My husband and I are very firm with our four children. We have kids ranging from 10-20 years old. He is very strict when it comes to chores and schedules, which is acceptable to me. If things aren’t done completely perfectly, our children often have to redo their chores. (Ex. If the dishes aren’t completely done, the counter wasn’t wiped off well enough, if drawers are not properly organized, the floor wasn’t vacuumed, etc.). Neither of us likes to have a messy home, so my husband and I expect the cleaning to be done each day. They have gotten good enough at doing their part where it is to the point where neither of us really have to do anything in terms of upkeep, and we haven’t for the past several years. I do keep up on the laundry and cook some meals. My husband and I both work full time. We have always believed it is good for our children to know how things are done, and we want to instill discipline and responsibility. My husband gets very upset when things aren’t done correctly, and often even when they are up to my standards, they don’t meet his. He yells quite a bit, and it is not uncommon for him to take out his frustration on our children (verbally). Nothing too extreme, but he will point out when they are lazy or not doing a good enough job with certain tasks. He can get carried away sometimes, to the point where he calls them names and/or takes away their privileges, but he is very blunt, and upfront about his expectations, and still, our children fall short quite often. When they do, I stay out of it as much as possible, and I let their father discipline and correct as needed. We love them very much and provide a good home for them. They have nice phones, pets, and we take family trips quite often. However, our middle child (15) has begun expressing how unhappy she is and has even begun to claim I let her father “abuse” them. She is upset that she has begun working, and we still expect her to do her chores, even though we pay her $80 per month to do them!
Your husband is abusive
Sounds like you want servants for cheap pay. Does either of your bosses yell at or berate you, call you names. You cook sometimes who cooks the rest. Seriously child services could remove your children for mental abuse. Get serious if the job is done be happy don’t nitpick. Your husband sounds like my dead father who i cut out of my life entirely because of it. Wake up are you blind do you not see the damage you and your husband are doing.
Your husband is abusive. You’re also just as bad, because you sit back and let it happen.
Your daughter is upset for a good reason. You don’t get your kids to help out; you treat them like slaves.
You and your husband sound like the lazy ones.
They are your children. Not your housekeepers. Some chores to clean up after themselves and help with family things are appropriate. The house however is YOUR responsibility, not your children’s. You bought it. You clean it, or pay someone legal wages to do so. You are setting your kids up for feeling like failures for not being 100% all the time, and a lifetime of therapy bills. The only reason I can see that the eldest hasn’t escaped is that they either have too much of a conscience to leave behind their younger siblings to tolerate the verbal abuse and being used as living mops and buckets, or they are too beaten down to accept that they should be treated better.
It sounds as if you only had kids to be your maids. Kids shouldn’t be the only ones that should do housework, whether you and your husband work full time or not. Kids go to school during the school year so it’s just like they have a full time job as well. You cannot rely on your kids to take care of YOUR responsibilities 100% of the time. It is called TEAMWORK. If my husband was like yours disrespecting my children, he would be an ex. No one treats my kids that way. End of story.
I can say, from experience, the name calling and expectation of perfection will cause damage to your children for many years to come. It has to stop. He needs to find a better way to reach them, because although children, they need to be treated with respect. His actions are abusive, and I won’t be surprised if the kids find themselves in therapy as young adults. If she’s expressed she’s unhappy, I would get your husband on board with a new approach. There’s nothing wrong with expecting a good job is done. 
if it’s not good enough, then have them do it again. But, also explain the importance of cleanliness. They’re children and our job as parents is to guide them. They won’t follow that guidance if they’re not treated respectfully. Good luck!
Parents often times equate what they have given their children during their childhood to the quality of the childhood. Meaning parents like this think because they gave their kids a nice life, phones, TV, wifi, an allowance. There is no reason for their kids to act out they have a “great childhood” obviously because of all the things these parents buy. But what gets me is that providing for your child isn’t just buying them nice things. How you treat your children will go miles further for them then if you buy them a cool phone or pay them for chores. They might not see that as children and that’s okay. It’s your responsibility as a parent to recognize more goes into raising your children then the things you buy for them. Expecting perfection in any form from small to large tasks constantly, the intolerance for “attitude” which is basically you telling a whole ass human what they can and can’t feel (don’t wanna get started on that nasty topic), and the misunderstanding of what it means to truly provide for a child is bad parenting. Prime example of bad parenting. You’re just leading your kids down a long road of mental health issues, that you will inevitably act like you don’t know how they got because it couldn’t possibly be from the childhood that “wasn’t that bad” all because you equate providing for your children to buying them nice things. Be better.
