Don’t let it get to you, keep being nice to her. She’s a teenager and their moods are weird. But you should be the adult and tell her to use her manners, sit her down and have talks “lectures” with her about kindness and how if she isn’t going to be appreciative she will be doing more for herself around the house. Have her do chores etc, have her help you and force the interactions. You can be kind and still be the authority figure. Ignore her sideway glances and her silent treatment. If you ask her a question, and she doesn’t answer, sit her down and tell her how rude that is and it’s not okay. There is a way to address these issues like an adult without needing to go to her dad and put him in the middle.
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S/o, so your not married, then she ain’t your step daughter, and she owes you nothing. She’s in limbo if your not married.
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I wouldn’t “ignore her back” like these comments are saying. That won’t help anything. It will more than likely keep things where they are and no progress will be shown. I’d try to talk to her, ask her what you can do because you genuinely want a good relationship with her. Try to spend some one on one bonding time with her and allow her to pick what you guys do for a day (or however long). I hope you can eventually become close with her! She is a teenager. So, she might just need some time. Try not to get discouraged. 
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I love my husband’s son despite my feelings about the mom. We may not always agree but he respects me and loves me. Have some girl time with her and ask her if there’s something she’d like to talk about in confidence. Allow her to speak and listen to understand not reply. All it takes is a little effort.
Put your self in her shoes.She is hurting. Divorce AlWAYS hurt the children I don’t care how old they are. You have to be patient. Good luck. God Bless.
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Id stop doing things for her , maybe she will realise what u actually do for her. She sounds like she’s got a chip on her shoulder and takes it out on u which isn’t fair. Ure partner should be standing up for u and helping u.
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Nothing you do is going to change anything lovely as this isn’t about you personally. Wait her out. Honestly kids respect boundaries if you let her run all over you it will only get worse as she gets older. Lots of things at play here that you can’t do anything about. Hopefully she gets over the teenage angst before it causes to much damage. Good luck.
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“ended up with us” sounds like you don’t really want her around. I’m blessed that my bonus babe is with dad and I.
Don’t “need” her attention. But give her yours, such as hellos and goodbyes, goodnight etc. act with her the way you wish she would with you. Maybe your part of the problem if it’s been 9 years. You must be rubbing her wrong or something, but don’t have expectation of her that put conditions on your marriage. Maybe she’s heard you talking shit to her dad?
Respect is earned, and that road travels both ways. You’re not required to like each other. He is her parent. Until she shows that she wants to become part of your family unit, there’s not a whole lot that you can do about it. Your SO needs to show respect, as well, for your relationship with him, and the family unit as a whole. Good luck.
The amount of people saying this is ok and her age makes me side eye them 
all the parents are obligated to give you is a roof, food, clothes and education.want more? Learn respect.
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Also have your man stand up to his kid.14 doesnt mak the rules.and sure as shit doesnt disrespect anyone who does anything for her.mom, step mom, dad whoever. If i showed any of my family that disrespect at that age. Oooo buddy. Parents are soft nowadays.
Nacho her.!!! there are step parents groups that will help you
If you’re angry about a “no hello” I feel sorry for your man. Mind your business. If her presence bothers you so much well then… 
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Tell in front of her father that is not go in ng to go on like this
If you say something to her she is to be respectful to you and answer. As you are to her. If not then she will go to her room and stay there.
Send her back for good to her moms
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Everything you do around the house like the washing dont wash her clothes, the cooking don’t dish her plate up, when you buy your kids something buy her nothing like she doesn’t exist, and if she says something to you do what she does absolutely nothing 
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Hang in there my step daughter was kinda the same way tried absolutely everything it to get me to leave. She is now 23 and probably 3 years ago or so she thanked me for never giving up on her. We now have a great relationship some days are going to be extremely tough but you guys will get threw it
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Look at the bigger picture what is she going through at the moment she’s been taken away from her mum she sees u be a mum to ur kids maybe she has a little resentment u have to look at what’s causing this behaviour she sounds like she struggling with the change xx
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She’s 14 she’s just being a bratty teen 
she might benefit from solo therapy as apposed to family therapy though
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It happens shes 14 she is going ti act out she is dealing with a new life just let 8t be don’t force her to take part in ur life she will come in on her own if u getnwhat im saying lol , I wouldn’t leave my so bc of there 14y old lol,
It will work eventually, and dad isn’t going to put his food down bc he don’t see it being a need to force action all thay will do is make things worse, just show her ur there for her even if she don’t care ,
Shes prob still upset she lost the family she did have maybe she just needs time to adapt to her new family, u said last year she came to live well thay was a big step, she prob just feels as her other mother is being replaced, she will warm up and understand soon ,
She’s 14. My own biological teenagers are cray cray…I could only imagine a stepchild who wasn’t raised with you…just keep being a positive parental figure, and get a little thicker skin.
