mean she has a problem. Just let her be herself…she’ll know when she wants to change that stuff. I know a young lady that was the same way at that age…nothing wrong with her waiting until she’s comfortable. Nobody wants to be forced to “like” people or be made to feel guilty for not hanging out etc like others. Let her just be a happy little 10 year old.

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Do you coordinate play dates, birthday parties and connections with other moms & kids?

Thats just her personality. Not everyone needs to be surrounded by people to be happy.

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She be just fine and soon you’ll wish those frikkin friends were gone!
Two grown! I promise

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I was like that. Made my first (and basically only)friend at 13 and we were friends till I was 23-24? I’m 29.

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My daughter is the same. Girls are different now. They aren’t loyal and don’t invest the time we did with our BFFs in the 90s. And this goes somewhat for my daughter too. I have encouraged her to put effort into creating and maintaining friendships. There is value in have a good girl tribe. But everything is a competition now. She has girls she will do things with but not the bffs always at the house etc… just strange to me.
If she is unbothered I wouldn’t worry.
Involvement in extra curricular activities can sometimes promote friendships and provide an opportunity to meet different girls then just school.
Good luck

Not to be a Debbie downer, but I’ve came to realize with my daughter and her “friends” the ones who seems sweet and nice are usually not.

But your daughter will be fine. I would suggest a club of some sort 4h girl scouts…

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My daughter is 12. He had 2 best friends when she was 10. They were both dramatic and always mad about something. After a year and a half of all that she cut them off. She said she doesn’t want no part of that. Lol. She hangs out at home and is content. She sees other people at school with the drama etc and cut it off.

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She sounds like a great kid. My daughter would rather be home with me also and she’s 13. She has friends and goes out but prefers being home. I don’t see anything wrong with that at all. If you spend time together that’s all she needs. I always make time for my daughter on the weekends. Sounds like your daughter is doing just fine❤️

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Honestly she sounds introverted. Which isn’t bad at all, just means she doesn’t have to have as many interactions with other people to be happy or feel validated. Ask her how she feels, without making her feel that she is not normal for it. Has she expressed herself that she would like to have more friends around or to be invited places? If not she is probably A-OK with her current social situation.

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If she is OK with it, I’d say it’s fine. I have 6 almost grown children. Some were into friends, some weren’t. They all different. Some just prefer to play alone. As long as you aren’t seeing signs of depression and keep communication open. It’s fine and nothing is wrong.

She sounds perfectly content just the way she is, my daughter is now 32, she was very similar to your daughter at that age, my granddaughter is 7, there aren’t any children her age in our neighborhood to play with, but she always talks about her lil bffs in school , she socialized there and at her ballet class, it isn’t like the old days where kids were allowed to just go over to a school friends house ,IMO yours is just fine and not to mention " safe’ in her own home living her best life😊

She might just be an introvert. My daughter has friends but doesnt want to be woth them all the time. She enjoys being home.

Does she tell you she wishes she had friends to hang out with or that she feels excluded? Maybe she’s content being alone or is mature enough to know she doesn’t want to see any of those kids in her home or outside of school? She’s very young still. My son was always the “annoying” one. He’d hang out with the teachers or security guard during lunch. He talked a lot about anything and the adults were more polite than the kids. He has Aspergers. Before he was diagnosed, he cried about how alone he felt. I will never forget how deep I felt his pain. I took him to a 13 week social class. They teach kids social techniques and how to pick up on social cues. For 5 weeks I felt it was not working. I was going to drop the program that last week but it happened to be the weekend of my family reunion at the park. I watched as my son had the courage to ask to play in the soccer game, talk to his cousins and was just, social! He’s gone twice more and now he doesn’t have a problem talking to other kids. They have those same classes for typical kids not on the spectrum. If your daughter does not see anything wrong with not having kids to hang out, don’t bring it up. She might truly be ok. What you can do is talk to two or three parents of kids she is friends with at school and take them to dinner and a movie. See how she feels hanging out. Don’t invite them to your house as she may feel pressured to entertain them. Just my two cents. Good luck.

