I feel like this is a normal thing for some teenagers. By 18 I had both ears fully pierced, nose, tongue, and belly button. I wouldn’t harp on the situation in the wrong way. Because when my parents pressured me, I just went and got a few more. I would explain the hygiene side of it, and harp on it that way. The internet has many wonderful photos.
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Yeah, I think you over reacted a bit. I pierced my lip at 14 & ran away to Atlanta… I had my reasons, I had a crazy childhood… but remember that she’s expressing herself and also is trying to figure out what works for her. As for her tattoo… yes she deserves to be grounded… but just remember she will regret that once she gets older. Kinda like the gift that keeps on giving… she will keep looking at it and regret it…
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If she wants counceling, then go for it. I wouldn’t force her to go though, that will just make her more angry. A peircing and a tattoo are far from having a baby so I wouldn’t worry too much yet. Overreaction from you could cause her to rebel more…its such a tricky age, 13. Ask her for input on how she wants to spend her time. Try to accommodate and be sensitive.
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Wow she’s 13 and you’re letting her date? That’s probably your first mistake
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Counceling might help. Especially if she seems to be stressing alot.
For everyone bashing this momma I guarantee if it were you in her shoes you’d react the same way. Cut her some slack she is asking for advice not to be attached. We all raise our children different
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Shes a teenage girl testing the waters!! Sounds like how I was when I was her age. She doesnt need counseling just needs to know that you guys love her and taking the phone and door is absolutely something that should be done! I think she does need to go with yall on the family trip and she needs to be with you guys but doesnt get phone while there.
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She’s 13… she’s testing and finding herself…
Taking her privacy is the wrong way in my eyes… talk to her… give her love… be there for her… we all had a hard way to get a grown up in this age…
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I did all sorts of things like this as a teen! Don’t be too hard on her or she might become secretive from you… Its hard being a teenager and we all did silly things, just love her and guide her through it, try not to over punish for these things xx
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Take a big old deep breath, she is just acting out. I would suggest you try just leveling with her, sounds like you are more hurt ur little girl lied than your mad about what she did. Be her mom and try to balance some of being her friend, remember what it was like being 13. It’s not an easy age she probably did it to try and fit back in. My mom always taught me before we get mad at our children to ask them why they did what they did, chances are they thought they were doing what was necessary in the moment and it’s a teaching moment instead of a iron fist moment
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I would give her some sort of punishment for doing that… I would also show her videos of what happens when you pierce and tattoo your own skin with bad infections, etc so she can learn.
I’m not going to lie, I had my friend pierce my belly button at school in the bathroom when I was like 16 lol and I got a tattoo behind my moms back when I was 17… however, I regret it 100%… teenagers will be teenagers! Just try to keep her on the right path and little things like that will have grounding, etc but just make sure she doesn’t do anything serious (drugs, sneaking out or running away, etc)
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Your daughter sounds like she is hurt, loosing her friends and now being bullied.You and your husband should talk with her and see if she will open up to you.She is trying to do self expression, if she is into art try to get her to take local classes for her age and give her a chance to make new friends.Let her know that you were going to let her get the piercings when she turned 16 and let her know ur hurt by her decision.counseling may help if she feels alone and doesnt want to talk to you
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If that’s all she did. That is the least of your worries. Taking away privacy rights will only make her lash out more and then yeah, she probably will go down the wrong path.
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My daughters have been rebellious since 12. When 14 I let them pierce their noses bc I knew that if didn’t do those lil things with them they would go behind my back and I’d rather them do at home where I could supervise rather than behind my back and get infection or something. Maybe not the right choice but I know them they already had tried to pierce their noses at friends and so this is the choice I made. Atleast this way I can overwatch and make sure it’s safely done.
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Honestly I got my first tattoo (by a professional) at 13 and my first piercing as well…would I be mad my daughter did it to herself yes because it’s not sterile but I also would let my daughter get it done if she was responsible enough and if she asked me and went to a professional.
