My 14-Year-Old Daughter Started Smoking: Should I Kick Her Out?

Motherhood
2101

Has she been abused or sexually assaulted, is she disrespectful or ptsd triggered , does she feel alone, do you make her feel heard and wanted or is she just a stressful burden?

When you tell your child she has to pack her bags and leave , you’re literally giving up on her!
Saying it is bad enough let some going through with it!

This happened to me but I wasn’t disrespectful my mother/step dad would be triggering my cptsd, I was abused by my father and then when I was 14 I was raped on my way home!

I was told it was all my fault by my narcissist mother and then I was ignored further!
I was always on my own , isolated from family and so visibly unwanted!

I was also being bullied at school and not sleeping at all , so obviously my behaviour was going to get worse as I grew up when everyone I was begging for comfort and love from only wanted me if I was “ well behaved” “ did as I was told”

When is there any empathy or compassion for our children when they’re hurting and feeling alone!
Yet we as mothers teach our children those things yet when it’s time for some parents to actually show their children the same respect, they ignore them or ground them because we assume it’s disrespect but really she’s crying and begging for her mother!

You should go seek some professional mental health counselling, for the both of you and together!

Work on your relationship with your daughter, instead of throwing her out into the world we all know can be so cruel and dangerous !

I wish my mother would have educated herself to be a parent and to have learned about cptsd/ptsd /depression /Anxiety ect
The more you educate yourself the more you will understand your child and what she’s going through!

Sending you all my strength and love!

It’s not easy but when was being a mother ever easy!

Your child is so worth all the hard times , when you show her you’ve always got her back and never would give up on her then she might calm down!

2102

Turning your daughter out on the street will only lead to a downward spiral of stealing to get the things she wants if you’re not there for her. In turn that will lead to drugs to dampen the pain she’s going through.
Then prostitution to help pay for her drug dependency. Turning her out is the worst thing you can do. She’s going through a difficult time, she wants & needs your love & support. Come on be a loving & supportive parent. Don’t just talk to her, really listen & the more she will open up to you.

2103

Do not kick her out. Sit and talk to her. Don’t yell. Talk. And listen to her as well.

When I was 16 I ran away and lived with ppl I thought loved me and said they’d take care of me. I was drinking and doing drugs ALOT more when I moved out. I got pregnant 18 with no family to help or give me advice.
It was a hard 10 years. Im now 29 and alone raising kids.

Be there for her. Let her know you’ll be there. Right now she’s finding herself, trying new things. Don’t turn ur back on ur daughter.

2104

Y’all can put restrictions on your children all day long. But strict parents make sneaky children . I’m sorry - I grew up w strict ass parents … and literally did everything in my power to break the rules . Do NOT throw her out . Maybe get on her level and talk to her instead of attacking her about it . The more comfortable she feels with you the less defiant she will be . PLEASE for the love of god , talk to her . Let her know you’re on her side and always will be . The more comfortable she is with you the better things will be !

2105

All you can do is try and be there for her ask her why and try and understand so you can meet her somewhere. (Not saying to let her smoke) but what I’m saying what if she is stressed out or something and smoking JUST like adults do.? Can you be mad at her for doing what she sees others doing to cope with life.? All YOU can do as a mother is be there and try and understand and see about going different way to cope with whatever she is smoking for, and if it’s to be cool and fit in ask her how many of them kids actually give a fuck about her… Only thing you can do IS HELP HER not offer it.! You’re her mom HELP HER.! Don’t ever offer help just help your babies no matter what.! And how do you think she will fee about coming to you for ANYTHING after that.? I am just saying I couldn’t go to my mom for shit well that’s how I felt and she would get more upset I never went to her but it’s because how she went about things. You gotta try and put your mind state where there’s is so you can understand and as a MOTHER help them no matter what it is

2106

Call your local/county jail and see if you can set up a scare tactic (sometimes a program you have to sign your kid up for if they offer it)/visit. Some jails have it and some don’t. It might scare her enough to make some new friends and start on a different but better life path with better decision making in the future :rofl:

2107

Boot camp. It helped my son. He was 13.

2108

Mama stand up. My goodness. She is a child. Take her phone away, ground her. Do not give her a dime for anything.
Stop giving in to a child.
If you kick her out, who will protect her from the SEX trade.
Be a mother not a friend.

1 Like
2109

You’re a pos for kicking out your 14 year old daughter
Like who the fuck does that?
I don’t even know what to say besides wow
As mom u need to talk to her. No matter how hard things get dont pack her bags and put her out. Especially with everything going on in this world you wanna put her out? Wtf

2110

Yikes. Get therapy for you both.