My daughter has spent every weekend with a friend since 2nd grade. But both of my boys really prefer quiet weekends with our family. They have friends but prefer to spend time with them on a very limited basis. I was concerned at first as it was such a stark contrast to my social butterfly daughter but it’s just their personality. It’s totally normal.

Have her ask friends over. It’s a hard age for kids. Usually the parents have to start and encourage them to ask friends to do things

I have a 13 year old that is the same way! She is a straight A student… plays school sports as well as travel soccer… all the teachers love her… she is very well known around school… but she doesn’t have any friends that invite her over or that she invites over… the friends that she says she does have are boy crazy… and are jealous of her… talk behind her back… make comments on their groups chats… etc! I just tell her to be true to herself… don’t change who she is for them!! She is a good girls… smart… athletically talented… pretty… wonderful personality… she has it all! I don’t worry much about it… but I do feel bad for her at times!! Just let your daughter be who she is! She will come to realize who her real friends are!!

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If she’s only 10 she’ll be starting secondary school soon. She’ll be going from a class of 30 to a year group of at least 150 kids. She may find friends that suit her more and have similar interests

You’re lucky. “Friends” can be a nightmare.

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It doesn’t hurt to just have an open conversation with her about it. On one side it could be bothering her a bit. On the other side she could honestly just enjoy the time to herself (I had a few years where I was like this. Just had enough social interaction other places and liked to be on my own when I had the option to) you never know unless you ask :slight_smile:

I never went out on weekends had friends school landlined them twice a week by choice. But I enjoyed being home with my grandparents I’ve never been for gossip or drama. She’s just fine doing what she’s going she just may enjoy being home

There is nothing wrong with being introverted. If shes happy being alone, dont worry. Encourage her to do what makes her happy. The world makes us think that to be happy and successful we must be extroverted, play team sports, have lots of friends… Its just not true and can cause huge stress on introverts. Let her be!

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Sometimes a mom can be the best friend you ever hoped for. Take this opportunity to be her friend, shes at the age where shes going to really need that on “best friend” and I don’t care what anyone says about it, but if your daughter can establish that friendship outside the home, it is okay for you to provide that for her. Spend extra time with her and do fu. friendly things with her. You can also be in her social support network. You can know things about her and talk to her about tougg things shes going through better than a feiend her age ever could. It might make her seem awkward for a time, but as shes grows it will do her well.
Maybe she also needs a little help and guidance in making friends through example. Have some friends over and let her hang out too, in an appropriate fashion.
There isnt anything wrong with her, for sure. But if you worries, take small gentle steps to let her experience other things and if she enjoys it, she’ll then understand how to do accomplish that in her life, in her own way.

This has been me my entire life. Still bothers me deep down.

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My 11 year old daughter, as well as my 13 year old son are both this way.

I didn’t have any good friends until I was in the fifth grade… I think I’m doing alright. 🤷

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My 10 year old is like this too… I don’t necessarily worry about it seeing school has only been in for a month where we live and she does have friends at school. Plus, last year she did all virtual, so it was hard for her to make friends.

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Maybe find out if there are any kids she wants to be friends with and invite them to do things after school or in the weekends it will help them build a friendship one on one outside of school then as their friendship grows maybe the other parent will do the same and start inviting her over.

That’s just the way it is with some kids. I have two daughters, one has never been asked to go anywhere and hasn’t really had anyone over except once and it was a few weekends ago & she’s 13. My other daughter has so many close friends and is always gone or always has someone over and she’s almost 10. My oldest is definitely affected by it, but we let her know she’s awesome just the way she is!

Keep in mind we’re in the “pandemic” too so when parents would encourage social hanging out- it’s not really a big thing much these days anymore…

My daughter is the same. She just doesn’t like people and she stays to herself except for her cousin. I’m not worried.