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My daughter pierced her own nose as well when she was 14 I more less think its a thing now n days seems all girls have one. I understand grounding her but she is 14 n going through things its the teenage life
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All I can say is… just let her know your there… explain that her listening to how you feel and vice versa is what you both need, let her know your willing to talk it out and give her some space to be herself with abit of leniency… sometimes harsh punishment can go the opposite way and she can lash out equalling worse outcomes… the best thing would be to be her therapist, I’m 26 and at her age I got a tattoo, dyed my hair and purposely did the opposite to what my mum told me because I wasn’t allowed my own space, I hope it works out for you though and you both heal!! Xx
I pierced my belly button at 16 and my dad took it out, not nicely and I never did it again til I was 18 and he couldn’t stop me. I also got a tattoo on my 18 bday but my dad would take my car keys and ground me to my room for a week or more at a time. I valued my social life enough I stopped doing the things he could prove I was doing. I did get pregnant at 16 w my oldest but I got my act together pretty quickly and that was that. Try talking to her but I was the kind of kid that did things bc i knew they made my parents mad. It would have never mattered what they said or did. I was doing what I wanted. Thr most helpful thing would have been when I asked for birth control for them to let me have it and not threaten me and tell me not to have sex. Obviously that didn’t work and I couldn’t afford planned parenthood at the time bc I worked.
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When I was a child I did both as well. My mother made me take out the nose piercing right away as soon as she found out, and the home tattoos fade and just become small scars after time. It’s what kids do and it’s not because you’re doing anything wrong. Shame on the kids at school who bully her and shame on their parents. I don’t think she needs counseling, maybe have that conversation with her and ask if she feels she needs it. Also maybe try to connect with someone who also has a 13 year old daughter and set up times for them to meet and hang out? Just an idea, my daughter is only 10 but all of this worries me as well and I just think back to when I was a young woman and why I acted the way I did and try for it to be different for my daughter. I wish you the best of luck. Grounding her is good and reminds her she still needs structure.
I mean - id punish her for disobeying but, and I dont mean to be judgey or insensitive but, it’s just piercing and tattoo. Shell regret that tattoo one day and that’s punishment enough lol teens rebel, it’s normal. Also it could just be her trying to express herself. The more you turn this into a negative the more shes gonna push back against you. Talk to her with an open mind and go from there. (My boyfriends tattooed and piercing and stretched ears, I have stretched ears and gave myself homemade tattoos at 16 and were now in our 30s and not down a bad path 
)
When I was a teen, I pierced three holes in my ears because my mom wouldn’t let me get my belly button done. My mom and I compromised…I could get a different type of ear piercing (industrial bar), and had to wait till 16 for the belly button. A lot of it was about control over my body but I respected the agreement. There was also a lot of personal stuff going on where the pain helped. I went into counseling and I realized that the behavior was destructive 
. But as stated in above comments, talk to her. What’s going on for her? Explain how tats are legit forever…and the reason for the wait is because in a few years she’ll be completely different you don’t want her to regret anything. Ya know what I mean? I started with that shit early…and I WISH I had someone tell me to wait, explain what self love is and taking my time to find good artists, good designs etc. good luck though…my girls almost 4, and She’s just like me 
At 14 my mom took me to get my eyebrow pierced, the day I was of legal age. Personally, as someone who still likes playing with their looks, it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s in any type of mentally/emotionally hard place. Maybe, instead of jumping straight to throwing her in counseling, sit and ask her these questions? Then ask HER if she’d like to talk to a counselor, because there could be some things she’d be embarrassed talking to you about
Talk to her find out what is upsetting her and what she needs. Punishing human emotions only teaches children to hide emotions. As for the piercing and tattoo my personal opinion is we should allow our children to make their own decisions about their own bodies, we don’t own our children and although she may regret it when shes older there’s endless options to remove those decisions but you can never remove the emotional pain.
I personally think these behaviors are pretty on par for teenage rebellion. I’m not quite sure this warrants therapy yet. I think that she may feel like you are pushing her off on someone else. Maybe sit down and talk to her. Calmly. Tell her that you are sorry that she is going through so much at school and that those things can not be easy to deal with. I would then tell her that you are going to put her door back on her room because, you know that she will make good choices. Then I think I would just work really hard on communication. Which is easier said than done because teenagers are jerks. Try not to react much to her bad behavior. This could just simply be her way of needing extra attention? Reinforce the positive behavior. Set goals with her. Let her know when she can get her privileges back and just tell her you are worried about her doing those things on her own because you don not want her to get an infection. I’m a nurse and I would probably even show her what can happen when those things she did gets infected 
I’m a big fan of letting people know their consequences and presenting reality (psych nurse to be precise lol). Start working on the communication. She is at an age that stuff is about to get really difficult aka highschool. Help her gain trust in you! You got this!!!
