My 13-year-old daughter refuses to sleep in her room: Advice?

My sister slept WITH my mom until she was like 13. Can be normal.

71 degrees is super hot at night. They say your supposed to turn you thermostat DOWN at night. Maybe she needs a fan? Or perhaps close her vent at night?


Maybe someone hurt her when you wasnt around… try a therapist and see where it goes from there… Not always the answer you want to hear or consider but it can be a possibility

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Maybe a fan for her room? If she’s too hot it will cool the room. If she’s scaired of noises in the dark room it would ‘droun them out’ so to speak…

I actually slept on my floor about 5 years and felt like it was better for my back.

Just a phase. I would allow.

Sometimes couches feel better for our back too.

I let my 13 year old sleep wherever she wants. She goes between the front room to her bedroom. Doesn’t seem to be a thing.

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Let her. Kids go through that. I did. Ask her what would make it better in there. A fan? Noise? More light?

I wouldn’t sleep in my room either :woman_shrugging:t2: lol even as an adult I didn’t really sleep in my room much until the past few years and I’m 33… it was more comfortable I guess? I didn’t really have a reason and I still can’t think of one to explain it

Maybe put an oscillating fan in her room? We have one for my daughter because for some reason her room is the absolute hottest in the house. We’ve had one in there since she was little.

When I was younger and would go to my dad’s house I always slept on the couch, mainly because I would fall asleep watching tv, but for some reason his couch was just more comfortable to me

Maybe she is just actually hot. Hormones and all. My 11 yr old likes it cold at night and 71 degrees isnt cold for us. Some people just naturally run hot.

My son was that way until he graduated and went off to college. But he’s great from there on.

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Pick your battles this doesnt seem like a huge deal and if shes not hurting anyone or disrupting anyones routines then let her sleep where she wants. If its that serious and you insist she sleep in her room… put your foot down. You are the adult.

If it’s because she’s hot, see if a fan will help. If she’s just saying that because she suddenly doesn’t want to sleep in there alone, I’d get to the bottom of why… make sure nobody else is messing with her.

Mine is at 70 at night she might be hot if the room is small

My daughter is the same way we end up getting a fan in her Room in some days to open the window. If she sleeps on 2nd floor its prob hot. Just have her bring pillows and blankets upstairs in the morning.

When I was that age my room was cold in winter hot in summer. Turns out there was hole in the ducts in the attic. Check the ducts. The sound might be scaring her. Her room might be getting all the hot air and the noises.

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Sounds like she is scared. Does she not feel safe sleeping in there alone? Maybe look into what’s going on.

Put a couch in her room?

I always sleep in the couch. Idk why, never liked sleeping in my room…since 13 till about i got maried at 21.

The seeing a therapist. There sounds like there could be one of several big issues going on! Let a professional help you and your family!

Try a fan in her room. If she still doesn’t want to sleep in her room maybe have her talk with a therapist to see if there is a bigger reason why she doesn’t want to sleep in there.

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I slept in the basement for a time because my room was the hottest and my dad turned the heat down to 69 whrn i was a kid. J had 3 vents going to my room. Shes telling the truth. And hormone changes make you really warm

I cant sleep if its above 68 at night, so she might actually be too hot. My ac is actually on right now set to 64 which is closer to where we usually keep it (we live in Phoenix, I havent turned the heat on in years, even though it can drop below 32 at night). If she doesnt have a fan, the 71 will feel much warmer, especially if her door is closed, and if its heat. If there is a fan and she has her own thermostat proving it’s as cool as the rest of the house, maybe take her to councelling to find out if theres another underlying issue, but if there isnt, I’d let it be. There are other more important battles to fight.

My daughters went through this. They would sleep on the couch in my home office (which is across the hall from my bedroom). They both had anxiety and my youngest had night terrors. After some discussion with a therapist and the help of a weighted blanket, my younger only sleeps in there about once a month. The oldest also stopped then felt comfortable enough to move out on her own.

