What is it you people say 
her body, her choice 
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I got my nose pierced at 12. I did have my parents permission but I don’t think it had anything to do with me going down the wrong path. I agree with your child did was wrong and she shouldn’t have done either of those things without your permission. I feel that the punishment matches the crime and you’re doing what you should be doing. As far as counseling I think all teenagers go through some thing at some point and they just need someone to listen to I don’t know if the counselor is the best idea though. I know when I was a teenager I didn’t want to tell my parents everything either .
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Why is everyone screaming get her counseling? She didn’t hurt herself or anyone else. She did a teenage thing and pierced her nose and gave herself a tattoo! Lmao this is nothing out of the ordinary of being a teen. Shit if my mom knew half the shit I did she’d be surprised I was alive. I made straight As in school, was a cheerleader and played in band and so on… I didn’t have any mental issues I was just being a teen when I did the dumb things teens do. I tried to pierce my belly and finally my mom allowed me to get it done. My brother pierced his eyebrow 3 times. Some parents are different but I allow my kids to come ask me for anything they want to do and I tell them if it’s ok or if I prefer them to wait until they can sign for it so they don’t hate me when they regret it for letting them do it!! The nose will close up and she has to live with the tattoo but she will learn from it and laugh when telling the story. If you sit here and say you didn’t do things as a teen you should of got your butt whipped for then you’re in denial. Quit trying to put every kid that does anything these days in counseling. My 7 year old had to take counseling for 1 week because she screamed not wanting to go to school. The counselor said she’s so shy and this is making it worse. She just has a fear of change which is normal! The counselor told me it’s a bad thing to have a kid diagnosed at such a young age for it will carry on their medical file with them the rest of their life and they will be viewed as a mental issue person in some form! She’s being a teen!!! Just love her and let her be as open as she can with you without judgment!!
I did all my own piercings and gave myself 2 tattoos when I was 13 lol my daughter has started the piercing stuff and I’d rather take her then have her do it herself cause guess what if she wants it bad enough shes gonna do it anyway so might as well be safe about it
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Everyone is missing the biggest picture. This girl is 13. Mom is mad because she pierced herself and gave herself a tattoo BUT she ALLOWS A 13 YEAR OLD CHILD TO DATE? WRONG. Smfh id rather my daughter have tattoos, piercing, AND smoke weed than to start dating and “falling in love” and so forth. Too young to date you have NO CLUE what love is. Shouldn’t be kissing, touching, or sucking ANYTHING at that age. Hell mfkin NO. I think you need to reevaluate the whole situation.
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Lady. YOU need counseling. Stop being so uptight. Either way she was going to get it. Cant change the past.
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Poor honey, she is old enough to start making decisions about her body, I would get the tat done properly let her keep the pricing but don’t back down on taking away her phone ect. at the moment. You both should go to council her by herself and some of you together. I did my cousins nose around that age and I wasn’t rebellious, snd against my mum’s wishes she took me to get my belly done at 13. It’s just what they are getting into but she does sound like she needs someone to talk to and possibly a change of school after some counciling.
Good luck.
Let it go… she’s rebeling… the more you stop it the more she’ll push back… its just a nose piercing
Tbh sounds like a troubled teen. 13 and dating that definitely doesnt help her self esteem. Piercing her nose and giving herself tattoos could be ways of helping her get noticed again. Counseling could help but maybe you should sit down and talk to her. U can be made but tbh I wouldn’t feel like a bad mom she isnt pregnant and piercing heal and tattoos can be covered up
A lot of people I’ve met or know have tattoos they did add a youngster covered now. And piercings are normal. The sucky part is the lying, but based on your reaction that’s probably what she was trying to avoid. She thinks you don’t understand her or what she’s going through. So many kids think that way.
Try counselling. I did most of my piercings myself, gave myself tattoos. Anything to distract myself with the overwhelming amount of emotions from previous traumas big or small rushing to the surface that I wasn’t prepared for or understood. I wasn’t willing to talk to anyone or if I did, I’d laugh and push everyone away.
She needs someone to talk too about these things, she may be more willing to be open with someone else that will guide her to be open to you when she’s ready, you just have to be accepting, validate and reassure her you’re not there to judge.
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What’s the tattoo of? I couldn’t see it
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Well I’d embrace her not make her feel ashamed of her self. Get to know her ask her what she likes to do.
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Sooo. We’re gonna keep her from expressing herself? Okaayyy…
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I pierced my own nose at 10, and again at 12, I dyed my hair hot pink when I was 12. No one could tell me what to do, but my mom just kinda let me go with it. I did not go down the same path that my mom did, and I was a pretty good kid, never got into anything, no drugs or alcohol, except for a handful of times when I was with my best friend, and even then, we were pretty boring lol. She’s having a hard time, she wants to rebel against society a little bit, she wants to express herself through her aesthetic. For me, personally, my children are not dating at 13, that’s so young. And tattoos would be a no.