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Get her into counseling. It sounds like she doesn’t like herself very much. It’s definitely not about the nose or the tattoo. She is wanting attention. She needs to know she’s a good person and she matters. I don’t think you over reacted. What we did as teenagers was in a different time. I tell my kids there are rules in place to keep you safe, and to stop you from making irrational decisions you may or may not regret. There are rules you need to follow in every aspect of your life, and there are consequences if you don’t follow them. You are following through with the consequences that you told her would happen if she didn’t listen to you. That’s what makes you a great parent. 1 thing I would have done different is waiting to talk to her once you have cooled down a bit. Sometimes we say things we wouldn’t have if we weren’t so disappointed.
I don’t think waiting til she’s 16 to get her nose done is unreasonable and as far as the tattoo, I made my kids wait until they were old enough to sign for themselves. 1 chose not get any, and 1 has many.
It could be a phase. I went thru the same phase but til til I was 15. I would have a a calm sit down with her and explain the importance of why it’s so dangerous to do the piercing and tattoo thing so young and not by a professional, and why you want her to wait til shes 16.
Wow! Some of these responses actually shock me. There is nothing wrong with her and there isn’t anything wrong with you or your husband. Parenting don’t come with a hand or rule book. She’s being a teenager for crying outloud. Were you a perfect teen and did nothing to rebel or show who you are as a person? My daughter will be 15 in August. She asked if she could get her nose pierced. I ordered a piercing gun and she did it on her own. Does that make me a bad parent!? I don’t think so. Some of y’all need to chill out and let your kids grow into the person that they need to be. The more you push for “obedience” , the further you push them away. Pick and choose your battles. Nobody is perfect. Good luck momma!
Piercing - I did my nose at a young age.
Tattoo- I do believe a little young for tattoos (I have tattoos so I’m not against them). I personally would take her to get the tattoo removed.
Have a deep and meaningful chat with her. Sounds like she’s trying to rebel or has something going on you don’t know about.
Think your over reacting I took my 14 year old for her birthday and got her septum pierced. I mean be mad that she did it without telling you but maybe you should let her do her and express her self the way she wants too. It could have been an experience that both of y’all could have done together. Try to remember that you where young once too. Right now she feels like no one understands her and life sucks. We’ve all gone through this. But if your to strict she could rebel even more. So calm down take a breather and think of another way to go about this.
I would at least allow her to have a Curtain to replace the door and definitely send her to conseling it may be very beneficial
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Counseling…a professional she feels she can open up to. She isn’t opening up to you (often happens with teens - don’t feel hurt - take positive action). She is at a difficult and confusing age…find a therapist that deals with young teens. Hang in there Mom and God bless.
Counseling and parenting classes they will teach you how to handle things like this . I struggled with my youngest boy and I do things the way the classes showed me and it works my kids awesome now!!
Just sit down and talk and listen to her feelings! It could be worse don’t go to extremes because next time if she needs to let you in on things going on in her life she may completely close you out ! Everyone lives and learns I know it’s easier said than done
I have 3 children 22 daughter 17 son 11 daughte and teens can drive you crazy but this is hella extra and she’s pushing back hard…So at this point she’s completely out of control and it will get worse if swift action is not taken …I would be afraid she’s using drugs this behavior usually goes hand in hand…That said she needs help…I have a feeling theirs more to her than you realize she might be crying out for attention and negative behavior is just as good as positive ones…Sorry I know it’s hard mum you’re doing the right thing and no matter what others say this is not normal for a 13 year old…I shall keep y’all in my prayers and it will get better…
Counseling could be one way to address her , she’s gone thru tough stuff and definitely not so great life choices .
Coming from someone with a very controlling and abusive parents (not at all saying your abusive) but I feel like trust needs to be both ways between a parent and child.
A teenager needs her privacy. Taking the door is a little extreme but everything else mentioned above is exactly what I’d do as a parent. BUT I do feel like having a deep discussion with each other and be on each other’s level. Make her feel comfortable with talking to you about things. Whatever she’s going through be there with love and comfort but don’t forget you are her parent. One thing I wish I had growing up was having that bond and trust. I was never able to talk to my parents about anything because I never felt comfortable and any little thing would set my dad off and I’d get beat for just liking a boy.
Whatever she’s rebelling about or for, try to understand her and listen. Notice the signs of depression and anxiety and make her feel wanted and important. And I feel like you should bring up potential therapy to her. If she feels she doesn’t need it or doesn’t feel comfortable with it don’t pressure her. But if she want that then go for it.
