My 14-Year-Old Daughter Started Smoking: Should I Kick Her Out?

My aunt wouldve beat me​:joy::sleepy::sleepy::sleepy: but seriously change her classes or switch schools. Talk to the school staff and tell them she is no longer allowed around those kids and tell the school you need to reach out to their parents!!!
Take everything away nothing but the clothes in her room and id go as far as take her door away and shell have to change in the bathroom. Tell her she has one week to change her ways or everything is GONE

Well when I caught my granddaughter she was 14 yrs old with cigarettes, I”m sorry to say I made her chain smoke 1/2 pack an ate the other half. She is 23 now an thanks me every day for making her never wanna smoke again…

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I had my dad stop… I got a video of me soaking cigs In the toilet then drying them out and putting them back… I let em see the video one day and that was that… Of course I didn’t use the same cigs

She smokes big deal you were just looking for an easy out instead of parenting. Kick her out over smoking and being A TEENAGER!!! how stupid isdcc that.

Okay well I can tell you my story and I’m hoping this actually gets through her head this morning around 8:00 8:30 where I live I’m from Tioga county PA okay my husband and I was taking his friend home because they both work at the same job and when we was going through this small town called Westfield PA and we live in Knoxville PA not even 5 minutes for each other okay let’s just say we’re just mining our own business literally driving and then my husband spoke up and says why does it look like there is a guy dead I’m like what he’s like yeah there’s a guy back there look like he’s dead he’s just laying on the ground and I wasn’t even paying attention so I was looking at my phone for something so I yelled at him told him to hurry up and turn around so when we did we got to the guy come to find out this guy we knew pretty well and let’s just say he overdosed he was so blue in the face so cold I didn’t have my medical equipment so I couldn’t work on him and there was a guy there supposedly already called 911 I said well you need to do more than just call them because they’re going to take a while to come out and we need someone here because if not he’s going to die on us so my husband and I started calling anybody that we can think of to get down here to help we called the two local cops in town we called the fire department 911 again and my sister because her son watches my nephew was in a different fire department if no one did not show up like the police officer if he didn’t show up the time he did if we waited for about another five or ten minutes this person would have died like he was bad the way he was laying and everything he wasn’t laying flat he was all like curled up in the ball basically arm all bet and everything and this morning was very chilly it was cold and he must been there for a couple hours if not the whole night if you say that when we got there we asked the guys what was going on who is the guy like who did you call what is going on and they all just told me oh we don’t know who this guy is we think it’s this person we don’t know what’s going on well I’ve been down to see who it was and see if he was alive and when I bent down I knew who he was and I said you need someone now because if not he’s going to die he was literally blue and purple bad he was breathing heavily snoring kind of wise he wasn’t breathing if you know what I’m talking about. It was scary I was worried sick I still cannot get this image out of my head I literally can’t. And this person that I’m talking about is literally is hanging out with the wrong crowd is doing drugs he literally overdose maybe three four times already he’s been a rehab he’s been in jail and the problem is he wants the health but to me it looks like he just wants to be that cool kid if you know what I’m saying and this person I’m talking about is literally in his twenties he’s like 26 years old he’s not that very old and sorry to say this but having those kind of friends like she wants is not good it’s really isn’t trust me my husband he was like that too you started I think he said 12 if not 14 years old or smoking and then he start doing drugs and hang out with the wrong crowd people that are like that will eventually want the help because my husband got to help he wanted he actually joined the military and that’s what saved him it’s just depends on if she actually wants the help and you just got to keep telling her you know if you’re going to go the wrong path something’s going to happen to you I’ve had a niece that was in the drugs and still in the drugs and we almost lost her a few times and we just keep pounding her head you know you’re hanging with the wrong crowd you’re going to lose your kids you’re going to either end up like your mother passed away it’s just hard situation to go through but never give up never give up because when you give up then she’s going to know oh look my parents don’t care then I can do what I want and get a get away with it. What she really needs is the support and the love.

When you have birth and kept your child , you committed to raising her to the age of 18. She is a child not an animal to be given away. You put your child on the street for smoking you are making a worse mistake than she is. You do not need to support her habit but you need to support her. Neglect is never the right answer.