Sounds like a typical teenager. Is her dad a tattoo artist?
Sounds like you need to loosen the reins a little and let her express herself that’s why she did she did what she did. Definitely needs counseling but as much as you hate her nose ring and tattoo it’s not the end of the world and be thankful she isny drinking and on drugs.
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Talk about over reacting people on here saying she needs therapy for being a teenager , those therapists over in the USA really have you all convinced they are needed for the smallest of things!
Good lord I remember being in High school and piercing our ears and noses in the school bathroom I wasn’t “crying out for help” or “rebelling” I just thought it was a cool thing to do at the time 
Now I am a 33 year old woman who has been with her now husband for coming up 17 years and have 3 amazing children and I work. I didn’t need therapy as there was nothing wrong.
Just TALK to your child let her know it was a silly thing to do then laugh about it and move on
From experience the more you react like that the less she will tell you
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I got my eyebrow and nose done at 13/14 and tatted at 18. Compromise with her, she can have piercings if she takes care of them and pays for them PROFESSIONALLY. As for the tattoo there is stuff you can use to cover it. By the time shes older she will want it covered.
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No offense to you but from reading your post you sound very judgmental. Every one knows the more you tell them not to do the more they will do it. By listening to your post. I don’t think you really carry a conversation with her. Or ask yourself are you talking to her or lecturing her. I agree both of you all need counseling I had it with my youngest I never knew the resentment she had towards her father until we did couceling. She cried during our sessions. It broke my heart. She is now 30 and we’re best friends she confieds in me. She turned out to be the best child w ever. Praying for you.
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Unfortunately, that’s all pretty standard things for teenagers to go through 🤷 she’s rebelling. Don’t take her to get the tattoo fixed. That’s punishment enough for doing it lol. But you have every right to be upset. Completely justified.
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I’m gonna just say from a rebellious kids perspective, with ALL of that, she will probably only get worse.
My parents were pierced and tattooed they allowed me and my sister to also be able to do the same…but within reasons of course I was 14 in the 6th grade when I got my first piercing other than my ears…I was 17 when I got my first tattoo…my parents bought my sister a tattoo kit at 15 when she expressed an interest in tattooing and has done most of the ink work on my body…now if I lied to my parents about these types of things they’d be understandably upset but they would also be educating me on things…but whatever rules in your household may not be the same as anyone else’s…if you told her she had to wait then that’s your right but…please don’t keep her from expressing herself and help her find new ways to go about it to where it’s ok with you and she doesn’t have to lie…get to the bottom of why she wants piercings and tattoos…
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NOPE. She would be in mom jail. Everything but her bed would be removed from her room and she would be given 2 outfits. Wear one, wash the other… She would be in her room unless it is mealtime or she needs to use the bathroom. The only time she would be out of the house is for counseling appointments. You need to put your foot down NOW. Her behavior should not be tolerated. There is no way I would have ever tried that crap at that age! My mom woulda WHOOPED me so bad I would have been begging for forgiveness. That being said my mom was incredibly laid back and I got my first piercings at 15 and my first tattoo at 17… I would have NEVER thought to go behind her back and do it sooner because there would have been serious consequences. I knew better than to be that disrespectful… And DEFINITELY DO NOT take her to her the tattoo fixed right away. Let her live with the consequences of her actions. When you do decide what to do either get it covered or do laser removal…
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She broke rules and did things she shouldn’t have. You chose punishments make sure she doesn’t put anything in her piercing and it will close up maybe. Give her repercussions for her actions and life experiences are no excuse for misbehavior
My son done that.no big deal
Picture of the tattoo?
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My dad hated the fact I had my lip pierced. Guess what I did. Pierced my nose and my ears from the cartilage down and started gauging them. 32 tattoos later and the only piercings I have left is my dermal lip tongue and nose, and I turned out fine 
I was 15 when he made me take all my ear piercings out and it pissed me off. Went on a whole spree. Started doing tats and now when my kids watch me, they want one. I put a sharpie on the gun so you hear the noise but no needles involved. Guess everyone parents different tho and really depends on your life style. 
my family is pretty “stuck up” in some peoples eyes and I’m more of a black sheep but hey
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Self expression? She’s a teenager. Instead of punishing her try to understand where she is coming from.
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She lied because she knew you would flip out. Self expression every teenager does it. Whether it is a choice in clothing music likes fads coloring hair nails makeup etc.