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Called growing up. Yes punishment for Lieing is a must. But its part of growing up. Shes a teenager. I think the no phone and family time are good for her. But talk to her and really listen. Sounds like she going threw some stuff.(normal teenage stuff everyone goes threw) but she needs to know you have her back.
I did the same stuff. Kids do that. My parents tried. I didnt listen. But I moved out at 18 and been fine ever since and have 4 kids now. I didnt destroy my life by doing those things. I learned a lesson. But the more u push the more they push back dont be so hard on her.
When my girls were in middle school, the big thing was belly button piercings. My middle daughter, tried to
Pierce hers at school with a safety pin. A good friend of mine let me know after her daughter told her about my daughter. I did not flip out (I had already learned that is the worst response). I asked her about it. Then I asked the important questions, did you sterilize the area, the safety pin, was your hands before starting? She said no and asked why. I replied with,”well, I love you and care about your health. I don’t want you to get an infection and possibly have to have infected tissue removed from your tummy, or have to take a lot of antibiotics. I will make you a doctor’s appointment just to get it checked out. She worried all weekend and the first days of the week until we went to the doc. When they were teenagers and had summer jobs as life guards, I took them to get belly button piercings, because they asked, I selected a place I where I knew the people and knew it was sanitary.
I have a 15 & 16 year old daughter’s. Only you know your child. I totally understand why you would be upset and feel the way you do. However, I have learned with my oldest especially, after many knock down drag out fights, that the more I react, the harder she pushes back. I have slowly been teaching her self care and that her actions have consequences even if just to herself. If you truly feel there is an underlying reason that she’s acting out and that she needs help, get it for her. Trust your gut. But, if you feel she’s just going through a patch of defiance, don’t flip out. That’s what she wants. She should be punished for breaking your rules but that’s it. Not for the piercing or tattoo. It’s her body and she has to learn that doing those herself could be dangerous and have lasting issues. I think this was more about defiance than the actual piercing and tattoo. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Maybe compromise with her need for self expression. Like dying her hair instead of a piercing or a new haircut. This too shall pass!
Hang in there. I raised 5 kids. All different personalities. I did alot of praying. Some I could just talk to. Some I had to show tuff love to. But it will get better.
I think the important thing here is, she needs to trust you just as much, if not more, than you need to trust her right now.
Punishing a kid seems appropriate when it’s not sometimes.
I personally think you should all work with a therapist.
She needs to understand she’s in control over her own body, while also understanding how dangerous what she did really is.
You had an extreme reaction to an extreme reaction, until you get some neutral base in the mix, you’re going to find explosive behaviors everywhere you turn…
Okay I was a rebellious 12/13 year old… my parents put me in intensive outpatient therapy it’s was through a hospital… I wasn’t as messed up as some of the others but dang it worked. I highly suggest counseling one on one and with you and husband and a counseling with peers… also take her to her pediatrician and bring up these things! She’s lashing out for a reason… taking the door off was right! My parents had the cops come to our house when I was that age here’s what the cops told my parents (take it all away! A bed off the ground, take everything out of room and you give her 4/5 outfits, door off.) all the extras are a privilege not a right… she can earn her stuff back.
Let her talk to someone, because she is at that age when everything goes wrong. The start of the teen years are hard. Don’t think clamping down on her hard will fix it. It makes it worse in someways. A good family councilor can make a big difference. Get one that will work with all of you.
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So um, odd ball out, my parents allowed me to get my belly button done at 13. Even went to a shop. Now you cant do it that young. I got my nose done at 14. I pierced my lip, and my eyebrow by my self because I wanted it. No my ring did not work in the lip so that didn’t stay. My eyebrow stayed for a couple months and then took out because my mom wouldn’t let me have it if I got my license back. Sd we can drive at 14. So I think you just need to talk to her. It seems like this is her way of expressing herself and letting out her frustrations. She’s asking for attention and I don’t think giving her negative attention will work here. My parents didn’t do it, they just didn’t allow me to do something I truly wanted. Maybe ask her if going to a different school will help. If those girls are doing that then next year won’t be good either. Been there, the principal even took the other girls side when my dad took screenshots of what they said about him. So I transfered and I had a better experience then.
Now is the time to build trust with your daughter. You can’t bully her into obedience especially at a time in her life when she’s learning self determination. She will runaway or be praying for the day she turns 18 send can get the heck out of there.