My god no it’s please! She’s still a child!! U being so harsh on her is only going to push her to worst things!! I have a son who is 13 , I know exactly who is friends are , he’s not allowed to go anywhere alone . We ll be taking him and he’s best friend for a meal . We are friends , he can share anything with me and from day 1 I have warned him against the dangers of mixing with wrong crowd and smoking etc! Become her Freind not an enemy . She’s going through a lot of hormonal changes , plz listen to her: make her feel loved and secure. She’s still a child , manipulate her with kindness so she can give up on the wrong stuff .

I’d probably tell mine to pack her bags in the heat of the moment too. She is 14, ground her and stand firm, do not give in. Take away phone, laptop, computer, or anything that she really loves. Again STAND firm. If you say 30days grounded, make sure it’s the full 30 days not 29.

It’s illegal for her to be smoking to begin with. Who buys them for her? She’s 14 and if you kick her out there’s plenty out there that will target her for rape or sex trafficking. There has to be a better way.

No, but if you would have busted her fucking ass growing up then she wouldn’t act like this, she’s only 14.

Isn’t there an in between? Like take her phone away or grounded or something?
Seems kinda harsh but idk bc I know I wouldn’t put up w disrespect either
That’s a hard spot
FYI teen girls r evil! Buckle in for another couple yrs of the devil!

Maybe it’s time for a more professional assessment. Suggest you call Behavior Health Network or Child Guidance Clinic to get a more objective plan. BHN 733-6661 or CGC 732-7419. A 14 year on the streets is bigger problems.

Do her friends do drugs, or do they smoke weed? Also, is she smoking cigarettes, or weed, or crack, or?

Like cigs? I sneaked my mom’s all the time and never became addicted everyone is different of course jus don’t give her money. I wouldn’t kick her out just cuz of smoking cigarettes

Have her locked up!! Juvenile hall will teach her

Drug test, no more hanging with friends, no more phone, no more internet, no giving her any money, she doesn’t anywhere without you. Problem solved. She tries sneaking out, get a door alarm and if need be, screw the windows shut. Show you aren’t playing games. Also get her into chemical dependency therapy.

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Take everything out of her room except 7 outfits, her bed, blanket, pillow and a pair of shoes. Make it to where no friends and no phone!! Contact her friends parents and local pd foe drug testing

DM me if you want to know whats its like to live out of home at that age. I was kicked out too. If i can help at all let me know :slight_smile:

Start Smoking yourself … That’s what I did she stopped … But make sure you stop then !

Stop allowances, send her to therapy or an institution and limit her contact with those thugs

Restrict her money, fags arent free

Remind her who the adult is and whoop her ass then ground her!!! You definitely don’t need to kick her out you need to discipline her not turn your back on her. She’s a kid not a stray animal

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Whip that ass what the fuck are you doing.

Oh if no one else will say it I will!
That child needs a whooping and some coming to Jesus style parenting!
As a parent you do what you have to do to protect and teach your children right from wrong.
Put her out ? uh no but you take her stuff away take that bedroom door off the hinges bolt her window shut get some ring cameras and jerk her ass up and tell her you are the parent and she’s the child and she will abide by your rules period!

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Mend your relationship first

Lock her in don’t lock her out :broken_heart:

8 months broke my heart :heart: :broken_heart: :cry: :disappointed:

I will pray for you and her

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Send her to boot camp

Shame on you atleast she was honest

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Yeah…Kick her Ass😠

Oh and sift through her friends. I guarantee the answer will be there. Good friends. Good kid. Bad friends…

Make her eat the pack that will show her or beat her ass.

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OP getting dragged so hard RuPaul about to call them

Shes gonna resent you

Call C P S they can tell you what to do

Rudi Toner said it best.

Omg tell her hell no

Kicking her out is the stupidest thing you can do bc that pack she is running with? Guess what, you’re gonna return with a pregnant 14 year old. This is 2020 not the 60’s. You want her to act like she has some sense? Figure out what appeals to her from these new friends and remember ALL teens rebel and the more you’re an asshole to her the more she is gonna do it. Attempt to reason with her and for god sake get her on birth control and make sure she is taking it correctly. If tough luck as in grounding her, or taking away her privileges doesn’t work you can always go the “scared straight” tactic. Contact your local PD and ask them to intervene and give her a taste of what can happen when she hangs out with kids like that. Sex trafficking is pretty high rn and you’re gonna feel like a huge cunt if something like that were to happen. You carried her for 9 months and raised her (I assume,) to this point. Time to soldier up and do your job mama. Parenting isn’t for the week and it’s your job to guide and raise her through hell and high water.