He sounds verbally abusive. He needs to lower his standards. Most people aren’t that particular about many of the tasks mentioned. It isn’t fair that your children are nit picked because he is anal. As for organized drawers??? Each person takes care of their. It has no effect on him if someone else doesn’t keep their drawers organized.
strong textYour husband is abusive and you are complicit in that abuse you allow it and to make matters worse they do all of your housework and you and your husband get to sit on your asses and enjoy slave labor because they are going to school and working 40+ hours a week doing everything and you only pay $80 per month but it’s ok for you to sit back and watch and listen while your children are yelled at and called names by their father to tell it to you straight up you and your husband are lazy abusive @$$#013$ and I sincerely hope your daughter reports y’all to child services and that you are criminally charged and that your children find homes where they are loved valued and respected and you enjoy the title of child abuserstrong text***
Summary
emphasized text
Sounds like the lazy ones are you parents. Yes teach your children independence and responsibility. But don’t hold your minor children to adult standards. Dishes aren’t done correctly? Mom or dad show them how it’s done and have them help/dry them. Yard work needs to be done? Family project.
Your husband should not be verbally lashing out at your children and you shouldn’t be enabling him to do so. They are learning, developing, and growing beings!
You mentioned you give them a good home because the have nice things. I promise you that a nurturing, loving relationship is 100 times better than verbally accosting them then throwing iPads their way. As for punishment, I’d make a “no screen time until our chores are completed” rule etc. Something that doesn’t involve hindering their mental and emotional states. Good luck.
Their kids, not your maids. What your both doing is abuse. Chores are grear. But when they do them its not hood enough and you ALLOW your husvand to call them names? Maybe instead of calling them lazy and such, do the chores (instead of sitting around when you’re home) and do the chores WITH your children. Your trying to instill a good work ethic, but all tbey see is you coming home and yelling at them that what they have done isnt good enough. YOU BOTH ARE ABUSIVE PARENTS.
I see the 15 year old walking away from you as soon as she can. If the other kids are ok about how you treat them, then they’re going to probably be abusers also. And 80.00 a month to hear nothing but criticism?? Thats not nearly enough as you a slowly breaking their spirit’s
If I were you find a therapist and try to undo the damage youve caused those kids
Your husband is abusive and you’re just as bad. Shameful that their mother isn’t protecting them. Your children aren’t your slaves and I guarantee you’d be looking for another job if your superiors spoke to you/treated you the way those kids are being treated. I pity the poor babies. This post is mind-blowing and not in the good way.
Undoubtedly… I’d even go as far as seeking supervised visitation only with the dad due to the abuse. That man needs an a**whipping.
I have one question that you need to really ask yourselves.
If this was a workplace and your kids were subordinates, would you be able to talk to them like that?
Would you speak to.an adult like that??
Why the hell are you talking to your kids like that?
I see a lot of mental issues and probably a lot of self medicating.
I really hope your child figures out how to call child line because this is abuse. I hope they get out of your house sooner rather than later. I think you need to start saving money for your children’s therapy.
Hi
Are you in an unsafe situation? It truly sounds like you need help.
Are family members willing?
If you call 911 and not speak but stay on the line, they will know to send help.
Please message me if you need.
I was in an abusive marriage for years and then someone sent me a message similar to what I’m sending you and it helped.
Sending hugs
I was your 15 year old child and your husband was my father. I could have written this myself, from your middle child’s perspective. I’m now 31 years old and I haven’t spoken to my father for 15 years. Welcome to your future. This is abuse, clear as fucking day, and you are complicit. If you do a simple Google search of verbal abuse, emotional abuse, child abuse, you might see some things looking familiar. Don’t be surprised when your kids grow up, flee the hellhole they’re growing up in, and never speak to your husband again. Very possibly not to you either. Your child has identified abuse and has asked you for help. I did the same thing. I identified the abuse in my home, I told my mom, I asked her to leave him, to at least defend me from him. She did none of those things. It destroyed our relationship, which was terrible for many years and while better now, is certainly not close or normal. Whatever father-daughter relationship existed for me was destroyed many, many years before I left home. I coped silently with an eating disorder since the age of 11, cutting myself since the age of 13, and drinking until I blacked out since the age of 15. I had suicidal thoughts since the age of 12. In my 20s, I ended up in eating disorder treatment that I had to fund, trauma therapy for a decade, and on multiple medications. You might want to find out if your children are silently coping and suffering in any similar ways. My mom had no clue that any of those coping mechanisms were going on. She later thanked me for being strong and standing up to my dad when she didn’t. Not good enough. Listen to your children now. You’re the adult. Maybe you can start to undo the damage but if you keep going like this, good luck having any relationships with your adult children. Prepare for the possibility that they may never speak to you again. My father no longer has a daughter, and it is entirely his own doing.