I commend you for reaching out and doing your best so she doesnt go down the same path you did. There must be a reason why she feels she needs to be rebellious.
I pierced my lip when i was that age she sounds exactly like me when i was young just guide her be mom but remember nothing wrong with being a friend at this age cause the more you punish and the more you come down on her hard the more she will defy and do her own thing
She is going to try to push you away as much as possible Right now it’s not the time for hardcore punishment of course taking a electronics and things away Yes but don’t lose your temper she’s obviously going through things and she needs her mom, and she needs a friend as well so you have to be both. Yes she’s going to need you to be the adult and she’s going to lose some of her privileges. But she also seems to go through things and needs you not to be mom needs you to be a friend at the same time and listen and not judge. You already being very relaxed on saying she can get all those piercings when she was 16 cuz my mom sure as hell would have told me 18. And maybe she does need counseling if she can’t talk to you, but these are things that are going to get worse as she gets older. She’s only 13 years old and she’s already trying to give herself tattoos, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s at least smoking pot and cigarettes maybe even trying alcohol. If this is the things you know I’m sorry there’s probably a lot more that you don’t
Sounds like you don’t communicate much with your daughter and lash out whenever she does something you don’t like. Maybe listen to why she did it intead of throwing a tantrum like a baby. It’s her own body, you can’t change what happened . All you can do is listen to how she feels , and be more involved
She needs a form of self expression. Paint set and easel? Her door back because now she knows for certain you dont understand. Her lengths to gide stuff from you will go further and she needs to know you will lie steal and kill for her. That you are her best friend even if she doesnt know it and she never needs to lie to you. She wants to be cool. Find out what that means to her and help her accomplish it. Suggestions hip hop dance class. Where friends can be made. Krav maga. And maybe a loved cousin to come visit to reset her or settle her in and forward.
Just remind her that you love her UNCONDITIONALLY!!! I came from Amazing parents and my sister and I turned out completely different. My sister who was the “amazing” child who always followed the rules… she had too much pressure to be perfect and killed herself with pain medications 10 years ago. Me, I turned to drugs at 16 and have had a rocky road… spent a lot of time in abusive relationships, gave birth at 24 to a daughter who gave me a reason to change my life! I was always rebelling, but the 1 thing I can tell you is my mom ALWAYS believed in me and promised she loved me and never held it over me! I lost my mom in January and she told me that my dads mom always told her that I will never follow the rules, I will play life by my own rules, but that she always knew that I would survive and be okay! And, I am! I have bad days, my daughter has been through hell as well. But, I also have found an amazing relationship with my daughter over the past few months when i stopped freaking out about everything. Allowing her to make her own mistakes and instead of “i told you so” or whatever… I just always tell her that she a bad choice and try to inform her of a better option. Yes, I have taken away her phone, but when I stopped freaking completely out and taking her having an option out of the picture, her and I have a great relationship. I wish you best! Strong willed children are not easy, but… the will always need to know they are loved
I pierced my belly button… with a thumb tac… IN MATH at school. My mum was a little upset, made me take it out and let it heal. She then took me to get it done properly because its safer… I am grateful for this, saved me rebelling too much.
You haven’t failed, but you should probably ease up a little and do these scary thing with her? so she doesn’t do it again.
I made my son give me his earring. I then had him earn a professional piercing back. I wasn’t happy, but now all of my kids know that if they want to change or add or however you want to put it, it is a discussion and then a how do you show me you are responsible enough to make these choices.
I pierced my own nose around that age. I did not tattoo myself however I did brand myself with a friends earring. Now as a parent I see the anger and concern however I think teens do stuff like this.
I know you are angry but try to talk to her and let her know you love her no matter what she does. Kids need to hear that. Talk to her about why you are worried, about all the safety issues and most importantly show her how it is properly done. Take her to a saloon where she can get a pearcing and a tattoo safely. Don’t ground her, you can go only as far with that.
There’s a documentary on Netflix called Why we hate and a doctor explains on this show that if people get socially excluded by their peers and /family the same area of the brain gets triggered that will make you go into a murdurous rage. I would def get help. Friends play such an important role at this time of their lives.
Good luck xx
Maybe spend more time with her and gain her trust so she doesnt hide things from you, she hiding it for a reason ie. Shes scared of you.
Glad you punished her. Your her mom. She could have got lnfected doing those things. Hope you told her that. Could she join a club .like dancing. Anything to boost her confidence. I got bullied. How awful for her. A hobby could help.