Put a fan in there for her

Just let her. If she wants to sleep in wake her and make her go to her room. It’s her house let her be comfortable.


That’s pretty warm for bed. She just might be but I agree with others to see if there is some other issue she’s not telling you. Try to put the heat down one night and see how it goes. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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My room is always a good 10 degrees warmer than the other side of the house. It really may be too warm for her. Maybe get her some cooler PJs?

My son, who is now 15, slept on the couch until he was 13. He was not comfortable being alone and the couch is outside my bedroom door. For him it was a comfort thing that he grew out of. Now I can’t seem to get him out of his room. :joy:. Be patient with her and with time she will make her way to her room.


I agree , I lower my heat at night to 64 and bring it up to 70 at 5 am :heartpulse:

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Maybe she has anxiety


I could imagine my room being 71,Maybe get her a fan,Also does she have a TV in her room

Maybe she’s scared in there and just doesnt want to admit it.
Maybe you can buy her a touch lamp that dims and a pedestal fan for her room.

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She’s probably just more comfortable sleeping on the couch and it most likely has nothing to do with separation anxiety


If she’s sleeping when you want her to sleep I really don’t understand why it’s a problem.

I have insomnia and from age 11 on until I left home. As long as I got up for school. I was allowed to sleep wherever and whenever I wanted.

There’s a ghost in the room and it keeps bothering her at night. You sleep in there and see what happens.

Tell her to open her window couple hours before she goes bed

Close the vent in her room open wider in living room her room should be the cooler one.

Has she gotten her period yet? Does she have a fan? Go sleep in there for a night to see for yourself.

If it’s not an emergency, why turn it into a control issue :woman_shrugging:


I keep my house at 68. 70 if its really cold outside. I die if it gets hotter than that.

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Me and my 10 year old daughter both end up sleeping on the couch and the day bed in the living Room.
I snore, hubs hates it and she says it sooths her. She definitely don’t care to be alone, she’s my most needy child.

Don’t really see the big deal :woman_shrugging:t3: shes sleeping lol


I dont think it has any bearing on her future. Dont sweat the small stuff.


Let’s just be happy shes sleeping?

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I would leave it. If it’s hot in there offer to buy a fan but, don’t push it. I know heaps of people that prefer to sleep on the couch when it’s hot.

Let her sleep on the couch.

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Sleep in her room one night by yourself. See if you feel like you get too hot or if it’s something else.


She probably sleeps better on the couch, which happens, it’s not the end of the world.

I think you need to sleep in there alone for a week and see what’s different. I’ve lived in several different places and have found that in every place, the master bedroom is the only one with good temp control. Other bedrooms are either too cold or too hot. Also, you may find her room is haunted! Keep an open mind!

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My 13 year old daughter is the same, and she has been randomly sleeping in the living room or guest room for years. She’s sleeping and healthy, and cleans up after herself, so I don’t sweat it.

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My daughter is 14 and would sleep with me every night if she could. And my son, who is 12, sleeps in the living room every chance he gets. But I only allow it on the weekends because I make them go to bed at bedtime on school nights. We have an agreement and they never give me any problems with it. I know they are getting older and will soon want to do their own things so I try to cherish the moments she wants to be with me… If she has stated its too hot, put a AC or a fan in there. Some people have higher body temps and its not their fault. My husband stays hot and I stay cold. Its easier to warm up then cool down so I just layer up. If she doesn’t want to sleep in there after u accommodate her then I would look into other solutions. As long as shes doing good in school and a good kid, I would let her do what makes her most comfortable.


71 is hot!I keep it at 66. Our electric bill is 300. How do you afford 71!?

Whats it hurting that she sleeps on the couch? Whats the big deal?? Really

I sleep on the couch alot…

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Is there a family computer in living room? When i was that age i would stay up playing pc games super late

Let her be. There are worse things to be worried about.

Not sure why this is an issue, it’s petty! It’s not hurting anyone, and it could be worse. Also it could be that she does get to hot, especially if her room is last or close to last on the air drop system, or if she is hot natured like my kids.