2111

I am so sorry,I have no advice, pray God bless you all

2112

Dont give up on her keep praying for her and let go and let god he will have his way

2113

Get her help be a parent

2114

Move!! Get her new friends THAT way!!!

2115

Kristina Herrera did you see this??? She’s 14!?!? Read the comments

2116

This generation sucks :weary: Poor children don’t stand a chance

2117

She may need some therapy

2118

Finding her a therapist.

2119

My mother kicked me out at 14 and it led to a life of homelessness drugs alcoholism and prostitution…
But maybe she’s better off if your so easy to wipe your child from your life, she can do better on her own without your constant judgment

2120
2121

My mom and parentals always just got rid of me instead of advice it was horrible I now have 3 teens my advice is just dont give her anything make her get a job pay for her own things since she’s “grown” make her pay for gas rent etc when she complains say isnt being an adult fun

3 Likes
2122

Discipline your child be the mother not a friend…a disrespectful child would get hands laid on them…life is hard.teach her how to first respect you and how to love and respect herself…take away the things that consume her…make sure God is in hers and your life…

2 Likes
2123

Crutial time of the life is here for her… most delicate period of life… Eventually she will understand but right now u will have to take care the most… I started smoking at nearly that age… I am 32 years today… I suggest you to be forgiving and be open to her… secretly keep a very close tab on what her activities and act accordingly… a time will come when will get over it. but right now it’s ur testing period. All the best

2124

Pushing her out the door will make her turn to drugs and worse things tbh. I started smoking at 13, my mum found out when I was 14… both my parents were really strict… my mum however just allowed it and would offer me a smoke with her… honestly its better knowing she’s smoking rather than threating to kick her out that she ends up lying to you and hiding it… probably why my mum accepted me smoking, I already was binge drinking like :woman_shrugging: but smoking was my stress relief

2125

Call the police when you catch her smoking or doing drugs maybe seeing the police she will see things are serious and she will stop? And keep calling so she will eventually have to spend the night or week in juvinial detention which she will not like.

2126

helo she is 14. you are her mother. set boundaries. but don’t kick her out. that will send her even more down the valley. show her you love her. make her feel special. it might be hard. but I think end of the day, she is your little girl she needs you more than you might think.

2127

These questions always boggle my mind. It’s hard to believe there was a happy, healthy relationship with your daughter one day, and out of nowhere she was smoking and not listening to you.

2128

It would appear to me that your don’t have skills needed to parent properly. Seek parenting classes and counseling b4 she ends up addicted to drugs or pregnant. Lots of kids try cigs but “not listening to your advice”…no no no…no advice about it. She needs to be told WHAT TO DO no choice

2129

that’s a tough age. they think they know it all. but follow through on your consequences so they know your not playing around

2130

I’d have said the same thing. Your house, your rules.

1 Like
2131

Don’t kick your child out over smoking wtf?!? Hopefully it’s a phase. Just tell her how “cool” she looks smoking and how good she smells. That boys love kissing ashtrays. You know , be supportive lol. Reverse psychology. Might take some time but is effective. Mention that you thought she was a leader not a follower, she’ll see herself one day in the mirror and realize she made a bad choice. But in no way
belittle her, shame her or disown your child. As a parent we support always, even if it , at times, has to be with subtle manipulation.

2132

My mom bought me the cheapest rolling tobacco an papers. Wanna smoke…roll em. Or 305 cigars at 1.99 a pack. Nobody can afford 5-9$ a pack

2133

Remember you’re 14 and go from there!

2134

Don’t push your daughter away… it shows her that her friends are really her family… we all have our own paths in life to live and this is hers not yours. From the day she entered this Universe from your womb she wasn’t yours anymore trust the universe to protect her. You are allowed to walk with her to a certain point in life but during that time never let her go when is her choice to go then that’s when you release her but as for now be her friend talk to her maybe you should sit down and smoke with her one day. Start off with lighting a cigarette and going to her sit down and hand it to her see if she’ll take it from you it might be a funny situation to both of you but at least it will ease the tension so that you could break that barrier or boundary in order for her to feel comfortable enough to talk to you and then go from there. Be at Peace my Lovely. “NO JUDGEMENT NO CAUSE… we as parents sometimes forget that our children are humans too with feelings any emotions just like us. We forget to be their friends sometimes we forget to respect them and give them respect having a relationship with our kids is just like having a relationship with our spouse and our friends our coworkers the same amount of respect we give to them is the same amount of respect we should gift our kids. I myself being a mother sometimes forget to do that.And sometimes out of anger and frustration and just plain fear. I have to pull myself back and realize that I’m talking to another human and not just because she’s my kid I could disrespect her because I’m fearful of the unknown.

