My 13-year-old daughter refuses to sleep in her room: Advice?

She is just wanting to sleep on the couch. As long as she is sleeping, what is the big deal. Doesn’t mean she is spoiled, maybe she just feels safe!! Pick your battles! At age 13 there are plenty more to come I promise, I raised 2. Have a sit down talk with her, tell her she can tell you anything you won’t get upset, even if she just feels more comfy or safe on the couch she can tell you , tell her that. (maybe it’s the AC maybe not mom you are the safe zone, not friend but safe.)

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I keep my house at 68 and use a fan. Does she have a ceiling fan or maybe a little table fan. Did something happen in her room that scared her and that is why. Maybe her bed need to be moved over the window or by the door to help her feel safer. Maybe a night light. Maybe making sure the bedroom door is open with night lights in the hall, her bedroom, bathroom

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I used to be that way I never wanted to sleep in my bedroom and I’m still like that bedrooms have never been my thing. I don’t know what it is about a bedroom but I don’t like it. She just may be hot at 71 degrees that is warm when you are in a room that is stuffy and blankets on. Some people are not bedroom kinda people I know my sister and my mom never would sleep in a bedroom so she also might be that way and just don’t like bedrooms.

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It may be more of a claustrophobia thing. Bedrooms are typically much smaller than living rooms, maybe she’s subconsciously having anxiety about a fight or flight reflex. There’s typically only one way in or out of a bedroom but multiple ways out of a living room area… just a thought.

I used to be the same way. It was because I could watch TV in the living room, or because my room was a mess and it gave me anxiety.

I realize she’s a teen but when my now 14 year old was 12-24months, she refused to sleep in her bed. She would sleep on the floor next to her bed. I worried and fretted until her pediatrician said “but she’s sleeping. Pick your battles, Mom”. Aside from trying to make it comfortable temperature/fan and making sure there isn’t a fear reason, I’d let her be. Good luck.

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A fan if she really is too hot. I used to have recurring awful nightmares set in my bedroom growing up. So since I knew I wasn’t allowed not to sleep in my room I just stayed up all night because I was too terrified to sleep. It wouldn’t be separation anxiety but it might be anxiety. Maybe a session or two with a kind counselor.

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Look as long the child is sleeping I’d leave her be. I have two teenagers and as long as they r asleep I’m fine. They could sleep in the bathroom and I’d be with it. My parents would let us sleep in the living room when we were younger. As long as we weren’t hurting anything.

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i prefer the couch. it’s cozier. but you might want to find out why she doesn’t want to sleep in her room. it could be separation anxiety or something much worse.

Buy her a fan and drop your temp at night. Let her remodel her bedroom to her liking so she feels like it is only hers (as a TEEN and not a little girl). My daughter will be 15 in a few days. A couple of years ago, she choose to remake her room more grown up (teal walls and a surfing theme), her and her friends hang out in there all of time. She only comes out to eat & use the bathroom.

We keep our house at 67 and it still feels hotter in our room than the rest of the house. Feels much more comfy to sleep on the couch or in the guest bedroom sometimes. I’d burn up at 71! Maybe she really is just hot.

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I don’t have my house that warm during the day. It is 68 and 64 at night. I even close a vent in each bedroom to keep it cool for sleeping.

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I agree with the person who commented and said to pick your battles. She’s sleeping. She’s 13-not an easy age for sure. I don’t see where separation anxiety is an issue unless you mean she will only sleep on the couch when someone is with her.

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The only reason my 13 yo would want to sleep on the couch and not her room is because she could either watch tv in the middle of the night, or she could have access to the WiFi. Put a thermometer in her room to check the temperature- if it really is hot then get a fan, or an a/c unit, otherwise tell her the couch is off limits!

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My kid has to have a nightlight and some sort of noise (fan or space heater) i keep my house at 68 and still sleep with a fan on me so she could just be hot natured.

It’s not separation anxiety if she’ll sleep in the living room alone…get her a fan or a window AC for her to use at night and stop giving her the choice to sleep elsewhere.

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I always liked the living room better than my room. Not sure why, she even moved my bed into the living room. Thought my dad was gonna strangle me. That was about 14/15.

I had the same issue with my 2 boys until they were around 14-15. Mine grew out of it. As long as they were getting rest I didn’t care

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It could just be something like anxiety, but you also may want to quietly talk to her and see if anyone else in the house is doing something they shouldn’t be to her.

We are down to one kid at home now but when we used to play musical beds every night. We would all start in our own beds and end up elsewhere. Sometimes I would go to sleep in my bed and wake up in the kids bed and they would be in mine.

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My kids do it as well. Long as they sleep I feel it’s alright. I remember being a kid and loved to sleep on the couch

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71 is hit for my family. We keep it at 65 and we crack a window. She truly might be too hot

She’s giving you excuses because your allowing her to do want she wants. What happened to NO!