I’m sorry but that is 100% abuse. You need to lighten up a bit and do more IN YOUR home. I read it and all I get is the same feeling I had as a kid… the only reason you had children is to take care of what you didn’t want to. Also this I work full time so that’s why doesn’t work. Children’s full time jobs are school and to get good grades not do all of the housework and then get paid $ 80 for the month. So fair warning I don’t have a good relationship with my parents and it sounds like because of how ur husband yells and the strictness when they are older you might be in the same boat. Jmo
My childhood was almost the same as this family. We all had chores that must be done everyday including organized drawers and a properly made bed, if a quarter didn’t bounce off the bed it was completely undone by dad and you’d have to redo it again (dad was more strict that mom). We did not get an allowance. We would sometimes get yelled at, but we were NEVER called out of our names, my mother always stood up for us when she felt he was wrong or unfair, she would go to war for us ( if you were doing what you were suppose to do or in the right) and he knew it. We had family meetings where we could say how we felt without fear of getting in trouble and sometimes he would listen to us and change some things. My father would also have one on one time where he would take you out to eat or to the library, just one of us and him (there was three of us) and you could talk about whatever you wanted and he would explain himself and why he did a lot of things he did. Those times helped us understand him more. It helped balance things out, he would play with us, he’d play games and pull jokes. There was some type of balance in our home. There seems to be verbal and emotional abuse and no balance in all of this with this family. Those kids will either become him when they get older or rebel so far the other way they’ll get themselves in trouble. The whole family needs counseling.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My 15 year old is starting to act out with how strict my husband and I are: Advice?
Verbal abuse is still abuse…calling them names and belittling them is not helping to shape them for the future 
The children aren’t falling short, your expectations are too much. Calling your kids names and ridiculing them is abuse. He needs counseling and you need to quit enabling this behavior.
They are your “CHILDREN” not objects!!! I’m all for helping out but my god they are still children, not bloody live in cleaners 
The way you describe your husband does seem like he may be a bit on the “verbally abusive” side and also comes off controlling. That rarely goes over well with preteens/teenagers. I see where she’s coming from since she does work as well. Perhaps you can allow her to opt out of her chores (other than cleaning up after herself) and just not pay her the $80 per month.
Abuse mental and emotional plain and simple!
You’re basically paying for your kids to be your house keepers 
and verbal abuse is still abuse 
Yeah that’s verbal abuse and it sounds to me like you and your husband are a bit lazy. You are adults and are capable of working full time and doing some chores around the house. You don’t have children to be your slaves. They are working full time in school, plus homework, and don’t need 2nd full time jobs as children. A few specific weekly chores in addition to making their beds and keeping their rooms/bathroom clean is sufficient for children.
I’m inclined to agree that verbally calling them names is not acceptable & yes teach them the way of life & how to be independent but bare in mind your letting your husband teach them how to verbally abuse there own children when they have them.
Also clean up your own shit! Your kids aren’t perfect little maids Jesus, I’d be hella mad too and upset if I was the kid!
I’m sorry but I would leave him. Abuse is a abuse. I was married to a man that was physically & verbal abusive my kids hate him. Your children will grow up & Hate both u. It seems like there your house keepers & can’t even be kids
Verbal abuse is real . There’s literally no reason at all I can think of to call a child names… your own child at that ! Children are still human beings with feelings , just in a smaller body . Treat them as such . It’s common sense . I don’t think it’s necessarily the “chores” she’s complaining about but maybe the way she’s treated after she feels she’s given her best . My opinion would be … do better as parents . Specifically the father .
I don’t blame the middle child get that I said child bc kids are kids yes have discipline and chores but it sounds like y’all make the kids do all the house work and they can’t just be kids ur making them grow up go quick don’t be surprised when u come home and find ur kid run away
I can see why they would rebel your children aren’t your slaves or you maids. I understand having chores but it sounds like you hardly do anything yourself or your husband. Yelling at them just cause they didn’t do their chores perfectly and making them redo them sounds like you’re a control freak and a perfectionist (everything has to be perfect and in order) sounds like you dont need children you needed a maid.
