My 12-year-old daughter randomly goes through my phone and reads my messages, and my husband doesn’t understand why it’s so wrong. He says me getting upset over it makes him think I have something to hide. I don’t hide anything, nor do I need to hide anything. My phone is my personal property, and I don’t like the idea of having to be careful about what I text my friends or what I post on Facebook because my daughter might see it. It Has nothing to do with me being unfaithful. This time her going through my phone ruined a surprise I had for her. Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy because he doesn’t see my side of it. He has trust issues, and I feel like they are rubbing off on her, and she needs to go through my phone, and part of it is that she is just a nosy person. Am I overreacting, or is he wrong? PS. I put a lock on my phone, and she is aware she is not allowed to go through my phone.
She’s 12 she shouldn’t go through your phone.
Get her a phone or tablet
Makes me wonder if he isnt using her to find out if your cheating in him
Add a password. Problem solved.
You’re the mom not her. Put a lock on your phone.
Lock your phone! My phone stays locked and my daughter knows not to touch it UNLESS I give it to her or ask her to get it for me! Your not crazy you have a right to feel the way you do especially with Christmas coming
WHAT. THE FUCK? That is absolutely NOT okay.
Sounds like he’s telling her to do it:joy:
if it were reversed I bet he’d be pissed
You’re the adult she is the child…enough said.
When was the last time you went through his phone?
Would he let her go into your purse??
He is wrong. There is no reason your child, at any age, should be going through your phone. But you are an adult and things you may post, or text about are none of your 12 year olds business. If your husband doesnt trust you, he can look at your phone himself if its that serious smh
No she doesn’t need to be going through your phone. They don’t need to see everything we do and say.
Change the code and maybe only tell your husband the code if he just absolutely has to know it.
Put a lock on it. If he wants to see your messages let him but there is no reason for your daughter to be reading them.
Put a finger print lock. On it. Sometimes me and my man have some sexual convos i wouldnt want our daughter seeing at all.
Start sending your husband some super steamy texts
She’ll be so mortified she’ll never snoop again lol
Your child is not your equal. It’s not about having anything to hide…
Definitely sounds like he’s asking her to do it. Very odd that a 12 year old feels inclined to look through her mother’s texts…
Lock it and only give him the passcode.
Tell her to go through his phone. See if he thinks it’s ok then
Is he projecting? Guilty conscience?
She shouldn’t go through your phone.
my son reads my phone - i don’t keep things on there he shouldn’t see frankly cause I don’t have things in there he shouldn’t see 
He’s 13
One word… boundaries
Children need to be reminded their place sometimes. You are the mother if you tell her to stop going through your phone, then she needs to stop. Now, it’s a different story if Maybe your husband is telling her too? To check up on you? Maybe talk to your husband more about the issue 
I have absolutely no issue with my husband going through my phone. He has my password and can do whatever. But my child absolutely does not have that right. There is absolutely no reason for it!
I feel like I’m the only mom who doesn’t let my kids have any access to my phone. This is my personal property. They are not entitled to it. Establish boundaries!
You did the right thing by putting a lock on it, now go a step further and whatever her surprise was take a back she doesn’t get it because she ruined it.
She’s got the child in check - she’s asking about her husbands reaction-
Why does she feel she can violate your privacy? As your child and a minor at that. She shouldn’t be touching any of your belongings WITHOUT your permission. Especially after making it known you don’t agree with it. Irregardless you’re the mother. And ultimately it’s disrespectful for your husband to undermine you in front of your daughter.
My nosy kids would look at my phone if they got the chance, I keep a password on it. It has been knows my code if he needs it for some reason, but my kids don’t need to know all of my business LOL
Ok don’t get mad breathe then turn the tAbles go thru his phone then hers or if she don’t have a phone something that she considers private like a diary give them their own taste
Oh hell no. Lock your phone. She is a child. I sure as hell don’t want my kids seeing texts I send to my friends about them when they are being frustrating.
It’s totally wrong. I would absolutely lose my sh*t. Also, since she ruined the surprise I would (if purchased already) return it! I’d also change my passcode and make sure she knows she isn’t to touch your phone again. And to top it off…put a pic of a nasty old lady as your screen saver and she will hopefully learn her lesson.
Just delete your messages and sign out of Facebook.
Nobody has the right to go through your phone without permission. Not even your husband. Does she go through his phone? Keep your phone with you and lock it. I’m shocked this is a debate whatsoever.
Just delete some of your messages the ones you don’t want her to read.or put a lock on your phone.
Is there a pass code or finger print on your phone? How is she getting into it?
Like seriously. When did it become OK for a child to act like a grown adult? You are the parent and it’s your phone not hers. I am thoroughly shocked that children are allowed to behave in such a way.
Um no! There is no reason for a child to be going through your phone unless you ask them to. If I am doing something I will ask my son to answer a text or answer a phone call or whatever. But no they should not be going through your phone to be reading your msgs or whatever you are an adult.