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Go and tell her how much you love her. Text her if you have to. Please dont let her go​:blue_heart::blue_heart: tell her you don’t approve. You don’t want to see cigs or you toss em. You don’t want to smell it. Be There!! Be Everywhere with her. Her new, loving Best friend :heart: Don’t let her go​:blue_heart: tell her you don’t want her to go… remind her you love ber​:blue_heart:

I would get Dr involved

U need to beat her ass

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She needs ur compassion

Move her to a private school

Whoop that ass. Tough love.

I’ll say it again… WTF KIND OF MOM ARE
YOU?!!

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Two words - Military School

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Call the police to scare her.

My mum told me when I started smoking at 13, that if I wanted to smoke I had to pay for it and to never ask her for a cigarette… obviously I couldn’t afford it and neither could my friends so stopped but throwing her out won’t help plus there are ALOT worse things she could be doing so maybe pick ur battles with this one

Not wrong!!! You have to be firm in your beliefs, and stand firm with them!!! Smoking can’t happen and if she won’t listen, let her see how far she can get on her own!!!

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No phone, no devices, you pick her up and drop her off to school daily, she does her homework downstairs at the kitchen table and you keep the laptop after. Rules, consequences, boundaries.

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Take a way her privileges,i means grounded,and explain to her how it would affect her health in the long term,I had same problem with my son when he’s 14 years old because his step brother gives him cigarettes, and I was on my knees a lost asking the above to help me so I doesn’t loose my temper to kill him and his step brother

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I highly recommend counseling, for both you and she. I can well understand your frustrations, having a counselor who is a ‘neutral party’ can help you both to locate the root of this behavior, identify what else may be going on in her life and mind that she is not comfortable voicing, and to help you both locate healthier ways of communicating with one another. Mental health is very important, and the things she is saying or doing may be a form of her acting out something she cannot quite process mentally.

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Many of these comments are bashing the parenting skills of the parent ,and you are entitled to your opinion as I am to mine…I’m a strong believer in tough love,so when they are in their 30’s im not paying for lawyers fees to defend them in prison…Children have now become Parents, and Parents have become kids…if the foundation is laid properly in the beginning it prevents trauma when they are adults.

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Hopefully things will work out but pushing her out the door I don’t think is the answer. I think if she’s having a hard time understanding you or anyone else then let her smoke her cigarettes but if it’s pot an other drugs your the mom you have to step up an step in an take control an not allow her to be around the very ones that are influencing her an get her into rehab

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So push her out on to the street or takin her to treatment cause shes a minor and her brain isnt fully developed to understand the full consequences of what shes doing and how it’s going to effect her life

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There may be many things wrong. Parents sometimes cannot deal with their problems. Years ago a neighbor of mine had a girl about 15 and smoked and drink. She took off from Manitoba (her hometown) to Edmonton Alberta. 4 days later she called to come home and wanted her parents to pay for her trip back. Both parents said “NO” and they told her if you got there find your own way back. She did return about a week later and she did had problems for a few years after and today she is about 50 and has grown up kids and all working at full time jobs. She is a nurse today You cannot babysit them forever.

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Idk. I am kind of with you. Most likely she will figure out how good she had it and be back in a few days. I am not sure I could take the stress of worrying about her and not knowing where she is. I have 3 daughters. One just turned 14 yesterday. The others are 11 and 21 months. I honestly have no idea what I would do in your place and I don’t envy you being there. You have to do what you think is right. Especially if you have other children you need to protect. Sounds like she needs new friends to get out of the situation. Probably a good therapist. I know very well how difficult it is to raise girls now days. I wish you luck.

Let her smoke? Just not during school hours? You telling her to not do something will only push her into doing it , not saying be passive but try to understand her and this generation , tell her not in the house or whatever don’t kick her out wth be there for your kid educate her because when her friends ain’t there she will realize and grow up , educate your child instead of punishing them … tell her to be a leader not a follower , but you kicking them out will not help. be there for your child , they cry in different ways as they get older.

