He calls them lazy? You two are last making your kids do everything except laundry and some meals". Chores are fine, slavery is not. Your child is 1000% correct and good for her for standing up for herself. I hope she reaches out and gets help for all kids still in your home.
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Hire a housecleaning and let the kids do light work, rotating among them so they don’t get bored.
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She’s 15 so naturally she’s going to rebel. The more he yells the more the resentment is going to get. She’s starting to work ? Good for her ! Give the kid a break - you don’t know what she’s going through. Pets, phones and trips are nothing compared to having a good relationship with your daughter unless you’re going to pay for her counselling that all that mental abuse is going to cause her to need one.
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Wow abuse at its finest
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This is abuse, and by you “keeping out of if”, you are abusing your children as well.
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So let me get this straight………your kids are your house keepers? You had kids to be house keepers….I would be pissed too. Having to be home feels more like work then it does feeling safe? Having a father act like a toxic boss?! And you’re going to enable this? I’m all for teaching my kids responsibilities etc but they are not my slaves. You had slaves….and for what they do?! 80 bucks? Child labor. Your kids are kids! You’re teaching them that it’s ok to be toxic and abusive. Either that or they are going to rebel and oh man it will be in an extreme way. Let your kids be kids! Yes teach them responsibilities etc but let them live! They are not your slaves and their father is disgusting and you are worse for letting it happen
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Wow. Youll be lucky if she keeps a relationship with you guys when shes an adult
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Oh man, sounds like your kids are your servants, maids etc. Especially when you say that you didn’t even have to do anything because they do it all. I do agree kids should help out with chores and taught responsibilities however, this sounds abusive. I grew up in a home like this (was also physically abused), I understand how your daughter feels and she is right. You’re husband screams at them if it’s not perfect and calls them names and you stay out of it as much as possible. My mom did the same thing, I hated her for it, in fact I was perfectly fine cutting her out of my life when I became an adult.
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I feel sorry for any kid who has to grow up this way… THIS IS NOT WHAT CHILDHOOD IS ABOUT.
Yes give them chores but to treat them like their in the military or boot camp is unacceptable
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You and your husband have major mental issues! I feel so bad for your kids. They are your kids not your lil army of slaves! Seems y’all had kids for a totally different reason than most of us… stop treating them like slaves and y’all get off your asses and help them.
Yeah back off. This isn’t the 50’s. They will rebel eventually and then you’re really fucked.
emotional abuse, children will grow up to resent you both and want to leave the home right when they’re able to if you don’t realize it. And, if you’re not teaching your children how to sort through their emotions, of course they’re not going to listen & shut down because that’s all they know to do. You can say you love your children but doesn’t mean they feel loved by you. Sounds like you enable your husband because he seems so comfortable with doing it in front of you and you’re just trying to make yourself look good. Your children aren’t your slaves! you and your husband need counseling. SMH I feel really bad for the kids. 
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Did you guys want kids or servants? You haven’t had to do chores in several years? Do you not live in the home too? My kids help with chores because we all live here and we ALL help out, kids and adults.
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You & your husband both need pitch in more with the upkeeping as well. You & your husband are treating your kids like they are slaves. The yelling constantly is uncalled for. I wouldn’t be surprised if those kids didn’t want to deal with neither one of you when they decide to move out.
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Verbal is still a form of abuse. And shes right, you are letting him if you just stand there and let him do that. It should never get to the point of you not having to keep up with your home due to your kids doing it all. You arent creating well rounded adults, you are creating children that will grow into adults remembering traumatic childhoods. For $80 each a month, take it and hire someone. Dishes and cleaning their rooms is acceptable, but this is just disgusting.
You’re allowing your children to be abused.
Your husband is setting them up for failure. His standards seem extremely and clearly unattainable, to even you, since you claim the cleaning is up to yours.
You’re daughter is correct.
Your 15yo is 100% correct. You allow him to verbally abuse them. He calls them names, tells them they are lazy or not doing enough? How is that ok? Put yourself in their shoes and be spoken to and treated like that and see how it feels
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Are these you’re children or you’re slaves? Abuse isn’t always physical.
Let that sink in!
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It’s not your children’s jobs to be your maids. A few chores here and there, fine, but you chose to have children, not the other way
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They fall short!!! Of course they do… We all do. I’m wondering if you acknowledge their successes as much as their ‘failures’ kids need time to be kids. They grow up soon enough.
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“Neither of us really have to do anything in terms of upkeep” “it is not uncommon for him to take it out frustration on our children” “our children fall short quite often and when they do, I stay out of it as much as possible” first of all, you’re ridiculous.