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These kids have it really rough. We don’t see it as adults. They live in 2 seperate homes, different rules, different parenting & lifestyles. Then SOs are added to the mix. Some feel like they’d be betraying the real parent if they like the “wannabe parent”. I’m your situation her living situation has changed, completely flipped, from living with mom & visiting dad to the opposite. She probably feels you’re the reason she got taken from her mom. At her shes probably not going to come around in your favor. In 4yrs she’ll be back living with her Mom.
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You should take the high road, you are the adult. Throw in the towel? What if she was your blood daughter? All 14 year olds are disrespectful sometimes. Be the mom, don’t back down, but you’ll also have to realize that she has other issues going on… Just my opinion. I have 13 year old daughter and sometimes she is an ass but I love her. They just need extra love sometimes
Point blank treat her how she treats you
She’s a teen. Teens are like that. My own 14 yr old is like that. Stop taking it personal and just ask her to go out on shopping trips or invite her to help with dinner or something. Get involved with her and she will come around.
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I dont think there is anything you can do. She probably doesn’t want to talk to you.
Sounds like a teenager to me. LOL
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Be patient. She’s probably confused and hurt and so many other things. She is a child, no matter what she’s a child. Be patient, don’t give up. I know it feels like it’s forever away but she will come around.
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Laughter always breaks silence.
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Don’t be negative towards her, have you ever heard you catch more flies with honey then vinegar? I understand that its hard but just show her the love she deserves as a child and stop taking everything to heart. Have you thought maybe she’s going through a hard time, maybe having to switch schools, ie having less friends then add in the stress of COVID for someone this age where everything is new. How about just keep being nice to her and if she disrespects you tell her point blank you will not accept that kind of behavior. but don’t drag it out either, she might have been mad lastnight and said something she didn’t mean, etc, don’t punish her the next day for yesterday’s actions, simply address it when its going on. Then the next day greet her with a smile on your face and ask her how she slept, etc. If she continues the fight from the night before, tell her you love her and walk away! You need to build trust with her and let her know you will always be there. You are the adult don’t act like a child!
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Find things y’all have in common it sounds like you don’t have a bond at all or even things just she likes and do things with her one on one try to make time for just her to build the bond it sounds like she still hasn’t accepted you while you’re doing those things with her make sure you converse with her it’ll work out
Ahhhhh seee, theres always the women that reproduces the gift of life and the one who tries to snatch it up. Guess which one the step daughter would see you as.
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20 years married and my situation with his grown daughters is horrible. They have even gone as far as to tell their children I am not their grandma tho I have been married to their grandpa since before the kids were here. Also stated once at a family birthday “Oh your the one she doesn’t like” I have never missed a birthday or special occasion and have never treated any of them with any disrespect. They call when they need something but otherwise don’t include us in anything. They haven’t wanted me around since I got here. I don’t participate any more. It has gotten to be to much for my feelings. If you love your husband stay. Don’t let her make you leave. When they all grow up and leave home it will just be the two of you. Hopefully your situation will change for the better. I keep hoping mine will. Best of luck
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It’s all about control with her. She will come around eventually. Until then, hold your ground. Try to understand things from her POV. It’s tough to be the bigger person. You are not her parent and she didn’t ask you to be her parent. Stop trying so hard and let your husband deal with it.
If she’s ignoring you when you say hello and not saying thank you or please, then that’s just bad manners so I’d address that, but otherwise… she sounds like a moody teenager. Hang in there, hopefully she’ll snap out of it. Continue to be nice to her and include her, when she realizes that you’re kind and that you’re not going anywhere and that you’ve treated her fairly then she’ll hopefully come around. Good luck 
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As a Foster carer I feel your pain. However you have to put yourself in their shoes. Keep on being there for her. Give her space treat her ignorance with kindness. She wants to dislike you but if you love and care for her and truly treat her like one of your own she will change. Honey works far better than vinigar. Good luck.