Exactly , and there is the fact that Maybe she wants you home . One of mine needed and listning, and I was busy and working , wring choice. Should have stayed home stuff is stuff
I’ve done both of those things. It’s pretty normal for her age… luckily after about 2 years the “tattoo” was gone 
Take a deep breath, I did the same stuff she’s doing she’s going through a phase and punishing and freaking out on her is going to make her rebel even further. Sit down with her have a civilized conversation where you listen to understand not to respond. I’m 37yo now I have a soon to be 16yo child so I’m coming to you as that child and a mom. she needs to know you’re there for her to come to when she needs to talk, vent etc there needs to be an open line of communication without judgement and anger as a mom you’re going to have to hear some uncomfortable conversations and oh bite your tongue so hard to resist the urge to argue but the bond it will create is pretty incredible. It’s a phase I promise she’ll get through it, counseling’s a good idea so she has an outlet while you work through your anger and frustration of a teen testing the waters.
I have no advice. That is a tough age. Peer pressure and a need to discover where you belong in the world can be overwhelming. Puberty effects all of us different. Hope things get better.
I dont think sending her to counseling will be needed unless you see a drastic change in her behavior or even with school grades. Children change constantly, just be there and support her and let her talk to you and make it known that you may not understand what she feels so try to have her talk to you about it. If you try to tell her you want to take her to therapy it might make her act out more. I think you should give her her door back, sit down and talk to her and try to see why she is acting out
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I honestly think piercings are fine. I had 2 tongue pierce and my belly and now i don’t have them and it closed. As for a tattoo i would like my kids to ask me to go with them once they reach the age 18. That is a serious decision and should br made with logic.
I would be more mad with that tatt.
I guess I’m the odd one out of this group bc if my 13 yr old did this he would have nothing but a bed and a book for the rest of the summer 
I’m not saying I wouldn’t talk to him about it. I would definitely make sure he knows I love him and there for him but he also has to know he cannot do things like that. Proud of you for taking her things away 
just also conversate and ask her about therapy. Maybe she will want to go.
I would force her to take it out and make her go to counseling most definitely. But I’d also explain to her that the reason she is in trouble is because she did it without permission and it could’ve gone very badly. She should have asked or saved up her OWN money to go to a professional person. It could get infected, and the tattoo? That’s so crazy!
Maybe go to counseling with her. You can’t fight her actions. She will retaliate and resent you. Have her earn a nose piercing and take her to experience it with her. So many bonding experiences a mother and daughter can experience together!
Had my nose done by my friend when I was 13 my mom got mad and said ugly things to me that really hurt me but i said so what its just a little hole in my body thats not gonna change anything but the tattoo thing is a little far just remember she humam she has feelings too
I had super strict parents when I was younger - I did heaps of stuff they didn’t know about - if my parents loosened the reins a little maybe I wouldn’t have.
Take her to a tattooist- ask them to tell her the dangers of home tattooing how they have to sterilise all their instruments.
Kids are cruel - I wouldn’t take her phone as u are cutting off of her communication - but I would ban social media so the issues from school can’t follow her home.
Give her a ton of chores to do - explain why honesty is so important.
I teach my 8 year old that lying is unacceptable because right wrong or indifferent I will always have her back - but I need to know the whole truth including what she did so I know how to handle it.
Unless she’s drinking or doing drugs I think u will find u have a normal teenage girl going through he awesome teenage years.
I don’t think therapy would be necessary- that might add to her insecurities- being insecure is why we act out.
Put her in a team sport - allows her to have friends outside of the school grounds
If it makes you feel any better, my friend put a tattoo on me. It took one session of the laser to remove it.
Not too scare you or anything but I know someone who did a homemade tattoo like this and got hep c !!! Talk to her about the safety of her health if she wants a tattoo it should be done by a professional or at least with actual tattoo equipment
I wouldn’t punish her, although they might not be the smartest decisions, she altered her body she will have to live with that forever. But I would try and have a honest and open door policy on why she gave herself both. Educate her on the risk. Also the fact that her nose is still growing and could be off centered very soon. There is no right or wrong, you do what you feel best. Compared to other things she could be doing this isnt terrible but teaching might help more
My homemade scratch junk tattoo faded within 3 years. Sounds like she might need some positive attention.
