I can’t get my 13-year-old daughter to sleep in her room she will only sleep on my couch in the living room I’m at my wit’s end, and when I ask her why she always says it’s too hot or she doesn’t like sleeping in there I keep my house at 71 degrees, and I have no clue what could be causing it. I thought it would be just a phase but if not she will not sleep in her room alone but when she has friends over they sleep in there do you think I should have her checked for separation anxiety or does anyone else have this issue Any help would be appreciated.
My daughters the same
Maybe she is scared of her room and being alone in it.
For whatever reason, she obviously feels vulnerable in her own room.
71 is really hot to sleep comfortably! If the living is cooler I’d sleep there too!
My daughters the same. She’s 13 too. It’s a battle I don’t have time to fight. Her room is usually a mess…but she is also hot. Her room is upstairs so it does get hotter up there.
I went through a phase where I want to sleep on the couch my bed is a futon at that point so my mom just turned it into a couch. But there’s probably some underlying reason she doesn’t want to be in her room
If shes anything like my kids or husband, they will sleep with windows wide open and fans going in the middle of this winter storm newfoundland is currently getting and STILL complain the house is too hot as I sit freezing to death under a billion blankets and hoodies
My 12 year old was the same. We redid her room and put string lights to help her sleep
71 is hot to sleep. Maybe try turning the heat down at night and see if that makes a difference.
Rearrange furniture in room, sound machine, fan, portable ac in room, soft music,
I also went through a phase at that age. Mine was related to anxiety, as Teddi mentioned, there’s usually an underlying reason for it. It seems as if the couch is her safe place.
71°, oh hell no, I’ll fight someone lol I would be hot too! Maybe get a fan for her?
What’s the problem with her sleeping on the couch?
My son does the same 💁
I don’t think its a huge concern if she isn’t comfortable in her room let her sleep on the couch , she clearly is comfortable there.
71 is way too hot to sleep i mean really? I would be sleeping on the couch too. If she is sleeping and is doing fine on the couch let it go
I slept on the couch when I was that age. (By choice)
I would talk to her and ask her if anything’s bothering her if she’s okay and so on. I did that too i slept with my parents for a long time (not every night tho i had my own room and everything altho sometimes we would have multiple “sleepovers” and i slowly outgrew it. My problem was being bullied and on the bad days I just wanted to stay close to my mom. Id also get her a counselor/psychologist kids tend to be more hesitant to talk about things like that she might not tell you the truth. Oh and also if the reason is somewhat bad-dont get mad, be as kind and understanding as possible it’ll bring you two closer
So…this is NOT going to be a popular response and people get so angry when you suggest things may be wrong. But I am speaking from personal experience…take it or leave it. When I was 12 I asked to switch from my own room to share a room with my sister. I thought I would be safer there, another person more eyes…I did this because a family member would visit me at night after everyone went to sleep. Not saying that is what is happening, only saying it is something to think about.
71 is too hot Id be miserable too! Turn it down & im betting it helps
Something is up if I where you I would try to get to the bottom of it
I’ve had kids that sisnt want to sleep alone in their room… I would suggest trying to get her to explain what the issue is with out getting frustrated or letting her sleep where she wants on non school nights but in her room during the week
Omg I would die sleeping in a 71° house.
It’s a battle not worth fighting lol at least she’s sleeping.
She will when she is ready. Don’t force her. Perhaps maybe if you slept with her a few times, she wont be afraid. She will be fine
She is 13…ASK HER what she needs to sleep in her own room(realistically) and then make it happen
When I was that age up to 17 years old I wouldn’t sleep in my room unless I had someone over. I felt alone in my room🤷🏻♀️ I always slept on the couch it was more of a open room I guess
All 3 of my kids would rather sleep in the living room. It doesn’t have to mean anything but they like it better… I don’t even argue any more, I’m like whatever I’m going to bed…
Maybe try rearranging her room and getting her something of comfort like a new pillow or bedspread she can be excited about using in her own room? Also that temp is pretty warm so maybe she is just genuinely hot …
Let her be, you have no idea what she is sensing.