Has she suffered trauma or known of someone who has? I grew up knowing that as an infant I was in my crib in my room when my house caught fire. I would’ve died if my mom didn’t run inside to get me. I can’t sleep in a room. I’m terrified if something happens I won’t know until it’s too late. Possibly she feels the same way.

Idk how people who say 71 is too hot. That’s freezing to me! Lol. Anyways I say let her sleep where she wants. What is wrong with her sleeping in the couch?

She will want privacy at some point. Let her sleep on the couch at least she is home and sleeping. She is a teenager and not shutting herself away hiding in her room.

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My 10yr old right now. He has his own room with a bed. He also has PTSD and anxiety and autism. At some point it is more about just getting good sleep than where he sleeps at. For the record, I’m sleeping on the other couch. I’m 34 and have a full master suite with bed. It’s more comfy on the couch. Been doing it for years now. Good sleep happens that way.


I slept on the couch ALOT as a teen. I liked it better. I didnt come to appreciate my own space until I moved out and had my own house.
Part of it was anxiety. Part of it was being a teen.

I slept on our couch from 14 years - 16 years old. It was just where I felt the safest at that time.

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Could be her first rebellious teen stand. The more you fight her on it the more she’ll want to do it.

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Why can’t she sleep on the couch? You sound too intense, maybe that’s why she would tell you the real reason. Calm down.

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Mine does too. Idk I don’t stress it
She’s sleeping fine just in a different room so what’s the problem? My daughter also says the same thing to

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Maybe she is really hot in her room. Try getting her a fan

Sometimes the couch is very comfortable😁

I sleep on the couch lol i would see whats bothering her though. I had a rough childhood and i find that sleeping on the couch is better because its smaller and i feel more secure. She might be hot though. If you can afford it i think all teenagers should see a counselor. I just think there could be a bigger issue. I know i hatr sleeping alone so if i have to i sleep on the couch

Maybe she’s scared, my daughter’s would be scared to sleep in their room alone at times…

Try sleeping in her room. I know i lived in a place once where the room i was sleeping in gave me nightmares every night. I told my mom about it and she thought i was crazy. So she traded me rooms for a few nights and you know what my nightmares stoped but then my mom started getting them every night. But we ended up moving shortly after that… Also you could get her a fan for her room.

If that is what shes more comfortable doing, let it be. It’s harmless.

Maybe try a black light, or some of the clear Christmas lights. Oh and a fan.“the noise” Maybe she would like to sleep in a cold room with blankets.

It could be that she’s scared, there may be something that’s bothering her about her room so if you have another room she can swap with you can see if that will work for you both.

To me, if the room is over 68, it’s hot lol. Maybe she is actually hot. I say as long as she’s sleeping though, it’s not really a big deal if it’s on the couch or in her bed. Try asking her what she needs to sleep in her bed, maybe she’ll tell you.

It is just a phase, I went through it too when I was 16 I just didnt want to sleep in my own bed/room

Doesn’t sound like separation anxiety unless the couch is in your room. 71 is way to hot for my boys, they run hot, especially when sleeping. Maybe makeover her room with her and make it a spot she wants to be in. New bedding and fun pillows and what not

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Is it really a big issue to argue? :thinking::thinking::thinking: that’s my 1st response to that question… If so maybe a deep talk therapy on why she doesn’t wanna sleep in her room. For me due to a traumatic experience I can’t sleep with closet doors closed. I’m 37

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Maybe cleanse your home by burning sage?


I have a 9 year old that had the same issues and after 3 nights with 5mg of Melatonin she has been in her own bed for almost 6 months.

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Get a good fan, a nightlight, maybe be a cat or dog for personal comfort does the window open or close? Is the room brightly decorated?

If my OH is away with work, I don’t like to sleep upstairs, I would usually fall asleep on the sofa before my daughter was born.
It’s anxiety. She needs support - maybe a discreet nightlight or stay with her until she falls asleep.
I always found falling asleep with music and a dull light helped me sleep more comfortably in my room. Still do - the white noise and nightlight are for me, not my baby.