I was the same way. a people pleaser to keep friends. once I realized they really didn’t care about me I cut them off and haven’t had any friends in a few years…just waiting for an honest caring person to come around. teach her her value and to not give without receiving as well. :two_hearts:

That’s how I was growing up. I was a social bug at school but never really hung out with anyone. I just was that way. I liked to keep my personal life at home. Now at 24 I realize that stuff like that doesn’t matter and I’m okay with that. Not going to lie the only hard to do was bridesmaids at my wedding but one was my sister, my brothers girlfriend and 2 friends that really only talk to me when they need something. :sweat_smile:

Tell her to make the first move

Non of my friends ever asked to hang out outside school either. It did make me sad, but what can you do?

However the kids on my block always asked to play, and I got invited to a lot of birthday parties. So I grew up a little sad, but ok. Now I understand that because I’m autistic and ADHD that it was probably difficult to get attached to me since I’m different. So I’ve made peace with it.

Hopefully your daughter will make friends in middle and high school elementary friends don’t really stick around anyway. I have like 2 elementary friends still lol.

This is, and has always been me. It doesn’t bother me, never has, I prefer to stay away from the drama, maybe she does too :woman_shrugging: there is a surprising amount of drama even at her age on schools now days

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She sounds fine to me, but maybe offer to throw her a sleep over and ask her if there is anyone she would like to come. My daughter is popular at school but only hands out with her friends outside of school every once in awhile, her choice. I didn’t have many friends myself and the ones I did have honestly were just exhausting.

Thats me and there is nothing wrong with her. Shes an intrivert. I hate hanging out with people or being around people. Indo go out every now and then with my husband.

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My son is like this. He is close to my 5 year old great nephew and that’s about all he has in the way of friends to play/hang out with. He won’t participate in any other activities (sports, scouts, karate) with kids close to his age. He’s been like this since he was small (11 now). I hoped as he got older it would change. I’m still hoping it will. But I’ve also have come to accept that this is the way he is and might be for the rest of his life. I’ve tried to get my son involved in activities outside of school and home but he breaks down crying at the mention of it. I just don’t push the issue and hope that he’ll do it on his own. And if not, that’s ok too.

Give her time she may find that friend she just clicks with

Leave her alone. If she hasn’t expressed this as a negative, this may be her personality. I have many acquaintances and socialize very well. But home is my sanctuary and time to be quiet.

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all my sons were the same way…now as grown men they have maybe 2-4 really good friends. I’ve asked my 16 and 18yr old sons if they are okay with not having many friends they both have stated they aren’t worth making friends with plus they are trouble makers and act childish and are disrespectful. Maybe your daughter feels it’s best not to associate or make friendships with certain kids.

Sounds to me like you raised a girl who isn’t afraid to March to the beat of her own drum and isn’t trying to change herself to be one of the “cool kids”.

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I never had friends I’m fine lol a little crazy but all the best ones are :smirk::upside_down_face:

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Some people are like that…I was like that as a child and I still am. She’s probably am introvert or even an Empath and to much socializing can drain her.

My 11 year old boy is a friend to all when out in public or social settings but he never wants to go hang out and do much outside of when he’s there in the moment. He always says he rather just chill at one with me and the dogs :woman_shrugging:

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My granddaughter Braylea is 10 and in the same situation. Of course we do live in a very rural area so there’s no neighborhood kids her age. But I don’t think kids go to each other’s house’s and hang out like we did. People seem to stay to themselves. She does okay but I feel the same way because I grew up in a neighborhood full of kids. Today her cousins my other grandkids are over and they have been playing all day.

My daughter has just turned 10 and she is like the she prefers her own company x

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She will be just fine she has the only friend she will ever truly need writing this post and it will always put her at an advantage when she’s older xx :heartbeat:xx

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Put her in dance class or something like that out of the house to give her more opportunities with socialization

If she seems happy then there’s no need to feel bad. Some people genuinely like being on their own, people can be very exhausting. But I mean tbh the people you make friends with in school rarely stay in your life.