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Someone call ACS! Sheesh!
Ppl …of all ages are more likely to give their best when they feel inspired 
Celebrate their victories more …that would be my advice
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I am a 19 year old women who grew up being verbally abused and I am here to tell you that your children will be mentally scarred for the rest of their lives. They will forever question their worth. They will forever question “am I enough” . You let your husband abuse your children. Abuse is abuse and it all affects the children the same. Your daughter will love a man who abuses her because that is what has surrounded her , her entire life . So it is all that she knows .
You let this happen.
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Hope you’re daughter calls cps 4 real
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Providing materialistic things doesn’t mean anything when your letting your husband call them names, and treating them like a slave, that’s wrong on so many different levels. Cook “some
Meals” so who else in the house is cooking ? Your children ? I understand having chores but it shouldn’t be like living in boot camp for those kids, sounds more like they have drill sergeants instead of parents.
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Would you or your husband tolerate your employer yelling at you, belittling you and calling you names because they pay you? No you wouldn’t. You’d consider your boss abusive and it a hostile work environment. Yet, this is ok to do to your precious children?! Even worse, you sit and watch your husband do it?! Sounds like a sweatshop to me! Can’t imagine why your children feel this way 
.
PS Love makes a home not cleanliness or abuse!
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Do you want to be estranged from your kids in a few years? Because this is a good way to accomplish that.
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She’s right. At the very least, this is verbal abuse just from what you’ve stated. Do better!
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They’re children. They are going to fall short of your expectations. I agree with daily chores but y’all are treating these kids like little slaves.
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Are you for real hunny.they are kids and yes no harm in them doing chores but ye are way ott with chores and especially your husband…all I’m reading from this is how abusive and a bully your husband is…it doesn’t matter about their nice phones or pets…you are their mum and you carried them for 9 months, don’t you dare let your husband be shouting at them etc while you turn,a blind eye…enjoy the happy memories with your kids,not worrying about chores…I came from a horrific childhood and my dad sounds like your husband.Emotional and mental abuse is going to scar your kids.
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Better not let your husband know you posted this, he may want to discipline you!
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Umm you are the parents, chores yes but it’s not up to your children to do all the cleaning.
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U should punch out your husband and tell him to do all the chores perfectly 
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You have to know that the reason u asked is because deep down inside u know it’s over the top. Childhood is short and should be a time spent enjoying a lesser sense of responsibility. They have the rest of their lives to feel the pressures of responsibility. Ask yourself this. As an adult do you ever complete things less than perfect because well you are human and perhaps feeling a bit lazy. Your children are humans as well and shouldn’t be held to standards that even you fail to uphold.
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I don’t think the name calling should happen. Yelling or raising voices I don’t see that as an issue. Children/teens need structure. My 16 year old does house work and if she half asses it she does it again. It’s important to teach them the right way to do things. Again the name calling is not cool. I was raised by old school parents and thankful. I want my kid to be self sufficient and not begging mama for everything. That’s my 2 cents
I feel sorry for your kids. You both need therapy
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Just wait til shes 18 and moves out your house and never speaks to you again because that’s what I would do wow some household yours sounds to grow up in 
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When you’re a kid, school is your JOB. just like working to provide income is YOUR JOB. These kids are being over worked.
If you haven’t had to clean in years than yeah. Your kids are being overworked.
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They are your kids, not your slaves. They don’t get to be kids. ITS YOUR HOME, IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO KEEP SPOTLESS NOT YOUR CHILDREN. Some chores are fine, BUT YOU & YOUR HUSBAND ARE LAZY!!! Did you have kids to be little slaves. Your husband is verbally abusing YOUR kids & you let him. You both should be ashamed of yourselves.
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Wow. Was not expecting to read anything like this. Kids deserve respect as much as adults. I understand you both want to instill responsibility. But verbally abusing them and shaming them is completely wrong. You’re lucky if your children will want anything to do with you when they get older. They may just cut their relationship off off with you completely.
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Emotional abuse to the max and you’re sitting here letting it happen just think what it is going to do to their self esteem…nothing they do is good enough your daughter is correct
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What you have explained is abuse. Pure and simple.
I don’t think 
I need to respond . These responses were right on .
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Are your children your hired help or your children? Ask yourselves that.
Positive reinforce goes a long way, completing a task is easier when it’s done out of love and care rather than anger and fear. I think your child is right and you should be doing more to protect them from the yelling and name calling because that is abuse and it has real effects on developing children. My advice to you is that you come from a place of respect and love and have a conversation about this with your husband without him taking offense or turning it into a fight, if he’s willing to take criticism then that’s good but if not you suggest that you would like to take over the discipline and management of the children and come from a place of positive reinforcement only. I bet any money the children will do good jobs because they want too because they love and appreciate you rather than feel forced and resentful about it because of the negative environment they often have to work in.
