I’ve been with my fiance for 6 years. We both have 3 children from previous relationships. My oldest son is 14, and he hasn’t seen his bio dad since he was 6. We all have been living together for 2 years. My problem is my 14 yr old and my fiance do not get a long. At all. They argue, and barely talk at all. I want my son to have a positive male in his life, and I wish my fiance and my son had a closer relationship. But it seems like my fiance is kinda just “tolerating” my oldest. At this point I’m ready to leave because I feel like my fiance should be there more for my son, like how he is here for me when I need him. He talks to all the other kids, just not my oldest. I just don’t know if I’m overreacting or not…any advice will help, I can take the good and bad. Thank you for letting me vent and I really appreciate this group so much
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My 14 year old and my fiance don't get along
Always choose your kids over men 
Your kids should always come first. If something isn’t working between the two of them, you need to make sure your kids are comfortable
Sounds Iike your fiance is struggling to be the adult in this situation. I would leave, if he can’t handle your son in a mature manner I don’t see a bright future.
Your kids come first, no questions asked 
the fact that you think he’s just tolerating your oldest is sad, be there for your son.
talk to your husband, either hes there for your son or you leave him.
Try some family counseling…this is above your pay grade…
Have you talk to your fiance about the way you feel if you are scared to bring it up he isn’t the guy for you
I respect the fact that you’re willing to put your son first and leave,but have you tried talking to them individually,tell your fiancée how you feel,ask him what’s wrong tell him he’s the grown up and teenage boys do sometimes act up… sit your boy down and ask him his side and if possible have a meeting with them both…try getting them to talk to one another
I think you just need to sit back and really evaluate the relationship they have. My older brother and step father hated each other until my mother died of cancer. Now we or they all have a great relationship. Things take a turn real quick just keep working with it
Could it be because of his age? At 14 i was a f*cking nightmare to be around. But like some mentioned above talk to them separately and see what’s going on. Good luck mama
Your child comes first
Nope that wouldn’t be happening! That would be over before it even began! My kid always comes before a man!
Get rid of your fiancé. Your child deserves to have you first and if this guy can’t get along with your baby he doesn’t deserve you.
Most definitely it is an unfortunate situation that you are in but I am now a grandma trust and believe this situation will not get any better I unfortunately went through that when I was raising my own kids and I ended up having to leave it just doesn’t work like that do the very best you can for now but you have to be having a plan A and A plan b and make it happen Captain your son is more important than anybody believe you may take it from experience good luck girlfriend
Then how or why is he your fiancé? Your son should come first!
Don’t push it, either one of you.
I couldn’t date someone my kids don’t approve of. There’s far too many fish in the sea to be selfish about who I bring into the family. My kids opinions matter very much to me. I grew up hating all my mom’s boyfriends. She thought it was just because I didn’t have a dad. No I grew up to learn I was right and they were all losers. My mom was awful at choosing men, and it’s a miracle I was able to pick my husband. So I will always consider my kids opinions. I don’t want them growing up feeling unimportant like I did.
Considering he gets on with your other kids I’d suggest therapy of some kind for both of them
This may be an unpopular opinion but as a child of divorce, I grew up in a similar situation. My dad and step mom were the adults and us children didn’t get to have a say in their relationship. They were a united front as they should be. A teenager having a bad attitude is to be expected, especially one hurting and coping with their biological parents’ not being together. I wasn’t interested in a relationship with my step mom at the age and always had a bad attitude. I was angry and hurting about not having my biological mom in my life. I’m sure my stepmom was doing her best to navigate around a difficult situation. I too am now a stepmom and can sympathize with her side of things as well. This situation isn’t easy on anyone and that’s ok. They don’t have to have a good relationship right now. It may just be a season they’re going through. I know my stepmom was there for me and my father and now we are super close. Everything happens when the time is right. Trust your instinct and do what you feel is right though. That was just my personal experience.
Family therapy… if that doesn’t work you need to chose your son over your fiance…
Remind your man he is the adult in the situation and he is meant to sacrifice his personal thoughts n feelings to make ends meet. I have 4 kids from previous marriage and now married again. I never expect or force my kids to love n accept him but from get go I told him to genuinely love and accept them because once they feel he does…they will reciprocate. My boys are 19, 16 , 13 and we have a 3 year old. They respect one another. Hubby may moan n groan about my boys not meeting his expectation but that’s where I come in as their protector to remind him “hey kick back coz teenagers will be teenagers” and he backs off. I always let him know that I understand how he feels but at the same time constantly remind him they are still kids. I do all disciplining but I give him the safe space where he can voice out to them things he feels that needs improvements. Out of all I feel am lucky they all get along but I will always have my kids backs because they are the vulnerable ones. Good luck mama I know it is hard.