My kids are still little, but I’m a pretty big introvert myself and I can relate to your daughter. I had at-school friends and acquaintances but didn’t really ever hang out with people, I was more than happy sitting on my own playing video games, coding, reading, etc.
I found that rather than having a whole ton of superficial friends, I’ve picked up one or two “real” ones from each phase of life. I have 1 from HS, 2 from college, one from my first job, 2 from another job, and I met my husband at another job that neither of us ever fit in at. And all of these friends are the sort of people who are cool with only hanging out a few times a year - we keep in touch via FB. My husband also isn’t a huge socialite, he has a handful of friends that he sees once a year, even his best friend probably only pops by once every couple of months. Our family keeps us busy and happy.
I’m really only going the extra step to be social these days to benefit my children. Although I have a good life and am happy and functional, I do wish I’d had a “best friend” type of person and I hope that my girls will have one, but I know they’ll be fine if they don’t - and your daughter will be too. Some people are just more solitary. If she isn’t concerned about it, then don’t worry yourself. She’s dancing to the beat of her own drum rather than following the crowd and that can be a good thing :slight_smile:

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My daughter is 15 and the same way. She talks to girls at school and text with them sometimes but doesn’t ever hang out with them outside of school. She plays sports and loves being at home and spending her time with me and her horses. As long as your daughter is happy and thriving I wouldn’t worry about it as long as there are no red flags.

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I’m 36 and I was this child. I still don’t have close friends. It bothers others more then it bothers me. If I need to talk to someone I always have my family and my therapist. Honestly, I am happy that I don’t have to put that time and effort into maintaining a friendship with someone. I have friends and chat with them every few months or years. But I can focus on myself and the kids.

My daughter was the same way. Never wanted friends to come spend the night but enjoyed hanging out with them at school. When she moved schools, she had one friend from her old school that would come over once in a while. After being at her new school for a couple of years she became good friends with a girl and they hung out in band and then eventually started hanging out on weekends at each other’s house. She’s almost 15 now and just started letting another friend come over and hang out (band friends, doesn’t spend the night). She enjoys her space. Girl, I consider it a blessing because there’s so much trouble kids today are getting in. She’ll slowly open up as she becomes more comfortable.

My son was that way but he found some really good friends when he started high school they are a couple years older than him. He has friends the same age as him now but he gets upset with them for acting immature and takes breaks from them. I think he has always just been a little mature for his age and also a very caring and sensitive guy who when younger caused kids to take advantage

I thought the same of my daughter. I was sad for her for a long time. But she hit that social point where she felt comfortable enough to interact and now she’s 14 and has several friends always asking to come over or her come over or meeting somewhere… we literally cannot keep her with us at any town event lol she always runs off with a friend

My 22 yr old has never had friends that came over .he has social anxiety at 22 its hard meeting people these days.he has friends on line
I.had friends from school and scouts. I don’t have many now

My kid was the same way never really had friends she was very good at her sports and had good grades but she would always say kids her age were stupid and did stupid stuff so she would rather not have friends that her mom and her moms friends were her friends and that was more than enough now she is 20 a LPN going to school to get her RN or more hopefully and has grown up to be a successful human so she’ll be OK

I grew up this way as a young girl! I don’t remember it being as lonely from my perspective but I was super close with my family. By the time I hit middle school/high school I started forming close relationships with people and grew up just fine

I was this way as a kid both extroverted and introverted and still am. Sometimes it’s nice to have some down time from socializing to recuperate for the next bit of socializing. I think I turned out fine.

Most 10 yr Olds only have cousins or school friends during school. We as a society can’t teach our children they need someone to be happy

As long as she participates and enjoys team sports or activities she has interaction ….maybe have a movie night and invite a few friends over and have pizza and popcorn and see how she is and who she feels are her closest friends that she would want to invite .

My daughter didn’t make “close” friends until she got into college(at 16). Like someone else said, she considered most of her school mates superficial and boring. She said at 12 that she was in a hurry to get her education because she wanted to travel and visit all over the world. She quickly became very social with many long term close friends, some from other countries.

Why not explore how to be a friend? Define what is friendship? Levels of friendship. We all need tools and she may benefit from tackling this now…it doesn’t get easier as kids age.

Pm me, maybe my son will be her penpal

My youngest daughter is 9 and it’s the same for her. Breaks my heart. Sending hugs.

My son is like this.