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My sister was caught smoking so My Dad made her a deal. She could continue to smoke, but in order to do so, he told her what she had to do to ensure. He went to store, and bought 3 very stinky cigars and aback of non filtered cigarettes. He xamly sat her down and told her she could do whatever she wanted to. He said that first she had to sit in front of him and smoke the entire 3 cugars and full pack of cigarettes. Buy the time she got through 2 full cigars he had her open the cigarettes and he took 5 out and told her to stop cigars and do 5 cigarettes. Buy the time she started the 2nd cigarette she was throwing up and looked green. Solced her problem from smoking.

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To kick your 14 year old out for smoking is a bit over the top. She needs you. You are her mother. Yes she has chosen the wrong path right now but if your not there to guide her (weather she accepts it or not) she will continue on this path and in a way resent you for not being there for her. I’m not saying give her everything she wants ect I’m just saying be there for her not pack her stuff and ship her off so you don’t have to deal with it.

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Pushing her away n basically telling her to move out isn’t the way to handle this. I started smoking (cigarette) at 14 and nothing my mom told me changed my mind or made me stop (she was also a smoker).

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Shes 14, thats a great life lesson there to show her… do as i say or get out… so your going to allow her to follow her drug friends into a life of who knows… because an undeveloped brain knows what to do…
Why dont you parent and educate her, take her to a nursing home show her the later in life effects… show her how much income she can waste in 5 years just buying the fukers, just drive around town show her the other lifestyle…
Listen to why she is smoking… an issue shes not brought up.
Theres no boom to parenting but its our responsibility that our kids become decent citizens… and throwing them out because of smoking is not being a decent citizen.

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So your teen told u the TRUTH and your thought is to put her in the street where there are really bad drugs and people.

How about be her parent … remember you were a teen and I can almost guarantee that you were not an angel!!!

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Hate to break it to you but you can’t legally kick her out. You can be brought up on child neglect charges and rightfully so.
Be a parent.

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Pack her bags and go where? Shes 14, she’s a minor and you cannot throw her out. She’s still in need of your guidance for at least the next 4 yrs…

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She is still a CHILD. YOUR CHILD! Throwing her out is only going to put more distance between you. Ground her, make it stick! Don’t allow her to associate with other kids who you know are using. Get her into counseling. Go with her to counseling. Find the root of the problem and work through it together.

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Speaking from experience don’t push her out the door it could lead to a different level of problems & she may rebel/resent you… it could lead to bigger issues with her mental health/abandonment issues. We have all been a teenager that has made numerous mistakes/not listened/done what we wanted so guide her and be there for her. Kicking her out will not make it better it will only make things worse. Communication is key!

I started to smoking when I was 14 and started doing drugs when i was 18. I didnt stop doing drugs till i was 29. Your daughter is only going to quit when she is ready. It took me 5 felony drug charges to realize I was done. Its going to he very hard for you but you have to stay strong so when she is ready and wants help.

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Wow a rebelling, disrespectful teen. Shocking. Get some perspective. Let’s guess you spend more time harping on her than connecting? More time lecturing and not enough time listening. Be the parent she needs Karen or some day she may walk away from you completely.

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I hate to be rude but here it is in a nutshell. Who’s the parent? You are so take authority and take away anything and everything fun until she behaves as she should. It works believe me! Also sit down at the table and have a heart to heart talk and explain everything to her. She may say she hates you, but that means that you as a parent are doing your job and a good one at that.

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Nothing is more important than u to stay strong and not push her away or give up on her! You are the only path she needs she needs positive motivation and direction! Open communication or she will be lost she is growing as a pre adult and can easily be lead in the wrong direction your job is to redirect her she has no choice but to receive your help she is a child and can not make that choice for herself! Friends and internet connection is the last thing she needs!

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1 shes 14, not listening is kind of the norm, shes going to rebel, all kids do and its important in finding themselves. 2 pushing her away, especially out of the house to fend for herself will only push her towards worse things. Find the root cause so such drastic measures; bullying, peer pressure, insecurities, abuse, and yes even look at your parenting. Not saying your a bad parent, however the way you word things and the tone of voice you use can come off to her in a different light then intended. And sometimes its not any of these things, sometimes its just exploring the world. If thats the case make light to her the physical effect of smoking on her body, photos of smokers lungs and people who have had throat cancer. But kicking your daughter out is not the answer. Open a line of NON-JUDGMENTAL communication. Talk with her, not to her and not at her. Listen without interpretation and reply calmly and without judgement or anything of that nature.