Your kids come first 100%. Try to talk to your fiance and see what’s up. Let him know how u feel. Ask ur son how hes feeling and what he would like to see change. Maybe have a family meeting. Counseling can be good also
Always 
choose your:clap: kids:clap:
A fiance…of only 2 years, not accepting your child. Get him gone. Your son will thank you, kids come first, definitely not men. Certainly don’t marry him
Idk… if my kids don’t like you… there is probably a reason and I would never have someone in my home that my kids didn’t like… period
Everyone is telling this woman to leave her fiance but what happens if another man comes along and her 14 year old son doesnt like him and wont get along with him and then repeat again… You need to sit down with both of them and ask them what is up with them not getting along…
Either talk to them about getting along or don’t marry the guy at all!
Make them…
if they both love u and want u to be happy then they will put effort into their relationship for the family.
Your son comes first.
Your children should always come first. I dont think its fair to have either of them feel uncomfortable in their own home. Get rid of the fiancé. Hes an adult, he should act like one.
I’ve been in similar situation. My daughter was 7 at time. Her and hubby didn’t get on for first 3 years due to step kids. In end I booked holiday minus his kids as she felt pushed out when his two came every wk. She never had father figure either prior to this. On holiday they got on like house on fire and are very close now. His kids didn’t take to me due to their mother mother. Now I have good relationship with step daughter aswell. It took a lot of time to build up all relationships. Dosnt help if lots of baggage comes before. Try weekend away just you hubby and eldest. If doesn’t work or hubby not prepared to try, you know what you need to do
My stepdaughter was a complete bitch at that age.its normal.
Yes your son comes first BUT before making a run for it at least try to figure out the root of the problem. It may be able to be fixed without making a choice.
What was their relationship like before you moved in together? At his age it’s hard because he knows you guys are intimate and that doesn’t set to well with teens. Also set them both down and explain that as adult your son is to respect that and the BF is not to discipline him. That is your responsibility. Tell your son he is to do what he’s told and if there is a problem he can discuss it with you.
My mom picked her now husband over me. I no longer talk to her anymore. I actually like my step dad more than y mom now but he has addiction problems and when his cocaine addiction was at its worse causing angry outburst I told her it was him or me and she choose him. There are a lot of things I don’t talk to my mom for but as a mom now I’ll never I dare stand choosing a man over my child.
At 14 the kid is going through that holier than thou phase. And the fiance maybe is threatened by this. You know like a male dominance sort of thing. Y’all need to sit down and hash it out. Tell them both to get over their madness towards each other. Put your foot down firm mama.
What’s the reason they don’t get along? Did something happen? Your kids defo come first so if your fiance isn’t willing to make an effort then tell him he has to go
It takes awhile my son and my bf still go at it. But talking to them separately then making my 8 year old express how feelings to him has helped a ton. Hope this helps.
Your son comes first but it also seems like a common teenage boy am step daddy relationship for that age, I would talk to them both separate about how you feel an an then the three of you have a conversation an try to figure out how to make the relationship better…I wouldn’t just leave in silence without trying anything. Your boy is old enough to state his feelings an your fiancé should be a good man an father figure to all the kids.
Definitely your kid first. But with that age you never know. Maybe try to see why your son doesn’t like him. And go from there. Maybe your so don’t want to step on any egg shells with your son so stepping back is his way to show it.
Your fiance should make an effort with your son. Has he ever? That could be why your son isn’t getting along with him x
LEAVE HIM. Period. You should ALWAYS put your child FIRST. I had a fiance who didn’t like me oldest son and he made his life HELL. I was engaged for 3 years and the way he treated my son got worse day by day, eventually he HURT my son and I didn’t even see it coming! LEAVE HIM!
Well your job as a mother is to put your son and his happiness first. So with that being said, I would leave
Your son will grow up and never forget his childhood. He will ALWAYS remember the step parent who hated him and the mom who put the mean step dad FIRST. Please listen to what I’m saying.