Set the thermostat to like 68 at least. 71 is way too hot. I wouldn’t sleep in the room either!
All these people saying 71 is to hot, that’s crazy, lol. I’d be freezing my ass off if I ever had mine that low!
I was like that for my whole teenage life. Not sure why, but I preferred it. Mom made the rule of not on school nights. She may not have a real reason
My 10 yo does the same. Always the effing couch! She says she’s scared but there are 5 other people in the house and every light we own is on. Plus, I know my kid and I know she is full of shit. Following this thread.
Scared maybe? Scary shows ?
Your daughter is probably an empath and her room is scary to her
71 i dont blame her! Turn it down to 69 and get that poor child a fan!!!
Dont force her whatever her reason is. That will give her issues later on.
If sleeping on the couch makes her feel safe and comfortable dont take that away from her.
You being mad that she has a hard time sleeping in her room is you just being mad shes not doing what shes told without considering her feelings or FEARS.
I promise I’m not being dramatic.
Try getting closer to your daughter.
Maybe she just has a very vivid imagination and could possibly use a nightlight without wanting to ask for it. If she’s sleeping in there with friends but not alone, it’s not the temperature. (71• is fine btw.) sounds like she’s afraid to be alone.
Shes 13. Shes old enough to tell you what is wrong. I mean she tells you it’s too hot. I keep my house at 68 and fans going lol. 71 is a bit warm to sleep in… buy her a fan?
Normal… i did this when i was a teenager, both my kids did it. Its a teenager thing.
I say just let her be, I did the same exact thing at my moms house
71° to me is hot. I can tolerate it but I don’t like it.
But she’s not bothering anyone, let her sleep where she wants to. I don’t see the harm.
Do you also sleep in the living room? It doesn’t sound like she can’t be alone it sounds like there’s something wrong with the room.
For god sake parent her and lay the law down. Who’s the parent, who’s the child here!
My 8 year old son won’t sleep in his own room. He always sleeps on either the couch or my bed. I think his issue is the separation his dad and I split up when he was almost 3 and for a year we stayed with my grandparents and we slept on the couches in the basement
There’s way worse things a 13 year old could be doing.
I was like that to my suggestion is if she’s really hot then get her a fan and leave the door open with the fan blowing in her room. Its 72 in my house all the time but I have a fan to sleep with a fan blowing right on me.
She’s afraid…I was afraid to sleep in my room on and off my whole childhood. Usually sone irrational fears, or scary movie or thoughts from something I seen or heard. Im 44, lol… I still have to talk myself outta crazy scenarios in my head. Lol…
She may grow out of it… giving her the freedom to have a light on, keep a tv or sound machine going may help.
71 is not too hot to sleep hell cps here says your house has to be set to 74 in the winter as for the couch thing just put your foot down I have to do the same thing with my daughter I just explained to her that as parents we have a life too and if we want to have people over after they go to bed we need a place for them to sit and if she’s on the couch than they can’t also I clean the house after all 5 of them go to sleep and I’m not tip toeing around a sleeping kid trying to clean up the mess of the day and prepare for the next day and we told her if she wasn’t going to use her room than she was going to lose it to one of her siblings. We added string lights and a fan and she’s slept in there ever since
Get her a fan? Turn down the thermostat? Just let her sleep on the couch? If it isn’t hurting her or anyone else, who cares?
Maybe save up and redecorate her room take her out for a bit of mum and daughter bonding. I dunno my sons only 3 just thought it would be a nice idea x
I’d be concerned why there’s an issue with the room alone all the sudden!