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My daughter did this for almost a year … and it was a very good thing! WE H

I’d suggest a fan, or ask her what she would like? It may be more than “she’s just hot.” If a prank was pulled on her, she got freaked out by a movie or something else and she was in her room or she’s having trouble shutting her brain off at night, being alone in her room can just make things worse.
Since she’s in the living room, it’s safe to say that she feels safer Bc ppl get up and that’s the common area and it’s more open. Especially if there’s a TV. It makes her feel less alone.
It could be many things, but talking to her about it over a walk around the mall / shop or food might get more answers. Be like “ok honey, let’s go get a fan for your room. What else would make you feel more comfy? Is it a fear of something else? You wanna get a security camera or something? A better window lock? A Bluetooth speaker(if it’s the brain inability to shut off thing) You dont have to tell me anything until you’re ready. I just want to make you feel safe and comfy in your own space.“ and go from there. Seeing as she’s fine when friends come over, it is most likely the being alone thing. Especially given a couple ppl in her room vs just her would make her room hotter.
My teen has a small heater in her room, Bc I keep it very cold. She practically lives in there. Not all kids are the same and this is all speculation, but it’s hard to get info out of our babies sometimes and it’s gut wrenching thinking our child is going through something and we can’t help or that they can’t come to us for whatever reason.

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Do you have anyone in the house that might be messing with her at night after everyone goes to sleep? And she feels safer in the open living room :woman_shrugging:

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My son is the same way. He has a fear of his room due to his bed being close to the window and it’s a floor level room . We took the shower door off and hung up curtains and put the doors outside in front of the windows , hung up dark curtains so he couldn’t see in or out the windows . Got him a box fan for noice and a lamp that he keeps on at night and he’s fine now

Is there a man living in your house?

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Maybe afraid to sleep in her bedroom alone. Is your bedroom closer to the living room??

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That’s pretty warm! We own an older house that we have to use window air conditioners for but I keep them all at 60° and it’s still sometimes warm.

I keep my AC on twelve months a year about 76°. If I set it that cold, to 71° my electric bill would be over $500 a month.

Pick and choose your battles its not hurting you at all for her to sleep there so I’d just let her be

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We have the issue with our 10 yr old son that we can’t get him to sleep on his own unless it’s a sleep over. If it’s him by himself, he can only sleep with us. And I love him, but him, me and my hubby? There’s only so much room. But nothing we’ve tried has worked. We even have a couch in our room and he has to be in the bed.

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My 9 year old son used to be like that … he would play in his room but at night time he would fo to the living room his excuse was “its so comffy here” but it stopped after a couple of months

She’s 13!? Surely you have much bigger issues with a 13-year-old! Ignore it. Worry about bigger things!

I sleep on my couch too instead of my bed. I just sleep better there. I only sleep in my bed when my husband is home.

71 degrees is too hot omg I would die 68 or 67 perfect at night!

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My son said he would get a little afraid at night so he’d leave his tv on low playing cartoons because they’re not scary. She could try that. Or it’s possible she simply likes the couch.

My 15 year old does the same thing. He’ll spend hours in his room on the weekends and after school on his computer but once bedtime comes he’s downstairs on the couch or on the floor at the foot of our Bed. He can’t give us an answer as to why he says he doesn’t know why but he doesn’t want to sleep in his bed ever. We pick our battles so since him sleeping on the couch hurts no one that’s where he stays c’est la vie

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I slept in the living room for well over a year because I associated my bedroom with bad memories. Perhaps, therapy? My room was in the basement and once I switched rooms with my brothers, I was able to sleep there.

Anything over 60 and im.sweating buckets always have my boys are the same way. Get her a fan and have her keep a glass of water in her room.to help cool her down. She may also be having nightmares or trouble shutting down at night.

Try finding the real reason she doesn’t like sleeping in there.

Does she have a window? Maybe at night there are strange lights/shadows or sounds in there?

Couple questions you should be asking yourself here… if you dont know what those are, you JUST YOU need to take your daughter out to dinner or a movie or something and have a heart to heart with her. Talking without judgement or getting dramatic can and will go very far in your relationship with your daughter/children in general. I think as parents we forget that kids are going through things to and we need to STOP, open our ears, and shut our mouths. I’m guilty but I’ve learned. Kids need an ear and long hug sometimes too. More than we think. I wish you luck.

I slept on the floor of my moms living room 4 years it was comfortable.

My kids do this all the time especially during school holidays…:woman_shrugging:

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Just make her. You’re the parent here. Buy small fan l

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Oh lord yes, I would burn up at 71° too. :hot_face: 67° is our magic #

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My kids never sleep in their right beds. Im just glad they sleep. :woman_shrugging:

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No big deal let her do what makes her feel comfortable and secure.

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Check the vents in her room close them a little if they’re open all the way

I’m going through with my 14 daughter.

Maybe there’s a ghost 🤷

I think she’s just being a kid

My 16 yr old son does this

Geez get a fan. Or take the couch cushions off and tell her to go to bed​:woman_facepalming::crazy_face:

Make sure she is not scared of something real or not real

Honestly my kids are welcome to sleep anywhere in the house. Because its whenever those jokers finally pass out I get the 14 mins of peace and quiet before I join em

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Something is bothering her about being in that room alone. My son did the same thing and when I got to the bottom of it there was something going on and now he’s gotten help he’s fine

Why is this world ending???