You don’t know what her mom might be saying to her. And she might feel that if she is nice to you she is betraying her mother. She’s still a kid and these feelings are very hard for her to manage. I’ve been there trust me. I was a teenager and I caused so many fights between my mom and stepdad because my dad was in my ear about him all the time. My stepdad is basically my dad and I’m so glad he didn’t give up on us because of me. Maybe try doing some one on one activities she likes. Do a girls day every Friday or Saturday. And whatever you do DONT put her dad against her or you’ll push her away even more and she’ll always see you as a villain. Good luck momma
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Let her give you the silent treatment. Love her and be nice. Laughter always breaks silence. Don’t be bitter towards her and she will come around one day.
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Teenagers are horrible in general and a step parent dynamic is very difficult for kids to understand or support. Be patient.
Treat her just like your children. If your children give you attitude do what you would do with them. Dont push her to like you. If she needs time give her time. But meet her basic needs and do exactly what you would do with your child. Include her too if you go to the store ask her to come. If she says no then say ok. Ask her to play a game go for a walk she says no say ok. The transition back from one house to the next that first day is always rocky. My son when he comes home I always say “ok bud youre home now so the rules and expectations are different from dad’s.” And he’s good to go. If i dont do that he’s a mess. As for your SO I’d tell him she needs to follow the same rules as the others sges older so she will be held a bit higher like cleaning dishes after dinner etc. She will have consequeces if she doesn’t follow the rules just like our other kids. I’m going to invite her to do things if she says no then im not pushing. But I really need you to back me up with the rules etc. We need to both talk to her lay out our expectations and consequences and I need you to back me up. I feel dismissed when I talk about her and how i feel, and I understand having her is still fairly new however its been a yr and we need to be more consistent. She doesnt have to talk to me but she needs to respect me. And if that is going to be an issue moving forward then you and I need to decide what we are going to do about us, because i wont live like this because I do not like feeling belittled disrespected and the negativite vibes in my own home. She is allowed to feel whatever way she wants to but she is not allowed to treat anyone meanly. Its the behavior not her feelings that is frustrating
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Natalie Richardson 
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I don’t think people understand how hard a divorce, then a new marriage actually is for children. Granted, some kids just fall right into place and adore their step parents but some of them will always, always hold a grudge. Especially if other kids are involved, they ask their self why so & so gets to have Mom and Dad living in the same home but they have to do split holidays and weekends. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies. Also, I don’t know why you said “her” in quotations🥴 kinda makes me feel uneasy. But Dad probably gets defensive cause he feels a little guilty.
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First of all shes 14 rough age and to have to be shuffled back and forth between families is not easy. As hard as this is I would suggest you be as compassionate and understanding as possible. She needs someone she can count on, lean on, cry on, rag on, and trust. She needs time and lots of patience and i would not suggest you force your SO to choose between you and her as you will lose everytime if hes a good Dad. He needs you in his court too. I sympathize with you, you’re in a rough situation but if you can stay calm cool and collected things will eventually turn around but everytime she cause you to scream cry or yell at your SO she is winning. Dont fuel the fire.
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Maybe catch her off guard and do something special.for her and let her know regardless of whats going you are there for her. Not taking her side but with all the changes going on in her life she probably feels she is disrespecting her mom if she is nice to you. Let her know your not there to take her moms place. Sometimes as parents we have to do whats best. If you walk away its just another parent in her eyes who doesnt care. It may take time but dont thrown in the towel just yet. Prayers for you!!!
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After 10 years and still just a SO…there’s your sign, looks like a lack of respect on several levels. You deserve more
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She’s a kid, just let it go, don’t push her, that’s her dads job. Don’t stop doing thing for her that you do for your other kids, that will make her feel like you favor them. She will probably come around eventually just give her time. Yes this is probably because she is a teenager but she’s also still a child. I met my stepson when he was 11 and i treat him just like i do my own kid.