If your kids do not like and your significant other and he doesn’t like them it will never work. Your kids will resent you for it. You will find someone that loves your kids like his own and they will love him when it’s the right one.
Sigh… im tired of hearing everyone just jump to “leave him”!! The truth is in 4 years, your son will be an adult. He will grow up and leave the nest. Make a family of his own, leaving you alone. Which he should do. His happiness is important but not everything!! You deserve to feel happiness and love too. You are not just a mom. You are your own person. He was 8 when you met this guy., 12 when he moved in. He was older and feels like he’s the man. Sit him down. Talk to him. Same with your guy. Explain that neither one is leaving and they need to figure this out… you love them both but its time to work past this. Counciling if they can’t get it together.
You should make them go to counciling together if ur fiance truly loves u he will do whatever it takes to have a relationship with ALL OF UR KIDS. He should try even if ur son is pushing him away. If he is not trying then ur son probably figured that out years ago. Coming from a child who’s mom an dad had many relationships the ones who I did not get along with was not because i was just being a bad child it was because I could tell they “tolerated” me and didn’t actually give a shit what happened to me. You don’t want ur son to resent u when he does move out. I think counciling would do them good together and therapy for ur son alone because a child regardless what they say will always feel it’s their fault or think why didn’t they deserve their real father until they go to therapy an work that out.
I’d say definitely leave him and put your son first!!!
Your son probably misses his Dad!!!
Is there a reason they don’t get on. Is it cause your son doesn’t like him and refuses to see him as a father figure. Seems like he gets on with your other kid. My dad did everything to try to spit his mum and step father up which he regretted once he was a adult. Maybe some family counselling might help
This could be a growing up thing. When my daughter was 17, her & my husband didn’t get along. Maybe counseling might help. Puberty sucks! It might be a dominance issue. Someone that is impartial might be your answer
I will always say this ur child should always come 1st…
A father should Never Choose a Step Mother over his child and a Mother should Never choose a Step father over her child,
Otherwise u all will ruin ur Child’s Life …
Listen to ur Child’s feeling’s if the child do not like the Step Mother or Step Father then put ur child 1st…
YOUR CHILD COMES FIRST
Your child’s happiness/wellbeing should be your priority.
Why is your fiancé arguing with a 14 year old child? Who is probably going through puberty etc and his being ignored by your fiancé, that’s so sad ! Poor boy.
I would never have a man under my roof that just tolerates my child like his some sort of burden, argues with him, and ignores him
Kids first EVERY time
I’d sit them both down and have a serious talk. He’s played the role of dad for over half of his life.
Not enough information. Why do they not get along? Does your son just not like your fiance. Is there a reason? What reason? There’s always tge chance he saw/heard something you didn’t and you need to leave fiance. There us also the possibility that your son is ticked because he wants to be the man of tge house and us being stubbornly territorial, in which h case your son needs help dealing with these feelings. It could also be as simple as he’s lost one father and refuses to let your fiance have a place in his life to protect himself from losing another. He would still need and deserve help with his feelings and if this is tge case you just up and kicking fiance to tge curb could do more damage to your son not to mention the rest of your family. There are many other possibilities in between. As far as all the advice about putting your son first… apparently they haven’t though about the other 5 children in the picture and the damage that could be done to them if you give your son his way, if there is actually no real reason for your son to not to like your fiance.
See why your son feels this way about him? Maybe have ur fiancé plan a fishing trip so they can try bonding. Your sons probably angry because he doesn’t want a replacement daddy.
Definitely yall all need to have a talk, whether it’s alone together or with a counselor. Something is happening in 1 or both of them that needs addressed before it’s to late.
your children come first and if he can’t stand ur child he will never be a good father to his own esp if he constantly fights with ur son so no that’s a red flag ur kids safety first n their happiness its not just about yoi
I’m sorry, this is so hard for you.
Can you talk to both parties separately, kindly and calmly to find out what’s not going right.