71 is hot. Get her a ceiling fan or turn down the heat.


At night turn down the heat,I’s be hot too.

I use to sleep on my parents floor because my anxiety was so bad. Their room was on one end mine on the other and I was always scared someone would come in and take me. By 14 I over came it when I started putting a blanket over my window instead of a blind. Is her room a ways away from yours? She could just have anxiety and doesn’t wanna be alone at night.

Is her bed possibly uncomfortable…the mattress? Is there a TV in her room? Maybe she just wants to watch tv and not have to get up once she is ready to fall asleep.

There could be a lot of reasons why she prefers to sleep on the couch. I would definitely look into all the things everyone has mentioned if you think something is wrong. Otherwise, I personally don’t think it’s that big of a deal to be sleeping on the couch. The hot thing is most likely true though. 71 at night is way too hot (in most houses). Besides the fact that teenagers are going through all sorts of hormonal changes and get hot easily. I remember always being hot when I was a teenager. And I’m getting hotter and hotter at night as I inch closer to menopause. :sob::sob::sob:


My daughter is 9 and loves to sleep on the couch. She says it’s more comfortable and she gets lonely in her room which is opposite side of the house from me and she’s an only child (until March). We keep our thermostat at 68 at night because we can’t sleep comfortably if it gets over 70 and my daughter and my husband are both hot sleepers. I just tell my daughter that she can sleep on the couch on the weekends or if she’s sick.

My daughter sleeps on the floor in her brother’s room. They have always slept in the same room together

I used to sleep in my parents living room. I had bad memories in my room and couldn’t stand to be in it unless I had trusted friends over. I spent every evening and night sleeping in the living room when I lived at my parents house and needed to watch very specific movies to fall asleep. Her sleeping on the couch is hurting her or you, she probably can’t express what is making her feel like she needs to sleep on the couch so saying it too hot is the easiest way gor her. Maybe talk to her about it or write her a letter asking her to share her feelings and if there’s any other red flags maybe talk about therapy. It isn’t about you or how you feel about this , if she’s having trouble sleeping in her room this is about her, not you being at your wits end.

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My son is the same. He does sleep in his room, though. I got him a fan and told him to cover the vent if he’s too hot. I’m going to get him a new ceiling fan eventually cuz his doesn’t work but the small fan helps. I also got him a cooling pillow he can put in freezer until bedtime. He’d be happy with AC all year round!

Have her open the window, if she has one or get her a cieling fan. If you make these suggestions and she still won’t budge, it might be something else. She’s 13, maybe she doesn’t want to admit she’s she’s scared?

It sounds like anxiety. Maybe get a fan, a diffuser, does she have tv in her room? Hang out with her during the day in her room and near bed time. If she can’t bring herself to do it she can’t help it. It won’t hurt to consult a professional but at the same time she will come around on her own time. Positive side to this…she’s on the couch. Not in your room :slight_smile:

Fan on. TV. Any noise . It makes you feel relaxed and comfortable. My kids had the same issue.

Maybe it’s something happening she can’t tell you about?

71 is hot at night. My body runs hot and I have the same issue. Sometimes I get up in the middle of the night and move to the couch. It helps me sleep better. Try keeping the house at 68-69 and she may notice a difference. As long as shes sleeping who cares

One day she’ll be grown and you’ll wish shes was still on the couch so try to be patient and work with her…its not easy being a mommy…good luck

My kids slept in the living room for years. Fight your battles. She may rest better there.


I have the same issue with my 10 year old. She won’t sleep unless sleeps with her. We have also tried everything. Just make her is not a reasonable response. Easier said than done.

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Wow 71 is warm for us, I can’t imagine, we keep our home at 68-69. Our daughter sleeps with a weighted blanket and her outlets have lights in them that shine on the floor. We have one om each wall so she can see her whole room.

If there is a noise she falls asleep if it’s quiet she won’t. I bought a white noise machine with an actual fan inside, that works.