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Take away what she loves to teach her about privileges. She loses her privileges when she’s disrespectful and misbehaving and she has to follow your rules until she’s old enough to move out, which she isn’t at 14 she only thinks she knows it all. It’s your job to teach her the things and sometimes tough love is exactly what they need. Take away her phone or iPad or whatever. Dont let her chill with anyone. You’re her transportation even get her a babysitter if need be. Let her know she has, however long you decide, to prove she knows how to handle herself like the adult she wants to be treated like. Its not at all gunna be easy and she’s gunna get pissed off but you gotta not budge and stick to your guns and let her know you mean business.

There could be other problems. Does she get bullied. Is she pressured by people. Are there things going on that you don’t know about. Have you tried sitting her down and asking if she is okay and why she is doing it and telling her you are there for her and letting her confide in you. If it’s bullying and peer pressure etc you could change her school. Most people go yep let’s just punish and not fix the actual problem. This is why a lot of kids end up depressed, harming themselfs, running away to live else where etc. I don’t suggest just giving up and telling them to go elsewhere as your the parent. Your suppose to be there rock. I hope it gets better for you. Good luck.

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Crack down on her. Hard. Take her door off if need be. No phone,tv, friends over, after school activities… Anything ‘fun’, gone. Find the way that gets through to her. When I started acting up as a teenager, my parents took away all the clothes I had picked out and they chose what I wore to school. Believe you me, my grades came up with a quickness. Parenting is one of, if not the most, difficult things to do. But do not back down to a 14 year old.

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How could you think for a second kicking a 14 year old out is okay? I see why she is smoking :unamused:

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Believe me, I know how hard parenting is, especially with teenagers (they know it all). Kicking your 14 year old daughter out will not make matters any better. She needs you, she needs your support, whether she knows it or not. Don’t turn your back on her. Hold her close and do what you can to help her. You should be proud of her for telling you this. Most kids keep it from the parents.

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Take away everything she has , her door , bed , tv , cell phone . Have her do chores around the house to get everything back . If she continues to be disrespectful and smoking then just sell everything.

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Don’t push her out of your life. First thing give her ground rules like no smoking in front of you,no smoking in the house. Then drop the bomb,if you can afford smokes then you can afford your own clothes,and if you want allowance you have chores to do first. Then advise her she might want to look for a job so she can afford to buy the things she wants. Just the thoughts of a Grandpa.

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When my 16 year old has acted up we took his door off the hinges and taken away his phone and other privileges. Made him do extra chores

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She still needs you, infact now more than ever. Its just that you don’t realise and neither does she. You need to try and keep her close, kicking her out will push her away even more. The fact is, she’s told you she’s smoking, she’s being honest, she trusts you. You need to trust her too.show her she can trust you, let her know you’re proud of her for telling you that she smokes in the first place…be her friend and her parent too.
My mum and I have the best relationship. She knew everything I did as a teen, as in drinking alcohol with friends, partying, where I was, I never felt I had to lie. She only wanted to know incase of an emergency, not once did she check on me when I was out. Im now 30 with my own two kids, still have the best relationship with my mum. And I talk to her like she’s my best friend, like I did before, all those years ago.

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There is more going on in this situation. I agree with everyone in the sense that you need to look at your actions and the way you treat her. Respect and honesty goes both ways. Step up and be a parent, use resources around you like counseling and her friends parents. If her other 14 year old friends are smoking their parents are probably struggling as well. IF YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO DO THE WORK TO MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP BETTER THEN NEITHER WILL SHE! I advise individual counseling for both of you and then family counseling. She is acting out for your attention something else is going on in her life that is not good. I can tell you from personal experience that acting out like this could be a sign of abuse. It doesn’t matter what kind because all abuse can destroy people of all ages.