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Stop doing for her… if she’s going to act like you aren’t there, let her take care of herself. No reason for you to be a door mat for her. She’ll get mad and start demanding you to do what you were doing, so you tell her when she treats you like a human being, things can change. But I wouldn’t tolerate her behavior and do nice things for her. You’re just asking for the behavior to continue
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I went through the exact same thing with my stepdaughter but she was even hateful and violent when my husband wasn’t around. I insisted that we get family counseling and I didn’t put up with her disrespect. When she was hateful and disrespectful to me, I just told her I wouldn’t stand for it. I told her that as long as she was like that, she could take care of washing her own clothes, and making her own dinner since she always complained and tried to insist that I make completely different meals for her. Whatever you do, I would not leave. That is what my stepdaughter was trying to make me do, she even came out and told me that to my face. That made me even more determined to be strong and not let her get her way. Once she went to college, she backed off. She is in her late twenties now and has her own place, and life is much better in our house!
I would just leave him alone. When she visits her mom, her mother is probably telling her not to speak to her. Dad is always gonna be on his baby girl’s side. That’s just extra that you don’t need. Ans especially since you’re not married to the dad, she probably just see you as the girlfriend of her dad.
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She’s a teenager. Teenagers are like that. She will come around. Just keep doing for her like you always do and don’t expect anything in return. My son was like that from 13 to 15. He just turned 17 and he’s totally my best child right now. The difference is amazing. He’s a great teenager and I have absolutely no problems. Maybe she’s dealing with something but doesn’t want or know how to talk to you about it. Let her come to you. Good luck.
Leave. He won’t support you, hasn’t married you…no wonder she doesnt think she should either. She is following his lead…
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Whoa hold up a minute, she ENDED up at her Dad’s, everytime you bring HER up to Dad he gets defensive, Well my question is how often are you bringing HER up to Dad that he’s getting defensive? I mean HOW dare a 14 yr old CHILD have any feelings about not being with BOTH HER PARENTS and Dads GF CONSTANTLY chewing Dad’s ear off Demanding he Parent HIS child to see his GF as her mother. Have you taken into consideration how this CHILD must FEEL living in a house watching Dad play house with you and your children and she gets Either OR of her Parents? And you’ve even been the BIGGER person, ummm excuse me, YOU are the ADULT that CHOSE to enter into a relationship with a single FATHER. The CHILD didn’t get a CHOICE. So she’s basically refusing to TALK to you, well news flash she DOSENT owe you anything! Do YOUR kids THANK YOU for cooking dinner or washing thier clothes? Then WHY are you expecting it from your SO 14yr CHILD? Yeah I could see why she dosen’t Talk to you and Why Dad is Defensive.
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when my mom got with her bf i had nothing to do with him for years. never really talked to him he just gave me time to come around. when i did it was when my mom went to jail for like a month and thats when we bonded and actually talked. and yeah i believe her mother is saying some rude things about you when she goes over there. idk about anything else ive only been in the daughters shoes so yeah.
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Marrying her dad will not make it any better . It’s her mom teaching her hate for you . And dad doesn’t want to be the bad guy and so it’s a hard situation to be in . It’s totally up to her mom who is putting hate into the child …
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Stop doing the special things for her that you do for your kids. If she wants to act like a brat she doesn’t deserve it. Let her daddy do it.
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It’s time for some family counceling! This really is beyond what you can do. This has to come from her Dad. Always take the high road! Continue to treat her as you would your own because one day she will be grown and remember that you treated her well even when she was a shit!
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Kill her with kindness.act as though you are unphased by her actions.if you remain kind to her she will see for herself that you arw not a monster to be hated
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If you have had her in your house for a year, things should have been good already. I got my step daughter 3 years ago…I had a heart to hear with her that first week. One on one. I don’t ask dad to get involved. I thought she needed to get to know me. I dug in, fast. Talked about everything possible and related to her the best I could.
One thing I asked for was the opportunity to correct anything I say or do, that rubs her raw. I asked her to tell me before she tells dad and let me fix it. If I don’t fix it, then go to dad. And she has.
But her home life was bad enjoy she actually wanted to come. If your daughter didn’t want to come, you may never get close to her.
If dad is not going to seriously support you in this matter it might be time to think about leaving. But I definitely wouldn’t still do for her like you have been. That’s just encouraging the behaviors.
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She is at a rough age. It isn’t easy for them either especially after just coming back from being with her mom. Give her time. I didn’t have step kids but mine got into moods to. It is hard for both of you.