JFC, having kids doesn’t mean you have ready made servants. Try being the adults and patterning good responsibility instead of abusing your kids for not wanting to be indentured servants. With that many people in the household, $80 doesn’t cut it and if they don’t believe me, they’re welcome to try to find a housekeeper who wouldn’t bust out laughing at the offer.
Sounds like instead of having children you had a bunch of slaves. I’d act out too. Yes my children have chores. Like keeping their room clean take out the trash feed and water the animals. But they aren’t my slaves shoot I don’t even ask my older ones to watch their younger siblings for more than 10 minutes because they are my responsibility. My husband and I both have full time jobs and we manage just fine. I think you both need to check your roles as loving nurturing parents because what you’re doing isn’t it
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I can’t even finish reading this. You don’t have children, you have servants. Let kids be kids. Chores are one thing but this is too much.
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While I don’t mind kids doing chores, having responsibilities etc. the name calling part is unacceptable to me there’s no need for it. Kids have lives too, school, and she’s 15 with a job on top of all that. Cut these kids some slack ffs
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Their your kids not your servants. Wtf is wrong with both of you?
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We clean as a household. They are not your slaves or your maids. They were not born to take over the duties of the house so you don’t have to do anything. Of course they can have chores, but it sounds as if you all take it way too far. Of course they resent you and are acting out.
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Children are not perfect. I would never let my husband call my children names! We too expect our kids to help out around the house. They all do daily chores and if it isn’t up to our pat we too may say hey you need to try that again! Finish the job all the way through. Because I too want to create self sufficient, responsible members of society. But, your situation sounds like he is definitely verbally abusing them! Your daughter will rebel and pull away from you!
And listen 
which you obviously are bc you made this post ….your daughter is trying to communicate her “emotional “ need for support is not being met .
If you change anything…ask her what she needs to feel like you’re there for her.
As parents we try to give them everything we didn’t have …but sometimes the things they really need are things we didn’t expect 
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I have no issues with kids having chores. This is way beyond teaching your children responsibility. It sounds like they are your servants not your children. Your 15 year old goes to school and has a job. In addition to all the additional stuff they are required to do around the house. The stuff that you & your husband should be helping out with. You & your husband should really go get some help.
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This is bullshit … I had a step dad like this and it left scars like a mfr … You are seriously ruining your kids life and honestly you should be ashamed of yourself … KIDS ARE NOT SLAVES … They shouldn’t have to clean every single day especially when they are in school … With the name calling and you allowing that is down ridiculous and truthfully you and you piece of shit husband are horrible parents and should have never had them to begin with
Verbal is abuse is abuse. Being stern and being over the top are two different things.
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Keep up the good job! Sounds like you are raising your kids to be responsible. I won’t listen to much to the nay sayers on this page. Your daughter is a teenager not a 5 year.
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Oh man this isn’t going the way OP expected 
Omg just no like … she’s right in what she’s saying ye are literally abusing yer children … I would hate to live in yer house
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This is abuse and you are treating your children like slaves. Plain and simple.
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To each their own but that’s verbal abuse and words hurt. Would you be okay if your husband talked to you in that manner? It is one thing to teach kids discipline and responsibilities but they shouldn’t be the only ones cleaning the house. You stated that neither of you (you or your husband) really have to do anything and that’s not fair to the kids to make them do all the work.
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I have five children between 5-19 and yes they have chores but not to the point where I no longer have to lift a finger myself. They are your children, not slaves. I am a single mom and work full time, but still carry most of the load. They do help with taking out the trash, helping to clean up after our pets, switching the laundry, etc but I still do the cleaning, vacuuming, bathrooms, yard work, mosh of the pet care, sort, fold, and put away the laundry, cook, etc. Mine don’t get paid but rarely get denied if they need or want money for something. I left my husband because it was verbally and mentally abusive and that’s what you are letting happen to your kids.
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There’s teaching responsibility…and there is child abuse… you are literally saying u and ur husband… the “adults” don’t have to do much cleaning cause ur kids are and if they do one thing wrong they have to do it all again while being told everything they did wrong and that they are lazy… that IS child abuse!!! And now your 15 yr old not only has school and cleaning the house everyday but also a job… and u don’t understand why she feels this is too much or feels its abuse?!! Hope she finds the courage to talk to a counselor so she can get help for herself and siblings… cause what u and ur spouse are doing it working these kids like slaves and being pissed off at them and berating them if they don’t follow suit…?! Ridiculous and like others have said
… don’t be shocked if they leave and never talk to either of u again or if they have yrs of consoling and yrs of anxiety and ptsd. You both are literally stealing away their childhood!! Kids are kids once than we’re all stuck in this shitty adult world… so give them a chance to breathe, laugh, run and play without the constant fear of making a mess that needs to be cleaned immediately or disappointing their parents. This is a sad post, I’m sad for ur kids.