I think in her mind the world hate her and she feels alone and it looks like she wanted to get revenge maybe on herself maybe the rest. Honestly at the moment she needs to feel loved and she needs to have people on her side . The piercing and tatoo i don.t see them as bad stuff as they are just a way of expressing themselves and I have loads of friends which for them tattoos are a form of therapy. Therapy is a good way to start helping her. It.s bad that she lied but u need to ask why did she lie maybe she is scared or ashamed
If she didn’t have permission, she needs discipline. Kids can’t think they’re in charge or have authority especially ones heading into the teenage years. Putting herself at risk is an additional punishment. I wouldn’t tolerate it. When she is old enough or has permission, go for it. But, even though a parent may like tattoos and/or piercings, it doesn’t mean open the gate and let a child make decisions.
You overreacted. First off, put her door back on. She doesn’t seem to trust you enough to tell you shit. She wanted to express herself, and theres nothing wrong with that. Try sitting down and talking to her. You can try taking her to counseling, not for what she did, but for the bullying shes receiving at school. What she did will eventually be a funny story to tell. But because of the way you reacted, will just push her farther away and not have her trust you anymore than she already does.
Ya you doin too much. She’s gonna do things. My best advice is not to overeact. Bc she is going to rebel even more then. Trust me I know all about it. I have 15 n 11 yr old daughter’s lol n my 15 yr old got her nose pierced at 14 I didn’t like it but I let her. N she just gave herself a small heart tat on her ankle with a stick n poke a friend bought her from Amazon!! I told her it was cute n that was it lol they do less when u let them do more.
She’s trying to change who she is .
Children don’t know how to communicate and solve problems .she really needs to speak to someone and talk about what is bothering her .
Good luck x🙏 its hard😑
I personally would take my child to a tattoo parlor and ask a real tattooist to explain to her the dangers of self tattoos risk of infection and regrets over crappy tattoos in the future. ( pay them for their time of course and im sure it wouldn’t be as expensive as an actual tattoo) then if you know she’s going through a lot at school I would get her into counseling for that . Good luck
Get her some counseling and maybe you some also to help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. She needs to know that also. Sounds like to me she maybe crying out for help but doesn’t know how. It is tough being 13 I remember it all to well. I had to be an adult at 13 no choice in it. I dont know who you are but if you are reading this my inbox is always open to anyone who needs to talk.
Send her to a different school? Provide counselling for her? Give her lots of love and understanding. Shes at an age where she has lots of hormones and brain changes happening so shes feeling all sorts of crazy. As hard as it is, try not to get too angry, shes had a lot of changes going on. Piercings are nothing in the scheme of things. She could be underage drinking or doing drugs (which a lot of kids do at that age).
I feel you i remember when I came home and had my chest tattooed my mum cried and cried im 31 now and have alot more and it doesn’t faze her the thing is the tattoo may be a little cry for attention a child that age associates tattoos as being “cool” as well as the piercing but I dont think its right to punish her for expressing herself if a different way but try and talk to her and find out what prompted her to be dishonest and then do things like that to herself. She will learn in time be thankful it wasn’t some mammoth tattoo that everyone will see. Its pretty common now a days to see girls with piercings yes she is young and having a very hard time but maybe she didn’t tell you because she knew you would fly off the rails… also if she did it with ink and a safety pin or whatever you will find it will probably fade alot i doubt she went deep enough like regular tattoos do…
So everyone including yourself turn there back on her. I think your being too hard on her. She’s a kid, and what kid don’t do stupid stuff or lie to there parents. Lighten up! Your only going to push her away more. I think you should reread what you wrote and think how she feels… Smfh shame on you…
You definitely over reacted. But, it is her body. She should have at least told you, and not have lied though. At least she’s not doing drugs.
She definitely needs counseling or a therapist. I never pierced anything or tattooed myself BUT, I was extremely rebellious and hurt myself. Please get her help now rather than later.
Counseling might help, I think you need to deal with school first, other kids not looking her reduces self esteem… Second I think you and her need to work on earning each other’s trust, she obispo doesn’t trust you and neither do you her… She needs to be able to feel like she can come to you for advice without judgment or punishment but with understanding. Hormones as a teen ager make the brain question actions so it might just be a phase due to puberty. At the end of the day she needs a good role model and lots of comprehension. I don’t know your story but I imagine you are trying to prevent her from making the same mistakes, so try and remember what you want thru and how you felt at the time, what is it you need to prevent feeling like that, and apply towards her.