Neither my husband nor my kids even go in my purse. Even when I go to the the store and have his smokes in my purse. No one touches my phone.
Well, that’s just hubby’s opinion. Just calmly tell him “thank you but my opinion is _” and move on.
Your daughter needs to learn respect for others, for others property, and respect for others personal space. A phone is no different than a purse, both are personal property and off limits to others. There must not be consequences in place as she repeats doing this.
You’re the Mama, you have to let it be known it’s unacceptable!
Or I’d totally set it up give them something to look at surprise the hell out of them like write texts then at the end write this is all a lie but I knew you would be reading my stuff lol
A child at ANY age has no business reading their parents texts, regardless of the content. It’s called respect. I have twin 12 year olds- they know my code, use my phone for games, pics, etc, but they wouldn’t dare go near my messages. EVER.
She needs to learn boundaries. Never too young to learn boundaries. Sit with her and talk with her about the importance of privacy. But make it clear that when she is to get her own phone you will have to monitor it because she is the child. Put a lock on your phone, she can deal and so can he. Your conscious is clean. Sounds like your hubby should have more trust in you and grow up a little and understand where the other parent is coming from.
Just be careful. If she does the passcode wrong too many times in a row your phone will automatically be wiped. I lost all the pictures I had on my phone (most of the pictures of my daughter’s being born) that way
The issue is not with her daughter. It’s with her husbands reaction. He thinks it’s a non issue and that his wife must be hiding something or being sneaky if she has a problem with the child going thru her stuff.
Why don’t u put a password on it then, pretty simple
First yhought: she is 12 and should have boundaries. Put a lock on it.
Do you think your husband has her doing it
I would be pissed if anyone went through my phone.
Why in the hell would you allow her to do that. As for your husband tell him to give his phone to her
I’m 23 and went through my single moms phone…and absolutely regret it. (I was looking through pictures she took of my daughter because she takes a lot and I like sending them to myself)
Who’s the mom & who’s the child? Set boundaries. Purchase her a diary. After a while, find it and in front of her, start to go through it. When she complains, tell her it’s just like your phone. Your private stuff!
Why is ur daughter using ur phone? Keep it from her and keep it on u at all times. Discipline her if she tries to get into ur phone and say that it is ur privacy and she has no business going through someone else’s things.
You are absolutely correct. She is the child and there is absolutely no reason for a child or anyone else to go through your phone. She needs to respect your privacy period. By also enforcing that rule will teach her to respect other and not allow her to think she has the right to got through others belonging weather it be a phone or not.
That was kinda your fault mama 
I always have kept a password on my phone that my man knows so if the “cheating” were to ever be brought up he has full access to my phone. However I will let my son(3) videochat his dad and other and family members but under my supervision. On another note I’m sorry that the surprise was ruined.
I’m on your side, momma!! Stay out of my phone!!
Go through your husband’s phone. Make it a point to do it often. Violate his privacy. Do it as obvious as possibe. See how much he likes it.
I agree she is 12 its your phone and your the adult put a password and keep it away from her.
Set up fingerprint scanning and change your passcode so only you know it. Then punish her for breeching your privacy. She has no business going through anyone else’s business.
Y’all don’t know how to read I swear 
it literally says “ps I put a lock on my phone and she is aware she is not allowed to go thru my phone”, it also states “my husband doesn’t see an issue with it: thought?” AT THE VERY TOP OF THE POST the issue is with the husband not understanding why it’s so wrong
Put a pin on your phone and start telling her you will go through her personal things and she how she likes it. Its called respect. And explain that to your husband to. He is helping raise a brat.
Change the passcode and lock your phone. She has no business going thru your phone or texts!
Wtf kind of question is this??? Who’s the parent you or her? My kids aren’t even allowed to touch my phone without asking and even my 5 year old will ask each thing she wants to do such as can I look at your pictures, can I play a game, can I watch YouTube? And my 13 year old just straight up knows better than to even touch my phone… That is my personal space. It’s about teaching them about respect of other people and their things… Not trying to be mean I swear, but this is ridiculous this is even happening… Take control!
Ummm i dont think she should be going through your text or pics or anything. I dont care if there are un appropriate things or not. Non of her business… n he your husband needs to realize u have issue with it because of the non age appropriate things between yall 2. And its just respectful that she dont step those boundaries
Shes 12, your a grown adult that may be talking about grown adult things that your 12 year old should not be reading. Your husband should get that. Keep a lock on your phone. I personally love my fingerprint lock. When my husband questioned me about that (which he was just wondering not really accusing) I added his thumb print since I have 4 fingerprint options so that he can feel free anytime as I have nothing to hide. I dont think yes the type to go through my phone but he know that he has the ability to if he ever wants which gave him a little comfort
My brother does this with my mom and I remember doing it also just cause I was bored and nosey as a kid🤦♀️ its definitely wrong and should be dealt with. Your not overreacting at all. If he has issues and you have nothing to hide change your password and let your husband know your password so he doesnt feel like your hiding things from him. If he asks why the change then give him the example of her ruining a surprise by going through your phone and that’s the reasoning. (Which Its not wrong so it’s not like your lying) and I would make sure she does not have access to your phone or password.