She is being a normal teenager and people recommending counseling are going way over board, I too listened to the people wanting to give good advice but it turned into a total nightmare, people with nothing more than a certificate passing judgment on you and saying jump when i say jump or else, yah total nightmare. I understand its not everyone’s experience but I wouldn’t toss the dice.
I’m sorry but she’s been a teenager for like 5 minutes no way I would just chalk it up to kids being kids! I would have whooped my daughter if she had done that at any age under my roof without my consent but that’s just me. No phone, no game systems, no internet, no life until I say! I wouldn’t go as far as counseling but maybe some good quality mom/daughter time would be good.
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So this is part self expression & part what she’s seeing in the media. I went thru a very similar phase. She doesn’t need counseling, she needs a new way to express herself without permanently changing her appearance. Maybe talk to her and find out what made her do the specific design she did? Maybe it’ll let you in a little bit more
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Oh hell no!
She’s 13 , id kick her ass big time.
I cut my hair when I moved in with my dad I had just turned 15 years old and my mom lost her mind. That was the most rebellious thing I did that was untalkable lol. I was too nervous to do anything like this… you need to take her out and talk with her ONE ON ONE. And if she refuses to open up because she’s 13 and maturing then my dear momma take her in to talk with you and her then have a session for JUST her. Get someone to get her to talk about whatever is pushing her over the edge to do such things to herself. Talk listen try to relate try to see where she’s coming from, don’t get mad at her don’t yell at her don’t lecture her, all that’s going to do is set her off more and become more drastic.
Shows some damn initiative though lmfao just make sure it is cleaned and heals right so no infections kick in. Honestly could he worse. I don’t punish self expression in my home as it’ll just make them rebel more.
This is great I did this as a kid too
Coming from experience: She probably feels like you just judge her with any decisions she makes. Sounds like she has trouble at school and with her friends and she can’t come home to escape it. Instead she has trouble with you also. The more you tell her not to do something and are afraid of her turning out like you, the more likely it will happen. Calm down and try to understand why she’s doing these things and relate to her instead of being angry and judgemental all the time. You only have 5 more years until she can leave and then you will literally have no choice what she does. Be kind and understanding and help her now.
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Its a tattoo and piercing. I understand you’re upset and she’s your baby, but on the scheme of things neither of those actions will alter the course of her life. Maybe try to determine what the action behind the behavior is.
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13alittle to young to b doing things like to hat good luck 
I’m sorry but why is she having boyfriends at 13???!!
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It really doesnt sound to me like she needs counseling. It seems like teen rebellion which is totally normal. I pierced my belly at 13 cause my mom wouldnt take me too. I wanted to be able to make decisions for myself and hated being told “no” like any 13 year old. I feel like trying to control her more is going to backfire
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I think every kid does this at least once in their lifetime.
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Send her to girls school or something- she needs me routine and discipline. That’s unacceptable behavior from a child- not even a teenager yet. Get it under control before she gets pregnant and lies to you about that for 9 months.
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That young and lying about it. No that’s not ok and you specifically said she could do this stuff when she was 16 which is a miracle in itself because I personally dont think a child should be getting any of that stuff until they’re 18 but yeah I dont think you’re being too harsh but you got to find the balance because you dont want her to stop talking to you about stuff either…
I’d definitely get her into counseling as being a teen in general is hard let alone what’s shes going through
That’s actually illegal in several states… Check your laws because you can get in serious trouble.
TikTok has a lot of girls tattooing and piercing themselves maybe that’s where the idea came from?? But 13 is a little young, but it could come from other influences or you know like I said social media. Tattoo shops won’t touch minors under the age of 17 where I live. Piercing shops some allow younger girls like her age to get piercings of course with parents consent and both sign waivers of what they’re doing (the minor & adult) because eventually if the piercing isn’t liked by her anymore she can just take it out. I just hope it’s being cleaned properly and doesn’t getting infected. Otherwise teenagers will express themselves, all in different ways. I started dying my hair when I was 12. But it wasn’t permanent colors and I had my mom’s approval she at least knew what I was doing.
She may just be rebellious or this may be a form of self harm.
Counseling never HURT anyone if it’s not needed and it definitely helps when it is. Maybe the tattoo and piercing are a clue to something deeper going on with her and maybe it isn’t. But it does sound like she might benefit from counseling either way given the troubles she’s had at school
Oh jeeze… My 12 y.o. gave herself TWO tattoos. Was I disappointed? Yes. Did I freak out on her? Definitely not. What good what that have done? She’s been in counseling and still did it. Now I just make sure she can’t get any needles n my tattoo gun and kit is put away where she can’t get. Hell I shoved a bunch of earrings through my ears because I wanted more than just one on each side and my parents wouldn’t let me. Just saying, the more you make it feel like jail or small things, the more she’s gonna do
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I did this. My friend and I pierced eyebrow, nose, lips, ears… I’m surprised neither of us died or lost a body part. We also did the stupid tattoo thing.