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She’s told you , so this should be telling you something , it could be many things but she could of ran with a lie , I moved out at 15 and the pain it caused me was awful . Teenagers are hard but it’s part of the package explore new ways of connecting

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My god no it’s please! She’s still a child!! U being so harsh on her is only going to push her to worst things!! I have a son who is 13 , I know exactly who is friends are , he’s not allowed to go anywhere alone . We ll be taking him and he’s best friend for a meal . We are friends , he can share anything with me and from day 1 I have warned him against the dangers of mixing with wrong crowd and smoking etc! Become her Freind not an enemy . She’s going through a lot of hormonal changes , plz listen to her: make her feel loved and secure. She’s still a child , manipulate her with kindness so she can give up on the wrong stuff . Pick and drop her from school , don’t let her hang out with her friends, instead make quality time with her ur self

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she’s 14 she does not get advice PERIOODDDD… Plan a trip to skid row and show her where people wind up when making wrong choices…Show her videos on YouTube of people with both cancer & c.o.p.d… I have a 14yr old daughter as well and although she is not into drugs or smoking, our conversations are REAL because life is real

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Be more opened minded then throwing her out best to have it done under ur roof where in case something happens to her u could get her help or so she’s safe from being raped…I would talk to her more about the drug use and get her to a rehab then just throw her to the streets the disrespect comes with the age just remember u were a teenager too maybe not as bad but it comes back to us 10 times over on how we were to our mothers…just try and be more understanding figure out what is making her want to do them if something has happened to her like trauma or heart ache or abuse or it could just be shes a teen but I think ur asking for more trouble by throwing her out in the streets where anything could and would happen best of luck i wish the best for you and her

Umm yes throwing her out is tad over the top. I believe in strict guidelines and rules but I’d never throw my kids out. Instead of being her mom be her friend for a couple mins, seems to me
She is rebelling and the more you punish her the more she’ll want to do the opposite. Sit and talk with her no judgment and let her open up, maybe some thing is wrong and she is scared to be punished ?? I know that was the case for
Me.

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Mom you can’t give up on her cause she smoking
It could be worse so
Hang in there mom guilds
Her to A positive path

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Kicking out kids never work. Insist, tell her you won’t give up on her, that you love her and want the best for her. Perhaps the Community Service Board May help, of your local Police department, do anything but do not give up on her!!!

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If you kick her out she will end up doing drugs! What if you just pretend to be more understanding, accept her smoking (for now) and become her friend so she can trust you, that way you can at least help her by giving her advice in the future

Talk to her and explain what can happen! Show her videos of what could happen if she doesn’t end it! Pray and e strong!

I started smoking cigs at 12. My daughter started at 14. I didn’t give her a hard time I just told her I would never support her bad habits. If she wanted to smoke she better get a job and buy her own. Today she is 38. I smoke. She smokes when she wants to. I can’t quit at 58 yet she stops anytime she wants. I was forbidden to smoke. By the way. Talk to your child. Make her responsible for her actions. At 14 she is trying to be able to make her own desicions. You just need to continue to guide . You have already molded her now just continue to do your best for her Mamma. Kick her out is a big no tho. That will definatly make her go the wrong road. Speaking from experience. Best luck to you and yours.

Get her help u kicl her out into the street your sending her into a path of destruction. She needs help and u can give it to her now. Dont live with not helping her and end up burying yohr child because you decided to turn your back on her.

Don’t kick her out, she obviously needs you. Kicking her out will send her down an ever worse path, you just need to keep encouraging her to stop smoking and tell her the dangers of drugs and all. She needs to know she can still come to you for help. Tell her your not buying them and your not having them in the house, she wants to be a big girl them she can start working and doing adult things.

And where is she going exactly she’s 14 and you are legally responsible for her until she’s 18 , you can’t put her out doesn’t work like that

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No you cant excuse that as tough love, that’s negligence. Take charge by getting help and working on communication and respect.

This post and the posters identity should be forwarded to the proper authorities. It is illegal…1. A 14 yr old to smoke or possess tobacco products. 2. To “kick” anyone from there home…it requires a legal eviction notice. 3. A parent can not legally not take responsibility for their child. It doesn’t work that way. 4. First and foremost you are a despicable parent, straighten your crown, precious. Being a mama isn’t easy, especially to teenagers… too late to change your mind. She’s worth it. You NEVER give up on her…if you don’t fight for her, what message are you sending her?
Get help.

I think you are doing something you will deeply regret. Sit down and talk to her as a mother/daughter. Just because she smokes does not make her a “bad” person. I raised 2 daughters and kept a very open relationship. Be honest, talk and advise. Regardless, if she wants to smoke, she will do it behind your back, I did. To me it was always a top priority for my girls to know they could come to me about anything.