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My mom and stepdad were exactly like this. I now don’t speak to either of them. 
It wasn’t about the chores more about the zero respect I was given growing up.
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Oh God this is like.flash back when I was a child except.we.got beat .yes everyone needs chores but they are NOT your slaves to make do everything. And even if it’s not physical abuse your husband is mentally abusing your kids. And you just stand by and let it happen. Gross.
Also I would like to add. They didn’t ask to be here providing for them IS YOUR JOB.
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Children are human ,not robots . Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical . You take perfectly good children and instill fear and hate as discipline . If it’s not up to par he should do it his damn self . Nobody’s perfect . Not even you or your bully husband ! Don’t be surprised if you have long effecting psychological issues with you’re children down the road . And you are just as guilty for allowing this . Obviously , it must bother you some shame ,shame , shame .
It’s not your children’s responsibility to clean your house. Picking up after themselves yes, helping out sometimes yes. But what you are doing is forcing them to do something and punishing them because what they did isn’t good enough for you. And she’s right, you are allowing him to verbally abuse them.
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This entire post is simply disgusting. Makes me sick!!! You don’t have kids you have slaves!! Get over yourself it seems both parents need some mental help if they think this is okay behavior!!!
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Wtf did I just read!!!your kids will blame you for not sticking up for them and letting him verbally abuse them! You make your kids do the crap you suppose to be doing!!! Nothing wrong With them cleaning their rooms but gosh your post made me sick!!!
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It sounds like the husband needs to work on his delivery, but I’d imagine he’s fed up with the ungrateful feelings that have resulted from the fruits of his labor. Respect isn’t given—it’s earned…
As for the chores…Remove the compensation. If you’re trying to teach them to earn their keep, then there should be no compensation. The compensation should be understood that they have the privilege of living in a nice, clean, and loving home, and therefore they are expected to keep their own spaces tidy and help with the common areas (outside and inside).
How are they getting to the job? Either a parent is taking them, or they have been GIVEN a vehicle (likely, with ins paid for by the parents). This is a luxury. Sure, it’s a convenience for you, but a luxury for someone who isn’t able to afford it, themselves. So, again…a gift they havent earned to go to a job where they “work”, but (I bet) they don’t contribute to the household with “their” paycheck. So, they still aren’t contributing to the household, just because they “work”.
Sounds like they need a deep-dive financial talk—especially, the older children, who are of-age to be out on their own, anyway.
My parents basically said, “Our house, our rules. Old enough to want to be able to do what you want, old enough to do what you want on your own dime.”
Ask them if they are confident in their situation, so much so that they feel they are ready to move out, so they can make their own rules? If not, they are choosing to understand the house rules. End of story.
How sad. They’re gonna resent you guys when they get old enough to leave that shithole.
She may feel like since she works she doesn’t have to do chores because her parents don’t have too
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Everybody should help do things around the house that includes parent not just the kids my kids have chores and they do and I do my chores so I think the parents need to grow up and do some help around the house
No issues with chores but when they fall short of his expectations and he lashes out he is teaching all the children that is how it’s done… Maybe teach a little different
Lulu Frances this post made me appreciate my girls, glad we love each other and do everything out of love and respect I would hate for them to fear and hate me and not wanna do anything 
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Reread everything you just typed and you should be able to figure it out. If you still can’t figure out why your daughter feels this way you should probably get some help. Seriously lady how can you allow your husband to belittle and verbally abuse your daughter? You do realize that she is going to grow up thinking this is how men should treat me right??
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Your husband calls them names? Yes that is verbal abuse!
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I’m all for chores and responsibilities but goodness you’re asking too much…
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What the hell…your servants… I mean kids, don’t seem very happy.
Seek therapy.
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When do they get to be kids yes kids need discipline and need to learn responsibility but i dont they need to be responsible for everthing maybe 2 things a day for them to do and alowing for your hubsand to talk to them like that is wrong.
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I didn’t have children to have them be my slaves, I agree with chores but holy shit you’re going over board. Let your children be children!