My parents made me take out the facial piercings. I could keep the ears. They didnt know about the tattoo. I’m sure my dad went crazy and that itself put me in my place.
I survived my teen years. You cant see the tat anymore and I have 0 facial piercings. Im married with 2 kids. No drugs or gangs or prison time. I did pretty well
Tell your mil to stfu. Have a talk with your daughter. Make sure she doesn’t get infected.
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I was 17 when I got my nose pierced and 24 when I got my belly pierced and tattoo at 24 but having a nose piercing at 13 isn’t even bad or dating at 13 lmfao but a tattoo could have waited until she was 18
This is pretty normal. The tatt done this way probably won’t hold.
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Sounds like my sister 7 years ago
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I did both of those thing when I was a teenager, and I turned out fine.
There are reasons she is inflicting the pain to herself. She is trying to drown out other pain, if that makes sense…
I
Would send her to therapy and remind her that you love her, also reassure her of your love and that you’re always there without judgment if she needs to talk.
I think you need to calm tf down, put her door back and have a heart to heart. Trust me, shell feel dumb for getting a crappy tattoo in a few years, but it can be covered. Maybe some therapy between the two of yall is a good idea too
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He’ll i am a grandma and all i wanted to do was get a tattoo we would put pins in ink to try and have a tattoo but i admit lying only makes things worse and do i have tattoos now oh yes back legs arms chest and either side of my neck am I proud of them yes also ears pierced a few times she is rebelling not saying don’t punish but have learnt over the years sometimes you have to loose to win and its great my kids talked to me and still do as adults you dont want any of your kids thinking they can’t talk to you about anything so hang in there mum and dad you will get there with her
No wonder she lies to you and didn’t tell you. You see how you reacted?
Maybe if you wasn’t so hard on her, she would be more open to you about things. Taking her door is completely over reacting. That’s a breach of her privacy. And honestly, you acting like that will make y’all not have a relationship when she’s older. Good luck with that.
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I did the same thing when I was younger, the tattoo faded as the years past. I’ve had my door removed, phone taken, and had to transfer schools. Honestly it made me rebel worse because I felt like I wasn’t heard and it was their way or no way.
Give her some options, compromise. Maybe even buy her a nose ring but express how dangerous it is to do it on her own, express she isn’t old enough for a tattoo but you would’ve let her get her nose pierced. Pick your battles, and remember how you felt as a young teen.
You said she’s been through a lot, maybe try discussing that with her, let her know you understand how hard it is to be a teen and offer her a girls day or some time alone with you with no pressure of having to discuss anything, just time to unwind and relax.
Let her know you see her… and you are there for her 
this world is cruel and unfair and sometimes we just need to be reminded that it’s ok to feel sad,stressed, out of place etc but we can’t get stuck there
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I done this exact thing but my parents told me they wish I get lead poisonings from the underground tattoo shop I used 🤦 talk to her don’t belittle her also If she feels like she may need canceling let her and y’all agree on it cause if y’all don’t she can take her way to being “normal”
I tried that tattoo thing and it disappeared shortly after I did it.
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I’d make her earn money and have the tattoo removed. And the piercing, gone. First off it’s unsafe, second I’d let her know that once she’s 18 she can do whatever she wants. Kids need parents to guide them and CORRECT them when their wrong. And a good long grounding is in order. If you don’t make a big impression on her who knows what she will do next.
My kid totally gave herself a tattoo at 13 too. she called it a “stick and poke”
Or some shit. I laughed it off but told her not to do it again, I’m not super strict at all. Anyways, a few days later, and guess what? That damn thing got infected and she needed antibiotics. She also pierced her ears a few weeks ago and those got infected too(she’s almost 16 now). So we now have learned our lesson. And funny thing was, I told her that I would have taken her to get the ears pierced. But she’s a kid and they don’t listen. However, I had to dig the earrings out of her ears so now I think she’s gotten the point. Lol kids will be kids. My kid is not bad or anything like that, she’s just curious and a kid. I personally think you are tripping out for nothing. You keep acting like this and before long she will be sneaking out and having all kinds of sex. Whoaaaa. That sounds worse than a little ol tattoo, right? Be her friend and stop the crazy mom shit.