Just let her do her thing as long as she is sleeping. She will grow out of it
Heck, I’m in my 30s and still prefer the couch. The only time I sleep in my bed is when my husband is home. I don’t like the loneliness of being in a bed by myself. Maybe she has issues with being alone
I would try asking her what you can do to get her to sleep in her room but if you really can’t get to the bottom of it While you do let her sleep where she can
Sleep is sleep
My youngest son now 12 yrs old very rarely sleeps in his room he never really liked being that far away from me I think He sleeps on the futon in the spare room or the couch most nights I am just happy he doesn’t sleep or try to sleep in my room anymore
We keep ours at 69 and have ceiling fan. I’d say she probably is hot.
If that’s not it, it’s probably a phase. I went through a phase that I would sleep on blankets in my door way so that I could see in to my parents room. I was in 4th grade, so a little younger, but phases come and go at all ages
When I was 13 my room i had had east facing windows. This meant that my room had the sun blaring into it for almost the whole day and it was on the second floor. The house may have been 71 but my room was well well beyond that, and it stayed that way all night. I didnt sleep in there unless I had to because I cant sleep when I’m hot. Maybe get her a fan and see if she will sleep in there? If not, it’s not a huge deal it’s not like she is destroying property or doing anything bad. As long as she chooses to sleep there, that’s what matters. BUT with all that said, kids are sneaky so you never truly know. I would sneak to the livingroom a few times a week this next week coming and make sure she is there, because she could be pulling wool over your eyes.
Let her sleep where she feels safe and comfy! She will out grow it soon!
My kids do the same but through the week I make them go to there rooms. Weekends I don’t mind
My house is on 71! And on cold nights like tonight its 72. No one ever complains that my house is too hot. I think that if it were because it was hot, at 13 she would tell her mom it’s hot.
I would just ask her if something is bothering her. She may just be more comfortable on the couch!
Idk my bedroom was a sauna growing up. It was horrible. I didn’t sleep most nights and it effected me big time. Maybe something else is bugging her. If she’s not bothering anyone let her be and get some sleep.
I keep my house at only 69 degrees and it gets hot upstairs🤷
My house is 67,an my room is still hot I sleep better on my couch and I’m 61,long as she sleeps let her. And where does she sleep in summer?
Uhhh 71 is hot. My house is usually at 69 max. Consider where her room is positioned in the house and how much heat it takes on. I used to hate when my parents would keep the ac at 73 and our rooms were upstairs. Heat rises so guess who was always burning up? Yeah fuck that. Get her a nice tower fan to use in her room or lower your ac. Do something to help make her more comfortable in her room. As far as possible anxiety just sit down and talk to her.
Sounds like she might be scared. I sleep on my couch every night. I feel like I need to be able to see the doors to the outside.
I have an 11 year old who will only sleep in my bed. So I understand the frustration, we are trying everything to get her back to her room . Hers is from bullying at school .
Mine does same. Check she is comfortable with her room. Bed mattress. Where things are placed. Mine has anxiety if there are shadows. Noises. I got backed curtains to stop the sun coming in until she was awake and could open the curtains herself. Has she got cupboards to close properly. Can you put something under her bed to fill the space. Boogiemen. Are a thing. Also she has to have the fan on at an times. Us girls all have to have the fan on. . My girl even puts a blanket over the top bed head as she doesn’t like the slats in case some one is looking through. She also has a soft night light.
My daughter has been doing that since the age of 9 she’s 14 now try a daybed in her room
I’d turn down the heat. 71 is high. I keep mine at 66 and I still wake up hot half the time.
But if someone is staying over with her. She is ok
Her hormones are probably all over the place, trying dropping it to 65 at night
Get a fan and take her to see a therapist
My sons 15 and he wont sleep in his room because my moms house is haunted
Maybe she’s just scared and too embarrassed to say anything since she’s 13 and probably think she’s past the age of being afraid. I would just ask her if there’s anything scaring her. Maybe she’s afraid of the dark
I did this when I was about that age 11-12yo. It was just more comfortable on the couch and I liked it. Eventually I got over it and went back to a bed.
I was this way. The couch allowed me to prop my legs up and had better air flow in that room. I also have hashimotos disease which makes temperatures hard to regulate and 71 is sometimes absolute hell for me in my house.