Your husband sounds like a bully. He also sounds verbally/ emotionally abusive. Stand up for your kids because they are doing their chores. If your husband doesn’t like you standing up for them then tell him he needs to change the way he speaks to them so you don’t have to interfere. If that doesn’t work tell him if he wants to keep your relationship together he has to go to counseling with you. And if that doesn’t work, do what’s necessary to protect your children’s well being.
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This just makes me sad….
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So let me get this straight: even with the $80 a month allowance, you and your husband expect professional level cleaning in addition to your kids putting up with verbal abuse when it’s not quite “perfect”? Are you hearing yourself right now? There’s chores, and maybe cleaning weeks specifically every few months because of build up and season changes, but this? If your kid thinks it’s abuse, it likely is. You’re trying to justify it by stating the necessities that you provide them anyways because it’s your legal and moral right to.
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Your husband IS abusing them. There’s no reason for him to yell at them abd call them names. That’s not a strict parent, it’s an abusive one. And you’re just as guilty for letting him do it. It’s great you teach your kids responsibility… but they’re still humans and they’re feelings are valid. Your husband will do a lot of damage to these kids if you don’t stop it.
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This is similar to how i grew up, but poor.
Please for the sake of their futures, fucking stop and take some parenting classes or therapy or both. Good lord this was puke worthy to read.
Seems like you’re treating your children like slaves. And you let your husband verbally abuse them. Yikes.
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If you wanted a cleaning service you should have hired a maid. I hope you know your children will resent you for not sticking up for them and they will probably not talk to you or have you involved in their lifes or your grandchildren for a matter of fact.
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Your both awful parents… you’re letting them be abused and getting angry because you pay them £80
You don’t have kids to be you’re slaves . They are the kids they are going to make mistakes .
Everyone dose let them be kids
Or one day they may never forgive you for not protecting them . And choose shit men because they have Dad issues… and you are just letting him do it … what are you a carpet for him to walk on… .
Your children “fall short” because they are indeed CHILDREN. Also, calling names and verbally calling children lazy and pointing out their downfalls (in your eye) is in fact ABUSE. It amazes me that you could literally write out your post and it not be eye opening to you what you and your husband are doing. Chores and such I believe are necessary to teach children many things, but you’re taking it to an extreme.
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Jesus they are your children not your slaves. So you and hubby bark demands at them while doing very little yourself. I actually feel sorry for these kids 
sounds like you allow your husband to abuse your family while you sit back and watch! Having nice things like phones and holidays doesn’t make up for them being your skivvies!
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I understand chores, but your kids YOU’RE house cause you work. To me that is uncalled for. You say you work is why you have your kids clean your house. Well your 15 year old works and goes to school. Stand up for your kids
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Responsibilities are good. But they aren’t servants. Do they ever get to be kids and have fun or do they always have to act like adults? Calling them names is, indeed, abusive.
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I grew up just like this. You know what’s not fun about this? Your kids are scared of you. Overthinking happens… you never feel good enough … you’re always in trouble… you’re not allowed to show any emotions or have an opinion.
Yes, being to strict will not affect your kids in a good way. They won’t come to you about anything personal… or trust you to understand them about the smallest things if they always get yelled at for something as stupid as it not being up to your standards.
Show your kids some love. Be patient and be kind. And freaking stand up for them!! They will resent you if they don’t already.
It’s just cleaning. Period. Live a little. Kids are not asked to be born and definitely not born to get yelled at if it’s not 100%.
If they don’t already have anxiety they will. Even depression. If your parents, who are supposed to make you feel safe, are never happy with anything you do… who or what do they turn to?
Like I says I grew up with this. And my relationship with my parents was horrible when I finally saw it for what it was when I moved out. I wasn’t respectful and I didn’t care because when I needed them most, they were to busy yelling at about the damn house.
He should try praising what they do right and then encourage them to continue perfecting their skill
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Your kids aren’t your slaves. Get a grip.
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Get ready for A lot worse than that
Y’all run a boot camp
And if y’all work and don’t have to do anything why does she have to work and do it?
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He is verbally abusing them. You expect her to deal with work and school and clean your house. Yes, I understand chores and earning privileges, but there is never a reason to call your children names.
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Ok. My dad? He was the same
I was always fat, lazy, stupid. Can’t do anything right etc etc. And You know what? I grew up believing that he was right. He would hit till the european wooden spoon broke, be mean with his words and cruel with his actions. I ended up using heroin and making bad choices in men for many years to come. Chores and feelings are 2 different things. She has a right to have her own feelings . And if she shares those I suggest you take them very seriously because yes. It sounds like abuse. There chores Jesus ca lm down! Washing up isn’t worth damaging innocent kids for
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