OK, the reason she lies to you is that you go all ballistic on her. She knows you’d have had a fit, so she does it on the down low. You’ve got to get control over your emotions and cut this girl some slack! You have to be able to listen to her without judgement, try to understand her viewpoint, and give her as much control over herself and her environment as possible or she will rebel against the tight reins, and in much worse ways.
Give her as many options and let her choose as much as she can reasonably safely. What’s for dinner, which homework to do first, setting her own reasonable schedule, etc. Set parameters and let her make choices within them, like she has to stay within 2 miles of home and off highways, but can ride her bike anywhere after school within that limit. She needs to feel some sense of control to be OK, and be challenged enough to feel a sense of accomplishment/confidence.
Read some parenting books, get some therapy. You had to grow up fast by being parents young, so working through your past struggles with a therapist might be really helpful. Your daughter is not a mini version of you—she has her own thoughts, hopes, dreams, experiences and disappointments, so what you know may not apply to her.
Treat her & her opinions and viewpoints with respect. Instead of freaking out and taking everything away, ask what is going on in her life, and tell her your story and your fears and why you have come to the conclusions you have. Be prepared to accept a different viewpoint.
Do not raise your voice or punish her except as it pertains to safety or as a direct consequence of what she did. Talking with a tattoo artist about safety and regulations, and talking to older people with tattoos who are happy and unhappy with tattoos they got when younger is good.
Coming to a compromise would be good. Maybe get a doctor to check the nose piercing, talk to her about keeping it clean and free of infections, and going to get safe and sanitary earrings together. You pay for them but have her promise to ask you in the future, if you will promise to not freak out or punish her for asking, and you will take her to get it done professionally. No biggie, holes can grow shut if not used. Pick your battles.
We told our son he could get all the tattoos and piercings he wanted when he was 18. Or you can say she has to wait a year & if she still wants it, you’ll OK it. Chances are there will be a new fad by then.
Get your daughter some counseling as she has had a lot of blows all at once, and 13 is a seminal age for everything and it’s when risky behavior starts. She may not be mature enough to have good coping and resilience skills, and would benefit from professional advice from a non-parent. Get her involved in wholesome clubs and activities to expand her circle of friends outside of school. She’ll gain confidence with new skills and get perspective from other kids and parents.
Get family counseling to help you all develop healthier dynamics, find ways to de-escalate situations (middle school is so fraught with big emotions, drama and changes and no one survives unscathed), and ways to let your little butterfly spread her wings. Let her challenge herself safely by going to a trampoline park, going whitewater rafting or on roller coasters, or taking a leadership role like being a lector or acolyte in church, taking classes for and then babysitting, planning & executing dinner for the family, planning a family outing. Something just outside her comfort zone will build her self-esteem.
Surprise her with concert tickets, flowers, a mom & daughter day, just because. She will hide it mightily, but she craves your approval, attention and affection. Yes, you’re her mom, not her friend, but you have to earn her respect and trust too. Be firm but fair and listen, listen, listen and don’t betray her confidences. My folks said I would never be punished for telling the truth, and it has made me a very honest person.
Maybe take a meditation or yoga class together in person or online. Life is hard! Increase your emotional intelligence & you’ll all feel better and have a more pleasant life.
Talk to her about sex, consent, drugs, personal safety, how to behave with police/other law enforcement, health, STDs, before you think she needs it. Have lots of little conversations vs one big talk. Present facts, don’t lecture, and answer her questions honestly. Kids grow up faster & are exposed to more at earlier ages these days. There are great resources from many organizations and your library if you’re uncomfortable. Don’t frighten her, but make her feel empowered to shape her own destiny for the better. Let her know you’re not perfect and that she won’t be either, but that you will always have her back. It’s the way to a good relationship with her throughout your lives. Good luck! Rooting for all of you!
Good Lord you need to calm down. I wouldn’t want to talk to you either if you act like this. The girl is going through hell regarding school and her social life and also has to deal with a mother flipping out on her over behaviors that are clearly cries for attention? Talk to your daughter and connect with her…get her some counseling because I guarantee she feels more comfortable talking to someone else rather than you. Sometimes we have to respond to our kids with love instead of screaming and punishing. LOOK AT THE BIGGER PICTURE something much deeper is going on with your daughter
You’re just like my mother and I still resent her to this day. Instead of actually having a conversation with me or sitting me down, it was always taking away xyz. I eventually figured out that I should get duplicates or sneak the items back. Nope. Still can’t even go to her for help or advice either. I’m 28yrs old.