Everyone of our kids have done it , it is normal. Or all my kids are not normal
I would redo her room. And buy her a lava lamp so if she’s scared of the dark she won’t be embarrassed with a night light lol. And buy the girl a fan. 71 degrees is hot lol
71 would burn my house down. I literally cannot sleep when it’s hot and dry in my house.
I have twin 17 year olds. One insists on sleeping on the couch every single night. This is probably the 3rd year in a row. She has a huge room with a queen bed but she prefers the couch for some reason. I just gave up and let her sleep there 🤷🏼
So it might be the tv. When I was younger I stayed at my friends house. Her mom had just passed away and I noticed that in her little brother and sisters room (4yrs old and 2 yrs old) they had a small box TV playing through the entire night. I asked why and my friend told me they can’t sleep without it. So maybe it is separation anxiety…
Put your foot down and make her sleep in her room she’s 13 your her boss and she’s still a child
I have a cot in my room for my 13 year old son to come and sleep I want him to know if he’s ever uncomfortable he can come to me and he has a place to be.
My we year old sleeps on the couch when her sister isn’t here to sleep with her, they share a room. She’s scared of the dark .
Sounds like the story of my life! 14 and 16 and they’re just slowly growing out of it!
Dont be mean about it. I was like that. I had separation anxiety pretty bad. And I didn’t really like my room. 71 is to hot at night. Try putting a fan in her room. And repaint her walls, make it look like “home” you also can always find a couch and replace her bed with it.
Omg. Mine is set at 67 and I feel my bedroom gets hot at night. I would HATE 71
My now 11 year old went through this for 2 years. She was just more comfortable on the couch. I stopped fighting it after a few months, now, I have to text her to come out the room.
The easiest thing to me would be to turn down the heat and see if it helps. 71 degrees to me is way too hot. We keep ours on 65 at night…you can always add a blanket. If you don’t want to do that then shut off her air vents to cool her room only, buy a window unit for her to have a/c. If all else fails, pick your battles. What’s the worst thing that can happen from her sleeping on the couch? Nothing. As long as she sleeps and feels comfortable that is truly what matters.
Give her a fan of it’s too hot. When my teen sleeps on the couch it’s cause he wants to stay up watching TV after WiFi off in his room lol
When I was younger we rented a house and I always had an uneasy feeling in the bedroom. Idk what it was but it was always spooky. I slept with my bathroom light on and my door open and the tv on because if it got quiet I heard weird sounds. No weird sounds when friends slept over. I think it was just too much stress but idk it went away when we moved. My mom would never let me sleep on the couch. She said it would “break it down” I always resented her for that.
71 is hot af! But she’s also 13. Could be anxiety, stress, maybe she sleeps better on couch. Ask her. And lower the damn heat lol
Buy her a fan if shes too hot.
I spent many years as a kid through my early 20s sleeping in the living room. No reason behind it other than I was just more comfortable there. I eventually started sleeping in my room when I wanted to. I don’t think it’s an issue to be too concerned about
I went through this phase. I would go a year without any issues and then would randomly not feel comfortable in my room. For me nothing to do with it being hot I would randomly get scared every noise would wake me up in a panic lol. I would sleep with my sister in her room for months and even asked my brother to sleep in his room lol when my parents would ask me why I sleep anywhere but my room I would just say idk. I eventually got over it.
I didn’t like sleeping in my room at that age. I rather had slept on the couch. 71 degrees is super hot lol my house is kept at 63 at night and I have my fan blowing on high directly on me
Yes she does have anxiety. My 15 year old likes the floor. She has a double bed in her room, but likes the lounge room floor, we have a mattress on the floor for lounge anyway. Let her sleep where she feels safe.
Don’t get caught up in being “at your wits end” this is so dramatic. Be kind and nurture her, it’s what’s she needs but can’t express herself with words x
Sounds like she’s afraid