U will destroy your children if you keep this up they are not your slaves they are your children and to let you husband call them names I’d verbal abuse sounds to me like your afraid of him too when u say u keep out of it… Your 15 year old is the one that is making it known it’s wrong
No… just no to all of this… y’all should be ashamed. They are kids…
She is verbally abused by him to that’s why she is okay with it. I would want to run away to if nothing we did was good enough.
Sounds like y’all need parenting classes
So you let him mentally and emotionally abuse them while they are the ones doing dang near everything? You said you do laundry and sometimes cook but rarely ever clean because the kids do it? These are kids not maids.
Helping out, doing a good job is one thing, although I don’t believe in paying them to help out in their own home. Name calling should be unacceptable, it’s hurts and will stay with them.
Verbal abuse is just as bad. That’s the type of parenting that leads to anxiety problems and other behavioral issues. As well as can damage and destroy relationships between you your husband and all the kids. Both of you should Change your parenting techniques
You turned your kids into your personal housekeepers. You don’t want them to be lazy do nothings, like you and your husband. Do as I say, not do nothing like they see your lazy asses doing. You cook a meal once in a while, you must be exhausted you poor thing. You pay your kids a measley $20 a week to be housekeepers, and they already resent you for it.
My parents did this to me as a kid and now i have anxiety that things never meet up to people standards and i have perfectionism which is annoying because i will redo things over and over again until i believe it’s perfect and holds up to other people’s standards.
Clean your own house damn. Let them be kids. Verbal abuse it still abuse. The good things dont cover the bad.
I don’t blame her. My ass would act out too. Same reason I left my parents house as a teenager. Parent or not. Aint nobody gonna talk to me crazy or belittle me. Cause you’ll catch a whole ass attitude. You want your house n chores percect. Do it your damn selves instead of verbally abusing your children
Wow. Dont have children have housekeepers. Sure children should help out but it seems your children keep the household clean and you let your husband verbally/mentally abuse your children Smfh. Means you are just as bad as your husband. Thankfully the 15 year old only has three years until he can remove you assholes from his life. Congratulations on raising multiple abused children who will be adults that are damaged. Clean your own house. Smfh.
Grew up with a stepdad like this. Made me resent my parents a lot. You’re raising children- not maids. Treat your kids with respect not like fucking Cinderella. Verbal abuse is abuse and it’s not cute to stand back and let your husband “handle it”. Chances are if you don’t put your foot down and let your kids be kids they won’t want you in their life’s.
Soo you had kids to be your maids? Gtfo it’s not the 15 year old with issues is you the parents .
Verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse are you don’t want your daughter thinking it’s fine that any man can talk to her however she wants because that’s the way her dad does they’re not your servants you think at $2.85 a day should do all the work while getting verbally abuse you out your mind
I’m all for kids having chores… But your children are slaves. And your husband is abusive. 
Well I would say the way yall treat them is why their kids not yall soldiers seriously. You can get way further with having patience and talking.
I grew up in a home like this. I don’t really get along with my dad. He’s a gas lighter and I stay away as much as possible. My mom has always “stayed out of it as much as possible” as well. She’s just an enabler for his behavior. I don’t like going to their house I don’t. I started leaving and moving in with ppl older than me when i was 16
Your children aren’t your maids. They should help with chores but they shouldn’t be expected to be perfect. Your wondering why your kid is acting out when your basically letting your husband abuse them. Verbal abuse is still abuse.
You need to let your children be children they are not robots sorry this is abuse
Your kids are not your maids. They need to learn responsibility etc yes. But slaves no. And who in there right mind calls there kids names! That’s abuse! Keep doing what you are doing and wait to see the rebellion from them.
If your on social media asking for advice then you know deep down something is wrong with this situation. You staying out of it during discipline is contributing to the verbal and emotional abuse. They will grow up and move and don’t be surprised if they never come around. Their your children not your paid help. They didn’t ask to be here nor did they ask to clean your house.
Stay firm until you feel it’s ok
They are your kids, not your maids!
Thats sad 
ur basically saying she should shut up n take it cuz she’s getting paid! Abuse is abuse and will shape them for the future smh shame on U both
They basically your help! They gonna resent you in the long run. You got one life why do you have to be so strict? You can’t teach them responsibility without being strict
You don’t start listening to her, yall gonna loose her!
Well it’s fine to have kids do chores.
However when you yell at them because they aren’t doing it right now that’s abuse.
And paying your kids to do your stuff is like paying a maid.
You should give each one , one chore that’s it
Like one has trash and one has to clean their own room and one does the sweeping and mopping in the kitchen.