2135

Maybe she needs to watch videos/ documentaries/ books on people who do those things and where that leads.

We do weekly family meetings. Everyone get a voice. Set expectations and she can too.

Unfortunately I’m against taking away everything and refusing her of things does NOT help. (Been there, done that, doesn’t work)

I’d put her in therapy sessions and say she can see her friends but at your house so it can be monitored.

You just have to fight through the disrespect and not let it bother you. She’s acting out. You might need to start meditating if you don’t already.

Ask her what her goals are, what does she want for her future? If she continues down this path, does she believe she can still achieve those things? It sounds like she might need more of your attention.

I am far from perfect and have been dealing with major disrespect from one of my teens. Being angry and trying to defuse her with your own aggression is never going to work.

I know you say she won’t accept help but she’s in rebellion. Just be patient, persistent, and keep your calm. Let her know you love her and care about her “I feel…” — maybe even a handwritten letter? I do that with my teens and they love it. I actually started a journal notebook with each of them, we write notes back and forth to each other. They have written some HATEFUL things but I respond in kindness and understanding.

Root cause. What has caused her to be at this point with these friends and this path? Why? Keep digging until you uncover the root cause. She needs a confidence booster and she needs to start listening to Abraham Hicks :sweat_smile: — self-love, confidence, support, understanding, and law of attraction. To get what she wants she needs to let go of the negativity and believe she is enough and can have more and she will have positive change. It will take time.

If you need a support person, my inbox is available! Just my opinion!! Hope something works for you!!! Don’t give up. You got this.

2136

You take away all devices, remove the door to her bedroom, pick up and drop her off from school, and she no longer gets luxuries a good child gets meaning now she can’t watch tv , no candies or unhealthy snacks- from then on only vegetables and fruits. Increase household chores, require her to read out loud to you for minimum 1 hour, and most importantly teach her to do hard labor at home like fixing a sink, if you keep her busy enough doing productive things she won’t have time to think about smoking or wanting to be her friends. Also another good strategy (you don’t have to go through with it- just say it to make her realize everything you do for her) is to tell her to ask her friends to buy her everything you buy for her - makeup,clothing, shoes, hair care, snacks, a phone. If she wants her friends to be in charge of her life then they have to pay that price that comes with influencing her decisions!

2137

Du må ikke bare smide dit barn på gaden som 14 år i kan få hjælp til at håndter problemet i stedet for for siger du hun skal gå ja hvor er hun så om et par uger i skal hente hjælp i stedet for

2138

Apparently you didn’t discipline your daughter when she was younger, or she would listen to you now! That’s the biggest problem with kids today, are the parents and not beating their ass when they need it!!! Yes you can spank your children and it not be child abuse! Try it once, millions of us were raised that why, and we all survived!!!

2139

My father told me to pack my bags so I called his bluff. I got half way down the street and he told me get my ass back to the house. The more you oppose it, the more she will want to do it.

2140

Where does she get the money to buy ciggerents?

2141

Telling your child to pack her/his bags over smoking, is so damn ridiculous! When your child has no where to go, gets kidnapped and sold off as a sex slave. Yeah smoking does not seem so bad after all. Be a better parent with boundaries, a more understanding parent. Be the parent that breaks generation curses past down by grandparents. Pushing your child away is not the answer. Its the problem!!!

2142

People don’t accept help until they’re ready, no matter their age. As a parent it is YOUR JOB to be there for her when she’s ready and to take care of her until then. I’ve seen so many teens kicked out of their house for stupid ass reasons like this and it makes me physically sick. SHE’S 14! TEENS ACT OUT AND ACT STUPID! IT’S WHAT THEY DO! Even the best, most empathetic teenagers still have their moments. A teens brain is still not fully developed.

Did you kick her out when she was a toddler or small child testing her boundaries? No? Why? But it was disrespectful to throw a toy at you instead of cleaning them up. She knew better at that age than to do something like that but you still had times where she did (just an example). You act like 14 is basically an adult. But she’s far from it. Have the same energy you did when she was little. She still has a lot of growing to do and instead of putting the work in to raise your child you wanna get lazy.

2143

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2144

I completely understand your frustration. I’ve raised 4 children and have seen/done it all.
There were days I could cry because all a mother wants to do it protect& love their child.
I definitely wouldn’t kick her out…
I would take all the things she thinks she’s entitled to away.
Children have no clue that things parents allow them to do is a privilege. No phone,No tv, No hanging out, no nothing unless it’s choirs or spending time with the family.