She shouldn’t have to have a password on it, she shouldn’t have to carry it on her at all times and most certainly just because she has the right to go thru her child’s phone doesn’t mean they can hers. She is the adult! They are the child.
Its worrisome your husband has trust issues! Does he have a reason too? Does he feel it’s ok to go through his phone? Ps if he sees nothing wrong with it will he give her pw? My advise is put something on there that would horrify her and make her never wanna look again!
My daughter has access to my phone but she knows she is not allowed to read my text messages or look at my photos (and not because of naked pics but because I screenshot a lot of present ideas and also have a lot of memes I post in some of my unfiltered FB pages I’m in.) My daughter has always had specific rules in regards to my phone, so I’ve never had that problem. But if she did start than she’d never see another electronic for months because that is very disrespectful to invade someone’s privacy. If your daughter has a phone or diary, I’d start going through it so she can see what it feels like. And if your husband can’t respect you enough to back you up on this because of he’s too insecure and jealous, you have a more serious problem going on, one that is not healthy in the least.
Y’all still aren’t reading the post. At the END it says SHE HAS A LOCK ON HER PHONE.
The ISSUE is that the HUSBAND does NOT think it’s a problem.
I have a lock on my phone my husband and oldest knows the password. My 2 boys don’t get on mine and if they need to for any reason they make it fast and can’t leave my sight.
Make it a more sophisticated password? If doesn’t necessarily have to be a number.
Oh heck no! I have inappropriate friends! My SO can have my password or use a thumbprint but my child? Nope nope nope!!
Thats odd lol. Put a lock on it, my daughter aint allowed to touch my phone haha. My husband can idc we trade phones sometimes if his battery is dead and mines full before he goes into work, but if my daughter did? Nawwww
Lesson learned when she ruined her own surprise! It is your phone not hers! You are the Mom! Would she read your diary? Sweet girl has a snoopy issue that will get her in trouble and hurt one day!
Wow. Um…is your 12 year old your mother? Set boundaries and enforce them! Password they don’t know. Or fingerprint login the phone. Punish your kid if she won’t stay off YOUR phone.
You should be able to tell her NO, whats big deal? Its your phone!
How would he feel if she went through gus wallet? Or his phone
You said no and she continued to do it. Punish her.
Could he be having her going through your phone for him ? As to why he don’t see it as a problem for her doing it .
You’re not overreacting your husband is wrong!
Keep the fingerprint lock and pin on the phone and don’t tell either of them.
Change the lock mama, or if you have finger print unlock or face unlock do that, and put your husbands face or one of his fingers as also allowed to unlock (my phone has 5 finger spaces) start grounding her when she violates your privacy. I wasnt even allowed in my parents room growing up, I couldn’t imagine just going through their phones, it would be like snooping through dresser drawers when I was a kid.
Your phone is none of her business…or his for that matter. For him it’s a matter of trust. For her…It’s your privacy. But you have a right and responsibility to check her phone or block certain elements.
Why haven’t boundaries been set since birth? You’re the mother punish her! You don’t have to explain to anyone why your 12 year old should stay out of your phone and your husband obviously didn’t learn what boundaries are either if he thinks it’s okay for her to go through your phone. What’s next your wallet?
Let her keep ruining her surprises and lose out on that joy.
Definitley not ok for anyone to go through your phone at all.
You’re right. He’s wrong. You are the adult and she is the child. Completely inappropriate for her to be going through your phone.
She’s the child… you’re the parent.
Wonder if she is going through it for him
I’d tell him feel free to look all you want dude it’s HER I don’t want seeing my stuff because it’s not her business
Discipline her for going through your things. Your her mother ffs. No child is going through my stuff. Idc what her father says. It’s mine not his. I wouldn’t do the surprise for her since she decided to snoop. she is old enough to know better. Lock it. As for hubby tell him to fk off. It would be different if it was him but this is a child. I always have some type of porn/ pornography that no child should see.
Set you a passcode… you are entitled to some privacy
I’m all for appropriate boundaries when it comes to kids and grown folks business but playing devil’s advocate…if it had been her husband getting defensive about the daughter going through his phone, would it raise suspicion? Not that we know anything about what goes on between them in their own marriage. Just trying to see it from another point of view.
LADIES… THIS ISNT ABOUT HER DAUGHTER… that being said… does your husband have the password? Why not change it so that just you and him have it? From the post it seems like you don’t want him going on your phone either… why?
I’d smack my kids hands HARD if they went through my phone. My 4 and 2yo both know Notnto touch my phone. They still test me lol but by 12 they SHOULD know what the rules are!
Put a code on it that she doesn’t know and every time she touches it, punish her!
Why does your daughter want to read your text messages? How can you help feed that need in a more positive healthy way? Behavior is a way of communicating. What is she communicating?