She probably sees spirits. Some people believe some don’t. But I’d bet she is seeing or experiencing something in there

I hate to bring this up, but many times there is a form of sexual abuse. This is usually a direct hint that some form of it is going on. Take her to the doctor and have her checked for activity. Also, it could be that she’s sneaking out of the house at night.

If it’s too hot, get her a fan and turn it so it’s not facing her directly.

On the REAL too, is this kid watching horror movies? Sounds silly but, my kids pulled this too. Lol

Do you have any men in the house? That is also a sign of sexual abuse

You got a non bio male living with you? Like a boy friend that’s not her dad?
I know when I went to my moms, hers wouldn’t get to me on the couch.

My kids did this for about a year. As did I when I was a kid. I think it’s pretty normal. As long as she’s getting enough sleep, I would just ride it out. It won’t last forever.

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Go sleep in her room, and see if you can figure out what’s bothering her. I’ve had to do that with my kids before, they complain about something that you don’t notice in passing, but if you spend a little time in there you’ll start to notice things too.

Get her a ceiling fan and a noise maker, we have Alexa’s to make noises if it sounds too quiet.

I slept on the couch from the age of like 9-14. I had a bedroom and I just preferred to sleep on the couch for whatever reason. Once I got a little older I started sleeping in my room again. Idk the reasoning behind it I just felt better on the couch.

Just because you keep your house at 71 doesnt mean her bedroom doesnt get hot. One bedroom in my house stays much hotter than the others because of something to do with the vent system.

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I was like that at that age and so was my mom and my aunt. For us it was just a phase/I was too lazy to go up stairs at night😂 but everyone’s different! I feel like getting angry at her isn’t really going to solve it, maybe talk to her calmly and see if you can get to the bottom of it.

Start putting a fan in there for her. Some rooms get hotter or colder. Of course if she has friends over she will sleep in there, it’s a teenage thing… privacy thing so hey can talk about whatever they want and no one hear them lol. Play music and stuff with the door shut. It gets really really hot upstairs at my place at times even with the heat being at 70. In the summer it still gets really hot up there even with the air at 67.

There could be more heat going in that room, some rooms may have more vents or more runs from the unit. Or it could be hormonal issues, I mean she is 13. But I use to prefer the couch to my bed, I slept better being able to hear everything

My youngest daughter did this from elementary age until in her early 20’s when she moved out on her own. We live in a two story house and it took her a long time to admit, that if there was a fire, she was afraid she wouldn’t get out. So she felt safer sleeping on the couch by the front door. She lives in a one level house now, and has no problems sleeping in her bedroom.

I used to do the same thing. It was severe anxiety. Having the back of the couch so close to my back was comforting. Let her sleep on the couch. She’s not hurting anything.

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She has a legitimate reason. It may not be known to you but it sounds like she really wants to sleep in there. Whatever the reason is, it’s enough for her to continue doing it and she feels like a valid solution to the problem is sleeping on the couch. Try talking to her more about it. Be open minded and willing to compromise or help resolve the issue she is having with sleeping in her room

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Maybe she can hear others moving around more on the couch than in her room. I had a brother who cant stand total silence while he was going to sleep.

My daughter dose the same thing. I have 3 bedroom s to choose from. It drives me crazy. But think about it. If this is the only thing your child dose that bothers you. Life is good. :wink:

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I always hated sleeping in my room alone like I’ve kinda always been like that tho I always had a scared feeling since I was little I’m almost 20 and still get like that I liked sleeping on the couch I felt safer ig has she always been like that or is it recently

I’m hot natured. 71 degrees in my house is too hot for me. I have to have it around 65-67. And it gets hotter upstairs than it does on the first level because heat rises if you live in a two story house. I wouldn’t want to sleep in my room if I was uncomfortable either

When she is ready she will.and then she will spend most of her time in there.if this is the problem your having with her be glad.and Don.t harp.

42 still have the habit of sleeping on my couch. I dont know why, just sleep better on my couch then I do my bed

I would let her be. She feels safer there for some reason .

Put a fan in her room. The noise may help her sleep and keep her cool

If ita not hurting anyone let her sleep in the couch. Mine bounces from her room to the living room

13 year old girl hormones could be making her have hot flashes.

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Buy her a couch for her bedroom…replace her bed

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Maybe it is stuffy in there. Try getting her a fan. Has she recently suffered any kind of trauma? Has a past trauma resurfaced? She could simply have a fear of sleeping alone. Its important that you take it serious. Something is troubling her and its important for her to deal with it. be understanding and sensitive and get to the bottom of it. offer to leave the door open. get her a night light. make sure she is not being bullied and that no one has intimidated her or made her feel unsafe.

Do you two live alone? Is there a man in the house ?

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Maybe she needs a night light

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While she’s on the couch, it means the adult or adults have no privacy to talk… correct? Could simply be a power struggle? If the room is too hot she’s old enough to tell you that.
Assuming she is not being molested or abused by anyone at night?
Think I’d make sure the TV was loud and lots of disruptions/noise in the mornings & nite.
My parents had nine children and would not, have tolerated this.