Your so. Is 14 he will probably kick off with his own dad if he was there. His hormonal and fighting for his right to be respected. Your partner is wanting to be head of house and fighting for the same things as your son. The adult should lead the peace your son probably won’t listen, that’s normal. They are both equally as loved and important to you. Tell them this. Even if it so they can tolerate each other. Remember you chose to have both of them, they didn’t choose each other. Your son needs space your partner needs respect. Get that sorted and life will be easier for all of you x
Why don’t they get along I called my mil she told me sometimes it takes stepping back as a mom and being protective to see the whole picture
I’ve also been with mine 6 years my son is now 13
Why have y’all not married yet though? 6 year engagement is a long time
Kids will go through the phases of not liking step parents, it’s the step parents job to bring him round, talk to him, do things together alone and as a family include him in things if he’s “tolerating” him then you need to speak with him and then speak with your son and basically tell them both things can’t carry on like this so either they both start to make an effort or there will have to be big changes
You need to find out what the problem is between them. Maybe therapy
Yes Blended Families Can be harder.
I didn’t get along with my step dad and I stopped talking to my mom for awhile because of how she acted while being with him towards me. We have an alright relationship now and she hates him even though they are still together… they have younger kids together and she stayed for them. No advice, just thought I’d share my experience. It’s a bit of a no-win situation sometimes.
I wonder why after being with your fiancé for 6 years you have not made a permanent commitment. Maybe your son sees this and is afraid if he gets to close he may leave like his dad did. I would talk to your son and get to the bottom of it what is bothering him about fiancé and maybe all of you need some counseling.
You are not over reacting .Children come first
Your kids absolutely come first.Talk to your son and ask him what the issue is and LISTEN to what he says.Your son may have a reason to why he does not like this man.And if need be depending on what your son says…leave.Your kids always always always come 1st.
He can’t be there for him if he don’t want him too. As he get older he might change bit have conversation with your son
If your partner is just tolerating your son there’s an issue. I’d put things on hold chat to them both and find out what the issue is, if it can’t be resolved of be leaving him. Your son doesn’t need to feel like his mother is choosing someone else over him when the men in his life make him feel like he isn’t wanted or loved. Remember your son was there first and will be there forever. Tough times ahead no matter what you do. Good luck
Leave him, ur kids come first
Your child comes before any man!
Definitely not overreacting your fiancé needs to step up or if not,I’d leave
Talk to your son! My son couldn’t stand my now ex. I brushed it off as him just not wanting me to be with anyone, over protective etc. Turns out he was abusing him. I wanted the relationship, not be alone so bad I couldn’t see it until it happened right in front of me. Talk to your son & believe him. I would never be with someone any of my kids disliked now. Their point is more important than my need to be with someone.
Leave.
He’s @tolerating” your child when he should be loving your child like his own.
Your kids should come before your partner
Why on Earth would you not only continue a relationship with, but move in and become engaged to a man who you feel only tolerates your child?? I honestly think you are underreacting.
If he can’t treat them all the same then he doesn’t need to be with you
14 year old children are hormonal and sometimes difficult. If they argue alot then maybe having less conversations leeds to less conflict. I’d talk to both of them. I don’t feel like there is enough information here for people to tell you what to do with your relationship. Your both adults discuss it and tell him how you feel, see if it changes and then make your decision.
I would try family therapy or just talking to them both I’m a daddy’s girl always have been but when I was about 14/15 I hated my dad well I hated everyone I was a very mad kid for a few years my dad is my step dad and he has been in my life sines before I was one but at that age it’s just hard I didn’t talk to either of my parents much and I talk to my dad the least… I would make sure there is nothing going on but it could just be your son going through that hard time of puberty.
I had to leave a wonderful 2nd marriage for that very same reason. My child had to come first!!! He was already traumatized from losing his father to a woman 15 years his junior. He was 3 when his father left us and 6 when I remarried. He is 57 now and a wonderful, successful, productive man I am so proud of. My daughter seemed to adjust to the divorce better and is equally successful. I doubt had I stayed that the outcome would have been so good. Step children I truly love are still in my life. It’s my belief that the children must come first 
Talk to them both and see what both of their problems are with each other and sit down all together and discuss it as a family… Communication is always key to every relationship and I mean every relationship…
Fiance needs to go, children come first.
It sounds like your fiancé is sick of dealing with your son’s attitude and disrespect so he avoids the situation as to not get into arguments. Let one of my kids talk back to an adult or have an attitude to an authority figure…we will have a what I like to call “Coming to Jesus” in my house.
Your child should always come first .
Had an ex that favored 1 of my kids. I divorced him. He did this with his own kids also. Not a good thing 2 do 2 a child.