And one does the bathroom.
And instead of paying them .
Do like a chart deal.
So many points then they get to stay up late or they can go to the mall or what ever you think is best for the child.
I grew up in a house like this and will never act this way with my children- everyone is different and it does nothing but push them to leave and not come back when they are older. My mother is very ocd like this and i have adhd- making me clean in her exact order or i had to do it again was ridiculous.
their kids not slaves
So you’ve just decided that all the children are to do your housework & be mentally abused while doing so. Some people just weren’t meant to be parents & this is a perfect example. Smh
This is a joke right?
Also your making excuses for your husband! Your kids or not verbal abuse is worse than physical
I agree with the unnecessary verbal abuse which is most important here but you’re also low balling your children. Housekeepers make more than that! I hope your other children have the courage to stand with their sister & tell y’all off 
My kids have chore daily, but they are not our maids!!!, im big on teaching them life skills, if i have had a hard day my boys will volunteer to cook dinner and clean up, if its their mess they clean it but its not their job to clean my house nor up after me and there father, and if my husband even thinks calling our children names and belittling them is ok, he would not be my husband anymore i can guarantee that, i assume your children go to school?, that is a full time job in it self, so u expect to come home and just sit while they clean your house, sorry just my opinion
I’ll be honest I don’t agree with this at all! Your kids are cleaning your home for you! Chores is acceptable but this doesn’t sound like chores! They shouldn’t be doing all the cleaning! And it comes across a bit military too!
You the parents you do it! It’s your job to to keep a home clean, Let them be kids!
Clean their room, make their bed and clean after themselves absaloutly!
But this sounds pretty crap!!
In my opinion.
Ok so you let your husband discipline your kids and call them names when they don’t do their chores properly? Guess you won’t be up for the mother of the year award anytime soon🙄 your 15 year old is right, their father is abusing them and you’re just standing by letting him. Sounds to me like your husband has control over you as well. If my husband tried that nonsense with our kid’s, I’d be making sure the door hit him where the good lord split him when I threw his nasty a$$ out.
Wow… this is not right! They are your kids not slaves!! Why did you have kids?? and your husband is verbally abusive. This whole thing is not ok!!
This literally makes me sick!!! Kids are not your doormat!! Not there to do everything your to lazy to do! Having them take responsibility is reasonable BUT your taking it over the edge by a lot!! It sounds like you have some
Kids that will run just as soon as they turn 18 and never look back and you will miss the rest of their lives! Also sounds like your creating future issues for them, like OCD, Anxiety and PTSD!!
It sounds like you’re putting more on your kids than you are yourselves. You both don’t want a messy home but contribute nothing to upkeep. Your child of 15 is working and you expect her to continue to clean your house? 80$ a month to clean and STILL get yelled at is not worth it. Working is stressful enough at that age never mind having to come home to clean a mess she probably didn’t make & to then let your husband then yell and call your children names because it’s not cleaned up to his standards is beyond me.
It’s good for kids to have chores. This teaches responsibility and discipline but to be demeaned and verbally abused by their father is terrible and you know it is. Also it is just as well your fault as it is his because you sit back and let him call his kids names and berate them.
Wow that’s abuse for sure. Like no question about it. You should really be ashamed that you allow your husband to treat your children that way. Its ok for your children. To have some responsibility it’s ok to have chores but it’s not their job to be the house keeper they are you kid not your employee. I feel bad for them and I dont blame your child for acting out or being unhappy.
My dad was this way. Once he put a tiny rolled up paper behind the leg of a couch. Then yelled at me for cleaning properly when I vaccumed. I understand wanting a clean house and showing responsibilities. But it’s a bit ridiculous to the extent you are taking it. (My own opinion). I hope that as adults you are not wasting so much time cleaning and yelling than living happily and having fun as a family. That’s more important than how PERFECT your kids are cleaning. I have ocd. So I understand but there’s a time and place for it. It’s sad really. Be more linient. It’s not worth it. Take a day of the week as a deep cleaning day. We clean throughout the week then Saturday we spend deep cleaning the house. We enjoy each others company and spend time with our kids. Gotta live life
This whole post is just plain sad. From start to finish. You should clean up your own mess, let your children have a childhood, take up for them like a MOTHER should, and divorce your abusive husband. Your kids WILL resent you both.
Smh they will hate you all when they grow up!