My advice is treat her like you would your own and stop asking for acknowledgment or anything in return. The more you push the less you will get. I have been through this same thing. Try to remember that this is just a moment in time and she will not be a teenager forever. In the end, kids grow up and move away and then it’s just you and your husband and all this nonsense won’t even matter. The daughter will grow up and mature later and gain some insight into the situation…life has a way of doing that. My step son is now 26 and married has his own family and we get along great. Just do you and do the right things. It’ll all come out in the wash.
Stop talking to her let her do her own laundry fix her own meals if she needs a ride ignore her like you didn’t hear
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You know the old saying. " Kill people with kindness. Try not to focus on the negative. The more you show her what she does hurts you the more she’ll continue to do it. Do fun things with her… Wishing you the best if luck.
First of all she’s NOT your step daughter if she’s your SO daughter. If your not married she’s nothing to you but your SO daughter she owes you nothing.
If don’t have enough respect to be married she has no obligation to a live in girlfriend.
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Yup, he’s made it clear as to his priorities and it’s not you. Time to go!
That’s a difficult age and I’m sure her mom doesn’t help. She will always listen and believe everything mom says. Patience and strength is what you need. Stand your ground with her but be open to her. She may feel in the middle. She may feel the life you and her dad have built doesn’t put her first, but again she’s 14. Maybe some one on one time with her so she feels what she likes and her needs will be met. She may be sad that her life with you and her dad is better than with her mom and it angers her. She doesn’t want to feel that way against her own mom. It could be any of those things or none. She has to see you’re interested in her, how she feels. But any disrespect needs to be stopped when it happens. She has to know it won’t be tolerated. A mediator may help as well. Good luck.
Call her out on it… no meanly, but let you her know… Straight tell her I’m not married to your dad and I know this is probably a weird situation & you think I’m just his girlfriend and I’m not your mom and I’m glad I’m not your mom because your mom is your mom & o don’t ever wanna replace her, all I wanna do is be your friend if you don’t wanna be my friend and that’s fine but I will continue to try and if you don’t like my kindness and you don’t like me well get used to a girlfriend because I’m not going anywhere you can either love me or hate me and I can promise you if you love me you’ll be a lot better for the both of us❤️
She’s 14 get on her level be like a gf to her. She’ll come around eventually & if she doesn’t … ruuuuunnnnn anyway… after 10 years… he does need to claim you though, man put a ring on it something.
If you have tried don’t worry about it now, act like she don’t exist either and treat her the same as she treats you 
it’s that simple. Don’t allow her to run you out that door because you will allow her to win, that’s probably what she wants. 
and as for your boyfriend you can’t blame him because she’s a teenager and he cannot make her talk to someone regardless of who the person is, so don’t let this whole ordeal with her get in between your relationship.
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If he’s not willing to step up to the plate and talk to her about her disrespect then it’ll always continue! Been there done that and my stepson also did everything he could to cause problems. Tell him either you all sit and talk together or it’s over!!!@
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I would say it’s the mom putting stuff in her head the same thing happened to me when my stepdaughter would come back from her mom she would tell me she doesn’t have to listen to me because I’m not her mom
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Suggestion part of it is her age, part of it is you have no idea how or what the mother says to her regarding your house when she visits. I was in same situation as you, maybe try 1. She has to quit thinking the step mom(you), was trying to take moms place, 2. Her bio mom would grill and drill into her on every occasion that I was the evil one, that she couldn’t be friendly with me, or that would betray their relationship… the one trying to take over, ect… so her dad and his daughter went and had a talk on their own, and he reassured her that she has a mom, so I was not trying to replace her, but that I was there for her daily needs, and just trying to be involved in her life. And that she could at least be respectful enough to be polite even if she had nothing to say. So, maybe you could suggest that to the dad, and he can see you’re not trying to start issues, you’re just trying to get to know her and be there like your other kids. And HE NEEDS TO MAKE SURE THAT THE BIO MOM DOES NOT CONTINOUSLY BERATE YOU, OR YOUR HOUSEHOLD. Hope my experience helps, and by the way, lol even though I am no longer with him, his daughter and I are still friends. Good luck!