Talk to your child, believe him, and reassure him that his opinions matter. Kids often pick up on things that adults don’t. Your child is so much more important than a man.
He’s a teenager! When my mom dated my stepdad I hated it then they got married and we never had a relationship. I was a teenager. You can’t force something that’s not there. Why does your son not like him? Why does your bf treat him different? You need to figure out what the barrier is in order to work through it. But your son may never like him
My stepdad moved in when I was 12 and I HATED him. I felt he had taken my mum away from me. I ignored him, bad mouthed him, fought with him all through my teens. But you know what? I now see he was the best thing that ever happened to us. I made his life hell and it would have been so easy for him to walk away, but he stuck around and now we have such a close relationship. He has done more for me and my family than anyone else, and I adore that man. Talk to your son and your partner. See if you can pinpoint what the problem is. I hope it all works out for you. Looking back I would have felt so guilty if my mum had chosen to leave because of me. Good luck x
idk how women get into these situations you dont get a long w my kids then you out the door we wouldn’t even get to the point where we are saying i love u ….If u cant tolerate my kids and step up as a step dad/positive role model then i am not wasting anymore time 
Your fiance is the adult one. Talk with him and ask to behave like one. Kids are difficult at that age but we “the adults” should be there to guide them, not to act the same way.
I went through this with my kids. And 1 ur son feels like the man of the house the protector…and 2 kids see and feel things we may not because we are in love.
I broke up with my guy cuz if u cant love ALL my kids the same then we cant be together…No favorites…And It was the best thing I did for me and my family
I actually asked every one of my kids(separately) if they liked my now new husband(we were just dating). To me it’s extremely important. If just one doesn’t like him, it’s probably because he’s always been the one to feel like he’s supposed to protect you. I would talk to your son alone about the situation and ask him if he has any ideas how to help. Then I would do the same with the fiancé. Once you get answers, talk individually with them again and see what the other is willing to do. If your fiancé says the only thing he wants is for your son to listen to him, I would definitely do some thinking.
Well has there always been turmoil between them or is it maybe because of “teenage years”. Either way your kid comes first and if he doesn’t your kid will resent you later on in life for that. You got to sit them both down and figure out what the problem is.
Your kid always comes first but plz ask why he doesn’t get along with him. My mom moved on after my father died and my brother treated the new guy like crap. Disrespectful and outright rude. My mum has 6 kids and he treated all of us great but didn’t want to have anything to do with my brother and he was right. Eventually he and my mum broke up for the same reason you’re describing, he and your son didn’t get along and that sucked because he wasn’t the issue my brother was. My brother was in his teens as well. Me being a grown woman with kids know what my brother was doing wasn’t right. That man treated my mother like a queen and the rest of us like his kids
It’s alpha male syndrome. Every guy I’ve ever known had this build up even with biological dads. Usually the teenaged boy will buck up against the older male to assert dominance. Often, it gets physical. And ends when the father figure shows them who alpha is. My husband and his dad have a fantastic relationship, they even went through it!
Your kids ALWAYS come first.
I’ll show be the example if you stay. I was 14 when my dad married my step mom, we never had a good relationship it was clear I was not wanted in their relationship or cared about. I moved out at 16 started my own family and still dont have a good relationship with my dad or my step mom. I was never made to feel wanted or important her family doesnt except me as family. It ruined my dad and I’s relationship to this day. They’re still married. I wish my dad put his kids first but he didnt. So please leave. Put your son first. Because I will never be the same Daddys girl ever again.
This is one of those situations a true answer can’t really be given because we aren’t there to see how either of them treat each other. It’s not fair to automatically blame the fiancé. Here’s why: one of my closest friends is married and her husband and 14 year old don’t get alone AT ALL. The 14 year old is straight up disrespectful and instigates 99% of the arguments or outbursts. It’s uncomfortable for everyone and stirs up a lot of trouble. The 14 year old curses him out and treats him like garbage because he has issues from his biological dad not being a figure in his life and he has a lot of resentment and blame and takes it out on his stepdad. Maybe they need family counseling and the son needs individual counseling in the situation being presented by this user - regardless of what the reasoning for the issues is.
Obviously this is one situation. I won’t dismiss that it could very well be the fiancé favoring the others and not being a role model in to the 14 year old.
My mom been with my stepdad since I was in the 3rd grade I never liked him still don’t I just tolerate him and I’m now 28