Damn sounds like y’all have a bunch of maids that the man gets to verbally abuse whenever instead of being a family
Wow they are children, yal running that house like a bootcamp. Making them do all of that is guna make them resent yal, I would run away if yal was my parents
I didn’t even finish reading! Go hire someone. I understand you gotta have structure & she has to know how to clean etc…but go to hell
You need to let your kids be kids. When they become adult they will resent you. I know from experience. I got treated the same way as a child. Your 15 yr old is not acting out. He or she is right, the father is being abusive and controlling. You have to step in as the other parent and correct your husband’s wrongs. Never let him verbally abuse your children. Resentment at its starting stage.
Sounds like toxic parenting.
This is wrong ! I tell my girls clean there room on the weekend if there not busy and I still go in there and double clean! Wake up and let your kids be kids ! Chores should be helping out not slaves doing your dirty work because you work every day! School is enough and homework ! Your cruel sorry and you shouldn’t allow any man to abuse your kids verbally
Ask your husband to speak kinder yo them. All children don’t need the rough talk.
First, verbal abuse and you wonder why she is starting to act out?! I use to work FT, go to school FT and take care of a house and family. Yes, kids should have chores but your standards need to get lowered. After all, they are kids. You and the dad should put a little more effort in to family time and fun. Life is too short to be miserable and that’s what your daughter is trying to express. Kids are not maids, housekeepers, etc.
Also dont make excuses for your husband. Your kids are not meant to be your servants and maids. That is not what you had them for. Period. Kids are not meant to be slaves for their parents.
Your kid is right, I’m sorry but kids are your kids and not your maids, slaves or robots. There’s learning responsibility and then there’s being utterly ridiculous and demanding. Calling them names and yelling at them because they didn’t wipe the counter enough is ridiculous. And you staying out of it does nothing but enable your husband and belittle your kids. Yikes
The part I’m confused on is why are you asking if this is acceptable or not, but the way you were writing this made is quite clear you know it’s a problem. It very much sounds like you don’t agree with the way he speaks to your children and the overly high expectations created for them. So what are you really wanting from this post? Everyone here has agreed this is unacceptable adult behavior so, what do you plan to do about it? You already knew this is wrong so why have you not already done something?
The whole post is abusive. I would hate to be your child.
Your husband is wrong & abusive. You’re enabling him & not putting your kids first. Y’all holding kids to perfection but I guarantee, y’all two “parents” fall short quite a bit. BECAUSE NO HUMAN, adult or child, are perfect. Stand up for your damn kids.
You people suck as parents. Your children not your maids. Verbal abuse is just like physical abuse. They hurt the individual. Wake up before they hate you.
Chores yes but not everything.
I grew up in a home like yours and what you’re putting your children through will stay with them forever. YOU are the adult and it’s your responsibility to work and provide a happy home for them. They should be allowed to be children. And as for you not stepping in for them they’ll remember that too.
Money for chores 
… it is messed up as name calling
This isn’t parenting. It’s a dictatorship! Sounds like to me your husband has an extreme case of OCD and is a Narcissist. You guys need therapy! All of you. Constantly being worried or scared that it everything isn’t perfect your father is going to scream at you?? Oh yes that’s a great way to live and grow up. What if it was you who were getting yelled at like that with the name calling and everything? Is he X military or army or something? These are kids! Children! You don’t need to be their drill Sargent. You need to be loving and caring parents! I don’t care what kind of jobs or house or nice things you guys have. The kids aren’t going to remember that crap! They’ll remember that no matter what they did it was never good enough for Mom and Dad.
So, you’re kids are your slaves? And when they are not doing what you and your husband want he berates them? Girl, if I could smack you through this phone I would’ve ran away if I was your child. Yes, kids should have some chores. But, not all of them. You’re allowing him to be abusive and see no issue with it. You both need help, and I pray if you don’t change your kids run far away.
I am 100% for chorse, it does teach the kids to be resposible, however this sounds like a VERY ABUSIVE situation, NO CHILD should be punished for not living up to the stamdards of their parent (as a parent if you see that these said standards are too high you lower YOUR standards until they achieve that level you do not VERBALLY ABUSE your child)
As the mother, i am very hurt that you say its OKAY for this to happen to your children because he has high standards, are your children there to be slaves cause it sure sounds like a toxic environment…who cares about the phones and toys and family trips, You are sitting by an allowing your children to be ABUSED 
You didn’t have kids to be your maids. You’re the jerk here and you might want to rethink a whole lot of stuff before you don’t have any contact with those four kids. Idk why people don’t understand they’re supposed to enjoy their kids not treat them like the help. Should kids have chores and responsibilities, absolutely. Should they be treated like slaves absolutely not