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So she can have 2 boyfriends but not a little stud nose piercing? I’m confused. I definitely don’t think it’s worth grounding her and punishing her for typical teenage stuff. I’d definitely tell her that it can be very dangerous to self tattoo and self pierce because of veins and infection. I would take her to get the tattoo fixed… and I would ask her what you could do to help her. Not punish her. If my parents were going to take my door off over a nose piercing, I’d be scared to tell them too… I was doing a lot worse at 13 and I’m going 25 now and a way better adult but I had to learn in certain situations. It’s better you gain her trust to be honest with you about things so you can guide her in the right direction. If not, later on she could end up in some really bad situations because she feels like she can’t call you to help you. I’m not saying condone everything but definitely let her try to be herself and be supportive.
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My parents were super against piercings other than my ears and only one hole so I did my own belly button I’m a lot laxer with my daughter I figure as long as it’s not her tongue or chest I’m ok with it holes heal once she gets bored
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At 13 my mum took me to get my tongue done. Then almost every other teen had one within 2 years. It’s a piercing it doesnt mean she gonna go out and start have drug fuelled orgies. As for the tattoo… pretty sure most my friends have some kind of cat scratches filled with ink we did with pins… they dont last. My mum had me when she was 17. I didnt have a child til I was 29. A child will either see you as a role model or someone they definitely dont want to be like…
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You are well within your rights as a mother to take her stuff. This is not normal teenage behavior. My moma would have in her words “beat the sleeves off ya” I wouldn’t have front teeth then after she knocked those out she would’ve sat me down and explained why she did it and why she’s not paying for dental work lol. 2 bfs at 13?!?! Plz. I better not let my parents know I was even breathing the same air as a boy at 13! Grab hold of your child now before life does! You all need family counseling and baby girl needs the fear of God put in her or something!
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Ah she’s 13 for the love of god. We all tried things like that at that age. Get over it
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I just want to add my 2 cents here…are you talking WITH her or talking TO her?
You sound extremely judgmental & almost karen like lol
You are pushing her away. She hid it from you & went behind your back because she knows this is how you react. She cant trust you.
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Counseling yes, for you both. She needs your love, not your judgment. I did the piercing (more holes in ears, not nose, but I did it with ice and a sewing needle myself) same age and probably wld have tattoo too if the ones I saw didn’t look so bad, ha! Covid, the pressures of coming of age, hormones, 2 working parents, hormonal classmates, bf’s at 13!!! You both need love and compassion. Counseling wld help.
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When I was 13 I did every one of those things. I pierced my ears, and carved into my feet “tattoos” i still have the little infinity sign and heart on the top of my feet. I was also really sad and depressed but I didn’t entirely realize it then, I was even in court ordered counseling since I went through sometime really fucked up. No body ever really noticed or cared and when they finally did notice it felt good that they cared and I’d run back and do it again. You’ve got to take a step back but still let her know that you care, like holding her at night and telling her it’ll be okay. She might not seem sappy but it might be just the thing she needs to hear every now and again
Try being open with her… I think at this age we all try finding ourselves and wanting to do the “cool” things… if you react like this she will never tell you anything ever. Can you imagine if she were with friends and had a drink?!? My kids know I would be upset but to call and not get in a vehicle and my 2 oldest or 12… she didnt hurt anyone and you are acting like she did… yikes mom
Make sure she knows aftercare so her tatt & piercing don’t get infected, it’s already done. She’s prob rebelling cause she’s hurt, show her she shouldn’t be instead of reinforcing how she sees things and work forward together instead of pushing her backwards. She’s not you.
Are you pretending to be your mother to see what people say?
Cause I’m having trouble seeing that a grown adult asked this.
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Ok piercing her own nose and giving herself a tattoo are quite big things to me being a teenager is hard with all the hormones and peer pressure that comes with it and it’s hard on us parents seeing our lovely sweet kids turn into these sullen mini adults. Counselling isn’t a bad thing I had quite a few problems during my teenage years and didn’t get help till I was in my 30s and if I’d got it when I first needed it I would have made so many healthier choices in my life. It’s not your fault this is happening you went back to work is a normal thing don’t put yourself down. Help her and yourself x be strong and most importantly love her x
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You are possibly being too controlling. Kids lie because they are scared to get in trouble. It’s her body. She wants control over it. Its hers. Relax. Give her the door back. Tell her you want to ear each others trust again and start fresh. Not only do I have a bachelor’s but also a mom to 5 and my 14 year old is a super kid. Hang in there. But stop hanging on so tight or you will push her away.
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So I was like your daughter when I was about 14. I’m 22 now. Take her to therapy. Try to listen to her to find the right person. She may not feel comfortable about talking to you about things. And that’s ok. Don’t feel bad. You will probably want to sit in on the sessions with her. But i would let her do it on her own. Just wait in the waiting area. I am not saying anything she is doing is ok. She’s trying push the boundaries. If she claims she “needs” a phone. Get her one like a slide phone. No access to apps. Don’t give in. I ended up a single mom at 19. I’ve turned my life around now. But it was a very hard road. DO NOT LET HER WIN YOUR TRUST BACK EASILY. I remember thinking I was so smart to “play along” until I got my things back. Then went back to the way I was before.