Also remember that every kid pushes to see how far their limit is, and that is normal growing up teenager, as long as she is not abusive, or violent, I would treat her the same as other kids, but remember the old saying. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. But also she has to be there, and everyone has to make adjustments, kids are resilient, she will come around, if she started to before. But trust is earned, respect also. Don’t be expecting more from her than you from your own kids. Plus she might be jealous if the relationship you have with your SO, she might feel like she’s in the way. Just keep chatting up to her, but dont demand attention from her,. You cant force people to like you, you live their by choice, but sounds like this forced on her, and she’s probably pretty ticked off about it. Plus your house hold dynamtic is not what she had with mom. New ball game. It’s all adjustment, and being I’m sure a very normal, emotional, stubborn, angry, 14 year old girl.
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She is a child. It sounds like her mother may have a hand in this. Don’t expect her to act like an adult. If you have kids there, I’m sure she feels like she is out of place there. Yes it sounds like she is being disrespectful. But seeing as how her mother lost custody of her in assuming there was some issue to cause custody to change. And on top of that issue changing households can be very hard on a child. I made it a point to spend a day with each of my kids by them selves doing what ever they wanted to do.
Maybe ask her to spend a day with you and plan a spa trip get your nails done take her to breakfast or lunch ask.your hubby her favorite things to do perhaps she will open up to you and it will be the beginning of friendship
Yeah sadly I feel this 100% !!! 10000% percent. Do whats best for you. Nobody knows how you truly feel and it seems hes not willing to listen DD comes first to him. Irregardless of any other children involved. Im right here too. My step son is 8 and EXTREMELY disrespectful towards me and mean to my kids (yes his siblings) his mom drills his head full of shit and he’s to young to understand. Hubby doesn’t stand up for me or other kids like I think he needs too because he feels guilty he’s only a part time dad to his son. Very crappy situation. Nobody understands until they see how it affects everyone involved personally. Do whats best for you. You’re not being a bad mom or step mom. Some kids are coached into horrendous behavior in hopes to ruin a relationship. 9 times out of 10 it works. Don’t let it go like everyone tells you. Treat her with respect always, qnd like she is your own but do also let her know it is never ok to disrespect you or anyone else the way she does. Try to make dad do it obviously since you’re shit to her honestly. And its sad. But when kids are coached. Its horrible. Like other people have said. He hasn’t married you and he doesnt support you so she is following his lead.
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Since her father refuses to put his foot down - pack your things and LEAVE.
Good luck I’ve been dealing with the same thing for 25 years.
One thing, don’t try, she will come around. Don’t ignore her, Just make sure she feels love and taken care of without forcing her. Don’t expect nothing in return for being nice she’s a teen after all.
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Stop doing for her. Make her dad do it all for her.
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She is a teenager in a situation she is stuck in the middle of. Just keep as you are, she’ll come around.
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Also For dad this cases are hard for them too, it is hard when they are teens and having the other parent fill in hate on them makes it impossible to educate them. Be patient don’t leave, there is a lot of people that are in unstable relationships forever because people never know how to handle problems and decide to leave in every single lil problem because it’s “easier”.
Wow. I’m shocked at how many rude and hateful women are commenting here. It’s really disappointing to see so many women be so rude, so hateful and flat out attacking a woman who sincerely asked for help. This group doesn’t seem like a “blessing”. More like a pack of judgmental shrews. I’m out.
Sadly some kids can’t be reached. My brothers step son treats him the same way after ruffly 8 years of marriage. In your case I’m wondering if her mom has brainwashed her against you. ( my nephews bio dad passed years ago) perhaps family counseling will work or maybe talk to the bio mom?
I would like you to know, if nobody has already told you, that you are an Amazing Woman, Mom, Step Mom and partner to your SO, simply for the fact of who you are. I also think that you are a very resilient Woman because being a Step Mom is one of the hardest & Challenging thing in life. Becoming a Parent doesn’t come with a manual nonetheless becoming a Step-Parent. Give yourself some Love and props for doing the best that you can.
The best advice that I got: do the best for you, for your children/family and your relationship, everything will fall in place.
Ignore her…she’ll come around…
I wouldnt worry about her talking to me or not. Stop doing things for her she can do them herself. She will come around.