I was dying my hair and piercing myself at that age… some people look at it different… 1. It’s just hair, can always grow it out and restart, I let my 10 year old dye her hair… and 2. Its just a piercing, if they decided they don’t like it, take it out, it will close up (maybe leave a small scar). With the tattoos… those are more permanent… but she will regret them later… I also started getting tats at 16, by people who didn’t know what they were really doing… now I’m paying for it by having to dish out money to a professional to get them fixed and/or covered… so, life lesson!
This is normal teenage stuff. When I was 13 I tried to pierce my belly button with a safety pin as well as tongue lol! She’s not a bad child, she’s not rebellious. She is finding out her identity. I would personally ease up on her and try having a conversation with her. Spend one on one time with her.
Kids don’t care when you take thinks away, she is rebelling… grounding her won’t change what happened in fact she will likely do it again and just hide it better…
Were the pic? Definitely door removed few simple pair of cloths blankey and pillow. She can earn more things or things back as she is responsible.
It’s not really a phase when the tattoo is permanent. You have every right to try to stop her from marking up her body. Something she may actually regret later in life.
You mentioned your husbands ink. Is your husband a tattoo artist? If I read right maybe she wants to be one. Could you open her eyes to a career in it. Maybe she could design one. Could you take her and get the nose Pierced professionally and they can educate her on how to care for it! I am sorry she is dealing with bullies. She may need to talk to someone. I would put door back on but have more family time in living room. Try to limit her time on her phone and in her room. Our daughter will play Minecraft but she is at the kitchen table with us here. She is probably going thru a phase which lots of did when younger. Just try to connect with her and just try to listen. It is interesting the teens really want structure. You got this!
Definitely counseling or some sort of place she can speak privately to someone. You can’t be toooo upset since this is all normal teenage behavior. But you also don’t want it to get outta hand. Everything she’s gone through in the past year is going to keep dwelling on her and at that age, we don’t know self care. She has to be taught it
Get to know her likes and interests 13 is a real hard one on girls ! Maybe suggest working towards a rral tattoo on her 16 th bday, nose piercing at 13 is super commen ! This age u wanna make a strong line of friendship and mothering just so if she does get into trouble y know shell come to you
I would have been mortified 13 is not grown up she ours a child. Tough love is needed.
She would have a dr. Apt. To make sure no infection. Then tell her she will live with this forever. And jobs will not like the nose ring and hopefully the tattoo is where she can hide it
As someone who did things like this as a child and who’s mom was upset I understand where you’re coming from but as a child experiencing it it’s much different. Either she’s doing those things because tattoos and piercings are just who she is or she’s acting out and trying to find a way to cope with what’s going on her life. I believe you definitely over reacted taking the door, phone, and air pods and if anything this will make her worse. I would suggest sitting down with her talking to her calmly one on one asking to understand what she’s going through and also set up some individual and family counseling sessions. I would give her phone and door back as she is a teenager and does have a right privacy and her phone is likely how she copes or vents with things.
Honestly stick and pokes like that aren’t even gonna last, I used to do lil ones all the time in high school and they faded after a week or two. I would be more concerned about the risk of infections first and foremost, but then I would sit down and talk. Or even leave a notebook for her to write everything down if talking is uncomfortable. Sometimes we just act out to gain attention or because we have other things going on that’s bothering us. It sounds like she’s probably stressed and upset with her school environment more than anything and I would try to work with her teachers or whoever you can to address the bullying.
I think we as parents have to step back too and take a breath and assess what all is really going on. It’s easy to be angry and upset with her, but overreacting or not taking other things into consideration can push her to feel like no one is listening, or make her feel like she can’t have a support system at home.
Do either parent have tattoos and piercings? Dad’s ink? 13 is young for getting a tattoo. But she is expressing herself. As for taking her door. I totally don’t agree with that. She’s 13 years old. A teenager does need privacy. Make her leave the door open. And how bad is the tattoo? Maybe she wants to be a tattoo artist and do piercings. And you make her feel like you are always gonna be against her. Try communication. My son has been wanting tattoos all his life. We had a discussion when he was 12 said I’m getting a tattoo of a bar code on my wrist. I told him he absolutely can…if he still wants it by then I will take him for his 16th birthday to get it. Btw I have tattoos and piercings. I got my ears done at 8. Then when I was 16 until 19 added onto my piercings. I still have 15. I took 4 out while pregnant and they healed with tiny scars and I was not going to try repiercing my sore spots.
Don’t overreact. But she needs to know that she is not old enough to make those choices for her own body yet, thats why she can’t go have them done legally.