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I did all that stuff to. I was acting out because things were going on in my life and I was trying to make myself feel better and I was punishing myself at the same time. What she did was not to hurt you. I think therapy is an amazing idea. Full support from you and her dad are needed as well. Give her the some things back and talk to her. I didn’t feel like I had anyone to talk to. I felt lost. Go in there and squeeze her tight, she is probably Screaming for someone to help and doesn’t know how else to ask. That’s my experience. The best of luck to you. To be fair I have an insane amount of piercings and quite a few tattoos so that part she may keep doing but it’s better than some other ways to relieve the heavy emotions.
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As a child who did the very same thing and had the legitimately same situation with my mom. Put her in counseling. It was my saving grace. It took me a bit to open up to my counselor but once I did it was nice being able to talk to someone other than your parents. I thank my mom for it as an adult now.
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I did that when I was younger. Try support her creativity… I know she is young but if she feels understood she may find different ways to let out.
Take her to a parlour and let her meet artists that can give her advice etc.
Don’t condemn her or make her feel wrong…
Find ways to let her bloom
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This was me! I pierced my lip 3 times myself, each time I got yelled at and it made me want it more. When my mom calmly talked to me, expressed her feelings and concerns without putting me down it made me understand more. When she wasn’t around much, I became rebellious and wanted more attention negative or positive. She started talking me on little mother daughter trips like lunch/dinner, nail salon, hair salon, grocery shopping, anything that was just us two and it made me more aware that i wanted positive attention. We went to a therapist one on one and some she sat in with me so we could see what to work on.
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Do you know any people that have bad tattoos and home piercings my friends daughter talked to one of our friends that made those mistakes and kinda steered them in the better direction also counseling is always helpful its hard to talk to that’s not your parents is helpful also don’t freak it makes it worse apologize if you yell and talk and treat her as a human and explain why doing those things upset you
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I would consult a therapist. Make her take the piercing out maybe it will grow up the tattoo not sure what you can do about it. If it was my child i would try and get it removed. That is way too young. My husband had one done when he was young and regrets it he also had his ears pierced and he regrets that as well.
I would definitely send her to counseling. She is going through stuff and she needs someone to talk to. Make sure its a female. She is testing your boundaries and you cant waiver. 16 is completely a reasonable age to wait until you get pierced. I got my nose pierced at 16 and it got infected like every other week. Its extremely dangerous to mess with ink and whatnot and there is a reason places don’t tattoo 13 year olds. She needs an outlet and maybe a group or something she can find friends that might not be in her school. Don’t wait too late for counseling bullies have a HUGE impact on developing kids and better safe to do it now then sorry that you didnt
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My daughter gave herself at tattoo at age 13 on the inside of her ankle. I had seen it but thought she had just drawn it on with pen as she has drawn on herself many times before. She confessed to me some time later that it was a real tattoo. I was surprised but the deed had been done and it’s actually cute, thankfully! She will be 17 next month and she’s a great kid. Teenagers are impulsive and they do dumb things, it’s their nature. If she’s having a rough time then yes, get her counseling. It can’t hurt! Make sure the lines of communication are open between the two of you, that is very important. I was a teen in the 80’s and it was a much simpler time. Today, it’s a whole different ballgame. Good luck to you!
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Breath… She is her own person she can make her own choices (maybe not the best) you’re here for guidance at this point and that’s about it…
I would just sit down and talk with her about the situation let her know you aren’t happy but don’t scold her and push her away… This is a learning curve for all of you. If you want respect you have to give it, if she doesn’t feel respected thats more of a reason to push back and rebel.
Be easy on yourself it has nothing to do with you working, she is a teenager and expressing herself. Maybe have a Saturday a month where it’s just you girls and you guys then have that bonding time to talk about things that are less talked about.
Good luck mama 
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Pierced myself 
Just glad she doesn’t have blood poisoning. Seriously the wrong artery and this is a different story.
Please establish a relationship and give her back the door. A therapist is good because sometimes groups are available. She needs a community.
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I was that kid. I did much worse. Don’t make it about you… and how hurt you are. Just be there for her… talk with her. Listen to her… listen to listen and not to respond. Just be there for her, she’s going through stuff, figuring out who she is, dealing with emotions, and just being a teenager can be tough. Counseling was a waste for me, the lady judged me and couldn’t understand why I was out late hours. The lady wasn’t living in my household and she couldn’t relate to my upbringing. Just be there for her… she lied because she knew how you would react. Try not to react In such a way, don’t take it personal, she’s not attacking you or doing those things to hurt you. Just try to listen and understand and I can guarantee you she will come to more often and not lie.