How’s the relationship with the mother? To me and I could be wrong without knowing details on your relationship with the mother but if mother is bitter towards you it can do a trickle effect down to a child. The child might think you are the reason they aren’t together or so many other reasons. There is a reason for her behavior, it’s up to dad to figure it out
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had a hateful stepdaughter and I ignored her like she wasn’t there; no sandwichs, no dinner on a plate, no shopping for anything she wanted, guess what; things changed…take your power back
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Okay… been there and left. But… my advice to you is simply this; I have 5 boys, the first 4 are from my marriage where my husband passed away. My kids now have a stepdad. My boys don’t necessarily LIKE him. But they are ALWAYS respectful, because I raised them that way
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This is just my opinion but your SO needs to make his daughter, at the least, respect you. I married a man 38 years ago that had 2 boys from a previous marriage and he told them right up front that they didn’t have to love me or like me but they damn sure were going to respect me. Every now and again they would get a little cocky but all and all it went well. I do know that for me, if he wouldn’t of made them at least respect me, I would of been gone. Good luck !
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Stop doing anything for her. Treat her as if she isn’t there. Don’t serve her plate, don’t wash her clothes, don’t invite her when you leave the house. You wanna act grown then be grown. Your husband really should demand that she respect you but if he won’t then you have to show her she is not the boss.
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I am 53 yrs old and I give what I get, and this is the advice that I have given my children that are grown. I know a lot of people would say well “you are the adult” but sometimes if everyone is acting like a child you have to act like one too so that you can see their side and maybe they can see yours. Give her what she gives you in completeness. Rude, ignoring and disrespectful are not things that I tolerate in my home, yes I do believe in a matriarchal home, and I am a little old fashioned. I wish you love and hope.
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Okay. Unpopular opinion. But I’ve had a step parent I didnt click with. She is a young teenager. Full of hormones. And she probably misses her mom alot. You choose her dad. You came into a situation with a child present. She never chose you. And she really doesnt have too. If shes being outwardly rude to you. Dont allow that. But simply ignoring you and needing space… I think you should give her that. Being a teenager is hard. The last year has been the most unpredictable one yet. Let her breathe
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We “ended” up with her a year ago. She needs to feel wanted, loved and accepted in her own home by everyone in that home. Treating her the same way you treat your children who have lived with you all of their lives probably isn’t going to work. Your children know what to expect from you and they know your love language. She is still learning about you . She is 14 and for the last year her life has been completely different than it was before. Give her time to adjust and to learn her role in the home. Love her through it.
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Get dad on board and take any luxury you pay for phone you pay it take it no tv no computer nothing but food clothes and her bed and paper books until she learns to respect you I did it with my stepsons for cussing me like a dog but I had dad on my side and we paid for all their luxury items he called his mom and I told her they won’t disrespect me in my home if you don’t like it you can buy it for them that shut her mouth quick but if you can’t get dad to back you and if her bio mom is gonna also go against you then my idea isn’t gonna help
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I tell my kids ALL the time they don’t have to like their dads girlfriend but they DO HAVE to respect her in her own home (within reason), I do not punish them if their dad says they won’t small talk with her or do this or that with her (they don’t have a good relationship with her and it’s her own doing) but I do expect them to be cordial and respectful.
I explained it simply: like the aunt you never see except at holidays you still say hello, I’m doing well, but then you find your favorite auntie🙃
I sat down with my bfs teenage son… He already has an attitude because his mom lets him get away with anything and his dad doesn’t. I told him that I have no idea what he’s feeling and I won’t pretend to. I will never replace his mom and will never try to. He’s almost an adult…and I’d like to be friends one day, if he’s cool with that.
You gotta find common ground. What is something she is into? Figure out something she likes and then do it with her. Don’t put too much pressure on it just start small. Be the adult and make an effort consistently.
I would say she does not know how to be deal with the feelings of being happy with yall and fear of letting her mom down. I would just let her know your house is a safe place and her mom and you are not in a competition. Let her know she is not being disrespectful to her mother by being happy but that also means she doesn’t need to be disrespectful to you in order to keep the balance. I am a step child and I felt replaced and bitter and I didn’t know how to explain that at 8. I would try my limits with my new step dad and would play both sides.
I would try and talk to her and give her some reassurance that your there as an ally not an enemy and that there is no need to pick a side. From experience I would say mom has a lot of say in her attitude and she doesn’t really know what to do.
I learned that my feelings towards things or people were made up of what my mothers opinion was which is why I never got to speak with my birth father because she hated him so or never had nice things to say so my opinion was skewed. Now as an adult I see that I was just looking for acceptance and approval and now I really try to make my own judgments on what or who I like. I would love to speak with my father now but he ignores me since he has a new family 
the cycle continues
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