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Not trying to tell you how to raise your child but this is my personal thought.
She is growing up. But even still she will always be your baby.
Given everything we go through at that age, and everything you said she’s going through at school, I would say let her come to you about these things. Obviously keep an eye out for any red flags but, You were right to keep asking but you also don’t want to press to hard.
For me as a child/teen my mom let me do my own thing and I came to her when I needed her. But when I turned 13 and got my period and all these crazy things were happening to me, all the poking and prodding she did made me feel suffocated. Like I wasn’t allowed to just be me. Like she didn’t love me anymore. She eventually let up and I started to feel I could trust her with certain things again. She’d take me out to lunch or dinner and we’d talk about our week, or go to a movie, or the bookstore ECT. We found a way to connect as mom and daughter again and it helped in so many ways.
It’s hard to let go and give them more freedom. Lord knows I’m gunna have a rough time with my daughter but making your child feel and believe they can trust you with anything is priority number 1 for me.
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I’m sure this has been a big shock for you. But try asking her why she did it. Tell her you flipped out but are calm now and want to talk to her. Ask her if she still wants the belly piercing, talk about the nose piercing, ask her about doing it, did it hurt, how brave she was to do it herself etc. engage with her and go from there. Good luck 
I pierced my nose at 14, without consent. Now at 33, I don’t wear it and it’s closed up. I was a great kid though. Babysat, got honor roll grades, did all my chores etc. I did it for attention. I always felt my mom was more wrapped up in her husband and my younger siblings, that I was forgotten about. Maybe just try to talk to her and spend some 1 on 1 time with her. Offer counseling, although I was in counseling and still did it.
Honestly, I craved my mom’s attention. Piercing my nose didn’t work though. I had to get pregnant at 17 and throw away a full ride scholarship to Yale before I was noticed…
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She doesn’t need counseling 
she’s a teenage girl. I got 3 small tattoos at 17 and said it was Henna. Responding to her like this will just make her want to do it more. It might be a new influence in her life.
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We all just want to be the best mom we can! I’m not going to tell you that you are wrong! I will however, tell you that I would have handled it differently. Taking her things, taking her door off the hinges, all of that, will just make her afraid to tell you anything. Rather than punish her…sit her down and talk to her. Ask her why she felt she had to hide it? Why she felt she had to do it NOW rather than wait until you would let her? From your reaction to this, she’s just going to shut down. She sounds like a normal 13 yr old to me. I’ve always been open with my child about things and he’s always been open with me. As for piercings and tattoos…its an expression of art. Yeah, its on her body, but, at least she’s not experimenting with drugs or self harm. Good luck momma!!!
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Instead of sending her for counseling, why not sit and talk to her and LISTEN to what she has to say? Really listen without interrupting. Try to understand what’s going on before just wanting to judge and “fix” what we think is wrong. I’m a mom of a 12 yr old whom also recently started her period…her friends at school aren’t really friends and we deal with disappointment of how badly they treat her daily. The one thing I try and do is to remind her that the way those people are treating you is a reflection of what’s wrong with them, not her. There’s nothing wrong with you standing your ground and setting rules to be followed. I have that too and am against lying full stop. In my view if you “did the crime” you do the time…dorky yes but they get where I’m coming from and know very well that their actions and decisions have consequences.
You’re NOT a bad mom but remember that she’s not you and you are not your mother. You have the opportunity to help her see that to try and make better choices and have more support doing so.
Best of luck and love to you and your daughter.
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I was once this kiddo, 1.Its not your fault 2.the tat is on her body now and shell either have it forever or itll go away (most home tats like that do or fade) 3. Most importantly dont lash out, conversations work better, keeping calm works wonders.Dont let her do anything she wants but spend time with her and get her to feel comfortable talking to you!! Counseling could help but it could also be unhelpful in ways.Take her on the trips and make it a point to do one on one things.she may feel isolated and lonely, be the ear and confidence builder in her life but explain good and bad behavior.try not to be mad because at the end of the day it is her life and body, just let her know she could have hurt herself terribly.soften a little but be firm!!
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I am raising a rebellious 14 yr old granddaughter. She too wants her nose pierced and asked me what would I do if she did it herself I told her do it and find out. Of course, I have no idea what I would do. It seems to work for now. No one is a perfect parent. Children and adults have choices to make right or wrong. A parent can only be there and do the best you know how.
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